Ep 44 Understanding and Leveraging the Female ADHD Experience

When I first recognized the signs of ADHD in myself, a wave of emotions hit me—confusion, relief, but mostly a burning curiosity. How many other women, like me, were out there struggling to piece together the puzzle of their own minds? Today's episode peels back the curtain on the world of ADHD in women, a topic that, until recently, has lingered in the shadows of misunderstanding. As we walk through the distinct challenges women face in obtaining an accurate ADHD diagnosis, I share not only my journey but also the stories of countless others who've walked this path. We tackle the complexities of the three ADHD subtypes and why the condition might stealthily slip under the radar, manifesting as forgetfulness or disorganization, rather than the more conspicuous hyperactivity.

Join me for a heartfelt exploration of what it means to live with ADHD as a woman in today's world. We don't just stop at the difficulties; we celebrate the unique strengths that come hand-in-hand with this condition, and how, with the right support—be it through counseling, coaching, or medication—we can transform challenges into opportunities. I touch on the neurological roots of ADHD, the often misunderstood Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, and effective coping strategies that span from leveraging technology to nurturing open communication with loved ones. It's a conversation brimming with empathy and empowerment, urging for a surge in awareness and support across both personal and educational spheres, so that women with ADHD can craft lives not defined by their condition, but enriched by it.

Transcript

Marta Hamilton: 0:00

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Marta Hamilton: 0:41

Hi listeners, welcome to another episode of the TeleWellness Hub podcast. I'm Marta Hamilton, your host, and I really want to have a meaningful conversation about topics that shape our lives and look at health and wellness from a perspective of everyday practical input. So today I really want to delve into a subject that I think remains in the shadows. Even with all our advances in technology and in medicine, we still do not have that much awareness about ADHD, attention death hyperactivity disorder in women. So did you know that women often face unique challenges when it comes to ADHD diagnosis? It's not uncommon for women to receive their ADHD diagnosis later in life and in some cases they may be misdiagnosed altogether. Recent studies show that girls are less likely than boys to be identified as having ADHD during childhood, which leads to a delayed recognition in adulthood. Women are diagnosed with ADHD on average of five to seven years later than their male counterparts. Women are commonly misdiagnosed as having bipolar disorder, anxiety or depression instead of ADHD. That doesn't mean that people can't also be diagnosed with other disorders like ADHD and anxiety, or ADHD and depression, but the fact is there are a lot of misdiagnoses that happen before they get the accurate ADHD diagnosis.

Marta Hamilton: 2:19

I've done a lot of testing and evaluation for ADHD. Unfortunately, there's not like a clear blood work or biomarker to identify ADHD right now. When it comes to testing, it's really a matter of presentation of symptoms over the course of someone's life and based on what people report. I can't tell you how many times I've had women who are already late in their careers as executives or in the military or in other careers, or already are mothers the look of relief when they finally receive the diagnosis after testing or just sometimes the emotional response of everything making sense. I can't tell you how many times I've had that experience. I realized I really wanted to bring to light this occurrence for women and the challenges that they face when they don't have the correct diagnosis. Therefore, if you don't have the correct diagnosis, you might not be getting the right support through counseling or coaching or even medication. In today's episode I wanted to share a little bit about some just kind of the journey of being diagnosed and some things to look out for that you might not expect are ADHD in women but could point to the possibility of being ADHD.

Marta Hamilton: 3:51

Something I want to mention is you may hear me constantly saying ADHD for attention deficit, hyperactivity disorder, and not ADD, because ADD attention deficit disorder was a term that used to be used but it is no longer utilized. Everything now medically, when getting diagnosed, falls under ADHD and there's three subtypes, predominantly hyperactive and pulsive type. So that's kind of what you think stereotypically is someone who has a lot of hyperactivity. That's one subtype. Another is predominantly inattentive type and that's someone who has a hard time concentrating. So I'm kind of replacing that ADD, if you will diagnosis. And then the third is combined type and that would be for someone who presents with both the impulsivity, the hyperactivity and the inattentive and difficulty concentrating.

Marta Hamilton: 4:48

So, contrary to stereotypes, adhd and girls during childhood doesn't always manifest as hyperactivity and more often for girls it presents as an attention, so daydreaming or difficulty focusing. And this atypical presentation of ADHD, outside of what we normally would think of, can lead to girls being overlooked, because it's that traditional hyperactive symptoms that are more commonly associated with boys and are more visually seen, typically by teachers who bring up concerns or what they're noticing to parents, and therefore girls with ADHD are more likely to display internal symptoms and it's less noticeable than the external hyperactivity, and that's why it can get overlooked. And these girls with ADHD transition into adulthood and, as a woman, the challenges associated with ADHD continue and in fact, women have a really high mental load, and so sometimes women start having experience and just feeling totally overwhelmed. In adulthood, especially if they have ADHD, they're having a high mental load of now even more energy to focus, to organize and to manage their time, and so the difficulties in this may become overwhelming. And it's crucial to recognize that ADHD also comes with some surprising symptoms. So I wanted to talk a little bit about that, because I know we can sit there and say like, okay, well, we have a hard time concentrating. Okay, that's the main symptoms, but the common signs just some signs, and again, this is not medical advice. So just take this with an understanding that it's to kind of gain some insight and if it strikes in you some question of like wait a minute. I feel this it is a good indicator and I'm going to encourage you to go talk to a therapist. They do not judge. They can help put the pieces together of maybe things you're experiencing now and maybe experience in childhood and that you experience in multiple settings. That's something that's important.

Marta Hamilton: 7:13

With ADHD, it doesn't just happen only at home or only at work. You realize that these signs of ADHD persist in the brain and therefore are present in many settings and environments. But some signs are things like difficulty, the focusing and concentrating, disorganization, forgetfulness, maybe overspending, a lot of paper, clutter, hard time making decisions, problems listening, and there are many reasons why someone might have those symptoms. But it's something to look at because you know, being able to pay attention to details, stay organized, listen, remember things and focus are really crucial. I can tell you as a mom and I have been diagnosed myself with ADHD as an adult, prior to being a mom but I remember when I received a diagnosis how it made everything make sense. I was not hyperactive. I'll up maybe a little bit, but not enough that it was a distraction or a problem in the classroom. I had good grades, mine was very internal, and what happens is as a mom and in business. It takes a lot of work to pay special energy and to apply all my coping skills to focus, to pay attention to details, to stay organized, to listen and remember things.

Marta Hamilton: 8:47

Typically, some of the things that you may see in women who have ADHD. You might see that you know typically what comes up is women will share gosh. I just wish I were a better friend. I wish I were a better mom. I'm like the hot mess mom. I'm the hot mess friend, I'm the hot mess partner, like maybe you wish you could remember birthdays or could be the person that like fakes the cookies and you remember that it's.

Marta Hamilton: 9:15

You know you need to arrive on time for something and just because you're not able to do these things, people might think you don't care and you might put a lot of pressure on yourself. That's one way in which ADHD can impact life, same with social and maybe it's really hard now to navigate things. Like you know, responding to text messages, maybe you get overwhelmed, over, stimulated by a lot of noise and distraction at parties, or have a hard time focusing and concentrating on what people are saying, even when they're talking directly to you. Even over, sharing is a symptom that can happen, particularly for women with ADHD. And then kind of having that regret like oh man, why did I say that? You know that's? That's something that might point a therapist or psychiatrist into the direction to consider. Okay, like this, is this part of a one symptom, of a puzzle piece of ADHD with work.

Marta Hamilton: 10:19

It can feel like being out in office is so overwhelming, maybe because of the noise and the people right a lot of opportunities for even losing concentration or destructibility, people popping into your office. You may may actually want to come in early or stay late because it's a time when everyone's left and it's quiet and it's easier to concentrate and focus. If your desk is way disorganized and clutter and it's hard to as hard as you try to keep it tidy and it only is able to stay that way for like maybe a day or two, that's, that's an indicator also. So, yeah, that daily life, like maybe your purse is full of paper, just drowning in paper clutter, or your car, or you don't feel organized with money, or you're behind with bills because of forgetfulness, or you overspend, or you just feel disorganized, like you might feel embarrassed to have guests visit your home, or you have just overwhelmed by indecision. Like grocery stores can be hard, you find it hard to make decisions about what to buy. Or you forget an ingredient. You get home you realize you forgot it, or you can't find your keys in the morning, and so you know you're running late for for drop-off, can't find your keys, can't find your phone.

Marta Hamilton: 11:41

I speak that one from experience. This is I have to have a system. Systems are so important when it comes to ADHD. Those are just some of the symptoms that might be surprising for some, that are indicators of ADHD, and it comes up a lot more with women because of the unique challenges that happen when becoming a mom or even if you don't have children, just challenges that come up in the workplace, for social life and some of the things that someone might share in therapy that a therapist could say you know what this might point to something more the the good thing when it comes to ADHD is that it also comes with unique strengths so such as creativity, resilience, even sometimes hyper focus. So basically, we've they've done a lot of research that a high number of entrepreneurs actually meet criteria for ADHD and some of the reasons that may be is because there's there's five positive key strengths that research has identified specifically with ADHD in women, and that's creativity, resilience, hyper focus, intuition and empathy. So strength number one ADHD often sparks creativity. Women with ADHD have been shown to possess a unique ability to think outside the box, fostering creativity in so many aspects of their lives.

Marta Hamilton: 13:14

Strength number two resilience. It's a hallmark of the women with ADHD. Overcoming challenges and adapting to different situations can basically become second nature Because of having to do that, to having to adapt so much in childhood to the demands of classroom and social environments with having an unidentified ADHD. So this leads to incredible resilience. Strength number three hyper focus. It's a superpower of ADHD. When women with ADHD find something they're passionate about, they can exhibit intense focus and productivity.

Marta Hamilton: 13:53

Strength number four that is research backed is intuition. So it's actually been shown to be heightened in women with ADHD. So the ability to pick up on subtle cues and connections can lead to insightful and intuitive decision making. There are some caveats to all these, which we can dive into in a little bit. But strength number five is empathy. So empathy usually shines in women with ADHD. The unique experiences that people with ADHD can have can, like really foster a deep understanding and empathy towards others who are also facing challenges. So there's a lot of surprising facets for ADHD in women and there's also a lot of positive strengths worth exploring.

Marta Hamilton: 14:37

So my hope is, by sharing this information, that if you think some of these things are kind of like striking a chord in me, it's worth exploring with a professional. I definitely suggest that step one is to talk to somebody, because everyone's symptoms will present differently in terms of how often they present themselves, how intense they may present themselves. Everyone's challenges are unique and a therapist will individualize their care for you, to meet you where you are. And our brain is an organ just like our lungs. And sometimes, even though we may have a desire you know have a daughter with asthma and you know her lungs are amazing and strong, but sometimes in certain environments, we have to modify what she's, what she does and how she does it, and even give her medication and have her use her inhaler so she can breathe. And it would be cruel to tell my daughter just come on, just focus, take a deep breath, your lungs work right Like, just use your lungs. It's the same thing with ADHD. It would be cruel to say to yourself or to someone you know and love that may have ADHD. You know what? Just come on, just focus, just concentrate, use your brain. It would be cruel.

Marta Hamilton: 16:02

Fortunately, we have the technology now that we can actually measure what is going on in the brains of someone with ADHD, and what we do know is that ADHD affects the frontal lobe, the part of the brain that basically is behind behind your, your forehead, and it just works differently in people with ADHD. In that area is is in charge of controlling a lot of different things, such as language, such as management of time, being able to think about our consequences to things, our ability to pay attention, our judgment, our impulse controls, and it just works a little bit differently with someone with ADHD. So, instead of feeling like wow, like I'm just what's wrong with me, just know that there are, there are some challenges, but there are strengths and working with the professional can really help you see how, how you can really hone in on some coping skills to help support you and, if you need, also there's medication that helps that front, activate that frontal lobe and those skills as well. And I also want to bring up for those with women with ADHD, there's something that isn't really talked about. It's something called rejection, sensitive dysphoria and studies show that you're more likely to have this if you have ADHD.

Marta Hamilton: 17:39

It doesn't have an official set of symptoms and it's not a formal medical diagnosis quite yet, but doctors and therapists use this term when they see that there's people who have an exaggerated reaction to the perceived rejection or criticism. So if you are someone who has a serious fear of rejection and this tends to happen more with women it may actually point to the potential of ADHD. So just another surprising fact there. It's unclear how, why it's linked with ADHD or how it's linked. It's also hard to measure rejection right, but they think that people with ADHD are more likely to show symptoms of RSD due to that differences in the brain structure. So this is like extreme pain that's difficult to control.

Marta Hamilton: 18:35

Dysphoria is the Greek word that translates to intense feelings of pain or discomfort, the opposite of euphoria, and so for some reason, some people might interpret and you know even unclear conversations as a form of rejection or being teased or as criticism If you have a really sensitive child like that, a young girl who also might be showing some of these other symptoms, or if you yourself find yourself sometimes having overwhelming feelings of like confusion or failure or betrayal or pain or sadness, and and it's difficult to regulate your emotions and and control them quickly. It might point to ADHD and you don't have to suffer unnecessarily and and it's worth. Again, I am biased but I will always say you are worth seeking support in the case that your life could be easier. Ultimately, you know that's what clinicians are here to bring health and wellness and to help you feel in a place of, of thriving. They're dedicated to that.

Marta Hamilton: 19:42

So if some of this may have struck a chord with you and you feel like, wow, this might be affecting me at work or this might be affecting me in my relationship I see how this is having a profound effect or on that or my parenting. I just get overstimulated. I can't keep on top of schedules. I'm having a hard time feeling like rejected. I feel so hurt. It's worth finding help, but one thing I can suggest is having open communication. If you have a partner, have open communication.

Marta Hamilton: 20:20

Fostering open communication creates understanding and support to be able to implement different strategies like time management and an organization that works for you. Time management is huge to help make those daily tasks a little less overwhelming and you know we have amazing technology now that can help us from. You know calendars on our phone. We have different apps. There's research that shows, though, that like going to old school with some sticky notes and a pad and paper works really well when it comes to helping to organize ADHD, but there's also the use of things like Alexa. You can ask Alexa to remind you about things, to set up routines. I can't tell you how often that has been really helpful for me, as I kind of try to help navigate my own time management and keeping track of everything you know, especially during that busy time when you're cooking dinner and kids are working on homework and you got places to go, and it's really helpful to be curious about different strategies and tools that can help you.

Marta Hamilton: 21:31

The key is to not ever get down on yourself and feel like you have to download. Maybe don't get impulsive which is what's one of the symptoms of ADHD and feel like give it down with all the apps. I know there are a lot of helpful ones, from Trello board to Asana, and you don't have to download all the apps and then feel bad that maybe you overspent on apps and you kept up with it for a day or two but didn't work. It's okay to give yourself some grace In fact, I always will encourage that with my clients and to be curious about what might work best for you. They're also, you know. I think being able to lean into your strengths is really helpful because, as we talked about that empathy, that intuition, that hyper focus, resilience and creativity, when you have guidance on how to turn that towards yourself and to help yourself feel empowered, it is an incredible feeling to experience helping facilitate that with clients. And, you know, I really hope anyone who feels like they're struggling or know someone who's struggling can encourage them to get help, because it's an amazing thing and it's such an honor to get to bear witness to seeing clients' lives being transformed.

Marta Hamilton: 22:49

So, you know, as we conclude this episode, I wanted to do this little intro episode on ADHD in women. It's very near and dear to me personally and professionally. I love the research on it. I love the neuroscience about it. I love the behavioral aspect of it. I think it's important to implement changes in our schools, recognizing ADHD is very prevalent. It affects millions of people. In the United States alone, it can occur up to approximately 6% of adults and I think it's important that we understand both the challenges and the strengths associated with the ADHD, so that we can contribute to a more inclusive and supportive community. So I do have plans this year. You'll want to stay tuned because I'm going to have some guests that specialize in this on the Tell-A-Wallness Hub podcast talking about ADHD in women. So in the meantime, thank you for joining us today for the Tell-A-Wallness Hub podcast. Stay tuned for more insights, be sure to subscribe and share and until next time, take care and be well.