Have you ever caught yourself in the relentless cycle of over-giving, only to realize you're under-receiving and brewing resentment? It's a common trap for those of us leaning towards people-pleasing, particularly in professional scenarios like coaching, where the value of our work can be easily overlooked. On the latest Comfort Courage Academy podcast, I, Kushla Chadwick, share a candid conversation with a client that shines a light on this very struggle. We dissect the mindset blockades that lead to such imbalance and offer insight into adjusting our sails to navigate towards healthier business relations.
Transitioning from business to the personal, we navigate the choppy waters of family dynamics. I open up about the challenge of setting boundaries with loved ones, illustrated through my own tale of managing my daughter's requests against my needs. This episode isn't just about recounting experiences; it's a call to action for anyone who recognizes the signs of overextension in their lives. If you're ready to foster growth and embrace a life where your value shines bright, join me in this conversation. It's about finding that perfect harmony between giving with generosity and nurturing your well-being with unwavering boundaries. Let's embark on this path together—towards a life where balance isn't just an aspiration, it's a reality we create.
If you want to become a 6-figure or 7 figure Coach, come on over and connect with Kushla:
Have you ever caught yourself in the relentless cycle of over-giving, only to realize you're under-receiving and brewing resentment? It's a common trap for those of us leaning towards people-pleasing, particularly in professional scenarios like coaching, where the value of our work can be easily overlooked. On the latest Comfort Courage Academy podcast, I, Kushla Chadwick, share a candid conversation with a client that shines a light on this very struggle. We dissect the mindset blockades that lead to such imbalance and offer insight into adjusting our sails to navigate towards healthier business relations.
Transitioning from business to the personal, we navigate the choppy waters of family dynamics. I open up about the challenge of setting boundaries with loved ones, illustrated through my own tale of managing my daughter's requests against my needs. This episode isn't just about recounting experiences; it's a call to action for anyone who recognizes the signs of overextension in their lives. If you're ready to foster growth and embrace a life where your value shines bright, join me in this conversation. It's about finding that perfect harmony between giving with generosity and nurturing your well-being with unwavering boundaries. Let's embark on this path together—towards a life where balance isn't just an aspiration, it's a reality we create.
If you want to become a 6-figure or 7 figure Coach, come on over and connect with Kushla:
This is episode number 12 of the Confident Coach Academy and one of our special episodes where we're doing different blocks for mindset shifts. And this is episode number five of our mindset shifts, and today we are going into the block of over giving. This one is going to hurt the people pleasers a little bit, but it's also going to be helpful for you. Let's dive in. Hey, welcome to the Confident Coach Academy podcast. I'm your host, Kushla Chadwick, and if you have an audacious dream to really be at service in the world, build a profitable coaching business online and have an awesome life offline, then, my love, you are in the right place. Together we're going to talk strategy, mindset, manifestation, thought work, energy work, all the things. So let's dive in hey. Hey, my friend, how are you? We're going to dive straight into this episode on the over giving.
Kushla Chadwick:
You may have seen that I've done another episode on the block of under receiving. A lot of the times, when you start talking about under receiving or over giving, they can sound like exactly the same thing, but I decided to go ahead and do this episode. Even though I call them cousins, the distinction is enough that I think it's really important that you are able to identify where you're over giving and where you're under receiving. Now, usually, like I said, they're cousins or they go hand in hand with each other. Very, very often I see it more so that if someone's over giving, they're under receiving and if someone's under receiving they're over giving. Usually, like I said, they go hand in hand, but I want you to see very clearly the difference between the two. So I thought it would be really helpful if I started off by sharing an example for you.
Kushla Chadwick:
So recently, my business partner and I were going through an enrollment conversation, listening to a recording of a client of ours. You may or may not know that I actually run two coach schools. One is solely focused on helping my clients to become more confident in their marketing and in their coaching, and the other one is about actually helping our clients to become more trauma informed as life coaches and then like a few other things as well it's a certification program actually. So, anyway, my business partner, Erin, and I we were going through and listening to a recording of one of the clients it's a part of the certification requirements, right? And listening to an enrollment conversation, which, ps, they do have permission for us to listen to it so we make sure that they've got the required permissions and all that stuff and the time of her recording this was done before she was able to listen to the business side of the training that I give and to help with their enrollment calls. So it's really interesting to listen to how she did it and it was so obvious as we listened to, like the different blocks that were showing up for her.
Kushla Chadwick:
So what happened? She'd had a conversation, got to know what this particular client's needs were. She obviously was confident that she could help her. But then she started to talk about the money side of things and the timing side of things. Her block showed up. So initially she'd given a price point for this client to work with them and an amount of time that she would work with her. So it was like how long the coaching would go for and how often. So I think it was weekly and I think it was for an hour and in fact I know it was weekly and it was for an hour each week. Now, as
Kushla Chadwick:
she spoke and she asked the client for the potential client for some input on, like her, her offer. The client said like it's probably a bit too much in terms of the timing, the frequency, and so what the client recommended was that they do it every two weeks. Now, she was only the client, was a potential client, was only kind of given this feedback because it was asked for it, and so they're kind of going backwards and forwards and discussing it. And so what happened as soon as the potential client Shared her thoughts Basically, in which her thoughts equalled like half the amount of money for half the amount of coaching over the same period of time, right, because instead of weekly coaching for one hour, it was one hour of coaching every fortnight or biweekly, right, so technically, it was half the amount of coaching in terms of hours, right, but over the same length of time.
Kushla Chadwick:
And the conversation could have been fairly simple. It could have been yep, cool that that's fine, but what my, our client proceeded to do then was to say, oh, yep, that's totally fine, and she cut the price in half, right, so I mean, and there was no reason why the client hadn't said that it was too expensive, but she was like, cut the amount that she was charging in half and which she was charging by the session, which is not something that I normally recommend to do. But that's what she was doing at that time. Like I said, this is before she'd received the enrollment conversation, training, and she also said and if you want, we can do it weekly. So basically, in like a matter of seconds, after speaking to this client, giving her pricing and her times and stuff, and asking for the client's feedback, the client gave a little bit of feedback which she could have just said, yep, that's cool too. But instead she doubled the hours for half the pay, right. So she over gave in terms of her time and she under received in terms of the money. Now For feedback. For that particular client it was like it's fine, you know it's done. It was good practice for her.
Kushla Chadwick:
There's some lessons you can learn and I think there's no ultimate failures. You know you just like you do something to get feedback. You know you do something, you learn a lesson, right, and then you go and you do better next time, right. So it was totally fine. But I want you to imagine If that were to continue. Do you think that would lead to resentment from my client? I can tell you For sure it would.
Kushla Chadwick:
This particular client runs two businesses. She's got, I think, four children. She's got a very, very full life, like most of us, right, very full life, and so I Just give that example just to show you. Sometimes we're like Under receiving, like we're not asking for what it is that we truly want, because we're afraid the answer is going to be no. We're afraid of how will be perceived, you know, in the asking, and Other times we're like over giving and it's for the same reasons where we're afraid that we're afraid of how will be perceived if we don't give as much as we're giving. I'll give kind of an example. That sounds like really small, but I think it's a big deal.
Kushla Chadwick:
So, as you guys know, on podcasting, I've had to have some, not had to, but I've chosen to have some big breaks In my first year of podcasting. Not ideal, not what I planned, but after consideration as I went along, I decided to do it. Now, one of the reasons I've decided to have big breaks and podcasting is we bought a new puppy into our house, as you may have heard on a previous episode of the podcast, and he is beautiful and he's amazing. And one of the reasons that we decided to bring a puppy into our house at this time was because it was helpful for one of my daughter's mental health, and my children's well-being especially when it comes to mental health, obviously as a coach, is a big deal and it's a priority, and it was a bigger priority right now than my podcast now. So we tried doing different things and I just decided that it was better for us to allow space for us to train the puppy more and and podcast less.
Kushla Chadwick:
Now, that wasn't the only reason, but it was one of the main reasons. The environment just was not good with the noise of the puppy for me to be doing podcasting in the house, and I had other options I could walk in podcast or go podcast in my car, you know, put an app on the phone or whatever, but I knew I wanted to podcast in here and I just. That was the decision that I made. Now, come today, when I'm about to record this podcasting episode, our puppy, which has gone through enough training, now started to bark and so I promptly went to my daughter's room she happens to be home right now and told her she has to go take puppy out for a walk because I'm about to start podcasting and, Honestly, if it would had been a earlier version of myself, I may have Decided I will do it later and then do it later, and do it later like giving over giving of my time, you know, of my business hours and and so I decided, when I knew that I was going to start podcasting again, that I wouldn't make these compromises and that I had made enough compromise and if I were to keep doing it, that would not come from a nice, clean place energetically, not a healthy place energetically, and what we want to do in our giving to others is for it to come from a really clean space.
Kushla Chadwick:
And I think you know most of us can recognize when we're starting to feel resentment or frustration at something or someone, when we have given them something and we might not identify it as over giving at the time, but where we've given and it doesn't feel good to give what we're giving. And it could be something as small as like dropping your children off maybe the adult children or children who could have their license by now. Right, you know, dropping them off and picking them up somewhere. I use that as an example because my husband and I we have three adult children now. Our youngest is 19 and, yeah, our oldest is 25 and two of our children have licenses and one doesn't. And sometimes one of our children asks us to pick her up more than I would like to, and more than I think is good for her own development. And I know a lot of parents. You know I'm talking about picking a child up and dropping them off.
Kushla Chadwick:
I think some of you might relate and some of you might think Kushla, like, what's the big deal? You know, and others will be like, no, they have to get their license straight away. You know, like whatever, or maybe you don't have adult children, maybe you've got young children or no children or whatever, but you get the gist of it. You know you're helping someone. Now, for me, I will say no, like probably three times more than my husband will.
Kushla Chadwick:
I will pick up and drop off my daughter when I feel good about it, when energetically, like so when I say energetically, I'm like mentally, I think good thoughts about it, I am happy to help her on that particular day or mentally I'm like, yeah, it would be good to pick her up so I can also do this. Because where she works, like, sometimes I go down there and she works in retail, and so you know what I mean. Like mentally or emotionally, I feel good about doing it. And sometimes, when I like it's inconvenient too and I don't want to, and I still say yes, then I check myself to make sure that I change it so that I do feel good about doing it for her. Now, sometimes I know I'm like I don't want to do the mental work or the emotional work to to feel good about it, and it's just no, because this other thing that I'm doing right now is a priority and you know, or I just don't want to do it. It doesn't have to be because I've got something else on, it's just I don't want to, it's just a no, because it feels like it's not coming from a great space to do it.
Kushla Chadwick:
And so I know, as I share that, that there are a lot of people who use love as a reason to over give or, like you know, yeah, I can do it, I can put up with it. They're okay to be the one who gives more in a relationship, whether it's like maybe you've got a job and it's between a co-worker and you, or a partner or children, or parents, or friendship, whatever, um, with a client, right, we, we can justify our reasons for continuing to over give and I think like there's no right or wrong amount of giving to give. Technically, like you know, I don't know, because I'm not in your situation, I'm not with you right now coaching you but we have to apply wisdom to our lives and and our giving should be reflective of our priorities at any given time. It should be reflective of our values, our true values, and it should be reflective of our looking after ourselves as well.
Kushla Chadwick:
Okay, and often you'll see people who are giving and giving, giving, giving, and they're like no, I feel good about it, they don't sense any frustration coming up, they don't sense any resentment coming up, and then some, then their health crashes Right. And so sometimes it's not about the feelings or thoughts, it's about what your actual needs are, and this is where worthiness can really rear its head and we can see like there's some work to do, because often, when we're over giving, it's because we ourselves don't feel worthy in some way, shape or form to ask for our needs to be met, to be honest with the other person like this is what I really need for me, this is what I really prefer for me, this is what I really want for me, and we're not willing to have conversations that feel like they might be difficult for whatever reason for us. And so, instead of stating the truth, we basically people please in some way shape or form and leave ourselves over giving, and so I don't want that for you. I want you to give and give generously, and sometimes to give with no expectation of anything back. I think that's real love, but also know that it's appropriate and really intelligent at times to say no, and probably in some places where you're currently saying yes. Okay? I think if you're drawn to listen to this episode, you probably are someone who, somewhere in your life, needs to be careful of over giving. I know that that person has been me and it's something I watch out for from time to time to make sure that I'm giving, I want to say like 99% of the time, from a really clean space. You know, whether it's like hosting someone at our home or driving someone somewhere, or like, you know, helping to clean something, going to do an active service, teaching Sunday school, like whatever that I'm giving from a place that feels clean is the way I keep describing it. You might describe it a different way, but there's like no negative feelings that are getting pushed down and pushed down as a result of me giving the thing that I'm saying yes to. Okay, anyway, model of the story is be clean. Be clean, get from a clean space and you'll receive more abundantly as a result of that and you'll feel so much more joy in the giving that you give. I think I'll wrap up with this.
Kushla Chadwick:
Sometimes people get a little bit confused because, like you know, I myself am religious and, as a Christian, one of the tenants we have, like one of the things, is sacrifice. But I want to say even sacrifice, like, for instance, you know, the sacrifice of delaying how often I podcast and the frequency, like for a number of months. That sacrifice, right, which really is delaying the might growing my audience side through the platform of podcasting, which delays, you know, more potential community members, more leads, more paying clients, right, like that's the reality. I was happy to make that sacrifice for a while. So a sacrifice like you can make sacrifices sometimes and that's all good right, but you need to know when to pull it back.
Kushla Chadwick:
You need to decide and not just reactively but be intentional and check in with your goals, check in with your challenges and it's not about always doing things from a logical point of view like I believe in. Like, let's check in with your heart and your brain, get some coherence happening there and start to make decisions there based on your priorities and based on your values that are going to inform you more about. You know when's the right time to give what, how much is appropriate for you personally, and then you know go forthright or don't. Don't feel like you need to apologize for when you choose to say no or to pull back. You know you are responsible for your life and Part of that is prioritizing where to direct your, your efforts, your energy, your attention, your time. All of that, and there's no perfect route for any of us.
Kushla Chadwick:
You know I'm a mother with three children who used to homeschool, and I grew my business to six figures while I was homeschooling and I still had a great life offline. I, for me, one of my values is Freedom and another one is is fun, and so it's interesting for me like I am so sure that so many of my clients who don't have fun is one of their higher values, would have said yes More than I have, or no, and I so would have said no more than I have at times. To things there's no like it, just right or just wrong. Okay, it's just gonna be clean from your perspective, from your values, from the way that you want to show up in the world. All right, my friend, I hope that in some way, shape or form, this has been helpful for you today.
Kushla Chadwick:
If you want more help, if you find you getting in your own way which we all do sometimes you know if you're going around in circles or if you just decided, like, this is the year where you're going to shine way more brightly, you're not giving your excuses the space that you have in the past and you want some help and some support to do that. I would love to help you. So you can just reach out to me. You can message me on Instagram. On Instagram, you'll find me at Kush Chadwick. Or you can come to my Facebook group. I'll put the link to that in the comment section. Or you can private message me on my business page on Facebook and just just message me the word ready and I will hook up a time to have a conversation with you and see if, like, depending on what your goals and stuff are like, what's the best way for myself, my team, to support you and help you to create a life in a business you really really love. All right, my friend.
