Hot and humid conditions don't stop us from sipping the hot tea supplied by you- our darling audience! We added a couple of gems the Internet had to offer just to keep things at the right temp- kind of like adding ice to your tea. Are we good with the tea references? Outstanding!
This episode provides laughs, sneers, a little bit of judgement and the candor you have come to expect from Stella and Roberta. Enjoy!
There will be an end-of-summer episode planned for dipping more teabags into that steaming hot tea, so send your stories, questions, comments, criticism, cheer and the like to theteabag@toxictearoom.com to get included in our next Get Teabagged episode!
Relax- it's legal and it's delivered to your house! Canna River
Talk it out? Write it out! Try Therapy Notebooks!
Enough is enough! Support the Workplace Psychological Safety Act and find out how you can lead the charge in ensuring we are all safe from abuse!
Need help finding employees? Finding employers? Try Hiremymom.com! Use code TOXICTEAROOM at checkout for 15% off job listings!
Thanks for listening to Toxic Tearoom! Follow us on LinkedIn, Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, X and Patreon. Are you in a toxic workplace? Tell us about it at TheTeabag@ToxicTearoom.com. We promise anonymity, empathy, and a healthy dose of humor.
Hot and humid conditions don't stop us from sipping the hot tea supplied by you- our darling audience! We added a couple of gems the Internet had to offer just to keep things at the right temp- kind of like adding ice to your tea. Are we good with the tea references? Outstanding!
This episode provides laughs, sneers, a little bit of judgement and the candor you have come to expect from Stella and Roberta. Enjoy!
There will be an end-of-summer episode planned for dipping more teabags into that steaming hot tea, so send your stories, questions, comments, criticism, cheer and the like to theteabag@toxictearoom.com to get included in our next Get Teabagged episode!
Relax- it's legal and it's delivered to your house! Canna River
Talk it out? Write it out! Try Therapy Notebooks!
Enough is enough! Support the Workplace Psychological Safety Act and find out how you can lead the charge in ensuring we are all safe from abuse!
Need help finding employees? Finding employers? Try Hiremymom.com! Use code TOXICTEAROOM at checkout for 15% off job listings!
Thanks for listening to Toxic Tearoom! Follow us on LinkedIn, Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, X and Patreon. Are you in a toxic workplace? Tell us about it at TheTeabag@ToxicTearoom.com. We promise anonymity, empathy, and a healthy dose of humor.
The toxic Tearoom podcast is for entertainment purposes only. We never said it was good entertainment, and we hope to drop some knowledge with the heaping serving of support as well. But we never claimed it was good entertainment. While we speak to actual events in our lives, read submissions from listeners and gather hot tea from various Internet sources, we cannot independently confirm or deny any likeness to people or companies. You may believe we are speaking about your hosts, this podcast, that one, Booth Productions, LLC. Our circles of influence, our friends and family, and even your mom are not responsible for the opinions expressed on this episode or any other episode, nor for any actions taken because of this podcast or any forum associated with this podcast. Please vet any recommendations with certified professional personnel like therapists, psychologists, attorneys. You know the type. Do your thing. I'm Roberta.
>> Roberta:And I'm, Stella. Ah, welcome to the toxic tea room.
>> Stella:It's hot outside like we're in summer.
>> Roberta:It is so hot.
>> Stella:Cannot deal with it. I hate it. I literally hate it.
>> Roberta:It's been humid, too.
>> Stella:My goodness. But my plants are loving it. My plants are loving it. I like to garden, and my plants are loving it. but, yeah, it's. It's summer. I'm already. I'm already complaining. I'm like, I want fall.
>> Roberta:I can't believe it's almost July.
>> Stella:I know. And honestly, I. Again, I'm ready for fall. I'm ready for coziness. Again. I can't be. I can't make me happy. I complain when it's cold. Now I'm like, I just want leaves to change colors, and I don't want to be hot all the time.
>> Roberta:but, yeah, world's kind of crazy like usual. And, you know, it's time for an episode that we all. That we all love to hate. And we hate that we love the tea bags.
>> Stella:Tea bags. We are long overdue for one of these.
>> Roberta:So, yes, we had to make it light. We've been so.
>> Stella:I know. And we've been, Yeah, we needed to. I've been looking forward for this, actually. Thank you, listeners, for sending in your stories, comments, questions, and even veiled threats. We will share some of your submissions today and add some gems from the Internet that had us cackling or made.
>> Roberta:Us go, like that one song.
>> Stella:Who did that? Oh, yeah. Things that make you go m. All right, so I'm going to kick it off. With your permission, dear Stella, with a submission from Jack in Georgia. Yay.
>> Roberta:Hi, Chad.
>> Stella:I don't know, in fairness, if that's Georgia, the state or the country of Georgia I don't know. Okay, I don't. It could be either. I'm gonna guess the state of Georgia. I don't think we're that international. We are, but I don't think we're that international. All right, here we go. I stumbled across the tea room while scrolling through my Gf's. Oh, girlfriend's Spotify. I can speak Gen Z like the energy. I have the Halloween episode on repeat. Well, first of all, sir, a, there's something wrong with you, and b, there's four Halloween episodes, so just go to the next one. There's even more. Finally set aside a few minutes from my busy life stringing together side gigs to make ends meet. But Hustler's gonna hustle.
>> Roberta:Yeah, we are.
>> Stella:My food delivery gig brought me to a location in north Atlanta. There you go. It is the state of Georgia. if you are familiar with the area, you know that there are some neighborhoods that are very upscale. I went into the business, won't mention the name, and told the receptionist that I had a delivery for, let's call him Ben, and asked if I could leave it with her. She held up a finger to stop me. She even told me that. Or she then told me, rather, that I would need to deliver the meal directly to Ben's office. She pointed in the direction of the office, which is about 10ft away. Before I could say anything else, she answered the phone while waving her hand to dismiss me. I can visualize this right now. Like, I can, totally see it.
>> Roberta:I can totally see it.
>> Stella:I'm,
>> Roberta:Like, I can see the fingers and, like, me being like, why are you putting your finger on me? I mean, I am not your kid. Oh, my God.
>> Stella:I can envision all of this. I grabbed the bag and walked over to the office. The door was shut, so I gently knocked. No answer. After a moment, I gently knocked again. Ben yelled out, not now. I took the opportunity to explain who I was and that I had his food and that I would leave it on the floor outside his office. Just as I placed the bag on the floor, the office door swung open to reveal a very angry man staring down at me. I grabbed the bag and handed it to Ben. Ben grabbed the bag, looked me dead in the face with the kind of expression you see on cartoon villains, and said and yelled. I said, not now. He threw the bag in my face, which opened, spilling tacos and tortilla chips everywhere. Heads popped over the side of cubicles like whack a mole.
>> Roberta:I like this guy. I love this guy.
>> Stella:Whack.
>> Roberta:A m mole. Seriously, he is so descriptive.
>> Stella:Like, I see the whole scene in my head.
>> Roberta:Yeah, I do too.
>> Stella:Checking out the scene and popping right back down.
>> Roberta:Cause they're all scared of Ben.
>> Stella:Dude, Ben slammed the door back in my face. I placed the bag on the floor outside his office. Gotta be an empty bag now. Walked out, to the reception area. Tipped my imaginary hat to the receptionist. Weird day later.
>> Roberta:Weird.
>> Stella:Later, I received a bad review from Benjen. Three guesses what his comment said. Rude. Nah. Late. Nah. Cold food. No. And I quote, delivery driver threw food all over the office floor and refused to clean it up. Good times. Oh, my gosh.
>> Roberta:Sheesh. What a douche. I'm sorry. That guy's just a douchebag. And I really like Jack. He handled that, like, smooth.
>> Stella:Oh, yeah. He was just like, I could. I can envision everything. Like, I see all of this. I even know what the receptionist looks like in my head. And I can picture Ben just like, you know what? Tipping my hat, milady.
>> Roberta:That guy needs some emotional regulation.
>> Stella:Yeah, he does.
>> Roberta:Can I get a, Yeah.
>> Stella:Ben, I don't know what was happening behind your closed door, but you're the one who ordered the food. If you use uber eats or doordash or postmates or any one of those, the delivery is going to happen. That's the whole point. What I don't understand is why the reception says, oh, no, you got to take it to him. exactly. Oh, I mean, okay, because I guess if you're hoping for a tip, maybe, like, maybe he tips the drivers usually, and so she's like, no, take it to him. And I. He's like, all right, I'll do. It's 10ft away. I'm fine.
>> Roberta:He gets screamed at.
>> Stella:thank you for that, Jack. That was a great way to open, Jack.
>> Roberta:You handled that so much better than I could have. I would have had to say something.
>> Stella:Who picked up the tacos and tortilla chips? Like, I want to know the rest of the story, because I kind of hope it was that bitchy receptionist, candidly. And Ben reached out to her and said, clean it up. Something like that. Clean it. No.
>> Roberta:Oh, my God.
>> Stella:Right now.
>> Roberta:Okay, okay. So I promise there is no throwing of food for this next story. Excellent. We are hearing from Abby next. So she says you told a story about a nurse that was thinking about ending her own life over the treatment she received from doctors and coworkers. doctors are not all bad. The ones that are bad are really terrible. Nurses and aides get belittled, screamed at, overworked. The doctors drive off in mercedes after doing their rounds while we are working twelve to 14 hours shifts dealing with literal blood and shit. I wanted to be a nurse. I love taking care of people. I am fine getting literal shit sprayed on my face from a sick patient. Good freaking lord. I am so sorry, Abby. I hate that I am treated so poorly by some of the doctors on staff. It isn't right.
>> Stella:You're right about that.
>> Roberta:no, it isn't, Abby. My lord.
>> Stella:First of all, I think she's referring to Crystal, the story that moved me to tears, right? yes. And if you remember that story, Abby, there was another side to it. Crystal got into a much different situation. She is happy. She's healthy. So there is another side for you two. And hopefully you wrote this thinking about something you've already left. Hopefully you're not still there dealing with it because of all of the jobs in the world that you don't want to treat those people badly. It would be a nurse. Like, aren't, nurses great? Like, they are literally taking care of you. If you've ever been hospitalized, the doctor's not sitting at your bedside the whole time. You don't see the doctor, but you know who's up there riding on the whiteboard. Here's my name. I'm here for this shift. Next person is this person, and we're here for this shift. These are the meds that you're on coming to you if you hit that little button. Who's coming? Doctor? No, doctor doesn't come. The nurse comes. Nurses are, in all disciplines, whether they're neonatal nurses, which are a different breed altogether to emergency room nurses that see all of the stuff that Abby's describing. And more nurses are awesome, but unfortunately, some people are just not awesome. And I hate that. because we hear this a lot. We heard a lot of healthcare, like, horror stories. Like, just. We could give a whole episode to it. We just kept hearing about how horrible things are in health care. From the patients abusing you, to the doctors and surgeons abusing you, to hospital administrations. We just heard the gamut. I mean, I gotta tell you, for is what we pay for healthcare. You think we could treat our people better?
>> Roberta:Yeah. Yeah. And I will say I've experienced a few nurses that weren't peachy. but in general, I mean, I do see that dynamic that the doctor just comes in and does the little stuff and the nurse is having to do all this other crap. So I am always extra nice to the nurses.
>> Stella:We love nurses here, guys. We stand nurses. Did I say that right? Gen Z? Let me know. All right? And then I do have to say that, Abby, it's not your fault. But you did trigger me a bit with your story when you're talking about literal shit being sprayed. Because between being reminded of our Halloween special, huh? And then coming to this, they're always poop. Why is there always poop? Why in the worst stories is it always about poop? Oh, my God.
>> Roberta:I'm gonna. I'm gonna throw in something that some parents should know if they have Gen Z and Gen alpha kids. Skippity toilet. Please explain technically. Okay. Okay, so. And I've recently seen a lot of parents are posting on TikTok and Insta and all that, like, trying to translate these new words that are coming out, like sigma.
>> Stella:I don't know what that is either. Yeah, I have no idea what these people are saying.
>> Roberta:but I will tell you, their code is not to let the parents speak it. Like, when I said it to my kids, and now I say it all the time, they're like, no, you're using it completely wrong. But skippity toilet came from some meme or video, on YouTube, I think, where this guy's head is in a toilet, and they're doing these memes with it. But what it actually means, I don't know exactly.
>> Stella:Do they know?
>> Roberta:Except. Yeah. Well, I think it's used because we.
>> Stella:Used to call that swirly back in my day.
>> Roberta:Oh, yeah, back in my day. No, but apparently this meme, the guy's like, it's a cut out of a guy's head, and he's in the toilet. It's not the swirly.
>> Stella:Got it. It's just.
>> Roberta:Yeah, so. I don't know. I don't know.
>> Stella:It's skippity. Is that it? Skippity.
>> Roberta:Skippity.
>> Stella:Why do I have this urge to get another animal, which I don't need in my life? And I'm gonna name it skibity, just so I could go to places where Gen Z and Gen Alpha hang out and call for the dog. Skibbidi. Come here. Is that a thing?
>> Roberta:Yeah. Yeah.
>> Stella:Listeners, let me know if that's a thing. Yeah, please let us know, because.
>> Roberta:Please write us on LinkedIn.
>> Stella:I guess we've moved past, like, facts. Bet. Bet. Because I'm still. I'm still trying to come back from. Oh, get this. This undergarment will make you look so snatch. I'm a gen xer. Don't use that word with me like that.
>> Roberta:exactly.
>> Stella:That means something different in my generation. Don't use that word. Skippity toilet. Anyway, Abby, make a challenge, shall we? Yes. Abby, we do appreciate you. I'm going to challenge all of our listeners to use the term skibity toilet within the next 24 hours after you hear this podcast, preferably in a meeting setting. If you're, if you've got the gonads to do it, go 1 gram more and record it and send it to the teabag at, ah, toxictea room.com. and we will play the audio. If you don't want the video shown, if you're okay with the video showing, we'll compile them and we'll release a video of all of you getting somebody to use or using it yourself. Skibity toilet in a business setting.
>> Roberta:Yeah. And make it mean something like, oh, I don't like that.
>> Stella:Is that what it means? Like if something's negative, you say, what do you guys want for dinner? Do you want, do you want pasta nascibity toilet? Is that how that works?
>> Roberta:I think that's how it works.
>> Stella:I want to have faith for the future, but I'm losing it.
>> Roberta:But no, seriously, I'm. You only live once, so if you do this in a meeting and you happen to record it, even audio or queen, you, you can remember that, okay? Like 2040 years, you can teach yourself.
>> Stella:You can show your skippity grandkids one day that this is what you did to be cool.
>> Roberta:Exactly.
>> Stella:That's so awesome. All right, cool.
>> Roberta:I'm glad we got that out.
>> Stella:Thank you for that, because I needed that. all right, we're going to hear from Kathy next. Okay, ready? My boss is a prick. That's it. That's the tweet.
>> Roberta:Wow.
>> Stella:That's literally it. That is.
>> Roberta:Kathy, we want more details.
>> Stella:Kathy, we appreciate that. Thank you.
>> Roberta:We do.
>> Stella:If you could articulate exactly in what ways said boss is a prick, we would be very interested to understand. You can send it to the same email you sent this one.
>> Roberta:Yes, absolutely.
>> Stella:it doesn't matter what the details are. We've, we've read some horrible things. We'll read those two. But I want to understand the level of prickiness. Yeah. Is it like cactus, right? Like saguaro cactus with big needles or is it just, you know, kind of like, you know, Christmas cactus where. Oh, gosh, that's a little prickly. Just a little bit of prickly. I need to know the level of prickiness we're dealing with. I need the whys. I need my where, what, when, and how. Don't tease me, Kathy.
>> Roberta:that's right. Okay, so let's bring some of the Internet into this episode. This is a post from. From Brian P. Hogan.
>> Stella:Hi, Brian P. Hogan.
>> Roberta:Yeah, I'm sharing his name because it is a public post, and I want to give him credit. There's lots of wisdom.
>> Stella:Let's go.
>> Roberta:Okay, I've had some toxic jobs. Lesson learned. When things go bad, good people leave, eventually, followed by people who thought they could change things, but got buried because too many good people left. Those left are bad people or hostages. The good people are your canary.
>> Stella:That last line. The good people are your canary. So, for those of, you that might be unfamiliar with the reference, back in the olden days, even before boomers, so a long time ago.
>> Roberta:Dang, that's a long time.
>> Stella:When people would mine for coals or other minerals, minds often have, because you're digging into the earth, some gases and things that could kill you. So, rap before they sent a bunch of men down there with their pickaxes, because, again, folks, pickaxes is a tool that was used. Anyway, so before we go down into.
>> Roberta:Minecraft, there you go.
>> Stella:So pickaxes were in real? Like, that was real? Yeah, that happened. Guys, Gen Z is like Minecraft. Anyway, so. Yeah, reference. so they would go in with a canary. They had a literal bird in a cage, and they would open up the cage and let the bird fly in. And if they couldn't hear the bird anymore, if the bird stopped singing, then they assumed the bird died from the gases, and then they wouldn't go any further down. now, before everyone starts writing PETA to say, horrible practice, we should stop sacrificing birds. I don't think that happens anymore. We have electronic things that can detect for gas now, so please save your outrage. But that is the reference. So that's a powerful line. And it's a good reminder that when we're in toxic environments, be it your workplace, your church, your family, your school, when good people that you admire, that you respect, start to leave by their choice or not, doesn't matter. Yeah, you need to really take a look at what's going on, because the people that are left are, to his point, the bad guys or hostages, and you don't want to be either. First off, you're a bad guy. Why are you listening to this podcast? Just because you know I'm talking about you. And if you're a hostage, we don't want that for you get out of there. Get out of there.
>> Roberta:Absolutely. Yeah. Always have a plan when you get out of there. But start making the plan because exit strategies are very empowering.
>> Stella:Yeah.
>> Roberta:You have to be able to get past the fear of, I need this income. I need to. I, live paycheck to paycheck once. You just even start giving, you know, 15 minutes a day, if that's all you can afford to, the idea of, how will I do this? How can I change? How can I set apart a little bit of money or, you know, giving that energy? Then you dismiss that feeling, even just.
>> Stella:Looking to see what being. Yeah, just look and see what's out there. Take 15 minutes. Just look and see what's out there again.
>> Roberta:Yep.
>> Stella:Our audience is smarter than this. Don't look at, you know, LinkedIn jobs at your desk.
>> Roberta:I'm glad you said it because I was going to, you know, keep it.
>> Stella:On, the deed. Right. You know, don't, don't advertise that you're looking, but it's never a bad thing for you to look out for yourself.
>> Roberta:Yep.
>> Stella:Because we've learned too many times that when you throw yourself all in and you bleed the corporate colors, it doesn't always work out for you. And you have. You have a. We know that firsthand. You have a responsibility to yourself and your loved ones first, and that includes your happiness, not just your salary. So, yeah, don't. Don't be a hostage.
>> Roberta:True that. So I have another gem from Reddit here from us, from a user called certain.
>> Stella:Can we talk about that name real quick?
>> Roberta:Certain, like that.
>> Stella:Sorry. I bumped my microphone. Our producer is going to yell at me. I apologize. I bumped my microphone. Please don't edit this out. Just let it rock. It's. Accidents happen. We keep things authentic here. I'm so fricking sorry. Then I made a boo boo. And for those that are wondering, did she ever find her little piece for the end of the microphone? The windscreen? No, I absolutely have not found it. I am rocking. I am rocking. What is the term? I don't want to use the raw because there's something like raw dog in it. That's not what I'm trying to explain here. That's disgusting. That's not. That's not the term I'm looking for.
>> Roberta:I just heard that yesterday.
>> Stella:Why are we so connected? I don't like that. That it's weird. but, yeah, I'm flying without my windscreen, so it's okay. We're good. You know, yeah, we're all right. We don't. We're not looking to be slick. We're not trying to put in, like, one of those slick Joe Rogan productions. That's not what we are. We're real here. We're authentic. You know, sometimes pimples happen. Oh, well, use concealer, move, on.
>> Roberta:Oh, and p's. We don't get paid. So anyway, so we do this for love. We knew this out of the kindness.
>> Stella:Of our freaking arm. is it true?
>> Roberta:Okay, so certain meanings, the user. Certain meanings. Okay. Sexually assaulted by the CEO, married man in his late thirties with a girl.
>> Stella:Can we stop there? As opposed to, like, first of all, sexually assaulted by the CEO. Horrific. And I know we're going to get into the story, and I apologize, certain meanings, because a great name, kind of deep. Still a little nervous about it. but you say a married man in his late thirties with a girl daughter. I recognize. And I'm not trying to be offensive, I swear. I swear. I recognize that pronouns are a thing, but can everybody at least agree that saying girl daughter is redundant? Can we just get there?
>> Roberta:Cause that's what you took.
>> Stella:Well, that last part. No, but that's true.
>> Roberta:I mean, it is a daughter.
>> Stella:Is a girl English major, give a girl a break.
>> Roberta:So, yeah, no, I get the girl a break.
>> Stella:Like, I'm. I'm. I'm okay with the pronouns because I don't have a problem with the concept of your gender specific pronoun. The concept doesn't bother me. If I ever misgender someone, it's not because I don't care. It's because I'm an english major. Okay. Where they them means more than one person, that it's not a singular. And it's been extraordinarily hard for me to wrap my head around that piece to where it becomes unconsciously competent. So I, ah, apologize if I offend anybody, but when I hear girl daughter, I just assume, well, as opposed to a boy daughter, we're not there, are we? Like you're out of baby, but I'm just asking because I don't know. Is this the canary? Is the girl daughter a canary? Am I missing a trend?
>> Roberta:No, I think what I took that to mean outside of the girl daughter, because it could just say daughter. That the reason she's pointing it out that this guy has a daughter, is that she, if he's willing to assault her, maybe the daughter's getting assaulted.
>> Stella:Or that's how.
>> Roberta:Or that she, he should respect younger ladies because he has a daughter. So you would think having a daughter would make him not.
>> Stella:I do, I do. I do think option b in your soliloquy is correct. Yeah, I think that is the intent. I am just. Sorry. Certain meanings. It's, Don't take it harshly, and please don't come at me. Just don't. Don't at me. But yeah, girl. Daughter. I was really genuinely confused because nowadays English doesn't matter. So I was just. Sentence structure is as fluid as anything else, so why. And I don't want to be behind on it. I don't want to be behind what I'm walking around and just saying, oh, is this your daughter? She and somebody go, ah, ah. No. Why do you assume it's she? Just because it's daughter? I don't want that. I don't want that. So let's just all agree we're talking about somebody in, first of all, a horrible person because they sexually assaulted somebody and they're in a position of power because they're the CEO. They're married. So you're freaking gross already, sir. And you have a young daughter because you're in your thirties, so we can assume all of that to be true. Yes, I will now see my soliloquy. Thank you.
>> Roberta:Okay. So she says, I had an average resume and needed a job, even though it paid less, so ignored most of his verbal remarks the day he tried to get physical. I quit. It was horrible. He found a replacement for me in a week. I know. She sleeps with him. She got promoted, got even a salary hike. I struggled a lot to work and trust, but I never put myself in that position again. Kudos to.
>> Stella:Kudos for that. But I'm not done picking this apart.
>> Roberta:Okay.
>> Stella:First of all, in terms of the story, you did the right thing by leaving. I would have left with all the verbal remarks because too often we wait until something gets one step too far. And if somebody's making verbal remarks of a sexual nature and it makes you uncomfortable, again, we have a right to be safe at work, to not be harassed at work. That's why we keep talking about the workplace psychological safety act. We have a right to feel safe while we're earning a paycheck. So. But whatever you. The day he tried to get physical with you, you left. I'm not discounting any of that. It probably was horrible. I've been through similar thing that did get physical. I get it, I get it. It's a horrible thing. Here's where certain meanings. I have to just. I have to pick this apart because it bothers me. he found a replacement for you in a week. I don't know what you did for him, so perhaps it was because you said it was a, you know, a job that paid less than what you either had or what you were looking for, but you needed a job. Maybe it's an assistant. Let's just go with that for a second. It's an assistant. Okay, so he found a replacement within a week. Okay, and the next sentence you say is, I know she sleeps with them. How do you know? See, because here's my thing. While he certainly appears to be a total slime bag, you've made an assumption that because your replacement got promoted in a salary hike, which, again, how do you know that? They must be sleeping together because that didn't happen to you because you refused it. Now, it could very well be the case, but that's equivalent to the same kind of behavior that we talk about on this podcast. The gossiping, the, you know, this kind of stuff is not okay. you're clearly not there anymore because you quit. So, again, certain meanings. Write us in. Let us know how exactly you know that. A, she sleeps with him. B, I mean, got promoted. Maybe LinkedIn told you that. Got even a salary hike. Well, that typically happens when you get promoted, but I want to know how you know that all of those things happen for a fellow woman simply because of the behavior that was enacted towards you. Again, I'm not saying it didn't happen, but I hate, as women, we are not obligated to give each other any grace, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't. If she went through the same thing you went through, you should feel sorry for her. But maybe she was, and this is gonna hurt, and I apologize in advance. Maybe she was better at the job than you.
>> Roberta:Well, I'm going to take this in a little, slightly different direction. If you're still bothered enough to follow someone that obviously, you know, offended, you crossed a boundary. that means your reaction. You're not settled with your reaction by just quitting. Maybe you should have taken it a step further and called the wife or called somebody or talked to HR. No, I'm just saying.
>> Stella:So you. Maybe you should have taken the next step. And you don't consult an employment attorney. Something we've said on this podcast, what, 50, 6700 times we've had Meyer. No, I was Meyer Nazar on this exact podcast. One of the leading employment attorneys we've had. Good God, we've had supreme Court rated attorneys on the show.
>> Roberta:And the first, I was staying in the Jerry Springer milk.
>> Stella:Clearly.
>> Roberta:No, but seriously, you went right to call his wife.
>> Stella:You're like, you know, if it bothered you that much, why not just go all nuclear and put him on blast?
>> Roberta:Well.
>> Stella:Cause there are options that don't require that level of violence. Maybe I don't.
>> Roberta:Okay, you're right, you're right, you're right. That shouldn't have been the first.
>> Stella:Literally, like, I'm worried about you. It,
>> Roberta:No, it shouldn't have been the first thing.
>> Stella:The attorney was the last thing. You literally went, call his wife. Then maybe HR. Ah. Then, maybe an attorney. Literally just audiences. So we're clear, our advice in these matters is to, first of all, document, document, document, document, document, reach out to an employment attorney who is paid to represent you, and only you do take their advice in how you approach HR. And, by no means call the wife. Let's just make that clear. Like, don't I wish you guys could see me right now? Because if you saw my face right now, she's flustered. Literally. Stella's not laughing at her comments anymore. She's laughing at me because I'm like, I don't know that I know you anymore. I don't even know who you are. You went straight for. So, first, well, what you should have done is inactive, complete and total revenge. And I'm like, wait, first of all, you unleash the craft. First you unleash the kraken. Then you bring in, the dragons from Westeros. Like, what are this?
>> Roberta:Because this is a teabag episode, so I'm trying to make it live.
>> Stella:That's lively.
>> Roberta:No, but. Okay, so to revert back to what I was saying, though, for her to continue to follow what's happening. And like you said, maybe this next employee is sleeping with him. But why do you care? I mean, because when you make the decision to leave a toxic situation, part of the healing is and part of not living in that toxicity is to create separation from it. You learned your lesson, obviously, and you did the right action by leaving. Even though maybe. Perhaps you should have talked to an employment lawyer or HR. Maybe you felt like you couldn't. Maybe there wasn't someone there that you could have talked to. But in any case, I would love to hear from certain meanings and try to get more out of what caused you to continue to explore this. And the more you explore it or the more you learn about what's still happening, the longer you're not letting go and growing from being able to do something even better next time, which is to prevent it from keep happening, so to the next woman out there. So that was my point, even though I butchered it.
>> Stella:I will tell you, that was eloquent, wonderful advice. Glad it got out. Don't like that evil side of you. Okay, well, I mean, I like it. I'm not gonna.
>> Roberta:The topic is a little.
>> Stella:I'm not gonna lie. I like dark Stella. I like her a lot. So I was just surprised that the first thing out of your mouth was. So go tell his wife. Wait, hold up. all right, anyway, okay, that was good Internet fodder. I'm going back to the teabag for this next one.
>> Roberta:Okay, great.
>> Stella:We were asked to call this listener Barry, which is a very specific request. Literally said, please call me Barry. All right, Barry.
>> Roberta:hi, Barry.
>> Stella:Nice to meet you, Barry. We know we don't often use names, right? If somebody says, you can use my name, we will. Or we use a different name, because we are trying to protect people's anonymity. So we honor your request, Barry. but maybe we'll find out why Barry wants to be known as Barry. Barry sent us his. And this was the subject line, top ten toxic one liner stories. Oh, so these are ten stories of toxicity, artfully created, I guess, in one line each. I love creativity. So let's go.
>> Roberta:Here we go.
>> Stella:first one, the VP that was hired because she was a friend of the owner's son. That's the mildest one. Okay, how about the sales manager who had cocaine residue on his desk? How about that? Escalated quickly. A form of nepotism to. And the sales manager had cocaine residue on his desk. Again, the mind frame I'm, in today. Like, how do you know? How do you know it was cocaine? Maybe it was talcum powder.
>> Roberta:Yeah, how do I know?
>> Stella:I don't know.
>> Roberta:Was it on his nose, too?
>> Stella:I mean, that's the thing. It's, like, had cocaine residue on his desk. Do you have a test kit? Like, who are these people? Like, listeners, I love you, but seriously, who are you that you come and make some of these statements like, oh, she's screwing the boss because she got promoted and a raise. I know she slept with him. How do you know they cocaine residue on the desk? First of all, that scandal is. Second of all, how do you know? How do you know it was cocaine? Like, if you guys are going to give us those, we need the deets. I need the details. Oh, wait, there's more. Or his assistant that kept condoms in her desk. Okay, we're gonna stop there, too. Again, how do you know Snoopy McSnoopster? Barry, are you going through people's desk when they're on lunch? Like, how do you know she keeps condoms in her desk? Yeah, and if she does, whatever, kudos for playing it safe out there. I'm not here to judge. Barry's a little judgy. All right, here we go.
>> Roberta:Well, but who needs condoms in their task?
>> Stella:Maybe she goes out right after work.
>> Roberta:Okay, I'll tell you.
>> Stella:I don't know. I'm not. I don't know her life. I don't know her life. Are we. Is. Oh, wait. Is the implication. Because it's the sales manager's assistant. Oh, you dirty, dirty girl.
>> Roberta:Drugs. Drugs.
>> Stella:Sex and robbery. I've heard things about cocaine. You sc. Okay, Barry, I apologize. Barry, I'm back for it. Okay, let's go. The call center manager that would answer calls while on mute and just let the caller keep saying hello. Hello. Until they hung up.
>> Roberta:Oh, my gosh. That is kind of funny.
>> Stella:The IT manager who bragged that he loved the dark web and would spend hours on it, doing whatever he does there while ignoring it. Tickets.
>> Roberta:Wow, that's just blatant disregard for your.
>> Stella:Job, let alone, why are you on the dark web for hours?
>> Roberta:Exactly.
>> Stella:I'm more worried about that. First of all, don't they always ignore tier anyway?
>> Roberta:You're bragging about it.
>> Stella:Look at what I found on the dark.
>> Roberta:You're not very smart. You're not very smart.
>> Stella:Are you ordering kidneys? What are you doing? I don't know. The senior leader that always played the victim never had enough resources, according to her, and manipulated male peers and superiors to keep her job. Define.
>> Roberta:That's a lot of.
>> Stella:Define manipulated. Is that another code word I recognize? These are only one liners, but, Barry, these are. These are kind of. These are tasty little tidbits. I need more, Barry. Write more.
>> Roberta:Yes.
>> Stella:the product manager. Wait, let me see. What number, Ron? 123456. This is number seven. The product manager who turned out. Wait. Stop for just a sec.
>> Roberta:Hold on.
>> Stella:I'm gonna need a second. I'm gonna need a second. Okay, okay. The product manager who turned out to be a cuck.
>> Roberta:Cuck. Cuckoo.
>> Stella:Not cuckoo like cuckold.
>> Roberta:No, cuckdev.
>> Stella:Not because he was perceived to be weak, but because a video leaked on you. Porn. Parenthesis. A free porn site and parentheses for those of you who don't know of his wife getting banged by a stranger they recruited via Craigslist. While he sat off camera in a chair, his wife and his voice were recognized. I would die.
>> Roberta:Oh, okay, well, let's back up. So, Barry, are you watching you porn?
>> Stella:First of all, I will tell you, in this case, that is the least of the concerns, is how this was.
>> Roberta:Found out, because how do you know?
>> Stella:Look, even if he's watching you.
>> Roberta:Porn, but the video. The video leaked, so let's assume he got it.
>> Stella:So you bring your wife to your company Christmas party, and you're thinking that's never gonna matter, and.
>> Roberta:Oh, my God.
>> Stella:then there's. You think, you know what would make this even more exciting than inviting a total stranger we met on Craigslist to.
>> Roberta:Come and wait, is our hookers on Craigslist?
>> Stella:This isn't a hooker thing. This. This my understanding of this, because I. My husband is not one.
>> Roberta:Yeah, please.
>> Stella:To be clear, and I don't play in this world, but I am a worldly woman that knows things. Kind of like, you know, people who drink. my understanding is that there are men who obtain sexual pleasure watching other men have sex with their wives. It's a very specific, gross kink, in my opinion. But, you know, to each his own.
>> Roberta:Yeah, but do you pay the stranger? Or. It's not.
>> Stella:Look, it's a stranger that's like, would you like sex with my wife? Do you think you have to pay these people? They're like, okay, I'll do it. I'll do it. Okay, sure.
>> Roberta:That's,
>> Stella:It's gross. But again, that's. For me, it's gross. People do them. But to be. To have your wife recognize would be scandalous enough. But then they hear your voice in the chair, and they recognize, you, sir, are a cuck. I wouldn't even. I would never go back to work. I would just. Cause. How are you gonna be taken seriously in any meeting? I know, even if nobody brings it up, you know, everyone's thinking about it.
>> Roberta:Yeah.
>> Stella:Even if no one saw the video, everyone knows what you did in that video, which was sit in a chair and watch. Yeah, no, that's pretty. No, I would. Oh, my God. There's still three more. Holy cow. maybe the guy on the dock who steals one product per pallet every so often, marking the shipment short so the vendor is short paid while he gets to sell the stolen goods.
>> Roberta:Oh, that's awful. So you know about this berry, but have you reported it?
>> Stella:I don't want to forget about the HR manager. That leaves for extended lunches every so often not a big deal, except one of our interns always seems to take those same lunches. You connect the dots. I don't want to. Your workplace sounds freaking gross. It does. It sounds disgusting.
>> Roberta:Hot, mess, dude. Hot mess.
>> Stella:And then finally, the HR manager, which I assume this is a separate one because it's not bundled with the first one. finally, the HR manager who sees and hears all the dirt because it is literally his job, but he can't fire those who need to be fired. And he struggles to keep everything inside. And drinking sometimes helps, but sometimes not. And the job market is not good for HR managers right now, so he's stuck. But then he comes across this podcast and decides to spill the tea in a bulleted way. And his name is Barry, and it's been a delight.
>> Roberta:Barry, love this. Barry that was. He struggles to keep everything inside, so. Oh, my God, Barry, I feel so bad for you.
>> Stella:And he comes across this podcast, he means us, and decides to spill the tea in a bulleted way. And his name is Barry, and it has been a delight.
>> Roberta:This is awesome, Barry, you know, other HR managers, if you need to spill.
>> Stella:This is the way to do it. Just tell us where. I mean, you know all the good gossip. We're not gonna name your company. Don't tell us the company. We just want. We're gonna.
>> Roberta:We're not gonna use your personal email if you want to.
>> Stella:We're like, use a fake email, whatever. Email, you know, we're not gonna geocat.
>> Roberta:This is brilliant. Barry. You're the bomb, dude. That's awesome.
>> Stella:So.
>> Roberta:I'm, sorry you have to drink, though, and keep this literally.
>> Stella:That was number ten, by the way. That was number ten. Oh, so if number nine. Number ten is him calling himself out. Number nine is, I'm going to assume a peer that he's like, ah, there's just having fun with one of the interns. Look at that. Ew. Interns don't get paid, but they. They need the college credit, and they would like to work there maybe someday. That's just gross. Barry. Barry, I know the market is not good for HR managers right now, but I'm going to. I'm going to tell you something. Okay? If that place. If that's just ten, I bet there's 20. I want more details, too. I need.
>> Roberta:No one's going to know.
>> Stella:We're not going to say anything. So, Barry, please take the time to write us back. We're going to do another one of these episodes at some point. Write us again. I need to understand more about the cocaine residue on the sales manager's desk, I need details there. I need.
>> Roberta:Maybe that's how he knows.
>> Stella:How?
>> Roberta:Because he's the, ah, HR manager, and when they found it.
>> Stella:Yes, that is how he knows.
>> Roberta:That makes more sense.
>> Stella:All of it makes so much more sense.
>> Roberta:Yeah. Yeah.
>> Stella:I need to know if he still works there and if his assistant still works there.
>> Roberta:Right.
>> Stella:I want to know what the IT manager is looking for on the dark web.
>> Roberta:Yeah. Inquiring minds want to know the senior.
>> Stella:Leader that always played the victim. I need more details there. I want to know what the. What kind of manipulation. Tell me more. Tell me more. I need to know more. I think I know everything. I want to know about the product manager. I'm good there. Like, we can sum that one up. I don't need to know anything more about the wife and the product manager. Stella, do you. Do you need any more details? Yeah, I think we've. We need. We have everything we need on that one. Thank you, Barry. That's okay. I'm sure you can't tell me what the product is that the guy in the dock is stealing every so often, because that might reveal what your company is. But, you know, we know a thing or two about logistics and transportation, so I'll keep it on the down low, but I can help you fix that. Yeah, I I want more deets, and I bet you have more stories, Barry. So, Barry, here's my challenge. You don't have to keep it in. So before you pour that second glass of scotch, send it to us, and then see if you really need it. See if you really need it? Yeah. If it makes you relax, go for it. I'm not going to tell you what to do, but maybe just don't. And just write to us. I love this. Oh, okay.
>> Roberta:Thanks.
>> Stella:That was amazing.
>> Roberta:That is awesome. Okay, so I have one more from the teabag. Name withheld by request. Okay. So we were pressured to return to the office. I did. Worst mistake ever. The minute we were all back in the office, the same game started again. Same people who used to stir up shit. Stirred up, new shit. The same backstepters, backstabbers kept it up. The worst part. The fake. It's so nice to be back together again, right? No, it's not. My question is, how do we survive? I am not sure that I can. That sucks.
>> Stella:That sucks so bad.
>> Roberta:There is so much office politics and games, and it's, Like I used to call certain places kinder. Care. Welcome back to kinder care, because people don't, like, grow up or something. But, yeah, you can survive. You just focus on bettering yourself, creating an exit plan. Where there's a will, there's a way. Stay positive, stay above it, and honestly.
>> Stella:Become the master of disguise. Right? I've never used this term on this podcast, but why not? So why not?
>> Roberta:We're here.
>> Stella:Why not?
>> Roberta:I'm advising people to go to wives.
>> Stella:Yeah, don't do that. Like, I advise you not to do that. here's the thing. I would. What I mean by masters of disguise is if you hate it there and you hate people there, walk in, earn that Oscar. They smile, smile back. You don't have to go to lunch with them. You don't have to like them. I'm sure there's a couple people there you can at least tolerate. Make them your friends right at work, but just make it through. Go home. Look for ways to Stella's point to better yourself. Look for ways to get out of there at some point. Keep your sanity, meditate, exercise, do things for you. But be a master of disguise at work so that nobody has a clue that you hate it. Because I will tell you this, nine out of ten people, I would put money on it. Nine out of ten people liked working remotely. They did. And they enjoyed the flexibility. They were more productive. And here's the thing. How can you be more productive if you're not around people? Because people make you less productive. So that's why. Because they walk up and say stuff like, isn't it great to all be back together again? That's why I. Yeah. So I'm gonna tell you, there are people there that are feeling exactly the same way you do, but they're masters of disguise. They're not gonna be the ones that are seen as the problem. So become one of those people. I don't like it. I don't like it for anybody to have to not be who they are, but it doesn't have to be permanent. But it does. It is a survival tactic. You said you're not sure how. You want to know how you survive? Here's how you survive. You fake it. You fake it until you can make it somewhere else. Just fake it. Don't let them grab the joy out of you. Make it a game for yourself. Play psychological games with yourself. That doesn't make you crazy. Like, you could look at somebody and say, you know what? I'm going to make it through this meeting by paying attention to the content of the meeting. And I am going to do a little tick mark every time. You know, annoying Jason from accounting makes that one statement he always makes. I'm just going to put a little tick mark every time that happens. We'll see if he breaks ten today. Play a game with yourself. It's okay to do those. It's okay to do that. Don't make that the focus of it. You want to still do your job, but how you survive is not by regretting every second you're with them, but knowing that that's a temporary situation that you can control. See, desperation comes from losing fear of control. I don't. I don't see a way out. You have a way out. You're gonna fake it until you make it, and then make it your. When you go home, instead of kicking up your feet on the couch and settling into your next Netflix streaming marathon or whatever it is you do after work, go and take a half hour to an hour for yourself to do something to get you out. Whether it's get you out of that place or get you out of a mindset, whatever you need to do to get yourself out, give that to yourself. And it's a survival tactic that works. Be a master of disguise.
>> Roberta:Yeah. And I have to say also, do not argue with fools. Okay. There's, like, this really cool proverb where this lion and, like, hippo went to some wise man and said, the sky is, what color? Or the wise guy said, what color is the skydehe? And the tiger came and said, the sky is blue. And he said, okay. And then the hippo came and he said, the sky is red. And the master said, okay. And then the tiger came and said, why did you not, tell him the correct answer? Like, the sky isn't red. It's obviously not red. That's totally wrong. And he said, don't argue with fools because you're not going to win that. So if you try to, you know, be the person that is, like, above and beyond, and you don't talk. Now, that's different than creating boundaries. when you're, you know, you can create the boundaries, but you could be the boring person because you're not engaging in all the gossip. But to Roberta point, it's.
>> Stella:It's.
>> Roberta:The master of disguise is the way to survive until you find a way out. So, yeah, that's. That's good. Good advice for. So, yeah, I think we need.
>> Stella:To leave it there for the sake of our own mental health today.
>> Roberta:Yeah, for sure.
>> Stella:We have not done one of these in a minute. And I'm a little, I am a m little Vercle. I need to. And by the way, thanks, to everybody who sent me little messages, a lot of them on LinkedIn. Just saying the word pinhead. I understand. I know that's the name of the villain. I understand it now. I didn't get it at the moment. It just. But thank you to the literal 100 people.
>> Roberta:That's not true.
>> Stella:It wasn't 100 people. 102 people that sent me messages saying, you're thinking of pinhead. Mm. Sure am. By the way, got it right after we had wrapped everything and said, ah, it's pinhead. But it wasn't important enough to go back and redo, so.
>> Roberta:Yeah.
>> Stella:But I'm glad that you guys are paying attention. yes, please. we're gonna leave it here. Please visit our blog at www.toxicteroom.com to get links for resources, products, and even some fun elements as well.
>> Roberta:Yeah, and we admittedly suck at keeping up our socials, keeping them up to date, but we do try. So drop us a follow on TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, yada, yada, yada, yada, that.
>> Stella:Thing called x, whatever. we can make a difference, everybody. In securing psychological safety at work, you can start the movement in your own state. So if you've ever said, I wish I could do something about it, you can. the workplace Psychological Safety act protects us all. And we are going to put a link in the show. Notes. Notes. If you want to take this time to be an activist and make real, meaningful change that will affect not just your immediate life and those around you, but for generations to follow, this is your chance. We're going to get you the link.
>> Roberta:Yeah. And if you sent in a story and didn't hear it on this episode, don't despair. We will do more of these episodes. And lastly, we want to give a shout out to the production crew at that one booth for amazing work and patience and kindness.
>> Stella:If you guys had one inkling of how crappy we sound before they do their work, like, we beat ourselves up and the production crew is like, don't worry, we're going to make you sound far better than you actually do right now, you silly women. But they don't say, that last part, that's us. it's been a joy. Until next time. Until next time, peeps.
>> Roberta:Thank you.
>> Stella:Bye.