Be A PRIORITY, Not An Option | Ep 30

FREEBIE: The Ultimate Dating App Guide to Attracting High-Quality Men

In this juicy episode, we'll uncover the SECRETS to becoming the #1 priority and not just another choice on his list. We'll navigate the stages of a relationship, from the early exploratory phase to the exclusive commitment, and tackle the challenges that arise along the way. We'll discuss the importance of healthy communication, understanding each other's priorities, and making space for both of your needs in the relationship. Because let's be real-You deserve to be someone's number one priority!

In this week’s episode:
»Becoming a Priority in Your Partner's Life
»Navigating Relationship Stages
»The Power of Healthy Communication
»Becoming Your Own Priority

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xx Christina

Transcript

Hello, everyone. Welcome back to becoming the one I'm so happy. You're here today. We are going to jump right into today's episode and is all about being a priority, not an option. In your man's life. And I feel like this topic resonates with a lot of people. 'cause I think it just kind of, you know, maybe trigger some parts of us. I've been hurt in the past. And. You know, it's something that we all want it to feel is like a priority and someone's life. And I can say from my experience that it hasn't always been that way for me, where I felt. Like I was not a priority in someone's life and I didn't feel like good, you know, in that relationship. And it just left me feeling really frustrated and hurt and just, yeah, like not good. Right? Like, am I just an option? Like what's going on here and I'm sure you can relate to that. Right? Like finding yourself, frustrated, pouring your heart into a relationship. And like, only to feel like. You are not a priority, like how you've been making them. And. One. 

And if you've been feeling that way, then you're in for a treat today. Because in this episode, we're going to break down. All of the secrets about how you can become number one priority. And not another choice on his list. So. 

There is a struggle here where we've all been there. You've been caught in this, like wanting to make him see your worth, wanting him to know that you are a special someone that he just cannot live without, but it feels like it's a puzzle. How do I, how do I get that? Maybe you like really like this person and you start asking yourself as you invest more and like, maybe he'll reciprocate and maybe you should just pull back and like cross your fingers. He'll step up. Like it's really confusing.
I want to just put an end to that confusion and to help you to feel like your priority and his life and not just an option. And so we have to start this by, you know, understanding that there are different stages in our relationships. So there are two stages I look at when it comes to this, there's the early stages of like talking and like discovering each other, you know? The quirks values, dreams, whatever, right. All that kind of stuff. And so it's really fun. It's like the honeymoon stage where you're like just first seeing someone and, you know, at this point, I would not say that you need to be chasing a priority status. You are not going to be on the priority lane just yet. And that is okay. And it's a good thing because there are steps that happen in a relationship and like how it unfolds and not necessarily that it's like 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, right. It's not like a list, but it's just, it's naturally how things unfold. Like it's, it's going to be more in steps like that. And so, and it's maybe like phases, phases is probably a better word. Right? So during this phase you know, we were just talking and it's essential. To understand that being an option is okay because you're just exploring each other. Right. And we're not like committing to somebody. Who has explicitly committed to us. And that's really important that you're not going to. Make somebody a priority, unless there's been an explicit conversation about this being exclusive like that, you guys have talked about this, right? Because if he's not making you a priority at this stage, And you haven't talked about it, then you also need to be exploring your other options. I think that's totally normal. Like, it's a good thing. And you want to fall into like the. I don't even know if people will make different words for it, but like one night I just, I guess, That's our only word. One night is trap, right? Where you just focus. You're putting your eggs all in one basket. And it's like just the beginning of things. And you don't even know if this person is the right person for you yet. Right. It hasn't even been enough time. And like, you don't want all of your energy. That one night is. You want to call it? It's like we're all of your emotional energy is orbiting around this single person. And it, I mean, that makes sense why you would feel. You know, not great. Like if you were doing that and he's not making you a priority. So we need to shift that to understanding that it's okay to not be a priority yet. That that's a good thing because you also are going to not be doing that. And you're going to be exploring your options. You know, having conversations with him, like learning. Because this first part of our relationship is really about. You know, you learning each other to learn if you're really actually compatible. It is deeper than feelings, right? It is. And I'll be, we'll get caught up in the feelings, but there's a lot of other things that we want to know about this person. Like. You know, maybe for you like financial stability is really important, you know, whatever that means to you. Like you need to find out maybe that information, or like maybe you are living in a certain place and you never want to move and you need to make sure that that's actually going to work right. Not compromising your values and what you want for them. At all, it's like, Hey, I just want to like, understand this so that you have both. You know, The feelings, but also the logistical parts of a relationship that are going to make it work. So knowing that that's what that stage really is. And that at this point, like it's really not about being a priority. It's just about getting to know each other. And allowing yourself to just like embrace your time, your independence, right. Engaging with other partners like potential partners. If. You know, that's what you want to do and it's okay if you don't want to explore their options, but like, you really have to understand them that. You cannot put all of your emotional energy into one person. And like, knowing that this is just an exploratory phase at the beginning. And I do think there's something about like broadening your, your perspectives potentials. Yeah. Like those words. Your your potentials. And you're encouraging, you know, both of you, but especially him. So like invest more. And like pique his interest in, in the whole thing. So I would say that's where the first stage. And so at this point, like we're not really going to be a priority. We're just getting to know each other. And that's okay. So that's the talking bays. And then let's just fast forward to like you get through that. Right. You're in this like relationship now you've had the conversation you're exclusive, you've navigated these early stages and now you're in this exclusive relationship. And you are still feeling like you're not a priority. Like you are wrestling with this feeling of not you know, being important. You know, you could even say you might feel. And you know, to like be realistic. Okay. Like everyone has it commitments. Everyone has other priorities in their life. And like it's important to also understand what your partner's priorities are. Right. What his priorities are like. That is going to be key because. You know, I think for a lot of women, I know at least from my experience Personally and like working with a lot of women is that like women will make this man a priority. And expect the same of him, but not really understand his order of priority is, and even their own priorities, right. They just like will automatically make this person a priority in their life. So. It's important to understand his. That is going to be essential to all of this. And You know, usually work that a lot of men typically say, like that rings really high. Right. And they're really immersing themselves in their career and their, their personal Are there professional journey and it's, that's great, like, right. It's a sign that he wants to be a provider to you, and that he had this ambition and like wants to do these things. And he probably has this desire. You know, if work is really important to create stability for his own life, potentially for his family success is really important.

So if you know what those priorities are. Right. And you're like, I mean, I think you can, you should really just ask, like, you want to guess, like you just ask him, like, what are your priorities, not something you could even ask in the early stages of dating, but just understanding that and like, you know, also observing it, like talking with him about it, you know, making sure that you know, in this scenario, let's say that like, work is the thing. You know, having a time where you guys have like a date night, right. At a time where you can feel like that priority being really present with each other, having a conversation around, like, let's make sure we put our phones on silent or off, or like, whatever it is so that you can feel that. Knowing to like what you want to feel rather than the physical. Things So, I mean, if he's saying like, work is a priority, like we're not going to ask him to not do work. I hate, like, that's not really, he's not have a good about that. Be like, oh, you spend too much time at work and, you know, criticizing him. Oh, what you can do is like, He, I want to have some like quality time together. And for you, maybe you're feeling like I want to feel like a priority and I want some more just quality time. So then you would do that. You would carve out this quality time and let him know that I want to have quality time with you. And making sure that just like, you know, he's able to focus on work when he's able to focus on it and like his commitment to that. And you're also getting what you need, and that's a huge piece of this is you getting what you need, but it doesn't always like the physical things changing. I want to say, like, Not changing a whole lot. I think sometimes, you know, if someone's like being a workaholic, there might need to be a conversation or don't, I'm just like, Hey, like I'd love to set like some boundaries around, like, we're a great, that's like a different conversation, but You know, so I think sometimes things can change a little bit. If it's like, You know too much, but again, that's where the, self-awareness the reflection. Maybe talking to someone like a professional about these kinds of things could help. But just knowing that like you can have that time where you can be like a priority and like, what does that really look like for you? So that's a huge thing here. And then another thing I'm like, if you're not feeling like a priority, is that. Maybe his friends and hobbies are the things that are actually taking center stage. I can definitely understand does a therapist cause I've seen it. You know, I've seen a lot of things, heard a lot of things experienced also in my own personal life that like this can spark a lot of emotions, you know, I guess. We're can be a little easier sometimes for us to be understanding about, but when it comes to you, the friends and the hobbies and all of that. We can, we can definitely feel a lot more emotional around those things. And did he spending more time with his friends then you, like, it's not something to get like incredibly worried about, especially, especially in the beginning of a relationship, because there is an adjusting period to this new dynamic, like we're all getting used to that when we get into a relationship, like things are going to adjust and. It doesn't mean that like, There should be going on forever that you should be feeling this way. Like it's not like some free pass and you know, but it's definitely a transition transitionary period. And so just being understanding of that. And you know, allowing room for both of you to recalibrate, to like, what is going on, you know, how do you like navigate Are there certain nights that you're going to see each other and just like actually having conversations about that. That's super important. I really want to note that here is that. You're having conversations together. They're like collaborative conversations about how to how to navigate the transitionary period. And just like life. Together. 'cause a lot of times what I see and again, experienced myself is that we had these like unsaid expectations about things. And then we get upset because the other person doesn't meet them. And that's not really fair. Obviously. So we want to have conversations about this and then as this transitionary period happens, you know, as he shifts into being your partner, as you're shifting into being head, like it it'll take, you know, time for those priorities to realign, but they should align at some point. And, but if it's turning into like months and months and the, the. The trend of this is not moving towards a greater investment in the relationship. It's definitely time for you to have some conversation around that. I do really encourage that. I'm a big believer in healthy communication with our partners and. That's a big one is, you know, obviously learning how to do that. But saying it it's important. We have to communicate. I mean, I've said this in many episodes, like every couple that has ever walked into my door says communication is a thing that's going on and it might be about. You know, money, it might be about time. It could be about anything, but it's all about communication. So learning that very early on and avoiding the trap where you get stuck in like, feeling scared to say things cause. You know, it's like, oh, I just want to like, avoid this. Conversation. Like I don't want to have, I don't want to sort of fight right. It's like, I get that. But how many times can you do that before it starts to build up? Right? Because if you didn't have this conversation about like being a priority Or just like, not even saying, like, I want to be a priority, but just saying like, Hey, like I'm noticing that. You know, There's not the investment hasn't grown in our relationship, you know, things like that. Then that's gonna build up with any of you. Like you're not gonna feel good. As those kinds of things build up. And then that leads to you. A breakdown of a relationship that leads to a breakdown of communication. That doesn't feel good. Okay. So that's never the way to go to stuff, things down. You have to have communication and you have to be courageous enough and brave enough to have these hard conversations, right. Have a heart to heart, to heart. And voice, you know, your expectations and what you would like and allow the space for the other person to say, Hey, this is also what I'm feeling and thinking. And like, You know, That's why I encourage it from an early part of the relationships to have these conversations. And from there, like you can really start to. Thrive more in that relationship and that partnership and how more of a shared vision. Because again, we're not communicating, we don't have that shared vision. Like we can't read each other's minds. And I definitely know something that women's struggle with a little more is like thinking that someone can read their mind. 

And I I've actually said before. I'm sure you have to like, God, I wish I could just read my mind. 

That'd be great, but they can't. So we have to say it. We have to say it, and I know that it can be hard, but like learning how to do that super important. Right. Okay. So let's say like, those are the things that are going on. You've dealt with them. But now I want to address the real elephant in the room, which is like, You just feeling that you are not a priority. And here's where more of the strategy is going to come in. Right. I've given you some building blocks and let's say like, those aren't working, but you're just, you're having this feeling and you're like, what's going on here? Okay. But like, rather than just, you know, come out in like some angry way and be like, I'm not a priority. You know, I can totally see this happening when I was younger and me doing something like this, I probably did where I was like, you know, yelling and saying like, I'm not a priority in some like heated arguments. There's a little bit more of a strategic approach I'm gonna offer here. Okay. I want you to just think about like, again, his priority is really go like step into his shoes. I see the world from his perspective. Okay. And. I want you to just think about the priorities. You only talks about like, what are his priority is and I want you to practice this empathy. Towards him. Okay. And I really want you to think about what are your expectations and what is going to bring you true happiness and this partnership and what you really need. I want you to challenge yourself. You know, too. To question, like, are you being unrealistic with these things? Okay. And like you're questioning, I would talk to someone about that. Whether it be like a trusted, like. You know, friend who's bad in a relationship maybe for a long time or a therapist or coach or just somebody to get like definitely a neutral perspective would be really helpful with this. But just to get clarity on that. And be realistic about what you actually need. Right. Like if you're asking for this man, If you're not feeling like a priority, but you're also wanting him to spend every single day with you. And he also has the priority of like his friends, his hobbies, his jobs, like just self care time alone. That is going to be, that's a tough sell, you know, and that's also not fair to be like, you have to give up everything for me. And that's why, again, these conversations are so important to have, but first getting just clear about your expectations and what's gonna bring you happiness. And feel like a priority. Because a big thing here is that a big thing here? Is that forcing his hand and like making him do certain things. It's just not going to work. We never want to force anything in a relationship like we can offer like our expectations and what we want and how we feel to someone else, but we can not force them to do anything. That's not a healthy relationship. We don't want to force anyone. We want them to be who they are. And if after we share that, And maybe we shared it many times and they're not changing. That's just something to consider. Right. Is that going to be, get you happiness if they're not able to give you what you need again, assuming that you've already done the work to make sure it's like reasonable and. And all of those kinds of things and like, but it feels good to you. we want his genuine desire to make you a priority. Again, we do not want to force anyone's hand. We don't want to make them do anything and you know, you have to let them want it. Them desire to them, crave it, their willingness to step up that commitments and do certain things. 
That is seriously just like the golden ticket to a healthy, flourishing relationship and like being someone's priority. Because again, forcing is not going to work. They have to want to do it. They have to be the ones to step up. So just communicating that. Okay. After you've After you've really gotten clear about what you need and also showing compassion to maybe his experience. And. My real bottom line with this whole thing. Okay. Is theirs their strategies here that I've given you? Right. Like go through this process and it's really about the fact that you do deserve to be cherished and valued.
The key beyond all the strategy and things that have already walked through. Is knowing that you deserve to be cherished and valued. You are not an option. You deserve to be someone's number one priority. And that doesn't mean that again, like he has to give him everything in his life for you to be in everyone priority, but like that you are a priority. And his life and he. And you have talked about, and that you've communicated with that looks like if it's not working. And that he's doing it, but you do deserve that. And it's time for yourself too, to check in with your standards. Like, you know, is this person someone that your best self would choose someone who really knew that they deserve to be cherished and loved and valued and be someone's priority. Like would that version of you choose this person? 
and getting so clear about your non-negotiables the actions that you really like to receive and communicating those and just really getting in tune with what your heart needs to feel that. And defining those needs, getting, just getting clear on them and that will guide you and knowing if this love this relationship, this partnership, if it is. In alignment with you and if it's going to work, right. Because if you've done all of these things, I really want you to consider that like, are you clear on your non-negotiables and are you giving up parts of yourself for this person? And they're not doing what you need and it's just leaving you in a place of frustration. So those are just things to consider, because again, I'm going to. You know, reiterate this and like every episode I ever can that you do deserve to be loved and valued and you know, really seen as someone who's important and amazing in this person's life. And you deserve that. So, I could go on and on forever, but I'll be glad I'm not going to get on my soap box in this episode, but just you are. Okay. So it was getting clear on that.
And before I wrap up this episode, I really want to see this. I want you to remember this. I want you to know this in your heart. That your journey to becoming his priority is also intertwined with your journey to becoming your own priority. So, what that means is that you also need to be your own priority. You can not just expect another person. So you make your priority in their life without any thought about how you are making yourself a priority. So asking yourself. Are you. Giving yourself time with yourself. Quality time. Are you you know, Being honest with yourself and your heart and your desires, right? Because. Every relationship we have is a reflection of what's going on within us.

When you embrace your self worth and you build your confidence and you make yourself a priority. That will be reflected back to you. Because at that point, you would know that. If this person wasn't making you a priority, then it's not the person for you. Right? Like you'd be standing in your truth in that. And so just knowing that this journey is also about you becoming your own priority. And I want you to hold that power in your heart. Like that is the most important thing. If you've got anything from this episode like that is ed, that you have to also put yourself first. You have to be your priority. So, thank you so much for tuning in today. To another episode of becoming the one. If you found this valuable. If you got something from it, please make sure to share tag me on Instagram. If you're listening and leave a review, if you love what you heard today. And again, thank you so much for being here. I love you guys, and I will talk to you in the next one.