Exploring the Peacemaker: A Nine's Perspective with Guest Jeremy

In this episode of EnneagramU, hosts Damon and Kelly welcome a special guest - Kelly's cousin Jeremy, who is an Enneagram Type 9. 

Jeremy shares his journey of discovering he's a Nine, including how he initially thought he might be a Seven. The hosts explore what it's like to be on the healthy and unhealthy sides of a Nine, discussing topics like conflict avoidance, decision-making challenges, and the Nine's ability to bring harmony to any situation. Jeremy offers insights into how the Enneagram has helped him grow personally and in his relationships. 

The episode provides a candid and relatable look at the Peacemaker type through Jeremy's experiences, offering valuable perspectives for Nines and those who want to understand them better.

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Transcript

Speaker 1 0:04

Welcome to Enneagram U with Damon and Kelly, where we explore the mysteries of human personality and help you learn more about you. Whether you're a skeptic or an enthusiast, together we'll take you on a journey of self-discovery using the ancient wisdom of the Enneagram. This is Enneagram U. Hey everyone, welcome to Enneagram U. My name is Damon. I'm here with my friend Kelly. Hi Kelly, hey Damon, I don't have feelings today.

Speaker 2 0:29

You don't, no, I don't know why you do, you just don't know what they are.

Speaker 1 0:32

That's a problem with the nine. I know they don't know how they feel. No, you're very excited.

Speaker 2 0:46

No, I'm not Well. Maybe I can help prompt your feelings. So I know last week you were going on your trip to see Caitlin Clark.

Speaker 1 0:54

Did we not talk about that yet? No, really.

Speaker 2 0:57

No, I haven't seen you since you went on your trip. I've talked about it to so many people. Well, that shows the importance I am in your life.

Speaker 1 1:06

It was a great trip. Good, it was really fun, it was new, it was unique for us to do, it was exciting and it was a great basketball game. Good, and I, of course, went to the basketball game and we talked about the sports podcast.

Speaker 2 1:22

Yes, you were going to surprise them with a picture.

Speaker 1 1:25

Yeah, I was going to and I did. I sent a picture of me and Paula at the game.

Speaker 2 1:30

Yeah.

Speaker 1 1:30

And their response was Matt's response was stop, that's all he said. And then Zach's response was see if you can get Caitlin on our podcast. Oh right, Anyway, they won the game. It was really fun.

Speaker 2 1:45

It was one of the best basketball games.

Speaker 1 1:47

I've seen live because they beat a team they weren't supposed to beat Okay and so super excited.

Speaker 2 1:52

So yeah, that was really great.

Speaker 1 1:53

I would do it again.

Speaker 2 1:54

Okay.

Speaker 1 1:55

It was really fun.

Speaker 2 1:56

I think you found your sports niche.

Speaker 1 1:58

Well, for now. I mean, I think this year it's just been exciting to watch uh her go into the wnba and I think, kind of against most people's predictions, do really really well well, and against other players.

Speaker 2 2:11

I mean they throw her across the floor 17 of uh what do they call them?

Speaker 1 2:17

um the intentional foul? Uh like technical yeah, is against caitlin clark.

Speaker 2 2:22

Oh my gosh I mean, yeah, you see them push her.

Speaker 1 2:24

I mean she just flies, yeah, and then gets back up, yeah it's crazy, so I guess I could say that um, yeah, I'm feeling great because of that yeah, I'm so happy, happy that we took that trip.

Speaker 2 2:34

Good, yeah, I'm glad you guys got to get away and it's great. Do something fun together.

Speaker 1 2:38

Yeah, we got on the big screen you did kiss cam we, I, I asked paula, I let's do kiss if they show it up there, and she was like no, she wouldn't do it. So you can take that up with her. But anyway, yeah, they did this thing at the beginning. Very quickly, I'll try to explain this where you could scan, so it wasn't really during the game. Before the game they put a QR code up on the screen. You scan it, and then your phone becomes the camera that goes on the big screen Cool.

Speaker 1 3:03

So they've got some way that they're routing that, and so you just hold your camera up waiting and watching the big screen until they choose your phone. Okay, and they did, and then she video recorded us on the screen.

Speaker 3 3:16

So, we've got all that.

Speaker 2 3:18

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 3:19

We were. Yeah, it was fun you were on the big screen.

Speaker 2 3:21

Yeah, it was cool. Yeah, we were. Yeah, it was fun, you were on the big screen.

Speaker 1 3:23

Yeah, it was cool. Yeah, it was cool. The whole thing was great Good. A great experience Sold out, you know, I think, 17,000 people.

Speaker 2 3:29

Wow, something like that. It was great and they won. That's always a fun thing, especially if they're the underdog. Yeah.

Speaker 1 3:35

I don't know, I'm just like I passed, like she passes.

Speaker 2 3:42

She's talented, yeah, anyway so it's good.

Speaker 1 3:44

I think she's changing the game at the WNBA. I think she's changing it and I think that's a little bit Jordan-esque of how he kind of came in and changed the NBA a bit.

Speaker 2 3:54

And so just to see that at the beginning, is cool, so I don't know if I'll ever go back. You'll tell your grandchildren I remember when yeah, maybe.

Speaker 1 4:00

I remember when yeah, maybe, but it was a fun trip and we could drive there, so it was good. So anyway, that's me how about you.

Speaker 2 4:05

Yes, I am feeling excited, okay, so yeah, well, one is our guest today, which I will introduce here in a moment, yes, but the other is yeah, it's the start of the fall. I love this time of year. I'm sad that summer's over, but the weather has been so so I've been sitting out on my screen in port at night and that, to me, is just so life-giving I love, as we talked about last time, uh, getting ready for Mizzou football.

Speaker 1 4:30

It started. We won big time, destroyed the team.

Speaker 2 4:32

Yeah, yeah. So football weekend's ahead. Yeah, great, getting cooler. Yeah, this weekend's game. I am so excited because the temperature like the first game it was hot the entire game. I mean even when the sun went down it was still so hot, this game, so it's a seven o'clock game, I think at night, saturday night, the high that day is in the 70s lower 70s and the lows are going to be like in the 50s.

Speaker 3 4:58

I'm going to wear a sweatshirt.

Speaker 2 4:59

I am so excited, awesome, yeah, but even more important than that, I'm excited because we have a guest for our podcast for the nines. We're talking about nines this month, so we have a very special guest. So my cousin Jeremy is here in the studio. He's a nine and I am so excited because so I'm the oldest well, second oldest of all of our cousins.

Speaker 1 5:21

Step right up, jeremy, you can talk some.

Speaker 2 5:26

And Jeremy is of our cousins. Step right up jeremy you can talk about and jeremy is the youngest, so there is like 15 years in the gap between us. Um, and I am so excited because, like, our family's always been super close but now also we're close, uh, through the enneagram. So jeremy and I are on a pursuit to get all of our relatives to take the enneagram test.

Speaker 3 5:41

Uh, I did make my sister take it yeah we're arguing her number yes, yeah my wife took it the other day and then we're like a hundred percent, spot on.

Speaker 1 5:50

Again. Every guest we have has a great radio voice I think you're auditioning people Well.

Speaker 2 5:56

I mean succession plan.

Speaker 1 5:58

You need it. I've been trying to get out of this for years.

Speaker 2 6:02

No, but Jeremy is a nine and Jeremy has been a faithful listener of our podcast. He's a faithful listener of Hartley's podcasts, so yeah. So when we were talking about guests for the numbers, he was like, hey, could I come down Because he lives in St Louis. I was like, absolutely, If you'd love to come down, we'd love to interview you.

Speaker 3 6:19

So, jeremy, welcome what's up?

Speaker 2 6:21

Yes, All right, so again, just sharing a little bit about us as cousins. Also, a little tidbit that I have always felt very honored by is that when Jeremy was born, his mom and dad asked if I would be his godmother. When they asked me, I was so honored. I had no idea what I was supposed to do, but I just knew that, hey, if something happened to his mom and dad, I was going to take care of this baby, but I got to babysit Jeremy's one of four and so grew up babysitting them.

Speaker 2 6:51

I told my aunt Rosemary, who she just passed away this year, but I said one of the things that was such a gift was that she trusted me with being Jeremy's godmother, also trusted me with her children and also helped me to know that I didn't know if I could have four kids At one time I wanted five kids.

Speaker 1 7:08

I mean, this is before you know, having one but anyway, then you had this and you're like no two's enough?

Speaker 2 7:14

No, I get it, but you have another, you have three.

Speaker 1 7:16

Well, I have yes, you have, jeremy Two and a half.

Speaker 3 7:21

I'll let her have the two young ones I have now.

Speaker 2 7:24

But we joke around too, because if Jeremy and Hartley are together, people just assume that they're the cousins, they're the connections.

Speaker 1 7:30

I mean, people can't see us because we don't do YouTube yet, but y'all's height difference is a lot.

Speaker 2 7:38

It's dramatic. It's like Hartley and my height difference, right so.

Speaker 3 7:41

Hartley's really tall and her brother-in-law is also tall, so her sister, they're sisters and literally it's like all of us are up here and they're all down here yeah, yeah, the original family, uh, all around, you know, just a little over five feet, five, five the hopper, my family, all around six foot yes, which is so interesting because my mom is really petite and yet her brothers are tall.

Speaker 2 8:05

Well, my dad was the shortest of our family. He was 5'10".

Speaker 3 8:09

I think.

Speaker 1 8:13

And we're just like yep, he definitely has the hopper gene there. So confusing when coming over to your family. Your family reunions must be something else.

Speaker 3 8:19

It's actually entertaining because my wife is 5'10". She's 5'11", but at her parents' house you know, they have a shorter ceilings and she stands up and she's always like thinking she's going to hit a fan. I'm like Sarah. If anyone in this house is going to hit a fan, it's going to be a group of people before you. Hartley and Sean are walking right by there. No ducks, we're all.

Speaker 2 8:38

Yeah, it's just enough yeah gotcha. Yes, all right, but I am so excited, jeremy, that you're here. I'm excited too, and as a nine, we're talking about the nine as the person of peace and just that. Nines bring harmony, they bring connection into any situation. But tell us a little bit about how you came to know about the Enneagram and your number.

Speaker 3 9:00

It was definitely this podcast. Ok, I actually think I started listening to hartley's podcast first and I didn't know she had a podcast, and then hartley was like, oh, and my wife has a podcast, it's called the enneagram. You and I'm like I'm sorry, what? And like I think I text her like the next week and you guys maybe had 15 episodes out and I was like, so I listened to all of them and she's like yes she's like when did you find, find out? I'm like last week.

Speaker 2 9:24

I'm like I work, I was, I'm a driver, I'm a driver so.

Speaker 1 9:27

I literally just listened to podcasts all day long. On one and a half speeds. Yes, and I would recommend that for everyone. Yeah, you're not already at one and a half? You try it so like if I've never listened to it.

Speaker 3 9:37

It's still at one and a half. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'd recommend it.

Speaker 2 9:48

Well, our podcast has helped someone find their number.

Speaker 1 9:50

Well, we'll see here in a minute.

Speaker 2 9:52

Yes, so what resonated with you, Jeremy, about the nine?

Speaker 3 9:56

Well, so I was actually laughing because it's definitely the more of the peaceful like or like you, I just get along with everybody Like it's to a fault sometimes like in, like.

Emotional Compartmentalization and Growth

Speaker 3 10:07

The funny thing is you were talking about like, not knowing your feelings or whatever. If someone asks me something, I'm just going to go with whatever they're doing. Probably my wife will tell you what I'm actually thinking. It's a running joke, cause I had her take the test and she's a one and I was like, first of all, a hundred percent. She's the person that was like I needed to go to school every day. If she got to be in school, she was upset about it.

Speaker 3 10:26

I just found this out recently made me laugh because I thought her parents were the ones that did this. They're like we never cared about that. I'm like you know, what starting to make a lot more sense over here so but yeah, like, like, for the most part it's just like she's like no one ever seems to be mad at you. I'm like, well, I don't really like to make, I don't get them, I don't get mad. Yeah, and like if I do get mad there's, I don't like it and so I'm just like, nope, we're not doing that.

Speaker 2 10:51

So that's right. It's probably the unhealthy part of it but right, Well, that I add to. I think for nines it becomes a visceral experience, Like it just. It makes their skin crawl, stomach hurt, Just avoiding it. It seems like the better option.

Speaker 3 11:09

It's it's it's so much easier.

Speaker 2 11:11

Yeah.

Speaker 3 11:12

But I will. I mean, I'm better at it now. My wife, literally she'll be like, like I might be a couple of yeah, I'll tell you everything. So it doesn't really matter. So she's like yeah, it's just a running joke. She's just like yep, I just I saw you were mad. I'm like it's that's fine, need a little space to be able to process it.

Speaker 2 11:41

Let me think, to make sure the nine overreacting doesn't probably happen because they are so much either, pushing those feelings down on the inside, yes, but I think they're probably that thermostat is probably seeing that you're overreacting, when most people would be like, no, you barely had a reaction.

Speaker 3 11:58

To me if I raise my voice, I think I'm screaming. And it's not even in my voice Like you've never yelled. I'm like, I just feel like I'm screaming. And it's not even in my wife's like you've never yelled. I'm like. I just feel like. I'm like, no, that's not good.

Speaker 2 12:07

Yes, that's right, cause that intensity is probably there on the inside, and then the perception is coming out. Yeah, shove that down yeah.

Speaker 3 12:16

But yeah, like I'm on the on the unhealthy, I definitely have the unhealthy part a lot, because even like we were just talking about, like my mom passed away earlier this year, my, even like we were just talking about like my mom passed away earlier this year, my dad passed away right after our grandfather died 22 years ago. Yeah, so it's been one of those. But like everybody's like, oh, that was a traumatic event.

Speaker 1 12:31

I'm like it just happened and everybody's like, they're like.

Speaker 3 12:34

I mean literally, hartley said that to me like three months ago and I'm like, oh, and my wife's been saying that to me since I met her. She goes that's technically, and I'm like no, it just happened. And she's like no, that's not a good thing. I'm like, eh, it happened.

Speaker 2 12:51

I'm like I'm over here like nope, nope, it's fine, it's over there yeah.

Speaker 1 12:55

Well and.

Speaker 2 12:55

I think because that sense of even being able to compartmentalize, and so it's that facts versus letting the heart also have some space, and that can be really difficult because those emotions you know as we talk about, and the encouragement for all of us in journaling or recognizing our feelings, because if we don't, they say for nines, if that emotional tank fills up all the way, nines can be the angriest of all the numbers.

Speaker 3 13:16

Oh, I would agree with that, and I never really felt angry, but I'm like, hmm, you know what, maybe it's probably just back there somewhere. I'm like it's still not going to come out ever.

Speaker 2 13:26

Yeah.

Speaker 1 13:27

And we do have a tendency, uh, nines can compartmentalize and and push those feelings down and and actually move them out, kind of like, like you said when you compartmentalize, you just kind of remove it because you don't want to experience it.

Speaker 2 13:39

So yeah that, yeah, it's easy to do.

Speaker 1 13:43

It's easy to do, and so and so I think I think that's one of the reasons. When you say what's your emotion today, it's like I don't even know if I've thought about my emotion.

Speaker 3 13:50

You know, I really have to work that it is.

Speaker 1 13:53

it is it's intentional to to dig that up, and then sometimes it's not fun to dig that up.

Speaker 2 13:59

No, it doesn't bring peace. Yeah, right, exactly yeah. And yet you know paving that way from your head to your heart. You know to give the heart a voice, cause I think if we start that practice, those feelings do emerge because we're giving space for it.

Speaker 3 14:14

Yep, I always like to tell people I'm living the dream and they always are like are you okay? I'm like, yes, I'm fine I'm like I gotta be honest. I have a house, I have a wife, I have two girls.

Speaker 1 14:24

I'm like, I'm really pretty good, I'm like some stuff happens but you know what for the most?

Speaker 2 14:28

part I'm I'm doing pretty good so you've got peace in, like your current situation? Yes, and again I married the right person.

Speaker 3 14:35

Like again we found out she was a one, and I'm like that makes more sense, Cause we've never not clicked Like she like even tells me, like it cracks me up, Cause, like she's always like she's like I love you but I like you.

Speaker 1 14:46

And she goes, and that's a big deal to me.

Speaker 3 14:48

She goes every like we want to do things together.

Speaker 2 14:50

She's like I've never once like she goes we can and I'm so happy that we're just watching TV together. I'm like I am a hundred percent, a hundred percent there with you. So we talked about compatibility, like that. Nine in one, yeah, and they're a great team, and then just seeing them now as parents together, just such a great team with their girls, and it's very exciting. Yeah, that's cool. Yes, well, and so, jeremy, when you think about the Enneagram, how has it helped you as you're thinking about growing personally, cause, this.

Speaker 3 15:17

Think about the Enneagram. How has it helped you as you're thinking about growing personally, Because this is a newer thing for you and I read the. What was the name of?

Navigating Relationship Dynamics and Self-Discovery

Speaker 2 15:21

the book the Road Back to you. The Road Back to you.

Speaker 3 15:22

So again, I'm a little bit of an overachiever some days.

Speaker 1 15:25

So I shoot over to a one every once in a while, once you get going, man, once I get going, like my wife even gets annoyed.

Speaker 3 15:30

She's just like Once I want to do something, I just need everybody to move.

Speaker 1 15:35

Think about how many podcasts you listen to there were 15, and you did them all.

Speaker 2 15:40

Yeah, I'm sensing some eight in there too. Like conquer, I shoot back and forth.

Speaker 3 15:45

Probably very well, but yeah, like after reading the book, we were laughing when I got to the list of what a nine is and I read them and my wife's, like you, literally have checked everything on that list.

Speaker 3 15:55

She's like there might be one that maybe is not you, but you probably been there at some point. I'm like, yeah, but like reading that and just knowing, I'm like okay, maybe I should let a little bit more out every once in a while and kind of deal with things as they come instead of just bottling them down.

Speaker 3 16:09

But she is also very good at like pulling those out of me. So I was like that's again. Look at the pairing there is like seeing what we are and like, oh, like she now knows like we were joking about, I think in the book even it said uh, if you're gonna ask a nine where to go eat for the night, don't just say where, like we actually I think our first fight ever was she goes well.

Speaker 3 16:27

You just seem like you're going along with everything and like where I'm like, because I don't care where I eat yeah, like I don't, but like literally, we're talking about this. I'm like give me three options, I'll give you, I'll tell you, well, the three. I'm like give me three options, I'll give you, I'll tell you what out of the three.

Speaker 1 16:39

But I'm like if you just say where do you want to eat? I'm like I don't care when do you want to eat.

Speaker 3 16:42

I'm like it's food. I'm like what are you in the mood for? I'm like.

Speaker 2 16:52

I'll tell you if I don't want to eat there. Yeah, and that is so true, cause they say uh, you know, is the the food? Uh, you know, what do you want to have for dinner? Where do you want to go eat? And nines really don't care, uh. But so I think the great solution is give me three and I'll pick one, yeah and then you can.

Speaker 1 17:08

You can move past that, I think, where, when someone says where do you want to eat, you can catch yourself and instead of saying I don't care, which you really don't and I really really don't either. It's like, but maybe I do Because there is a list of things that, like you said, I can tell you where I don't want to go.

Speaker 3 17:25

So you do have an opinion With my wife. I'm like, wherever you choose, I'm probably going to be okay with this.

Speaker 2 17:31

So for me, I would try to make a practice of saying I'm going to make a decision here on where we're going to go.

Speaker 1 17:42

It may not even be what I really want, but I'm just going to do it.

Speaker 2 17:43

Yeah, you're just going to pull the trigger. So that there doesn't have to be cause, then it becomes almost like a conflict or it can be a conflict. I think they say that's one of the number one things couples fight about which is hilarious.

Speaker 1 17:49

Yeah, it's an exercise. You know, it's just like. It's like lifting a weight or going for a run. It's like I'm going to practice making a decision quickly Because nines make slow decisions a lot of times. Yeah, that's good, that is true, yeah.

Speaker 2 18:06

Well, and like you were saying too, jeremy, as we grow personally, we do start to feel invited into some things that may be uncomfortable, like you're saying, damon, with I've got to make a decision and that's not comfortable a lot of times.

Speaker 1 18:14

For a nine.

Speaker 2 18:15

The other thing that's not comfortable is recognizing some of those feelings because they don't feel like peaceful feelings, especially some of the other. You know feelings like you know mad or sad or confused, or you know worried. But being able to do that actually then gives you peace, which I know doesn't make sense. But what we don't recognize so often is like how much those feelings are disrupting our peace until we're starting to process and deal with them.

Speaker 3 18:40

Yeah, Releasing them a little bit Releasing them, yes, yes.

Speaker 2 18:43

And being able, you know, to even start with, because it feels so big to feel like. What am I feeling? You know, look at all the feeling words, but being able for the three of us in the gut triad to start with the anger you know, like, okay, what have I been angry about?

Speaker 2 18:56

And it may not be I'm irate, but it could be like hey, what was I annoyed about today, you know? Or where did I feel resigned, you know? Or just where did I notice even that apathy, because that can be sometimes anger. Where was I sarcastic?

Speaker 3 19:12

Oh, that's my entire life. No one would doubt. My whole family is sarcastic, though we come by. Honestly, her love language is sarcastic, my mom was the worst at it and still the funniest, because you were just like. I don't know if she knows that's not sarcastic. She said a little too hard of a truth right there.

Speaker 2 19:30

I don't know. I wonder with your mom if she was an eight, I would say probably she would speak the truth, but she would be able to speak it a lot of times in love.

Speaker 1 19:37

Yes.

Speaker 2 19:37

Yeah, I remember when she was in the hospital. She had just a long battle.

Speaker 3 19:45

It was not a good last three years.

Speaker 2 19:47

No, and I remember I went to the hospital to visit with her and we were just there talking and probably after 45 minutes or so, she said your grandpa used to say hospital visits need to be about 15 minutes. You know, talking. And probably after 45 minutes or so she said you know, she said your grandpa used to say hospital visits need to be about 15 minutes. And I said, I said I get it. I said I probably worn you out and she said no, it's been good. She said, but yeah, I'm tired.

Speaker 3 20:12

And so I was just like it wasn't like mean, but it was like yeah, and like like the last time, I think we we saw my mom, like we were there with my wife and my daughter and my wife was pregnant and at that point she was hoping to make it to see the newborn which did not happen, but she, she literally goes. Okay, it was good seeing you, love you, and I was just like I guess we're done here and it was just such a time and again, I think it was more.

Speaker 3 20:35

She was super tired she was. She was not like it was like I've never, but I always just laugh because I'm like that's very blunt, Good job.

Generational Reflections and Personal Growth

Speaker 2 20:44

I've never been offended by my mom, so she always just had a way of doing it with love you know, for sure. So yeah, but I love to even like with our families, you know, and maybe, like maybe our families are wanting to do the Enneagram. You know, I know probably all of our cousins are yes, because we've got several that are like really into it. But you know.

Speaker 2 21:05

Then you look back and I think, like our grandparents, I really feel like my grandma and grandpa were a seven, eight I think because one time my a friend of mine said you know, it's hardly more like your mom or your dad and I thought about that for a while and I was like I don't see really either of them in Hartley. But then later it was like he's my grandpa.

Speaker 1 21:25

Totally.

Speaker 2 21:25

And then our grandma too. She was very much protective, very loving, but also she could I don't even know set set those boundaries, you know, set things straight. She and my grandpa, if they were bickering about something like there was not going to be a like, okay, I'll just surrender. She was like, yes, it is, no, it's not, you know. And so I I really feel like looking back at their combination. You know not that, we know for sure, but there were some signs.

Speaker 3 21:53

Yeah, and like I was so much younger. But I just love my grandma. I was sick and they were watching me and one of the only memories I truly do have of her is when I was sick. She went out, got me Surge soda and my mom was like you gave him Surge. She was like he's sick and he wanted Surge. I'm like she's right, that is exactly what I asked for and she got two, two liters for one day. She was like they were on sale and I'm like all right, and she's like do you want to take these home with you?

Speaker 3 22:22

And my mom was like no, he doesn't know. I'm like well, I'll drink them here next time.

Speaker 2 22:26

I come over. So it is fun, I think, in relating to other people just knowing their numbers, and I love too that you and Sarah have having those conversations, because I think it can be really helpful for couples you know, knowing those things, that's the one thing I like we were very good at communication, Like even when, like she knows when I'm upset about something, but like I will tell her something.

Speaker 3 22:44

Like I won't, I won't hold it for the rest of my life. It might take me a week, but she knows I'm going to get to her eventually.

Speaker 2 22:50

And that she's not done hunting you down, you know, because I think that's the one thing for a nine if you feel back in the corner a lot, then it can feel like you might move into that eight of just like, um, you know, aggressiveness or uh, just shut down even more yeah, yeah, and she always makes jokes that she goes I can throw you in a room with anybody and somehow you're gonna have their number and be best friends with them by the time I'm like yeah, I'm sorry, mike

Speaker 2 23:12

I don't actively go talk to people, they just come to me yes, yes, and you know, I know, when we first started talking about the Enneagram, I could see a lot of seven in Jeremy too, I would have thought I was a 700%.

Speaker 3 23:22

And then we read, then I read the book.

Speaker 2 23:23

I'm like Nope, I'm like a hundred percent, but I think it's that sense of like you have a way of coming in and harmonizing, like you don't leave more of that extroverted nine not that you have to be an extrovert, but like, just that sense of like I'm going to connect with people, I'm going to you know, and people are just drawn to you in that.

Speaker 3 23:46

So yeah, I was in sales for two or 10 years, so it's probably a little bit of like I just kind of can read more people and what they're doing. Yes, yeah, for sure.

Speaker 2 23:55

Yeah, and so you know, one of the questions we like to ask is what is it like to be on the other side of you?

Speaker 3 24:00

So what is it like to be on the other side of you when you're healthy, when you're in that healthy it's probably good because I'm just going with the flow and I'm very you know, I mean again like my, my wife, like we would joke about. She's actually, she said the main reason she married me is because she met my family and friends and how much they love me and I was like oh, oh, yeah, I was like one of my best friends.

Speaker 3 24:25

His parents call me their second son. Yeah, because, and they're like and she's like no, they really mean that.

Speaker 2 24:27

I'm like oh, yeah, I do not doubt that.

Speaker 3 24:30

yes, but yeah, like I mean, for the most part it's just like I'm very easygoing, so it's just kind of nice.

Speaker 2 24:37

Yes, oh for sure, yeah, and I think that sense of when you're in someone else's presence there feels like there's that connection, yes, even when it may be a lot of people there I'm thinking of family gatherings it's like when family leaves. Let's say, recently we had all of our family at the lake. When family um, you know, it's like you sometimes think, oh, did we really get to visit with?

Speaker 2 25:00

different people um, you know, but like when you've been there, you know, or when we hang out like I do, walk around and talk to everybody yes, you do, and it just it feels like this, this connection um for sure.

Speaker 1 25:10

Well, sometimes you've mentioned nines being glue yes and so if jeremy was not at your family event, it would feel like maybe some of the glue wasn't there. Something's missing, yeah yeah.

Speaker 2 25:19

Something's missing there which is so cool, cause it's the youngest of all the cousins. It's like, oh, what a way to have a like this finale. You know, well, it's nice, it's like now.

Speaker 3 25:29

I'm like learning as an adult. I'm like now. I'm like huh, when did that happen?

Speaker 1 25:43

They'll be telling me something like was I there? They're like you might've been, that's normal yeah.

Speaker 3 25:46

I'm like it's okay, I miss a lot of things. It's not the biggest end of the world.

Speaker 2 25:50

Right? I think yeah, as that youngest, you know there's so much history. And then by the time you were early teenager, I know our grandmother had passed away.

Speaker 3 26:00

Well, we have three years. I think she died in 99. Then grandpa in bed died in 2002.

Speaker 2 26:06

Yeah, so there were three years there where we lost both of our grandparents and then Jeremy's dad passed away really quickly after our grandfather. So it was a lot to process.

Speaker 3 26:16

It was an interesting five weeks. Yes, wow, yes.

Speaker 3 26:19

Very difficult, um, but you know, with that too, uh yeah, just being able to see that glue that you bring uh to to your friends, to your family, to probably, you know, like you said, even work situation I do have a lot of friends that crack me up, that are like, they're like we would not be friends if we didn't hang out with you and I'm like, oh, I'm like okay, because I mean like, and the funny thing is I have, for a long time, a lot of friends that were police officers and a lot of friends that were not police officers but we would hang out and play, like you know, have like a poker game and like one of my friends was like there's no way all of us would be in the same room if he didn't know you to come to this yeah, I'm like oh my god I don't see a problem with all of you hanging out so just get over

Speaker 1 26:58

it you're like the hub, yeah, yes, the diplomat, yes that's right for sure.

Speaker 2 27:03

Well, and then on the other side of that, like, what is it like to be on the other side of you when you're unhealthy?

Speaker 3 27:07

unhealthy I procrastinate hardcore like I am yeah, like I mean, when I do decide to do something, I shoot over to that one and I get things done. But it's like sometimes I I'm like, oh yeah, I have this list of things and like, again, every story has Sarah in it. But, she laughs at me because she's like you have like a list of things and you just let it go, go, go, and then all of a sudden you're like I need to get everything done in five minutes.

Speaker 3 27:28

And I'm like, yeah, I'm like I would love to be able to do, and then I'm like I get distracted and yeah.

Speaker 2 27:36

Yeah, yeah. Does that resonate with you, damon?

Speaker 3 27:44

No, he's like, he's like.

Speaker 1 27:47

Oh, I get things done all the time. I'm going to say yes. Um, I'm going to say not as much as it used to but, yes, there was a time where, yeah, procrastination was.

Speaker 3 27:57

And I will say the same like I'm like knowing all this, I'm like it's not near, I'm not nearly as much of a press procrastinator anymore, but like.

Speaker 1 28:04

I do let I'm like okay.

Speaker 3 28:05

I'll just get that done in the morning.

Speaker 1 28:16

Yeah, sure, and that morning turns into play with her.

Speaker 3 28:18

I'll do that instead, okay.

Speaker 1 28:20

That's good, because that that was kind of what I was going to say is one of the ways I still do. That is by doing other tasks that aren't the task that needs done, and so, and sometimes that's just I don't know if that is like a disconnection from that task or if that's like working up to that task or why I'm doing that. But I'm always going to do something, but it may not be the thing that I need to do right.

Speaker 1 28:44

And so I think that is again something I have to watch and say well, I'm over here doing the dishes, but really I need to whatever do the taxes.

Speaker 2 28:52

you know what I mean. So it's April 15th. Those are important, yeah Well, and so you know you give so much into relationships. So what would you say that you might need from others, or what would you like others to know about, what would be just ways to relate to you?

Speaker 3 29:12

I mean, I'm really just good at relating with people so I'm like for the most part, like I don't like when someone tells me and like I was joked that for the longest time I don't like when someone tells me, I always joke that for the longest time I don't argue with people Ever since moving to St Louis I live now near my sister.

Speaker 2 29:24

Yes.

Speaker 3 29:24

Who we were eight years apart, so we've never spent this much time together, if you really think about it.

Navigating Family Dynamics and Self-Discovery

Speaker 3 29:29

And we argue all the time and I laugh because she's like well, I remember something this way. I'm like I was there, I'm not here this way. I'm like I was there. I'm not this way and again it's just two different versions of the same thing, but it's like her. And then even my father-in-law. I joke with him all the time. I'm like man, I have not had a dad in a long time. I did not know you argued this much and he was just like cause, he'll just tell me something. I'm like that's just not right.

Speaker 1 29:49

And he's just like no.

Speaker 3 29:51

I'm like nope, the most part like I don't know, just like being like okay, like I like to see other people's point of views but sometimes I'm like, I'm like, just see my point of view I'm like. I have one. It might not agree with you.

Speaker 2 30:07

Well, and like you said, you know there are different ways that we experience situations, and so I think that can be one of the things within families where there's conflict, because different people had different perspectives of what happened, and so then we fight about the facts, even though it's the perspective. So, yeah, I totally get that of like hey, just recognize we have different ways of seeing the same situation, not right or wrong.

Speaker 3 30:27

No one's always right.

Speaker 2 30:28

No, that's right. As someone who tries to be yes. Well, I love what you said, too, about just even if it is something that you really believe in, you're going to stand up and defend it you know, because that's not right not to. So you hear your one wing coming out there. Yeah.

Speaker 3 30:43

It's pretty great.

Speaker 2 30:46

Well, anything else that you'd like to share, jeremy, about just your experience as a nine, or?

Speaker 3 30:52

I mean it's, it's pretty great. Again I enjoy it Like I do, like I will. I strongly thought I was a seven.

Speaker 1 30:58

Like.

Speaker 3 30:59

I'm like. I'm like when I read that and when I did the first test, I'm like I mean I'm only having a nine by just a little bit. But I'm like when I read the book and then did another test, I'm like, nope, I'm definitely a nine.

Speaker 2 31:09

Well, looking at the motivations, again that is the key.

Speaker 3 31:12

And with the seven I was like, maybe it's just, I hung around a lot of sevens for a while and it just kind of made me feel in that group. Yeah Well, and.

Speaker 2 31:19

I would say sometimes too, as children, a lot of children really resonate in that seven, you know, and then you start to grow up and get to know yourself more. You start to adult and then you start to really emerge like, okay, what does motivate me, you know, and that's why it's good not to typecast anybody.

Speaker 3 31:34

I was definitely a child till 28.

Speaker 1 31:36

Yes, when I met my wife, I was like oh, I'm an adult, yes, okay, and maybe just being extroverted.

Speaker 3 31:45

It's another thing that, yes, I'm definitely. Yeah, I have to. I can't sit at home like I was actually unemployed at the beginning of 2020 and no one was doing anything and my wife was working from home and she goes that was like, mind you, we got through all that just fine, so she's like we're 100% together but, like she was just laughing because she's like I would wake up, take a shower, get dressed and I was like, okay, I need to go hike or I need to go.

Speaker 3 32:07

I'm like I had enough. She's like you need like a game plan every day. I'm like yeah, I don't like to not I need, and then I would being able to just like someone's like hey, we're going to a bluegrass festival. I'm like sure, let's go find out what it's like.

Speaker 2 32:23

So, but yeah, I was talking to a nine this morning and I said it's almost like seeing, like life is, like this river, and if nines, like if they could set up, maybe, their perfect world, it would be just getting in the river on their raft and just seeing where the day takes them. And just seeing where the day takes them, you know. So I'm sure that 2020 had its benefits of like, I feel like going on a hike.

Speaker 3 32:41

Yeah, I did a lot. I did a picture a day for that entire year, posted on Instagram for 366 days. And I was literally like oh, this is fun. And then I got done. I was like I don't want to do it again.

Speaker 2 32:54

But then I was like, well, no, I'm good now. It got hard some days, especially when I started working again I was like, uh, yeah, no, I'm definitely the.

Speaker 3 33:02

I'm like the path leads you where it's going to go. You can't really do much to it which? A lot of people also think is just you're going with it. I'm like I'm going with it because I can't change it.

Speaker 2 33:11

Well, we need that personality to be able to go with things.

Speaker 3 33:14

I met my wife technically a decade, or not even a decade, but like when she was 21 randomly at the fair because she was friends with two people I knew and she went to college with them, that we were joking, that she's like I met you so many times over the years, like I was at a party one time and her, her boyfriend and I were hanging out the entire night and she goes I was so mad at you Cause you took my boyfriend to hang out with him one night and I was just like, oh, I'm sorry, I was like he boyfriend to hang out with him on that and I was just like, oh, I'm sorry.

Speaker 3 33:41

I was like he was cool and I talked to him and she was just like, I'm like, I'm like, but if you really think about it, I'm like I would not change anything that's happened in my life, Cause it always gets me to where I'm at now. It's like I can't, really, you can't, anything I would have changed. I might not have been where I'm at. I'm like I have a brother, a nine, there's more than one of me.

Speaker 2 33:54

That's good, and it was.

Speaker 1 33:55

it was really interesting hearing hearing your perspective and I resonated with a lot of it. I'm still not convinced. I'm a hundred percent of nine, but that's another episode.

Speaker 2 34:13

That was a previous episode and I'm sure we need to give all the tests Jeremy have taken to you the books.

Speaker 3 34:19

Just read the book. You'll just read the one part of the book and you'll be 100% yes, I did.

Speaker 1 34:23

That's the book that got me it was the road back to you that I was like oh no that's right.

Speaker 2 34:30

That's when you about had a wreck. I was so mad as he was reading it.

Speaker 1 34:34

I'm like man he's got me down here it was bad, but it was also helpful.

Speaker 3 34:40

Yes.

Speaker 1 34:41

Well, thank you for being here, Kelly. Thank you for asking all the good questions.

Speaker 2 34:44

Well, thank you, Damon.

Speaker 1 34:45

Yep, and I will see everyone next time on the podcast. Bye Kelly, bye Damon, bye Damon, bye Damon, bye Damon.