Rude Childfree Comments We Can't Avoid!

We're diving into the all-too-familiar rude comments that childfree people just can't seem to avoid. You know the ones – the hurtful, confusing, and downright insane remarks that make us shake our heads. These comments have become so ingrained in our society that people often don't realize just how insensitive they're being. 

In this episode, we'll tackle gems like "What are you going to do if your partner dies before you?", "You'll change your mind" and a bunch more that you may have yet to hear.

Rick gives kudos to Veronica for her workout commitment and introduces a new AI tool that could be handy for childfree folks in the future. Meanwhile, Veronica recounts her eye-opening airport experience and announces the date for her Free Live Training- “Help! I Can’t Decide If I Want Kids”.

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Free Live Training> Help! I Can’t Decide If I Want Kids

Sign Up HERE: https://www.thechildfreeconnection.com/ischildfreeforme

The doors to my group program “Is Childfree For Me? The Essential Guide To Exploring Childfree Life” are NOW OPEN! This group program  is a deep exploration journey of the childfree choice for women who have been stuck in indecision and are looking for clarity. This is an invite-only program. Book your FREE call with me and together we will decide if this is exactly what you need. (https://www.ischildfreeforme.com) 

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Transcript

Veronica: If you're loving your child free life or exploring the child free choice, take a seat, my friends, because you just found your new home. I'm Veronica, a 48 year old child free coach who is living a happy and confident child free life with my partner, Rick. 

Rick: Who's also gratefully child free. 

Veronica: And our dog, Eddie, here in Austin.

in Texas. My journey towards a child free life was confusing and rocky at first. So if you can relate to the anxiety of indecision, don't worry, because I know exactly how to support you through my program is child free for me the essential guide to exploring a child free life. 

Rick: I'm Rick Veronica's partner.

I'm a 52 year old child free man who didn't realize until later in life that I actually had a choice about having children. And now I'm fully aware that men are an equal part of the child free conversation. 

Veronica: Together, we are on a mission to connect to child free people around the world through our private membership community, which by the way, y'all are all invited [00:01:00] to join.

Rick: Celebrate this path with the topics that matter to you most. 

Veronica: Think of this podcast as your go to destination for living a child free life that truly lights you up. Welcome to the child free connection.

Rick: I'm impressed by you. 

Veronica: Oh yeah. 

Rick: Yeah. You know, so 

Veronica: many reasons. There's many 

Rick: reasons, but you know why I'm happy to be impressed by you now today. Why? You've been committed to your workout regimen. I have. I have. I mean, seriously. I know. Just to give you context to the listeners and to those who might be viewing on YouTube.

I woke up this morning at 8 a. m. I slept in. It's a Saturday, by the way. Yeah. Very excited about doing our podcast on a Saturday. Yeah. Woke up at 8 a. m. to no one next to me. And I'm like, where did she go? And I'm thinking, oh, maybe she got coffee. No, I wasn't getting coffee. You went on this incredible walk.

Veronica: I know. I think I did. 

Rick: Eight 

Veronica: [00:02:00] miles. I 

Rick: was 

Veronica: so crazy. I definitely overdid it. I was already on the trail. I was so far by the time you woke up and you called me and I went early because obviously it's getting so hot in Austin. So I want to try to go early. So it's not that hot. But it was so hot regardless.

And I didn't get to go the last two days. So I just in my head rationalized it like, Oh, let me just like go for it. Like just do twice as much or whatever. And, uh, you saw me when I got back, I was just so fried and so tired, 

Rick: hot, sweaty mess. 

Veronica: I walked into the door and it's like, Oh, Jesus. 

Rick: I was like, Jesus, you need to get in the shower.

Veronica: No, 

Rick: I'm really, really impressed though. But you know, you've been putting forth so much effort to work out and get your body moving and proud of you. 

Veronica: You know, what kicked this off for me, at least I didn't, I know that you didn't have the same experience was our month of no pizza, no burgers, no fries. That really made a difference.

And I was also [00:03:00] thinking about our international listeners because I mean, how quote unquote American can you get that? We need to be like off of burgers and pizza. So, but anyway, that month really kicked things off for me and I was just feeling better about myself. And I started feeling more fit. And then on top of that, I layered a.

circuit fitness challenge with our friend, Karen. So then I was doing pushups and sit ups and planks. And, and then after that, then I was like, Oh, let me throw in some jumping jacks and let me extend my walks and let me do this and let me do that. And it's turned into a whole thing and I feel really, really good.

So thank you. 

Rick: Rolling right now with this. I mean, it's been consistent. The burgers and pizza have really gone by the wayside for me as well. I'm just not craving them because I think we took that hiatus. 

Veronica: Right. Exactly. Exactly. And I'm just craving healthy food and everything is just feeling really good.

So 

Rick: thank [00:04:00] you for 

Veronica: recognizing 

Rick: that. Well, I'm very proud of you. And I'm also proud of myself, by the way, real quick, what I'm grateful for morning rituals, my child free grateful moment of this podcast is morning rituals. So let me paint the picture real quick before I get into why I'm proud of myself.

Today I woke up at eight with you gone. Moseyed. I'm gonna use that word. I moseyed down to the cafe, got myself a coffee. And in our building is this nice garden area. I went to the garden area and I sipped my coffee. And this is why I'm proud of myself. I finished my book. And that's a big moment for me because I rarely read prior to audio books because I have dyslexia and I'm an auditory learner.

So the fact that I'm tearing through books in our membership community, as well as 

Veronica: on 

Rick: my own, I'm just like so happy. 

Veronica: I know you're doing amazing with that. 

Rick: Yeah. 

Veronica: So wait, you finished [00:05:00] what book? Cause now I can't even keep up with your books. Is that the, like being president or? So 

Rick: this is, the book is called the power of letting go.

Veronica: I 

Rick: highly recommend it. There's so many takeaways. I could do a whole podcast on just this book. But one of the takeaways that I had is I realize I'm an incredible author. In the sense that the stories I tell myself, I mean, I'm, I'm Hemingway. I am John Grisham. I am Charles Dickens when it comes to stories that I tell myself.

I'm, I just realized that I'm in this ongoing cycle of creating these stories. Past and present that don't exist, and I can't let go and move forward and this book really outlines that. 

Veronica: I mean, I love that so much. I think, and obviously most of us to an extent, create these stories for ourselves. I have created these stories that I tell myself throughout my lifetime and then I have to say, this up completely in my head, [00:06:00] and 99.

9 percent of the stories that we tell ourselves never happen. So that's the big, not so surprising ending, right? That we just drive ourselves insane for no reason. 

Rick: Yeah, it's crazy that we Really believe these stories too. Mm-Hmm. . We're convinced they're gonna happen. Right? And it's mostly negative thoughts, right?

Mm-Hmm. . But these stories detract us from moving forward and that's the real problem. So one little tidbit I wanna bring up from the book is this notion of borrowing desires, quote unquote, and it teaches you how you need to be honest and look inward. Because if you're borrowing someone else's desires or interests, it can have a complete effect on you, which causes you to make wrong decisions, which I thought was really interesting.

Veronica: Yeah. I mean, there's so many examples of that, right? Borrowing desires, maybe Someone else is just crushing their career and they're an entrepreneur and they're making about that 5 billion a year and that has been their [00:07:00] desire from day one and someone is looking at them and thinking like, that's the life I need to live.

That's what's going to bring me joy. That's what's going to bring me happiness and fulfillment, but it's not really truly what they desire. They're just borrowing that. So yeah, I love that term. 

Rick: I'm very proud of myself for reading this book, getting through it. 

Veronica: Yeah. 

Rick: Taking away and I think I'm going to read it again.

I know I say that a lot about my books, but I just have to read them twice. I don't know what it is. I 

Veronica: also want to say that I am proud of you, Beth, because you're, there's one thing that you're really good at and it's when you're reading a book, you implement as you go, because I feel like what these helps Self help books, people can read them and read them and read them and then just not really make any changes, but you really make an effort.

You read them and then you'll tell me you're like, I just realized this. And then you try to apply it to your life immediately. And I really appreciate that because it, then it doesn't feel like you're just reading and ingesting information, not really doing anything about it. Like you're. Taking [00:08:00] actionable steps as you read and I notice it because it changes a lot about how you handle things, how you deal with things.

It improves our relationship. Like it's a win win for everybody. 

Rick: I feel like a rebirth of education is happening with me right now and I'm really enjoying it. I'm like, how much more can I learn? What else can I learn about, you know? Yeah, it's this weird thing. I can't stop 

Veronica: before we move on. I just want to quickly say if anybody's watching on YouTube, cause I have completely soaking wet hair, I literally just took a shower and jumped on here.

And I was just thinking about how I'm at the place where I'm just. So comfortable. I think that probably in the first couple episodes, I was so worried about blowing on my hair and curling it or straining it and doing something. So it just feels really good to just hop on here and be like, okay, this is, this is what's happening right now.

And this is what you're getting. So. So your favorite 

Rick: expression. I love that for [00:09:00] you that you're so confident and more comfortable with just being you after, after walking 16 miles. 

Veronica: So I'm excited about today's topic because we're going to dive into just really rude comments that we hear all the time.

And this episode was inspired by an article that you actually found and it's called I'm child free. These are the stupidest things people say to me. So we took. Some of that, and then we sprinkled on our own because we have heard it all our lives and also our community members share for them, the people on social media sharing with us, the women in my program.

So I'm excited to talk about these because some you've heard before and some you may not have. So we're going to jump into those. 

Rick: Can I go negative with these rude comments? Sure. You know, I like to really get into them. No, they're, they, they are annoying. Speaking of rude comments. Yes. I have one that's not child free related that I want to share and I want to get your take on this.

This happened. This one's a self induced rude comment that I've taken and shaken and pushed [00:10:00] back out and it's all my fault, but I had to at least bring it up. I was recently somewhere. I won't mention where I was because I don't want to shout at this person, but I made a joke about my age, that typical self deprecating joke of, Oh, you know, in my age, I'm trying to figure it all out.

And I'm realizing more and more now that I'm not getting the, Oh, you're 52. Are you're that all? You're not that old. I'm not getting that anymore. I'm getting that. Yeah, 

Veronica: makes sense. 

Rick: Makes makes sense 

Veronica: for you. 

Rick: And I'm, I'm like upset about, I'm upset at them, even though I'm instigating the self deprecating comment towards myself.

I'm mad that they're not. Coming back and saying 

Veronica: that you're wrong. You're 

Rick: you're wrong. You I didn't even know you were that old 

Veronica: Exactly. Or what do you say? Like well for my age and you want someone to be like, no you look great You can't even tell you got that still by the way. Yeah, but if it is and I don't know I think that we're both crossing over to that point where yeah, we're older, right?[00:11:00] 

Rick: I just miss it because I used to get it a lot When I, when I was in my late thirties, they'll be like, Oh, I thought you were in your twenties. And now it's like, Oh yeah. You know, my age of 52, you know, it gets a little crazy. And like, I'm like looking up at them, like kind of like eyeing them to see if they're surprised that I'm 52 and they're not, they're not surprised.

They're like, they kind of give me a look like, Oh, I thought you were a little older. 

Veronica: Uh, I also wanted to tell you that, I mean, just for our child free friends out there, if there is. A place that exists where you just want to bow down to your child free life. It's the airport, the airport experience. I was in Florida taking care of my mom, uh, which I actually talked about in our last newsletter.

Oh, and by the way, if you are listening to this and you're not getting a newsletter, go to the childfreeconnection. com because you can sign up for that. I was in Florida, so I had to obviously fly there and back. And I don't know why. But I just [00:12:00] experienced so many examples of just nightmare parenting situations.

It was just very chaotic. It was very loud. Trying to get the kids calm, trying to bring the tantrums down. And I just put on my noise cancellation air pods in and breathe and try to stay calm. Because traveling is so hard. so stressful, even when it's just one person. Right. I just felt super, super grateful.

I shared it inside our membership community and everybody was just sharing how, yeah, the airport is definitely a place to say, okay, I feel really good about this decision right now. 

Rick: I don't think I would travel. With, if I had kids, I don't think I would bring them on the airplane. I mean, have you ever thought about that?

Veronica: Yeah, but you have to, if you want to go anywhere because you can't just leave them. 

Rick: Well, thank God for noise canceling headphones. That's for sure. 

Veronica: Oh, I know. 

Rick: You were in Florida and I know that you were with your mom and she's going through a lot health wise right now. I've been doing some research and we have our first [00:13:00] step towards.

Eldercare and AI. Are you ready for this? I'm, by the way, this is not endorsing anything. I just was Googling it. The product is called Leq and it is a desktop robot with a flat screen, like an iPad, and it's fully engaging and it's specifically. Tailored towards elder care, and we're thinking about getting it for your mom.

Possibly 

Veronica: seeing these things pop up, especially for the elder community that's going through any sort of dementia. It just seems like such an amazing tool to have. And also, even if you don't have any mental health issues, just companionship. Right? 

Rick: Well, that's really what I'm getting at. And I'm very excited about having a robot friend when I get older.

Veronica: Yeah, absolutely. And we're excited to dive into that more and we'll definitely share it here as we explore it further. Let's get right into these rude comments, rude 

Rick: comments, because 

Veronica: there's so many of them. So we had to narrow [00:14:00] it down. And just to say it again, the article that's Spark This is called I'm Child Free.

These are the stupidest things people say to me by Cassia Delgado. This woman shares how she was asked, do you have children? And the woman said, no. And this man responded and he said, ah, so you couldn't be bothered with the responsibility, huh? And that is one that comes up all the time. It is completely intertwined that having children equals responsibility.

And that's actually what's the topic of our newsletter this week. And it just couldn't be further from the truth. Right. And then I shared also in our newsletter that my viewpoint is that the fact that we don't have kids has opened up the space for me and for us to To handle any level of responsibility that comes our way, things change.

As time goes on, we will have all sorts of responsibilities, but aside from making sure [00:15:00] that we're paying our bills, taking care of ourselves, taking care of our health, taking care of our mental and physical health, um, just being present for the people around us, responsibility.

Rick: When someone says that comment to me that you don't want to take on the responsibility of having children, my response is correct. It's, you're right. I am not prepared to take on that responsibility. That's why I'm not having them. That's called a good decision. Instead, it should be flipped and you should say, you're a, you are very responsible in your decision making because you chose not to have kids.

Just got to flip it around on them. Does that make sense? 

Veronica: Well, 

Rick: there's plenty of irresponsible parents out there. 

Veronica: Well, that's a great comment to make. There are plenty of responsible parents out there. Well, this also goes back to the idea of someone who is, let's say 18 and 19, and they have a child.

[00:16:00] Automatically, they fall into the category of being responsible adults, but someone who is, let's say 40 and 41, they don't have a child, and they're falling into the category of not being responsible adults. So it just completely doesn't make sense. 

Rick: Another rude comment that I have heard. Is don't you want to know what your baby looks like?

I have heard that. You know what my answer to that is again? No, I don't. I get it. It's going to look a little bit like me. It might look a little bit like her. You know, I get it. 

Veronica: Yeah. Naturally, we've talked about it before. Maybe that. Sure. You wonder like you and I have wondered. 

Rick: But a little one of us 

Veronica: would be like, I think that's completely normal to go through that.

Curiosity phase of it, but for someone to say, well, don't you just want to know what this baby would look like in future person is just so, I don't know. It's just, it's such a crazy thing to say. 

Rick: Let me just say, [00:17:00] I don't think you should be making major life decisions based off of just random curiosities.

Right, just because I want to know what something would look like, like a baby, I'm not going to do it just as you're like, Oh, it kind of looks like me. And then it's like, wait, now I got to take care of this baby forever. So that comment is just ridiculous in my opinion. 

Veronica: Yeah, no, I agree. It doesn't make any sense at all.

But I'm curious about 

Rick: a lot of things. Like I'm curious. What it would be like to jump out of an airplane, but I'm not going to do it. I'm terrified of heights and back to the AI talk, you know, you can now put our faces together and we could create a AI generated version of what our baby would look like.

Veronica: Right. 

Rick: So that problem solved. That'd be funny if someone was just like, don't you want to know what your baby would look like you and Veronica's? I'd be like, we do here. This is what our baby would look like. And we hold up the picture. It's called technology. 

Veronica: The next one that someone shared with us is that they hear, well, it's not natural to not have kids.

What [00:18:00] does that 

Rick: mean exactly? What does that mean? I'm serious. I'm so confused. It's not natural to have kids? 

Veronica: I, to not have kids. It's not natural to have, not have kids. And. I think that this goes under the whole just pronatalist view of this is something that everybody should do, regardless of the situation, regardless if you're going to be a good parent or not.

So I think that this is what people are saying. It's not natural. And maybe it's more odd to you to hear because this comment is definitely geared more towards women who are. In the decision making process of perhaps not having kids and people will say to them, like, well, that's just not natural. Also, people say it's not normal.

I would put normal and natural in the same category. 

Rick: Okay, normal makes a little bit more sense to me. Yeah. But what's normal, you know, I mean, it's not normal to do a lot of the things that we do, but we do [00:19:00] them because we instinctually want to, just like we instinctually didn't want to have children. And if someone instinctually wants to have kids, have kids, you know, it's just, you got to go with what you feel internally, you know, it's really important to just stay true to yourself and not be swayed in any type of direction on any type of decision.

And just a real quick fun fact about me that I think you'll agree. I am not normal and I am totally okay with it. I'm really not normal. I've realized that. And then I realized being not normal is normal because we're all individuals. What is normal anyway? Who dictates what normal is? 

Veronica: I know, I know. It's so stupid.

That word really bothers me. Actually, in my program, I go into a whole session about this exact thing. And we talk about normality, what it is, we really break it down because I have so many people walking into my program with this limiting belief that they're not normal. Right. And in our case, that for our example, that [00:20:00] it's not natural for them not to want to have kids.

And it's just something that really needs to be explored because especially as a woman, it can get really confusing. And one more thing I want to say, because I, I meant to say it earlier and I forgot this weekend, I am doing a live training called help. I can't decide if I want kids and I'm really excited about it.

People can just go to is child free for me. com to sign up for the free webinar. It's going to be 60 minutes. And this is really my way to support women that are in indecision right now. This is my way of just showing them love and care and appreciation and just really laying out what's going on, why they're feeling this way.

And I'm going to share some tips of how they can start finding some clarity around this. This is for all women, whether you are already a hundred percent child free, but still something's holding you back from feeling confident or you're completely on the fence and you just feel like you have no idea which way to turn.

Go to is child free for me. [00:21:00] com and sign up for my free training. I'm really excited to do it. 

Rick: Yeah, I'm excited for you. You could call it help. I'm not sure if I want kids and that's totally normal. Because that is normal to not want kids. Yeah. All right. What, what other rude comments? This is fun. We could do a part two on this one.

What are some other ones? 

Veronica: This next one is something that I've certainly heard. And I know that a lot of our listeners have heard. It feels really dismissive when people tell you this. People will tell you that you will change your mind. We all have a right to change our minds. Obviously, but when someone else tells you that you're going to change your mind, it's basically saying that I don't believe that you know what you're talking about.

I don't think that you have thought this through and I think that you're making a giant mistake. 

Rick: This one might rank As the number one rudest comment you can make because you're absolutely right. I mean that seriously. It's rude. It's cruel. It's cruel to put that pressure on somebody to do [00:22:00] anything, not just about having kids, but you'll change your mind about whatever.

Veronica: Right. 

Rick: And it's so it takes away from their own personal progress in a weird way, you know, because it makes them feel. Like they're doing something wrong. And that's awful. That's a horrible thing to say. Anybody listening to this? Anyone says that to you, just turn your back on them and walk. The other direction is my 

Veronica: advice.

That is my 

Rick: advice. I feel good about that advice. I mean that you'll change your mind. Don't worry. You'll change your mind. You know what? You don't know me. Even if you. Even if you're my good friend, you don't really know me as far as what I want and, you know, need. 

Veronica: Well, and it's also, think about it this way.

If somebody was coming to us and they were visibly pregnant, and what if we told them, you might change your mind? 

Rick: Or, or even, you know, equivalent. 

Veronica: Yeah. 

Rick: You sure you wanted to do that? Doesn't look comfortable and it's got a [00:23:00] lot of responsibility. I mean, I'm just saying it's kind of similar. 

Veronica: Yeah, I agree. I agree.

I mean, it sounds so incredibly rude when you're saying those comments, but that's what people don't realize that it's the same thing coming in our direction from people that are parents. So yeah, I absolutely agree. Hey, you know what? We're going to go with your advice of turn around and walk away. If someone tells you that you're going 

Rick: to change your mind.

I'm getting like really worked up cause that one really bothers me. I think I've, I've had people say that to me, not about having kids, but about other things. Yeah. And at the time I was in a very insecure place where I believe them and I did those things. And 99. 9 percent of the times that I did what other people said I should be doing, it was a mistake.

And I look back on it with regret and I don't want anyone to do that. It's just very, I'm very passionate about that particular thing. I blame myself. I mean, in a lot of ways I should have been strong enough to not listen to them, but I wasn't. [00:24:00] And I did, you know, of some of them, I brought them up to you before.

Veronica: No, absolutely. I mean, this is something that if you're trying to process a major decision in your life and it could be anything, right? Not like you just, said, not just decisions that have kids and you're really struggling with it. And it just feels you're on shaky ground and you don't know which way to turn.

If somebody comes in with the, you'll change your mind. It's not only is that rude, but it can be really hurtful, right? Because the person doesn't understand what kind of internal process you're going through. So yeah, definitely. We want to completely ignore that comment and just come ask us 

Rick: the one I get.

The most is who's going to carry on your bloodline. And I've had friends that actually have had kids because they did want to carry on their bloodline. 

Veronica: Right, right. 

Rick: And then they've asked me, like, when you die, it's going to die with you. And I go, that's fine. I'll be dead. I don't care. That's how I feel. I don't mean that as a joke.

Like, that's really, I mean, it's 

Veronica: like, first of all, 

Rick: that comment is completely based in [00:25:00] ego. It's all about what my bloodline is more special than another person's bloodline, like, you know, I'm not royalty royalty. I am royalty in my own way because I really believe in myself, but I don't need to pass that royalty on, 

Veronica: right?

And even if you were, and that's probably where this conditioning comes from, right? Just Centuries of this belief where 

Rick: that's what it is, right? 

Veronica: You're passing on like when we watch those Viking shows, they don't even care that the female is born. It's about because we don't get the comment as much as you do.

Some women will get it, but this is really all about the male need for. Sending their DNA past their lifetime. 

Rick: It's a very dated expression because it was about having offspring to rule, to continue to rule the land. The 

Veronica: kingdom. Right. And I also hear it a lot when I'm speaking to the women in my program, because their partners are only children.

So their parents are [00:26:00] giving them a lot of pressure about having kids because the quote unquote bloodline ends with them. So because the partner's parents are applying pressure on the partner, then the pressure is being applied to the women that are coming into my program. And it just gets very layered and very complicated.

Rick: And by the way, I want to just expand on this a little bit. We assume that our bloodline or our legacy in the future is going to be a positive one. What if my bloodline ends up being a serial killer? That's not going to be a good legacy to live behind. There are no guarantees that your bloodline is going to be successful, be a good contributor to society in any way, shape or form.

We just assume like, again, again. We just assume like our blood, my bloodline will grace this planet after I'm gone. It's like, shut up. All right. I'm sorry. I told you, 

Veronica: I didn't, yeah, we're 

Rick: feeling spicy. It's been a while since we've done a podcast and I didn't want to [00:27:00] lean negative. I'm sorry. So let's bring the positivity back.

Okay. What's another one. 

Veronica: This is one that Kelly, who is a member of our membership community abroad. Uh, she said that, 

Rick: shout out to Kelly. 

Veronica: People would tell her all the time that she was being pessimistic about having kids. And I think that this ties into, I know, yeah, it just doesn't even make any sense.

There's 

Rick: nothing but optimism of not having children, in my opinion, my humble opinion. 

Veronica: Because I think that because when she first told me I was confused and I'm like, what do you mean? Tell me more and this actually ties in with the you're, you know, you're just overthinking having children because she was laying it out and being really mindful and thoughtful about what this would mean for her.

So people are saying that she's being pessimistic, which is, I guess they're thinking if she was optimistic, she would just have one because she wouldn't be thinking about it [00:28:00] so much. Right? So what she said is that she figured out that she was actually being realistic, 

Rick: right? That is, that is a great point.

Veronica: Part of telling people like I'm not being pessimistic, I'm being realistic, but yeah, those comments like you're being pessimistic, you're overthinking, they all tie in together with the idea of don't worry about it, just have one, you'll be fine. 

Rick: Yeah. And listen, if you're optimistic about having kids, kids, you know, if that's your energy going into it, but if you're pessimistic and you're looking at all the negatives, it might be something you want to question.

Veronica: So another one that was in the article was that one of the women shared that someone said to her. Nobody knows real pain until you go through childbirth. How many people in our community are chronic pain sufferers and they're going through excruciating pain on a daily basis to tell someone that you have no idea what pain is, um, [00:29:00] until you go through childbirth is just another way of being Again, filing it under a rude comment and just exactly not being sensitive to someone else who may be undergoing a lot of physical pain when you tell them that 

Rick: the thought of going through something like that scares the heck out of me.

People are like, 

Veronica: Oh, 

Rick: I want to be in the room when the, when the child, you know, it's no, I don't want to be in there. That's the whole thing 

Veronica: back in the 1950s where like the men were smoking the cigars in the other room in the 

Rick: 1950s. I'm not good with blood and that kind of stuff. I'm not good with that.

Fun story. My mom was in the room when my sister in law was giving birth to my niece and she called me during the birth. And it was at work and I'm like, what's happening? And she's like, is everything okay? And she's like, I'm in the labor room and I heard a scream in the background. And it's the first time where I was like, that's what it sounds like when someone's being [00:30:00] murdered.

I'm not even joking. I'm not even, that's a real story. And I was just like, wow, is she okay? And I was, she's like, of course, this is beautiful. What's happening right now. This is so beautiful. She's crying. And I'm like, scared. I'm nervous for her. 

Veronica: Uncalled to make now that your mom called you. Did you ask her to call you?

Rick: No. No, 

Veronica: yeah, I think 

Rick: I might have said something like, Hey, let me know when the baby comes, but I didn't want to know. Literally. Yeah, I'm surprised she didn't put her on the phone. 

Veronica: So this next one is pretty serious and it actually affects people. a lot. And I mean, it's something that I've thought about.

I'm sure that it's something that you've thought about. But for some reason, it's super geared and focused towards child free people. People will say, What are you going to do if your partner dies before you? It's implying yet again, that You're going to be completely alone [00:31:00] and lost and miserable and depressed.

God forbid this was to happen. I've thought about this a lot, that if you do have kids and your partner does die early or before you, yeah, people who make that comment might see it as like, now you have Companionship, but you're also putting kids through a lot of pain, a lot of emotion, and now you are trying to process something horrible because you just lost your partner.

And at the same time, you have to be strong enough. To take care of little ones and be emotionally available for them. So it's not like one situation is ideal and the other isn't right. I really view as those are equally traumatizing situations that can have different outcomes and it just. Makes no sense to tell a choppy person.

Well, what are you going to do? Because my answer is, well, what are you going to [00:32:00] do? What are you going to do? So now you're implying that you're just going to lean on your kids for support at a time where they can barely hold themselves together. So I don't know. Have you heard this one before? 

Rick: Yeah, I have.

And there's so many layers to it. Think that people just cling to their biggest fears and project them on others. I'll be honest. I've thought about that before. Like, God forbid anything happened to you. How would I handle that? But I certainly never have thought, well, well, I wish I had kids. I'd feel better about that.

It just doesn't have a place in this conversation. It really doesn't. It's just a projection in my opinion. 

Veronica: Yeah. And also what it does is it minimizes what we talk here on the podcast all the time. It doesn't speak to the idea. idea that we share here of how important it is to build community, to have multi generational friends, to really embrace your hobbies and your passions and to really get involved with perhaps mentoring people or to get involved in volunteer work or the community.

Like that, just [00:33:00] basically that comment takes all that aside and. And pretends that it doesn't exist and solely focuses on the point that this person is going to be alone and miserable if that was to happen. So in the article, there was this comment that was made that said, Not having kids and thinking you understand what it's like to be human is like eating sand and believing you know about food.

Do you want me to read it to you again? Because it really doesn't make any sense. Trying to stay on this woman's point. And what this woman is saying is that everyone should have kids. So she said, not having kids and thinking you understand what it's like to be human is like eating sand and believing, you know, about food.

Rick: I mean. I mean, it's such a stretch. I'm sorry. It's like, does anyone have anything better to do with their time than come up with some weird metaphor that makes almost zero [00:34:00] sense? I get what she's trying to say, but again, it's, it's so rude. It 

Veronica: just speaks to how relentless people are in their pronatalist views and in their insisting that we have kids.

People will just continue to make these rude comments, continue to make these painful comments, but it is our job to A pay attention to where this comment is coming from B choose to receive it or not, right? Because we have the power to say, I am not going to receive this comment that you just made 

Rick: and 

Veronica: C know that it's just not true.

And if you forget, you can just come back and listen to this podcast. Because we'll just keep telling you that this is just certain people's way of bringing us down. And I mean, you and I are perfect example of two people who have heard these comments throughout our lives, but [00:35:00] here we are and just showing gratitude.

I mean, you start the podcast with gratitude every week, but we literally. Show gratitude for a choppy life almost every day. And I think it just keeps growing as we get older. Yeah, don't listen. 

Rick: No, don't listen to anybody but yourself at the end of the day. And, and, you know, I, we talk about gratitude.

You're right all the time. And I look back and for me. I say I've made a lot of bad decisions in my life, but the best decision I made was not having kids for me. It just wasn't in the cards. And I knew that I always knew that there were times where I said I was just going to have them because that's what the relationship dictated.

I'm so happy that I didn't. And. I'm just very grateful and I'm going to continue to be grateful every day. 

Veronica: Also, it's just about kindness, right? Just having being kind towards one another and respecting our decisions and our choices. So I think that we'll just end it on that. I'm glad that we got, [00:36:00] that we got to chat today because we took a little break from the podcast while I was away.

And I'm really glad that we got a chance to do it today. 

Rick: Yeah. And your hair is almost dry. It's almost dry. That's how long this podcast is. Yeah. Not really. Yeah. You got some thick hair. I'm happy to be back at it. Be sure to follow, rate, review, get the message out there. We're spreading the love of this child free life and, um, follow us on all the socials and check out our website, the childfree connection.

com. 

Veronica: Yeah, absolutely. And don't forget about my free live training this weekend is childfree for me. com. 

Rick: Yep. We'll see you next time. 

Veronica: Bye. 

Rick: Bye.