Season 2: Episode 4:Building Successful Relationships with Kinoy Brown through Candid Discussions

Cohost 

Ever wondered about the power of open and honest conversations, especially when getting to know someone of the opposite sex? We had the chance to sit down with Mr. Kinoy Brown, host of the KBRS Morning Show on Facebook Live, to explore this topic and uncover the benefits of discussing real-life issues such as healthy eating, credit, and family life. Transparency and honesty are key, and together, we emphasized the importance of putting everything on the table when connecting with potential partners.

As our discussion progressed, we uncovered how crucial open and honest conversations are in building successful relationships. Kinoy and I delved into the importance of addressing difficult topics before marriage and setting clear expectations for the journey ahead. We also acknowledged the unique challenges women face in finding a partner willing to be transparent and considered the idea of single mixers to help bridge the gap in understanding each other's expectations.

Lastly, we shifted the focus inward and talked about the importance of having an honest conversation with yourself about what you truly want in a relationship. Understanding your own needs and desires is essential in finding the right companion, and happiness must come from within first. Listen in as Kinoy and I stress the need to practice self-care and cultivate happiness from within before seeking it in a partner.

Powerful The Podcast Intro

Powerful the podcast  Outro Music

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:25

Welcome to Power. For the Podcast Today we have Mr Kanoy Brown. He will be our guest today and we will be discussing uncomfortable conversations regarding the opposite sex. Kanoy Brown is the host of the KBRS Morning Show on Facebook Live. Kanoy is a 1995 graduate of Canton High School and attended Alcorn State University. This man of God is a community advocate that loves doing service projects that gives the followers and listeners of his show an opportunity to get involved in helping their fellow neighbor. So let's welcome Mr Kanoy Brown and before we start I wanted to thank you. I saw all of the wonderful things that you're doing rolling for, so I want to just apply to you on all of the efforts that you have been doing to get those individuals the help that they need.

Speaker 2: 1:22

That's what I do, man, And that's how this whole show got started. you know, it's that sport just working in the community, having people.

Speaker 1: 1:29

So let's get into it. One of the questions that I'm just dying to ask is when men and women decide they're going to date, what are some of the conversations that they need to be having when you're dating somebody of the opposite sex that we don't talk about?

Speaker 2: 1:45

First off, meeting the opposite sex, the female. They probably consider me having weird conversations because I have real. I'm a blunt person. First of all. I mean I'm going to, i mean that, just me. I feel like I don't like beating around a bush. I don't lie, i'm not a liar, i hate a liar. So I like to put stuff on the table And so I want to talk about your help. I mean I'm going to help junkie, so I eat well, don't eat, you know, a lot of meat. I need someone with that same mind frame. No need of us. I'm eating healthy. And then you two sandwiches from having a stroke. That's real conversation.

Speaker 2: 2:17

When the last time you've been to the doctor, when your year was going on credit, you know real life issue. I'm 46. I'll be 47 June 30, in case I want to give me some June 30. And so I'm past the sex life, the hidden and quitting kind of past that I'm. I'm more on some wrong folks conversation. I have some like some wrong folks conversation.

Speaker 2: 2:41

I actually the book is called Get In My Groove Back and the author and the guy that this just kind of got in the divorce And so he wasn't going to jump into anything soon and quick And so came up with an idea to where he would actually date at least 100 women in one year And that you know, of course, that raised a flag in our community because we think, and you know, because you go on a date, you got to be involved, you have sex. I mean, what is not true? You go on a date, let last 10 minutes, you know, let's go get a coffee, let's go, let's go catch lunch. Right quick, i got 30 minutes online, you know. Look quick dates to get to know people and to have those general hard conversation that we talk about. That makes sense.

Speaker 3: 3:27

Yes, but what is? what is what is one of the most uncomfortable conversations that you've ever had to have with a woman after first meeting, you know, after you met her and kind of dated her less this a month?

Speaker 2: 3:40

for me personally, my south side, my meekness. A lot of guys and this is what I gathered from Black male When it comes to communicating they always have to have this muncho on the man role, don't want to see meek because they think it makes them weak. And so those come with conversation where I open up and actually let a lady into my actual soul and be vulnerable with her and actually have like conversations to where we both make zero. You know me because we have a real live conversation, whether it's about family, your family circle, and for me I'm recently I'm the three year divorce and I was 16 year old daughter, and so it's just me and her, and so my conversations is to the point where I'm not, i'm not looking for a wife, i'm not looking for a relationship right now, because I know I can't give a woman what she deserve and that's dating time. My total focus now is on my family, which is my daughter and my dad. It's like you know, once I get her out of school, then maybe I can focus on a relationship, and that's that's why I get a lot of kudos. That because a lot of women reach out and I tell them at the door you know what I'm looking for and what I'm not. You know I'm not going to make me marry anything. So and they appreciate the honest And so I think one of the conversations is just my honesty.

Speaker 2: 5:12

I'm just a blunt person because I really have your friendship in your body, you know. I mean friendship goes a long way, you know, and it's gonna last a week or two and y'all now y'all on bad terms Have those kind of conversations like real grown open conversations to the point where I believe in transparent, i put everything on the table And I think that's a lot of us go wrong in transparent. That's hard conversation I have. Because most men approach women with the relationship mode because they just assume that they just put that one to one you know just our relationship and so that they can get somewhere with her, instead of being honest and open when you meet her and put the ball in her court and then let her decide if she still wants to go out and have drinks or have dinner with you. Conversation because some guys think that they tell the truth, they're going to lose it.

Speaker 3: 6:00

So so do you think that most guys that have that particular approach when it comes to women, do you think they come in and that these are damaged men that are assuming okay, hey, just off the back, she wants a relationship, she wants this married life, this, that, you know, this, that and the other. But that's not really what they want of truly seeking, because she may be the person, like you stated earlier, she may want to heal from the inside out, so she just wants somebody she can go out with, lay out with, talk to and just get to know. So do you think that most men that have that approach are just damaged individuals?

Speaker 2: 6:34

I wouldn't say damaged individuals, because I'm a mistake that I normally make. I'm a gentleman and so my best friend is a female and so when I meet a chick, we just hanging out or whatever they get attacked because women are emotional creatures. And so my best friend said I need to quit doing relationship type of stuff. And then what she meant by that is I'm a gentleman, i'm gonna open the door, i'm gonna call and check on you, you know, even though we're just friends and that's hanging out, but women get attached to that And so that and especially for a man, in my mindset that makes me back off.

Speaker 2: 7:10

I don't know how to mistreat you. I mean so if it's coming off as I'm, given relationship vibe, that's what I know. But I'm gonna need you to keep your feelings that baby, because I'm just a gentleman, you know what I mean. So I do multiple dates. I have friends, we go out and have drinks, go have cigars, we go, you know, lab, and that's basically it, and so I don't think it's the damage. I think a lot of men are afraid of commitment, if that's honest to say a lot of afraid of commitment.

Speaker 4: 7:40

But well, you were once married and was in a committed relationship. What are some of the uncomfortable conversations you think you should have had doing your marriage that were not discussed?

Speaker 2: 7:58

or say Yeah, family values, family value, That is. If I had to do it again, i think I would recommend a serious, serious counseling session. I'm talking about that last month, that little two hours you go to a preacher for counseling. That's not gonna prepare you for what life is gonna throw at you. And so those conversations is her life values. You know what does she believe in? raising a child or get sick? Are you gonna be that a pushman or wheelchair?

Speaker 2: 8:32

Real hard life conversation. You know you have some marriages. You know somebody get sick, somebody, the other person out of that One person want to raise a child one way and you was raised another way. All those are conflicts and marriages that you're never prepared for And those are conversations you need to have on your first date. If you're thinking that this is who God sent you, i think those are some conversations you need to have. You need to get to know that person. You need to know. You know if counselor, she need to know counselor here and cut the breast off, i mean, what's your thought on that? You know real hard life conversation that the cause life on a frozen parable And it's depend on how you swing it. You know if you're gonna make it or not, and so those kind of conversation. Health finances what is her budget plan? Do she like saving a share of spend, all the all that kind of stuff? And I think that'll save a lot of people a lot of time, because I hope that I did it for 18 years.

Speaker 4: 9:26

What is your biggest fear And what is your love language?

Speaker 2: 9:31

My love language. it's Applix, basically our language. genuine words, i mean, and you know I got a spirit of discernment. I know if you're real or not, so I really like someone who to actually pour their heart out. You know what I mean. And so and that's another thing that I think couples need to learn each other's love like, so they can play on it. You know what I mean.

Speaker 1: 9:53

That's my big But Kanaw, we have a lot of people that want the title of being married but don't want all of the things that it entails. We got this checklist now, or this social media checklist, where I want to be married. I need to find me somebody to get married, we need to have a family, we need to do ABC and D, but the components that you speak of are what makes a successful marriage.

Speaker 2: 10:22

True that, true that, true that Not picking on women, but that's that's the ultimate goal for the woman. You know what I mean? Marriage and family, that's the ultimate goal and it's not the ultimate goal for most men. I can find 10 great women, and women can only find about one to two great men. You see what I'm saying. So that's the women. The great women outnumber us.

Speaker 2: 10:45

Good, because women, most women, are independent, they degrade up, they're making their own money, and so it's easy to find a woman, and so the man know that, and so the man is actually deprived. You need to be flat foot, honest with you, because you probably can't name five great men if you just take your dad and run dad out. I'm talking about some good hosting guys, father through guys, christ, like you know, garfing guys. I mean that that is hard to come by In today's society. You know you have the, your homosexual, you have your download brother, you have the in-pril brother. You got no working brothers.

Speaker 2: 11:21

I mean so to find a great guy, that's, that's, that's, that's a needle in the haystack. But on the other hand, with the woman, her ultimate goal is marriage and family. But how hard is that for her to find that I, all women want that talking on You're true, that's. That is true, 100% true. A lot of women don't? A lot of women just want you know, someone who they can confide in and just a good, clean partner They can hang out with, shop with, travel with, i mean. That's why I'm a little bumping ground here and there.

Speaker 3: 11:48

I mean, that's how they really want They don't want you to. They don't really need you. In other words, like most women that are independent career or, you know, have everything that career driven, they really don't.

Speaker 2: 11:59

That's all they want to be, to be a little and to be you know how far is that to find that man to be honest with that, though? Because he he approaching her on a whole different level, because he thinking if he tell her the truth, he gonna lose her. You see what I'm saying, and so most guys just they. They won't be honest and transparent. That's why we do these single mix, mixing, mingles. Most guys are not coming. It's just 80 women in there, there's only 10 guys because they don't lie about their status. You some saying, instead of just being open and honest, telling you I've got way more friendships out of being honest than lying to anybody Because, like I said, i'm gonna, i'm not gonna lie. I mean, hey, i'm not looking for a relationship, not finna get married, i mean in no time zone.

Speaker 3: 12:46

So the expectations are that that that's why they it wouldn't be okay. I expect to know the married me. I expect to know the do it because you've already laid it out. Hey, this ain't what you want. You know this is not what you want to do. So, therefore, this is all we're gonna do. That woman, she's gonna make up in her mind This is all we're gonna do.

Speaker 4: 13:04

Not all the time You have that woman that's gonna hear all. What a hear everything. Can always say it and still say I still can win them all.

Speaker 2: 13:14

Later, what's your cash up? Because I promise you, i'm serious, i have. I have women that actually thinking they're gonna change my mind and they cater and they do, and I'm talking about some awesome women, like if I was gonna get married, it'll be to the woman that we just split up.

Speaker 4: 13:32

They take care of him, they take care of the kid, they take care everything I'm talking about.

Speaker 3: 13:37

In order to break that particular cycle, you got to spell a slam in the door on some of their leads and therefore they are no. Hey, this and what can all walk? This is what he means.

Speaker 2: 13:45

Like again, my best friends had a good relationship, type of stuff, but that's just who I am, i mean right, you're right, you know, and it just I can't help that.

Speaker 2: 13:55

You know what I mean And so I'm not gonna, like, mistreat you or treat you bad, dog you out, just help your friend. You know, no, i'm gonna. I'm gonna still cater to you and treat you like a woman, but at the same time, how many times a week do I have to tell you look, i ain't ready for that? Or, you know, i'm just not, i'm not in that mindset yet. You know what I'm saying. Because someday, like I'm home and don't want to talk you know what I mean Because you're very introvert, and so some days I'm full of life, some days I want to come home and chill, i want to talk, and it's not fair to a woman that I'm dating.

Speaker 4: 14:24

How difficult is it to have these conversations with the opposite sex? You want to be just a friend. It's it's.

Speaker 2: 14:32

It's not difficult at all. I can promise you it's not. I was on the Michael Bayden podcast and not, and that's what. That's what I spoke about Being transparent and being open and honest. I mean it's not hard because I'm in the mindset Okay, if I lose you, whatever I lost.

Speaker 4: 14:49

You know what I'm saying So it's not hard to have the conversation.

Speaker 2: 14:54

Maybe it's hard for them to receive the information In order for them to receive that, because they see that all they see is, you know, a decent guy got a career. They I mean he would, you know, raise his door, you know, and that's what they see and it makes it makes the perfect. I mean no, it makes the perfect level, but you got to go find another one. I mean, cuz I'm just not. I done it, you know. I mean I mean I'm gonna be.

Speaker 3: 15:26

You just want to be loose at this point. A loose. When I say loose, i mean, you just want to.

Speaker 2: 15:33

I don't know strange attached. I just want to chill a man like I don't like pressure. No, i mean, i I did not myself for 18 years to take care of my family, because that's how I was raised. I was without to take care of the family and so I got married at a young age, like at 22, so I didn't even, i didn't even know who can know it was.

Speaker 2: 15:51

Can I be, cannot and enjoy stuff? Can I just jump right into a family and got grown and got houses and cars and just, you know, just took on Four responsibilities. They enjoy the young adulthood and so now I'm not trying to catch up, you know, come catch up time or whatever. I'm 46, but I'd like, i want to, like I get up now and get in my truck, get on the highway and say, end up in Dallas or well, at anywhere. You know, i mean, just like I was like the crowd, i'd go by myself, leave by myself, cuz I'm around people all the time And so I get tired, you know I mean, and so I take a trip over late every night and then, but She gonna warm me up, like.

Speaker 3: 16:29

Like. So it's like. Now you're moving on your own terms. It's not like hey. I'm not moving to somebody else's be, though, moving to please my significant other in this moment.

Speaker 2: 16:39

You're moving for canoes move for car And that compensation. I heard that promise. You're not, it's not, it's not.

Speaker 3: 16:47

I mean, i don't care how successful she is, and you know, and you think okay, i gotta play this role, so I'm losing, i'm good and that's the problem people, me and a plan role You don't even have to play, just be that written straight up, like you see, no need to play you don't have to play the road now.

Speaker 2: 17:05

You know, i promise you don't, because there's there's a woman out there Who wants the same thing that you, that you offer it. I mean, you just gotta be bold enough to have a conversation. I.

Speaker 4: 17:15

Truly believe there is one for everyone. However, you believe what now? I say I truly believe there is someone for everyone, but we're not as Open and honest and ready to have those conversations as you are.

Speaker 2: 17:33

So you're thinking that everybody is supposed to be married? No, that's not But you're thinking companionship, that everybody's supposed to have someone.

Speaker 4: 17:42

No, i'm just saying it's somebody for everyone. If you want that, oh Okay, yeah, if you want that, i feel like it's a yeah. If that's what you want, you know. You just need to know what your path is, what you want, and go from there. No, everyone is not meant to be with someone. I'm just saying if that's what you want, there's somebody out there for you. You just have to be patient to find that exact. Doc. Are you married? I am. How long I've been married?

Speaker 2: 18:14

for years, really, god you know I post that speaking something happening in marriage. Would you do it again?

Speaker 4: 18:22

No. I mean, that's just thank you for the honesty I got married late in life, i Feel like you're more apt to stand a marriage in the long haul when you get married at your age, at 22. So me and you are the same age. We both graduated in 95.

Speaker 2: 18:49

Okay, wow.

Speaker 4: 18:51

I feel like if I would have got married at 22, i probably would have stayed married for the 18 years, like you did. But because I didn't, when you get out of school is this I'm gonna go to college, i'm gonna get married, i'm gonna have children, i'm gonna get my job. Once you have all of that and you add someone to that later on in life, you can't say that your way.

Speaker 3: 19:24

Yeah, it goes me to the chick list then that Shalonda spoke about earlier for deaf, and you know he's like, once I follow, boom, you know he goes with typical of School. You know, career, school, career. Now time for the marriage. Then, once you get there, then where you now like, are you gonna become complacent? Okay, this is what I wanted, or what are you gonna try? What? what do you have to do to put the work in?

Speaker 4: 19:47

be okay Where you are now fine, probably could have hung up, but I didn't have a chick list. Okay, i didn't. I didn't have a checklist. I did want to become married. I wanted to have a family. God just had a different plan for me. Mm-hmm, i did get married. I didn't have the child or the children, and That's how that the plan rolled out. I continued to go to school and Attained a degree, but I didn't have a checklist. I Honestly didn't know where my life was gonna go. I didn't want the white picket thing.

Speaker 1: 20:29

I think people Have their own idea about what happiness looks like to them. And happiness, you know, those things are the thing in their mind that They feel just gonna make them happy. You know we all want what most people their idea of happiness Is having the, the huckstables relationship. But as you get older and you start living, That's not actually what happiness is is it comes from within and then another person just brings Additional joy, but it's. We just see things totally different from wherever we seen when we were younger And as we get older, I think we are smell-fitted.

Speaker 4: 21:14

You are responsible for your own happiness. It is not my responsibility to make you happy or to fulfill you. I'm a added bonus.

Speaker 3: 21:24

Mm-hmm. My mama always thought of this as an inside job, though You have to be happy from the inside out.

Speaker 4: 21:30

This, this you, that's a you thing and some people are not ready to do the work on themselves to Make themselves happy. So then I Won't. I don't want to say a burden or baggage, but they're not, as Erica by dues Song says, you bringing that baggage into that their relationship. You need to do the work on yourself, make yourself happy and then Bob yourself in a relationship.

Speaker 1: 21:58

Let's see what's going on. Now that I see You know a lot of people are not looking at the effects of these relationships. We starting to do more of Pro creating multiple times with different people, and that and that causes a lot of different things, not just for men But for women. We decide that, okay, i can procreate with this person, i can have different children by different people, and That's okay, but not thinking about What the after fix is gonna be for that child, because you already seen red flags with this particular person That you decided you want to have a relationship with. I just think all of this kind of intertwines when we're deciding, having these uncomfortable conversations.

Speaker 4: 22:48

The opposite sets about what we want In the relationship and sometimes you have these uncomfortable conversations with people and They're not honest with themselves. When they're having the conversation, say, rather you having a conversation with the person you're one to be with, and they're telling you they're ready, they're telling you they did the work, but they haven't yeah, so the words and actions are just not mentioned.

Speaker 4: 23:20

Yes, they put the front up first, the facade, and you say, okay, they make the change, they doing the work, they did this, but who you are is always gonna show up. I Care how much you tell you can talk a good game all day long, but who you truly are is eventually gonna show up. I Say if you don't consistently, continually do the work.

Speaker 3: 23:51

So do you think that people, in other words, do you think that they, they're pretenders and they think you can only pretend so long?

Speaker 4: 23:58

No, i don't, I don't. They don't see themselves as pretenders. They see them, says I can accomplish this, i can do this, i don't have to, i Don't have to be this way. And so they want to change, but either they are victim of their environment or their victim of them, the Games that are being played in their head. They want to do it, but they got maybe a group of friends that's saying don't do it or you can't do it. You find Mm-hmm, it's, it's, it's. Sometimes they don't know, they're pretending. Sometimes you said you, you, you have a conversation, say you Don't want to be here, and they say I do want to be here, but your action, shame that you don't want to be here. I Don't know what you talking about.

Speaker 3: 24:43

Oh, Oh, and I think too, as women, we what I'm not gonna say you, when you look at trying to change the, let's say, the individual, i think I've made up in my mind I can only change the human being that I had. I'm not into changing others, so that's the only thing that I know that I can possibly change And that's what I have to. That was my responsibility not to change the particular individual which I could say that I'm married. I ain't into whatever ways you have, that's on you. You have to do the work. You have to do XYZ. I can't make a chick list to say you need to do XYZ, just know.

Speaker 4: 25:31

If people, if people just honestly meet people where they are and take it for face value it's like that old saying it's a snake to you, they're going to bite you. Believe them. If I tell you, like Kanora was saying earlier, i don't want to be in a relationship, i don't have time for a relationship. I'm a single father, that's what I'm focused on My brand, my child. you're my child through school. Believe it, accept it. And if you can't move on, don't sit up there and try to make it something that is not. don't try to manipulate or change the narrative. for me, stop trying to change people. accept them for who they are And accept what they tell you the first time. I don't care if they tell you next week they want something different. What you told me. your first mind is always right. What they told you the first time is what they really, what they really got their hearts set on.

Speaker 1: 26:29

Kanora, you got any closing thoughts?

Speaker 2: 26:32

No, exactly What she said, though, and that's why I get a lot of relationships go south. When you meet a person, you meet them. You're following their personality. Don't try to change them. I believe in organic love. I don't believe in forcing that. I believe in. You know, if love is going to come, it's going to come. I believe in organic. Just let it flow. Now, if it grows to that, so be it, but I don't think you should push your agenda on someone else just because of the way you feel and the way you was raised. Everybody's not raised like that. Everybody wasn't raised in the Western culture where mother and father in the house, so you can't change people's beliefs. I don't know who said that while I go, but a guy can only faith for so long, and it's true color.

Speaker 2: 27:18

You know what I mean. And then when it showed, then what? Now you don't mess up a whole friendship that could have been genuine and a great friendship for life, all because you, you know, you played the role in which you wasn't ready for. That's one of my biggest thoughts. I don't let my personality take me to where my character can't stand, and so I just believe in genuine friendship And if it goes there, you know, so be it. I mean I'm not going to fight it, i'm different. I mean I love me and I'm not going to mistreat me for someone else. And I had to learn that through marriage, deny myself, and so, like I came to the age now, well, i'm not going to mistreat myself anymore And I mean I'm going to I mean I work too hard, i'm going to love me And I'm not a big heart. I love people, i love community And I think those doctors I think you know it built for companionship. But I mean that don't mean we built for marriage. I think she was saying, like most people are infatuated with weddings and marriage but really not ready for what comes with that. And that is he, that a lot of women they won't marriage. But are you really marriage material? That's, that's two different things. Are you marriage material? I mean, you got the in.

Speaker 2: 28:32

Most women, all women, they are nurturers. They, they're born nurturers And that's just what they're doing. That's how they was, that's what's in them. I'm raising my daughter but I'm catching hell because I'm a dude And I mean like I don't have that nurturing. But that's something I'm learning And when we learn and we bouncing off each other and I have a great circle around me. But women are born nurturers And once you, a woman, tried to not be that and want to catch happy out every weekend or every day, you know what I mean While you married. You know what I mean. Your house is first. You signed up for that. You know what I mean And so if you're not ready for that, you just want this biggest grab again wedding, that wedding on the last hour. Marriage is a lifetime.

Speaker 4: 29:15

You give the ass for the week. OK, that part.

Speaker 1: 29:20

Well, i want to thank you, cano, for being a guest on Powerful the podcast. I think it was a great, thought provoking conversation, a very powerful conversation. We really touched on a lot of key topics today, and that's the end of our episode for today.

Speaker 2: 29:38

OK, thanks a lot. I thank y'all for having me. I really enjoyed it.