Self-Care for First Responders & Community Heroes with Christina Walker, MS, LPC-S (Accepting New Clients Who Reside In TX)

Ever wondered how to maintain your well-being while juggling the demands of being a first responder or an educator? Join us as we welcome Christina Walker, a licensed professional counselor from Texas, who transitioned from elementary school teaching to specializing in counseling military families, first responders, and veterans. Christina reveals the immense pressures and burnout faced by educators and first responders, especially during the COVID-19 pandemic, and shares practical and profound insights on the importance of self-care. Listen to her discuss how self-care is not just a trendy term but a vital practice that can sustain the crucial roles these community helpers play in our society.

Through this enlightening conversation, you'll learn about the role of yoga in managing stress, recognizing the physiological signs of anxiety, and the significance of instilling self-care habits in children. Christina also explains how self-care is pivotal in maintaining healthy romantic relationships, emphasizing mutual support and communication. As we wrap up, Christina underscores the necessity of prioritizing your needs and finding a supportive community.

For those looking to connect with her, visit her website, www.counselingwithchristina.com,
or her Facebook page, "A Great Day and Better Tomorrow, Counseling." 

Don't miss this episode for valuable lessons on sustaining well-being and fostering genuine connections.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:05

Welcome, friends, to the Telewoundness Hub podcast, a space where listening is not just an act, it's an act of self-care. I'm Marna Hamilton, your host, and today you are listening in to my chat with licensed professional counselor based out of Texas, Christina Walker. Her drive to becoming a therapist was a long one and began as an elementary school teacher and later a school counselor. She had a unique perspective as a military wife and it led to her passion in helping spouses, military members, first responders and veterans. Welcome, Christina. Hi there, Glad to be here. Yeah, I'm so excited and I want to dive into a little bit about what we're talking about before we hit record. Christina has a really wonderful background with a lot of experience and knowledge and training, and I think we're going to learn a lot about what it looks like to be a first responder and self-care. And before we dive into that, since we heard a little bit about what she's done, what's led her here, I want to dive into the why. Why do you do the wellness work that you do?

Speaker 2: 1:11

Well, it started whenever I became a teacher and I didn't really feel really well equipped. You know, we go through all the training, we go through student teaching, we go into the student loan debt and we try to do the best we can and I just didn't feel really well equipped. So I went back to school to get my school counseling degree and I needed some additional classes and, through prodding some professors and encouragement from them, I went on and got my LPC and I also got my marriage and family and I took extra classes for that. And so when I was in the school system as a school counselor, I still felt this drive to do more, and so COVID hit and then 2020,. I decided to go through the training to become a supervisor and utilize my teaching experience, and I just want to give back in the field that you know I feel very passionate about.

Speaker 1: 2:09

So that's amazing. You know, it's interesting how COVID caused so many shifts for so many people in different ways, and it sounds like you've always been in a helping, community helper role, from teaching to then counseling and as a licensed marriage and family therapy perspective, and now you're a helper. It's like so many layers, like a meta helper, a helper helping other helpers yeah, as a first responders and and just your, your background, I'm sure, has really served, really served you working with children in the schools. There's a lot of burnout with teachers that I have been recently reading about. I'm curious. I know it's a little bit different than kind of the first responders, but they're community helpers and they've been under a lot of pressure since COVID. Also, they had to adapt a lot.

Speaker 2: 3:14

I'm wondering do you ever work with educators or within the teaching system? Not enough of them and there's a constant shortage. I don't know about your area, but I know in this area particular there's a huge shortage and, and you know, it's unfortunate because we're seeming to lose really great teachers and I think that comes down to this, that self-care. Like you know, they're being pulled in so many different directions that I sometimes think they are the super hard on themselves perspective. They have to be 100% all the time, not allowed to have a bad day. And so I just remember being a teacher and feeling just pulled in so many different directions, and I think that a lot of parents recognize the you know burnout and the need for really great teachers and having to do it themselves. I think that it showed a lot of different perspectives and a lot of gratitude towards teachers now. So that's been helpful, I think.

Speaker 1: 4:15

Oh, absolutely, covid hit when my daughters were, I guess, in kindergarten. They had just started, so they were just starting their educational journey and I was just so blown away and impressed by the way that teachers adapted and I thought there is no way that I could do this. I mean, I always had a lot of respect for teachers and have a lot of friends and family that work in the education system, but it was, it really just opened, I think, a lot of eyes for when you have firsthand experience as to the amount of patience, planning, organization that teachers bring, it was just incredible just to even see how, when we transitioned to virtual, how they adapted. It was just. I was just in awe, honestly, and I imagine that that led to increased burnout.

Speaker 1: 5:19

Like you said, there is a lot of. There is a shortage in a lot of Texas. I know we're both in Texas, but I think when you mentioned that self-care thing, I it's interesting because there's self-care can be such a buzzword. We think like spa, we think you know, bubble bath. I think it's. It's so hard sometimes to find time or even come up with examples of self-care. There's times that I've asked clients like what are some examples of self-care that you can provide yourself and sometimes people can identify it. So, in your work, what have you seen are some of the challenges when it comes to first responders or community helpers in tapping into that self-care or being able to have the time or resources for it?

Speaker 2: 6:11

I think a lot of times that, especially with helpers, they seem to feel that they don't maybe deserve to give themselves that self-care, like they need to be there on the front lines and they're doing it all for others and so much of giving themselves that they forget that they also need to put the mask on themselves first to be able to bring your best self efforts. But oftentimes I feel like that they're perfectionist by nature maybe, and so if they're not given a hundred percent or if they feel like they're a 50, that it's not enough, and so there's this feeling of it's never enough and I don't deserve to prioritize myself, I don't deserve love, and so a lot of my work is just really focusing on that self-care. And self-care is a buzzword, right, it's like it's not a bath, it's not. It's really loving yourself and giving yourself those needs that you are constantly giving other people.

Speaker 2: 7:12

You know, and it's what would you say to a friend? Would you talk to a friend the way that you're talking to yourself? And oftentimes, when you're giving so much and you're a mom and you're you're, you know, taking care of so many people, you might be a wife, you might be. You know, my parents are older and so sometimes they need caregiving and and it's kind of this split down the middle You're taking care of kids or taking care of adults and your, your life's work is taking care of other people. So oftentimes we forget about the most important person, and that's ourselves.

Speaker 1: 7:45

Yes, I love your definition of self, of self-care. I think it's so important to to realize how, how you would speak to your loved ones and speaking to yourself that way and treating yourself that way. What are some examples? For people who are listening and they're like, that's me. You know I'm pulled in all the directions. I am often helping others and I forget to put that mask on. What does putting the mask on yourself look like, would you say? For for people listening who are like I don't even know where to start, when would that? What would that look like? The self care journey? How would, how would they start?

Speaker 2: 8:20

Yeah, I think it's really important to find your people. I just finished reading a book called finding your people, and we have different friends that are like the sagers, right, the listeners, the person who's always going to be there for you. We have our foxhole friends. You know the people that's going to show up no matter what. What do you need? I got it. You know, I'm here.

Speaker 2: 8:53

Covid really put a damper on the word social distancing, like I wish they would have just called it physical distance. We just need to stay away from each other, but we don't need to be socially away from each other, and so I think part of that self-care routine is making plans with your friends. You know you probably got your people with you. We just forget to spend time with them, or we forget to say send a text, how are you? That doesn't mean we have to get together. That doesn't mean we have to, you know, put any more pressure on you. It just means I want to know how you are, genuinely, authentically, I want to be your friend and be here for you. So I think that's the first step, and then the second step is really prioritizing self-care.

Speaker 2: 9:37

You know when was the last time I heard this recent word of an everything shower. When was the last time you did an everything shower? Put the face mask on, shave your legs, you know, put the makeup on, get dressed up even if you're not going anywhere. So when you feel good on the outside, you can feel good on the inside. So I think that's the first step and really giving yourself those attagirls. So you got out of bed today. Awesome, awesome job, you know. Give yourself some accolades for that, because sometimes just getting out of bed, you know making your bed each day. I never used to make my bed and then I read that book and listened to that Navy Admiral and now I can't leave my house without making my bed. It's, it's just, it's the first task I need to complete for the day.

Speaker 1: 10:21

So yeah, oh, I love that. I love those suggestions. I you're the first person to ever bring up that distinction of that social distancing versus physical distancing, distinction of that social distancing versus physical distancing. Power of words are so powerful and what an important thing to know.

Speaker 1: 10:40

I think a lot of people I recently read the statistics on how isolated people feel. People feel lonelier than ever, and so what a way to prioritize self-care through connection. Finding your people, like you said, even if it's a text, just to say how are you doesn't have to mean like we're going to make plans now this weekend and have to schedule it, but just connection. I like that. And prioritizing your self-care with an everything shower, because it's true, we're in a hurry, a lot that even choosing to utilize all the products you might have on your counter and investing in just kind of sit there by the wayside because you might feel like you don't have time for those self-care items, that's so good. What? What do you find? Since you know you have this clinical background, I'd love for you to share a little bit about the effects of self-care on the body, on the mind, on the spirit. Uh, especially for those who are in in flight or fight mode, uh, like these first responders or service members or just people who are on the go, you know.

Speaker 2: 11:55

Often, you know, like you mentioned, mind, body, spirit, and oftentimes when we're going through stressful situations, our nervous system is being affected. Our limbic system is constantly in fight or flight mode. So if you find yourself trying to run away from problems, not wanting to confront things head on, or if you find yourself not wanting to make commitments to people because you don't want to break them, you know those are some signs that maybe your nervous system is a little bit overly active. So when we can take a minute, you know our mind, body, spirit, you know all of our bucket is full of anxiety we're not able to balance out, like you know. I know you're into yoga, so I love yoga and yoga has taught me how to balance all of those different things and just in a pose. And so when you can take that into your daily life and realize, oh my gosh, I'm on, and especially with first responders and things like that, they're constantly in that fight or flight mode. They don't give their brain a chance to slow down.

Speaker 2: 13:09

Hence hypertension, high cholesterol, your blood pressure, you know. You know I wear a Fitbit so it tells me what my heart rate is and I can tell if I'm getting overly anxious or, and that really helps me. It even has a button that I can push and it says relax. So it just has me do some breathing techniques and so just really being super aware of your body, like you know, recognizing when my heart's beating faster or when you notice your hands clenching up. Is there something that, because that is a warning sign in your brain saying something's wrong, something is off here and I'm having to send more blood to the rest of your body digestive problems and you know all kinds of problems that can occur later with signs of anxiety and I'm so glad you bring it up because I think sometimes we don't realize like our body is sending us messages.

Speaker 1: 14:06

Sometimes that's the first thing that captures our attention before that awareness of maybe some thoughts that we're having. And, like you mentioned, with anxiety, there's such a physiological response. Everyone's is different but having that awareness of what's going on in your body is really helpful to put into action some self-care and obviously like seeing a therapist and things like that and speaking with your medical provider, of course. But I think so often, as we mentioned before, self-care can be like this buzzword. But really self-care is important for our physical health. It's not like a momentary thing. It can really have long-lasting effects if we ignore, if we ignore ourselves. And I'm wondering you mentioned I know you work your background, working a lot with kids and being in the school system. What about for, maybe, parents listening? I know this is a step away from first responders, but what about for parents listening some signs for their kids that maybe we need to? You know, just maybe there are some signs that we might need to teach them about self-care.

Speaker 2: 15:26

Sure sure, I think that's a great question and I noticed when kids seem a little bit more clingy at times. Maybe they need a little bit more attention at times and I know parents are busy with their own life, you know, got things going on. But just even taking a second to check in, you know it looks like you're feeling a little bit sad. I get sad sometimes also, and you know when mommy gets sad I like to go take a bath or maybe I'll just lay in bed and cry a little bit or read a story or listen to music. Is there something that may be helpful to you? Because kids don't have the vocabulary to be able to express I'm sad, I'm well. They know three I'm happy, sad or glad.

Speaker 2: 16:12

However deeper rooted emotions. They feel them, but they don't know how to express them. So if they're lashing out, or maybe they're picking on their sibling right, or maybe they're getting in trouble at school and maybe they're not getting in trouble at school, maybe they're just a little more quiet than they usually are, so anything that might be kind of like a I don't want to say red flag, but it might be just an alert that something is off. You know, trust your instincts.

Speaker 2: 16:38

Parents have amazing instincts with their kids and sometimes they overlook it or think that if they bring it up maybe that will make them feel sad if they bring it up. But they want to hear that from you and they want to see how you deal with your emotions, because they're a sponge, you know they hear and take in everything. So that can be really helpful at times. And it can also be a challenge, because if they see you're overwhelmed and stressed, you know anxiety is contagious, so they're going to feel it. So if they see you coming home and relaxing and taking the time just unplugging for five minutes five, 10 minutes, you know spending with your kids that means a lot to them five, 10 minutes, you know, spending with your kids, that means a lot to them.

Speaker 1: 17:27

I love that you bring that up, just the power of modeling and just implementing it. It truly is that mask, right, you know, on the airplane I'd say, before you put on your children, put it on yourself. So really, just it's. It's. I think people often feel guilt. I'm speaking for moms. You know the mom guilt, you know, if I go, then I, you know, should I even walk by myself when I should be bringing my kids, you know, and having them? There's a lot of, there's a lot of mom guilt. But it's a good reminder to hear from from you, an expert in this area, that it is truly like that mask. You have to put it on yourself and not only will that help you in your decision-making, your parenting, your physical health, to be there, a little longevity of showing up for your family, but even also to model for your and teach it's a teaching moment for your kids how to show up for them.

Speaker 1: 18:19

How do you see self-care play out a role in romantic relationships because, um, I know that sometimes it doesn't necessarily come. I think there's a priority with, like, okay, date night. Is that like self-care or, um, I don't know if you ever come, if you ever see that come up when it comes with relationships, with your background and with marriage and family in terms of a dialogue. How would you recommend for people listening, how can they bring it up in conversation? Just this concept of self-care, because sometimes you, it's easy to see our partner needs to slow down. Right, typically, we see it in our partners more than ourselves Like our partner needs to slow down. I wish they'd take a break or they're, you know they're always on like work mode, like how is a way to kind of approach that, maybe gently, in a productive, constructive?

Speaker 2: 19:12

I love that idea of checking in with your partner more than you check in with yourself. When you're in a relationship, you know how you're feeling. So what if your partner came home and you know you had been at home all day, you know with the kids or whatever and your partner comes home and instead of saying, you know, I had a bad day, also, I had a long day at work you know what if you checked in more with your partner and said, gosh, you look really tired. Can I rub your feet before we go to bed, after we put the kids to bed, can we watch a movie tonight? I really want to just spend some time with you and just, you know, be with you today. I missed you today.

Speaker 2: 19:49

You know what would that feel like? Instead of you both kind of almost in this competition of how hard it is, because if you're arguing and nobody wins, right? So if the relationship's not winning, nobody's winning, you know. So if they what did they say? The person who's arguing the most or says the most is the most guilty, right? So just getting back to like that idea, just checking in more, like gosh, you look really busy today. I noticed that you were just running around. Would it be helpful to take a walk? I think I'm going to take a walk today. Would you like to join me? You know, it's not selfish to have self-care and it's not selfish to invite somebody else into your self-care.

Speaker 1: 20:31

Oh, I love that. What a great way to put it as an invitation and just reflection. You bring up such a good point, the two different kind of entrances into the home and what an amazing, just like that shift, just that shift and just being aware and acknowledging and coming up with an offering for self-care or caring for each other. What a difference that can make. What about for someone who I feel like I'm diving into all the self-care, all things, all things self-care. But what about an approach for you know, if we, if we know someone, we have a friend, a family, a loved one, a partner who is a service member or a first responder, how can we show up for them? That's, I think, that's the, you know, we think like Starbucks, it's like first responder of free coffee day, but how can we show up for them with that same intentionality and kind of empathy, compassion and in taking into mind, loving on them, caring for them and facilitating that self-care?

Speaker 2: 21:39

I think gratitude is amazing and just showing them gratitude is awesome. And oftentimes first responders nurses, doctors, frontline people they don't need a lot.

Speaker 2: 21:53

And even just what can I do to help you, instead of let me know if you need anything. They oftentimes don't need a lot. And even just how. What can I do to help you? Instead of let me know if you need anything, they oftentimes don't know what they need, right. So if you just show up and say, hey, can I do your a load of laundry for you? Hey, I brought you dinner. Hey, I sent you door dash Like I just sent you some food, cause it looked like you know, I don't know what's going on with you, cause maybe they don't share those things.

Speaker 2: 22:16

Oftentimes in first responders it's actually re-traumatic to be able to talk about the trauma that they go through. They have to go through that trauma all over again, so oftentimes they just it sits within. So anything that you can do to help them, just let it out in healthy ways, just listening. Oftentimes we want to fix or we want to try to make it better for them, or oftentimes there's this comparison trap that we can get into or, like especially with helpers, we tend to think, oh well, I don't have as bad as they do or I don't need to complain because, gosh, they're going through something so terrible. You're also going through something and that's okay, to feel all the feelings, and so I think really just trying to anticipate their needs is really really helpful.

Speaker 1: 23:07

Yeah, you bring up some really good points. The power of gratitude is so, so strong and I'm sure even utilizing that for yourself too, like looking at strong, and I'm sure even utilizing that for yourself to like looking at at that and and and just sharing appreciation and communicating that for for others. I love that, especially because you know you mentioned, if people are in that flight, fight or freeze and they may not know what they need, they may not be there, maybe trying to just process and kind of regulate and how, how nice to offer something very concrete to help them get there right, like here's a meal, here's just gratitude. Here I'm doing this for you. Just one, one less thing. I really love that.

Speaker 1: 23:50

So, especially when you said you finding your people prioritizing, prioritizing your self-care and just communicating and I love that you emphasize it's not selfish I think you know it's not selfish to practice self-care when it comes to um, to everyday life. It's it's an important thing and the effects of of self-care, how it can be helpful for us and what happens if we neglect it. I think you bring up so many amazing points. How can people I know you're in the Dallas area how can people connect with you? What's the best way?

Speaker 2: 24:30

My website is wwwcounselingwithchristinacom and from there you can send me an email. You can follow me on Facebook at a great day and better tomorrow, counseling. I have a Facebook page and so those are the best ways through those sources.

Speaker 1: 24:49

Okay, great, I love that name. A great day and better tomorrow. I love that. Well, thank you so much, christina, for joining us and for your insight about self-care all things self-care and for being a part of our wellness journey today Wonderful, thank you for having me.