Season 1: Episode 7:Helping Friends Recognize Their Need for Self-Care

Have you ever felt guilty for taking a moment to yourself, or thought that self-care was just an unnecessary luxury? We’ve been there too, and today we're here to change your mind. In this powerful conversation, we share our own journeys of realizing the importance of self-care and how we can create an environment that encourages it – from scheduling it into our day to creating a peaceful atmosphere for ourselves. Listen in as we discuss how simple acts of self-care can reduce anxiety, irritability, and insomnia, and create positive effects in other areas of life.

Not only is self-care crucial for us as individuals, but it's also essential in helping our friends recognize when they need it too. Learn how the mantra of ‘it can wait’ can be a game-changer in understanding when those around us need some self-care and how we can assist them in getting it. Don’t miss this episode where we emphasize the importance of self-care for our mental, emotional, and physical health and how it’s something we should all prioritize. Remember, taking care of ourselves is not just a luxury, but a necessity!

Powerful The Podcast Intro

Powerful the podcast  Outro Music

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:25

Welcome to powerful the podcast. I am one of your hosts Shalonda Carlile Kawasaki Williams, Dr Bianca Bulley And today we're going to talk about self care. It is so important, especially with women, that we take care of ourselves. Self care is something 80% of us don't do as good as we should do. Self care is an activity done on purpose, for enjoyment. It's not always pedicures or manicures or massages. It's actually an activity you do to relax. So I know all of us are, you know, moms or mom figures, and we work full time and some of us are married and have multiple jobs that we are doing. Do you think we are creating an environment where we can do more self care?

Speaker 2: 1:30

Growing up I wasn't taught self care And so I was, at a young age, put in the role of doing for everyone. My mom. If my brother was in trouble, my mom would say what's you going to do? And I'm like what's you talking about? Well, you know, we need to do this, we need to do that.

Speaker 2: 1:52

And so, from a young child on, I was taught to do for everybody else, put myself life, and it wasn't until I actually I don't know if even having other women in my life would have made a difference, but it wasn't until I opened and kind of got out of my shell that I saw that I was neglecting myself physically, mentally, emotionally, because self care involves all that.

Speaker 2: 2:22

That I started saying, okay, if I don't want to do anything, that's okay, i don't have to do anything If I just want to rest, if I just want to sleep, if I just want to watch TV and binge watch my law and order, that's my self care. I want to go get my nails done and not feeling guilty about it I used to feel if I didn't get something done for the other person, whatever I was supposed to get done, or if I forgot, you know, because people were so used to me remembering and doing, And I said, well, i forgot what you mean. You forgot Well. Well, that's when, you know, as I got more and more open with my circuit, i was like it's okay for me to forget. You know, i have all these other things going on And if I didn't remember first of all, it's not even my responsibility.

Speaker 3: 3:05

And so it's okay for you to say I just didn't want to do it.

Speaker 2: 3:07

I don't want to do it, yeah, and I feel guilty about that now. That's self care too. We can say no and empower that now.

Speaker 1: 3:15

Right.

Speaker 2: 3:17

And so at first I thought it was getting nails and giving feet done, that was my self care. And then I'm like, no, i need a little bit more, and you know, i might just go to Sephora and just walk around because I love makeup. Okay, i was in there an hour or two. Okay, i don't know what I wanted to do. I might not buy that number. That's what I want, so self care looks different for everybody.

Speaker 1: 3:39

We have to remember to not regulate self care to one time a month. We have to implement it daily. Even if it's just getting your favorite candy or taking a bubble bath, or going on the on the porch and drinking a cup of coffee, or watching your favorite movie, or meditating or deep breathing or singing your favorite song in the car, those are all self care that we can do that doesn't take a lot of time. But also Our body tells us when it needs self care And I think sometimes we don't recognize or we ignore the signs. It could be you're not sleeping. It could be you're having panic attacks, it could be you're a little bit more irritable. Your body tells you.

Speaker 1: 4:38

But we get in this constant array of I gotta do this for the kids or I gotta get this done for work And, like Bianca say, we put ourself last where we supposed to be putting ourself first. Because if you don't take care of yourself first, how good are you gonna be to take care of others? I had a colleague and she gave the example about if it's one mask on the plane and you had to put it on you or your child, which one would you do? And so the group was kinda like in conflict about it, but the right answer is put it on you, because if you pass out, you can't help anybody else, and so I love that metaphor because we have to make sure that we incorporate that in our day to day activities.

Speaker 2: 5:35

Yeah, that's what I'm learning to do. I haven't got down to doing it every day, so I schedule it. I put it on my phone.

Speaker 3: 5:43

Right, as long as you're getting it in, and it may be like she'll understand, it may be just okay. I'm just gonna sit in the car 10 minutes. This is my 10 minutes to myself. People don't understand why you sit in the car that long. 10 minutes does turn into an hour, but You better say that. But it helps to go ahead and fight another day.

Speaker 2: 6:03

I mean it works for me. It's many days my husband come home and he's like well, why are you in the car? Peace, solace.

Speaker 3: 6:14

Peace be still. And I say to myself daily, each day I need me. Everybody else needs me. I need me, i understand it, but I need me.

Speaker 1: 6:24

And we have to set an atmosphere for self-care. We have to create the ambience. So in my room I make sure I have my blackout curtains, i have a humidifier that has, like you-collip, this and lavender oil. I make sure that my room is an Oasis. Because I do so much during the week, i have to make sure when I come to my place of solitude that it's peaceful and serene.

Speaker 3: 6:57

That's how I do it, like the blackout curtains and Alexa is always on, the rain sounds cause my husband gets sick. He say I'm so tired of hearing it rain. Well, it's not raining. I say it's raining every day. This is how we gonna go to sleep.

Speaker 2: 7:10

My day.

Speaker 3: 7:11

It didn't physically rain, but it rained, it rained, it stormed, sometimes It stormed.

Speaker 2: 7:18

I come home and I'm like if you only knew what I endured today, mentally, exactly.

Speaker 1: 7:25

So setting a tone for your day is very important. I made a commitment to myself when I woke up today that I was gonna have a great day. When I got in the car, I decided that I wanted to listen to Whitney Houston today. So I put on her essentials and that's what I've been listening to. So I created the tone for my day Exactly.

Speaker 3: 7:45

And you have to speak that over yourself, Like the tone is very powerful. You have to. It's very powerful. So if you speak, if you're thinking positive, you speak positive. that's the day you're gonna have.

Speaker 2: 7:56

That's how I started my day.

Speaker 1: 7:58

And also we have to recognize when our friends need self-care and help them get the self-care of their need. And if you know me and both of you all have known me for years I will always say just rest Or let's go have a staycation.

Speaker 2: 8:16

That can wait.

Speaker 1: 8:18

I always get on to you all about taking care of yourself.

Speaker 3: 8:21

Yes, you do.

Speaker 2: 8:22

Yeah, she'll say I don't bother much, cause I know I'm playful, but when I do, she'll say, be that can wait, right, it can wait, it can wait, and I think about it for a minute, i just be like, but it can wait Right.

Speaker 3: 8:40

That's when you get the LLC, that it can wait.

Speaker 1: 8:42

Yeah. So we have to make this a mantra, especially for everybody before, for women as well. We have to make sure that we increase the ambience of self-care, because when you increase the ambience of self-care, that's gonna decrease your anxiety, that's gonna decrease your irritability, it may help with your insomnia, it may create more positive conversations with other areas of your life, especially with dealing with people And we deal with people all the time And sometimes they disturb our self-care. So this is our opportunity to take our power back and create that environment for positive self-care.

Speaker 1: 9:34

It also helps your health. Yes, health as well. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Oh well, this concludes our segment on self-care. I would like for you all to have a fabulous day and stay blessed. Bye-bye, bye.