AVOID This BIG Mistake When Manifesting Love | Ep 36

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The SECRETS to MANIFESTING LOVE

Katy is the founder of The Manifesting Mindset mentoring business and host of That Manifesting Podcast. Katy has a unique approach to manifesting as she learned early on in her own manifesting journey that it wasn't just about visualizing what you wanted, saying affirmations or trying to think positively. Katy’s taken everything she’s learned about successful manifesting and has developed the CREATE method that helps her clients manifest what felt impossible up to now. As a former struggling single parent turned successful entrepreneur, Katy’s on a mission to help other singles and solo parents to manifest the life they dream of.

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Transcript

Welcome back, everyone. So today we are doing a super fun episode. I'm doing a collab with Katie. Katie, say hi. Hello. Thank you for having me. Yes, I'm so happy that you're here. And this is, like I said, a collab podcast. So we're actually just going to be chatting together. This episode is going to be both on my podcast, Becoming the One, and on her podcast.

And we're just going to talk today all about manifesting love, which is such a juicy topic. It's one of my favorite things to talk about. And Katie, why don't you share a little bit about yourself? Yes. So I am a first and foremost, a single of 11 years. And so I've got lots of stories to share, but more importantly than that, I'm a manifesting mentor.

So I focus on helping. other single people and single parents to manifest the life that they really dream of and manifest anything that felt impossible up to now. Some of that includes love, some of it includes other things. So I get to hear lots and see a lot about what people are doing in their dating lives when they're trying to manifest love.

I love that. Manifesting is such a fun thing to dive into and learn about. And I know for myself, I actually learned about manifesting I want to say it was my early twenties. But I actually started manifesting before that without even realizing it. And actually before I even get into that, let me introduce myself.

Since this is going to be on your podcast as well. So I'm Kristi Kristina Abood. I go by Chrissy T. I have a podcast called becoming the one and I am a licensed clinical therapist and I also do dating and relationship coaching, which is super fun. It's absolutely my passion. I love talking about it and I love helping people find healthy love.

And so back to. Manifesting. So I actually started manifesting when I was in high school and I manifested a trip to Ireland, which was super cool and yeah, it taught me that anything was possible and everything was figureoutable and that I could make anything happen that I wanted in my life and it really set the tone for going forward.

And then my first introduction to like, Manifesting, I guess would be watching the secret. How did you start getting into manifesting? Yeah. So it was actually the same, the secret that was, that was where I first started, but I'm quite a naturally skeptical person. So I read the secret first of all, I can't remember if I read it or watch the movie first.

I did both anyway, because I was thinking This sounds like rubbish to me. You know, you've just got to imagine something and Then it appears and I just couldn't, I couldn't quite get on board with it, but, but at the core of me, I knew there was something to it. So yeah, so I kind of set out first of all, to dismantle the thought that this was a thing.

And gradually I started learning more and more about it. And obviously the secret is just so, so surface level, there's so much more to manifesting. Then a lot of things will have you believe. So that was where my journey began, really. That's so funny. I feel like it's such a common story that people either read the book or they watched the movie and it's actually, I think there's a second movie.

I'm pretty sure I watched it. I think that's Katie Holmes and it's also really good. What I do like about the, the movie and I recommend to anyone who hasn't seen it to watch it. It's a little bit like cheesy and kind of goofy, but it also is sort of inspiring and you're like, yeah, that makes a lot of sense.

And it has really good examples in it, which got me into it. So when it comes to love, what do you think is. Like the first, I don't know, step or like thing someone wants, needs to do to manifest love in their life. Yeah. So I think it's important to say, first of all, that when you want to manifest love, it's tough.

It's really tough because there's so much emotion attached to it. You know, this is finding love is often something people lay awake at night thinking about. They go to important family functions and they're alone. And, you know, you get grandma coming up to you and saying, when are you going to find your man?

And, you know, it's like. Go away, grandma. And I think that's why it's so hard for people because a lot of the success of manifesting comes down to removing that emotional attachment to what it is that you want to manifest. So I just wanted to put that out there, you know, we're going to be talking about things that you can do, but I also completely acknowledge that it's tough.

It is tough when it's something so emotional. So I have certain ways of teaching people how to manifest what they want. It's called the create method and it works for whatever it is that you want to manifest. So what I thought would be fun is just to go through a few of the pillars of the create method and, and explain really how they tie into manifesting love.

That sounds good to you. Yeah, let's do it. I also want to say, straight up, because people do say to me, okay, okay, you're this person for helping us manifest love, but why are you single? And actually, at the moment, I'm single through choice. And that's a very different journey that I've been on because years ago I was that person chasing that unavailable man and, you know, crying myself to sleep with a tub of Ben and Jerry's watching love actually for the 15th time.

And but now I live a full life and I'm actually quite happy being single and watching other people fall in love. So again, just wanted to put that out there.

I think that that's, that's great. Like everyone's on their own path. And I think this comes from a place of. People feeling like love is like a destination, like if I get there, I'll be happy, but that's part of, I'm sure what we're going to talk about within manifesting is like, if you can be happy now, you do not need a partner to feel happy.

Sure. Love is amazing. I want that for everyone. And if you want it, like I'm here for it and you and I are the ones to help you do that, but you can also choose to be happy and. You know, yeah, manifest. Are you the same? I tend to find just with me personally, I don't know if you're the same, but it's almost like you have to learn to co exist in the two worlds.

One way you're completely happy with being single and you're living your best life, but also you can still hold that space open for somebody to come in. And I think that's kind of where I exist, where I'm super happy. I live a great life. But at the same time, if that perfect guy came in, Then I'm happy with that too.

And it's sort of coexisting in both worlds at the same time. Whereas I think it can be easy to go into one camp or the other. Yes, absolutely. That's, I think actually the key to everything that we're talking about is like being in love with yourself. And I talk about that all the time. Like I feel like that no matter whether you're in a relationship or you're single, like that's still really important and loving your life and having a fulfilling journey just on your own and being love is going to help you to find love so much quicker.

Absolutely. I'm feeling all smushy and lovely. Okay. Let me talk to you about some of these pillars because this will give our audiences something that they can actually go and do because love is intangible. So I want to give people something tangible to go and do. Yes. One of the themes of create is clarity and it's an important part of the manifestation process.

And through clarity, you might think, I know what I want. I want to manifest love. But actually, having clarity before you really go into manifesting is so important because You need to know what you want, but on a really deep level. And also, more importantly than that, you need to know what's driving that goal.

So, as an example, I, a few years ago, decided, Okay, I'm going to manifest love. I'm very picky. My mum says I'm too picky. I think I just have high standards, you know. And I decided I'm going to manifest somebody. I'm going to manifest a man who I find attractive. And who I want to spend time with and I'm just going to look at him and just feel all the feels and that's exactly what I got.

Okay, I got the guy. I looked at him, fell in love immediately it was just awesome, amazing, like nothing I've ever experienced, and I thought, this is it, I've manifested, I've manifested the man that I've always wanted, and three weeks later, he ghosted me. He just disappeared off the face of the earth.

I, I don't know, maybe he fell down a well or over a bridge or something, but this guy just disappeared. And I thought, okay, great universe. Thanks for that. That's not what I manifested. And when I looked into it deeper, here's what I realized. I got exactly what I asked for. I asked for the guy that I'd fall in love with, that I'd be mad about, that I'd look at and think, wow.

What I didn't do was get clear enough on my intentions about what I wanted in return from him. And so I was basing all of this on this surface level stuff and I got exactly what I asked for, but I didn't, I didn't put into words. all of the other things that I needed in a relationship. And actually when I went into it even further, what I discovered was that my need to be with somebody was actually being driven from a fear of being alone.

And it was that fear of being alone, of being rejected, of being abandoned was what I was projecting out. And also then what I manifested back. So I manifested the situation with him to just disappear on me. So that's why, just a little story, why clarity is so important. It's not enough just to think, I want to meet someone, I want to fall in love and that's not enough because you can get that and it can be awful.

Yes. No, I have a very similar story, well, two actually where I manifested someone that yes, same. I was like, so over the moon about it. He was over the moon about it. And then like three months later we broke up and it was exactly like that. You know, your situation. And then my previous relationship that I talk about a lot on the podcast where I manifested this amazing love, like he and I felt similarly about each other.

But we were both. Still looking to fill voids and, and ended up ending because you can't fill someone else's void. And it is really important to be clear about what you want. And I have a really funny story about this. So actually my coach Douglas Peacock. And if anyone listening, go to my podcast, listen to his episode.

It's so good. And he, he and I were talking about manifesting and he was telling me his wife was like, yeah, I was trying to manifest you. And what I asked for was someone in shape. And he goes, he's like, and I told her I am a shape, he's not like super fit. So he was like, you got what you asked for. I am a shape.

Brilliant. I love that. I love it. You're right. You are a shape. And yeah, so like, it's true. Like, what does that mean? In shape, you got what you asked for. Exactly. In what shape? Exactly. It's so funny. It is. It's so true. And the thing is, if you ask most people, What do you want in a relationship? They'll say, Oh, I want somebody, you know, six foot two, dark hair, green eyes, must go to the gym, must like dogs and you think, okay, great.

But what do you want them to make you feel like? What do you want them to bring to you? And what do you want to feel about yourself when you're with them? And that's the clarity part of the manifesting. And it can be quite fun. It's like going to the Amazon of partners and selecting and filtering what you want and what are your deal breakers?

What, what is a no go for you? Because by doing that, when you start to identify that you're automatically starting to put barriers between you and the wrong people You know, I don't want to meet any more people that are going to live on ghost island. You know, I don't want, I don't want that anymore.

And thankfully, since that day, I've never had another ghost ever. And that's because I was very, I've been very clear in my, in my intentions through the clarity phase. So that is my first tip for people is get really clear, write it down, you know, describe your dream partner. in detail, not just the surface level stuff, but the underneath stuff.

What do they make you feel like? What do you do together as a couple? You know, what, what is this relationship? Describe the relationship, the feelings, not the person. And from there. The actual, the second part of the clarity to know what's driving the goal is to really start to look back and think what is your relationship with love?

What are all your experiences with love? And what, what do you feel about those things now? That can give you a really good indicator on where you're manifesting from because you're either going to be manifesting from success drivers or fear led drivers. And for me, I had a very difficult relationship with my father, he abandoned me, so when I looked back, my earliest experiences had shaped my feelings about love, which was, you've got to prove you're worthy.

And that became my life's mission. And it was only when I let that go that I could start to move on successfully in my dating life. Yeah. I love that you brought that up because you do need to look at where this is coming from. Like, why do you really want a partner and love in your life and going back through your experiences?

And I talk about attachment theory a lot in my work. And what attachment theory is referring to is the way you learned to connect emotionally and essentially love in your early childhood years, all the way back to when you're one or two, you learn from your caregivers how to connect. And that's really where it starts.

And so if you've learned that love is inconsistent, that you have to work for love, you have to earn it from your parents, that's likely showing up in your current relationship or your dating life. Yeah, you're so right. It's and it's, it's amazing how little known that fact is, you know, I could, I looked at the time I would look at it on the surface and think, I just want to meet somebody I don't want to be on my own.

I want to enjoy a lovely life with somebody and it all felt very positive, you know, like building a life together and yada, yada, yada. But it was only when I spent that time looking back, like I say that I just realized that it. It was all about little Katie trying to prove to her dad that she was worth loving.

And that was what was driving all of my actions. So yeah, that's why this clarity phase is, is often so overlooked. People just think surface level. I want to meet somebody. I want to be in a relationship and they think that's enough. But there's a lot more to it underneath that people need to do. I agree.

And you know, you can manifest from that place. Like, like you said, like you got that, I got that. And there are a lot of people even in marriages who have manifested this partner from that surface level place. My, I don't want to say argument, argument's not the right word, but for lack of a better word, I'm gonna use it.

My argument to that is that if you want healthy, sustainable love, you have to do the work on yourself and you have to go deeper. That's the difference. And that is why I, and I always talk about this. We're like, the divorce rate is so high and out of the, and it's at 50%, at least in the U S I don't know what it is worldwide, but yeah, same.

Yeah. Yeah. So 50% out of the 50%, only 30% of those marriages are actually happy and satisfied with their relationships. So you're looking at 20% of relationships, marriages, Are what we would determine as successful. And if that's the case, why would you not want to invest in yourself to make sure that. Even if you're, you know, don't believe in manifesting or whatever, like, why would you not invest in knowing what you want, being a little more I don't know, picky, I suppose with who you're bringing into your life and finding a really aligned partner so that your, this love is actually sustainable.

Yeah, absolutely. And I think this has rubbed people up the wrong way when I've said it before, but I'm going to say it again because I believe it oftentimes people chase a relationship as a distraction technique from working on themselves. And they go into full fix it mode with other people. And they're actually.

Subconsciously trying to fix something within themselves by fixing other people, but what they actually need to do is step away from everything and just be with themselves. And that kind of brings me on nicely to one of the other phases, which is Emerge. And for manifesting to be successful, you have to emerge now as the person you will be when you have what you want.

I mean. I don't look too bad today, but I'm a prime one to talk because Katie likes to lay on the sofa, eating junk food, watching Netflix, and just being a bit of a slob, I guess. But that's not going to bring me my dream partner because I would be horrified if my Mr. Future saw me looking like that and, you know, you've got to be the person now that you'll be when you have that person by your side.

So how does that person that's in a happy, beautiful relationship live their life? Do they get up every day and exercise? Do they, you know, do fun things with their partner? All of those things you can do right now. And there's a reason why so many blissfully happy people say, I wasn't even looking for a relationship.

I was living my best life and they came along. That's why, because they've emerged as the person now that they need to be to get what they want. Yes. I get the feeling our frameworks are very similar. I also talk about this to me. My podcast is called becoming the one and that's exactly it. You need to be the person that you are wanting to attract and how you would be in that relationship.

So if you want to be in love, like I said before, you need to be in love with yourself. You need to be doing the things that you would do when you're in that relationship and having a full and rich life and just enjoying it. And it doesn't mean that you don't take action. And that's probably one of your next steps, but you know, it doesn't mean that you don't take action or go on dates.

It's just like, That cannot be your sole focus in life, is finding that person and you not doing any work on yourself. Yeah. Do you find that people push against that with you when you work with them? I would say that people that I attract into my world are pretty ready and understand my message of becoming the one.

But I have encountered people who are resistant to that idea. And resistant to the idea that they are attracting everything into their life. Yeah. And it's quite a scary thought, isn't it? Yes. To actually think you've got to let all the distractions go. And like you said, like the name of your podcast, Becoming the One.

It's a scary, it's a scary thought because it is so easy to distract yourself, isn't it? With everything that you could distract yourself with. Yeah, it definitely is. I mean, that's, I, I know that life, you know, where you are just distracting yourself. A lot of times, you know, when we're trying to fill the void, we're distracting ourselves with people.

And then we get into situationships and that just fuels or just even having one night stands and things like that. And that fuels even more unloving feelings towards ourselves. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And it's interesting, isn't it? I watch a lot of you know, these like dating shows where they like put like 20 single people in and throw them together.

And it's always really interesting to me that the person that is deemed to be say the biggest player or the one that's the most closed off or the one that. Sleeps with everybody. They tend to be the ones that are dealing with the most inside and have the most that they have to try and work through.

And I always think that's quite interesting because, again, I guess it's the nature of the work that we do. You're probably the same way. You can see past it immediately. You see this person and you think, that is not you. That is not you. But it's hard. It's hard to let those distractions go, isn't it? It sure is because we convince ourselves that that's just who we are, or it's fine.

Like it's not a big deal. And we rationalize and we try to just think our way through it and convince ourselves of all the lies that we're telling ourselves, but inside we're not happy. Yeah. And that's true. Yeah. I think most people, I think most people really want love. I would say, like, the majority of people really do want love and a relationship, even if it's not right now, that is something that they want in their life.

Yes. And I would say, like, very, very, very few people, even men, women, doesn't matter, gender, it's, people want love. We want connection and we're wired for it. Absolutely. And I think it's... It's such an important thing not to, not to put less emphasis or importance on other types of love, you know, like I'm really close with my family and my sister in particular, we're like best buddies.

And that is up there on my level of importance when it comes to love and connection. Okay. It's a different type of love and connection, but it's still love and connection. I've got my little pet dog I absolutely love and adore her. I place so much value and importance on that love I feel for my little dog.

And again, it's. It's about removing that attachment to it has to be the romantic love, the sexual love, it has to only be that. That's the only way I can feel love because it's not. You can have it with your friends. You can even have it with your purpose in life. There's so many ways to feel it. But yeah, I think it's There's so much to manifesting that, you know, we could talk about this for hours and hours and hours and hours.

But I think when it comes to it, the most important things that I would want people to know is, you know, have that clarity. Because what you are sending out into the universe, it's like a mirror. Yes. But it's not a mirror of your conscious thinking. It's a mirror of what's going on subconsciously. You know, manifesting is not some magical spell.

It's basically bringing into reality what goes on up here and back here and that's it. So when you can fathom out what that is, then you can start to put the right things out to manifest them back into your life. Yes, absolutely. No, it's rooted in a lot of science. I mean, there's parts of our brain, particularly the particularly kind of rhymes with what I'm going to say.

The reticular activating system in our brain. Sounded like part of the word or something. That part of your brain is actually seeking for what you believe. So it's finding opportunities and ways to create what you think. It's there to support that. So there's a lot of science and research behind this.

And I love that you brought up about You can find love in other places. Love doesn't just exist romantically. You can be in love with yourself. I'm, I'm here for that. I love that. You can be, you know, have so much love for your pets, for your friends, for your, your career, whatever it is for travel, like anything that you're passionate about.

You can have love for that thing. And it's really a love for life. Yes. Yes, absolutely. And that's where I say that, you know, the amount of people that are in happy relationships, but it happened when they weren't looking. It happened when they were loving their life, when they were loving time with their friends, when, you know, I mean, I don't have, you know, a bucket loads of friends to do stuff with.

But I still love my life. I, I take myself out for dinner and I take myself to, to wherever I want to go. I, I'm not waiting for somebody else to, to do all those things with. So yeah, it's it's a lot. It's a lot. I think one of the, going to sort of what you were saying about the, was it the reticular?

Yeah. So that kind of links into one of the things that, that I teach my students, which is around the importance of the stories that you tell yourself and that you tell other people, because quite often I will talk to people and they say. I really want to manifest love. I, you know, I'm ready. I can do this.

I, I'm just ready to meet the person. I say, okay, tell me about your history with dating. And then come the stories and it's the no one ever sticks around. I always get ghosted. Relationships just don't work. I give so much and get so little. And that's where I have to stop them and say, that is what you're projecting out into the universe.

And you're just going to get more of that back. The surface level stuff that you're talking about is not what you're going to manifest. You're going to manifest the, I get, I always get ghosted.

Because those are your core stories and whatever your core stories are, are coming from your subconscious habit driven mind. And you're just going to put more of that out and get more of that back. Yeah, absolutely. That's exactly what will happen because those are strong feelings. So those are your true beliefs.

And you have A lot of hurt from the past. That's what's driving the truck or I don't know, drive, driving something. And that's what you're going to get in life is those things because hurt is really a strong emotion, right? Pain is a strong emotion. It's there. Those are your core beliefs. That's exactly what will show up in your life.

And you may get all the things you said, surface level, you know, maybe month, the height, the kind of hair, whatever it is their job, but. They're going to repeat the patterns that you are used to. It's basically just the same package with a different bow. Every single time. Yeah. I love that. That's so true.

Yeah. That is so true. It's interesting, isn't it? I, I spent so many years just getting the same package with a different bow. And sometimes I even went back and got the same package with the same bow. But it's a lesson, it's a lesson every single time. And Yeah, I think people should be more aware, you know, when someone asks you a question about something you want to manifest, pay attention to what just flies out of your mouth naturally without even thinking about it, because that's a really big indicator as to what's going on.

And I think It's also important to say it's okay to feel pain, but you decide the label that you put on something and you know, you can have people that have very similar experiences, but then choose to do something different with those experiences in how they show up in the world. So I think, again, you can't ever control what other people are doing.

You can't control what other people will do. But what you can control is how you label that and then how you internalize that as a story and then what you project out to manifest back. Yes, exactly. I guess you, everyone has pain, everyone's experience for the most part, you know, we've all been heartbroken at some point.

We've all had our experiences. We've all had our early childhood experiences that influence it. And you're exactly right. It's the meaning we assigned to it. And so if we assign the meaning to it of like, Everyone leaves, everyone hurts me. I'm going to be abandoned. Then that's the meaning you give to it.

Right. But if you assign the meaning of like this experience happened, you know, maybe you even need to work through some of that, you know, maybe provide some forgiveness, whatever it is. Right. And work on that, then it won't have so much power as a story in your mind. And it makes it a lot easier to start assigning new meaning to it because we've all experienced it.

It's just what you choose to do with it and what you make it mean. Absolutely. Absolutely. Right. And, you know, I think we're on a similar, similar path of, of one of the other big themes is the action. You know, that's another big theme of, of the create method is action. But not this is where the manifesting side comes in.

There's a difference between taking willpower driven action or inspired action. And willpower action is the thing of thinking, right, I want to meet someone, so I'm going to sign up to every single dating site there is. I'm going to ask every person I know to hook me up with somebody that's single that they know.

I'm going to this, and you sort of, it's almost out of desperation. What are all the actions I can take to make this happen? When it comes to manifesting love, Actually the, the, the greatest action is inspired action, and those are the actions that come to you randomly that might not even seem to be anything to do with love, but could set you on the path to meeting the person that you are meant to be with.

I had a, a, a client that I worked with and she said she wanted to manifest love, and, and she said, It's just not happening. And I said, well, where are you going? And what are you doing? Well, I don't go anywhere. I stay at home. Okay, great. So are you expecting Mr. Wright to just come and knock at your door?

Like, what are you expecting? So I said, tell me about some of the thoughts that you've been having. And she said, well, I did think about going to work at a coffee shop last week, but then I decided against it because I couldn't be bothered to put my makeup on. I was like, Hmm. Okay. Next time that thought comes up, I want you to go with it and I want you to go.

And she did. And she met somebody. She met somebody in line at the coffee shop. They started talking about the cakes and he asked her out by the time they'd got to the till to pay. Yeah. And he wasn't the person that she was, that she ended up with. I mean, it wasn't that perfect a story, but here's the difference.

She actually found someone to date and it set her on a path of feeling way more confident in herself that someone wanted to take her out. And so she went on that date and she felt even better about herself. She took more inspired actions like that and then she met her person. So. Her sitting on the sofa on a Tuesday afternoon, working, suddenly thinking, maybe I should go to the coffee shop and ignoring it was just putting off those, the manifestation chain of events.

So that's where inspired action, listen to those actions, providing you're keeping yourself safe and you're not doing anything ridiculously dangerous, go for it. You know, if it's something like, going for a walk. It might feel random, but it could just be the universe's way of helping you towards your journey and your path of meeting the person that you want to be with.

Yeah, absolutely. You can meet someone anywhere, your friends, maybe that party that you weren't sure if you wanted to go to at a coffee shop, any, I mean, literally anywhere. I like, I play kickball and volleyball and recreational teams and like, that's a great way to meet people. And it's not even like, Oh, you have to meet someone on the team.

You could meet a friend on the team. They could invite you to something and then you can meet someone there. Like, you have no idea. And not having expectations around those things, like just do them, just go have fun and let it unfold. Yes, it's, it's like, it's like walking down a corridor and behind every door is a possibility.

If you never walk down the corridor in the first place, none of those doors can open to you. If you walk down that corridor and you have every single key and you try every single door, then you're delaying the time it takes you to get to the right door. If you just walk down the corridor and let the doors open and see what's in there and keep moving forward, then you're more likely to get the right door and the right person.

That's, you know, how it works. I love that. That's such a good metaphor for how things unfold and just go down the corridor. Let it happen. Yeah. Yeah. Let's see what's there. Obviously don't go down a real corridor and see who opens their door to you. I don't advise that. Metaphorically. Metaphorically, everyone.

Do not go in random corridors. No, knocking on doors.

I love this idea around the action because I agree. I think there's a lot of people that think that they're just going to show up on their door like they're just on the door and like, hello, I'm your one and only your, your person. And then I think also people do that because they've given up. They've tried over and over again and things just are not working and they, they're just done.

They just feel fed up. What do you, what would you say to someone who says that to you? You mean fed up of waiting for the person? Yeah. They're just fed up with dating. So they're just giving up. I think if you have the feeling that you want to give up, then again, you have to look at why that is. Is it because you genuinely don't want to meet somebody anymore?

If that's the case, fine, don't date anymore. But again, it comes back to that clarity. Why are you having that thought? Is it because it's being driven from a fear based driver of, I'm not doing well at this? And that's what you have to understand, because People are putting too much emphasis on the actions of other people when they want to manifest something.

You know, dating is a two way street. The ego comes in every moment it can to try and keep you safe. And dating is a real prod for the ego. Because if somebody doesn't want to see you for a second date, It really doesn't mean that much, but your ego will make it seem like it's the worst thing in the world.

You know, if I could tell you, if you're struggling with keeping on dating, if I could tell you that 10 dates from now, You will meet the person. I guarantee that would change how you showed up for the next 10 dates because you'd be more excited. Just because you can't see that person 10 dates from now, it doesn't mean that they're not there.

They might be 50 dates away. They might be two dates away. They might be a thousand dates away. But the fact is. If you're putting the right things out into the universe, it has to come back to you. But you've got to get rid of all this baggage and all this expectation. You thinking, I'm done with dating.

It doesn't work. What are you putting out into the universe? I'm done with dating. It doesn't work. That's what you'll get tenfold of. So it's all, it's all up to you. You are in control of your manifesting. You are in control of your life. Just because you can't see something, it doesn't mean it's not on its way.

I'm so juicy. I love that. I totally agree. I love that you said that because when you feel that like hopelessness, it's usually coming from fear. And like, it's totally real to have like some burnout sometimes, like, you know, you've got a lot going on, take a break, but if you're feeling like, okay, I'm really ready to give up diving into why that is.

And then, you know, knowing that. It's going to happen that trust. And like you said, it could happen on the 10th date. It could happen on a thousandth date, but just knowing that it will happen and holding that throughout every single day, even when they're really bad, because I've been there and just knowing that, because if you knew that it was going to happen, you would keep going.

And part of the manifesting journey is holding that faith and that trust and that surrender to this journey of what's unfolding. And you have no idea when they're going to show up. And you also don't know who's meant to come into your life before that. You know, you could meet an amazing friend on a date.

I've made friends where like, yeah, we're not compatible romantically, but Great friends. Or maybe even someone who connects you to this awesome job or tells you about an awesome opportunity. Like, yeah. I had someone recently tell me about they were telling me about yacht week. They're going to yacht week in Croatia.

And I was like, that's so cool. You know? And I was like, Oh, I should go on something like that. You know, like you have no idea. and what information they could bring to you. Yeah. Yeah. And all of these dates all of these dates are like filtering, you know, like how you go onto Amazon and you filter down, that's what these dates are doing.

So you should be really excited because when you have another bad date, it's just for the, it's just. sorted out the manifestation filter a little bit further. You know how you go to Amazon and you could ask for a camera? If you just put camera in, you'll get, you know, gazillion cameras. Then you say, Oh, actually, no, I want a silver camera.

So then it filters away all of the other color cameras. Then you say, Oh, I want one that's got great exposure or whatever cameras do. I don't know. I'm not a camera connoisseur. But it gradually filters down. And that is what dating is. You go on a date and you think, Oh, they were late. I don't like lateness.

So that's another filter applied for the universe. I don't, okay. She doesn't want, or he doesn't want somebody that's, that's late. Then you go on another date and you think, Oh my God, they didn't even let me speak. Okay. That's another filter applied. So think of it like that. You know, you're in that Amazon store of partners.

You're going on dates and you're gradually filtering down to what you want. And you know, like Goldilocks and the three bears, eventually you'll get the one that's just right.

That's amazing. I love this. I love all your metaphors. They're so good. Thank you. That's so true. And, and what I will say about that is when you you're starting to filter. But you keep seeing something show up. So there's a pattern you're seeing that you keep attracting the same person over and over.

That's a sign to you to pause and look at that and go within yourself to see what's happening that's attracting this person over and over. Like maybe you're, maybe it's like being stuck in that filter on Amazon where you're just kind of stuck there. You've got to figure it out and understand what's going on within you so that you can move on to the next thing and let that go.

Absolutely. Yeah. Because if you don't. If you don't apply that filter, you're just going to get the same cameras again. You know, the, that example, it's just going to keep happening. You've got to actually apply the filter and, and recognize that this is not something that you want because otherwise it will just keep coming back in your results.

Yes, it definitely will. Is the inspired, the action part, was that the last step in the, you're manifesting? Yes. I mean, there's, there's other steps, but I think when it comes to dating, those are the key ones that I think people need to think about and focus on. So it's the clarity, it's emerging as the person now who you will be, it's listening and observing what the stories are that you're telling yourself, and then it's the inspired action.

Yes. Okay. I love those three steps. I agree. I think those are really the, the high level. Like this is, these are the main steps to manifesting love. And if you do these things, then that will happen. And there's no guarantee. Like some people meet their person in a week, some people meet their person in two years.

Like you just don't know. Absolutely. What do you feel like so much to do if they're feeling that desperation energy and that like wanting energy? A lot when it comes to dating, usually that is something that stems back to a previous driver that we were talking about in the clarity phase, feeling desperation for something.

is because you feel a void of something else. So if you're feeling like a desperation to meet someone to get more dates is because there's something lacking somewhere else. It's not just about meeting the person because you could go and meet somebody tomorrow. You could walk into any coffee shop, you could walk into any grocery store and you could walk up to somebody and ask them on a date.

That is not the issue. The issue is there's a void somewhere and that's what you're projecting out when you're trying to manifest love. So yeah, if you feel that way then you need to go back to that clarity phase and figure out what's making you feel like that. It's not the fact that you haven't met your person, I guarantee it.

Yes. Yes, I agree. Well, this has been such an amazing conversation. I, I love this. I love manifesting. It's It's so interesting and I, I really think if people do these three things, then they're going to be so much more in alignment with manifesting that love that they want. And I just love that you talked to just the clarity.

I think I would just want to highlight that, that that is such an important part of this journey. And it's one that's often overlooked and skipped. Yeah. And not realizing that like you could do all the other ones, but if you don't have that clear vision about who that person is and how they make you feel.

And also, I actually forgot to add this, that I have my clients when we're going through the clarity phase of what they want. It's not just about how they make you feel. I have them think about how they want to make the other person feel. Yes, absolutely. Yeah. How they want to be showing up in their relationships so that they can start doing that now with the people in their life.

Because you can practice this with the people in your life, like being present with people showing them love things like that. You can absolutely be doing that in your life outside of a romantic partner. Yeah, I think that's really important. And I would say, you know, to any of my followers, any of my listeners, you know, this is a great podcast.

Christine has got a great podcast. If you are going all in on manifesting love and you want to figure this all out, you know, my, my manifesting stuff, we look at everything that, you know, a broad spectrum But if you really want to get to the real nuts and bolts of love and everything, then Chris is your girl.

Yes, everybody. Come on over. Listen to becoming the one. Make sure you subscribe because there's so many good things coming out in the next couple of months. I'm so excited. Well, we're going to go ahead and wrap up this conversation. Look out for the part two of this collab episode. So you can find me at becoming Chrissy T on Instagram.

Like I said, a few times, my podcast is becoming the one and Katie, where can my followers find you at? Yep. So you can find me on all the social media platforms and it's at the manifesting mindset and my podcast is called that manifesting podcast.

So you on threads yet, Katie? I am. Yes. I haven't posted anything yet. I'm kind of, you know, like a kid in a new school, I sort of walked in there and I'm like, okay, new girl here. Don't quite know what to do, but I'm here. So yeah, if you're on threads, give me a shout. Yes. Same everyone. I just got on there.

I've been posting a few things. We're going to be ramping it up. Follow me over on threads and we will see you in the next episode. Yes. Thank you.