The Power of Slowing Down: Samantha Tomer on Addressing Trauma and Reclaiming Self-Care in a Tech-Driven World

What if the constant hustle you're so proud of is actually masking deeper, uncomfortable feelings? Join me, Marta Hamilton, as I sit down with licensed professional counselor Samantha Tomer to unearth the significance of intentional deceleration for your physical, mental, and emotional well-being. Learn why slowing down can be transformative, especially for those grappling with trauma and high anxiety. Samantha shares her passion for witnessing client growth and healing, providing us with profound insights into how the relentless pace of modern life often acts as a coping mechanism, and how intentional slowing down can lead to genuine self-care.

But that's not all—we also tackle the ever-present role of technology in our lives, particularly for high achievers and entrepreneurs. Balancing technology use and the need to slow down can be a paradox, and Samantha offers practical tips for setting boundaries with your devices. From apps that block distractions to personal anecdotes on social media struggles, discover actionable strategies that replace the dopamine hit from screens with more meaningful experiences. Plus, learn the most effective ways to connect with Samantha for professional inquiries, empowering you to manage your schedule and choose what works best for you. Tune in for a conversation that promises to change the way you approach your fast-paced life.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:05

Welcome, friends, to another episode of the Telewellness Hub podcast, a space where listening is not just a simple passive act, it's an act of self-care. I'm Marta Hamilton, your host, and today you are listening in to my chat about slowing down with licensed professional counselor Samantha Tomer. Samantha has her master's in counselor education and is licensed in Pennsylvania, new Jersey, florida, south Carolina, vermont and Delaware, reaching many clients throughout the United States, and just I'm really grateful. Thank you so much, samantha, for joining and for sharing your wisdom and insight as to a really hard topic, ironically enough, which is slowing down.

Speaker 1: 0:50

Yeah, thank you for having me fascinated by the work that you're doing, because in this hustle and bustle life, I think there's a lot of value to going for your goals and working really hard and being structured. But there's something really beautiful about slowing down and not just like in a self-care, take a bubble bath kind of slowing down, but in truly slowing down for your physical, mental and emotional health. So, before we dive into what that looks like and how we as, or the listeners and we all, can apply some of the concepts and tools into our daily life and the benefits of slowing down, do you mind sharing with us a little bit about why you do the wellness work that you do.

Speaker 2: 1:47

Sure. So, and forgive me, I am getting over being sick, so I have a little bit of a cough, but I do this work because I really enjoy seeing people grow and heal and I think we've all been touched by trauma in some way, shape or form, and that's, you know. In addition to slowing down, that's one of my specialty areas and I've really grown to love it and it's hard work, but I love seeing the growth in clients and being there to support and validate and listen to them and be that shoulder that people need to lean on when times are hard, whatever that looks like. So that's a very, very general gist, but that's why I do this.

Speaker 1: 2:40

That's incredible. Yeah, the intro is always really really cool and sharing the what, what do you do, who do you see, when do you work, and that why I think there's so much value in that and I'm sure, with the trauma work that you do and specialize in, having a shared space and time to be intentional and mindful in a session is such a gift. I'm sure I'm not a trauma specialist at all, but I'm imagining just having that time and space to slow down in session and really make sense of the challenges and the growth and the healing. I think that's such a wonderful gift and I'm sure it's incredible to experience it from the therapist perspective. So I think when people come to you, clearly you know it sounds like there's reasons why people might want to slow down.

Speaker 1: 3:41

It sounds like it's trauma typically, something that people come to you with and do people who have experienced varying degrees of trauma do they? Do you find that that kind of I don't want to say warrants but lends itself to a reason to even more, to be even more intentional about slowing down the pace To people who have experienced trauma. Is there a benefit to slowing down Just because we've looked at a lot of tools? Obviously there's a lot of tools, but is that something that you specifically coincide and really benefit people who have experienced trauma?

Speaker 2: 4:21

I mean I'm probably a little bit biased and I think, yes, but I also think I'm attracting clients who also inherently feel that way. I see so many. I work with a lot of high achieving, like type A type of people and you know that's the hustle and everyone's kind of moving at just a crazy pace and a lot of anxiety. So I work with more anxiety. I mean, depression and stuff is there as well but with the higher anxiety, I think is this natural kind of balancing act of slowing down, because especially with the high-achieving type A hustlers who are maybe working a couple of jobs or who are entrepreneurs or whatever it may be, that you're kind of always going and one of those solutions to reducing that anxiety is actually slowing down.

Speaker 2: 5:17

And I mean there's so much more that that's putting it very simply. But I think that's kind of the you know the yin and yang of it all of. Okay, well, on this one hand I'm going, going, going all the time, my thoughts are racing, that kind of stuff, and then okay, well, how do I combat that? Well, let's, let's try and slow down a little bit. So I definitely see that as a need and something that is helpful. But again, I think I'm. Those are the kinds of clients that I tend to work with more often. Are those type of anxious hustlers and going all the time.

Speaker 1: 5:51

High achievers. Well, even if those people are walking into a session with you, what are some of the challenges that you see that those clients face in slowing down and slowing down the pace of the high achieving and goal setting? And, like you mentioned, the high achievers, the entrepreneurs?

Speaker 2: 6:11

Mm-hmm. I think the biggest thing is that that's how they've coped. So finding a new way of coping because slowing down often feels super uncomfortable when you are so busy, so much of the time, that it's masking all those uncomfortable feelings. It's an escape. When you do intentionally slow down, you actually have to face those thoughts, those feelings. I did the same thing. I think that's why I work really well with this population is that I was working three jobs at one point and I would pick up shifts at a second job. To you know, especially if I was stressed, it was like, okay, well, this will make me not feel stressed anymore. And then, on the flip side, when I was learning to slow down, kind of because I had to, I had to really get real and take care of myself in a very different way than how I was used to.

Speaker 1: 7:03

Well, could you give a little bit of a background, maybe some kind of definition of or explanation of what slowing down looks like in the context of emotional and mental health?

Speaker 2: 7:16

I mean from a very big picture. There's like a whole slow movement and there's so many different categories in that. But I think slowing down from mental and emotional perspective is it's almost hard for me to describe because I can. I can feel it physically and like how I would. It's just hard to talk about, I think. But it's instead of just powering through everything, it is being intentional and sitting down and saying, okay, well, checking in with yourself, how am I feeling? Where is this feeling showing up in my body? What is you know? What am I doing to elicit this? Or how can I, you know, slow down enough to really think about any of these things? Because so often when you're so busy, there isn't room to think or feel. So it's okay, hold on. I need to like, let me break out my feelings real and identify maybe what's happening here and getting a little bit more clear on that. Does that make sense?

Speaker 1: 8:19

Yes, absolutely, because I wonder what are some signs for people listening that they should likely start considering the concept of slowing down, that maybe they would benefit. Like, what are some signs that, okay, things are a little too fast, I might want to slow down?

Speaker 2: 8:37

I think the first one that comes to mind is feeling a little bit lost and like always adding more to your schedule, or just, you know, continuing going, but feeling like there's a void or that something's missing, because to me that means that something's not aligned. And you know we have to in order to even figure out what it is that we're missing. We have to slow down and get like back in touch with ourselves. And even now, when I find myself kind of falling into that same you know pattern of behavior of like being busy all the time, is that I noticed, okay, well, I'm not doing the things that I like anymore, and how do I? I need to take a couple of steps back and revisit that. Is it because you know I'm not interested in these things anymore, whatever? Or do I need to bring more of it back in?

Speaker 2: 9:30

But in order, you know, I think there is some of that like disconnection that occurs and you know, seeking always like the next best thing, but really not connecting at all to it. Um, and just feeling, yeah, disconnected, maybe like something's missing, or you know there's a gap and we can't seem to fill it. And what is? What is that? And it might not need to be filled. It might just be hold on let's. We need to roll back a little bit.

Speaker 1: 10:04

When it comes to looking at that. That's such a good example in terms of looking at why am I not doing the things that I like anymore and do I need to re-examine it? Do I need to prioritize it? Do you have any recommendations when it comes to feeling like you have a grasp of time, Because I think time urgency I think that's part of the kind of stress and anxiety. It's kind of cyclical, Like I feel like I don't have enough time or I have to get this done in a certain amount of time. How do you help or have any recommendations for looking at time, being able to slow down or prioritize your time for slowing down? Do you have any kind of recommendations or tips when it comes to that? I like?

Speaker 2: 10:48

to.

Speaker 2: 10:49

When clients say, well, I don't have enough time or I'm not using my time, I think we're probably it's probably falling into that same pattern of it.

Speaker 2: 11:00

Not, we're doing too many things that aren't aligned and not getting into what people like to say is like flow, because we're distracted, because it's not really aligned with what we want. And then when you are more aligned I think we were like our actions are more in line with our intentions and all of all of that good stuff I think more time opens up because we're we're not waste, we're not wasting it or forcing things that aren't working, and we can say, well, what can I let go of? Like what isn't a priority right now, because guess what? Then that opens up a lot of room and it's really reframing how we're spending time and I do a lot of values work. So I think I also, with clients, look at values and are we doing things that are aligned with our values? And, okay, if that answer is no, then what do we need to change? And most likely there's going to be things that open up and then that time emergency shifts a little bit and we can reframe.

Speaker 1: 12:08

It's so interesting you said that because I wrote down values as you were speaking, because it sounds yeah, that's such an incredible insight. That's the benefit of working with a therapist, right? It's just that perspective of going beyond the surface, like I'm asking okay, how do we look at time, how do we schedule our time, how do we prioritize our time? But looking at it from such a level in the sense of like who am I, my identity, my values and being able to read things in terms of, um, of that perspective, could be so powerful.

Speaker 1: 12:40

I've I've heard this, this quote, that motivation levels can change, right, but if it's something is aligned with our, with our values or our passion, then that's typically a more of a steady propeller moving forward. So sometimes we think, well, am I motivated to do this? But it could change on a day-to-day basis or what our body needs and different things. So I love looking at the core of the values. It's so helpful. What about the balance with technology and slowing down? Obviously, there's so many benefits. There are so many benefits of technology from being able to do telehealth with clients across different places and the availability of resources at our fingertips. I don't know if you've ever looked at that, that balancing act, or if it comes up in sessions with your clients, finding balance, tips for balancing technology and slowing down.

Speaker 2: 13:35

Mm-hmm, it does. All of the time. I've found that technology I mean especially social media, not only for myself but for my clients is such a I'm scrolling, and I'm just scrolling because I'm trying to find something that's going to relieve that anxiety and it actually does the opposite. So I work with clients a lot of times, especially for the people who are coming in, knowing that they need to slow down and that we're like re-evaluate values and if we're in alignment and all that kind of good stuff is that we set a lot of boundaries with technology and only utilizing it at times and you know, something that I use personally and that I've recommended for clients to use are apps that actually block certain applications from being used, because I've noticed especially, you know, going back to not having enough time is I've wasted and I'm going to use my own personal example on this I've wasted so much time scrolling social media when I'm, you know, on the outside, I'm like, well, I don't have enough time to do any of these things, and it's like, well, I just spent 30 minutes on Instagram doing absolutely nothing because I was trying to find something else that would relieve the uncomfortable feeling that I was feeling. So, having something, even if it's external, even if it's another application, that says okay, let's block all of this. If we have to do that, we have to do that, and that's another thing. You know, in a different way, that I've done in my own work was okay. I'm seeing X amount of clients a day, but I'm not getting any of these other tasks done. But I'm in my email all day and I'm not emailing people, I'm just deleting things. So how do I set some boundaries and limits within that? And instead of just checking my email every five minutes? I'm set aside and I'm not perfect by any means at this, but I set times a day where I am checking my email so I can check my email, respond if I need to, and so forth.

Speaker 2: 15:58

So a lot of boundary work with technology, because it's you know, I think it's cool when people are getting going back to flip phones and you know dumb phones and all of that. But the unfortunate thing is is that we we live in it's 2024. And we do have to use phones to communicate and we do lose a lot of that necessity. So I think we can, but I think it just goes back to setting boundaries or, you know, not being on these things all the time and just recognizing where you know like for myself, it was Instagram. I waste so much time on that app. So how do I set boundaries with that for myself? Because I know I want to live my life differently and if I'm sitting on Instagram, I'm not. Again, I'm not in alignment with my values and what is important to me.

Speaker 1: 16:53

I love that you share your own personal experience because I think I can relate on so many levels too. I, you know just, and I love that you bring up the values system because I think I can relate on so many levels too. I, you know just, and I love that you bring up the values system because I think, as I think, this could apply to listeners and, as you mentioned, entrepreneurs. 90% of of of therapists are in private practice, so, in essence, entrepreneurs also. And, uh, I think so often it's hard, when it comes to technology, finding the balance between nurturing your business, feeding your business, being attentive to it through the means of technology, and choosing to be intentional about how you spend your time for your own work-life balance.

Speaker 1: 17:35

I am someone who really, just personally, has had to make an effort to slow down, and I've done that through various different means. But it's a hard balance, right, especially as an entrepreneur, someone who wants to stay connected via technology. And I love that you bring up the fact of yes, you could implement a lot of strategies like flip phones or different things, but boundaries are important and I'm sure it kind of points to the values when you really are intentional and reflect at your value system. It's probably easier to make those boundaries because I'm sure it's very hard initially. Well, I've experienced it. Right, for me, it's the Instagram time limit. And then it's very hard initially. Well, I've experienced it, right, you're like, for me it's the Instagram time limit. And then it's like well, do I ignore it for today? Do I add 15?

Speaker 2: 18:25

minutes. Yeah, I'm guilty, I have this app and it's helped me decrease my time in the morning, which is great, but I'm also still 15 more minutes, 15 more minutes, 15 more minutes when.

Speaker 2: 18:39

I when, when that app isn't in play. So you know, then I have to. I mean, honestly, I should look at okay, when am I actually using this now, cause I fixed the morning, but what else do I need to do? Because I'm still. You know, I have those limits set, but I'm always like, oh, give me 15 more minutes when it kicks me out. Yeah.

Speaker 1: 18:58

Well, it's that dopamine hit.

Speaker 2: 19:01

It's so so hard.

Speaker 1: 19:02

Which brings me, I guess, to my next question. As another way to kind of find that feel good, the serotonin, the dopamine for our brains, Are there any kind of self-care activities or rituals that you find are beneficial on this path and journey towards slowing down?

Speaker 2: 19:25

Mm-hmm. So my practice is also very integrative and, dare I say, holistic. I know people get a little weird when they hear that word, but when we look at the physical body and this is just something that I've found really helpful for myself but then as I've started to learn more about the importance of it and the why and the, the biological piece of it, you know, it all kind of makes sense to me is you know, I love to cook and I got really invested several years ago with you know, I was looking at the food that I was making and waste and things like that, and so I got more interested in like how do I like for lemons, for example? I was like I'm wasting the rinds and I know you can use them, so how do I do things differently in that way? But also paying more attention to the food that I was putting in my body became really important to me, kind of just because I got more interested in cooking. And then I developed an autoimmune disease and so it became a lot more important and then in my work as a therapist, learning a lot more about the gut-brain connection and where serotonin and dopamine is actually created is 80 to 90% of serotonin is created in the gut. 50% of dopamine is created in the gut. So that became really important.

Speaker 2: 20:57

And when you are not buying as much processed foods and you're cooking, it's forcing you to slow down because you can't rush it. You're not just throwing it in the microwave all the time. Of course you can, but you know it is a different process. Um, so that's one thing. And then looking at regulating the nervous system and I'm and this is definitely, I think, going back to what I was saying before with I work.

Speaker 2: 21:28

I work with a lot of people who have a lot of anxiety and what I have found, even in myself and yoga and things like that, is I'm looking and I've always gravitated toward activities that kind of like down, regulate and ground me. And so looking, doing things you know like yoga, or grounding, or getting outside and feeling the sun on my face or taking a bath, all things that kind of force you to slow down, to be honest, and I just found myself gravitated toward those activities and not really connecting the why until much later. But I always wanted to go to a slower yoga class. I always wanted to go for a walk. It was never. I'm very rarely the type of person that needs something to get me going. It's more of the opposite.

Speaker 2: 22:22

So those are some of the things that I talk a lot about with clients and what makes you feel calm, what makes your body feel calm. Not things that I talk a lot about with clients and like what makes you feel calm, what makes your body feel calm not just mentally, because a lot of times I think with you know not only my clients, but myself. Sometimes I can't identify what it is like, the feeling that I'm feeling, but physically I know that I need to slow down or I'm feeling like jittery and up here and how do I bring myself back down?

Speaker 1: 22:48

I'm feeling like jittery and up here and how do I bring myself back down? No, that's really helpful. And I love that you bring up the kind of the science behind even looking at what we're eating and how that plays a role. And I come also from a holistic more dare I say also holistic therapeutic background dare I say also holistic therapeutic background, as I just for myself, I think it drove my practice just what I found beneficial in yoga and decided to pursue the yoga teaching. Being a certified teacher, I think there are so many tools.

Speaker 1: 23:22

I love that you examine individually for a client, because sometimes we just need help. I think, even just as therapists ourselves, it can be hard to kind of examine it on our own right with our perspective. So I love that you offer sounds like just a really supportive environment and evidence-based information, just like you did right now, and like real practical tools and tips. And just I think it's so nice that you also just kind of share your own experience, because I think when, when, when, people are able to find a provider who also has some relatability and has experienced granted, no one's experience is the same, but it just it feels really good to know Um, I think in the world of wellness too.

Speaker 1: 24:06

In the wellness world, sometimes it could feel like everyone else's wellness journey is like picture perfect and it looks like you know, like you mentioned on social media, like this incredible picture perfect path. But I love that you can be sharing this with our listeners, to share your own experience navigating the difficulties. Even knowing all the tips, the tools, the research, sometimes there's just daily life things that are challenging and slowing down. How can people connect with you? For those that want to work with you or reach out to you, what's the best way for them to connect with you?

Speaker 2: 24:43

I'd say that my website is the easiest way. On my website, you can reach out to me. It has my phone number, email, all of that there's. Um, you can send me a message through my website. You can add yourself to my calendar through my website. It's definitely the easiest way to just add yourself somewhere, um, because then you can look at your own schedule and so forth. Um, I do have Instagram and Facebook. I am not very present from a work perspective on there, so if you message me on that, it might take you a while for me to get back to you. So, email or not email, my website is the easiest, quickest way to get in touch.

Speaker 1: 25:22

Okay, awesome, and I'll make sure to include that in our show notes for easy convenient. I love that people can add themselves, look at their own schedule, just kind of looking at empowerment with their time, what works best for them. I love that. But, samantha, thank you so much, thank you. Thank you for having me.