Premarital Coaching, Conflict Resolution, and Deep Dive Couples Counseling for Building a Strong Foundation with Christy Chadwick (Accepting new clients throughout the US & therapy clients in OR and HI)

Unlock the secrets to a thriving marriage with our latest episode featuring marriage and family therapist Christy Chadwick!

Christy is a Marriage and Family Therapist – Intern, Wholistic Wellness, Energy Healer, Yoga Instructor, Mindfulness Practitioner, Certified EFT-tapping Practitioner, Certified Prepare-Enrich Facilitator, and Advocate for the Deaf and Hard of Hearing!

 We promise this conversation will equip you with vital tools to build a solid foundation before saying "I do." Christy passionately discusses the benefits of premarital coaching, emphasizing the importance of reinforcing strengths and clarifying expectations. Learn about the invaluable Prepare and Rich framework that helps couples address critical aspects like communication, conflict resolution, sexual expectations, and household roles.

Curious about the future of couples counseling? Christy delves into the innovative world of deep dive couples counseling, exploring the merits of both individual and group sessions. Discover how virtual group sessions via Zoom can be a cost-effective, accessible alternative while still maintaining privacy and fostering personal connections. We also highlight the transformative power of intensive workshops that incorporate modalities like energy healing, somatic work, and internal family systems, aimed at providing a dedicated space for healing and growth.

Struggling with household conflicts? We’ve got you covered. Christy shares practical strategies for resolving common disputes over chores, including using humor and brainstorming unconventional solutions. The episode underscores the importance of regular check-ins and dedicating time to nurture the relationship. Learn how simple techniques like breathing together and physical touch can regulate emotions and foster a deeper connection. Don't miss the chance to connect with Christy online and continue your relationship wellness journey through her expert guidance!

And the best news! You can connect with Christy today! She is accepting new therapy clients who live in Hawaii and Oregon and can coach clients all over the US! Connect with her today: https://www.christychadwick.com/

On July 27th, 2024 at 1:00pm Hawaii Time, Christy is hosting a 2 hour workshop for couples to do an intimacy practice, looking at the various types of intimacy in their relationship PLUS, they will take the Prepare-Enrich assessment prior to the workshop. 

During the workshop, Christy will cover the assessment broadly and explain the results. Couples will also receive the Prepare-Enrich PDF workbook along with the results from their assessment.   

From there, they will be given a few options.   

Done With You option where couples can sign up for a 2 day (4 hours each day) in-depth feedback sessions to discuss their assessment and go thro

Transcript

Marta Hamilton, LPC (TeleWellness Hub): 0:05

Welcome, friends, to the Telewellness Hub podcast, a space where listening is not just a simple passive act, it's an act of self-care. I'm Marta Hamilton, your host, and today you are listening in to my chat with marriage and family therapist Christy Chadwick. Christy helps engaged couples solidify their foundation and cultivate deeper connections as they prepare for marriage through her premarital coaching programs, both group and individual. As a marriage and family therapist on the island of Maui, she's also an advocate for children who are deaf or hard of hearing and a consultant to professionals in the field of deaf education. She utilizes integrative healing through various modalities of tapping, Reiki, somatic work, mindfulness and yoga. Christy was also a guest of our podcast in season one, so I'm so thrilled to get to talk about this new topic, which we have not talked on this podcast before, which is preparing for marriage. So welcome Christy, Welcome back, Yay.

Christy Chadwick: 1:09

Thank you, glad to be here.

Marta Hamilton, LPC (TeleWellness Hub): 1:11

Yeah, I'm excited to dive into this. For those who haven't listened to your episode in season one, though, could you share a little bit with us about why you do the wellness work that you do? We heard about what kind of wellness work you do, but why. I'm curious to share the why, yeah, the big?

Christy Chadwick: 1:29

why I love helping people. I've learned from a very young age that I like to support people and it's really an honor and a privilege to be in such an intimate space with people's vulnerabilities and their self-expression, and just being able to see those aha moments of when they start to piece things together. That brings them relief and clarity and understanding, either as an individual in their intrapersonal world or interpersonal connection with couples, even individuals who are trying to figure out how they relate with other people. I really love just working with them to figure out how they want to connect, how we can figure out more of our interconnectedness and our closeness and not shy away from it. There's so much anxiety, I think, when it comes to thinking about connecting with other people. And what if we just got closer?

Marta Hamilton, LPC (TeleWellness Hub): 2:31

Yeah, no, I love that because so much we've been talking about people being isolated, people having this desire to connect, but I think there were a lot of shifts the pandemic and different factors. Technology is wonderful I mean it's bringing us to connect right now but I think there can be sometimes a hard time connecting. I love that kind of call to action Like what if we just try to connect and see how it goes? I love that. I know your heart for helping people. I just always love talking with you, your heart for helping people. I just always love talking with you.

Marta Hamilton, LPC (TeleWellness Hub): 3:09

And I was so excited to hear about your work with people with couples prior to marriage, so engaged couples because I've talked to people who work with couples who are already established in a long-term partnership or married or live together and are working through communication breakdowns or they're looking at different factors in already typically a marriage setting or long-term established partnership. And I love the idea of kind of proactive work. Really points to wellness work right, like before something. I'm looking at that wellness aspect before things feel like they're problematic or they're causing an issue and conflict is okay, right, I mean it could point to some solutions. But I love this idea of you being able to work proactively with couples. So I want to dive in. So for people who maybe are engaged or in a long-term relationship, they're looking at potentially getting engaged or know someone, can you share a little bit about what are the benefits of doing this work? While in engagement, what do you see come up for couples that is helpful?

Christy Chadwick: 4:28

Yeah, definitely, like you said, it's this proactive work, it's this ability to come together to reinforce or validate what couples see that they already have.

Christy Chadwick: 4:38

So they're looking at their strength areas, they're seeing what works and how it works, and to keep it going or sexual expectations, or discussing personality traits or cleaning the house that's such a big one for couples is to try to figure out what role are each of them going to play. And we talk about it in a proactive way to start to get some insights, rather than where, if they were already in a long-term relationship or already married. And I have worked with couples who are married and perhaps in conflict, and we've talked about what's going wrong, what's happening, what's the issue, what's the challenge and what do we want to shift with that, whereas in this engaged setting couples who are coming into marriage we can talk about it in a proactive sense of saying, well, how can you imagine it looking, how has it been looking and what would you like it to look like? So it's sort of like getting excited about marriage and getting excited about their life together and celebrating that more than just the wedding celebration, it's actually celebrating the whole relationship.

Marta Hamilton, LPC (TeleWellness Hub): 6:14

I love that. I could definitely see you know, with your background and really focusing with marriage and family and being able and the wellness work that you've done, being able to be really proactive and really setting up a strong foundation of excitement and clarity. I was laughing about the household work because it does those little things like can become a point of contention right At times. So it's good to talk about it proactive the day-to-day life things, I suppose, but also all those other factors that you talked about. I could see a huge value with that. And what do you think in terms of your work with couples? You've done a lot of work with couples. What aspect of the relationships do you typically cover in the sessions? When it comes to premarital coaching specifically, like, is there just a general areas and aspects of life that you think are really important to hone in on?

Christy Chadwick: 7:14

Yeah, I've actually been working with this framework called Prepare, and Rich includes an assessment for couples where couples actually get to sit down individually separately to take a 25 minute assessment on all areas of their relationship.

Christy Chadwick: 7:34

It really is pretty comprehensive. It covers communication, conflict resolution, sexual expectations, financial management, family planning. It goes through personality and that kind of interaction and roles within their relationship. Yeah, so they answer questions separately, they get the results. I send them the results and then we get to get together for feedback sessions and those feedback sessions then we go over the assessment and build tools around some of the strength areas and some of the areas of growth and they get a workbook. And the workbook also includes practices, questions, ways to just start conversations around these areas. I find that a lot of times couples don't know sometimes how to start conversations tough conversations or maybe they have and they just didn't quite get the clarity they needed. So this workbook and the work that we do together gives them that opportunity to really sit down and focus specifically on their relationship within these areas and be guided through the work that they can learn more about each other.

Marta Hamilton, LPC (TeleWellness Hub): 8:47

I love that it sounds like it covers all aspects, like it's very holistic, it's hands-on, there are tangible tools and really individualized concepts in terms of skills and strengths and areas that you guys can like work together and session conversations, and I love that you're kind of it sounds like handing off the tools that they can use, utilize for the rest of their lives too. I mean that's incredible. That sounds amazing. I'm curious when it comes to how does the dynamic of group couples work, Because you mentioned group couples work and I mentioned in the bio, how does the dynamic of group couples work differ from individual sessions and maybe what advantages does it offer the group participants?

Christy Chadwick: 9:32

Yeah, the group is still an opportunity for the couples to get their own individual time together to work through the workbook. We're just doing it in a group setting to work through the workbook. We're just doing it in a group setting, usually online via Zoom. And yeah, so they're still. They get to be on mute. I give them a prompt, they discuss with one another, they get a workbook. They also still take the assessment so they get the results of the assessment.

Christy Chadwick: 9:59

I give them the option to do an individualized session with me if they wanted to, them the option to do an individualized session with me if they wanted to. But if we're doing it in a group session, the setting is still confidential and private and they don't have to share in the whole group setting if they don't want to. And it's still the opportunity to do their deep work that we would do in a one-on-one type of setting. But it's, you know, maybe less time and it's also less money. So potentially, if there's a budget, then there could be the group setting option. Yeah, so it's still giving them the work, it's just on a less one-on-one type of feedback session and they can still do a chat with me in the Zoom. So if they had questions and they wanted to just ask me, we could always privately message that way. So there's still that interaction too.

Marta Hamilton, LPC (TeleWellness Hub): 10:58

Oh, that makes it so accessible to so many too. I'm just hearing, even knowing the virtual option right Via Zoom, if it's sometimes even just logistics with work or, you know, being able to, especially when it comes to couples. I've often hear it involves having two people's schedules kind of align right for yes, and so to be able to offer that virtually as well and in community, I think there's something about seeing other people, even if it's just their faces and you're on mute but like, okay, here are other people who are also doing this. They're also committed to doing the assessment and learning and growing and being able to learn from other people's questions. You know, I think there's something to that. A question someone might ask might really prompt some really interesting information of value to you. So I love that. And then so that's.

Marta Hamilton, LPC (TeleWellness Hub): 11:46

There's the group, there's the individual and on the I guess a different spectrum, are these intensive deep dive workshops that you're doing. Can you share a little bit about what this looks like? I'm really intrigued about this as well, just from and I do not have the background in couples that you do, but just there's a lot to cover when working with the couples because it's two unique belief systems, experiences and there's a lot to cover, so I could see that there's huge value in being able to do these deep dives. Can you share a little bit about what inspired you to offer these sessions and what kind of issues or goals are typically addressed? What it looks like.

Christy Chadwick: 12:32

Yeah, this is a very fresh, new kind of form of healing work that I'm going into. I would say I've mostly just done hourly with my clients for the majority of my healing practice career of five to 10 years, really, really, of what I've been doing and it's morphed and changed. And I think what I do is I bring in all of these modalities that I've learned over time, whether it's energy healing, somatic work, breath work, a little bit of mindfulness, yoga, some tapping, so we definitely get into the nervous system. Sometimes it's based on past traumas and we can dive deeper into what either couples have gone through and where they're coming from in terms of like family, of origin and what they both are bringing into the couple's relationship. And then, if I work with individuals, it's just with them and their own childhood traumas, or maybe it's a previous trauma that they went through in their adult life. So it's a lot based on a certain specific area that they want to focus on. And then we bring that into like a three to four hour session and that time is reserved just to give them tools, resources, the space to process all of these emotions that come with it.

Christy Chadwick: 14:02

I really like to work with internal family systems, which looks at different parts of us that come up when we think about. You know, sometimes there's like the angry part, the sad part, and then there's like the let's all be friends part and how those all interplay within us, and so we start to really get to know those parts and make friends with them, because there's a book that's called there's no Bad Parts, so we allow all those parts to be there and really look at them.

Marta Hamilton, LPC (TeleWellness Hub): 14:36

But when you have these intensives and it sounds like there's no bad parts I have not checked that out, I need to write that down but yes, when you dive deep into these topics and there are no bad parts, do you see that these and I know this is a fresh, newer offering within your scope of work? Do you see that couples typically come in with goals that look like what Is it to fix? Is it to grow? I know it depends on the couples, but just in terms of if someone's considering a deep dive and they think you know what, rather, I think I want to go in and do this deep dive how can they make the most out of these sessions? For those who are considering being able to have a productive and really meaningful longer session, anything that you can share in terms of advice for offer to really make most of the experience.

Christy Chadwick: 15:46

Yeah, I would say, well, we start with like a questionnaire beforehand.

Christy Chadwick: 15:50

So, even if I've not seen the couple or the individual, they get a questionnaire to really talk through what their goals are, what their focus is for this.

Christy Chadwick: 16:00

And I would say sometimes it is just to be able to sit and process and have the space for the scary parts that maybe don't have the time to be addressed in a typical weekly therapy session.

Christy Chadwick: 16:16

So I would even say that this could be like a partnership with other clinicians or other practitioners who are working with a client on an individual basis or on a couple's basis and they're coming week, week to week. And if they have something that they want to expand on and explore in a deeper setting and a more time, then I would be the one that would kind of hold that space and then work with their provider to get any information and also give information with a consent form right, with the release of information signed and, um, yeah, I would say, goals definitely vary, um, but it is more about just being able to have that space to look more at bigger issues that they want to sort through, and somatic work is one of the things that I look at. So also like getting into the body, looking at the feelings, looking at the emotions, looking at the sensations and what's stored there. So the space is really a container for that.

Marta Hamilton, LPC (TeleWellness Hub): 17:21

I love that I'm picturing. I mean, what an amazing gift for a couple. Just from my experience doing that hourly session, there are sometimes this, just this need, like you mentioned, just to be able to hold that space, to have space. I'm picturing myself as a couple knowing, okay, I don't have to try to like get everything out right all at once, and there's time. I think even that in and of itself like you mentioned earlier about the body and the central nervous system even that knowingness, knowing that this provider, they have the experience, they have the background and they're holding the space and I don't need to feel like I have to get all of this out at once, resolve everything, like in this 55 minute or whatever it may be. I think that in and of itself is an incredible gift and also allows for couples who maybe have different styles of communicating. Some people might need more time to gather their thoughts, to process, even in a session, and to be able to look at that.

Christy Chadwick: 18:30

Yeah, and sometimes we, yeah, we just barely get into it in an hour, like you're saying, the 55 minutes is like we're just getting into it and then, oh, we have to end now.

Marta Hamilton, LPC (TeleWellness Hub): 18:40

Yeah, like pause, like see you in a week and let's see what happens in that week, which is very helpful still, I don't want to knock it. There's still a huge benefit to that. I know you still do that work, but to have that option is what I'm thinking. I'm all about the options, so to have an option is incredible. I really love that In terms of kind of key features for a healthy and thriving long-term relationship. Could you share with us, the listeners and just me now, a little bit about what you see as really helpful tools or characteristics within couples that help to really foster a healthy and thriving long-term relationship?

Christy Chadwick: 19:31

Hmm, what a juicy question. Sometimes I feel like such a an imposter syndrome come in when these types of questions, and then I like want to channel Esther Perel and be like whatever, Esther Perel says is what really?

Christy Chadwick: 19:43

you should follow. Yeah, no, I really I've learned a lot with this Prepare Enrich program of how it is. It's a lot about the conflict resolution, right. It's a lot about how do we sort through what each person is bringing, because there's two people in the relationship, right, that's what's creating this space and it's looking at their roles, like their responsibilities and what they can do to help continue this process.

Christy Chadwick: 20:19

So I know this sounds really big and vague, so if I could break it down into a conflict resolution practice is to say, say, there's a conflict between the partnership of cleaning. That's such a big one. So one does more laundry than the other, one does more dishes than the other person and they're frustrated and they don't know how to change that. So then we look at this conflict resolution of what's the problem, what have you tried, what's been done, what's not been done, what works, what doesn't work. And then let's brainstorm. There's all the ideas and I love to come up with very silly ideas, like we're going to throw all the dishes away. We're not, no one's going to do the dishes. Let's just throw them all away. That's an idea. We don't have to do them Every time. You have like a, you have your China, even your really nice China plate, just throw it out in the trash. Yeah, I love that, yeah.

Marta Hamilton, LPC (TeleWellness Hub): 21:16

It's so funny. When you brought up that I instantly thought of like in my own household, like laundry, and you said laundry dishes. It's so true, but I love that bringing some humor into it, and yeah, it sounds like just general brainstorming curiosity Like yes.

Christy Chadwick: 21:28

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

Marta Hamilton, LPC (TeleWellness Hub): 21:30

And then the process is so serious yeah.

Christy Chadwick: 21:32

Yes, exactly yeah. So when it's not so serious they can make light of it and then they can try something. So they're they're just saying what can each of them do now to help the process? So then they're going to say, well, throwing out the dishes may not be the best idea. So let's say, you do the dishes on Tuesdays, I'll do the dishes on Wednesdays, whatever. So then they say that's their part, that's what they're going to do, and Wednesdays, whatever. So then they say that's their part, that's what they're going to do. And then they check in again a week later. And that's a necessary step too, is this check-in.

Christy Chadwick: 22:05

I think a lot of the work that we've done in the Prepare and Rich too, and then also just with couples, is that they have to make time for each other, they have to make time for the relationship. It doesn't just happen. And so through any relationship they have to kind of devote weekly meetings, weekly dates, regular time to check in, daily time to ask how each other are doing. Five minutes together to just breathe techniques with couples, either in the group work or in individual time where we're just regulating together, hand on each other's heart, take a few breaths together. Might feel silly but just breathing with each other.

Marta Hamilton, LPC (TeleWellness Hub): 22:47

Well, there's research even showing I just recently read this when it comes to like, for example, they were doing this study about people undergoing medical care, even like being in labor, and how, when they're touching, that there's regulation that they sync with the same pattern. So I love that you're bringing this element of really body work. I'm thinking like that would be incredible to get to experience because, like on a physiological level, there is being in tune and there's regulating, and then also the communicating and thinking about, I mean on all levels. It sounds like a wonderful opportunity to really connect, like truly on all levels, which is amazing. Kind of bringing us back to the beginning about like what if we just connect? That's awesome.

Christy Chadwick: 23:42

Exactly, and I actually had this really cool experience with a couple recently who was in a conflict type of situation and towards the end of the session I just said there's an invitation here to start to come together so maybe we could put some things into practice. And I think they both hesitated because they were like I don't want to try to talk right now, like they neither of them really wanted to communicate in a loving way. They were just feeling resistant about it and I was, so we didn't. We didn't use words, we used body, and so I had them turn towards each other, touch legs, just simply touch legs, and sit with that discomfort, because it can be uncomfortable when you're feeling this hurt and pain.

Marta Hamilton, LPC (TeleWellness Hub): 24:25

And even anger, right Right. You're like, yeah, if we can even like acknowledge each other.

Christy Chadwick: 24:37

So sitting with the discomfort, and then I had them hold hands, sat with that discomfort. We rated it on a scale of one to 10, one being how much? No discomfort, 10 being lots of discomfort. They both rated it about the same very high discomfort. And then we did it three more times like untouching, touching, and at the leg, at the hand, um, and by the third time their discomfort had dropped below the five. So it went way low into like fours and twos. So I was just sitting with it and that's also the part about the process is being comfortable with the uncomfortable, that discomfort and sitting with it. So that's the work that I love to do, and just seeing them be like it's okay. It's okay that that's happening and it makes sense that you're feeling that way, and it makes sense that it's uncomfortable, and it's okay that it's uncomfortable to touch your partner at this moment and just see what happens.

Marta Hamilton, LPC (TeleWellness Hub): 25:34

Yeah, that's like an amazing gift and dream couple session. I'm thinking. You know it takes a special for people listening people in the therapy world often discuss it takes a special clinician, a special person to work with couples because it can be really dynamic. It can take a lot of energy on your own as a therapist. It's a lot of energy, a lot of thinking, a lot like even what you mentioned right now. There's regulating of two people and then trying to create harmony. It takes a special skill set and passion. So just hearing how you have combined those and offered so much transformation and healing opportunities for your clients, it's just always an honor to get to talk to you. For those listening first, how can they connect with you, but also which parts of your offerings are available to people in Hawaii and which ones are open to people outside of Hawaii virtually, for example, picturing like those group work the group that you do?

Christy Chadwick: 26:47

Yeah, great question. Thank you, it's definitely. Yeah, the group work is available to anybody outside of Hawaii and even the premarital coaching is available to anybody outside of Hawaii and even the premarital coaching is available outside of Hawaii. So that's a program that could be an individualized session virtually to anybody, especially if they're coming to Maui to get married. You might as well call a clinician practitioner on Maui to have your own couple's session going. So that's something, and I'm even thinking about this idea this is off topic a little bit of how we could integrate the Maui, the culture, in their couple's premarital coaching work. So when they come to Maui they're sort of ready to and I wouldn't do the cultural practices because I'm not Hawaiian, but it would be something that I would love to partner with eventually.

Marta Hamilton, LPC (TeleWellness Hub): 27:36

Oh my gosh, what an amazing gift. Yes, yes, something like that would be cool.

Christy Chadwick: 27:50

Otherwise, the intensives and my therapy practice work that is strictly for people living in Hawaii and that's virtual.

Marta Hamilton, LPC (TeleWellness Hub): 27:53

I do everything virtual.

Christy Chadwick: 27:53

Maybe eventually have some in-person stuff on Maui, but for now everything is virtual, yeah.

Marta Hamilton, LPC (TeleWellness Hub): 28:00

I love that Well. I'm so honored to get to speak with you and I love hearing how accessible you make it also for people to have the ability to work with you in different capacities. And, as always, I'm just so thankful for having you join us on and being part of our wellness journey.

Christy Chadwick: 28:22

Thank you, I appreciate it and if you, if anyone is interested too, I do have wait lists for both the group and I. Also have some intimacy workshops coming up, so I'll put the wait list kind of in my in my bio on there and you can check it out and have access to that at any time so yeah.

Marta Hamilton, LPC (TeleWellness Hub): 28:40

Yes, because you're right, Thank you. I meant to ask, like, how they can connect with you. I'll include things in the show notes, but just for anyone who's listening and maybe like driving or not able to access the show notes, what's the best way for people to connect with you?

Christy Chadwick: 28:53

Yeah, my website is christychadwickcom. That'd be a great way to get started.

Marta Hamilton, LPC (TeleWellness Hub): 28:58

Okay, great, all right. Well, christy, thank you so much again and hope everyone is having a great time and they're on their wellness journey. Thank you, bye.