Manifesting a F*CK YES Life & EPIC Love Ft. Danielle Kettlewell | Ep 40

FREEBIE: The Ultimate Dating App Guide to Attracting High-Quality Men

Danielle Kettlewell (she/her) is an Olympian, Speaker, Coach, Author and Podcast Host. The Canadian born athlete took the leap of her life in 2014 to go after an impossible dream of competing on the Australian National Synchronised Swimming Team and qualify for the Olympics. In 2016 she achieved that dream competing at the Rio Olympic Games and subsequently Danielle spent 5 years on the team, competed at 3 World Championships and made history in 2019 as being part of Australia’s First Mixed Duet before retiring from sport. Danielle then published her book and set off on her next journey by moving to Bali & creating her online business to share her story and inspire others. Danielle works primarily with female identifying souls to help them reclaim their self worth, get clear on their purpose and create the mindset and plan to make it happen. Running online group coaching programs, hosting her podcast and working with 1:1 clients - Danielle works with souls all around the world igniting them to feel truly worthy and go after their dreams.

www.daniellekettlewell.com
@daniellekettlewell_

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Transcript

Welcome back everyone to becoming the one. I'm so happy because I'm here with Danielle and she is an Olympian, a speaker, a coach, an author, and she helps people manifest a fuck yes life, which is awesome. So Danielle say hi. Hello, everyone. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so happy you're here because we're gonna talk about my favorite cheesy topic all about manifesting love and relationships.

You guys know, I'm obsessed with talking about this. I've done so many manifesting masterclasses about this. And we are going to jump right in. And first, Daniel, I would love for you to share a little bit about yourself because you have such a cool story.  Yeah. Thank you, Christina. So I have pretty wild story.

That led me to, I say quantum leaping to the Olympic games. I wrote a book about it called the unlikely Olympian, which kind of encapsulates a bit of my journey because I was a girl growing up that never thought she would make anything of herself. I thought I was particularly average and I never thought in my wildest, wildest, wildest dreams.

It was a dream beyond a dream. Like. of impossibility that I would ever get to the Olympic Games. And through a crazy turn of events in my life, I had the opportunity to compete for Australia in the 2016 Olympic Games as a part of the Australian National Synchronized Swimming Team. And that led me to being on the team for five years.

And I retired in 2019. And one of the things that I, you know, I kind of made this vow with the universe when I was going after this wild leap. You know, I left a Basically left everything in my life behind here in Vancouver, Canada. And I moved to Perth, Australia, which is very far away. And I went all in on something that seemed so crazy and so many people judge me and so many people didn't think it was possible and I made it happen.

And, and I made this vow with the universe. I say that I said, if I am able to make this happen universe, if I'm able to manifest this. Then I'm going to spend the rest of my life sharing this story and also what I learned to help other people because it blew my own damn mind that I was able to do it.

And and I was, and you know, the beautiful thing in, in regards to this podcast as well is through moving to Australia and through being over there. I also met my fiance in 2018 and now we're getting married. In Australia this year in 2023 and you know, I, and sometimes me and him sit there and we think about like all the paths that we had to take for us to meet each other and how if I never had the guts to go after my crazy wild dream to go to the Olympics that I would have never moved to Australia and I would have never met him, you know, and so it's just the essence of all of this is like,  we have to, yeah.

be able to do the uncomfortable thing. And sometimes, yeah, sometimes manifesting is like visualizing and writing down lists, but sometimes it's leading the fuck in to the terrifying thing because that's going to help us get to the place that we're going to want to get to. Oh, that's so good. I totally agree.

It's being uncomfortable or being comfortable with being uncomfortable. Yeah. Necessary. Yeah. Yeah. And just like building that muscle up because I feel like it's, you're never comfortable.  In being uncomfortable, like it's always uncomfortable, but you just get, you almost like make it more of a habit. Like I think about it, like going to the gym, like I love it when I've worked out, but like so often I don't want to go do it, but I do it because I know it makes me feel better.

And so that's kind of like the same thing with, you know, being uncomfortable and leaning into fear and all these things. It's like, I still feel so much unease within myself. And like, you know, like depending on the level of the thing, whether it be like physical, the cool fear or like all the anxieties that come up of what it like what if could happen, but I know that if it's aligned with my heart and my soul, then I need to lean into that discomfort because it's going to lead me to where I want to be.

Yeah, I totally agree. It's never going to be like crazy comfortable, but getting more comfortable leaning into it.  So tell me about, I know, it feels like we have sort of a similar story actually of like staying in a relationship that was not aligned before you met your partner. So tell us about that. 

This is so fun. I never usually talk about this just because  for a long time I didn't talk about it out of respect to my partner. And I think I was still doing like healing around it too because you know when, and you probably get it if you've been through something like that. The further away that you get from the situation, the less triggered you get by it as well.

And I've done a lot of work around and I think that I had a little bit more resentment, like right after we broke up, as anyone does. And now I feel so neutral because I'm in this place where I realized that if I didn't go through that relationship with my ex, then I wouldn't have met Luca, who's my fiance now.

So one of the things that I don't always speak about in my journey to the Olympic games is when I actually. I kind of got the opportunity and decided that I was going to move to Australia at just about the exact same time. I met my partner at the time and I was living in Vancouver, Canada, and I have a thing for Australians. 

Both my Luka and my ex were both Australian. And so he's Australian living in Canada and we met.  And I said to him at the time, I was like, look, I'm doing this thing and this is really important to me. And that's a priority basically over you. And he was, he is a good human. He's a very good human. And he decided to follow me back to Australia.

And, and you know, he is obviously from there. And he used to live in Perth for a while. And he decided to, you know, A few months after I moved there, he followed me. But one of the things that I knew the entire time is that it wasn't right. But I was in a place at the time where, you know, there's kind of like two parts to my story.

It's like, yes, I had all of this like gusto and like power going after this Olympic dream. But I still, in very many ways, like I struggle with my self love and my self belief. And it felt, as I can imagine, any woman knows here, any person knows here, it felt really good to be loved.  Cause he was my first real boyfriend, my first real partnership.

And I kind of faltered into that. And I prioritize that over my deep intuition, which the entire time was like, Danielle, he's not your person. He's not your person. He's not your person. Because  I liked being loved by someone to be quite honest. And I think we, and I, I tried to break up with him many, many times, but I didn't have the courage because I'm a very empathic person and he really loved me.

And I knew that if I broke up with him, I was going to break his heart.  And that's that fear like around breaking his heart kept me in the relationship for four and a half years, which I knew wasn't right. And I tried to leave many times and I got myself into a really sticky situation as well. And again, He never, he was never abusive, nothing like that.

We just really, we would argue a lot. Like we weren't,  and I'm not, I'm not a combative person. Like I'm very calm. And we would have huge arguments all of the time. End up in tears. And you know, again, red flag. Good relationships, the right relationships, you shouldn't have those screaming arguments all the time, like that is not what a good relationship is meant to be.

And I especially realized that after meeting my fiance now and I, I stayed with him and I got myself in a sticky situation where I was living in Australia. I was going after my Olympic dream. But one of the things about.  And we weren't actually paid athletes. And so I also had to work as well as trade and we trained a lot and I didn't have enough funds to completely support myself.

So he was supporting me, the beautiful person he is he was supporting me in that.  If I had more autonomy and financial capacity, I would have left earlier, but I literally couldn't leave. Like I didn't have anywhere to go. I didn't have family. I didn't have a car. Like I couldn't even have slept in my car.

I like couldn't have slept on my friend's couches because they are all kind of like struggling athletes as well. And we're all just making like.

Looking back is, I would travel a lot with the team. And so I would go away for a competition or a training camp for two weeks and then come back. And it led to this, like, false sense of, like, a honeymoon period. Because we would be away from each other so often. And so we'd, like, miss each other. And then I'd come back and then be like, oh, it's like, you know, welcome back sex and all the things.

Mom, don't listen  to all this. And like, and so it was like the first few days we miss each other. And, but it was really like a toxic love. And I speak about this with some of my clients now, it's like, you know, when it's a toxic love where it's like, you're sad when you're with them, but you also don't want to be with them.

Like, and it's just, it's not a good space. And so I think that me having to leave and come back a lot, it was kind of like a bandaid on the situation. As well, realizing that  I only realizing afterwards that I thought he could love me for me, but only I could love me for me and not actually having the freedom or the courage in that regards to actually leave the relationship.

So that led me to staying in that place for almost five years.  How did you know that he wasn't the one? Like what about the situation or him or, or whatever it was? Like, what was that thing that was telling you? This wasn't quite right.  My like intuition was like on fire inside of me. Like it was trying to tell me all of the time I wasn't.

This is like, I was explaining this to my girlfriend the other day when I was with him, it felt like it was always a cloudy day  and I wanted it to feel like with my person, like it was always a sunny, beautiful day in the middle of summer and like, you know, those mornings where you wake up from those evenings with the sun setting and everything feels perfect, like, and that's what it does feel like with my partner now.

And it felt like a cloudy day every day with him. And my intuition was on, on fire. And then also like when we communicated, it was like, we were just on different wavelengths. Like I was speaking something and he wouldn't get me and I wouldn't get him. And and ultimately as well, some of our real core values misaligned, you know but some of them also connected.

So that was kind of the challenge for me because it's like, we did have some values that were really aligned, but then ultimately.  There were some that were just completely misaligned. Like I, I was an athlete, right? So I was very healthy and he wasn't you know, he would drink a lot. It's kind of like Aussie culture to, to drink a lot.

And that didn't really, like, I just didn't like that. I didn't, I didn't want to live. I didn't want to be in a partnership with someone who didn't value a healthy life. And so that, plus my intuition, plus.  You know there was a point too when I retired I was thinking about retiring and I said, you know, I wanted to do what I'm doing now.

I was like, I want to speak and I want to be on stages and I want to do podcasts and help people. And he said, no, no, you need to get a job. Like you need, you need to go get a job, like stop. Like you need to like be responsible now. And I was like, don't you tell me what I need to do. You know, but then it was like in a relationship where he's like, I supported you for so long.

Like, how could you do it? So there was just so much. It was like, and, and I said this, realize meeting my partner and now being with him for five years, realizing that like  the right person, it shouldn't be that hard.  Like there's going to be hard times, like, because, you know, it's not every day, like there's going to be times where things are mundane.

There's going to be times where you're like literally just doing life. Right. And then there's going to be times where it's wild sex and it's amazing and it's like butterflies and rainbows, but it shouldn't be constantly hard. Like, if you're always arguing and you're always fighting and it just seems like you're never clicking, that's not the right person. 

I completely agree. I talk about this so much and actually I should probably do a podcast on this soon around how like love is actually not meant to be hard. And we get this message from movies and I don't even know, like, I think it just comes from like people just actually being in wrong relationships.

And that just being like something that our society and our really our world has experienced and now we're like love is so hard it's relationships are difficult and like yes, like you said, you're gonna have times where it's feels hard because of course like it's life you know you're going through it with.

Essentially another person. You're not the same. You're going to get into stuff, but it shouldn't feel like you're walking up a mountain and there's like hail and you have like a 50 pound backpack on and like there's a bear 30 feet away. Like it shouldn't feel like that all the time or really ever in my opinion.

Yeah, I completely agree. And I see that with some,  like, I think people try and fight.  I think a lot of people fight for the wrong relationships. I was fighting for the wrong relationship for like five years, you know. And it's all worked out the way that it's meant to. And I'm, I'm, I'm incredibly grateful to my ex.

And one of the reasons that was so hard for me to leave too, is he literally went to the Olympic Games, like, and cheered me on. Like, he went with my family. Like, he was so ingrained in my life. Like, we weren't married, we didn't have kids.  But we, you know, we live together on the other side of the world. We were so intertwined and he, I felt guilty leaving him.

But then I realized, I was like, I can't prioritize him in my life. You know, I can't, I can't stay with him because I want to make him happy. Because if I'm fucking miserable, that's not a relationship that he deserves either. Because he deserves, because even still, like, I love him enough that I want him to be so deeply loved.

You know, and, and I think that there's a difference between your, like your soulmate and the person that is, you know, you're meant to be with, which is, which is my fiance now, but you can still love, you still do love so deeply your other partners. Right. And, and, you know, I still, we, we have a relatively good relationship.

We messaged once in a while now, and he's with his partner now, and like, it's all worked out so beautifully. But I think we have to remember that because too many people fight for something that's never going to work.  Yeah, I agree. So let's talk about how you met your fiance and how you manifested him.

Yes. You know, it's so funny. So when I decided to break up with my ex and I finally had the courage to do it I wrote him a letter because I was like, this is the only way I can get it out or else I'm going to be like, not going to be able to verbalize it.  And then we went through that whole process and I felt like a weight was lifted off and I felt like life was exciting again, which is.

Which is what it should feel like. I remember I actually came back to Vancouver to visit my family, to kind of like heal a little bit and, and you know, to move through everything. And I remember saying at the time, I was like, I just need to find an Australian that loves Canada and wants to come back to Canada.

Like little did I know that that was like the, for me, like manifesting. I like, I didn't mean it like intentionally. It was kind of like a joke in passing, but. I've had so many moments the past few years. I'm like, Oh my gosh, I did that. And so one of the first, like the main thing for me when I broke up with my ex is I realized I had to figure out who I was without him.

Because I think sometimes when we're in relationships and then also like toxic love relationships, we forget who we are because it's so hard for so long that we forget.  as an individual and who we are in happiness because we have been in unhappiness for a long time. So I had to figure out who I was, what I wanted.

And I really realized that I actually had to love myself. I had this moment when I was going for a run one day and it kind of just like hit me in the face, like a realization of why I stayed with my partner for so long. And I realized that I was.  And me for me  and I needed to love me for me and no matter how much he loved me and he did, it wasn't going to be enough to fill the cup of love that I needed to give myself.

And that just like healed me over because it was like a smack in the face. And that's why I stayed for so long, you know, because I thought that it would. Make it just like just with anything, right? We think that if we get enough compliments, it'll make us feel better about ourself. Or maybe if we get like the perfect body image that we've been dreaming of, or you know, even with the, even if you're with your fuck yes person, like you still need to love you because it's not their job.

You know, one of the things like I speak about even with Luca is like, he doesn't, he doesn't, he's not the other half to me. He doesn't fill me up. Like I fill me up and he adds to my, to me, to my life. And so I had to go on this journey of really deciding. That I was going to love myself and I was in this place and  it's so funny when you say like the journey of how I manifested him because I accidentally manifested him.

I wasn't doing what I do now. And you know, my own manifestation process. I wasn't like sitting down and like journaling about it and visualizing it. I was actually just Like loving myself and loving my life. And I see this happen with my clients all the time where it's like, you know, when we're so focused on manifesting the certain thing that we like a white knuckle it, and we're like, I need you to come like yesterday.

And it's never going to come because you're in such like a desperate, like intense energy. I was literally in a place where it's like, I knew that's what I wanted, but I was. In the, and this is vibrationally, I was in a vibration  of self love and I was in a vibration of joy for life because I was at a point where, when I met him where I was like, I didn't need him.

Right. And I see, see, this happened was, it is so hard to, if you're at certain points in your life and you want to. Find your partner. But sometimes we can get into the space where we're like, I need to find my person. I need to find my person. I need to find my person. But that's a desperation energy. And because I had like no expectation.

But then I was also taking action. Like I started dating, like I was going on Bumble and dating because I wanted to practice what it was like to be with somebody that wasn't my partner. And so I was doing it really. Out of an energy of fun and releasing expectation. And through that, it wasn't through Bumble that I met my met Luca, but I happened to meet Luca at the time that I was dating, dating for fun with no expectation.

And I think that it like I've the past few years, I've been really like reverse engineering. It's like, how, how did I do that  as well? Because it wasn't that. It wasn't super intentional. It was like almost accidental, but it makes so much sense because if you listen and you, we, you know, and I have no doubt your listeners know, it's like the principles of manifestation.

It's like, you have to be the vibration of the desired reality. And you also, I was in so much gratitude for my life at that point. I was really loving myself. And I had no intense expectation, but I had an intention and it just showed up. Like literally the way that I met Luca is that he moved in with my teammate.

He was the housemate of my teammate and she was saying to me for months, she's like, you got to meet this. Like my new housemate. Like she had like a house with like four, three or four bedrooms. And I was like, yeah, yeah, whatever. Like, I'm like, I don't need to meet a man. Like I'm good. You know? And like, so it's funny because I literally could have met him like four months sooner, but I didn't It wasn't even at the forefront of my mind, right?

And then one day I went over and he was obviously there because he lived there. And we, we met and it was like weird synchronicity. So we were in Australia at the time and we were just having a chat and he used to live in British Columbia. Which is so bizarre because I'm from BC and we, we're in BC, we moved back to BC.

And I was like, that's so random. Like everywhere in the world, like you are, you live where I'm from. And in that moment, like. I didn't even think of anything of it because I wasn't like, and I think sometimes we can do this when we're dating too. It's like every, every fucking man is like, is this a person?

Is this a person? Is this a person? Like, I wasn't like that. I was just like, Oh, he's nice. And then he found out that I was like dating and he asked my friend for my number. And then we started chatting and we went on a first date. We went to the beach because we were living in Australia. We went for a swim.

It was a winter. Winter there. I say in quotation marks and literally I thought we thought it was like an hour and it was like five hours that went by like it was one of those times where I like time flew and we it was literally in that moment and it's like I had never you know, previous to when he moved in, like I'd never met him before.

I felt like I knew him my entire life. We couldn't stop talking. We were so excited to like be together. And at that moment I was literally like, I've known you before. Like the, it felt like finding an old friend and old lover. And that was kind of like the start of our relationship, but we still have more of that, like.

We found each other and then we still like went on a growth road to get to where we actually ended up coming together. But that was kind of how I manifested in accidentally. Oh, it's such a beautiful story.  So many like coincidences with that. Yeah. Yeah. And it's, it's cool too, because  It's like almost rare now to meet someone like not online.

And it's not bad. Like, I think you can say you can absolutely, you, your soul mates like can exist online, but we just did, we did it, you know? And, and it's more often now that people like meet on. A dating app online. And so it's kind of cool that we literally like met in person without any of that. 

Yeah, it's definitely way more common, but I think, you know, people are still meeting in person, which is really cool. I think that people have the mindset that they're probably going to meet their person online, which like you said, you totally can. And it just, it's just another tool to meet people. But it happens, you know, just being open to you.

You never know. You never know. You never know. Exactly. And that's why some of my clients that are in the space of like working on manifesting love. It's like one of the things that now in hindsight, I didn't realize then, but what I would have told myself back then is I'm so, like, obviously I'm so grateful.

I literally every day, I'm so grateful to be in relationship with Luca and be getting married. But I think it's really beautiful to like, look at the time of your life before you meet your person is exciting. Instead of like, oh my god, like I need to meet them because,  you know, even thinking of like, this is like, maybe probably the last period in your life that you're going to be completely on your own and completely able to like, make your own decisions and you don't have to like, compromise about food and like, what you want to watch on Netflix and like, all of those things because that's real And so like  looking at that period before you find your person as exciting instead of waiting because waiting only attracts more waiting energy, right?

And I think because I wasn't waiting around, it came so fast. Like both of us were surprised to kind of meet each other at that point because he had left a relationship previously four months earlier as well. And so we were only single for four months before we kind of really met each other. And it took us both by surprise, but again, we were both had done the healing work we had done working on being alone and kind of like the universe was like, okay, it's time.

I'm like, okay.  I love that. What do you think are some common mistakes that people make when they're trying to manifest love or a relationship?  I think the common mistake.

And I'm going to speak to women because I work primarily with women. And not everyone might be, listening might be a woman, but I think people make the mistake that they have to focus on the person when you actually have to focus on yourself.  And they put too much. And of course, like you want to know, right, kind of like what that person is going to be like and like have similar values, but I think people put too much emphasis on the other person.

They need to put more emphasis on themselves, you know, and, and, you know, me and Luke are going to be running actually like a little masterclass on, on relationships called couple goals. And the reason that I truly believe that we have such a good relationship now is we've never done any couples work.

We've never done like any official work together, but the reason that we have such a great relationship is because we've done the work on ourselves. And we have taken personal responsibility for our staff and we've worked through our triggers and we have like, I've worked so much on my own self worth.

And so I truly believe with women, like, how can you become the match for the person? Because if you think that you're going to feel like a different person, and if you expect your partner to ignite something in you, you're either, you're going to spend a long time looking for them, or you, you can't sabotage the person.

The perfect love because if you don't have that level of self confidence and self worth, then it doesn't like, sometimes we can like break it up because we don't feel worthy of it. Even when we attract that person. And sometimes we can see that. Right. And so for everyone that is wanting to manifest love, like work on yourself.

Prioritize yourself, become the person that is like the powerful human being that your future partner desires. Because a lot of people, especially if we struggle with self confidence, self worth, anxiety, we think that, Oh, well, when I'm in a relationship that I won't feel those things. That's not true. It's going to be, it's still going to be there.

If a person doesn't make that go away, you have to work on that. And it's not their responsibility to make you feel better for yourself. It's your job to work on yourself and to love yourself. Yes, you're speaking my language.  You've come to the right podcast. Perfect. I love it when that aligns.  Yes, that's literally what I talk about every day.

That's why the podcast is called Becoming the One. Because you need to become... The person that you want to attract, right? Because, and it's not like a, a one for one thing, but it's like,  you also have to be working on yourself. You have to become the one that they are looking for. The kind of partner that your ideal partner would be looking for.

And it's your job to work on yourself forever. You are responsible for your feelings, how you show up in the relationship, and ultimately how you feel.  And, and I think as well, like I see this in a lot of women like the, be really aware of the language that you generalize men in, because I think a lot of women say there's no good man out there.

All the men are like this. I'm like, because it's so funny because I. I'm very fortunate. I have a really great relationship with my dad. And I think that that's led me to having a very high regards to how men are. Not every woman has that because sometimes we've been like we have been in abusive relationships or you've had, you know, really absent father figures.

And so their idea of what a man is, is they see them in such a low light, but it's. I even still like, I believe that men are amazing. And I see that all the time. I see amazing single men around all of the time because that's my belief system that that exists. Right. But so often people are like, there's no good men.

I'm like, that's it. First of all, that's exactly what your brain is going to find. If you think that there's no good men out there, your brain is literally trained to find exactly what you're focused on based on your particular activating system. So it's only going to show you the men that are not available or you think that are not good enough.

You're not even going to physically, vibrationally, energetically, spiritually see your person if that's the language that you're using. Yes, absolutely. You cannot attract a healthy relationship and the kind of relationship that most of us want, right? Beautiful, passionate, like healthy love if you hate men, if your relationship with men is suffering, if you just believe that there's no good men out there or all men are out to get me, like it's going to be really, really hard for you to find a man that's not fitting those labels that you have in your mind. 

And that's why I think you need to prioritize that like personal development, that healing work. Because if you feel that way, there's probably something unhealed within you, whether it be from a father figure or past relationship, which is making you resent men. And that is literally just pushing away your ideal person.

Yes, absolutely.  What are some other common mistakes that you see people make?

What are some common mistakes? I definitely, the, the, the language is huge. I see that all the time, the outside of themselves. And you know, and this is hard. But I see people really lack patience.  They just want it to happen yesterday. And one of the things that I love to speak about as well is sometimes we have to remember too, that like, you're doing all the work.

But sometimes like, your person has to get into the right space to actually be able to see you. And, and so at a certain point you really do have to surrender, right? Because,  And, and you have to trust the timing because me and Luca have had conversations. It was like, if we met five years earlier and we actually have like done the timeline work, I'm like, I used to work as a waitress and a, and a bartender and a very like Prominent bar like in Perth and he had gone there and so like we probably even could have seen each other like I could have served him but obviously we were, there was no way we were ready yet like I wasn't ready, I wasn't the woman that I needed to be yet, he wasn't the man he needed to be yet and so like sometimes we need to trust that too because there is a real divine timing when we're speaking about attracting a relationship because they need to be in the right space as well as you being in the right space.

I love the story of, do you know Amanda Francis? Do you follow her? Love her. And so she's, her story is really cool because I, about her attracting her partner is I think they met like a year earlier, but he was in a relationship, like he was married. Or he was divorcing, like it wasn't, they didn't cheat or anything like that, but he was divorcing.

And so he had like little kids, like three and four from, from my understanding. And so he was divorcing, but he wasn't. He, they met, but he said he wasn't ready yet. And then a year later, then he was like ready. I think everything was finalized. Like they were on good terms. And then they met and like, literally she became a step mom and now they have a baby together.

And so they have, like, she has like two step kids and like a baby with him and like, they're just so beautiful together. But I love that story because like he wasn't ready, you know, and I think maybe she was like 35 or something when she met him. And then she like literally got an instant family and like bonus children and now has a baby.

And like. We have to, like, really allow ourselves to find these stories and see that love looks different for every person. Yeah, some people are gonna meet their person when they're 16 years old and be together their whole life. But some people aren't and, like, your love story is gonna look different. And This is something that I think is so important to is  like, you have to fight for the love that you want and the love that you dream of dream of.

I remember there was a moment where me and my ex were having one of the many arguments that we had, and I remember I was literally crying on the floor and I was saying to him, I was like, I know this sounds silly, but I believe in the fairytale love. I believe in that. And he said to me, he's like, Danielle, that's stupid.

There's, that doesn't exist. Love isn't like that. And I said to him, I was like, but I believe that it is.  And it's crazy because I feel like I have that in my relationship. Again, there's mundane days and there's boring days and we still work through stuff. But I held that vision, right? And, and I, I, that led me to where I am now.

But if I settled... And please, every person out there, do not settle. You will be resentful for the rest of your life. Do not settle at all. Compromise is very different than settling. Then, like, hold that vision and hold that standard for the relationship that you want. And call, like, when, even when you're in relationship, also know that Sometimes people think about, oh, well, then I'm going to get with that person.

That's going like the works keeps going. Like, you know, if we saw like the epilogue of the Disney movie, it'd be like them figuring out how to like live together and move in together and like move through like different ups and downs in their relationship. So, you know, there is a process of finding a person and then there's the process of growing with your person.

But again, that should feel like it shouldn't feel constantly hard, but there is still growth there.  Yeah. There sure is.  It's definitely going to be an element of growing together. And I love that you said that holding that vision for what you want. And it's all about being unrealistic because it's, it is unrealistic to think that you're never going to have a fight or.

To think there's never going to be any problems, but I do think holding the vision of what you want and the type of person and who has the qualities and values that you desire is really important.  It's so important. And even like. It was a part of me and Luca's story as well. So we got together and it was a mate, like, just like mind blowing when you feel like you met someone that you've known, like in many other lifetimes, it's very mind blowing the first few weeks.

And then what happened, even though we're 100% meant to be together, is we were really bringing up a lot of triggers and wounds in each other. And so. In, in the beginning, we realized that we still need to do a lot of work, even though, you know, I had done a lot of work to like meet him. We still need to do a lot of work.

I was bringing up, like, I have a lot of love in my heart to give. And he has grew up in a very violent household growing up. So he still had some, Like trouble around receiving love and it was too much for him. And he has like always had natural confidence. Like he's like never really struggled with like self consciousness or anything like that.

And I'm just like, I don't even know how that's possible. And so he's like confidence level, like triggered me. And so we are triggering each other. And about three months after we met. Like Luke asked for us to like, be friends again. I can't just stop dating. And he even said to me at the time and he, cause he was like exploring as well, he said to me, he wanted to be in a polyamorous relationship.

And I, I said to him.  I like, I have no judgment in whatever anyone wants to live and do. That's totally fine. And I did a lot of research and I was like listening to lots of podcasts, hearing lots of people's opinions and really like going into it with an open mind. And I realized that I had like, so I've, this was, you know, before I'd written my book before I really started my business that I do now, I had so many big dreams and goals.

And I was like, That sounds like it'd work for someone, but that sounds like a lot of work for me. And I, I just don't want to be in a polyamorous relationship. And I said that to him. I said like, look, this is what I want. I want to be in a relationship with just with one person. And if you want to be polyamorous relationship, I don't want that.

So you can go and do your thing. The funny thing is. We couldn't stop talking. So like we, like he, we were still friends that we would talk every single day and we'd hang out all the time. And so we were like friends for like four months and then kind of like a crazy story. But Luca went and did like a plant medicine ceremony like five MEO, it's like a toad medicine and one of the things That came up being, okay, well, okay, then let me give you the whole story.

So what happened is we were friends for a few months and we, like he couldn't, I, I was like, okay, I'm going to have to get him off my mind. If he doesn't want to be with me, then he doesn't want to be with me. I'm going to start dating again. So I was going on some dates again, just to like, try and like get over him.

But he would still call me every day and we'd, we'd like chat for hours. And I told him, I was like, look, I'm going to move to Bali. Like at the end of the year, and I'm going to like go off my dream and start this business. And then he comes to me a week later. He's like, so Danielle, I'm going to move to Bali and I'm going to start building.

I was like, Oh, fuck. Oh, you're like following me. I was like, so you're telling me that you want to be friends forever and you want to do the same thing. I'm like moves. I'm like, Thumbs up here. And so I ended up asking him at the time and this was like such a beautiful empowering moment for me I like hounded him and I said to him like what is it?

like if you were wanting to You know still stay connected as friends if you're wanting to literally like move to another country together It's like at the same time like why don't you want to be together? And I like hounded him. This was hard. He, cause he's a, he's a beautiful person, but I said like, you need to tell me.

And he said, he's like, I'm just not sexually attracted to you. And that was like, I feel like for any woman, right? Like that's like the biggest thing anyone can say, especially my thing for my whole life. Again, self love, body love, self worth. And that wasn't the case when we first got together to say it like lightly PG Lee.

And in that moment I had the opportunity from that statement.  To be like, Oh my gosh, what he's saying is true. This means all of this about me. Like this means that I'm not enough, dah, dah, dah, whatever. And in that moment I said, you know what, fuck it. The person that's going to love me is going to find me beautiful.

And if that's not you, then it's not you. So again, it's like I really set expectation and I, I held my standard up. I was like, I know that I am worthy and I'm beautiful and I'm an amazing human being for the right person. And if that's not you, and if you don't see me like that, I don't want to be with you.

And so I like fully let it go, like fully let that go. Then six days later, Luca goes and does this like plant medicine ceremony, five MEO toad, which is like, it's very short. It's like 20 minutes, which is. very wild. He calls me on the way back. And he's like, I have to talk to you. Again, can stop talking, still friends.

And I'm like, I thought he talked to aliens or something. And I'm like, yeah, tell me like, cause I had completely let all expectations go. And he said, I need to talk to you. He's like, you want to come over? I'm like, yeah, sure. And so I went over to his place and he said, I realized. That we're meant to be together and that you're my person and I was like shocked What I was like, sorry what you just told me you weren't attracted to me like six days ago like what's going on and and they went into this conversation about how he realized that he had a lot of like Healing to do and a lot of work to do and that actually like I was his person But it was really intimidating for him.

And so he was kind of shown that And I was like so shocked that I went home and took a nap. So it's like a lot for me to process. And that was kind of like crazily the beginning of our relationship. And so we had this very weird thing at that point where it's like we deeply knew that we needed, we were meant to be together and we wanted to be together.

But we also knew that we had to continue to grow, to become the people that we are now to be able to like get married and have a family and do all of those things. And so we had this really interesting kind of start to our relationship where we're kind of still figuring each other out. But our decision to be together, and, and I think that this is when you find your person too,  is like, when you decide to come together and it's your person, it's not like we're going to date.

Our decision to come together is like, you're my person for life.  And we're going to work towards whatever our life vision is collectively. Because it was funny, we had some, a friend asked us like six months later, they're like, so like, are you guys going to stay together? Like, are you going to get married?

We almost laughed at him, and we're like, don't you get it? Like, we decided to be together. So like, Yeah. That was it. Right. We, we got engaged a couple of years later and stuff like that, but we still kind of went through those normal processes, but I think it's when you find your person, it's the same. Like, it's not like, let's like date and try this out and let me like, think about if you're my person.

It really, I know it sounds so cheesy, but it's like a knowing it's like, if I'm going to be with you, I'm, I'm, I'm with you all in till the end of my days. It, it, it is like a full body energetic, like feeling and decision. And so I think that's something that's been so different about like how we've come together.

We didn't have to like, think about it and like discuss if we're going to get engaged. It was just like, of course, you know, we're going to choose to be together. Like this, you're my life person. And, and then since then we've done so much more growth and become like had so many ups and downs that are our relationship.

But the reason that. We are in such a good place today. And this is something I didn't know from my past relationship. Like,  it actually gets better and better. Like, don't think that when you get with your person, that's it. Like, your relationship continues to evolve. And like, it's literally better than it was four years ago.

I didn't know that was possible. I think a lot of people think you get with your person, you have a honeymoon period, and then it kind of just goes like dry. And then you're stuck with them for four years. It's like, that's not true. It actually gets better and better. Yeah. Do you attribute that to the work that you continue and he continues to do on himself? 

Yeah. A hundred percent. I think if we weren't both growth oriented it wouldn't be where we are now. And there has been times, and I think that this happens, like if you're in a relationship with someone who is like growth oriented or just like open minded to improving, right? There's been times too, where we've like called each other up and I think that's what like a beautiful relationship is.

It's like. Okay, I'm growing a lot right now, like I, you can come up and be with me and it's not like from a shameful place. It's like you can do better. You can be better. And so we've kind of both done that to each other throughout our journey. But again, like we have never done couples work. We've never done couples.

We've never had to do that and not that that that's bad. I think that that's so beautiful, but what has been so powerful for us, like truly having the best relationship of anyone that I've seen. I say that like with humility, but like I, we have so many people ask us about our relationship all the time is because we do the work on ourselves.

And when we do the work on ourselves and take responsibility for our shit, it actually makes our relationship better.  Yes, it totally does. I work with a lot of people who are in individual therapy for, like, their relationship, and I personally think that is the best way to improve your relationship. I also work with couples, and I think that's great, too.

But I always recommend them to do individual therapy or work with a coach because you need that. It's, there's only so much you can do. I mean, you definitely can make huge improvements in couples therapy, like for sure. But when you have all of this like trauma or triggers or things that are coming up on a really deep level for you individually, or you're not loving yourself or whatever it is, right.

It's going to impact the relationship and you can only do so much of that work. Together because most relationship issues that are coming up are really just a reflection of what's going on with us. A hundred percent, right? It's, it's all internal. And I think as well, sometimes what I've learned is at the beginning I wanted to do like everything together and like share everything.

And again, like we, I, we do share everything. Like there's like no secrets or anything like that between us. But I think sometimes you need to learn how to hold yourself through something. Like Luca is my person and I know he'll carry me through anything. But I also have had to learn that I can carry myself through anything.

And I think that that leads to a healthy relationship because sometimes what can happen is codependence. And if you go through something, you want your partner to fix you and to heal you. And ultimately, even for them energetically, that ends up being a very heavy load to carry, right? Because you, you're the one person that you're stuck with until the end of your days is you, like you can't run away from you.

And so there's been moments where It's been where in our relationship it's been hard but beautiful where it's like I've had to I can love him as much as I possibly can but I've also had to witness that he needs his space to hold himself through what he's going through or I need my space to hold myself through what I'm going through and then once we have that then we'll support each other but I think that's so important because I think it turns into like  just too codependent and too toxic if you think that the other person is going to heal you.

Yes,  it does. It leads to a lot of codependency and you can even do this work while you're in a relationship. I mean, you did. You're a great example of like, you can be in a relationship and still be working on yourself. It's totally a thing. And honestly, like, the work on yourself never ends. Like, and not from a place of like, it's exhausting, but like, it's fun, you know?

And because there's going to be new phases of life. And I think that's like, when you go into a relationship and realizing that in manifesting your relationship, It's a growth for life thing because, like, once you have figured it out, things change again. Right? And just because you, we're all aging, we're all growing, right?

Or then, like, maybe you change jobs, or locations, or maybe, like, you change families. And, like, becoming a mother and father brings up a lot, you know, in, in people. Or becoming parents brings up a lot in people. Like there is no point where you're like, oh, okay, cool. I'm like, good. I can just like shelf that for life.

Yeah. I don't believe in you're ever healed. It's just like an ever evolving, like healing journey of life. And there's going to be times where it's like a lot of healing needs to be done. And other times where it's just a little, and I think it's really too bad, like being open minded to that growth.

Because it doesn't mean you have to be reading like a personal development, every book and listening to five podcasts and like, you know, all that stuff. I mean, yeah, those things are great, but that's not what you always have to do. I think it's just being open and being willing to learn and grow together and like navigate those things.

And when stuff does come up, handling it in a way and finding, you know, whatever it is you need to help you grow in that area.  A hundred percent and not, never putting, this is hard, but never putting your ego in front of the relationship because like a lot of people, it can be hard. Like you have to admit when you're wrong.

Like you have to like, like admit defeat, like realize that.  It's like our ego can try and protect us. Even with the person that is our soul might love our ego still comes out and wants to be right. And it's just not worth it in having a beautiful relationship. You can still hold your standards and you can still disagree, but don't put your ego in front of having a beautiful relationship.

Yes, absolutely. So what do you think are the keys to manifesting a relationship and love  working on yourself?  Number one, do the shit to work on yourself, work on yourself worth. I see. And I see this happen a lot. with my clients. I don't focus, like my focus isn't on manifesting relationship. My focus is on helping women elevate their self worth, empower themselves and elevate their mindset.

What happens all the freaking time with my clients is when we do the self worth work, they manifest their partner because they become the vibrational. representation and like match for the person that they're ready for and they weren't ready for that before. So that in and of itself, do the self worth work, do the healing work, do what you need to do to become the person that you're ready to become.

And then also like  have an idea of what you do want and what does matter to you, you know it wasn't like a,  it wasn't like a game changer, but like, I did want to have someone that wanted to be like an entrepreneur and to travel and that was willing to, you know my family's in Canada, his family's in Australia, that as well.

willing to like, not just be grounded to one place forever. And so you do have to have an idea of like what values are actually important to you because there's always going to be some values that are different. And I think that's important to have differences. But like, you know, like if you want to have kids, like you need to find someone that has, wants to have kids.

If you want to have a certain lifestyle, you need to find someone that's willing to be in alignment with that. So be, you have to figure out what you want  and then. Your person's going to come into that. And then also like, I would say number three, so work on yourself, figure out what you want, and then understand that when you meet your person, it is still about growing and it keeps going, like to put it simply. 

Yes, I agree with all of those. I love those. And I would add, I'm going to add my, one of my key things here is that not entertaining stuff that is not the right person. Like you have to get good and it's hard. Like, I will be honest. This is something I struggled with for the longest time is holding onto stuff longer than I needed to.

Like, even if I knew they weren't my person, I just liked to be. You know,  it does feel good, but you have to let go of it because that person, even that person that you're calling up for a little booty call whenever they are taking up space where your person wants to come in. And if you have all of these men surrounding you that are not or anybody, regardless of gender, like around you that you know are not your person, you're holding on to them.

It's just taking up energetic space in your heart and it's, it's keeping that away.  That's so true because you see so many people do that because it's like, it's like you said, it feels nice. It feels nice to get that validation. It feels nice to have someone around, but like. You don't want to be focused on the shit while like the dream person walks by, right?

And you don't want to miss them because you're like tolerating something that's less than your standards. Yes, absolutely. And you're also sending mixed messages to the universe. Like, you know, it's like confused. It's like, Oh, you already have men in your life. Well, I guess you don't want this other thing, you know, I'm just like waiting and, and it doesn't really serve you.

Like it never made me feel really ultimately good to have these people in my life that. I knew weren't it. It was really just like a band aid to the problem rather than like facing the issue that I didn't feel worthy and that I didn't like myself as much as I pretended to. And that's really what it was about, you know, and it was just, it never made me feel good at the end of the day.

Mm, so true. And I think that like  if we speak about into like heterosexual relationships and like a man,  the king that you're wanting to attract probably isn't wanting to have like a queen that's like fucking around and like, and I, it doesn't, it's not even about like fucking around like sex. It's about like, Ho having her standards lower.

Like they're, if you wanna call forward someone with high standards, you have to have high standards for yourself, right? Like Yeah. And expect that of yourself because that's what you want. And if you expect that of them, how you have to expect that of yourself. And it, it's really in that like exactly what you're speaking about.

You call forward a higher standard of human as well. Mm-hmm. . Right?  Definitely. Are there any other tips you would give for manifesting.

You know what? Like, I've realized this recently as well. Like, let yourself daydream about what you want your life to look like with that person. I used to actually do that when I was younger. And even when I was with my ex, I would daydream what it would feel like to be with my right person. And like, let yourself have fun with it.

You know, like imagine, like, think about, Oh, how fun was it to like, to be, to go on a trip to Italy or like to get married and, and, and do it in a way that's like joyful, not in a way that's like, Oh, I don't have it yet. Right? Because I realized now on the other side that everything that I dreamed of when I was a little girl and in my past relationship is what my life is right now. 

I wasn't sitting there and being like, I'm going to like visualize my partner today. It was more just like in the.  And you're going for a walk, when you're falling asleep at night, when you are going for a coffee, and you're like, Oh, wouldn't it be nice? Right? And so having that energy instead of like, it has to be this way.

And so like, Oh, wouldn't be, wouldn't it be nice? Like, how exciting will it be when? And that like, A joyful anticipation without expectation of just like daydreaming of what your life will be is so powerful because that is manifestation. But it's, it's without like the intensity that I think sometimes like our industry can like put on it, right?

Like you can do like sit down and like do it for 25 minutes every day and like you can do that too, but like just let it be easy because you're going to get to a point one day where you realize that what you're daydreaming of is exactly what's in your reality. Yes,  I actually I love visualization. It's one of my most favorite things to do.

It's so fun. And I think that when you do it, it's exactly what you said, like, let it be part of your day, you can you can be intentional about visualizing, I actually have  a visualization that is for free that people can do around manifesting your dream partner. And it's so fun. And just let it be fun.

Like, instead of all that pressure around it, like,  Distrusting and surrendering like you said earlier to the experience and knowing that it is going to come and just have fun with visualizing it in your mind like I love visualizing. I literally feel like I got like another world when I do it. It's so great.

It's so fun. And I think it's what we all used to do as kids. Right. And we kind of like Sometimes the harshness of the world can, like, make you let that part of your life go, but the people that you consistently see the people that have achieved or gotten whatever, like they have dreamt of in their life, they speak about all the same things, right?

They speak about, like, they dreamed it into being, they spoke it into being. One of my friends of ours Matt Kama and his.  They're like both relationship coaches, but he would talk about how he, before he met Kelly, he would like,  He would be on the phone, he would like pretend that he was on the phone when he was in a coffee shop because he's a bit of an introvert.

And so he would like speak to someone as if he had just met their, his person. And so he would like be like, yeah, like she's amazing. We had this incredible date last night. Like it was like, all this happened and he would, he has literally spoken his life into being like, it's amazing what he has created.

And he's like. 29. And I think that that was just such a fun little one that like, I've liked implementing in my life too. Like, especially if you have those moments when you're by yourself, like get your phone out, pretend that you're talking to someone on the phone and like, speak about what it's like because you do that enough and it will become your reality.

Yes, yeah, I love them. Everyone should go check them out. They're adorable and they just got engaged. Yeah, I know. They just got engaged. They're so cute and they're like such beautiful human beings as well. In general, like they're just.  Yeah. They're, they're good humans. So I can, I can vouch for that. 

Well thank you so much for coming on today and sharing all about this. Where can my audience find you at? Yes. So you can follow me on Instagram, daniellecattewell  underscore or on Tik Tok, just my full name or my website, but Instagram is like my main place that I hang out. Send me a message if you love this and my podcast is the beautiful souls podcast. 

Amazing. Well, thank you so much for coming on today. Thank you, Christina