EnneagramU
How to Thrive in a Relationship with an Enneagram Type Seven
Ever felt the invigorating pull of adventure and the soothing calm of nature? Join Damon and Kelly on Enneagram U as they recount their weekend escapades—Damon's thrilling yet exhausting hike and Kelly's serene lakeside getaway with her life group. These stories set the perfect backdrop for an in-depth exploration of the adventurous and dynamic spirit of Enneagram Type Sevens, known for their high energy and zest for life.
What makes Enneagram Sevens so captivating? Through a humorous and enlightening tale about Kelly's husband, a quintessential Seven, Damon and Kelly unravel the charm, storytelling prowess, and boundless joy that define these personalities. Yet, they also delve into the complexities behind their cheerful facades, spotlighting figures like Robin Williams and Gene Wilder to illustrate how comedic brilliance often hides deeper struggles. This episode emphasizes the importance of recognizing and supporting the dreams and hidden pains of Sevens to enrich their relationships and overall well-being.
Navigating relationships with Sevens can be both exhilarating and challenging. Damon and Kelly discuss how Sevens’ quest for excitement and avoidance of routine can impact their daily lives and relationships. They share practical advice on engaging with Sevens, offering flexibility and concise, constructive feedback, all while acknowledging their full range of emotions. Tune in to uncover valuable lessons about balance, spontaneity, and fostering healthier, more fulfilling connections with the vibrant Enneagram Type Sevens in your life.
www.vufaith.com
https://www.instagram.com/faithandcommunity/
Ever felt the invigorating pull of adventure and the soothing calm of nature? Join Damon and Kelly on Enneagram U as they recount their weekend escapades—Damon's thrilling yet exhausting hike and Kelly's serene lakeside getaway with her life group. These stories set the perfect backdrop for an in-depth exploration of the adventurous and dynamic spirit of Enneagram Type Sevens, known for their high energy and zest for life.
What makes Enneagram Sevens so captivating? Through a humorous and enlightening tale about Kelly's husband, a quintessential Seven, Damon and Kelly unravel the charm, storytelling prowess, and boundless joy that define these personalities. Yet, they also delve into the complexities behind their cheerful facades, spotlighting figures like Robin Williams and Gene Wilder to illustrate how comedic brilliance often hides deeper struggles. This episode emphasizes the importance of recognizing and supporting the dreams and hidden pains of Sevens to enrich their relationships and overall well-being.
Navigating relationships with Sevens can be both exhilarating and challenging. Damon and Kelly discuss how Sevens’ quest for excitement and avoidance of routine can impact their daily lives and relationships. They share practical advice on engaging with Sevens, offering flexibility and concise, constructive feedback, all while acknowledging their full range of emotions. Tune in to uncover valuable lessons about balance, spontaneity, and fostering healthier, more fulfilling connections with the vibrant Enneagram Type Sevens in your life.
www.vufaith.com
https://www.instagram.com/faithandcommunity/
Welcome to Enneagram U, damon and Kelly, where we explore the mysteries of human personality and help you learn more about you. Whether you're a skeptic or an enthusiast, together we'll take you on a journey of self-discovery using the ancient wisdom of the Enneagram. This is Enneagram U. Hey, everyone, welcome to Enneagram U. My name is Damon. I'm here with my friend Kelly. Hi, kelly, hey Damon, I'm on autopilot, autopilot okay, I came off this really awesome weekend.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:Got a weekend away, so my mood is fluctuating between how happy I was and now going back to work Back to reality. Yes, so I don't even know what that mood is, but I've been trying to, you know, get it back to happy.
Speaker 2:Yes, happier Are you? Just post-adventure blues a little bit.
Speaker 1:It's strange when you take a little time off and that time off includes, you know, leaving town or vacation type of things which you do sometimes All the time. Really, you feel more tired when you come back.
Speaker 2:Sometimes that is true. Yeah, re-entry.
Speaker 1:Didn't really rest and you know, we went to some parks and walked way too much and there was quite an adventure.
Speaker 2:Yeah, your adventure was like rock climbing.
Speaker 1:It wasn't meant to be, it just we got in the wrong place. Hence adventure. You weren't quite sure. Yeah, yeah, we just kept going.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, we just kept going.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we had tumblers and we said we're gonna do this after this trail and it said two to three hours. We're like yeah, we can do that that must be for the slower folks.
Speaker 2:Two or three hours we'll get this done.
Speaker 1:That's what, that's what we were thinking yeah, we were thinking much more highly of ourselves than we ought. And so, yeah, did we have water? No, we had tumblers full of water ish, that we had to carry. You know how you can't carry a tumbler.
Speaker 2:There's my tumbler. You can't carry that on the trail.
Speaker 1:Anyway, we did and didn't have the right shoes on, and it was a hundred degrees at the where we were.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:No bug spray.
Speaker 2:The heat is a whole other element. You know it's one thing like climbing you know we're hiking.
Speaker 1:I know this. This, it sounds like, was both like hiking and climbing. Well, we were really. It started out with a paved path. Yes, and they just yeah, this will be fine yeah, and they said rugged terrain. We're like, yeah, whatever, but halfway there for the elderly pavement ended and then they just enough in and they just had these little markers. Follow these markers and you know you're still on the trail didn't you say the markers were on the trees?
Speaker 1:yeah, they weren't even like yeah, official well, I think's official, but they nail them to the trees. So they like find the red marker and you know you're still going on the right path, but it's rugged enough that there's not like signs like on the trail no.
Speaker 2:It's like follow the tree. No, that's it, it was follow the tree to this waterfall, that I all of this for just this little trickle of water.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but there was something about all of that that still made it fun.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, and having an adventure and, like you said, you guys made it.
Speaker 1:We did, we made it. Okay, we're in good shape. I think we broke a record actually, but it was.
Speaker 2:It was um, yeah, it was super fun and exhausting at the same time I don't even know what that emotion is Exhausted, probably a little bit, yeah Tired, I could sleep.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I could sleep. You can see I'm on the juice.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you're on the juice Got your tumbler.
Speaker 1:I'm drinking something in the tumbler.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's right, yep.
Speaker 1:It'll illuminate me. That's the hint. There you go.
Speaker 2:Okay, we're away this weekend at the lake and that always is just really replenishing. And we had our small group friends down on Saturday. So two other couples that we it's more of a life group and we say it's a for life group.
Speaker 1:So we're in this group for life. That's good yeah.
Speaker 2:And they're just so fun and just had a great, great time and had a great time in the water and then went back in for dinner and, literally, as my husband brought the food in from the grill, just this downpour.
Speaker 1:Oh, you weren't out in it, we weren't out in it. Look at you guys and your timing All right yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so that was fun. And then, just yeah, hung out yesterday and so I had a gentle re-entry into the week.
Speaker 1:So the four life group left early.
Speaker 2:Yeah, life group left early, yeah, so they just came for the day, yeah, which I think actually works good because, you know, at a certain point in life, those overnights I just sleep better in my bed and so do my friends.
Speaker 1:I know some of those folks and they probably agree with you on that one as well, but they're an energetic bunch if. I do recall I bet you needed that day.
Speaker 2:So fun yeah, really fun just being out in the water, or on the water, as we say.
Speaker 1:As you say, at the lake.
Speaker 2:At the lake.
Speaker 1:Yes, we're on the water On it. So there's a few people in that group that are sevens.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:Well Is that right, definitely.
Speaker 2:My husband is a seven. My son is a seven, is it?
Speaker 1:one of the other guys is seven, I don't know. I can see seven traits in him. He should be if he isn't. Yes, I can't name names. Yes.
Speaker 2:I think a few of us have seven wings. I know my wing is seven and I think another person's wing is a seven too. So yeah, wow, that's a lot of sevens In it for the fun, mm-hmm.
Speaker 1:Yes, which the month?
Speaker 2:where we're going to explore the sevens, the joyful person.
Speaker 1:Okay, so bring on the energy.
Speaker 2:I got it. I'm illuminated. Yes, we may need to illuminate the whole month. I'm not going to be able to keep up with you. Illuminate to levitate. I don't have a seven wing.
Speaker 1:Well, you're a nine, though, so you can step into the seven. Oh, that's right, I was trying to figure out how come I this was you.
Speaker 2:You know, this weekend with the adventure I mean, that's the seven going. Yeah, I can do this.
Speaker 1:Give me the adventure. It's just starting the adventure. That's difficult for me.
Speaker 2:That's the nine. Definitely, Once you're on it, once you're on that paved trail, and even when it turns into-.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, I wasn't stopping.
Speaker 2:Just brush and wood.
Speaker 1:Was not turning around.
Speaker 2:Yes, Well, they say, a perfect day for a seven is just this open horizon to do whatever they want to do. So maybe that's kind of how you felt on your adventure this weekend, like hey, it's open, we'll do whatever like just comes our way.
Speaker 1:Right, Right and that's that's kind of what we did.
Speaker 2:Yeah, cause sevens don't like to be boxed in.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it was fun. I couldn't do it every day. No but a seven can do that every day.
Speaker 2:I think the struggle for the seven is they. You know they say that, and this is probably true for all of us that they want like a five day weekend and a two day work week. So they literally are working for the weekend. That's a lover voice on, I hate to say it yes.
Speaker 1:I knew that and I've never heard you say that before, but that's a really good picture of a seven.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they just the routine and just the humdrum of just day like work that answers so many questions.
Speaker 1:Five day weekend, two day work yes, that's great.
Speaker 2:Yes, and so they are full of joy. They want to just be happy and do all the fun things, do all the things they just love, all that life has to offer.
Speaker 1:And we're going to be talking about relationship with a seven. Yes, Relationship with a seven and you have several of those fairly close to you.
Speaker 2:I know my husband and son are both sevens. I have a seven wing. Yeah, my daughter's a nine so she can step into the seven. So we were just like oh yeah, we exhaust everyone around us.
Speaker 1:And each other, I'm sure we can, we can. How about your daughter, though, since I'm a nine, and if it's all true, then I would be like, yeah, I can handle you guys for a while, and then I got to disappear, mm-hmm, yeah.
Speaker 2:Well, I think when my daughter and I went to Paris, we had this great rhythm of going out and having an adventure during the day, but always coming back early evening and watching a movie or reading or relaxing, and she was like mom, this has been the greatest. We will go, go, go until we just like crash. And then it's like okay, everybody, we're six hours asleep and then we're up in the morning.
Speaker 1:I'm like where did Madison go? I don't know. We lost her halfway through the day. She just disappeared On the cruise that we were on last year.
Speaker 2:We loved the cruise and I think it worked well for all four of us because she could decide does she want to go and do like the concert or you know, whatever, or does she want to go back to the room and read?
Speaker 1:so our listeners are probably already tired just because of we have just enough seven around this table right now to wear people out, but I think I'll take that yeah, our special guest coming in will be a seven as well. Oh my gosh, guys get ready. And I'm gonna have to tell him this is only like 30 minute podcast. Yes, we can't go two hours. I know, know, we're going to have to say it. He would love it. He'd be crushed.
Speaker 2:I have to share the story. I don't think I've shared this before. So when I have done like Enneagram presentations and I used to do them a lot, just like out for you know, people in the public to come and hear about the Enneagram, A random presentation, but it would be from like nine to four, and so one of them that I did, I had someone from each number come and just at the end of the day just kind of give a brief five to 10 minutes about their number. It was a panel and so we were doing well on time. Everybody was pretty concise.
Speaker 2:We get to my husband at the seven, and he went on and on and on talking about being a seven, and so at a certain point I think after, like this may be exaggerating, but probably not 15 minutes I was like sitting on the front row, like giving him like the timeout or like cut you know you're done.
Speaker 1:The hook was coming out. Yes, like the hook was coming out. The music was playing.
Speaker 2:Yes, he even says oh, I'm getting you know, kelly's telling me it's time to wrap up, so as I wrap up, and then he goes on for like 10 more minutes.
Speaker 1:So he acknowledged that he was going too long and just kept going.
Speaker 2:Yes, I had to stand up and go okay, you're done, cause we've got two other numbers we've got to get to and I don't want to have people have to stay over so sevens love to just share. They are the best storytellers. They are so funny Like I don't know that there's anybody on the planet that can make me laugh as much as my husband and now my son does too.
Speaker 1:They are great storytellers.
Speaker 2:Yes, I mean just belly laugh, tears in your eyes, yeah, oh my gosh. So they love to be able to have an audience to share.
Speaker 1:We are going to experience that next week. So, tell all your friends this is the one next week is the one you're going to want to hear. Not today, right, you can go away now, but next week you're going to want to come back.
Speaker 2:Yes, that's right, hear it just firsthand.
Speaker 1:Right, tell us about Sevens Sevens.
Speaker 2:yes, so they really see the world as we could just say, their playground. You know that everything has this potential to make them happy. They're on the move, they enjoy life to another, Again entertaining. They're very charming. They are joyful people, so they love to bring joy to the world and a wide variety of things. They have biggest hearts very, very generous, willing to make sacrifices for those that they're in relationship with, and so I think a motto that they would say is I want to do whatever makes you happy.
Speaker 2:So I think, that could be just something that we can be aware of, which can be both positive and negative, so I want to do whatever makes you happy. So I think that could be just something that we can be aware of, which can be both positive and negative. So I want to do whatever is going to make you happy, but then that can be maybe leading into them being more pleasers in relationships, or maybe losing themselves sometimes in that. And so for them, their struggle is that they want to avoid pain at all costs.
Speaker 2:And so if we think about just like we were saying, like their struggle is that they want to avoid pain at all costs, and so, you know, if we think about just like we were saying, like their struggle with just having to live in a world where there's too much structure, because they're very spontaneous and so even not having enough time to do all it is that they want to do, you know, time feels like a constraint to them.
Speaker 1:I wonder if comedians are sevens.
Speaker 2:Oh, I would imagine.
Speaker 1:I mean that might be a dumb question, but I wonder if they all are sevens or just most of them.
Speaker 2:I would say probably a majority of them. And you think about like. So the first person that came to my mind was Robin Williams. So, an amazing comedian, just hilarious and so talented. But yet there's this avoidance of pain, right, and so you can only do that for so long before that pain emerges. We know his story ended with suicide. And so you would think that is such a weird phenomenon for us that look at Robin Williams and think how in the world could he have been?
Speaker 1:in a place to commit suicide, right, because you couldn't see that at all in his performances anyway.
Speaker 2:You didn't see that at all in his performances anyway, right right, Well, and I was watching on Netflix they're doing a documentary on Gene Wilder. Okay, yeah, and I know this may be aging me, but if you remember like was he Willy Wonka in the Chocolate Factory.
Speaker 1:He was or.
Speaker 2:Charlie in the Chocolate Factory, I get those mixed up.
Speaker 1:Okay, Willy.
Speaker 2:Wonka, and so they were talking about like his life story was as a kid growing up. His mother had a heart issue and so as a young teenager, the doctor came to the house to check on the mom and says to Gene Wilder like, whatever you do, don't make your mom mad, because that could kill her because of her heart issue.
Speaker 2:And so he said at that moment he realized like his job was not only not to make her mad but to make her happy. And so he really got into. You know his comedic, you know routines at that point and very much he could do really anything as an actor. But so funny so. But behind that even was pain you know which I?
Speaker 2:think is the stories for so many of the sevens. Like, on the outside you see joy and charisma and on the inside, again, a balanced seven would recognize the pain and would have this place where they're holding both.
Speaker 1:Okay, wow.
Speaker 2:So for them, in relationships with the seven, we want to remember that for sevens they're dreamers and we'll talk in a moment about being in relationship, like when we're in relationships with sevens. But we want to just know that that word dream is a big word for a seven, and so for the rest of us we can kind of smash their dreams. For sevens and I don't know if you've heard this like in leadership, we have wow and we have how.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, I've heard that.
Speaker 2:So the sevens are like wow, like let's do this, or they get an idea and they dream, and then we're like well, but how? And so they're like forget it.
Speaker 1:Probably almost every other number says how yes, for sure.
Speaker 2:And the sevens are like wow. So you know, when we are working with a seven, a lot of times they will champion our dreams, you know, and just be like that's amazing let's do this and kind of leave the practical to the side yeah, so I wonder if a four would say wow as well, and not how right away, maybe a little more artsy person, kind of like, wow, not that creative side, right?
Speaker 2:yeah, maybe not, I don't know. Yes, we'll ask jamal. Well, yeah, we need to ask jamal. Yeah, because he's he's got a blending of that four and seven yeah, oh yes, he does yes well, we won't go back to that. Yes, different episode.
Speaker 1:You have to search for it.
Speaker 2:Yes. So what we would say for the sevens, just to encourage them in relationship, is for themselves to really embrace a wide range of emotions. So we've talked about how it's good to see even as we're sharing our feelings. And I think for me sometimes in that seven wing it's easy just to be like, oh, I'm feeling this way and avoid some of the negative, but to look at, okay, but what is that balance point of what's my high and what's my low for the day, and so for them to be able to experience the highs and lows for themselves, and also then that they can receive those from others. Because I think a lot of times for those of us that are in relationships with the seven that they can receive those from others. Because I think a lot of times for those of us that are in relationships with the seven, they can put like a happy spin on everything and that can really inhibit relationships. So people don't always want to then go to the seven because they feel maybe dismissed when they're having their emotions.
Speaker 2:Okay, because the seven always wants to see the bright side and that's helpful, because we don't want to stay stuck in maybe the lows, but the sevens a lot of times want to stay stuck in. Maybe the lows, but the sevens a lot of times want to bypass some of that deeper emotional work and just want to let's just drag the person to the other side to happy land.
Speaker 1:And that's not always what their friends do so recently with our gather think, give initiative those trainings. People from Veterans United might remember the clip from what was? What's the emotion?
Speaker 2:Inside Out.
Speaker 1:Inside Out, right when I don't know the, the names. It was sad and it was joy and um like um, it was the elephant anyway, oh yeah, was that memories or something? Yeah anyway, there's a whole scene. We if if I'm sure if you're from vu, you watched that because it was in every training and joy, kept trying to talk the other person into not feeling sad, yes, and not letting them get through that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I was like no, and that would be the representation of a seven is joy from inside out. Yes, I'm just like, let's put a happy spin on everything and like no, no, no, Don't remember those things, Remember these things that were happy yeah. Keep everything together.
Speaker 1:Right, and there's a new Inside Out movie. Have you seen that?
Speaker 2:yet I have not.
Speaker 1:I think my son has seen it, but I'm just going to leave it there. I know it's coming to Disney Plus in September. Yeah, I'm not going to the theater to see it, but he did yeah.
Speaker 2:I've heard it's really good. But yes, that sense of joy, that would be a seven for sure. Another thing we would want to encourage for the sevens, just for themselves and also in relationship for others, is to really be able to hold a place of spontaneity but also commitment, and so a lot of times for a seven, they won't necessarily commit to something because they don't want to be boxed in, but then in relationship it just kind of feels like they're not committed to things.
Speaker 2:So they might like you might say hey, can we get together on Saturday for dinner? And they might say they may not answer or they may go.
Speaker 1:I mean yeah, Sure, if I'm available or if it happens, yes.
Speaker 2:And so just to be able to go. Yeah, I can do dinner Saturday night, Because a lot of times they may not realize that they're doing it, but they do try to keep their options open. They have a hard time committing to something, because then they feel boxed in, because like what if something better comes along? Right, right, you know but to recognize that empathy of like, hey, if somebody's asked you to go out Saturday, to commit to that and not just to commit to what's going to be most fun.
Speaker 1:Okay, okay, that's what's drawing them.
Speaker 2:Their radar is on always looking for the most fun thing, and you might not be it.
Speaker 1:Yes, well and I've read that I get that Exactly that you can't be both responsible and dependable while keeping your options open?
Speaker 2:You know that kind of idea that, yeah, just be responsible with what you say or what you're going to do, what you've committed to. And also the thing that sevens have to really watch too is if a little is good, a lot more is better, and so there can be this excessiveness going on, and so just to kind of watch that, to just you know, like, okay, if I have a drink, what's going to be my limit?
Speaker 1:You know, or if I'm going to eat something like what's my boundary lines here? Right.
Speaker 2:Sevens hate boundaries.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:Because it just feels again like it's boxing them in, but to see that no boundaries really keep the good in and the negative out, and so, if you like, for example, if you say, okay, I'm just going to go out tonight and I'm just going to drink as much as I want, well, we know that boundary has been crossed and there's going to be pain the next day most likely, or if you do that for so long.
Speaker 2:you know I mean and this is where sevens can struggle with, just like their besetting struggle is gluttony. So this idea that there can be a challenge with addictions or just different things to excess.
Speaker 1:Yeah, excess or overindulgence, exactly.
Speaker 2:Exactly, and so to just have boundaries on that, because that can start to hurt yourself, but also it can hurt your relationships too. And it doesn't have to be just like alcohol, but it can be anything to excess.
Speaker 1:That's kind of like the simple thing to make an example of right, exactly, you know it's the easiest. So, but yeah, I get you. Yes, exactly, be anything, right yeah?
Speaker 2:And another thing that we would encourage, just for yourself and in relationship, is to recognize that life can't always be an adventure, like every day, every minute, can't be like there are going to be parts of life that's boring, and I know that sucks.
Speaker 1:Like the paved trail. The paved trail, not the rocky road.
Speaker 2:Yes, but that's a great illustration because you know, just because you're on the paved trail right now, there's a rocky road ahead.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah.
Speaker 2:You know, and so just like get through, like get through the week the weekend's coming or get through this boring patch, like maybe a meeting you know, the sevens aren't really fans of meetings. They like things to be, you know, exciting, but just being able to go, okay, I just got to get through this. This is just part of life.
Speaker 1:Yeah, sevens will make the meetings fun. Yes, if you let them, or they will distract, we'll never get done with this meeting. Right, I was in I must've been in the seven mode when we were on that first trail, because I was. I was doing a lot of videoing and a lot of talking into the video and my wife finally just said if you don't be quiet, we're never going to get to the end of this. Her three was coming.
Speaker 2:We're never going to get to do this in a certain amount of time.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we're never going to get this checked off the list. We're just going to be wandering in the desert in circles. Oh, I love that I'm like okay.
Speaker 2:She's got a challenge to meet, a time to set.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's fun.
Speaker 2:Well, and I think that that kind of lends itself too to this next thing to think about two for sevens and relationships that so often they really value relationships for the enjoyment of the relationships, but also relationships are about personal growth too. There's a verse in Proverbs that says iron sharpens iron, and so I think sometimes sevens can maybe not engage in relationships if they're not fun anymore or if they're not just providing excitement but recognize that no, it's also for personal growth, and so they need to have people in their life that can challenge them, that can be that iron sharpening iron, just to help them to be holistically strong as well.
Speaker 2:And also the other thing that sevens need to be aware of is that a lot of times, people don't take them serious, and so they don't know if they're kidding or not kidding, and so they may not go to them to ask for their input because, they're just not quite sure.
Speaker 1:Am I going to get, just like some sarcasm yeah, I have a degree in sarcasm, so I get that and the sevens will do it more than I will. Yes, yes, they will, and that can be exhausting, yes, and I know that I exhaust my wife with my sarcasm, so I can imagine that, like a seven would exhaust me, you know, even so, wow, so that's a pretty high level of you know humor.
Speaker 2:Yes, well, and I guess what we would say too is, you know, with that, just having some self awareness, you know and again, because a little good, a lot more is better that can be even in their humor, even in like meetings, where it might go too far with trying to be too funny, or too, charming going. Okay, now let's, we got to dial it back just to be yeah, they're so fast at it.
Speaker 1:They are so quick witted, oh my gosh. And so I can't imagine, like the things that go through my brain, that I have to filter and hold back a seven.
Speaker 2:It must be times 10 then Well, and the thing about a seven, too, is that they will take physical and verbal risk, and so it is a challenge for a seven. But it's so important to think before you speak, because they're just going to say it a lot of times and then be like, make it a joke or, you know, ha ha, and it's like, oh, you can't take those words back, you know. And so just slowing down, having that self-awareness, you know, just being aware that really your behavior can be charming, for sure, but it also maybe at times could be alienating too, gotcha.
Speaker 1:Okay, yeah, that's good, good advice.
Speaker 2:And so for those of us that are in relationships with a seven, you know it's important to just know about their personality so that we can engage with them, meet them in the middle. You know, because, at least for me, I can say in my eight trying to pull my seven husband over to the side of just how I see things, but to not try to get them to commit to specific routines and schedules that they need spontaneity and flexibility. So what that means in my marriage is my husband would be so spontaneous and I'm one that let's get together on Sunday night and look at the schedule, look at the plan ahead, and so having a mix of both where we can have spontaneity but also some structure.
Speaker 2:So, meet in the middle. Also, the thing we have to recognize is that a lot of times we depend on them for just providing enjoyment for us. You, know, and so not depending on them for our constant, you know, stimulation or enjoyment of like, because I think I could do that Like. Well, what are we going to do, you know? Put it all on him, and that can be a lot, Because again, sevens are like well, what are we going to do? You know, put it all on him and that can be a lot.
Speaker 2:Because, again, sevens are like well, I want to do whatever makes you happy. Okay, and so, again, having this balance of, maybe, for those of us that are in relationships with the seven, giving options Like, hey, would you like to do this, this, this. Now they're going to want to do okay and then also, uh, you know, again, in any relationship, again, being that iron that sharpens other iron, um, sometimes we need to give constructive feedback, um, but just to know that sevens take that as criticism, and so just to be gentle, uh, with them.
Speaker 2:And also brief, and this is uh one of those areas I need to work on because I can get on my diatribe of just like proving my point, I can become a little mis-attorney. But yeah, just to be gentle and brief because for them again that pain, it can really crush their hearts if we are too adamant, or?
Speaker 1:Or if you're corrective, like if you're trying to correct seven, a little will go a long way.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, well, and I think too, even in relationship, I know, like, even in marriage, like with my husband, you know, recognizing that you know it's important to bring things, I think, early in our marriage, I would just like try to be my own, you know, get in my own wing, seven, and just put a bow on it or put a happy face on it.
Speaker 2:Well then it's like that becomes more of a wedge between and so being able to, you know, have the time where I'm able to say, hey, can I talk to you about something now? Of course, it's like, oh crap what have I done?
Speaker 1:I know that language, kelly. That news for you, that's. That's true for every husband. Yes, when the wife says I need to talk to you about something, yes, we need to talk.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So yeah, just to recognize.
Speaker 2:Well, and even you know, I know there's the communication strategy of that sandwiching. You know feedback. And so positive, and then the feedback, and then another positive. But for sevens, even if it can be when you're out doing something you know like okay, let's take a walk. Or hey, if we're at the lake, let's be in the water. That's fun, and like talk, you know, just using those I statements instead of like you da, da, da, da da.
Speaker 1:I actually think that strategy for me works for me. Yes, works for me when I'm talking to someone about something or receiving it.
Speaker 2:That works for me as well.
Speaker 1:Yes, it just I don't know. There's something about the action or the distraction.
Speaker 2:Maybe that's it.
Speaker 1:That takes the pressure off a bit and maybe makes the communication better both ways.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:If you're receiving or if you're hearing, versus going to the principal's office and sitting down you know having that, I'd say that's harder.
Speaker 2:We all have to do that as well. Yeah, and that's harder.
Speaker 1:We all have to do that as well. Um, and that's probably me, my piece, coming out, if I had to say why I like it.
Speaker 2:Yes, well, and I think I heard it said that it's more of, uh, when you have um constructive feedback, uh, to think about the person and think, do they need more of a side-by-side conversation instead of like this direct, like eye to eye, you know, because, like, if you're taking a drive and having that conversation, you can both be looking out the front of the car and you're having the conversation but you're not like where it feels like you're at the principal's office you know, or if you're taking a walk where side by side versus that face to face sometimes can feel too intense.
Speaker 1:And side by side might be step one. Face to face to face. Yes, step two, because maybe you don't have to go to step two, right, yeah, maybe.
Speaker 2:Right, Exactly, but sometimes it can feel that you know bit of intimidation or that it's interesting.
Speaker 1:Well, the sevens can teach us that. Yes.
Speaker 2:Yes, Good, Also sevens as much as that to happen you know, where they have that space. But then also, you know, have time with people because they can, you can really start to see them like their battery drains, if it's just if they have too much time alone, okay. And then also just to recognize that sevens don't respond well to expectations.
Speaker 1:And then also just to recognize that sevens don't respond well to expectations.
Speaker 2:Again, I think it's if they get boxed in. And so one thing I was reading was saying, yeah, for some of the numbers they love to have just you share what you see as far as their potential, but then they see that as expectations and so they're just like this just feels like too much, and they may even feel a bit rebellious with that of like uh, again just feeling like someone else is being putting upon them.
Speaker 1:Um right. So even if you mean it in a positive way, even if you're like hey, I see this in you and you could go further. Yes, that feels like a box.
Speaker 2:Yes, even though really it's a launch you know, launching, and it would be a launch for many of us but for the seven, I think it. Just. It feels like ah, this is somebody else's expectations being put on me.
Speaker 1:Wow, and that reminds me of the four a little bit again too.
Speaker 2:Yes, Well, and that harmony triad of the one, seven and four, we can see probably some of that blending for sure. Also as people in relationships with the seven, to encourage them to express their emotions, that full range of emotion, and a lot of times you might be able just to sense it. Maybe they're feeling, or they just seem to be a little more quiet, or maybe seem down. They may not even see it. And so being able to just say hey, I'm wondering how you're doing it just feels like maybe something's you know off.
Speaker 2:It'll be obvious with the seven yes, very much they are more of like what you see is what you get.
Speaker 1:And when a seven, I'm going to make an assumption here. I don't, we shouldn't do that, but if a seven is up all the time, when they're down, they're down really low.
Speaker 2:Yes, it can be, especially if they're not like processing some of those more negative emotions. Now again, feelings aren't right or wrong. But to be able, for a seven in that space of looking at what am I feeling as far as expressing the joy, but also what am I feeling as far as expressing all the other emotions, where am I feeling sad, where am I feeling fear? They're part of the head triad and so fear, typically, is one of those feelings that will be there.
Speaker 2:They may just not be aware of it because they've gotten so good at pushing those negative feelings to the side and only focusing on the positives, and so a great strategy for the seven is just to be able every day, to think about where are those feelings that I'm having in all those different categories. Not that they have to deal with every feeling, because if not, then when they are feeling down, like you said, it's going to be really down.
Speaker 1:Really down or they're going to cope.
Speaker 2:Yes, they'll mask it with something. Yeah, that's for sure.
Speaker 1:In some ways, to me the seven makes the most sense out of every number, just as far as understanding. Maybe it's because it's extreme.
Speaker 2:Yes, they really do live on the extremes.
Speaker 1:Yes, I can see that, yes, they really do live on the extremes. It's like, yes, I can see that, yes, I understand.
Speaker 2:I mean, it's not like in between Right, yeah Well, and it's very clear.
Speaker 1:I think maybe to so many of us, but it may not be so clear to the seven, because this is just where they've lived. Yeah.
Speaker 2:You know for sure, fair. And then also for the sevens to let them really lead us in playing. When we get to a certain point as a child or young adult, we don't play anymore. But sevens man, they can teach us and remind us just the joy of playing.
Speaker 1:Are they the people that get the board games out? Yes, oh boy. Yes, oh my gosh, yeah.
Speaker 2:Or just like, hey, what are we going to do? That's fun, let's go do this. And I think the challenge we have to recognize is that so many of us have just grown accustomed to not playing that again we just deflate their balloon you know, when we're just uh going, oh no you know, let's just watch tv and they're like, oh, again yeah, um which that can be fun, but not all the time right and are they?
Speaker 1:were they the class clown? Well, my husband was dumb question again, but I just wondered yeah, I'm sure many of them, because I can think back to school too, and and like sometimes I was, but I could not maintain it.
Speaker 2:That's the one thing I know. That's what you said, like you just didn't have the energy to keep it going, and that's for every number.
Speaker 1:For me it's like which one you want. I'll give you 30 minutes.
Speaker 2:That is a great illustration of a nine.
Speaker 2:It's like, okay, I can be this, I can, let me move on. Yeah, exactly, yes, oh well, and the last thing I would say is just being attentive to their dreams, to their stories, to their ideas. Again, maybe from that 30,000 foot level, just be with them and let them express their wow and not jump so quickly to how, or even, you know, I know for me, like I love to hear stories but I can also check out, and so being able to just find that sweet spot and I think for sevens, this is something helpful for sevens to know, like don't give, like the step by step, every detail of the story version. You know you don't want to lose people, but you know, just having that sweet spot where they're sharing enough and you're listening to and not checking out.
Speaker 1:Sometimes the details make the story super funny, yes, and so I get. I get the story details to give. Yeah.
Speaker 2:But not uh, not every, not every detail.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean, you know, interesting for you to lead us on this number because you're going to have some listeners out there that you know.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, and I appreciate their willingness to let me share, and I appreciate, next week, that my husband will be here to share too.
Speaker 1:We are all excited. The world is excited. It's going to be great.
Speaker 2:I might be out of town.
Speaker 1:I might just let you two have the mics. Just plan a nap afterwards, oh goodness yeah.
Speaker 2:We may have to have part one and part two and part three. Yeah, people will probably want it too. This may be the biggest show you have to edit. Yeah, yeah, we try not to edit much here at all, I know, but sometimes, sometimes, Well, he has a couple of podcasts and, as you know, like when they tape their podcast, it's about an hour and a half to two hours that they record and then he edits it down to 30 minutes.
Speaker 1:Really. Yes, that's impressive, that's impressive. That's a lot of work, I couldn't do it.
Speaker 2:Oh, but I guess you know some of the best stuff is just in shooting the bull, which we do anyway. Yeah, but he's a professional, yeah, he's a professional bull shooter.
Speaker 1:We are butt amateurs, okay, kelly. Well, we've kept everybody long enough. Today we're going to sign off and thank you so much, and next week, yes, hartley will be here for our guest as the number seven, and we will see you next time. Bye Kelly, Bye Damon.