Episode 30: Put On Your Big Girls Pants - Raising Saints and Finding Adult Friends with Brittany and Tiffany

Navigating The Deliberate Day

Do you struggle with making adult friends who are moving in the same direction as you? Are developing new habits a struggle? Are you lost in the midst of motherhood and looking for a sign of hope?

This is your episode friend! Today I am joined by Brittany White and Tiffany Parke of The Deliberate Day. These incredible moms who have very different temperaments, show us that sometimes, you just have to put on your big girl panties and find joy in your organized chaos. This episode covers:

• Tips for developing new habits
• How to show up when your people need you and you’re falling apart
• Better ways to organize your day
• How art leads us to prayer
• How to make adult friends
• Prayer tips for busy moms

These ladies also share two secrets on what moms need to know to thrive, right now. Listen until the end and don’t forget to head on over to www.thedeliberateday.org to get 20% off on the best selling 12-week Deliberate Day Planner or the 6-week Deliberate Day Journal and Planner by using PODCAST20 at checkout.

Connect with Brittany and Tiffany
Instagram: @thedeliberateday
Checkout the podcast: https://thedeliberateday.org/podcast 

Get Coached!

Set up a free Exploration Call with Kylie: https://kyliemhein.kartra.com/calendar/ExplorationCall 

Connect on Instagram: @kyliemhein

Send an email: info@kyliemhein.com

Transcript

0:00

I have Brittany and Tiffany here from The Deliberate Day. Brittany is a Catholic mother of 11 with seven wild but amazing ones here on earth and four in heaven. She is a homeschool mom, a lover of chai, anything, thinks everything is better organized, and has been married to her best friend since she was 18. Tiffany is a Catholic convert and mother of six with five crazy children here on earth and one precious little in heaven. You'll never see her without a coffee in hand. Maybe two. And she enjoys Brittany's affinity for organization and planning, but her real passion is art. All things art. She's been married for 20 years and has a caregiver to her wounded warrior for 12 of those years. Brittany and Tiffany host the deliberate day podcast together and are cohorts in creating a variety of resources that help mothers from their personal prayer life to organizing the day to day chaos, because it's what they know best. This episode is. So full of practical and applicable advice and tips that anyone can implement, whether you have children or not. I hope you love it as much as I do. I have been adding things into my life ever since I listened to this episode that have been so helpful. So stay tuned. It's a really great one.

Kylie: 2:10

I would love it if you all could help me in welcoming Brittany and Tiffany from The Deliberate Day. Yay! Thank you! Thank you so much for having us. This one is going to be super fun, I can tell already. But can you guys just... Can you briefly introduce yourselves and tell us a little more about you and where you're located? So, I'm Brittany. I am a mother to seven. Here on Earth And then I have four precious little ones up in heaven. I live in Florida and I have been a Floridian through and through my whole life. I was raised here, grew up here. My husband pretty much spent his whole life here as well. So this is where we call home for sure. It's not necessarily the place where we love the weather the most, but it is home and I have a lot of my family in and around us, so I have a huge Catholic family that extends out from my mother. She has, five siblings and they're all in the area. They all have eight, nine kids each. And so I've got a ton of cousins, a ton of aunts and uncles, and just a ton of family here in this area. And I'm Tiffany. I have five. Children here. One beautiful soul in heaven and I'm a transplant. So we originally came from Minnesota. My husband and I, we grew up just like probably five blocks from one another and went to Cheyenne, Wyoming. So we visited Nebraska where you are, I think, right? Yes. And we have driven through there several times. I've driven through. Yes. Which is an experience. better than Iowa. I have to say, wow, I don't think I ever love you, but no, yes, no, not as good of an experience. Really? Yeah. Oh, no. Nebraska was better than Iowa. I agree. Yeah. Okay. And here's why they move the mile markers closer together and they lower the Speed limit in Iowa, pay attention, pay attention. That's what they do. So anyway, so we went to Cheyenne, we went to Tucson in Arizona, and then we ended up here in Florida. And when we were picking where we were going to live forever, I was like, listen, I can't shovel. Driveways for the rest of my life. And I don't want to load. I have no desire to learn how to use a snowblower. So we decided to stay here. Yeah. Yes. Good choice. That's so funny because that's like my least favorite winter is so hard. I love the different seasons, but winter is so hard for me. I do not like being cold. So, uh. Thank you both for being here. Enjoy your Florida weather. And Tiffany, we love transplants because we learn so much from you. Yes. Yes. It's it's a thing. Absolutely. A lot of southern, uh, hospitality when you live down here. All of the hugging and that getting in your personal space and the yes ma'aming and no ma'aming and and a bless your heart unless your heart. I thought that was such a good thing. I was like, everyone is blessing me. Say it. A lot of us say it with a no generous heart. It's not with a generous heart. It's a mean thing though. Nope. It's not mean. It's the nicest way to say, Oh, honey, you're a hot mess. That's what that. We just say you're a hot mess. Yes, they do. That's yeah. Well, no, Minnesotans wouldn't say that if you just like, okay, hi. Yeah. You know, uh, smile and not, and then just go away and talk about it later. Right? Like that's what Minnesotans do. Ah, I see. So you do talk about us later. You're just nice. That's, that's the genial upfront. It's Minnesota. Nice. It's not like through and through nice all the time, but like, if you're in a store, we see that you look confused. This happened to me all the time. We'll offer to help you. People constantly help you even if you're a bless your heart. Yes. That's yes. They will. True hospitality. Yes. Okay. You guys have been doing some really incredible work on your podcast this month, and I think you are touching so many women's. Hearts right now. Can you tell us a little bit about what the theme for your podcast has been for October? Yes, so the theme has been pregnancy and infant loss, and it stemmed from the fact that I have four losses and Tiffany has one, and it's been something that's weighed on our heart a lot. And then as we've had the opportunity to speak to a lot of other women, we found out that really not many people talk about miscarriage. It's just not something that's shared very often or comes up very often, but when we would share it. It was like mothers would come out of the woodwork and suddenly they were messaging us or talking to us quietly and we realized it was kind of this quiet hurt that just lingers with you and not many people seek healing. Because it's, it almost feels different. It seems like mothers feel like it's not, it's as big a loss to them as anything, but it almost feels societally that it's not that much of a loss. And so we don't seek the help that we could actually be seeking, or the community that we really need to seek, because we just don't really know where to start, or what to do, or how to even begin the conversation. So that was really what this month of October was for us, was to really start the conversation. And we started it, I feel like, with a bang because we shared our own stories and that was a very Just raw and honest conversation and lots of tears, actually, on the podcast, but it ended up being incredibly beautiful and somewhat healing and just an amazing opportunity to reach out to some beautiful women, including, including our fantastic host today. Yeah. It was all so, so wonderful and so beautiful as well. So. Yeah, if you get a chance, I think that it has the potential to really touch so many different hearts. And we've already heard from a lot of women who have reached out to us and thanked us for bringing light to this topic and for sharing some of those. Darker pieces and parts of experiencing a miscarriage that people don't often speak about. Yeah. So, I listened to a clip from your episode that came out, as we're recording, it came out yesterday, or you posted on Instagram yesterday. And I, this question I think relates not only to those who have had infant loss, but just brokenness. And you talked about, you know, you've gone through this, this terrible tragedy, and you are feeling so broken. But you still have your children and your living children who need you. So I'm curious, how do you keep going when you feel broken but you're surrounded by people who still need you? I think it's this deep sense of love. I don't even know that I could explain how I managed beyond the fact that there was obviously a ton of grace that I didn't even have the wherewithal to really ask for, like I wish that I had. But it was just this deep love of... And really sacrificial love of kind of setting myself aside and saying, okay, I, I still have to love my people. I still have to care for my people. And I think in some ways we have to be careful with that because it's easy to put yourself completely on the back burner or take yourself off the stove entirely. And I don't think that's healthy. But I will say with all of the things that I've experienced in my life, coming back to children, I think was It's actually a gift in disguise because I think God perfectly helped me to push past where I would have wallowed or I would have given up to care for people outside of myself. And that pushed me through a lot of really difficult things. That being said, I wish that I had sought more help for myself during that time, as far as emotional healing had gone. But I do think love kind of just pulls you through to help you care for your kids, even if you're, you know, there are some dark days and you have really low points. But I think that all moms are still doing for their families, you know, even through all of these struggles. What about you, Tiff? I really think that the kids, just in speaking, not, not even necessarily about miscarriage, but when you have loss or you have a giant shift where like my husband came home wounded, right? Like when, when those big girl panties are sitting there waiting for you and you have no other choice but to put them on because you have to be there for the other people in your life. And Yeah. Like Brittany said, though, I think that there is a There's a caveat there that you can forget about yourself entirely. And I don't think that's what it is, but also, and I think probably this is where you would go to. That's when you get to say, okay, Jesus. Okay. Mary. I can't do this. I can't love these people today the way that I'm meant to, so I need you to love them through me. Or, this is where I have to kinda, we're, you know, we're tag teaming here. High five, like, you have to take over. Because we can't do it on our own. There's, it's just not possible without divine intervention. Yeah. Grace upon grace upon grace. That's so beautiful. We talk in Catholic coaching a lot about, you know, we can control our, our emotions and our thoughts and our actions, but we can't control any of the other circumstances, right? Things that are outside of our locus of control. but there, there does come a point where we can only do so much in our own minds and we do have to ask for that divine intervention and really. Be intentional as much as we are able in those moments to, like Brittany said, look for those perfectly placed people who God has given us to carry us through that difficult and, and not be so stubborn that we don't ask for help, whether it is asking for help from God or asking for help from other people. I think that that's so key. Yeah, I absolutely agree. So as raising moms, or as moms who are raising many saints, I'm curious, how do you guys stay out of survival mode and maintain any kind of peace in your day to day life? That is a good question. I almost feel like, I feel like there's, there's survival mode and then there's almost organized chaos. And I don't think we necessarily come out of organized chaos until we have much older children. And we're not really taking care of toddlers or, you know, bigs and littles anymore. Maybe, maybe that changes, but right now that seems to be where I'm at. Constant organized chaos. But that's a much, much better solution. Much better place to be in than survival mode, I feel like. Well. We have a great example from today. I was sure that we had choir at 11 30 and I was texting Brittany furiously and she reminded me that it was at 11 o'clock. At Tent Hill. At Tent Hill. And I made it there five minutes late. However, but community can bring you out of survival mode like nothing else can. Yeah, it really can. And I mean, it's a funny example, but there have been other days where Brittany is like, Oh, what do we have to have? And I'm like, well, we have to have this. So we can't do this alone. We just can't. I think also because I love organization so much, I think that getting a handle on anchors to your day is hugely impactful. It has been for me. I have a lot of people, a lot of emotions, a lot of different personalities and temperaments that are under my roof. And so it's like I said, it's constant chaos. You know, we, we look great on Instagram, but my kids still argue with each other. My kids. I still don't want to do their homework and I have to stay on top of them when we're homeschooling. I still have to battle with some of my kids sometimes when we're doing work and I still have to get people on chores again and again and again, you know, or walk around a dirty house and lament the fact that my house looks like the way it does. But I do think that there are core parts of our day and core elements to our motherhood that if we can start to work on those little by little. Because moms tend to do things in big spurts and then quit. Because we get completely fed up with what's going on and so we go for change. And then we quit, because that change is too big, and it's too hard, and it's too complicated. Because it's not just us changing, it's hard enough to break a bad habit all on your own. But when you have to break a bad habit, and create a new one that replaces it, and invite all of your people along with you? That is not an easy thing to do. So creating change in small areas and getting anchors to your day, like your wake up routine. Your kid's naps, that's an anchor to your day. Any mother can tell you that nap time is sacred. It is the most sacred time of the day, possibly more than nighttime sleep, because nap time is the most important time of the day. And why is it always when the male person, the FedEx and the UPS people, who we love, Yeah. But they like to ring the doorbell during nap time. I always had a sign on my door that said, Baby sleeping. If you wake them, you have to stay. Yeah. Did it work? Yes. Actually, no one rang our doorbell anymore. They would even do like the slightest like tiniest little knock too. So yeah, but now time is an anchor. What time is an anchor? Meals are an anchor. I think, especially if you're a stay at home mom, you've got three meals a day and really like it or not. Your people do have to eat and those do anchor our day in a huge way. A lot of things happen around those anchors too, because when we look at these anchors to our day, we can start to tie good habits. To them, we can start to, okay, we wake up every morning at this time. Now we can tie in, Hey, every time I brush my teeth, I'm actually gonna say this prayer that I've posted on my mirror. Mm-Hmm. You know, little ways that we can start to build in and stack these good habits. It's gonna make it so much more easy to do that. And I think in motherhood. It's so easy to get lost in the chaos, like I said. So to kind of hone down and use, there are so many different things you can use, but I'm totally going to plug my journal here because I really love it for this reason. It helps me to stay very focused. I tend to get scattered and overwhelmed with all the things that I have to do every day and all the things I want to do every day. So I specifically made a journal that helps me focus my mind and helps me focus my day and gives me very clear, a lot of clarity, very clear directions on what is the most important thing to accomplish. And then it also reminds me to make time for prayer, which are two things that I really have a hard time with getting really clear on what I need to do and then making time for prayer. So, That is something I use every day without fail. I have used it for, gosh, three or four years now going on, and I am never without it. You answered so many of my questions without me even asking. Like, like, what, what can organization and efficiency offer us in our prayer lives? You already covered that and how to help people like me who are not organized and efficient all of the time. So, that's amazing. Uh, Sam someone, I, I'm really good about maybe I can fill out the journal like one week and then I lose it or I forget where I put it and I'm in a different place. How do I better develop that habit so that once I actually fill it out, I stick to it and I don't go into my sanguine temperament of like, Ah, I don't really feel like doing that. So John Acuff talks about the day after perfect. In, in, uh, everywhere. He talks about it everywhere. And I think before you even begin something like having Brittany's journal, right? Having a journal that you're working on. I think the first day you fill it out when you're still really excited about it, you begin to make a plan for, okay, what happens when I miss this three Tuesdays from now and I'm tempted not to come back? That's when maybe you say a prayer. for help inconsistency. That's when you say you make a decision in your own mind. Okay, I know there's going to be a day after perfect, there's going to be a day that I'm going to fail. And that's fine. I will just remember that I promised myself never to miss two days in a row. And acknowledging that up front. You don't have to feel guilt about it. You don't have to feel shame about it, but just saying this is life. I have a bunch of kids. It's going to happen. And here's what I'm going to do when it happens can be really big with journaling or with prayer or with a family rosary or. Yeah. All of it. Anything. Really. The day after perfect. Having an idea and a plan for that is extremely helpful. And for me, being a perfectionist, the minute that I quit filling it out, I'm like, Oh, well, can't use that anymore because can't mark that day, can't fill out all those boxes. So we're done. Uh, I feel terrible about myself and I'm just going to, yeah, exactly. But here's the thing, like motherhood is the most imperfect thing that we're probably ever going to do. Like we're all learning moment by moment, day by day. There are so many beautiful interruptions to our day. That nothing is ever going to go perfectly to plan, and so having an idea of what we do after the day that we quit is Incredibly, incredibly helpful. And again, tying it to things you already do. If there is even just one thing you do every day, even if that's just opening your eyes, even if that's just picking up your phone every morning when you wake up, you put the book on top of your phone instead, you can start to build that new habit. If when I wake up, I go to the bathroom, I brush my teeth, and that's what I do every single morning, every single day. And so my planner is actually on my countertop in my bathroom. And then after I brush my teeth, it's right by where I put my toothbrush. And I'm like, okay, now I'm going to do this. And so before I even leave the bathroom, it takes me usually less than five minutes to fill in. Okay, here's what's happening for the day. Because I have a big calendar, a wall calendar, that's our family calendar. But I don't always remember, okay, exactly what is happening today, and I'm somebody who really needs to get my mind in the game, like, okay, we've got choir at 11, I've got these two interviews at this time, I've got one kid going to football at this time, so... I need to have in my mind each day an overview of how that's gonna happen so that I don't feel so stressed when each of those things come up. So for me, that's looking at that every morning and getting an idea and then saying, Okay, what is the most important thing that's actually practical to try and accomplish today? Here are the things, I've got a whole list of want to dos. There's space for that in the journal, in the planner, right? Because I have lots of want to dos. I look at those want to dos, I look at what's actually on the schedule, and then I say, okay, here's what's actually possible. And because I've linked that to something I do every single day, it's not something I miss anymore. Because it feels like it's going to take a really, really long time to build a habit, but if you tie it to something you're already doing, it becomes a habit a lot sooner. And with kids, yes, there are going to be interruptions. Like maybe when you wake up, a baby is already up and crying, you know, and if you forget to fill it out in the morning, it's okay, you can still fill it out a little bit later in the day. Or if you miss a day. No big deal. You start new and fresh the next day. There are so many things you guys said that I kind of want to highlight. So, one, I think, is writing something down. Like, having the facts written in front of you of what actually has to be done can help our brains to process that it's not actually so overwhelming. these are realistic things that can actually get done because our minds make them out to be so much bigger often than they really are. But when we write it down and we think about, okay, what actually has to happen? Or somebody's gonna die. There's usually not that much, right? So, writing it down, I think, is so helpful. I say this too, even with, plan of life. So, when I work with clients and we write out our plan of life, which is essentially our prayer habits, when you are able to see it, and even if it's just a quick checklist at the end of the day, it's in your head and it's, and you can tell yourself, this is attainable. This is something that I can actually do. And Tiffany mentioned praying for consistency. 100%. I often write this in my prayer journal in the morning if I'm struggling with getting up because I'm tired or because there were disruptions or I feel like I just want to throw in the towel, Brittany, and not start over again because it's been a struggle for a while. It's like I've missed my morning prayer time twice now. Did it later in the day. And then you start that slippery slope where you just let that whole habit go. But no, like ask God to help you to start again and be consistent. And then you talked about beautiful interruptions. I think it's St. Therese of Lisieux. And she has a piece where she was writing about, she only had a short window of time to write every day and she was required to write. And. Someone would always come interrupt her and so she just started talking about how beautiful it was Lord I'm gonna offer this time. This is a beautiful interruption because she really didn't like it But when she started offering that time to love someone else She was able to grow in her holiness and so I think that's something that we have to remember because as moms we are going to be interrupted. There's no way to get around it, whether it's your prayer time, whether it's your reading, whether it's your shower or your pee time, you're going to be interrupted. Yes, absolutely. Lisa Canning talks about bells because the bells would ring in the monasteries to remind people to pause for prayer. And she had, I believe a priest or maybe her spiritual director told her that her bells are her children's interruptions. And so I can't say that I handled that. Graciously every time. So I've learned to just remind myself again and again, like, These are the bells, Brittany. These are the bells. And that helps me in a really big way to think along those same exact lines of, This is a holy interruption. This is a beautiful interruption. This is where I am being called to right now in this moment. Not what I actually wanted to be doing. Because he has a better plan than I do. So, and I will say too, as far as writing things down daily, Here's one more benefit that it has, and that is to help you assess and reassess. Because you might start out putting down very impractical things. You might think you can get all of the things done in one day, and then you end the day, and you have nothing marked off, and you're going to feel disappointed, and you're going to feel discouraged, and you're going to want to quit. But if you have that plan for the day after Perfect, and you come back to it again, You're going to come back to it with more experienced eyes and a more experienced heart. And you're going to say, okay, I can't do all the laundry, all the meal planning, take everybody to all the places and love on all my people and play games with them all in the same day. So instead, What is really and truly the most important? Okay, that's what I'm going to put first on my list. Okay, what is actually going to fit in the capacity that I have to give to all my people today? Okay, that's what I'm going to add to it. And there are six slots. In the planner, and I did that specifically so that you can kind of, you can't overwhelm your list, but you also have space to write down things that are important for your prayer life, things that are important, important for home life, because as moms, we do have a lot of hats that we're wearing, and it's not, for me, it wasn't always practical to just have three priorities every day. I was like, okay, there are way too many people and things that need to be taken care of for me to only have three things I need to get to every day. There are more I need to get to, but I like to overwhelm any list you give me, like, give me a list, I'll make it bigger. I promise you that. So, I specifically gave myself a little bit more space, but not too much space. And that clarity and experience tends to change you in a lot of ways. And it changes your motherhood, it actually changes your motherhood, what you're seeing, what you're noticing, you start to understand so much more about your actual capacity, and what you can give, and it helps you not to feel so guilty, it helps you not to feel shame, it helps you not to, Feel so overwhelmed because you start to recognize that you are one person. And Tiffany says this to her kids all the time. And they're like, mom, mom, mom, mom. And she's like, I am one person. How many are you? There are five of you. There is one of me. This is what I'm doing right now. And when I get done, I'll move on to the next task. For me, that was really hard. I felt guilt every time somebody wants my attention and I'm not there to give it to them. It makes me feel like I'm not enough. I've got to get to that person. I've got to get to this thing. And so seeing on paper really started to help me to recognize that I am one person and what I do in a day is enough. And so that's something I'm always working towards is that, that beautiful thought that God has made me enough for my people. And when I get done today is enough, even if it's not every single thing on the list, even I'm laughing this whole time you're talking because I feel so very seen. The high choleric is like, Oh, there's only six spaces? I'm gonna make this into twelve by drawing some extra lines. Yes. And, you know, just this, this high self sufficiency of, I can... I can do all of these things and my husband will laugh. He's like, I'll say, you know, Oh, I don't have anything on Wednesday night. He's like, you know, you're going to fill that up with 10 things. So just talk to me on Wednesday and tell me what you actually have going on because he just knows, but just like you said, then you get to this point where you feel like you're letting other people down. I have a perfect example. Last. week. I told my kids Friday I'm going to pick you up from school. We're going to do all of this fun stuff. Well, then my immunotherapy got scheduled for Friday, which I had not planned on. I thought it would be a couple weeks out. And once I got this shot, there were a lot of things I couldn't do. So I'm not supposed to go into uncontrolled environments where there are any kinds of perfumes or scents or anything like that. So I couldn't take them to the indoor pool. We couldn't go do all of these fun things. And I was incredibly fatigued. So then I'm like, Oh, I'm letting them down. And you try to make up for it, but it's not the same. And their little brains can't wrap around that circumstances has changed. And so I think. Just knowing our actual capacity and knowing our life situations is so important. This is something I struggled with forever and have made huge progress on, but because of my health, I still struggle with thinking I'm going to be healthy every day and having days where I'm not. And adjusting to that and just knowing that it's okay. And at the end of the day, like you said, you know, God gave me what I needed today and I did what I was supposed to do. And that's why I love the daily examine is at the end of the night reflecting on these are the graces. These are the areas where maybe I wasn't present or I could have loved my kids better, but I, I chose not to or whatever it happened to be. And asking God for that grace to move into the next day better. Yeah. Absolutely. This is awesome. Okay. Tiffany, I want to jump to you for a minute. You are passionate about art and I am curious, how is art prayerful or how can we make art prayerful? How does this help orient our, our minds and hearts to God? That is a really good. So all that's excellent. So I think that we're we're all born to be creators, right? We really are in in some form or fashion. Brittany creates amazing principles and schedules and organizational things. I don't I can follow a watercolor tutorial like no one's business. And I think when we Really kind of look for where we are creative because everyone is creative in some area and you're made that way you you have a handle on the temperaments like no one I've ever seen or heard and I think that that is your creativity. Like, that's, that clearly is your, like, you were made for that. I've, I've literally never heard, when we had you on the podcast, I was like, holy cow! You, like, you know those things, right? And when you see an artist working, how their... Showing what, what they know or doing or moving the brush in a certain way, at a certain point when you see an artist that it's not just them, that that is something that they were born to do. And they've, they've honed that skill. And the three priests on one of my favorite podcast Catholic stuff you should know did an entire episode about how we're supposed to become more of who we are. And for me, I never even picked up a paintbrush until I was like 38 and I didn't even know I liked art or painting at all. And once I did though, I was like, Oh my goodness, this is something that lowers stress. It got me through the year after losing my mother, and it does become a prayer because you're creating and you know that you're doing something that, goodness, maybe this is kind of part of what I was meant to do all along. And so you're in cooperation. And I think maybe that's the thing. And that's where creativity and art and whatever it is that you create, maybe you write, maybe you speak, that's where you get to work, hopefully. In collaboration with God and, and make something really beautiful. I love that you touched on kind of just collaborating with God's gifts that he's given you and whatever realm it is, and that we're all called to be creators. Growing up, not that my parents were ever pushy on me about academics, by any means, cause they weren't, my mom was very, very creative and my dad was very innovative in other ways. But it felt like I had to do all the math, all the science classes and art was something that, you know, after middle school, I didn't really do. And in teaching, that was something I could just tell, like, Oh, I felt like I was dying. I needed that creative outlet, whether it was doodling or creating in some sort of way. And so I think that's so important. What message would you give someone? Like you said, you didn't pick up a brush until you were 38. What inspired you to do that? Facebook ad, maybe don't spend all the time on Facebook. It hit me at the right moment, you know, 2020, we're all kind of there. It was probably on a break from building a deck or, or unbuilding a deck, we took our deck apart and then rebuilt it. But I think that sometimes you just have to try things. And And I was like, well, I guess I'll try watercolor. I'm at home. And then I made my kids try it with me. And then I make everyone try it with me. Now, if you have 15 spare minutes and I have my painting stuff in the car. And I think that's it just being willing to try stuff and be really bad at it, but you're really bad at something and you enjoy it. So then that makes you want to get better. And you do get better. So That, that's what I would say. Just be willing to be bad at something until you get good. If it's something that you enjoy. Brittany, do you enjoy being really bad at things? I'm like cringing inside. I'm like, nope, that's I, that's when I would quit. I love that. Kids are very creative. My daughter especially, she loves art. It's hard for her sometimes, you know, she'll get math homework from school or something like that and she feels like she needs to be great at it because I was a math teacher for so many years. But her real passion really is Arts and crafts and being able to utilize that creative outlet. And so what advice do you have for parents to just cultivate that creativity? Other than, I mean, obviously let them try different things, but do you have anything else you would add? Oh man, this is, this is really hard because I'm very hands off. I am like, I have one son, making a video game right now and he's 13 and that's what he's been where he's got like 23 hours. person on it. My daughter has like created a whole self plan for drawing. She's 10. And I think it's probably a lack of like oversight a little bit into. So I just make sure that they have what they need and then set them loose. And I try not to offer criticism. Or praise, which might sound really bad, but they'll, they'll ask me and I, I really try not to say anything except for a very specific, you know, like the eyes on that drawing are beautiful, or they're very realistic, or I see that your character in your video game no longer falls down on top of his head every time you push the spacebar, like just because I, Okay. It's so tough to not criticize for some people, but it's also really tough to not praise for people, especially like me, because I think everything is amazing. Of course. If you're my friend or my child, I want to tell you that everything you do is awesome. But now I have people being like, okay, I really. I really need to know what you actually think. And so I'm trying to be more thoughtful about praise too, but just like give them the materials within bounds of safety, right? Your kids do woodworking. And then, you know, if you have to supervise, supervise, but otherwise you just gotta like take a step back and, and let them be bad. Let them mess up and let them get paint everywhere. My kitchen table is covered in acrylic paint right now. And because it it's the experience of trying out those things I think is worth so much and it's a good way to learn to be bad at stuff. I think creativity is. Messy, figuratively and literally it is my downstairs right now, I think is covered in rice a couple of weeks ago. My daughter has been into garage saling and so we stopped at a garage sale and she found a giant craft box for 5 and she bought it with her own money. And so she brought it home and inside this craft box was all the stuff to make socks snowman and her and my five year old did all of this on their own. And we have all these little. Sock snowmen for winter all ready to go, but there's rice and things. But like you said, just let him go, just let him go and see. I'm amazed what they come up with. And I think it's good that you don't always praise everything because there are some kids then who think that when they don't get praise for doing everyday things, that they're doing something wrong. I always try to, my go to is always, what do you love about it? That's my go to question. I'm going to use that one. You can steal that. Yes. Okay. Um, I'm curious, we're going to do some fun questions. Number one, you guys share, Brittany especially, you share amazing meals every week on Instagram. How do you come up with the energy to cook all of these every single week? Is this part of the efficiency and organizing? Because I do not know how to do this in my house. Okay. So for me, actually, I grew up loving cooking meals and then I had kids and I started to hate cooking meals. And what it really boiled down to was I started looking at it and I thought, I have to feed my people, right? That's not something we can skip. I mean, I even tried to introduce daily fasting, just two meals off the chart. And all we had to do was have dinner every day, but it didn't go well. Nobody, nobody got on board with me, but in all seriousness. I tried to look at this really big piece of my day and say, how can I make it something that I actually look forward to or actually want to do? And for me, I enjoy eating food. I am just somebody who loves eating food. I love trying new things and even not liking them. I didn't like mushrooms for the first probably 30 years of my life. And then I started to learn to like them in little different ways. And so I just love. Meeting food in new ways that I'm not used to. And also food is just so comforting. Like when you make a really delicious meal, that feeling you have afterwards or that feeling you have of satisfaction of seeing your people love something that they've eaten is amazing. But oftentimes as moms, we're dealing with people who are really picky or are just not in a very nice mood that night. And they don't have always nice things to say. And you know, I work on that too, but that's a whole different ballgame. And so for me, I started to look at it and say, okay. How can I make meal planning? How can I make making the meals more enjoyable? And for me, that was making a Pinterest board and just perusing meals that looked and sounded delicious. And that changes every single week. I'll add stuff to my boards for a whole week and then the next week I'll do my meal planning and I'll be like, Ooh, none of those look good. And I'll go find new ones. But every single week, I'm finding meals that get me excited, that make me want to make the dinners. And that way when I'm making it, or when it comes to Lissa, when it comes to 4 o'clock, I don't want to make the meal. I don't care what it is. But... There's this little pull that's like, Oh, but wouldn't it be delicious? Or, Ooh, remember that picture? Or you look at the picture on the printable, you know, the little recipe and you're like, okay, this is going to be amazing. And that's something else. John Acuff says all the time is when you don't want to do something, you say. This will feel great after, or I will feel great after this. And so I always should remind myself, like this dinner is going to be banging. Like if you would just push through the discomfort or whatever it is, and you can make this meal, it's going to be awesome. And the benefits of that, I think when we pushed through his mom's, one of the most beautiful things is that we get to see the benefits of that, where it waterfalls into different areas. And for me. Making really good meals has waterfalled into having children who are adventurous eaters. It's waterfalled into having children who aren't afraid to try new things. And so for Tiffany, that's through art. And for us in our home, in a lot of ways, it started with food and it has grown into other areas where I'm like, Hey, remember when you tried that mushrooms and you didn't really like it. It's okay, we don't like that yet. Remember how you tried this medium in painting and you didn't really like the way it turned out? Maybe you just don't like that painting yet, you know, give it another try. And so it's created this, this foundation in our home in a way that encourages them to keep trying things, to keep doing things. It also checks a box for something that's really, really important to me and my husband, and that is in growing adults. Because we both really feel strongly about raising children to be good, kind, respectful, responsible adults. And that starts at the youngest ages. And it builds on foundations. We don't start that at 10. We don't start that at 15. We don't start teaching them about money at 15 and expect a 20 year old to be really good with their money. It starts when they're 3 years old and we're letting them use a quarter to buy something and put a quarter away. And put money into the charity box at church, right? So for meal planning, same thing. And it's allowed me to teach my kids, to bring them into the kitchen, to teach them how to cook different meals, to learn all kinds of things that we would have never learned. And even though I, I grew up cooking all the time. It was not very common to find recipes like we have them now on Pinterest and everything. So, when I branched out and I got married, there was this new influx of Food Network and everything like that, and you could start to find new and exciting recipes. And I was learning how to ship an odd basil, and I was learning how you can mix different flavors, and salt, and acid, and all of these things, and that's something I've been able to pass on to my kids. And now I'm starting to see the benefits of that in the way that it's really helping me out because my oldest daughter also loves to cook. And so oftentimes she's like, Oh mom, I'll make that meal. And I can literally hand that meal off to her. She usually makes one to two meals a week that are completely hands off for me that are within her wheelhouse still, and she's able to pull those off. So those benefits not only are going to help her in her future life, but they're starting to really pay off in my motherhood as well. So. I'm looking forward to that when mine gets a little bit older. She's eight, then my oldest is eight. So she's like just getting there, but you still have to be there to help her. And so, uh, her big thing now is making pizza. That's her favorite. I love it. See, and that's the amazing thing. Like once you start them out, we call it meal mastery in our house. And once you start them out doing something once, it's, it's a very interactive relationship, right? You're teaching that whole time, and you're pretty much doing the whole thing. But the next time, you're working together. And the next time, they're working on it, and you're just assisting. And the next time, you can pretty much pull back entirely, and they're able to almost pull it off completely on their own. And so, The kids pick up things so quickly that once you invest that time into helping them, learn little things like that. One of my kids loves making mac and cheese. And that's not necessarily the thing I get really excited about making. But I do get really excited about nights where I don't have to do anything. So, we have mac and cheese sometimes. And that's something he's really familiar with now. And he can do all on his own. So it's awesome. Beautiful. Okay. You guys are obviously really good friends. One of the things that people struggle with is finding community, and you actually brought up community earlier, and how important it is. How do people find good friends and find good Catholic community? Ooh, that's a really good question./

46:30

Hey friends are. Are you struggling to find your community? I know. For the longest time, I felt like. I just wasn't in the right place at the right time. I. I was always a longing for something more. Now, a big part of that was God, but it was also others who were striving and longing for God themselves. So, I just want to encourage you if you have ever. Thought about. Joining my 12 week And Coaching program right now you also get three months of free access to Live Group coaching every single The Week where you get to A Journey with a group of like, Like-minded women If you desire To know that you are enough even if you feel You are not doing enough i encourage you to sign up for free exploration call and learn more about what 12 weeks of one-on-one coaching looks like for you

Kylie: 47:16

so, you, I think, have to be willing to put yourself out there. Um, maybe be weirdly outgoing, and I think, Mass is a wonderful place to know who has kids that are your kids ages, and our, I know, especially when our kids were little, our lives were pretty much centered around the church, like, like we spent, you know, you're at Mass, and then there's of course Donut Sunday after Mass, you know, where everyone kind of meets and the kids run around, and so I think, I really think at mass is a great place to meet other Catholic families. And when you see other Catholic families, especially if they have kids who are young and out of control. And maybe you have kids who are young and out of control, like walking up to them. After mass and saying, Hey, thank you for taking the attention off my crazy kids. This math mass. I really appreciate that. You know, maybe not that they might feel guilty. That could come across not in the way you want. No, that's how we met both hiding out in the narthex with kids who are being completely unreasonable. And, and I was like, Hey, you've got unreasonable kids. I've got unreasonable because you want to be friends. You know, you find a place where you can connect. And that's really important. I think knowing people who are in the same, just really the same stage of life that you're in, and you'll find maybe older moms will approach you and let you know, Hey, thank you for coming here. Like I always try when I see people with little kids now, if I can ever catch them before they run out the door because that's a whole thing. But, If I can, I just always want to tell them, I know this isn't easy, bringing your six kids to mass, um, but thank you. Thank you for bringing them to mass. The 11 o'clock mass last weekend was, it was a, it was a frat party, honestly. I, Deacon Dan, poor Deacon Dan, he could not even really say his homily because there were so many kids yelling and screaming but it was fantastic. I wish that mass would have been like that with 10 years ago when I still had little screaming kids and father. At the end, he said, Hey, we know we're growing. This is amazing. And what a great thing to say to moms. So, I, I really think you just, you look around at Mass and see if you see any other moms. Can I add to that too? Yes. I think not only do you have to be willing to put yourself out there, but you also have to be willing to start something if you don't see it's already there for you. If there's no Donut Sunday for you to go to, Maybe you should start a Donut Sunday. And believe me, you're gonna find some families. Because every kid loves Donut Sunday. Really? Or maybe you need to start a Mother's Group. And it doesn't have to be complicated. It doesn't have to be super well organized. It just has to be something. And I am telling you, the Holy Spirit shows up when you do that. All of our really close friendships came from us putting ourselves out there and starting something together. That really, really needed to be started. And so I would say, don't be afraid to get your hands a little dirty. If you have a bunch of little kids, a bunch of little toddlers, and you're sitting at home, and you're lonely, and you're looking for deep friendships like Tiffany and I have, go get them. Go find them. Go invite them into your life. And don't give up because Yeah, don't give up. You know, like sometimes you ha sometimes you have to invite people more than once. Yeah. I'm just gonna say it. they're gonna look at you and be like, Hmm uh. And then you just keep inviting them.'cause they didn't really mean to say no, they just don't know what they're missing yet. You have to approach it like a salesperson. Kind of Always be closing. Right? Always be closing. Any mom is a potential friend. Really? Yeah. Yeah, and I would say too, you're not going to be best friends with every single person in the group, and so if you haven't found who you're looking for yet, somebody that you can really connect with, then number one, give it time. Tiffany and I are incredible friends now, but that's 11 plus years of friendship now, and that so much has been built on those original foundations, but also, you're not going to jive with every single person. Also, there are people who... will be, Brittany has always really put together. That's what it was. Yes. They're going to come out of the woodwork. Like, when, not everybody is going to jive with you, but you're going to see as you keep inviting people that your people are going to start showing up more and more in your life. And I think that that's designed by the Holy Spirit. And really and truly, if you don't find that happening, just pray, ask for it. He says, knock and the door shall be opened. Go knock on the door and say, Hey, God. I have got no friends. Please send me a friend because making friends as an adult is awful. It's so hard. It's so much harder than when you're a kid at a playground and you could be like, Hey, do you want to play? Okay. We're friends. We're best friends. It's not like that as an adult. So it can be really intimidating, but the Holy spirit has showed up. And sent me a friend every time I have asked for it. And if you're really feeling lost, start there. And okay, we have a good story. I know I got to the park. So we go to the park every Friday morning. I got there early one day and there was this family there and. They, those kids are, their energy is just amazing. They are the most excited kids, even at 7. 45 in the morning. And she said they had been there since six, their mom was there. They like immediately started introducing themselves to me. And I was like, hi, you know, we met them and. Um, invited them into what we were doing. We were doing some art at the park that day. Well, they had been coming maybe two or three weeks, and it came up that she was Catholic. And we were like, what? You're Catholic? We're Catholic too! Like, we, we had no idea. And then I feel like from that point, we just had so much more in common almost immediately. What on earth? How does a Catholic mom show up at like 7 45 in the morning at a random park that's not even in her neighborhood. It's in my neighborhood on the day that we're there. Like, come on. That's the Holy Spirit. That's the Holy Spirit thing. It totally is. That's what we think, and so that it's, there are things that will happen that you know cannot be a coincidence once you start to put yourself out there. It just, it, it can't be. Mm hmm. Yeah, he has his hands and everything. You could just see it if you just stop and look around and give him a chance to. I 100 percent agree. Okay, this one you can give a serious answer or you can give a fun answer. So what is one thing that you think all moms need right now? And this can be advice or it could be like a silly gag gift that like this person you need to give this to your best friend at Christmas because it's just fun and it's gonna make them giggle. Oh, you're up first. I should go first. You don't overthink anything. No, I'll let you go first. No, well, base. I don't overthink things. Sometimes I don't think things, uh, but community. I really think moms need community. We, I, that I feel so strongly about that, given what we just talked about, but We are not meant to do all these things alone. And yes, we have husbands and our husbands are amazing and wonderful, but we also need other females around us who can be our friends. Maybe our moms, maybe our aunts, maybe a grandma, anyone. We need people around us because it's literal science. People live longer who are surrounded by people they love and. It's just work, and saints come in pairs, by the way. That is a thing. So if you ever read about a saint, you can literally, it's like a spiderweb of other saints that just happen around them. So that's, that's really why we need community, because saints don't happen on their own. Generally, talk about Holy Spirit, the community. What's yours? Okay. I think mine is maybe going to be a little controversial. I don't know. I think what moms need is to wake up before their kids. Yes. Nobody wants to do it. No one. I also did not pay anyone to say that answer either. Just so everyone listening knows. I, I assure you it's, I say that with the most disgruntled heart because I hate that that's true, but it is the most true thing. And when I put effort into that one habit, my motherhood changes every time. And here's another reason why it changes. Because when I wake up early enough, I have time for prayer. And I always say, Oh, I'm going to do it before I go to bed. But I am a kind of person who is usually, Tiffany goes to sleep the second she like when her body senses that a pillow is near her body starts shutting down. For me, I am so tapped out that trying to get into good silent prayer or really connect with God is really hard for me at the end of the day. And so prayer. Doesn't always happen, and it doesn't always look very pretty. Which is okay, it doesn't have to look pretty. It's the part that it doesn't always happen that's a really big deal. But in the morning, there's nothing in my way, and I can be with him. And more importantly, I can be with him in silence, which is not something I ever get at night. I am with human beings all of my waking hours. Nearly. Okay, and I love my people. But it means that I'm really never alone unless I wake up before my people and I think that silence Going to God and giving him our silence is such a gift to us Because there is so much that happens there that I think there are really beautiful prayers truly beautiful prayers I have some that are my absolute go to and they really fill me but silent prayer is something that I think especially moms should work on cultivating a little bit more. So if you could just do that one thing of waking up early, it's going to change your motherhood and it's going to open the door to things you never thought were even possible in your wheelhouse right now. Amen. Morning mental prayer is like the number one thing that I encourage people to do in their plan of life because that is where we can have deep intimacy with God. If we are just reciting vocal prayers all of the time, we are never listening. Is it possible through the rosary to still have some of that connection? Yes, but it's not as likely and it's not going to happen probably as often. And so just like you said, that start of the day is the best time because all the other things aren't on your mind yet. Your body's not fully awake, so sometimes that's a good thing because we're not going into like worry and anxiety and all of those things yet. Yes. And you're not going to have the excuse of, I'm going to do it later. You have time right now when it's quiet. Yeah. And you can start so small. I literally just started with one minute. I set a one minute timer and I would just sit on the edge of my bed until that timer went off. And then slowly I just try to help that grow. And in some seasons I go back to that one minute because I have a plan for when things don't go well and it makes all the difference. We are in chaos and noise and overwhelm all day long as moms. There's always someone talking to us, needing us, sticking their hands underneath the door, knocking, asking, pleading, begging, needing, hugging, loving, all of that. And it's beautiful. It's wonderful, but it is loud. Motherhood is loud. And what a beautiful way that we can meet God in one of the most Necessary things for our soul and our mind and to have that silence and have him there with us, you know, silence is beautiful, but to invite God into our silence. Oh, mama. Oh, it's so good. It's so good. What a perfect way to start wrapping this up. This podcast is coming out on Halloween, all Hallows Eve leading into all souls day, all saints day. Uh, will you guys tell us why your week is going to be better than everyone else's? Yes, because guess what? Tomorrow we leave for Italy. I am so excited. I am cautiously optimistic and excited. Yes. I'm not going to get us wrong. We're going to have a great time and we're going to meet so many new people. It is just Tiffany and I going, believe it or not, we are leaving my seven children, her five children with our incredibly amazing spouse, husbands. Yes. Our spouses are really stepping up in a very big way and letting us go to Italy for 10 days. And to meet another dear, dear friend who has offered to let us stay with her and who is going to travel to Rome and to Assisi with us. So, it is going to be an amazing, amazing trip. And we are very, very excited. So, we cannot wait. Those breaks are so needed. So, anyone listening, make sure you are praying for Brittany and Tiffany this week. And for their husbands with all of the children. Oh yes, Where can we find you guys and all of your awesome things that you talked about the planner that you have and I know you have some meal inspiration posts that you do every single week. How do our listeners find that? So we're on Instagram. It's at the deliberate day. And every Wednesday you can get meal inspiration. I share what I'm cooking for the week and then I'll usually put little tidbits in there about how I'm stretching ingredients or how I'm putting things together because sometimes the recipe is just meatloaf and it's like okay but what else are you putting with it? Are you making brussels? Are you doing broccoli? And so I try to give people a little bit of insight into how I'm feeding my family of nine and how I try to save money in little bits and pieces and ways. And then And you can also go to the deliberate day. org. That is the website for all of our things. The meal inspiration is on there. Our podcast is on there. Uh, the products that we have, like the 12 week planner. That's on there too. And I will tell you just cooking with Brittany every Wednesday literally will save you money because she is a wizard at choosing recipes that go together magically. This is not a skill that I have, but I cook her recipes and save money and I don't have to really do much. It's a cultivated skill, but yes, it is. I will also say Brittany is amazing. I have a lot of food allergies and I have messaged her on Instagram and said, Hey, do you have a recipe for this? And within a couple of minutes, she sent me follow this person, follow this person. If you need ingredient swaps, let me know. And that was amazing to me that you just. My brain gets overwhelmed even trying to think about cooking for myself and for my family separate so often. And so the fact that you were able to do that and save money on ingredient swaps and things like that, because let's be honest, food prices are, I don't know what they're like in Florida, but they're a little out of control right now. Out of control here. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. So I think we all could use that, whether we have children or not. I don't think a lot of people know because of the recipes I post that we have as many allergies as we do, but my family is riddled with them. All jokes aside, it is really defeating when you come up against food allergies, and especially when you get into a routine and then suddenly you have new allergies, or somebody else you find out has to take something out of their diet. It can be incredibly defeating. And so, again, speaking to that, that I find recipes I really want to eat that look really good, And I've gotten because of that, instead of just looking at what is gluten free, dairy free, pineapple free, I mean, the list goes on and on and on. I can't have, we can't have pepper, we can't have beef, we can't have so many things. Instead of looking at that and saying, okay, what just fits within this little window of what we're allowed to eat? I look at the broad picture and I say, what looks good? What do we want to eat? And then how can I make this work for our family? And because of that, we have been able to save money. Even with all the allergies we have. I made my son amazing Swedish meatballs, which I even tasted it. Cause sometimes I make him food that's gluten free and beef free and pepper free and everything. And I'm like, suitable. It's like, it's the path. But the other night, I was like, Man, this is really good. Okay, this is, this is a banging dish. We could totally do this again. So, I really do enjoy helping people find substitutions because it can feel really defeating when you are up against allergies and you feel like there's just nothing for me to eat. And either you feed your family and then you don't eat anything or you're trying to constantly buy groceries for two separate things and that gets out of hand really fast. But yes, food is food is my love language. It really is. I love helping people with that. Awesome. You guys have been incredible. And I just want to thank you for the testament that you guys are to growing and molding future saints, because it's such an inspiration to see moms who. Value friendship who can look at the positive graces every single day and not get caught up in all the defeats in the heart of our world and not get caught up in culture that tells us that we have to live a certain way and you guys are doing that beautifully. And you are sharing your gifts with the world. I know so many people are going to be inspired by this podcast. And if, again, I'm going to highlight it again, because I think it's so important that if you are listening to this, go check out the deliberate day podcast and listen to their October episodes, because you are going to be moved by the stories that you're going to hear from these two incredible ladies. So thank you so much for being here. Thank you so much for having us. It's just an awesome delight to be with you today.

1:06:33

thank you again for journeying with me. If you've been blessed by this episode, it would mean the world to me. If you would leave a review. Be sure to screenshot it shared in your social media stories. And don't forget to tag me on instagram or facebook at. Kylie m I'm Hein, stay persistent in prayer protect your peace and share the light of christ i'll see you all next time