#55 Comparison Wounds With Whitney Haarhs

“I’ll never be able to do that.”

“Maybe I’m just not cut out for this.”

“Everything comes so easy for her and I’m over here like a hot mess on fire.

Sometime these thoughts are genuine curiosity and other times, we’re subconsciously putting ourselves down for not doing something as well as someone else. 

That’s right friends, in this episode we are talking about the comparison game that we all play in our minds. The one where everyone else is a winner and the points do matter. We can’t do anything right, we’re messing up our kids, and no-one even likes us.

As dramatic as it sounds, it’s something we all do! Join me and fellow Nebraskan, Whitney Haahr from the Abundantly Yours podcast as we teach you some life hacks on how to stop letting comparison wounds rule your life.

Meet Kylie

• Virtual Coffee Chat! Nothing brings me greater joy than to be there to encourage and support someone in need. Are you willing to chance 20 minutes of your time for something that will change your life? 
• Come hang out with me on IG for live prayer, reflection, coaching, and inspiration. @kyliemhein
• FREE Download - Daily Examen for Every Temperament
• Do you want to be a podcast guest? Send me your pitch to info@kyliemhein.com

Meet Whitney

• Shop Abundantly Yours saint inspired gifts  HERE
• Listen to the Abundantly Yours podcast  HERE
• Follow Whitney on IG @abundantly.yours

Transcript

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How does that mama keep her kids from crying and mass? Or crawling under the pews. I will never be able to do that. How did she get that done so fast? Maybe I'm just not cut out for this. Like she is. Everything seems to come so easy for her. And I'm over here, like a hot mess on fire. Sometimes these thoughts are genuine curiosity about someone else. And we're wondering how can we improve our own lives and learn from them. But other times we're subconsciously putting ourselves down for not doing something as well. As the picture perfect model that's on our Instagram role. In this episode, we're going to talk about the comparison game that we all inevitably play in our minds. The one where everyone else is a winner and the points do matter because when we lose. We're beating ourselves up. We can't do anything. Right. We're messing up her kids and no one even likes us, obviously. As dramatic as it sounds, it's something that we all do. And in this episode, My friend and fellow Nebraskan, Whitney heart, and I are going to teach you some life hacks on how you can stop letting comparison wounds, rule your life. Hello, beautiful souls, and welcome to the Persistence in Prayer podcast hosted by Catholic Mindset coach, wife, mother, educator, and speaker, Kylie Hine. Kylie is passionate about helping you deepen your relationship with God through the power of prayer. This podcast is a space for high achievers who want to do it all, but also want to prioritize their spiritual life and grow in faith. Join us as we explore the beauty of persistence in prayer and the transformative impact it can have on our lives. Get ready to discover practical tips, insights, and inspiration to help you develop a daily prayer practice and cultivate a deeper sense of trust in God's plan for your life. Let's journey together towards a more fulfilled and faithful life as we invite the Holy Spirit in. Let's begin. Hello everyone and welcome back today. I am joined by Whitney Haar. Whitney is a Catholic wife, mom, and entrepreneur. She is the owner of Abundantly Yours a Catholic shop featuring saint and scripture inspired rosaries and lifestyle products for the everyday Catholic. Whitney is an iced coffee drinker, outdoor loving, joyful kind of girl. In her free time you'll find her playing a hand of rummy or uno with her husband, spending time with family or singing songs to her son. You can also again catch her on her podcast Abundantly Yours. Abundantly Yours. First off, Winnie, thank you so much for being here. And I have to say, I was so excited when I saw the other people play Rummy and Uno. I always played Rummy and War with my grandma growing up, and my son is obsessed with playing Uno and Skippo right now. So I feel like we're playing Uno almost every day. Yeah. Yeah. I Rummy is like a huge family game for like my side. So when I started dating my husband, I had to teach him, I'm like, you're learning this either way and they play Uno, they're big Uno family. And so we just have kind of like, we'll just rotate playing with different games. Um, but they're just, it's so fun. And I'm so competitive. I was always called the card shark in Rummy because I always could just beat everyone. I was just going to ask you that we're super competitive at our house too. So my five year old If, if he knows that you're going to win at Uno, he will draw 25 cards until he can give you a draw two because he, he just refuses to lose if he can at all help him, which is, yeah. It's so funny. Uh, so I just, when I was reading that and then your love for iced coffee and the saints and the outdoors, I'm like, I feel like we're friends already. It must be the Nebraska air. It's so great to have a fellow Nebraskan that doesn't happen very often. So I'm excited to have you here. Yes, I'm super excited to be here too. I, like you said, I always love meeting other Nebraskans because I feel like a lot of like, even on when I have podcast guests, I feel like they're always like East or West Coast people, which is great. They're all lovely people. But when you find someone who's like Nebraska tried and true, um, it's just the best. So tell me a little bit about what makes Whitney, Whitney, besides the fun fact that you are six foot tall. I am so terrible with, finding fun facts about me, but I would say I am a very outgoing person once I get to know you. That's something that I'll kind of come across shy, and then once we, like, get in our conversation, then I just don't stop talking. Like, I could talk forever. So, that's kind of something about me that I'm like, well, I'm an introvert. extrovert, but often when I'm around people that I, I don't know, like I want to talk to you, but I don't know how to start a conversation with you without being like, I don't know, nosy or things. And I think this is, it's kind of a wound from comparison in the past, but I played sports growing up, so I love watching sports, Husker football, volleyball, all these things, but another kind of random fact is I grew up milking cows with my family, so, lived on a dairy farm, which was so fun, um, Just so many memories there, and taught us so much, because I just have three sisters, so it was my, us four girls and my parents, we ran the dairy farm on our own. We had a few hired, guys who would help when we had sports games, but yeah, those are a few random things about me, I guess. Yes, and your mom. You have one son? Yes. Yep. Yep. I have one, one year old and one on the way, which is just crazy. Super excited. so it's all good. Yeah. And the topic we're going to talk about today is comparison, which you mentioned a little bit. And, I agree. I think especially when you're you grow up playing sports, I too grew up playing sports. I still love watching sports, especially Husker volleyball. Volleyball was something I coached for a long time. And that comparison just kind of sneaks in. How does comparison show up in your life right now as an adult? Yeah, I feel like for me, social media is the biggest trigger. Um, and I feel like it's through things of like, Oh, I would love to like own our own house, you know, or she has this and I don't, um, kind of in that sort of comparison. I think that's how comparison falls in for me. in high school, I struggled with a lot of like body image comparison. and I've gotten past that, um, now just like being a mom and I'm like, no, it's actually really beautiful that my body is the way that it is. But yeah, through adulthood, I feel the biggest thing for me, is just kind of more material things, you know, and also sometimes comparing motherhood as well, um, of like, oh, I feel like she's, you know, doing way better than me as a mom. And all of this comes from this experience. These lies. It all comes from, you know, the enemy speaking lies into, like, our brain and trying to tell us that, no, like, you don't have enough. You're not good enough. You're not ever going to be successful enough. Or, like, you don't have the right gifts to get to this point in your business or those types of things. And that's where, um, I found a lot of, like a lot of, um, beauty and speaking truth over myself as a mom. And just as, you know, a wife and just as a daughter of God too. Yeah. Amen. you said you felt like you've gotten past it just by being a mom. I think mom just breaks us down so much. Oh, it does. It breaks down your body. You're like, okay, I can't, I can't compare. And we still do, even as, as pregnant women. You know, you're told that you're supposed to be radiant and glowing. And I did not feel radiant or glowing or anything positive. I think I felt absolutely miserable. Um, but it really does just kind of break you down. And it, it teaches us to take the emphasis off of ourself and, and put it on someone else. Do you think that that helps with comparison when we're able to take the spotlight off of ourselves? I do. I think. Like, for me coming, I've been, I'm in a group of mom friends, like I have a group of mom friends, and there's a few women in there who are just like extremely humble, and I'm like, wow, I just love the way that they express humility, and they call themselves out in the sense of like, um, you know, I'm still working on that, or have room to improve, and I think when we kind of, I mean, Something I was just kind of thinking of before this episode was that like the Lord created us broken and he gave us free will, right? And so they're two beautiful things of like, we can lean into our brokenness to then grow closer to the Lord. Um, and through like our free will, we get this opportunity to control our mind and our thoughts because I think so many, especially as women and when we are in motherhood, motherhood can be really isolating. And so As we get, we feel isolated, and then we start, that's when like all these thoughts come to us, and we're like, I'm not good enough, I'm not a good enough mom, why do I feel like I hate my child today? All these things, and then, um, yeah, just in the first like six months of motherhood, that was a big struggle for me. and then realizing that no, like that is not the truth. at all. And so really, speaking into, like, speaking the actual truth over myself of like, no, like, today is just a hard day, and God created me good, and I'm a good mom. And, although I do, you know, might get, be quick to anger or, you know, struggle with different things wifehood, um, that we still have the opportunity to receive the Lord's graces, everyday. Amen. Hearing you talk about this, it, it reminds me of the rules of Saint Ignatius for discernment of spirits, how like when spiritual desolation is setting in and the quicker we can stop it, the faster we're going to be able to move on and we're not going to get into that pit so far that it takes us days and days to get out of. I think that as a, as a mindset coach, that's something that I really teach and something that I've, has been so powerful in my own life is to just be able to catch it quicker. Um, but just like you said, speaking truth over ourselves and If we don't catch it, this is like where the self awareness comes into play, is then not only are we comparing, but then we start to recognize, like, oh, well, I shouldn't, we start to say these shouldn'ts, like, I shouldn't have this thought, and then we feel guilty for having the thought that I don't want to play with my kid right now, or I, you know, I don't want to be around my kid 24 hours a day. Oh, I shouldn't ever think that. Well, it's okay. We can love our children and not want to be around them all the time. Just like we love our spouses, and most of us don't want to be around them 24 hours a day, seven days a week. I think if we're around anyone that amount of time, we are going to need a break. Yep, absolutely. Yeah, I totally agree with that. And I think, like you had said, becoming aware of the thoughts before we get to Like deep into them, um, is huge because I feel like for me, it would, you know, start on a Monday where I'm like, oh my gosh, like Monday was just total, not a good day. And then it just like keeps spiraling, especially when I was like full time stay at home mom and trying to run a business and not having a whole lot of help with my son. Then I would just like get into the spiral. And so, and I feel like I just left God out of it too. I would just. It was just as like, almost like depression. It was just like, why do I feel so heavy? And why do I just feel like, I don't know, the world is going to end, you know, you just felt like, Oh my gosh, what's happening. I think another thing that's really helped me is really becoming aware of the gifts and the blessings the Lord has given me and he's chosen to give to me. Because when we fall into comparison, I just think, we always, I feel like, think of social media as being one of the biggest triggers, you know, we see this girl just bought a new house, and this girl, you know, just announced that she's pregnant, and this girl just, um, you know, bought some new clothes off of Amazon, all sorts of random silly things, it's like, oh, I wish I could have that, and that, and that, and that, and first off, setting a boundary around social media is really powerful, especially if you do struggle with those thoughts, but really, truly, truly, Like being grateful and actually like outwardly expressing to the Lord every day of like, thank you for this blessing. Like, thank you for my son. Although we had a really hard day or we had a really good day, like, thank you for making me his mom. I'm glad I'm his mom and no one else is, because it's a gift. And even something just as simple as, thank you for the food on the table. Like, thank you for giving me, especially motherhood, especially for a little baby, like, thank you for giving me the graces to make a meal. Right? Or thank you for the clothes that are in my closet. I just think if we really come back to gratitude, is when we can really start to knock out comparison in our lives. Because we realize that, no, my life is good. God is blessing me. Like what a gift it is to be his daughter. What a gift it is to, you know, if you're single, what a gift it is to have the opportunity to be in a relationship with the Lord. I think just really when we reframe our mindset, from like the world is going to end. Oh my gosh, like my life is terrible. It's never going to get better. To know, like, look at the gifts that are here. Look at the gifts that are in the present moment. That has completely changed the game for me as a mom. especially when you are home all day with little kids who can't talk to you. It's just, Yeah. Made me a better mom, a better wife, and even just a better daughter of God because I can just sit and be still with what we have. Yeah. The presence is so critical. I'm going to come back to that. But as you're speaking, I was thinking back to, I was taking a CPR training and they were talking about, um, with infants and how beautiful it is to hear children cry. And so often we can get so frustrated to that point where like we have to step outside because our kids. You know, when they're little and they're just crying and crying and crying or even when they're sick. My eight year old just had recently had strep and an ear infection and it was like. night after night of crying, but I don't want to take any medicine. I don't want to take anything to make it feel better, but I want to keep you up 24 hours a day crying. And it was so hard, but, I remember in that CPR training, them talking about again, how beautiful it is to hear someone cry and how someone who has lost their child to a choking hazard or something like that, and how they would give anything to hear that scream, that cry, that one that so many of us is. Don't want to hear in the moment. And if you feel that way, by all means, don't feel guilty about it. We all feel it. Um, but yeah, I would always just remind myself of that. I'm like, okay, my kid is crying. How beautiful it is that they are crying. How beautiful is it? They want to, that they want to snuggle with me at all hours of the night. Yeah. Yeah. And it really does. Yeah, it does. Like what a gift it is that my baby wants me, especially when like you're in the newborn hard phase. I'm speaking of that because that's like my reality. Granted, he's one, but yeah, soon going to be in a newborn phase again at the end of the year. But, it can be exhausting. And I know this, the sick sleepless nights, March was a long month for us, with ear infections and just sickness and colds. but when, when I found that I stopped and asked the Lord for the graces. To be a good mom and to just be present then I could stay up the entire night and be okay granted I was also like in the midst of the first trimester. I felt I luckily have really easy pregnancy. So I'm so grateful for that But like if I wouldn't have been asking the Lord for his graces, I never would have been Gotten through that. I would have been very angry, very, you know, because when you're first trimester, you're tired and you just want to sleep. Um, and so asking the Lord for the grace has just really reframed my mindset. And I, it's something that I've really been doing a lot in the past few months of like, Lord, I'm really struggling with this. Please give me the graces. Like, my husband has worked all day and my, you know, Andrew has been crying and clinging all day and I just need to make us a meal. Please give all of us the graces to just, you know, get, get a meal made. You know, allow Andrew to be still and play with his toys for just 20 minutes so I can, make whatever I make. And really seeing the Lord actually pour those graces out. You know, I, there's a Bible verse and I'm not going to remember it off the top of my head right now, but when you ask, you shall receive. Right. So when we ask the Lord for his graces, he, he gives them to us. And so it sounds so silly, but I feel like I never actually, prior to motherhood would like, ask. the Lord for his graces regularly. And then when you become a mom, you're like, no, I need it daily. Like I need some daily help. Yes. It's so true. Our natural inclination is to, is to question like, Lord, why are you doing this to me? Why is this so hard? or just try to be self reliant and power through and, and not ask. And we have to retrain our brains to ask, like, Lord, I need you in this moment. I, I can't do this anymore. I need you to take care of it. And it can be, that can be your simple prayer. I can't, I can't do this. Please take care of it. And that's all we need. But to just ask him in those moments again and again, throughout the day, every day, We can't just ask once at the beginning of the week and expect it to last forever because he gives us the graces as we need them and as those moments arise, right? And, and again, going back to the stain in the present, because sometimes we worry about things that are 10 steps down the road instead of what's right now. He's not going to give us the grace for the 10 steps down the road because it's not here yet. Like we asked for the grace that you need in this moment right now. So just what do I need right now? Ask for that thing, and then the next thing may or may not even happen, so just be right here. Be right here. And something I reflect on too is, can you imagine just God when we ask Him for His help? Like, can you imagine how much He delights when we go to Him? He created me, He created you, He created all of us. And so when we turn to Him because we are broken, that's how He created us, we're not perfect. So when we go to the God who created us and ask, say, Lord, help me through this. Like, I love that I'm a mom. I love that I get to be an entrepreneur or whatever, you know, season of life you're in. Thank you for making, you know, calling me to this, but help me through it. Right. And I also love how you had said, we can't get the graces for the next season until we're there. Right. Cause even just thinking about like two kids, 19 months apart, I'm like, okay, how's that going to work? And I'm like, no, I can't prepare for that. Oh, I can, you know, kind of repair, but not literally like be there until we are there. And so that's been also. Just like, I feel like that also can take a weight off of our shoulders too, of like, we hear, um, St. Padre Pio's quote, Pray, hope, and don't worry. Um, I just think of like, you know, yeah, we just, we truly don't have to worry. And knowing that and rejoicing in the fact that the Lord's plans are better than our own anyways too. especially when it comes to like, when we were like kind of family planning of like when, you know, do we want another child? We're like, well, the Lord knows. when he wants another child in our family. And so we just gave him the freedom and said, Lord, whenever you're ready. And so while 19 months apart might seem like really close to some people, I'm just excited to see, because that's what the Lord designed for our family and for my motherhood and for just, so it's just beautiful when we, when we change our mindset around it. I'm kind of rambling, but no, it's just so good. It's so good. And you, you brought up seasons. So I heard you talk recently on your podcast. I think it was the episode on authenticity, but you brought up a point that I think is so foundational to not just our joy, but for our ability to truly live out the mission that God is preparing us for that is unique to us. And you said, it's not only that we need to recognize when we're comparing ourselves to but that we We need to make sure that we're not comparing our own seasons to other seasons of our own lives, so I would love to hear you elaborate on that a little bit. Yeah, yeah, for sure. one thing that I think sticks out to me the most, in like comparing seasons, Um, so I'm 22, almost 22. I should be 22 when this comes out, so I'm really, really young. And like for being a wife and a mom, not probably the age people guess that I would be. And an entrepreneur, a business owner. Um, and so I went through college really fast. Just because I wanted to be done because I wanted to be an entrepreneur. I'm like, college is not for me, but I had a scholarship. So I'm like, I might as well just go and get the degree in case I need it when I'm 50, you know? And so I, um, in college, I could go to a daily mass. I could, you know, go to my 8am class and come home, eat breakfast. And then I could pray for 30 minutes or whatever I wanted or listen to worship music. And then I could go to my next class. So I literally had like, so much freedom and so much time to live out my faith how I wanted to. And not that I can't do that now, but in that season, I. I almost feel like I was holier because I could do more, do more things as I'm like going to adoration and going to mass. But now that I'm a mom and live back home in the country, you know, getting to a church is, you know, 15 to 20 minutes. Most of our daily masses are at 8 AM. Um, and then having a one year old who, you know, just all these different things. And so remembering that just because I'm in. a new season of life, my prayer can still be fruitful and still be good. Although I might not be going to daily mass as much as I was two years ago, or being able to go to adoration regularly like I did. Like, and those are things that I've had conversations with some of my mom friends of like, our motherhood, especially with young children, is a prayer. The sacrifice and the surrender that we are, like, I never realized what dying to yourself was until I became a mom. Um, And so just remembering that although our prayer might've, you know, as we look back like, Oh my gosh, it was so fruitful and so much better than it is now, two years ago. That doesn't mean we still get the opportunity to enter into what the Lord is calling us to in this season. so right now I just, My prayer looks like just conversations with the Lord, but two years ago, I would just journal for hours and hours. I'm like, I don't have that time now and that's okay because the way that the Lord calls us to pray is constantly going to shift and evolve throughout our lives, which is a beautiful thing. Absolutely. And it's so funny because I hear you talking about how great your prayer life was before and I'm like, man, when I was 22, did I have a prayer life? My life seems like such a mess and I am living my best prayer life right now. And it was really around the age of 24 that I started to like, I remember I read Story of a Soul. Um, Left to Tell by Immaculae Illibagiz Immaculae Illibagiz Oh my god, I know who you're talking about. You know who I'm talking about. I can't pronounce your name right now. Yes, yes. Um, and How to Find Your Soulmate Without Losing Your Soul. I think I read all three of those books, uh, and actually because I was helping lead a Handmaids of the Lord group. It's really how all of those have kind of come together. were brought to me and reading those and like, man, I need to figure my life out. I was surrounded by people who were so much holier than me. And, I saw even my students, cause I was a teacher at the time, going to mass, going to adoration. And it wasn't that I didn't ever go to mass, but I just was not leaving a super holy life. And, So I, I so love to hear that there are so many people who are your age who like you had those habits in place and you had that community around you. But again, for all of us, the seasons, they do change. And even now, like my pro time is always evolving as You know, kids go through different sleep things, whether it's your kid has nightmares or whatever it is. And also the comparison that comes up. We do this in our prayer lives. We do this in our businesses. So I'm curious how comparison comes up in your business, like your entrepreneur life. Or I think, wow, I used to be able to run 13 miles. And now I think about running 13 blocks and feel like I might die. Things change and that's okay. Cause it's like, just like you said, God is. calling us into a different season and we are being formed in different ways throughout those seasons. And I love that you said, I felt holier because I could do more things like quote unquote holier. Yeah. I work with a lot of women who are just really high achievers and we're always doing. And that is a beautiful thing because the Lord has instilled this in us to just kind of do things right. But when we, you know, When we go too far in one direction of anything, it turns to vice. And just recognizing, we're not holier because we're doing more things. We're not enough because we're doing more things. It's about doing the right things for this season. And that doesn't look like somebody else's. Exactly. Yep. Yeah. Yeah. So I prior to like, so I took my business to the seat conference. So that would have been beginning of the year, literally June 1st. Um, so up until then, granted, I was preparing for the event and I was doing a lot of things kind of just manually and kind of just stressful. Cause you're like, there's 20, 000 people at this event. What am I doing? Do I have enough? And all those types of things. And so I. Just works all the time. Just work, work, work, work, work. I'd get Andrew to bed. Then I'd work. I'd just, you know, wake up. Andrew was sleeping. Then I'd work just always in this tendency of working, which while there is a season for that of like, you know, quote unquote, hustle in your business. Right. Right. I'm definitely kind of going to start walking into one of those this summer prior to having the next baby. But, I, I set, um, a strict boundary after we got home from Seek. Because I just started to feel like this, okay, burnout is coming if I keep acting this way. If I keep Working around the clock, 24 7. I'm not making time for my husband as much as I should be. I'm not taking time for leisure time with my son, actually sitting and playing toys with him. Um, if I'm not making time to just, like, enjoy cooking, all these, like, beautiful gifts and things that I get to do to serve my family become this, like, Oh, that's the last thing I want to do. I don't want to do laundry. I don't want to cook for my family. I just want to work. Um, and I had noticed that work started to become in my list of priorities before my prayer life and before my family. So almost became this idol. and so I set a strict boundary. Um, and after five o'clock, no work, I'm done. And it's been so freeing for me to just Literally not have this pressure to have to work all the time. I don't have to do it all. I was very much so in college as a do it all type of girl. I was doing my podcasts. I was doing my business. I was working a job, going to classes, taking 18 credit hours too. And then At the end of college, I started another business doing graphic design, so I'm like doing all these different things and I just wanted to like do it all. I have to do it all. I have to do the marketing and the finance and the service and the, you know, shipping orders, just all the things. And now, you know, just reframing my mindset after Seek and actually setting a boundary. I have this desire to not do it all. I don't want to do it all. And the Lord didn't create us to do it all. And so, um, while being a doer is a good thing, it can be very rewarding for ourselves. And especially if you're a business owner, we also have to remember that the Lord did not create us to be robots. He did not create us to have to do all these things. And that's where outsourcing has been huge for me in my business. I'm just creating more time because I, I'm an entrepreneur for a reason so that I have more time with my family. Um, and so yeah, just remembering that we're, as much as we want to do it all, we don't have to. So if you're in a season where you're like, I'm tired, I'm exhausted, I don't even want to think about my business. I don't even want to do anything anymore. Just coming back to this, okay, how can I set a simple boundary in my life? Is that setting a boundary from social media? Is that setting a boundary and getting yourself a full day off one day a week, um, to go do something you enjoy? Go take a long walk or if you're, you know, if you like to run or find, find a hobby, that's something that I'm like, Lord, what's my hobby? What do I like to do? What's my hobby outside of working? Yes. Um, So yeah, I guess that's a big gift the Lord has given me of the desire to not do it all. And he gave me that desire at a great time because then I had gotten pregnant with my second and like, I, there's no way I would have been able to keep doing it all. So yeah, I think the last thing I want to say on that is asking for help when you need it, especially if you are an entrepreneur and a mom. Like, like I said, we, we have the tendency to want to do it all ourselves. I want to be able to stay home with my son, but I also have to keep this business afloat. There's a time and a place for outsourcing either in your business or in your motherhood. Like asking for someone to watch your kid is not a bad thing and it does not make you a bad mom. So, yeah, absolutely. I, I think something we don't do enough is. We start to look at other people. We start to feel bad about ourselves because we're comparing to what they have like they're prettier than I am. Their social media page is pristine or I'll look at somebody else's website. I'm like, wow, their website is beautiful or all of these things that we compare their motherhood is there. They're better mother than me. They're going to daily mass or their homeschooling or they're sending their kid to Catholic school and I'm sending my kid to public school. We just compare everything. But I, I'm going to use an example of people's houses, right? So I have friends and they have these beautiful immaculate houses. They're always clean. They have like these high vaulted ceilings and I live in a house that was built in 1895 and we have redone everything in it. There are rooms that still are not redone. I mean, when we moved in, We tore out all the drywall. Actually, they wasn't even drywall. It was plaster walls. All of the electrical, we've done all of the plumbing. My husband has just done such work in here. And there are still things that are unfinished. And it's so easy for me to compare myself. But then I asked myself, okay, do I even really want what they have? I don't love cleaning. I don't. And so I don't want a bigger house that I have to clean. And our house is paid off. Which in this day and age is incredible. Oh yeah. I, do I want debt to have this immaculate house? I don't. Do I want to give up the time that I'm spending with my kids to be able to take on all the additions that come with a bigger house and all of these extra things or working more hours to pay for it? I don't. And so when we can think about what. Is behind that thing that they have and do we want to do that thing that kind of can help shift our perspective in comparison. And if you do still want that thing, by all means, go after it. What are you willing to sacrifice to have it? And if you don't want it, then stop beating yourself up that you don't have it. Like maybe that's really important to them to have their house decorated in a certain way. But for you, the simplicity is important. Just recognizing our own desires, because in a culture that is so full of marketing, we often get told what it is that we want without actually thinking about, do we really want it? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's a good point, for sure. I do, I think that's a lot of food for thought for people, too, of like, I always, I've done, I say, I feel like I say this on every podcast that I do, but, the Lord gives us our desires for a reason. And so like you had said, like, coming back to what our, Our desires actually, right? Like what do we actually want? And not being like, I want this because society says I need it. Right. Like, like the house comparison thing or the house example of, Oh, I have to have this big, all white, vaulted ceiling house Before I'll be happy and then we you move into that house and you're like and so am I supposed to be happy now? same thing with relationships I was definitely like, I mean we started dating at the very end of high school So I was still definitely in like the high school life. And I was like, well when I, you know, meet my future husband, I'll be happy like never be sad again and I'm like, you know, How silly is that, that I put my happiness in another person who God created imperfect? Like, yes, what? Um, and so just really coming back to like, Yeah, the desires that we have and giving them to the Lord and saying, Lord, these are my desires. And I know you gave them to me for a reason. And then, yeah, like when we do get pitched a Facebook ad, do we actually need that, do we need that fancy toothbrush or whatever it is? Um, so great thought there. That was awesome. Yeah, I, it, I just thought of my daughter like when we walk into the store and I always, I always will tell her like, hey, we're going in to get this. We're not looking to shop around, whatever it is. And so I'll walk in and then I'll hear something like saying, stay focused, Aveline. Stay focused, Aveline. But sometimes she'll do it to me. Like I'll walk in and I'll look. I'm like, Aveline, look at this. She's like, stay focused, mom. Stay focused, mom. Because it's true. We walk in things that aren't even on our mind. And then we're like, Oh my gosh, why don't I have this? I need to buy it. And 300 later, no, you don't need it. If you have gotten by this long without it, you don't need that fancy kitchen tool. You don't need this other thing. Maybe it would make life easier, but do you actually need it? Do you need it today? Because I like to plan for three weeks down the road. Well, I don't want to have to come back to the store. I'd rather just get everything now. No, I don't need it. I don't need it. Yes, for sure. And I think also like Those things that we, we do see like, Oh, I would really like that. You know, something that's kind of more of a splurge, something that I've started to do is like put them on a list. And then when someone's like, Hey, your birthday's coming up, what do you want for a gift? And then there's things that you're like, I would have loved to have that. Okay, now I can send them the link or I can send them like, Oh, I'd really enjoy this. Last year I had my son just, I don't know, three weeks before my birthday. And I was like, I would love some breastfeeding shirts. Like I can do it just fine in a regular shirt, you know? But it would make life a little bit easier, especially when you're like out and about in public all, you know, I'm not out and about a lot, but if you are like for me, I was like, okay, well, in the one instance that we go out and I would, you know, enjoy having a breastfeeding shirt instead of having to like pull everything up, you know, so just those little things that were like, Yeah, or a candle, like, I've really been wanting to try this person's new You know, candles and especially their Catholic business or whatever. Or even for me, I sell rosaries and I know rosaries are not like, you don't need 10 rosaries, you know, but I personally am like, I have every rosary, like I I'll buy rosaries all the time because I just love them. Um, and so realizing that like, yeah, I don't need everything, although you should go check out my rosaries. Yes. I'm going to talk about your products here actually in a little bit. So we are, we are going to, Come back to that. I want to just recap some of the things that you've said so far about comparison, how we can kind of help combat that. And then I have two more that I want to add as well. So, uh, you said one, asking the Lord to take care of things. So just inviting him into our situation, asking for the graces that we need in that moment. Speaking truth over ourselves. So comparison comes from lies. It's lies that we need to be like someone else, that we aren't as good as someone else and whatever it is. So speaking truth over ourselves, recognizing those lies, recognizing gratitude or like just practicing gratitude, the gifts and the blessing that the Lord has given to you specifically. I always go back to this idea of when we aren't grateful for the gifts and talents that we have because we're comparing them to someone else. Like, who are we to question God? He put so much thought into the way that He created you. So again, listen to this. He put so much thought into the way that He created you. Every single hair on your head, every single, you know, the ways that you're quirky, the ways that you're clumsy, the ways that your handwriting is not as pretty as someone else's. He made you that way. So who are we to question the way that He has made us? And I always tell God, if you want me to be better at this thing, then you're going to have to do it for me. I will show up, but you're going to have to cultivate it. I can, I can give you the time to do it, but you're going to have to take care of the rest. And I would also add into this is we're, we're grateful for ourselves. Something that's been really helpful for me is celebrating other people's success. My sister was always so great at that, and I always felt like, man, I instantly, um, would be like, wow, I should be better at this or something like that. And it, it diminishes what they're doing. So just that practice of celebrating other people, of giving them compliments of recognizing how incredible they are has been so helpful for me. And then you also said setting boundaries. Setting boundaries because when we are going toward burnout, I think that comparison monster comes in even quicker and harder. So, recognizing that. And then the last two I want to add here are, um, just remembering that the areas of our life where we need growth and we need pruning and we need formation for our, Our mission is different than someone else's. And I think of the parable of the workers in the vineyard where one person might work all day and they get paid the same as someone that works for two hours. We might be the person that has to work all day to get that same reward. And that is okay. It does not diminish the work, the reward that we are being given and how beautiful that we were able to serve the Lord longer or whatever it is. And, I'm going to share a scripture verse that, I, it's been kind of the highlight of a class that I'm doing right now, and it's been really beautiful. Hebrews 11, 6 is Without faith it is impossible to please Him. For anyone who approaches God must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who seek Him. So just remembering that in whatever we're doing, instead of comparing to someone else, if we can just seek Him, that is where a reward comes from. And seeking Him may look different, just like you said, in the different seasons. Our prayer looks different. It might be seeking Him in our crying kid that we really just want to walk away from in that moment. It depends. It might be seeking him in playing kid games when we want to be working on our business. It might be seeking him in sometimes this is a hard one for me, not going to do my prayer time because I know that my husband needs. Me, because he had a stressful day and he just needs to decompress. And sometimes that has to just be my prayer instead. So just that prudence and recognizing those things I think is so important. Absolutely. And one thing I do want to add, John 15 is also the vine and the branches. And it's been literally kind of like my lifeline when I'm like, I need to come back to my prayer life. Where do I start? I always go there because it just humbles me so much in the fact that the Bible verse literally says without me, you can do nothing. And I'm like, okay, Lord. Um, so. Just, that's a great, scripture passage to also pray with John 15, 1 through 15, but the whole John 15 is great, that's another great, um, thing if you're struggling with, um, like, cutting things out to make more space for other things, and yeah, just had to add that in there. Yeah, absolutely. I'm glad that you did. So I want to switch over to your business a little bit because I think that listeners can gain a lot from this. First of all, as a Catholic entrepreneur and business owner and being super young, has it ever been difficult for you to share Your faith, like running a Catholic business, putting yourself out there, or is this just something that has always been easy for you? So when I first started back, I guess, I don't even know how old I was, 18, I think when I started doing like rosaries and like sharing. My faith definitely like on social media a lot. Um, it kind of came natural to me cause I just like loved sharing things. And at that point it was a lot of just like faith tips and faith advice and things like that. Um, it just throughout the years, it kind of shifted into adding in more lifestyle things. And I think that's just the way that social media has also evolved over the past five years. And so, For me now, um, I do not have the desire to share like the lifestyle and the personal side of my faith because I feel like social media has just put this pressure of like you have to just share your life and everything you're struggling with and How you can overcome that? Oh and i'm like no like I want my motherhood to be My motherhood. I don't want to have to put that on social media. and I thought that when I became a mom, I would want to share Catholic mom things, in really just, um, listening to what the Lord had for me, um, as seasons change, and this is kind of another example of that, of I've even asked, so I'm like, why don't I have that desire that I had four or five years ago? to like be sharing all this faith advice and to be sharing all these things. Um, but it's because my life has changed and I, my, I need it in other places than, you know, just like being in a dating relationship and a college student, you know? Um, and so I guess, yeah, I just, I don't know. I've just really, I love sharing my faith. And so now I do like, um, I'll share some, I've just kind of shifted the way that I've ran my business over the past few months for the sake of setting boundaries and for the sake of like having my personal life and not having to have that on social media. and so, yeah, I guess the Lord has just kind of been shifting the desires of my heart. And I think this goes just back to comparison of what does it take to have that thing. So if we look at those, you know, social media where people have these pristine videos, they have these wonderful things and they have all the filters and their kids and it looks like this perfect family. But what does it take to get that? I mean, are they carrying around a tripod everywhere they go? They're taking it to the beach, they're taking it to the park. And then how many moments are they missing out with their children because they're setting up all that stuff and they're trying to get the perfect picture or they're trying to get the perfect thing. Um, And I'm not saying that people who do that, I'm not, this is not degrading toward them by any means, but it's just, yeah, do I want that for my life? Is that what I'm invited to in this season? And maybe that's their job and that's all they're doing. But for most of us, that's not our life. So stop comparing to other people who that is their life, that is their job, that is what they are doing to. This is, this is your life. You're gonna get the picture where everybody's crying and your hair is a mess and you could barely make it out the door for masks. But hey, kudos to you, you made it to masks. Yes. It just looks different. For sure. And leaning into that, and there's beauty in that. There's, like, just kind of within the whole thing of comparison we have to lean into. Like I'm different and I don't want to be like everyone else. Like we come back to the way that the Lord has designed every single person differently. And we know how many millions and trillions of people that the Lord has created over the thousands of years. And knowing that I am different than. Every single one of those people, what a gift that is, right? I don't want my life to look like yours, right? Like, because the Lord gives us our own lives in our, like my life. Although I spend majority of it with my husband, we'll never be like his because we never grew up together. Like everything in our lives. is so intricately different in a beautiful way. All every, all of my children's lives will be different because they're all born in a different time. Like, although they live with the same parents growing up, yeah, their lives might be similar, but they're going to have different personalities. They're going to have different, you know, hobbies. Like, that's a gift. Like, what is. I don't know. I'm just so passionate about that because like, yeah, our lives are different and that's beautiful. And I'm not called to be a social media influencer and share my life on social media like someone else might be. And that's okay. Like, that's okay. Yes. The homily for my daughter's first communion This past weekend, as we're recording, uh, the priest talked a lot about how, you know, can a worm ever be a human? If the worm does all the worm things that humans do, can he ever? No, because it's not in his nature. Can a human ever be God? If they can live the holiest life, they can, you know, Be the kindest, most respectful person. But can they ever be God? No, because it's not in our nature to be God. We can strive to become like God. And I think that's, it's not in our nature to be someone else because we were created to be us. We were created to be ourselves. So while we can strive to be like the saints. We can strive, you know, maybe you love St. Therese of Lisieux, I can strive to be like her and love in a little way, but I'm never going to be her because the way that I am called to be a saint is different. God gave me a different mission. I live in a different time where there are different needs and great saints are rising up. St. John Paul II talks about that because the, you know, the proportion of evil. And greater Saints than even those that we have ever seen are going to arise in this time. And I think that's so incredibly powerful to just embrace and think about. So, a lot of your products and rosaries are inspired by the Saints. Who are some of your favorite Saints? Oh gosh, that's a hard question because there's so many. There are. just in the past couple years, I've been really diving into the Saints. Because they're just like, truly so powerful. Incredible. Um, like we said, we're never going to be another person, like never going to be a saint, but really being able to, look at them as role models because they are truly our brothers and sisters in Christ. Even though, you know, they might be a saint in the 1400s or the 1800s, right? Like we are all still a part of the body of Christ. And so, um, Just realizing that too, but I love Saint Therese. She's always, kind of just stuck out to me because of, how young she was when she became a saint, um, and the fact that she desired to be in religious life at the age of 12. I'm like 12 years old. I look at those, like the 12 year olds, what is that, fourth grade? I don't know. I'm not sure. No, 5th, 6th, I, I don't know what grade it is, but I was probably, yeah, 5th, 5th, 6th grade, something like that. That's what I was thinking after I said that, like, I don't think that's right, but I'm like, okay, where are most 5th and 6th graders at right now? Like, do they know, like, truly? I mean, just, I just think of like the local kids and I'm like, could you imagine? Someone desiring to be a nun at the age of 12 or 13. Like, could you, could I have ever done that? And so I just, I really love her because of just like, she died at 24 and it was just like, she's a doctor of the church and I'm 22 and I have so much room to improve. And like, like I said, this is healthy comparison. Cause it's like, he lived, she lived, she lived such a beautiful life. And we get to look at her life and learn from her. As we do all saints, um, St. Joseph has also been a recent favorite. He is actually my patron saint. My middle name is Joe and I kind of like just put that together of Joe and Joseph, like he's my patron saint, gave it to me. so I just did the consecration to him and just really learning about his virtues because yeah, I feel like we don't. hear about Joseph as much as we hear about Mary. And Mary's also amazing. But, really learning about him has been fun. Those are kind of the two that I'm really, like, loving at the moment. Yeah. Also, like, I love, like, uh, Mother Teresa. I loved her in high school because I was just like, when you're in sports, it can be very easy to, I don't know, just not be humble. And so I feel like I did really well at the end of my high school. Just like, no, like, it's not about me. Like we're playing together as a team. And so just really getting to enter into that. And I would say I was really, um, I was like, if I could say the most humble time of my life would have been like my senior year in high school. And I look back at that and like, Whitney, you have room to improve, like, quickly lived. Um, so yeah, I'm rambling, but those are three amazing, amazing saints. Um, and one last thing I want to encourage people to do is create your own litany of saints. So, I made a post about this on social media. Um, it's just a great way to invite the saints into our lives daily because they are just so powerful. Like what's more powerful than asking our brothers and sisters in Christ who are in heaven, working miracles that can pray directly for us to Christ. and so for me, I, I started with St. Joseph, he's like my given patron saint by my parents and then my confirmation saints. So St. Bridget of Ireland pray for us enlisting out these saints. You can even find the saint on your birthday, whoever that is, or like if you're married, the, the saint of your guys wedding day, and writing all the saints down and then just praying a simple St. Joseph, pray for us. St. Bridget of Ireland, pray for us. St. Tres de la Sault, pray for us. Um, at the start of your day, and it just really reminds you, like, I am not alone in my faith. I am not alone in my walk. Like, all you holy men and women, pray for me as I journey another day towards sainthood. So that's just something fun to do if you're wanting to, add the lives of the saints into your own life. It's such a great prayer tip. I actually saw your post on that and I was like, you know what? We actually do that at my house and I didn't even realize it because it's not the same every day. But when we do our family prayer at the end of the night, we always start with St. Joseph. I'll say St. Joseph, pray for us. And then my kids. Well list out and I'm, oh my gosh, it just baffles my mind how many saints they know, and they're always trying to bring home a new saint because they want to kind of like, it's a little bit of a competition of who's going to run out of saints first, or my husband who's not Catholic. They'll try to take all of his Saints that he knows and then so it forces him to kind of come up with a new one and it's so fun but we end up with these really long litanies of States every every night and it's so beautiful because when it teaches them of people that they can ask to intercede for them, but it also just teaches it. exposes them, you know, sometimes they might come up with a name. They're like, Oh, is that a saint? And we'll look it up and see, Hey, look at the saint's life who was very different. And what can we learn from them? And then the two, um, saints that you said, St. Therese and St. Joseph, I think are perfect for comparison because St. Joseph's life, he was growing up with Mary and Jesus. Can you imagine how he felt? I mean, the comparison that you must have felt there. And then St. Therese of You know, the smallest flower and I don't have to be the biggest and the brightest and the greatest. I can just be the smallest and that is beautiful. So those were amazing. I always end with a prayer tip or a scripture verse, but you already gave us both. You gave us a prayer tip and the scripture verse. I'll just read it so everyone can hear it, but you talked about John 15, John 15 4, Remain in me as I remain in you, just as a branch cannot bear fruit on its own unless it remains on the vine, so neither can you unless you remain in me. I love that. So you have been such a blessing. Where can everyone find you if they want to look at your products? And I will add, I have your St. Therese of Lisieux necklace on right now. I always wear the same necklace. It's like those little 75 cents pot metal, I have St. Joseph, St. Uh, Therese of Avila and. The, Miraculous medal. I wear those all the time and for First Communion, I was like, Oh, I'm gonna wear, I'm gonna wear my new one. It's so pretty. And my daughter saw me putting it on and she's like, Mom, can I wear it? Can I wear it for my First Communion? And so she did. And so it was so special. And I think it also just is a testament of this piece that you have. It's, it's beautiful. It's beautiful and it's simple, which I love. I just love simple that enough for every day, but it's also elegant enough that you can wear it for special occasions and it's not just adults, but kids love them too. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. So like you said, I create rosaries and tons of saint inspired products cause I have just found that there's so many incredible saints and, not a lot of different products created around them. Um, um, especially just like. beautiful products that really express the lives of the Saints. So, every Saint rosary I design is designed with the Saint in mind. So Saint Therese is pink with roses for the Our Father beats. Um, just really expressing, who each person was often by what they wore or they're just kind of like their lives. So a recent collection I did For Lent, I did the saints who were with Jesus during his crucifixion. And so each of the rosaries, the colors are inspired by the way that they met the Lord on his way to Calvary. Um, and so there's all of the descriptions of those things are in, each product description as you, as you, if you go look, um, and so, yeah, the necklaces are a new thing I'm doing. Um, just, you think of kind of, yeah, your typical standard cheap saint metal, but, now dainty and beautiful. And so there's Four Saints that I'm starting with. These are new things, so you get some of the first people to find out. St. Pope John Paul ii, Padre Po. Mother Theresa, and Stre Latu, uh, St. Trez of Lasu goodness. Anyways, you can find me on Instagram at abundantly dot yours, and then my website is abundantly yours.org. And the podcast. Check out Whitney's podcast. Oh, yes. Yeah. Abundantly yours podcast. If you're looking, if you're a Catholic woman, we talk about everything, from relationships to identity to, there's been tons of fun guests on recently. So make sure you go check that out too. Yeah. And it's especially great for that 20 to 30 age group where you're going through so many different transitions from dating to maybe you're not getting married or you're recently married and then you're having kids. There's just so many transitions. There's so many seasons in such a short period of time. And I love that you just kind of address all of those. So thank you for being here. You are such a gift. It's, it's a privilege and an honor to have you here. And the way that God is just using you in the world, I think is. is incredible. And you are also a beautiful example of we can be doers, but we also can recognize when it's time to slow down and when it's time to shift. And the fact that you're doing that so young and that you've achieved so much so young is, is just a testament to the way that you were listening to God. So thank you. Thank you. Yeah. It's been such a wonderful just gift to be here and get to know you. Mother's day is just around the corner and you guys, I just really want to encourage you to check out Whitney's necklaces. They are the perfect mother's day gift and. If you're interested in giving yourself the gift of Catholic coaching for mother's day, or maybe you want to encourage your husband to purchase it for you. I just want you to imagine a life where you're not comparing yourself, where you didn't yell at your kids or you aren't snapping at your husband. We were able to go after your dreams, without worrying about the financials or letting all of the balls drop around you, or you're not dying. In the uncertainty of what's going to happen to my kids. Am I going to let everyone else down where you aren't frozen in indecision and frustration? 15 times a day. Because that's what coaching does for you. It gives you such clarity with what God is asking you to do in the moment, and it will literally transform your life for the better. If you don't believe me, jump on a call with me and experience it for yourself, you can join me for 20 to 30 minutes. Absolutely free. All you have to do is click the link in the show notes. Or you can reach out to me on Instagram at Kylie M Heine or send me an email info at Kylie. hein.com. I promise you. I have never coached someone who did not walk away with a transformation. It works. Come experience it for yourself and have a blessed day. Beautiful souls, thank you again for journeying with me. If you have been blessed by this episode, it would mean the world to me if you would leave a review. Be sure to screenshot it, share it on your social media stories, and don't forget to tag me on Instagram or Facebook at Kylie M. Hine. Stay persistent in prayer, protect your peace, and as always, share the light of Christ with everyone around you.