This episode peels back the layers of behavior change, underscoring that every small step is a win worth recognizing.
It's not about an all-or-nothing victory; it's about embracing the gray areas where progress truly blooms.
We all face challenges that threaten to derail our health and fitness efforts through illness, injury, or the whirlwind of day-to-day life.
To describe the spectrum of behavior change, I'm going to chat about the following elements: 1. Percentage of success 2. Prepare to fail 3. Knee-jerk reaction 4. Self-forgiveness and self-compassion
We can start confronting our inner critic, transforming it into a voice of encouragement, and adapting when life throws us a curveball.
Flexibility trumps rigidity, and self-kindness unlocks the door to sustainable, healthy habits.
This episode peels back the layers of behavior change, underscoring that every small step is a win worth recognizing.
It's not about an all-or-nothing victory; it's about embracing the gray areas where progress truly blooms.
We all face challenges that threaten to derail our health and fitness efforts through illness, injury, or the whirlwind of day-to-day life.
To describe the spectrum of behavior change, I'm going to chat about the following elements: 1. Percentage of success 2. Prepare to fail 3. Knee-jerk reaction 4. Self-forgiveness and self-compassion
We can start confronting our inner critic, transforming it into a voice of encouragement, and adapting when life throws us a curveball.
Flexibility trumps rigidity, and self-kindness unlocks the door to sustainable, healthy habits.
Hey everyone, thanks for joining. Today we are going to chat about the spectrum of behavior change. What is the spectrum of behavior change? Well, what I see often, especially from my clients or just talking to friends and family who are trying to change their behavior, there is this bigger concept of I'm either doing it or I'm not doing it. It's very all or nothing. I'm successful or I'm not successful. Anything below generally 100% or perfection is considered some sort of failure. Well, when we don't feel great about what we're doing and we feel like failures, then we tend to be much harder on ourselves, much more negative, and we don't end up sticking with what we're doing. Hey everyone, today I'm talking about the spectrum of behavior change. What in the world is a spectrum of behavior change? You may not have heard the term.
Speaker 1:
I talk about this a lot because what I see when somebody is trying to adopt new behavior, escalate, a behavior that they're already doing, they look at what they're doing in very all or nothing terms, like I'm either doing the thing I'm doing it well, I'm doing it right or I'm not doing the thing, I'm doing terrible, I'm terrible, I'm a failure when we have this perspective that I'm successful, or I'm a failure when we end up on any sort of subpar level, we actually do much worse. Obviously, this negative self-talk, this conversation that we're having about why we're a failure and how we're failing and in all of the ways we are, obviously does not help our self-esteem, our self-efficacy and help us move forward. One thing that I'm always trying to help people with is really changing the conversation within themselves, having better self-talk and being an ally, being a cheerleader for yourself. So I want to talk about this spectrum as a concept that helps you do a better job of staying on your side and being your own cheerleader. So there are several elements that I want to talk about, and the first really is just thinking of a spectrum, looking at a spectrum. So we've got one end, we'll call that all, and we have another end and we'll just call that nothing. And there are a lot of things in between all or nothing. So I always try to have people look at the percentage of success.
Speaker 1:
When somebody starts a behavior. I usually have them check in in two weeks and see how are you doing? Are you doing the thing, how is it going, what are the obstacles, what's coming up Because we might need to tweak, we might need to change directions, we might need a completely different activity. They might not be ready for this. They want to try something else. All of the above are completely fine, but when we are looking at the pieces of what we're doing and then automatically putting them in a good-bad category, obviously not helpful.
Speaker 1:
So let's just take something a big salad. I love a big salad and this would be a goal that somebody who's trying to get more veggies in because again, when I especially talk about nutrition goals, I'm always talking about addition, not subtraction, not taking things out, not missing out on things. But what can I add? So a big salad is actually a good goal for people who are trying to get in more of veggies. So let's just say my client said okay, three days a week I'm going to bring a big salad to work and it's going to be a good salad. It's got to have the protein, it's got to have the fixings, it's got to have a good dressing. You know, maybe you've got crackers or bread on the side, a full meal. Because, again, we don't want a little salad and then we're going to be hungry in two hours we're going to have a big salad. So with this goal. We've got three days a week and we have to pick what days are those going to be. And let's say my client picks Monday, wednesday and Friday, perfect, whatever works for their schedule. So then you know we have more conversations about okay, when are you going to make it? And get into all the specifics of how this is going to be done. Because, again, it doesn't help to just set a goal but then not really have a plan on how you want to make this goal happen. So we will check back in two weeks.
Speaker 1:
Now, by choosing a goal that's three days a week, I've set myself up for some terrible math because I'm just not good at math. Client comes back to me and they say well, I really biffed it. I did horrible. I only brought a big salad two days out of these two weeks. So they basically did two out of six, so one out of three. We're gonna break it down. So 33% success rate on their goal.
Speaker 1:
Now, if this person had really been meaning to put more veggies in their diet for years or weeks or an infinite amount of time, then wouldn't twice in two weeks be an improvement? Absolutely, it's a total improvement and they are doing one third more. Here's where the math comes in. It's just not my thing. So when people are like, oh, 50% better, 33% better, I'm like, is that how it works? My point is, this person has actually done it one out of the three times that they intended to, but it's still an improvement. They've also learned some things. So we're gonna go in the way back machine with them of like, okay, well, what days did it work? And it happens for this person it was both Mondays, because they had the weekend to prep for.
Speaker 1:
So we have more conversations around prepping, like what's going to work and what they feel comfortable with as far as making a head, or do they wanna make it that morning? So we get in all the details, work out everything. So it's really important to acknowledge the percentage of success instead of focusing on the percentage of failure, because our brains are just wired to look for threats, to look for danger, to look for failure. So we don't want to see these two times. We just wanna look at these four and we wanna talk about, like, how terrible it was that we missed these four opportunities for a big salad. Well, I'm telling you, that's not what we're doing. We're looking at the percentage of success.
Speaker 1:
So then in those two weeks I've done it twice Now we're gonna try it again and we've done a little tweaking. We've talked about different prep methods and how it might be a little bit easier to get it done. We talked about the obstacles that they had and really maybe it was on Fridays they had a meeting with their boss and the boss wanted to talk about it over lunch. Boss is buying like okay, well then, if they went to a place that didn't have big salads, then no big salads were had. So again, you gotta really lighten up on yourself. So anyway, when we look at the following two weeks, if they had one more, so then if they had three big salads out of those six days now they are halfway, so they're 50%. They have had an improvement from before. They started working on this up 50% more. So we're not 50%. Here we go with the math and I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I should work on this more. My point once again is they were eating no salads and now they're eating three in a two week period.
Speaker 1:
So, looking at the percentage of success, considering any success, success, really kind of ruminating on your success of like you know what I did, the thing I did it and really focusing on what you're learning as you go through this process, because you might learn like ugh. You know what I used. Probably like the last day the salad was good, so then by the time it was lunch the next day, it was like ugh. This doesn't even look appetizing. So I learned that you know what I have got to make salads like closer.
Speaker 1:
So maybe Monday, wednesday, friday isn't working as well if you're shopping on Sunday and that Monday, wednesday, thursday or Monday, tuesday, wednesday even might work better because things are fresher. Or can I get out and do like a quick trip to the grocery store on Wednesday and pick something up, so then Fridays is more fresh? There are different options of how we need to tweak it, but we need to look at what were obstacles and what we didn't do as opportunities to learn something. So it may be that like, oh my gosh, I have so many meetings on Friday. Friday is not an opportunity for this, and once you start to have more success with it, then you can decide do I want to expand this? Do I want to have a big salad, maybe like lunch just isn't doing it for me and I want to try dinner. I want to add on the weekends, so then you can really start playing around with all of the different opportunities.
Speaker 1:
But it is really important to consider this percentage of success that you are moving forward. Also, if you're having 0% of success, then that's an opportunity to look again at the obstacles. And why isn't this working? What's going on? Is it a mindset thing? You know, what do I need to look at closer to be able to move forward? Because, again, you've got mindsets, you've got skill sets, you have all of these different pieces that can hold you back, but just really trying to think about it can be really helpful.
Speaker 1:
The next piece is prepare to fail, and this is always very interesting because when somebody's doing well, I always talk about how to prepare to fail, and people don't want to hear any of it. They're like uh, no, brah, I'm doing really well. I don't want to talk about doing poorly or restarting Like I'm doing the thing. What I know about life and it's ever common like ups and downs, things are going to come off the tracks. That's just how it is. So this could be I get the flu. Well, I'll tell you, what I don't want when I have the flu is a big salad. And let's just say, if I'm working on an exercise goal and I'm trying to do like a small weightlifting routine in the evening, and I'm trying to do that four days a week and then I get the flu, well obviously I'm not doing it. So I need to think ahead about how do I get back on track as soon as possible and that also has a lot of love in it, because when I say as soon as possible, this doesn't mean when I'm able to stand upright again after the flu or when I'm done vomiting after I had the stomach flu. No, we wait. We let ourselves heal, we let ourselves rest, we try to nurture ourselves through that and when we are feeling like, okay, I feel human again and I want to start getting back to it.
Speaker 1:
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Speaker 1:
We also think the thoughts about scaling back. So if I was walking a half an hour and I'm recovering, getting back from the flu, then I might just go out for 10 minutes four days a week Because you can do your first 10 minutes and like you can tell like okay, I went slower but I did the thing and I don't feel too bad. If you go out you do say you're going to do 10 minutes and two minutes into it you're like absolutely not. Well, you better turn back home and then you just obviously need more rest. So, having a mindset that absolutely I will get off track, there's really no way that you're just like this person who always does the thing and whether that's a stress management routine, a nutrition routine, a fitness routine, life will always happen and that can be an injury, it could be an illness, it could be taking care of someone else, it could be like a really heavy season at work, it could be kids activities.
Speaker 1:
There are many reasons that we get off track and we have to make sure. Also, this is a good time to reflect, like where my goals realistic in the first place, because, like when my sons were younger, and if piled on top of each other, you know, we have got track season and robotics season and this is the time of year that I'm like you know what Six days a week for workouts after work Well, that's not gonna work at all. So I might say to myself, okay, the kids are gonna have stuff after school, both of them. So this is the time where I'm working on a lunch workout or a morning workout. So, again, you know, really being realistic about what you're doing in the first place is incredibly helpful.
Speaker 1:
But always having that mindset that getting off-track isn't a failure, it's a reaction to life, it's a reaction to changing circumstances around you. It's not a bad thing. So I just always encourage people to Let themselves heal. So, again, if I've sprained my ankle, maybe there are other types of fitness things that I can do, but I'm certainly going to do any of the physical therapy exercises I need to do for that ankle. I'm going to rest it, I'm gonna ice it, whatever I need to do to heal it, and I can also look at other things. So the preparation doesn't mean that I'm doing this all ahead of time, like before I even start, but I have the mindset that, yeah, something's probably gonna happen and that's okay, because then I will come up with a plan of how to either get back into it, and get back into it slowly, or, you know a time period when I think like, no, this is where I could get back to Again, like you know, making extra veggie with dinner, whatever that goal is.
Speaker 1:
So the knee jerk reaction is the next part. And when I talk about the knee jerk reaction, it is the voice. So that voice inside of you we all have it that thinks that we are a bit of a loser. I mean, it's every negative thing coming at you. So many times, in different circumstances, we will have a knee jerk reaction and Especially when we're younger, we follow that reaction and we stick with that reaction because we are like, oh well, that is what the voice inside my head is telling me to do or to think. And we have the opportunity To actually hear that reaction and be like no, I don't think I'm gonna go with that, I think I'm gonna do something different. So that could be like my knee jerk reaction, let's just say, when I'm walking and I had the flu and I'm trying to go back and I said I'm going to do 10 minutes. I'm two minutes in and then my voice is like I'm like I do not feel very well, like, oh, I feel kind of dizzy. And then there's a voice that's like listen, idiot, you need to get back to walking, let's go, let's go, let's go Like you're being very dramatic. Okay, well, I might have the reaction of like oh, you're right, you know, maybe I am being a bit of a baby here, and I then have the opportunity to be like no, I really don't feel well, I do not feel great, I feel like I need to be back on the couch and have some more fluids. So we get these reactions. Sometimes they really reflect someone who was not very nice to us and was not very patient, was not very nurturing, was not very kind, and we're like you know what. You don't even have to say mean things to me, I'll just say them to myself. So we have an opportunity to hear that and not go ahead and react with my expected outcome. So that could be.
Speaker 1:
We go back to the salad circumstance of what happened on Wednesday. Well, if it didn't happen, I didn't have my salad. Maybe it was too soggy. Whatever the case may be, maybe everybody was going out for tacos and I was like, oh yeah, I really want to go for tacos.
Speaker 1:
The knee jerk reaction could be like oh my gosh, how lazy are you. How hard is it to eat a salad? You've got the salad. Like what is wrong? Like we've had this conversation, we've talked about this. You said you want a salad. You worked on your goals. It said salad. Now you're not doing the salad. Like what kind of moron are you? So again, that could be the knee jerk reaction. And now we can say listen, I just want to enjoy some time with my friends here. We're going to go get tacos. Like it's okay or like I really made a mistake. This lettuce is old. Like I don't want to eat it. That seems disgusting to me and I'm not going to force myself, whatever the circumstance is.
Speaker 1:
So I think a really understanding that you can have this initial reaction and it can be incredibly negative, and you can also have a conversation with yourself of like no, we're not going down this road, like this is a little too negative and I don't want to do this. I want to have a conversation with the grownup in the room and when we talk about, like that negative voice, usually again it comes from somebody else. It's not our own and we have our own grownup, kind, wise voice that we can substitute, which leads me to my last and final point of self forgiveness and self compassion. So, again, when we've got these voices and you might have a couple who are unkind and unsupportive and unrelenting, really they are pushing that perfection narrative. They are the ones that don't believe in a percentage of a success. It's very all or nothing. You're either doing well or you're doing terrible, which really also is like co-opting the standards, because so many ways like we're not meant to succeed, we are meant to fail and feel bad about ourselves because we're not enough, we don't look the right way, we're not doing the right things and will never be enough. So what's the point? That's what we want to stay away from, that narrative that has been pushed on most of us because it's meant to keep us not doing things and not being empowered and being docile and just listening to everybody else and assuming that they know best. So, self forgiveness and self compassion One of the biggest ways I feel like those two show up is the way that we talk to ourselves, because again, we can absolutely have that knee jerk reaction about how lazy we are and what an idiot we are, and then again we can pull up a chair to the table, be the kind adult that maybe we wish we always had in our life and we just didn't and have some empathy and have some compassion and be like oh, seems like that was a really hard day.
Speaker 1:
I understand why you didn't want to salad because everything was stressful and you're like dude, I just want some tacos. That was a tough morning and it doesn't have to be something that you hold against yourself forever either, that you really can let it go and you can also decide, because again, you have to have some flexibility and nuance when you're building habits, because if you're going to be a bad person for going and getting tacos when you said you wanted salad, that's a really terrible way to live, because there are times when tacos are warranted and they're delicious and they feel amazing, so I enjoy some tacos, and to have zero flexibility is so punishing and unsustainable. So when I look back at the times for myself when I had zero flexibility very rigid, completely miserable, absolutely miserable and other people around are like, oh my gosh, you're doing so great. You didn't hit the tacos, you had the salad.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, I feel like I'm dying inside, but thank you, because I'm so anxious about breaking these rules that I've set for myself that I can't even handle the conversation I'd have to have with myself if I broke what I said I was going to do. So, even though we are making goals and I like smart goals personally then we have to have this latitude in nuance. And again, if this is happening constantly and you're just wasting a lot of salads, well, that's a different conversation of you. Know, what have you thought about taco salads? Have you tried making yourself something? Because it seems like you really like tacos, but are there any recipes I could try at home? But looking at other options and not just going down the road of like, yes, you are being a terrible person. So I feel like self-forgiveness and self-compassion. They make everything feel a little wishy-washy. So we are used to being given rules. You follow the rules. If you follow the rules, you're good, and if you don't follow the rules, you're bad. And having this flexibility and nuance and permission to do something different without hating yourself is a really good thing to have.
Speaker 1:
So, again, if, like you, struggle with blood sugar. I've got some blood sugar issues and you know, most of the time I strive to have a breakfast that has protein, fat and carbs to really have like a better start to my day. I have to have some fiber in there as well. It makes me feel a lot better, and today I was at a place that didn't have really anything and the only thing that looked good to me was a scone. So I had a scone. And am I not upholding my commitment to myself to have protein, carbs and fat together to regulate my blood sugar better? No, I had a scone. I did not kill a bag of puppies, I ate a scone. I can see how I feel later and I think that informs decisions moving forward. Actually, today I felt completely fine and I was able to have a heavier protein lunch and moved on with my life. I felt okay.
Speaker 1:
So sometimes then we'll do something that we don't feel okay and we're like oof, okay, living and learning. I don't want to do that next time. So, whatever that means that you go to a different place that has different options, you bring an option for you that's better for your blood sugar. You know you get to decide that. But I think, again, being able to move on and not beat yourself up is a skill set, and it's so warranted because, again, like positive changes, we get more positive changes.
Speaker 1:
Success begets success, so stopping with a brow beating will actually help you be closer to achieving more of the goals that you're trying to in the first place. So those are my four pieces that I think you really want to look at the percentage of success, preparing to fail, overriding those knee-jerk reactions and then really practicing having self-forgiveness and self-compassion for yourself. I hope these things help when you are really working on that mindset, as you add some healthy behaviors that you've been looking at, and to give you sort of a guiding light instead of setting up these really rigid rules for yourself, so that you can have a little bit more of a curvy path which allows for life circumstances instead of beating yourself up with a very straight path. Good luck to you.
