Weasel Tales: The Bobby Heenan Archives - Drumstick Finale, Bossman, And A Philosophical Brain

Ever wondered how a bit of insanity can save the day? Or what it takes to go toe-to-toe with a 300-pound wrestling giant? This week’s episode is a rollercoaster of humor, grit, and unforgettable stories from our charismatic guest, a seasoned performer who’s seen it all. From the unpredictable streets of New York to the electrifying energy of the wrestling ring, he takes us through his journey of navigating life's challenges with a sprinkle of comedy and a whole lot of courage. His recollection of avoiding a confrontation by channeling his inner kung-fu master is as hilarious as it is enlightening, proving that sometimes acting a little crazy is the best way to stay safe.

We also pull back the curtain on the world of professional wrestling, giving you a behind-the-scenes look at a match that pitted our guest against a 300-pound, 6'5" opponent. What does it take to entertain a crowd and negotiate the intricate dynamics of the ring? You'll find out as he shares the strategies, negotiations, and sheer showmanship that go into making wrestling such a captivating spectacle. Whether it’s gifting a Hulk Hogan doll or negotiating the use of a nightstick, our guest’s tales are packed with humor and valuable life lessons. Don't miss this chance to get inside the mind of an entertainer who's truly mastered his craft!

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

You listen to me, you go to the top. Bobby, bobby, bobby, bobby, bobby no-transcript, thank you. That wasn't the pianist, but I always found and made a living. There's always ways to do it. If you know that you're your best friend, I will never, never do anything to hurt you. Our children may hurt us someday and leave us. Our lives may be divorced or we could get BOJ'd, but I will never hurt me. And if you know that I live inside of this 180 pound, 6 foot shell and I look out no one can look in, and I'm always aware of people and everything around me.

Speaker 1: 1:37

I was walking on the street when I was in New York. I had a cold, so I went to a friend of mine on the car that he drove and he was a little, and so I'm just saying we're 49th and 8th, he's like a 57th and Broadway. So I walk over there and all I want to do is get some good old Jewish chicken soup and I had a bowl of chicken soup. It was really good. I felt a little better. And I'm walking back and I see a bunch of rough-looking guys on the street there in New York, so I cross the street to avoid it. Somebody told me a long time ago if you act nuts, nobody ever messes with you. I heard a thing If you ever held up, you know what the best thing to do Throw up on your money. No one will take it. We're walking to a car when I me and Baron Van Ryski and Hayman in the end and somebody came up from the house between the bushes they lived there or something I cut it right away. Hey, pats, you're the hell out of both of us. I said I had my heart speeding. And Ryski says I'm ready to throw up on my money. So I'm walking down the street and I see all these guys and I'm thinking I'm by myself. I got beach ball hair. I'm going to get in trouble. I bet African nuts. So as I'm walking I can see them coming up behind me. So I start all this Kung Fu, jackie Chan stuff. Yeah Ha Ha. I turn around and there's nobody there, people at the shadow of the street light. I was scared of my own shadow, but you know that probably would have saved me. Yeah, I would have acted nuts. Yeah, is that okay, sir? Oh, yeah, that's great. So Bubba's 300 pounds 6'5". I only had to go like a couple minutes with him. I had to take the place of Rick Ruth and Rick Ruffers-Alverson, so Bubba's 300 pounds, 6'5".

Speaker 1: 3:47

There's no way I could have a match with this guy and make it work out. I can beat him, but that doesn't matter, because people want to see me get beat. So all I want to do is entertain people. So he had to beat Bossman with a knife stick, yeah. So what I do is I go into the ring and I had a Hulk Hogan doll I was going to give to him, to give to his mother. I was not going to be wrestling buddy, yeah, yeah, wrestling, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, throw him in the ropes if he's come off, going to take his hand off, and he does, turns around and nails me.

Speaker 1: 4:34

I throw the knife stick up. He catches it. I'm off his. He wouldn't do it. He said that's my gimmick. You can't have my knife stick. He didn't trust me. A son of mine wouldn't trust you because he thinks you take the knife stick and beat him up. I'm going to give him 90% of the match. I wanted to establish a good comeback for him. Let me get some heat on you. You're going to get the stick back. You're going to get your hand raised, and I really like him. He's a nice guy. He was a little grumpy at this time. He didn't understand, but now I believe he said here, take your stick, use it all you want on me, because he's an up there worker now. He never understood that I'm not here to screw you, I'm here to make money.

Speaker 1: 5:16

I've seen guys in this business that were in the main event last week and let's say, you did $10,000. They're not in the main event this week. Somebody else is. They want the house to do $9,000. I always want the house to do $12, house to do 12, 15 because I get paid on the more people that are there, no matter where I am on the card. I thought they'd keep your salary down and you didn't know. But sometimes you get a loan. You gotta make it to get 30 bucks. Sometimes they have to give you 50. Well, they've been around too long and these guys want somebody else to fail.

Speaker 1: 5:52

There were guys in this business that I knew that were so glory, hungry. If I told you, I'm going to bring you in and I'll give you $1,000 a week and I'm going to make you my champion. All I'm going to bring you in and not use you as a champion that good, that well and I'm going to make you my champion. All I'm going to bring you in and not use you as a champion not good, not well. But I'll give you $1,500 a week. No, you guys wouldn't come in for that. You want to be the champion so I can roll my suit and tell them if you're in this business for anything more than money. You're a fool. Yeah, I told one. I said you beat Nick one more time. You're a fool. Yeah, I told one of them. I said you beat Nick one more time. You get to keep him. Put the word in the streets.