#67: Urban Homeschooling: Embracing Family, Flexibility and Community Resources

Homeschooling isn't just a pastoral dream; it thrives amidst the urban jungle of Hartford, Connecticut, too. Chai joins me, Cheryl, to weave her tale of teaching her kids outside the conventional classroom. Together, we debunk the myth that you need a backyard chicken coop to successfully educate your children at home, and instead, we champion the power of intentionality and the treasure troves of community resources like libraries and museums.

We often hear about the rigidity of school bells and schedules, but what if learning could dance to the rhythm of a child's innate curiosity? Our conversation illuminates the homeschooling landscape where play and spontaneity are as integral to learning as literacy and math. We're not shying away from traditional schools either; we discuss the strategic chess move that is transitioning back to formal education when it best suits a child's journey, proving that education is not a one-way street.

Navigating the homeschooling waters can be tricky, but I'm throwing you a lifeline in our latest episode. Whether you're a seasoned homeschooler or just considering the plunge, join us for an honest look at the flexibility, challenges, and profound rewards that come with taking the helm of your child's education.

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:06

Welcome to this week's episode of the Homeschool How-To. I'm Cheryl and I invite you to join me on my quest to find out why are people homeschooling, how do you do it, how does it differ from region to region, and should I homeschool my kids? Stick with me as I interview homeschooling families across the country to unfold the answers to each of these questions week by week. Welcome With us. Today we have Chai. How are you? Thank you so much for being here.

Speaker 2: 0:38

I am doing well. I'm excited to be here. Thank you for having me.

Speaker 1: 0:42

What state are you in? I know you're on the East Coast.

Speaker 2: 0:45

I am. I'm in Connecticut.

Speaker 1: 0:47

Oh, nice. Okay, I'm in upstate New York, so not too far. So I asked you to come on to the podcast today because I have received feedback from listeners or people that follow on Instagram saying homeschooling sure, that's great for the people that live in the country or the people that even live in the suburbs, but it's not possible in urban areas and it's you know. And it's interesting because a couple weeks ago I had Manisha on who. She doesn't have kids, she doesn't have kids, she doesn't homeschool. But she was a substitute teacher in the school system and realized that you know that there are so many things lacking. So what she actually did was took her efforts into and actually she saw that in the Bronx in New.

Speaker 1: 1:38

York City. There was a huge homeschooling like explosion down there. So that's kind of what she went into is how can we work with this in the more urban areas and in the cities? So she had a lot of helpful tips. And then I had Dahlia on a couple of weeks ago. She is the president of Chickenlandia, so she is our chicken expert and her big push was like getting chickens to people that live in cities and you know kind of like how you can do that, how you could work with your. You know the people in your building to all have like a one sort of central location and you all take turns taking care of the chickens and you know benefiting from the eggs and that stuff. So I asked you to come on today to kind of give me your perspective and how homeschooling works for you and your family, because you're in more of an urban area, correct?

Speaker 2: 2:29

Yes, yes. So when I first started homeschooling, we actually lived in the heart of Hartford. We lived on the north side, which is a very urban area. I'm talking, like you know. We heard a lot outside of our door and outside of our windows. It was not a very pleasant or pretty place.

Speaker 2: 2:52

As far as you know, when you think of homeschooling, you do think of someone living out in the country or having a farm and lots of land Our neighbors. I mean, we could hear each other. If someone shouted, you could hear it, but I still knew that I would prefer to homeschool my kids and to send them out into the public school system, because that's just my take on it. I feel like my kids are my responsibility and I want to know that the person that is around them eight, nine hours a day although for me it's 24-7. But I wanted to know that the person that is spending the most amount of their awake hours was speaking kindly to them and having patience with them and loving on them and teaching them in a way that benefits them most, realizing that in the urban area there are classrooms that are overpopulated and understaffed and that funding is a big issue. With much respect to all parents who send their kids to school.

Speaker 2: 3:52

I just decided that was not for us, and my husband and I had many conversations about it before my daughter was even of school age. So what we then started to do was teaching her. You know, I would just teach her at home at her pace, because I started when she was, you know, two and a half, three years old with like the alphabet and things like that. So it was not very structured at the time, but I was intentional to do things like take her to the library, which you know you can get a library card for free. I was careful not only because I was in an urban area Right now we live in another part of Connecticut, but it's still urban, it's not the inner city but I was intentional with how I did homeschool, because money was a big factor for us and you know I didn't have the liberty at the time to be home all day with the kids. So I drove a school bus and I would go out and do a route. You know five in the morning I was already on the road and I'd be home by eight and then do some schooling with her and go back out in the afternoon.

Speaker 2: 5:02

But as far as getting her to socialize, it was whatever was free. So playgrounds, the libraries in the area, the science center, whatever that I could get from the library which you know. If no one knows, from the library you can get free passes to museums within Connecticut. So you just go check out a pass and you use it to take your kid for free to the museum. So she did get a lot of exposure to educational centers and things like that. That helped me to also keep her engaged. But then at the same time it didn't cost anything and I think that that's one of the biggest fears that in urban areas there are, you know, understanding that there are low-income families and there's a lot of poverty and people look at homeschooling and think you have to be very wealthy to be able to afford to lose an income, and that's not the case. You know, we just lived far beneath our means. That was a sacrifice that we chose to make and we've made it work.

Speaker 1: 6:01

Yeah, and how do you have? How many children do you have Now? I?

Speaker 2: 6:03

have three, three, yeah. And how do you have? How many children do you have? Now? I have three, three, yeah, so my daughter is seven. Yeah, so there's seven, five and three.

Speaker 1: 6:08

So when you went to drive the school bus, was your husband home to like you could kind of finagle your work schedule?

Speaker 2: 6:16

Yes, yes, so my husband is a minister, he's a pastor, so we've always been able to work our schedule so that if, at the time when I was driving the school bus, he would be home with the kids, and you know, while I was driving he'd do breakfast and whatnot, and then in the afternoon when I went out again, he would do their nap time and he would work in between those hours. Now we have changed things around because, you know, now, having three kids at the time that was just one kid it was a little easier for him to for us to work the schedule that way. Now I am home full time with the kids and he's actually the one that took on an additional job so that I could be home. We do have with his line of work because he's able to have his own schedule and and work his schedule in a way that he can also take on an additional job and still be home when he needs to be home, yeah and uh.

Speaker 1: 7:14

I mean there are so many. Especially right now. There's so many options for jobs because every place seems to be hiring. So it's like if you have a job that maybe you have to go in the office and that's not conducive to a homeschooling schedule, there might be a similar job out there with a different company, that is, a work from home or maybe a hybrid situation, like you said. I hadn't really thought about that, but how much closer are you to libraries and playgrounds that you can just hop in the car and go to or walk to? Because for me I am, I'm in upstate New York, but it's still 45 minutes to anything really. So yesterday we went to a playground and it's a 40 minute drive there and then a 40 minute drive home. So I mean there are a lot of benefits to kind of homeschooling in the urban areas and you have a lot more people around you.

Speaker 1: 8:11

So getting together for a play date, especially as the kids get older, where they're kind of making friends at the playground like, hey mom, I want to hang out with that person again. You know you are in closer proximity and not all the time, but it does make it easier than okay, well, let's get all the kids in the car and drive you to your friend's house. It's like, well, if I can just walk you two doors down, that's really nice. So how do your children like being homeschooled, do they? They must see kids get on the bus. I mean they you were a bus driver, so they know that that's a thing Do they feel like they're missing out on anything.

Speaker 2: 8:48

For the most part, they really enjoy homeschool because I have the way I see it. I think that kids learn so much through play and, although we do have our curriculum, we use the good and the beautiful. We do sit and do the work. I can also see when my kids need a break and they know already. You know, they'll just say, mom, can I take a break? And you know, granted, I don't let them abuse it. I can tell when it's like you just had one two minutes ago. But I also am very mindful that kids need playtime, so I'll let them. Okay, let's take a break, let's color, let's oh, you look like you're falling asleep let's do some jumping jacks, let's put out, you know, let's do a workout video. So there, I've had the conversation with them, especially my daughter, who is seven and she's she's a people person, she is a social butterfly and she loves to be around people and having friends who are in a different school setting. You know, she has asked me, you know how come I don't go to school like they go to school? And I've expressed to her you know well, this is what your day looks like, because when you're in something it's hard to you know, you don't really know the blessings or the benefit of what you have, unless you, you know, compare it to something else. So I've expressed to her. I said you know, you know, yeah, there are a lot more students and a lot more kids in a, you know, public school setting, for example. I said, but, and I sat her down. I said this is what your day looks like. You're up at this time, you know, we get ready for the day, we have breakfast, we do our Bible study, we get our day started and I'm like you're done with school by like 11 am. You have lunch, we do lunch together and then you go play with your brothers or you guys play outside when it's warm enough, and that's like that's your day. All your responsibilities are done. Now the day is yours to play.

Speaker 2: 10:42

And I said a lot of kids, unfortunately, you know, in the school system. You know they have to be at the bus stop at 6am, 6.30am, and you know they go to school. They have breakfast in school, they have lunch in school. I said by the time your little brother's taking his afternoon nap and you know he's drooling away in his room. They're still in school. And you know I said some kids aren't getting home in the winter until the sun goes down and I'm like, and by then you've gotten a bath and you're coloring and ready for bed and you know they're just getting into the home.

Speaker 2: 11:14

And it's not to diminish what happens in other families, but to help her. See, this is why daddy and mommy made the decision we made. We have also had the conversation that you know, in the future, are we going to homeschool all the way through high school or are we gonna, you know, talk about it again in middle school and again in high school? So she, she loves that and you know, and they tell me, like my son tells me, like you're the best teacher in the world. I'm like I'm the only teacher you've ever known. But, thank you, I'll take it.

Speaker 2: 11:42

But you know, I've been very clear with them also as to why we do homeschooling. You know I said, you know mommy and daddy really want to make sure that you guys get to thoroughly enjoy your childhood and that nothing comes in the way of you being, you know, just an innocent child that has, you know, is living childhood to the max. So they definitely see the blessing of it and they're enjoying it. I'm making sure that they're enjoying it, because, I mean, there's no time like right now for them. You know, they're going to grow up soon enough and they're going to have bills and taxes and and all these responsibilities, and I just think that childhood is so precious and it needs to be cherished and valued, and that's what we're trying to give them.

Speaker 1: 12:23

Yeah, and it's important to think, like you were saying we'll revisit the conversation for middle school and for high school at what's best for everybody at that time. I think people think if they go into homeschooling and then their child goes into traditional school that they have failed at homeschooling, and it's definitely not the case at all. It's just you're doing what is best for everybody at the time and you don't want that child to resent you for never allowing them, you know, and not to say, if it's very strong in your values that they don't go, then yeah, you have that conversation. But if you're okay with them going and they want to go, it's, it's not a failure, it's more life experience, you know, and whether they decide to come back after that and appreciate it even more.

Speaker 1: 13:14

You know. So, uh, I really a couple parents I've had on have talked about how, oh well, my daughter went into traditional school but my sons are still homeschooled. And, you know, I think that that's really cool and that you have to take that pressure off your shoulders, for, okay, this is the way that it has to be, for you know, the whole time, because a lot of parents don't even want to start it because they're like, oh, I want them to go to prom, you know, I want them to be able to have, uh, be on the football team or something. But it's like, well, if they're just in elementary school, just say, let's try it for kindergarten and then see how that goes. Or let's try it for elementary school and see how that goes.

Speaker 1: 13:54

And I, I've been so surprised at how many things we are still able to do, even though in New York we cannot participate in, like school sports, uh, because of um. You know, if you're not enrolled you can't so, but there are still so many things. Like, for instance, my son did wrestling and it was with the school, but because it was at a third party location, he was able to just join in with that Um mountain biking group, swim lessons. Baseball is a community thing. That's not at the at the elementary level.

Speaker 1: 14:31

That's just a community thing, not a school thing. Um, soccer, there's so many things you know he could have done hockey or whatnot. So, yeah, there's a lot. I think, parents it's. It's when you're in it you start to see how many opportunities are actually out there. And what about, like co-ops in your area? Do you find that there are a lot of opportunity for that, whether you choose to do them or not, Just being in an urban area there are a lot of co-ops.

Speaker 2: 15:04

Interestingly enough, we actually had started a homeschool academy out of our church two and a half years ago and we did it for two years. But it was all kind of at the mercy, for lack of a better word, of how many people were willing to participate in it mercy, for lack of a better word, of how many people were willing to participate in it. When we learned that, you know, because it is it's not, I understand that it is not something that is very easy for every family. Some of the families came in and just attempted it and it was like you know, we're going to see how this goes. And then, you know, at the end of the year it was like this didn't work out for our family, it didn't work out for our work schedules, and you know they didn't return and that's fine.

Speaker 2: 15:50

And then, you know, we had some students that were going to move away and at the start of this year I was asked hey, are you going to continue? And I felt like I kind of had to weigh the pros and cons because I was actually the teacher. I was the teacher in the classroom with various families and teaching, you know, several students and I decided not to go back and try it again for another year, because it does take full commitment from everyone and if it's not working for everyone, I had to reach a decision where it was like, ok, I need to give my kids my undivided attention again.

Speaker 1: 16:23

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Speaker 1: 17:29

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Speaker 2: 18:45

So that's why I'm home now with the kids. But as far as co-ops not really in this area I know there's a lot of interest. That's the interesting part, you know, as I'm on social media and when I, you know, meet moms at the park or whatever, there's so much interest. But I know also that there is this fear, of which I felt it before we started. It was like, you know, it seems so overwhelming, it seems like so much and a lot of people like, oh God bless you, how do you do it? And I'm like, I'm just like hanging out with my kids, you know, like I sit them down, like I do when you want your kids to do something. It's like, hey, have a seat, please do this. I mean the same as with homeschooling. I sometimes I have to redirect them and I understand that is overwhelming.

Speaker 2: 19:26

But as far as like co-ops, it's like I feel like there are more, there's much more interest than there is a let's just leap, let's just give it a leap of faith and try.

Speaker 2: 19:37

But at the same time I understand the fear because, like I mentioned earlier, there is, you know, in this area it's, you know, families where both parents are working, it's two income homes or it's a single mom.

Speaker 2: 19:50

You know, I know a lot of single moms that are working one and two jobs and grandparents are helping to babysit the kids in between, you know, after school or before school. So there isn't a lot of, at least not I know, in other parts of Connecticut. I've met moms online where it's like, oh, you know, we're down in Greenwich, we have a whole team here, and it's like, yeah, but that's different. It's Connecticut, but it's so different from Hartford and New Britain and East Hartford, manchester. It's so different from over here, where there are a lot of working families and not many stay-at-home moms that are able to, or stay-at-home dads that are able to be with the kids for the hours that they need to be homeschooled and then watched after, because you can homeschool the kids and then you have to go to work, but then who's going to watch the kids because they're not in school. So it is figuring it out and I have not seen a lot of that in this area.

Speaker 1: 20:40

Yeah, so have you seen that kids are homeschooled but it's more just like juggling the schedule, that they don't have the free time to also get to a co-op. Or do you think that there are people that want to homeschool?

Speaker 2: 20:53

They disagree so much with the agenda of the public school system with the individual agendas of teachers and parents are, you know, very against it, but they kind of feel like they have no other choice. There are parents that even wish they would desire to even just afford private school, because you know it's almost like we still can't lose an income but at least the kids are in private school. Because you know it's almost like we still can't lose an income but at least the kids are in private school. But that's also not an option. So I have heard a lot of um desire for a difference, you know, to put their kids in a different type of setting. But then, you know, a lot of families do feel tied down by the needs, the financial needs, that they have.

Speaker 1: 21:42

Yeah, and that is another thing that people have reached out to me for saying like, well, we work and you know, uh, it, it, it's just not feasible. So I had reached out to people, to working moms. I think it was in the same post that I I had talked to you and saying, like I'm looking for people to cover these topics, who has this sort of expertise? And I did uh have um an interview with a woman a couple of days ago who worked out of the home. Um, she, she, she worked for the railroad, and so did her husband, and she had her mother watching her kids on the hours that she was working.

Speaker 1: 22:22

But the mother was not necessarily doing any sort of homeschooling with them. It was more just like because the kids were too young to be on their own. Then when she came home from her 12 hour shift, she would do schoolwork with them, get dinner on the table and then go to bed and, um, you know, kind of run that cycle. But working 12 hours you're only working three or four days a week, so if she didn't get to it on one of the days that she was working, she would just do a little bit more on the four days that she had off, and so that was kind of an interesting take as well, and how we can manipulate our schedules to work. Or she, her and her husband ended up working the same shifts, but if they were opposite, that probably would have been easier as well.

Speaker 1: 23:08

And I was kind of talking to her about people don't realize that they can utilize other homeschooling families, either another mom who is leaving her job to stay home but looking for extra money and maybe for you know if you had three kids that you wanted to go there for maybe a discounted rate they could watch your kids while they homeschool their kids, and whether they're part of the homeschool process for your kids or just a place where they were supervised you know that's always an option or even homeschooling kids that are teenagers, I know sometimes, like they're done with, they do their work more independently.

Speaker 1: 23:47

They're done with it earlier on in the day or they can do it in the evening or on weekends so they are available to watch kids, and whether it's a internship type thing or a paid deal, I know a lot of times the homeschoolers also take a gap year before they decide what they want to do. If college is the route or some sort of missionary trip or, you know, get right into working. So there are a lot of things out there. I think it's just getting kind of creative and reaching out to people in your community and seeing what is available and kind of just thinking outside the box.

Speaker 1: 24:23

I know I try to get like my in-laws watch the kids for four hours a week so I can record for the podcast and try to get some editing done. And I've tried to send my five-year-old with like schoolwork just simple math, the good and the beautiful math and oh my gosh it doesn't get done.

Speaker 2: 24:41

They're like he didn't want to listen and that was it.

Speaker 1: 24:44

And I'm like, yeah, that was, that was the extent. Yeah, okay, I'll have to ask you this too. Okay, I've had people say to me I mean, we've already kind of discussed it, but people say to me like, oh well, you're privileged, that's the only reason that you can homeschool. And, like you said earlier, we've made sacrifices, like I'm leaving a 16 year career with the government where I was supposed to get.

Speaker 2: 25:08

I mean.

Speaker 1: 25:09

I climbed the ladder through civil service exams and you know, interviewing and all that stuff. I'm, you know I'm leaving a good paycheck that and then a pension, that I thought. I was going to get in retirement and health insurance to make the sacrifice. And with that, in addition, I look at the poorest countries in the world and I think well, they don't send their kids to daycare while the moms go off to like the corporate world.

Speaker 2: 25:40

Right, right, no, it's. I think it's that that assumption that it's privilege. I can see where you know, where certain families, that could be the possibility, but as far as my family that is not the case. It's not privilege, it is sacrifice, like I mentioned, and it is thinking outside the box. Like you said, our experience has not been that it is privilege. We did have to think outside the box and, like I mentioned earlier, it's definitely been more about sacrifice than privilege.

Speaker 2: 26:18

I've always been just a little bit as far as like nails and hair and things like that. I do all of that at home and you know, in talking to I have friends that go like every week to get their nails done, pedicure, hair done every two weeks and things like that. I learned how to do all of that for myself very early on because I've just I have a very hard time spending money on myself. It's just, that's a personal thing. But even when we were talking about the sacrifices that we would make, you know I could be. I had a job where you know, when I went to leave my job, not for this but, uh, for my husband to finish his school, we were moving to Massachusetts Um, I went to leave this job and I was, uh, a receptionist and an administrative assistant for the HR team and and I was slowly like working my way up and I had established so many connections. And when I went to leave that job, you know my boss called me in and he's like hey, we're willing to offer you 15,000 more a year If you take. You know, we want a promotion, we want to give you this promotion. And I was like, you know, I knew what in our situation, I knew what I had to do. I had to follow my husband and be with him and I was like, no, I'm going to go, as great as that sounds. And you know he called me back into another meeting and he's like, okay, fine, you know we don't want you to leave or we're willing to offer you 25K on top. And you know, take, you know we're going to, you know the 401k and all of these things. But I knew, I always knew that God was kind of gearing me a different way and my husband and I had very different plans and I knew I wasn't going to be climbing that corporate ladder, even though I was there at the time and so many doors opened at the time. So I do know what it could be for us financially, but at the same time I just wouldn't trade it.

Speaker 2: 28:17

So privilege is not the case here. Like I said, you know, I've got my nails done gel, and I did it here last night. I have the little UV light from Amazon. I do my nails, I do my hair at home, my eyebrows, everything. You know. I've got the little lash kits when we're going to have an event and I glue them on myself. These are things that if I were working, you know, if I were to look at it like no, I need to keep my job to do these things for myself because I'm used to this, then, yeah, that would be, I guess, a different privilege.

Speaker 2: 28:49

But I think sometimes people look at my family and we do look pretty well put together and it's like, no, listen, there's such thing as Facebook marketplace, there's thrift shops, there's. You know, if you are willing to, like you said earlier, think outside the box and to me, like I do, look at it almost like one great big box as far as like what we're taught in school, like it has to be this way. You know, you come here and you learn how to sit still for eight hours a day and then you go to work and you sit still for eight hours a day and you, you know it's all one great big box and one day you have to look at it and be like I'm going to get outside of this big box and do things differently and guess what? There's a whole world out there and it's possible, but you do have to get creative with it. So no, it's not privileged Like I, just I'm watching.

Speaker 2: 29:44

My husband just went to work for his afternoon route and he took my daughter. That's something that we also do for the kids to be able to socialize a bit and get out of the house. So he'll alternate with who he takes with him on the route, because now he's driving a school bus, so in the morning that's way too early to wake them up, but in the afternoons, you know, they're so excited like they're fighting over who can go with daddy. So it's definitely not privilege. I think it's sacrifice on both parts, and you know, for me it's being here and and being with the kids and and being a lot more hands on. And then my husband's sacrifice has been really big too, because you know he's, he's working and ministering and he's a pastor and he gives so much of himself for that, but then also taking on an additional job because he believes in this as much as I do, and he's willing to sacrifice for the family. And he's so exhausted, he's so tired, but it's a sacrifice. We make different sacrifices for the sake of the kids.

Speaker 1: 30:47

Yes, and when you think of like, for instance, when I was at the, and when you think of like, for instance, when I was at the park yesterday, the 40 minute away park, but but it was kind of cool because it was part of a play group actually. So not a co-op but a play group, and that's another option for people to look in as well. If you don't want to like do the organization of a co-op, are there play groups in the area that meet up like one day a week and this one likes to go to different places.

Speaker 1: 31:12

So if it's somewhere you know not too far, I'll go, and it was just like the first beautiful day in a long time and you know the northeast yesterday and I'm watching the kids and seeing like my 15 no, she's 18 months um, just do different things for the first time, like maybe a twisty slide, and like really falling in love with that and my son do have they had the zip line thing and it was like I was like, oh my gosh, I spent 16 years in a cubicle after, like you said, you spend all of school behind cement walls and walls and grooming you basically to think that being in a cubicle is okay. And I'm like I would be missing this if something didn't hit me over the head and make me realize like there's more to life. And yes, they dangle those carrots like pensions and raises and health insurance even though it's probably sick insurance Right.

Speaker 1: 32:15

And it's like for what? For the almighty dollar that doesn't have any gold backing it right now. The Federal Reserve determines what it's worth from day to day. We don't know that that money will be guaranteed when we are ready to retire, and it's like. It's like could you live your life and then, at 55 or 65 years old, go to retire? And if everything were wiped out at that point because, oh, the dollar crashed or oh, there was a bad investment made, your pension's no longer there, your 401k is gone, how would you feel about the last 30 years that you spent and what you sacrificed for that? That is no longer there.

Speaker 1: 32:59

At least we know our kids are here today and we're impacting their life every day.

Speaker 1: 33:03

And I mean, I feel bad even when I am working on editing for the podcast or whatnot, because it doesn't really bring in any money, but I also try to think of it as when my kids see me doing a hobby, like a passion, something creative, and you know I try to like let them in on what I can, because I grew up for so long, probably into my late 30s thinking like, what do you do with free time anyway?

Speaker 1: 33:30

Into my late thirties thinking like, what do you do with free time anyway? You know we're we're so regimented to to be like you have to be here at this hour for this many hours, and it doesn't matter if you're sitting there staring at a wall, that's where you have to be for that amount of time. And then you have to be to this practice, and then you have to be to sit here for dinner and go to bed, and everything is so structured with, um, you know different things all the way through, uh, till you're you graduate, graduate college even and then you're like, oh, I have to make the decision now what to do with my day, and you haven't even found the things that you're really passionate about, let alone know what kind of career you want to go into.

Speaker 2: 34:09

Right and I think you know, kind of like you mentioned earlier, it's a grooming and I honestly don't remember the quote, but I know that I read something a while ago that said, you know, kind of like schools, like the public school system, is not teaching our kids to think for themselves, it's just teaching them how to follow orders. And I have an issue with that. I have a big issue with that, because there's always and I don't mean to sound like, but there's always going to be people that, through like nepotism or however it may be, are going to be on top no matter what. And then there's going to be the people that were taught how to be submissive and just like okay, where do I go, what do I do? What do I say? I did it, you know, and it's like I feel like we have so much more to give. You know, when I give my kids room to like, what do you guys want to do right now? And they want to play, and I'm listening in on their playing and their imagination and I'm like kids are capable of so much. Like when you hear kids play and you see them and even in like how they problem solve outside of.

Speaker 2: 35:14

This is a test. Take this test. This is a quiz. You have 20 minutes. No, send them outside and let them figure out. Hey, that swing broke. But I want to get up there. How can I? And seeing them, let's bring this over, problem solve and work together. It's just so like freeing, you know, because it's not a structured thing.

Speaker 1: 35:35

Are you trying to pick a curriculum but feel a little overwhelmed at the variety of options? Me too. I mean, how do you pick a curriculum when you don't know what each one has to offer? That's been my biggest problem. Well, I am here to help. I just launched a premium content series. That means it's $3 a month, which will just help cover the cost of running the podcast.

Speaker 1: 35:55

In my curriculum series, I interview homeschooling students and parents and curriculum creators about specific curriculum each week so that you can take the guesswork out of your curriculum choices. I'll be asking questions like what does the day-to-day look like with this curriculum? What does it cover from a bird's eye view? How long does one lesson take to complete? How many lessons does the curriculum contain and what does it cost? Did you have to order the book or could you download them and print them somewhere like your library?

Speaker 1: 36:22

Does this curriculum have a lot of games, writing or crafts, and did your child enjoy this curriculum? Can you do it with more than one child at a time? And if I did this curriculum with my child, would I need to add any sort of supplements to it? These are all questions that I've had while I search for the perfect curriculum to suit my son's personality and my expectations. Let's face it there is no one curriculum out there that will work best for every child and adult, so I invite you to join me in my search to find out what every curriculum has to offer, so that you can feel confident in your curriculum choices and enjoy your homeschooling journey that much more. Right where you find all of the Homeschool how To podcast episodes, you'll see my curriculum series and you can subscribe today.

Speaker 2: 37:07

Again. I have friends that are teachers and I'm so respectful of what they do. I'm so respectful of their intentions and their desire to shape young minds. But my issue is more with the system. It's like kids are not all the same. I don't deal with my daughter the same way I deal with my son, who's in kindergarten. I can tell him you know I need you to sit down and do that now because and tell my daughter like you look, like you need a break, because you know she's more emotional and she's. But at the same time, I can tell my daughter you know what? I know you've still got 20 minutes left in you. I know you can do it.

Speaker 2: 37:50

You're just trying to get out of it and look at my son and be like no, today you kind of you look done, you know, whereas it's not just a. You failed because you didn't. You know kids are so different and you have to be willing to work with them, and I understand that that is not possible in a classroom with one teacher and 30 students. You can't give kids the room to feel what they feel and get five more minutes here and okay, go ahead and put your head down. You look a little bit tired. So I just think you know, doing it at home and understanding my kids and having flexibility and adaptability works better for children. Having flexibility and adaptability works better for children because then I think when you give them space and you give them okay, I see that you're having a rough day or whatever it may be.

Speaker 2: 38:37

Or you know what? We stayed up. We got home pretty late last night. Let's have a slow morning. I love slow mornings and I love them because obviously they're beneficial to me.

Speaker 2: 38:48

But I cannot imagine having to have a rough night for whatever it may be, and then having to get my kids dressed and fed and out the door by 645 to wait for the bus and and then expect them to have a good day for eight hours at a school where they have to hold it all together because you know, if they break down they're going to get made fun of and they're going to get bullied for being the kid that cried in class to get made fun of and they're going to get bullied for being the kid that cried in class. So to me it's just like there's just so much. That is that was taken into account and yeah. So I'm sorry, I kind of just bulldozed there, but there's.

Speaker 2: 39:26

I'm just so passionate about it because I'm like you know, kids are so different and you need to let them figure out who they are. And I do think it takes patient and responsible adults with kind of, you know, a little bit more one-on-one attention to give them room and kind of gear them in that you know like, oh nope, you went too far here, you need to apologize, let's bring it back in over here, but you're still giving them room to feel what they feel and express themselves and learn from their mistakes, but then come back and be like okay, that was, that was a little bit of a rough day, but I learned from it. So, yeah, that's.

Speaker 1: 40:01

Those are all the things that we took into account with with the whole homeschooling and deciding to yeah, I think parents feel well, schools just know what they're doing because they're the professionals and working in government for 16 years.

Speaker 2: 40:24

I can tell you no, no government official knows what they're doing.

Speaker 1: 40:25

They might know a lot about a small part.

Speaker 2: 40:28

They don't know the whole thing.

Speaker 1: 40:29

I had a post at my one-year anniversary of this podcast. I had made a post on Instagram about all of the things that I had learned, and one of the slides in it rubbed people the wrong way, cause I said, you know, parents don't know what they're doing, like we none of us know what we're doing. You roll, you know by the seat of your whatever the term is and you make it up as you go, and you with the best of your knowledge, and if it doesn't work, you keep going.

Speaker 1: 40:59

But I said, and neither do teachers and a couple of people were like teachers know what they're doing and it's like, yes, teachers went to school to learn, maybe, how to teach or learn what to teach. Okay, right. So, yes, they might know how or what to teach, because that's what the government officials want them to teach, right? Is it the best way? Not for everybody, like you just said. And two, college, and in New York you need to have a two year master's degree to teach. So the six years of college does not prepare you for a classroom of 30 kids with all different temperaments and interests. So where Susie might be bored, but Johnny really likes math so he's excelling Susie's causing a problem. Someone in the back didn't get any sleep last night because, you know, his house maybe has a little bit of dysfunction and so he's tired and taking it out on today. Meanwhile, another child may not have had breakfast, another kid might be just like picking their nose and not understanding what the heck's going on.

Speaker 1: 42:09

So it's like no, there is no way that six years or 25 years is going to prepare you for every single situation in a classroom. And so, no, teachers don't know what they're doing and they go by the best of their knowledge at the information they're given and what they have at hand. And, like you mentioned in the beginning, they are under-resourced and the classes are overcrowded. So you can have the best teacher that could teach every student how to read, perfectly Right, but she's given a classroom of 30 plus kids in a lot of situations, not enough resources to work one-on-one with them, um, you know, and and she's got to deal with all of their temperaments too and the behaviors going on. It's just so impossible.

Speaker 1: 42:57

So at some point, yeah you do have to look at it and say how valuable is my child's time? Because if their time is valuable, why am I going to put them in that setting where they're? What are they going to get out of?

Speaker 2: 43:09

it Right. And I actually I had a conversation with conversation with one of the professors in my program I'll be starting a master's program in August and we met last night just to kind of discuss some things and she expressed to me that she actually just started homeschooling her son. I believe she said he's 13. And so she had some questions because I had mentioned, you know, in introducing myself, she wanted to know a little bit about me and I'm like, oh, I'm a homeschooling mom and this and that or whatever. And you know, she said something that to me was you know, she's a parent who's now pulling her son from school to homeschooling him. And she said, you know, she felt like her son was falling through the cracks and she could see him being lost in the classroom and being lost in the system. And she saw a little boy coming home like just broken daily because, you know, for hours on end he wasn't seen, he wasn't heard, his needs weren't met. And you know, that to her was like the final straw. And I haven't had, you know, I haven't had that experience because I, my kids, have been with me, but that just spoke to me and it impacted me because that could be the alternative for my kids, my middle child, knowing his personality he's very shy, but he's also very literal and he's gotten himself into trouble even here at home because, you know, sometimes it sounds like he's, you know, being a smart aleck. But then, you know, my husband and I talked recently and I said, listen, I think we need to take his, his words for like just what they are. I think he's he's not. I think I know he's very literal and sometimes, you know, it sounds like he's being sarcastic and I'm like imagine how he would be getting in trouble in a school setting where it could possibly be. You know he's talking back, he's a smart aleck, he's sarcastic and you know he's just like I'm just answering questions, like I'm. You know he's five, he's not.

Speaker 2: 45:08

But it's like hearing her experience and just imagining my kids in a setting where they could be lost, they could fall through the cracks, they could be forgotten, unseen, and then they come home and it's like, you know, do your homework and go to bed. And do your homework, have dinner, go to bed. It's like, no, I'd rather spend my day with them, learn them and just create a safe space for them. And you know it's not. I know that even in this area, like we were talking earlier, it's not something that I see happening a lot there half hours a day of homeschool. So it is something that you know.

Speaker 2: 45:56

If you have family around you, hey, I'm homeschooling from this time, but then I'm going to go to work, can you? You know, if you're not working, your grandparents are around, can you watch the kids. There are so many ways around it that it could work so that the kids are just constantly surrounded by people. They know people, they're comfortable with people who love them and are just creating a childhood that they don't need to recover from, a childhood that they, you know they reach in Asian, you know getting into, like in Connecticut, you can start through community colleges after homeschool. Like, if you graduate from homeschool, you go to community college, get your associates and then you can go up toward your bachelor's and whatnot.

Speaker 2: 46:38

But where you had so much time to figure out who you are to figure out, hey, I'm really good at this, I want to do this. Like right now, my daughter wants to be a pastor and a scientist. She's so sure of it and I know, you know, at seven years old, she's going to change her mind a few more times. That's you know kids don't make up their mind about long term things at this age, but you know it's just okay. Well, you like science, let's buy a bunch of science kits and let you like do that. So yeah, that's just my take. It's like it can be done. It doesn't take eight hours a day to homeschool.

Speaker 1: 47:11

I just don't create where they can have kind of the conveyor belt workers to get the jobs done for their industries, and they wanted them to be smart enough to do the task, but not smart enough to question could I be doing something else? Could we be doing it?

Speaker 2: 47:58

better it could be.

Speaker 1: 47:59

You know, what else can I do with my life? And yeah, that kind of breaks my heart too when I think about like wow, we were really, we were about to send them right through, and you know, that happened to me and I don't know, somehow I broke out of like seeing like this just is, this is a waste of life. So much time I feel was wasted. And it's hard because, um, you know, you don't want to feel like you're putting anyone down for making a different life choice.

Speaker 1: 48:26

However, if you saw things the way that you do, you would understand that it's out of compassion, not out of uh, of feeling like righteous or above Right, it's right, it's a, it's a preservation of the childhood, really.

Speaker 2: 48:42

Right, yes, and I've actually I've had people that have been offended with. You know, on my Instagram account I just share our homeschool, like our mornings. I'll share like a little picture of oh, we worked on this and we worked on this today and it's like almost as if I'm looking down at someone who's made a different choice for their family. I've made it very clear that it's like my choice for my children and my family has absolutely nothing to do with anybody else's decisions. If you choose to send your kids or if that's if, even if you don't want to, but that's the best choice for your family, okay, you know, it's just like I don't know I have such an issue with that Because it's like you know we're not judging. I think if maybe subconsciously, people have, you know, they're deflecting or they're like you know I feel like I can be doing something differently, then that's the easy out to kind of target homeschool moms and be like you think you're better than me. But that's not the case at all. It's like, listen, my only priority is my kids. I do not have to answer for anybody else's kids and, you know, if someone has questions, I'm more than willing to answer them. But yeah, that does get a little frustrating because I think even that, and then, on top of the, like you mentioned earlier, that assumption that it's privilege no, there's so many assumptions. And it's like listen, no, I've had to learn what programs are around here that can make it so that my kids can participate in things that we can't afford because I don't have an income anymore. I've had to get creative with field trips, like reach out to the fire department in downtown and say, hey, can I bring the kids by to see the trucks? And to the kids that's like they have the best day ever and I'm just like Thank you, lord, that that was free. You know sports and whatnot. There's so much that kids are that you can enroll your kids in. That doesn't cost anything or cost very little.

Speaker 2: 50:36

But it's not at all about privilege. It's not at all about thinking that we're better than anyone or looking down or acting more righteous. It's like, no, we just made decisions, made some sacrifices, did the work to look into different options and to think outside of the box, and we're moving forward with it, with your approval or not. And I think maybe our security in ourselves and in our decisions is also an issue that people may have. Like you know, how dare you be so sure of this choice and and even the fact that if our kids are succeeding, maybe that rubs people the wrong way too, because it's like you know I wish they would fail, you know, to shut her up.

Speaker 2: 51:13

And it's like I share what I share because I know that there are people that are on the fence. And if you know me being real about you know I've shared even rough days I had with the kids, like one day my son, you know, in his work on the Good and the Beautiful, he did smile sad faces and you know it instructed to do smiley faces and he made him sad because he didn't want to do work that day. So he expressed himself through his work. But you know I shared that because to me it's like listen, parents who send them to school and parents who homeschool we all have rough days and our kids lash out at us and sometimes kids don't want to go to public school, just like my kids don't want to go to the dinner table and do their work some days. So we're just all trying to do what's best for our families and I think that that needs to be understood.

Speaker 1: 51:56

Yeah, absolutely. There are many hard times, especially as you're adjusting to how are we going to make this work, because you know I feel I have to teach you things and because I was public schooled, I feel it has to be done this way and you know we're learning as the homeschool parents what is okay and what isn't. And to be confident in yourself, even if, like, if your kid's not ready to read at age five, let it go. Don't have the fight. Let it go to age six, seven, eight, nine, when they're ready, and don't feel insecure when other people judge you that your kid isn't reading at the level that all other kids are. Because, I mean, studies have shown that the later they learn, you know, the more they're actually find a love for reading later on. So, um, yeah, there is just so much information out there. It is like a beautiful way to live a childhood and live an adulthood. You know, watching these little flowers that we had bloom.

Speaker 2: 52:56

Right If it were all easy.

Speaker 1: 52:58

we wouldn't appreciate the good times Exactly.

Speaker 2: 53:02

Exactly, and at the end of the day, it's worth it.

Speaker 1: 53:04

Well, Chai, thank you so much for meeting with me today and having this chat.

Speaker 2: 53:08

Of course, thank you for having me. This has been fun, it has been.

Speaker 1: 53:12

Thank you so much. Enjoy the rest of your day, you too. Bye-bye. Thank you for tuning in to this week's episode of the Homeschool How-To. If you've enjoyed what you heard and you'd like to contribute to the show, please consider leaving a small tip using the link in my show's description. Or, if you'd rather, please use the link in the description to share this podcast with a friend or on your favorite homeschool group Facebook page. Any effort to help us keep the podcast going is greatly appreciated. Thank you for tuning in and for your love of the next generation.