54. Weaving the Fabric of Attachment: Elizabeth Pennington on Healing Trauma and Fostering Connections

Discover the delicate threads that weave our earliest bonds with the world as Elizabeth Pennington, an LPC and TBRI practitioner from Texas, graces us with her profound insights into attachment, trauma, and the healing journey. With the warmth of a mother of six and the innovation of a therapist who brings counseling to your doorstep in a Sprinter van, Elizabeth opens up about the generational echoes of our earliest interactions and their profound impact on our relationships. As we navigate the complexities of the human heart together, you'll come away with a newfound appreciation for the silent ways our caregivers shape us, and the essential steps we can take towards mending and forging stronger, healthier connections.

Embrace the transformation that comes with understanding and nurturing your attachments, whether you're a parent seeking to build a secure base for your child or an individual yearning to heal from past wounds. In our enriching exchange, Elizabeth unveils the essentials for finding a therapist trained in the nuanced dance of attachment-focused therapy, along with the value of EMDR and play therapy in reconciling developmental challenges. We offer strategies for combating the modern-day barriers to presence and responsiveness, crucial ingredients in the recipe for secure relationships. By the end of our conversation, you'll have an array of therapeutic avenues at your fingertips, with Elizabeth's guidance available through her therapy and training services for those ready to embark on their path to emotional wellness.

Connect with Elizabeth through her Happy Camper website:  https://www.happycampertherapy.com/

Transcript

Marta Hamilton TeleWellness Hub: 0:05

Welcome back to another episode of the TeleWellness Hub podcast. I'm Marta Hamilton, your host, and today our guest is Elizabeth Pennington, who is an LPC based out of Texas with a lot of other certifications that we'll talk about in our episode, and the owner of Happy Camper Child and Family Therapy. Happy Camper Child and Family Therapy brings the healing power of therapy to you with a unique converted Sprinter van. They bring the office to homes and community locations to serve clients where they are comfortable and convenient. They specialize in attachment, trauma and spirituality. Welcome, Elizabeth, thank you.

Marta Hamilton TeleWellness Hub: 0:43

Yes, I'm so excited. I ran across your website with the cute spring turban and I thought what a unique, innovative idea, especially when working with children. I know you also do telehealth, so you can see clients throughout the state of Texas. One thing I left out of the bio I know you also do training with clinicians and we'll we'll dive into that. That's like on a global scale. So before, before I dive into just some questions about family and attachment and the work that you do, I want to know if you could share with us first why do you do the wellness work that you do?

Elizabeth Pennington Happy Camper Therapy: 1:21

Yes, well, thank you for having me. I that's. That question is really big because there's so many components that go into who I am as a person and the path that's led me as a professional. I feel like, since you've asked me about attachment today, I would just focus on how adoption is personal to me.

Elizabeth Pennington Happy Camper Therapy: 1:41

I am the oldest of six kids, and all five of my siblings came through adoption, and my family was in full-time foster and adoption ministry for about 10 years, and so working with the foster adoptive families led me into something called TBRI. It stands for Trust-Based Relational Intervention, which is a program that equips parents as healing relationships in their children's lives when they have children through foster and adoption. And then, as a TBRI practitioner, I went on to get the additional skills and credentials to really dive deep into the trauma and attachment ones. But then I'm also an adoptive mother and I have eight children total. I have two in heaven, six with me on earth, and of those, three came through adoption, and so that's kind of ended up being the area that I'm equipped to help and to serve.

Marta Hamilton TeleWellness Hub: 2:38

That is incredible. What an incredible story. That's why I always love asking the why. I think there's something we learn so much in graduate school and we get training and we might develop some passions or skill sets there. But I love diving into the heart of why people do the work that they do. I think that's incredible because our work is not always easy and just yeah, and especially hearing the work you do and the history and passion behind it and relatability.

Marta Hamilton TeleWellness Hub: 3:10

I think it's incredible and I'm sure it serves when talking with other parents because it sounds like you've lived when it sounds like an attachment as a sibling, as a daughter, seeing the ministry of your parents just kind of witnessed a lot about what attachment looks like, and as a parent and now as a clinician. Can you share with us a little bit about just an overview of attachment styles? It was circulating around for some time, I remember, in social media and it probably still is, but I saw it just come up a lot and I don't know if that's the algorithm for me as a therapist, but can you share with the listeners a little bit about what an overview of the attachment styles? Sure.

Elizabeth Pennington Happy Camper Therapy: 3:56

And I'm really grateful that it is becoming more widespread. They're even teaching about it in the graduate programs now, because it's the foundation for who we are as people. It's really not just for foster and adoptive clients. We know it's an obvious rupture in attachment when you're separated from biological parents, but it also is a cycle that gets passed through family lines. That gets passed through family lines and so a lot of the clients I work with who have attachment trauma are actually biological children whose parents were coming from an insecure place and parenting out of insecurity. That cycle continues, and so I would say this is foundational to all the clients I work with to understand how they formed into the relational being that they are and then within that there's so much hope, not just to understand how it has deviated or gotten off track, but how to restore the potential for relationship, because I do feel like relationship is where we are most at peace, and being able to facilitate the possibility for people to enjoy relationship is a big part of what I do. So I spoke to you about drawing this, so yeah, those who can watch, I will draw this, but also try to describe it as we go through.

Elizabeth Pennington Happy Camper Therapy: 5:17

The attachment cycle is begins at birth. So if you think about a human infant, it's actually remarkable that they survive because they are born the neediest of all the animals. A horse is born and gets up and walks independently on the day that it's born, whereas a human infant can't even lift her head independently. And so when you think about that just from a survival perspective, it doesn't make as much sense. But when you think about it from a relationship perspective, it all starts to make sense, because that is where relationship begins is by having a need that something outside of you must meet. And so I draw this as a circle, and at the top, at the 12 o'clock hour, I'm going to write the word need. So infants are born needing everything. They cannot do anything on their own right, and their role in this cycle is really simple. It's the first thing they typically do when they're born they cry.

Elizabeth Pennington Happy Camper Therapy: 6:16

So up at the 12 o'clock hour, I'm also going to write cry. And so the infant has a need which, as we all know who've raised babies they're constant, every two hours, all the way through the night. They can't go without you for any extended period of time, because this is beginning that pre-wiring for their future. And when they cry. We have over here at the three o'clock hour, the word proximity. So proximity is referring to the primary caregiver being available and capable to hear the cry, to care about the cry and then to respond to meet that need. And so down at the six o'clock hour I'm going to write the words need met. So it is important that that need is met within the context of a relationship, a consistent relationship, because that's where, over here at the nine o'clock hour, trust is formed. So now I trust that when I cry, this person that I depend on is going to care and going to hear me and respond and meet my needs. So what am I going to do the next time I have a need? We're going to go back up to the top of the cycle and cry again. And so they go through this cycle thousands of times, all through the night, crying and being met with a caregiver who can take care of their needs. So some things are going to be happening in us physiologically while this is going on.

Elizabeth Pennington Happy Camper Therapy: 7:46

So on the side over here, we call the first half of the cycle the distress side. This is where the excitatory neurotransmitters are firing up in your brain. These are the things that drive you to get attention, get your need met. Your autonomic nervous system is also in gear. So this is like the gas pedal that revs up your heart rate, increases your breathing, all of those things that are driven to get your, get attention and to get your need met. And then, on the other half, after the need is met, get your need met. And then, on the other half, after the need is met, is the calming side. So on the calming side you have the inhibitory neurotransmitters that wash over the brain, tell you that you're safe, that you're cared for, that it's okay to relax and to rest. And then your parasympathetic kicks in at the brake pedal that tells your heart rate to slow down and your muscles to relax. And I call that like the drunken baby that's just totally surrendered and at peace, trusting in your arms that you're going to care for them.

Elizabeth Pennington Happy Camper Therapy: 8:48

And as you're going through that cycle, that's also physiologically the pre-wiring for mental health, for you to have the ability to regulate and to remain balanced. It also is establishing your sense of identity and worth. My crime matters and I have value. And so when that happens in the ideal setting, in the perfect world that no one lives in, then you develop a secure attachment style. Attachment style Secure attachment has strength in my identity, strength in my capacity and physiologically has a regulated, well-balanced person.

Elizabeth Pennington Happy Camper Therapy: 9:30

Most people have various versions of this that are not ideal, and so if you were to imagine this whole comfort side, where the need is met, were not to happen consistently or was not to happen in a way that developed trust, then you're missing that calming side of the cycle and you then start to question whether my voice matters, whether I can depend on anyone else. And then we switch gears out of relational into survival, and when we're in survival mode, we have this amazing capacity to adapt and to develop a way to be okay. And this would be the infant who is starting to create a way to be okay without depending on another adult. And so the way those are formed they're called insecure attachment styles. There's three of them, and they're just different ways of trying to create that security for yourself.

Elizabeth Pennington Happy Camper Therapy: 10:28

So if I imagine that as an infant, you've got one infant who says I don't know if you're going to come, I don't know if you're going to meet my need, so I'm going to make sure I can take care of myself completely on my own, and this would grow into an adult attachment style that's referred to as avoidant so if I don't feel emotion, I don't need you to help me handle my emotions, and if I don't have needs, I won't cry and be rejected. And so these become very independent, confident, honestly, in our society I think we value people that have this presentation. They can get a lot done and be very productive, but it's very difficult to feel connected, to feel known and to feel safe. The second baby says I don't know if you're going to be here, so if I can get my hands on you, I'm going to grab on and not let go and I'm going to try to take as much as I can. I'm going to be very emotional, kind of the opposite of how do I get your attention, how do I fight for what I need out of you?

Elizabeth Pennington Happy Camper Therapy: 11:32

And so that grows into what's called an ambivalent adult attachment style and these tend to be seen as anxious, emotional, dramatic and really they're just trying to get their needs met and they're trying to find ways to get those needs met through other people and they don't have the same sense of safety and security that you could have in a balanced, secure attachment. And then you have the last one that is disorganized, and this is often the case for infants who experienced violence, abuse, traumatic experiences, where your caregiver, who you're driven to turn to to meet your needs, is also the person that harms you and that creates a lot of confusion, and neither one of the first two insecure styles I mentioned is sufficient for that. You have to be able to switch between both, and so in order to switch between both, it comes out seeming kind of chaotic. You get a lot of a push pull, so I need you, why aren't you here? Get away from me, you're scary, I don't want to have people in my life, right? And you get the push pull going on, and so you can imagine that that would be really confusing for people with a relationship.

Elizabeth Pennington Happy Camper Therapy: 12:45

So those attachment styles are set in place by 18 months old and they will remain the same unless there's a dramatic intervention that changes them. So you could have a securely attached infant who experiences a trauma, a rupture in their relationship later in life and they then develop an insecure attachment style. And you can also have individuals who are coming with insecurity, and that's really what I focus on is helping them heal that insecurity and have what we call earn secure to where they're able to operate out of that security. And we do that by repeating the cycle, and that's pretty much what therapy is in general, no matter what your modality is. Your client comes to you, they cry, you're there, you care, you respond, and now they feel like they can trust somebody. And now we've started the process of rewiring their system towards a state of security within relationship.

Marta Hamilton TeleWellness Hub: 13:43

You're so right. That was like a mind-blowing moment when thinking about that just relationally, how important that therapeutic relationship is and in therapy you're so right in that it's fostering that attachment style. I I'm wondering then, when you when it looks like so you have the avoidant, the ambivalent, the disorganized, and then secure and those are under the insecure and typically it's established by 18 lives of people come to you to come to hopefully have some kind of intervention to go towards a secure sense of attachment. So does that typically start? Do you typically work with parents first? Because I'm picturing, you know we look at kids so much and their attachment styles, but I'm imagining there's work to do for parents first to examine their own attachment, either styles or how they can show up to foster this trust and secure relationship in their own children?

Elizabeth Pennington Happy Camper Therapy: 14:45

Yeah, absolutely. I mean, you can't give what you haven't received. It can be really frustrating to give parents, so I do something called trust-based relational intervention, which is an empowering program that equips parents to facilitate attachment interactions with their children, moving towards attachment security with their children. But I'm often asking them to do things that they've never experienced themselves and they don't have that capacity to give because they haven't received. And so oftentimes I do recommend for parents to be receiving their own attachment focus therapy to address their own attachment styles and then equip them to provide that for their children.

Marta Hamilton TeleWellness Hub: 15:29

You know you brought up, you know looking for attachment focus therapy. What are for people listening who are thinking, ok, this is me, I want to lean towards a secure attachment style or foster that in my children, or even look at it in my relationship with my partner, cause that's huge, I'm sure too. I mean, I'm seeing that kind of come up. I'm I'm wondering what are some things for people to look out for in terms of credentialing or training the therapist who's done attachment focused or who has attachment focused therapy options and interventions?

Elizabeth Pennington Happy Camper Therapy: 16:03

Yeah, Well, if they've been to trainings, I've been able to equip them with that. That's kind of my focus is creating even just an awareness that if you've participated in a training through Apollo Center for Training and Supervision, then you have had that emphasis throughout. But most people are listing it at this point, and so you can see that if you're on psychology today, that's one of the options that can be included is attachment-focused therapy.

Marta Hamilton TeleWellness Hub: 16:35

Okay, great. Yeah, just so that people know that, with so many acronyms that exist in our field, I always want to make sure that listeners find the right fit. But yes, I know I was because. Do you offer this for people out in trainings, for people outside of clinicians, or do you focus especially for other therapists or maybe community helpers? Who do you typically provide trainings and workshops for?

Elizabeth Pennington Happy Camper Therapy: 17:12

Yeah, that's a great question, I would say at this point in my career, I had previously offered parent workshops. There's other practitioners that are doing that well, and so I'm not doing that myself anymore. I primarily am providing trainings for the clinicians because I needed to multiply this impact. I just I can't really meet with the number of people who need the help and so and really off of your question, that's a part of what is inspiring me to develop something new in the training world where people can know, if you've been to, my shorter acronym is X, the X trainings. Then you are going to have this combination of attachment focused. We're going to have play therapy and EMDR and then also a focus on spirituality, and so then the referrals that I'm sending out are to people they can feel confident are equipped in those ways as well.

Marta Hamilton TeleWellness Hub: 18:12

That sounds like an amazing combination. Just as a therapist, I think that's an amazing combination of tools and skill set to have. That's amazing.

Elizabeth Pennington Happy Camper Therapy: 18:23

Yeah, Thank you. I really want to multiply that, multiply the impact. I would say if you're ever looking for a therapist, you can also look for a registered play therapist, because registered play therapists are going to have an extra understanding of developmental needs and even when we're working with adult clients, we're almost going back in time and we're treating their child's self and so having the tools and the resources of a registered play therapist just has a different level of insight into where the wounding is taking place and how to reach into there and heal. I would also recommend EMDR certified therapists of insight into where the wounding is taking place and how to reach into there and heal. I would also recommend EMDR certified therapists. Emdr not just EMDR trained. Honestly, I would say EMDR certified has taken the extra step of consultation to really be equipped and hopefully we're seeing an increase in attachment focused EMDRined therapists. There isn't a credential or a label for that that. I could say look for that, but it is definitely growing within the EMDR community.

Marta Hamilton TeleWellness Hub: 19:26

Those are great suggestions. Thank you so much because I do wonder for parents who are looking at what are some practical ways or tips that parents can help foster secure attachment for their children. You know they're listening to this and they're thinking OK, here's some tips that I can do to help foster my kids leaning towards a more secure attachment style.

Elizabeth Pennington Happy Camper Therapy: 19:53

Well, starting with, this image is pretty valuable. This is part of why I take the time to draw it out. I love that cycle.

Marta Hamilton TeleWellness Hub: 20:00

Yes, yes, and if you're listening, check it out on YouTube if you want to see the image.

Elizabeth Pennington Happy Camper Therapy: 20:05

Yes, and just seeing that visual, that when you hear your child cry, you're that caregiver that is close and available and cares and can respond to meet the need.

Elizabeth Pennington Happy Camper Therapy: 20:16

That is so easy to say and it's easy for me to do for 45 to 50 minutes once a week, but for parents to be doing this consistently all day, every day, it's exhausting, it's a lot, it's a lot to ask, and so don't expect perfection out of yourself. Just move towards that. Be mindful of the desire to respond when they cry, to the desire to meet their needs. And you know, maybe being aware of some of the limitations and reservations that we culturally place based on age. So if you find yourself saying you're too old for that, you don't need help for that anymore Just being aware that every time they need you and you're able to respond, you are running through that cycle, creating another layer of security, and what typically will happen is, once they reach that security, they will naturally launch into more independent behaviors. We don't have to push them as much as our culture might encourage. So hear them when they cry, be mindful of your presence, your desire to care for them and then find the best way to respond to meet that need.

Marta Hamilton TeleWellness Hub: 21:27

Being mindful to and looking at your desire. I loved when you said that, just examining your desire to be there to respond. I have daughters that are older now and I have twins and they're nine, and what you pointed out just so true. When they're younger and they're crying and you know there are alarms going off in your body to go help, um help with their crying. But what? As they get older, it's so easy to fall back into them being more independent and I can speak for myself maybe distractibility, like on my phone I'm just picturing that's a way of of what maybe not being present, not being able to turn to their, their need because, okay, hold on, I just have to respond to this email real quick, or you know, whatever it may be, I imagine those are big distraction or difficulty for parents when it when. I wonder if there's any studies. This is kind of a side question, but I wonder if there's any studies.

Marta Hamilton TeleWellness Hub: 22:19

This is kind of a side question, but I wonder if there are any studies on on phones and technology.

Elizabeth Pennington Happy Camper Therapy: 22:25

I'd be right. Yes, definitely, and you know. That prompts me to think of a second practical tool is to be thinking about connecting before correcting. And how many touch points do you have? Am I connecting with you? Just through my voice? Like you don't see my eyes because I'm looking at my phone, you're not having my body language because I have postures towards the phone, all you have is my voice connecting and saying come here, do this, stop that right, the things that we're going to correct as a parent. So if I can increase those touch points and connect with my eyes, connect with my body, connect with my voice and then lead into the correction, it's actually going to make parents' lives easier too. You will not have to say it 10 times if you're able to have that strong connection before you give instruction, before you're giving correction.

Marta Hamilton TeleWellness Hub: 23:17

I love that. The touch points and being mindful of the touch points it's such a helpful practical tip. I feel like I have so many questions for you. I know we're getting close to time. I'm going to have to do a training. I think is what we determined Before I hit record. We realized we're not too far from each other so I actually have the opportunity for an in-person training. But if I were to, if you were to offer some practical tips for individuals who realize that for themselves you know, I myself, whether you're a parent or not, or whether you see things come up with your, with your partners or at work or with friendships say you know what I'm seeing, that I have an insecure attachment style, whether it be the avoidant or the ambivalent or disorganized. Of course, going to therapy could be a beneficial step. What are some other just kind of practical tips for things to be aware of or mindful of, like you offered with the parenting? Yeah.

Elizabeth Pennington Happy Camper Therapy: 24:16

So I think it is helpful to identify your own attachment style. There's tons of resources available online. I mean, my teenagers came to me, didn't even know that I focused on attachment. My teenager comes and says Mom, I think I have an avoidant attachment style. I learned about this on TikTok so you can find information out there and know which way you lead.

Elizabeth Pennington Happy Camper Therapy: 24:38

And so then that helps you be more aware of what is your stress response going to be.

Elizabeth Pennington Happy Camper Therapy: 24:43

And being aware of that automatic response, even if you're not intentionally trying to change it yet, just being aware of it and noticing it, will prompt some change. You'll notice self coming back towards center. So if I know that my tendency is to be dismissive and to push aside emotions, to minimize my partner's emotions, I can be aware of that and notice as stressful situations are coming up, if I'm moving away from or towards the person that I'm in relationship with. And then if I know that I tend to be more on the anxious, the ambivalent side, then I can be take, take a few more breaths before I respond. I can seek to find a sense of calm before I reach out, so that you're reaching out out of a place of connection and not reaching out out of a place of anxiety and you'll notice that people in your life will respond differently. The people in your life will respond differently, that changing that dynamic of what you're sending out is going to change the dynamic of what you then receive from the, from the people around you.

Marta Hamilton TeleWellness Hub: 25:46

Incredible. Yeah, those are really great suggestions. I really appreciate it. How can people connect with you if they want to schedule an appointment, or whether virtual or through your Sprinter van, or connect for some trainings? What's the best way that people can get in touch?

Elizabeth Pennington Happy Camper Therapy: 26:02

Yeah Well, my website is happycampertherapycom and my training website is actstherapistcom. My email is info at happycampertherapynet.

Marta Hamilton TeleWellness Hub: 26:18

Wonderful. Thank you so much. I really appreciate it. Thank you so much, Elizabeth, for being a part of our wellness journey. Thanks for having me.