Breaking Old Paradigms with Brian Falduto

In this inaugural episode of 2024, I interview critically hailed indie musician and Life Coach, Brian Falduto. After garnering international attention for playing “Fancy Pants” in the massive cult-classic School of Rock, Brian Falduto has overcome the challenges of child star fame, rediscovered himself, transforming into both a successful country music artist and a PCC-certified life coach. His recent album, "Gay Country", is jam-packed with LGBTQ joy & features the viral lead single, "Same Old Country Love Song". Brian has traveled the country performing and speaking at Pride events, sharing himself vulnerably and offering hope to countless young people with his story.

 We start by discussing his song and music video, “God Loves Me Too” and hear the story that inspired him to write it.  Next we touch on what it was like playing a gay role at 11-years old in 2003 during a time lacking in acceptance of gay folks- and Brian shares about the homophobia it forced him to face.

 We then get into his personal journey with spirituality, looking at the power of mindfulness and meditation to find that still “space beyond the ego.” And, how from that seat of awareness you can observe life happening rather than just being consumed by life happening. 

 We then get into the science behind anxiety and how information of our body/mind systems can help people find more effective strategies for dealing with stress. We end chatting about what lights him up about creating and sharing his music.

Learn more about Brian here - https://www.brianfalduto.com/

Connect with Wil here- https://www.wil-fullyliving.com/

Transcript

Wil Fisher  0:02  
Queerly beloveds, We are gathered here today for some juicy conversations about all things spiritually queer and clearly spiritual. I'm Sylvia will gather rainbow, spiritual life coach retreat hosts with the most and drag queens and I'll be chatting with the most amazing folks are simply sharing some wisdom on my own. If you like what I'm serving, please remember to subscribe so we can keep hanging out. Alright, let's get super wound together in this spiritually queer a cosmic container and blast off. Hello Beloved's and a happy new year I'm excited to jump into 2024 with a new episode of clearly Beloved. In this one I interviewed Brian fell due to a good friend, who after garnering international attention for playing fancy pants in the massive cult classic School of Rock, critically hailed indie musician Brad Feld Judo has overcome the challenges of child star fame and rediscovered himself transforming into both a successful country music artists and a PCC certified life coach is recent album gay country is jam packed with LGBTQ joy and features the viral lead, same old country Love Song, Brian has traveled the country performing and speaking at pride events, sharing himself vulnerability and offering hope to countless young people with his story. So in this interview, we discuss God loves me to a song and music video that offers a new way for LGBTQ people to relate to religion and spirituality. And we discuss what inspired Brian to write that song. We then talk about what it was like playing a gay role at 11 years old back in 2023. During a time lacking in acceptance of gay folks and all the homophobia that it forced him to face, we then get into his personal journey with spirituality, and look at the power of mindfulness and meditation, to find that still space beyond the ego. And also how from that seat of awareness, you can start to observe life happening rather than just being consumed by all of it. We then get into the science behind anxiety and how having the information about our body mind systems can really help people find more effective strategies for dealing with stress. We end chatting about what lights Brian up in his creating and sharing music, all these topics and many more, in this inaugural episode of 2024. Enjoy. XO Brian, welcome to crealy. Beloved, I'm so happy to have you on the show.

Brian  2:33  
Hello, thank you for having me. Yeah,

Wil Fisher  2:35  
it's my pleasure. I have been a fan of yours ever since the day we met up at Eastern Mountain and a coach's conference. And we had such an amazing time. I remember that, that those days together, playing in the wilderness and getting to know our fellow coaches. And yeah, you've held a special place in my heart ever since. So I'm glad that we're making time for this meeting. Me too. Yeah, I

Brian  3:02  
was I am. I love the concept of your podcast. And I'm happy to be sharing space with you on it.

Wil Fisher  3:09  
Yay. So my first question for my guests is always the same. And it is this. Who are you in this moment to tell me by describing the perfect drag avatar that embodies that way of being. So if you'd like I will go first. So you can have time to Okay, so so you can have some time to breathe into it. So let me breathe into it. Hmm, I am this budding rose. And it's it's like a rose of many colors. It's like this, this spring color rose, but it's multiple colors. And I'll put it in so the first image that came was a rose, but now I'm going to put her into a drag queen. So so just to be clear, your drag avatar can be a creature or a a symbol, it can be whatever it wants, or it can be a drag queen, but so to put her into a drag queen form, she's got this like gorgeous boa that's just like multicolored and it's actually made of rose petals. And so it's soft and sumptuous, and she has beautiful cascading multicolored hair, and she's just emanating joy. And the reason I chose her or I'm feeling her right now is because I am consistently choosing joy in my life lately. And joy to me is really personified in in bright, beautiful rainbow colors and softness and sumptuousness and and pleasure and so that's just been a In my State last couple of days, I just keep choosing joy and, and finding more and more pleasure in life and it's a good place to be in. So that's who's coming out.

Brian  5:10  
That's beautiful.

Unknown Speaker  5:12  
Thank you.

Brian  5:14  
If I had to describe my drag persona, right, like, in this moment, this present moment, I would say she is like, she's got like an apron on. She's got like, like, we're talking like, a drag queen. I'm thinking almost like Mrs. Kasha Davis, like, that sort of ensemble where she's wearing like a, almost like a librarian dress, and she's got like, heels on. And she's like, all business. She's just trying to get the chores done. Get. But she's fabulous about it, of course, you know, and has a little humor about her tunes, I would say. So I would I would describe it as that I'm, I'm emerging from a wild summer, as we've discussed. And so I'm, I'm just sort of like getting my gears going, you know, and I'm all about business, but in a fun way.

Wil Fisher  6:11  
Beautiful, beautiful. She's a working woman. She's whistlin While she works.

Brian  6:16  
She's listening when she can dinner for the family, huh?

Wil Fisher  6:20  
Yes, I love it. And so, yeah, I'd love you to share a little bit about what it's been like for you to come out of a more challenging summer. And you can share whatever details around the summer you want. But I'm most curious about how that's been for you to face some challenges. And now to be on the other side.

Brian  6:45  
Yeah, I will say like, as challenging as a summer I was, I was oddly comfortable the whole summer. And I think that's a testament to like how much love I have in my life and the wonderful relationships I have, particularly my new partner, who had been with for about a year now. And also just, you know, the people in my life, and I think this could have been Miami by all definitions of it, it should have been a tough summer. But it really, it wasn't as tough as it sounds on paper, I just kind of dealt with what was and I just kept leaning on those around me. And I never felt like I was too much in need or too much without a place to be or, or go to or any of those things. So it's it's been, it's been like a comfortably challenging summer, if

Wil Fisher  7:33  
it does make sense. And I think it's generous of you to attribute it to all the loving folks in your life. And I imagine that a lot of it has to do with your own inner work and the place that you are in your life and the way that challenges now occur for you as a result of the work you've done.

Brian  7:51  
Yeah, I do think I did. I'm kinda like, the way anxiety works with me anyway. It's like, I will freak out about small things like no one liking an Instagram post, which believe me we're working on and I get, I don't spend too much time on it. But when the big stuff happens, you know, I tend to be the first one that just like, Okay, well, this is just what it is, let me just have to deal with it. And this is the this is this is the, you know, this is what we have to do. So it's really interesting, though, like, I tend to be the first to know what to do and really serious crises. But then when it's like stuff that doesn't really matter. I'm freaking out.

Wil Fisher  8:33  
We've all got our strengths, and we've all got our challenges. Important to know what what those are? So yeah, why don't we take it back a bit. And, you know, I was so inspired watching your music video, God loves me too. But definitely want to talk about that. And, and I, I imagine that part of that inspiration was around your own journey. And, you know, there's the young boy in the in the video. And I just, you know, projected that maybe that was you. I'm curious to hear more of an explanation. But I'd love to hear how you were inspired to create God loves me too.

Brian  9:19  
Yeah, so that's me too, as a song I released in 2020. Like at the height of the pandemic, and we released it in the form of a music video. Just because I felt like the story needed to be told that way. And yeah, it's the fastest song I've ever written. I like to share that about it. I grew up in a very religious household. And then I also went to Catholic school, I was raised Protestant in my home and then I went to Catholic school. So I got a double dose of Christianity. But all the while I was queer and closeted and struggling with some of what I was being taught or what I was what I heard, or I'm And then I just kind of like lost religion in college I was focused on, you know, my social life and my academics and whatnot. And then I was, like, several years after college like, I don't know, five or six years after college, I was in LA, and I was there for a project. So I didn't really know anyone in town, and I had my weekends free. And I was like, Well, why don't I just go to one of these LGBTQ inclusive churches? I've heard about I've been been a while since I've been a church, why don't I want a venture in and I went to the Hollywood United Methodist Church. And just from the moment I got there, to the moment I left, I was just crying like I was, I was a mess. Like, there was this beautiful pride flag above the doors. When he walked in there was like this gay couple holding hands a few rows in front of me, the pastor was wearing this rainbow stole that they made a they made it a point to constantly sort of refer to LGBTQ person throughout the mass I just had never felt more referred to in religious space before or mentioned or included. And it just, I was just like, Whoa, this is picking up on something within me, I didn't realize I guess sort of how I felt when I was younger, in church until this moment in church, you know, until I see this opposite. And then he went home, and I wrote, God loves me too, in 20 minutes, it was, Wow, crazy. I just kind of like felt really called to do it. And then I don't, you know, I don't consider myself a very religious person. I'm definitely on an enlightenment journey within myself. And I have my own definition of spirituality at this point. But putting that song out, felt like something more like I had to do for anyone who was sitting in church and didn't feel the comfort that I then felt at that Hollywood, United Methodist Church. And I felt like called to put that song out. Just for anyone who hadn't gotten that message yet, you know? Which is interesting, because then a lot of people are like, are you a Christian? Or are you religious artists? And I was like, Well, I, this is just more like one song I really needed to share with the world about my religious experience. And then anyway, I answered so much, I don't know if I answered your question

Wil Fisher  12:15  
you absolutely did. And more. And, yeah, there's so much medicine in that story. And in that song, you know, and in that experience, right, it's so beautiful, how you were able to get a heaping dose of medicine, while you were at that church. And it was medicine that it sounds like you didn't even know you need it. Right, that you were so touched and realized that there was this wound that had taken place as a result of you not being included. And you know, worse than not included being spoken about in an oppressive way, in your previous experience with spirituality and religion. And so for you to get to have that experience and then to you know, what I consider when you talk about writing that beautiful, genius song and 20 minutes is that that's more like a channeling. You know, it's more like a download. It's like it was just moving through you. And and so it was like, you've got all this medicine, and then you channeled it into a song which now gets to serve as medicine to those who have a similar wound. What a beautiful gift.

Brian  13:25  
Yeah, and releasing it was was like a really beautiful process just to hear from people who you know, needed it at or, or felt similarly about their experiences and that in and of itself, that sharing is also medicine, right? Because then you're like, it's validating it's it's connecting it's all the things

Wil Fisher  13:44  
Yeah, beautiful. So it's interesting for me to hear about you being a closet did youth considering that you played a what I would consider a gay role at a very young age and a major motion picture. So explain that. How did that all work?

Brian  14:05  
Yeah, well, I kind of the motion picture was sort of the thing that pushed me back in the closet I was pretty unfiltered before the film which I can say right now just because of guidelines but um, the sag strike guidelines but it's I was in a movie when I was younger and I did play rather we are role but you know, I that was in 2003 there was no clear representation at the time and I got bullied pretty severely you know. I also didn't have any anyone to turn to that looked like me I just kind of was like standout kid who got noticed for being different. But then when I went back to school after filming the movie, I wasn't cool to be different anymore. So I had to, I had to find a new way to fit in. So all the things that made me special. Were the very things that like I got bullied for it. And it was just it was because of, because it was like an internationally popular movie, it was like all sort of elevated to this. Like, next level, where I think my internalized homophobia really like went to the next level too, because I was like, I really just learned to correct all these things about myself so that people would accept me. But it was confusing. It was, you know, what I say in therapy all the time is that like, I got it was mixed messaging, because sometimes people are like, there's this thing that makes you special, and you should own it. But then other people were like, That's the very thing that you should be ashamed of, you know, so it's like, it was. Yeah, it was just this constant battle of when to let that out, when to keep it in, again, end up coming out until senior year of college because I was just wasn't ready. Yeah.

Wil Fisher  15:53  
Wow. Yeah. That's, and how old were you when you were in the film? 11. Yeah, wow. Because in a sense, you have the experience of coming out. I mean, you didn't like come out, and it was a character, but you were in the world expressing this, you know, this gay youth archetype. And so for you to have that sort of coming out experience, and then get met with those mixed emotions. But regardless of the message of this is what makes you special. This is what we want to celebrate the other message that says, This is wrong, and this is bad, is a message that also translates to this is not safe, I imagine. And so yeah.

Brian  16:43  
And that was like, more realistically, my day to day was the bad, you know, like I would Yeah. And also, like, I would just I remember I would like scrub IMDb boards back in the day trying to like, delete any comment that said I was gay because I was like, trying to get this international movie. But it was just it was it was just so hot. You know, and I didn't realize that by being who I was at the time that it was gay. I was just being myself. Yeah. So it was I was just kind of this unfiltered, effeminate kid. And you know, the beautiful thing about the movie is they were encouraging to me to be myself. And yeah, I don't regret that I love I love that. They sort of highlighted everyone's differences in that way. Sure. But then I went back to school, and people were like, well, that's gay. And all I knew about being gay at the time was, was that it was a bad thing. You know, no one was being like, oh, but that's an okay thing. You know, it was

Wil Fisher  17:45  
you know? Yeah, I mean, you were really you were really, in some unchartered waters heat. Oh, it was it was really it was before it all the gay representation in media. And for you to be doing that as a child. Oh, god. Wow. So thank you. Yeah. Yeah. And sorry. No, I mean, sorry. You had to know. Yeah, the struggles of it. But thank you for being a, I don't know, I'd call you a hero, heroic pioneer, you know, in those seas.

Brian  18:23  
I wish I knew that at the time. I think there's something beautiful about it, because of because of how, like, unfiltered I was. And so I do own that. And I I honestly just try and get back to that, you know, a lot of my inner workings just removing all the block all the blocks. I put up that around that little kid. But yeah, I, I didn't know at the time. But you know, when I did finally start telling my story. However, many years ago, you know, the influx of messages I've gotten from guys my age, who are also my age back then, yes, thank God, you were on screen, which was really, you know, full circle moment. And I realized that this is important to talk about, and that's why I do what I do now. But

Wil Fisher  19:09  
amazing. Yeah. Yeah, you were a representation for folks, even though your character wasn't technically like an out gay person. You were embodying that. And for other gay boys, you know, seeing that and seeing themselves reflected? What a gift again, you know, what, what, what beautiful medicine and I resonate so hard with that idea of this work of coming back to who we were when we were kids. You know, ultimately, that's the spiritual path and so many ways, for so many of us is it's like, how can I unpack and release all these programs and all the structures of falsehood that I've created here? In this ego, and go back to the inner essence of who I am. And for a lot of us the the last time we were that expression of our inner essence of who we are, was when we were kids, you know, and so we were allowed to be who we were not all of us, right? Some people, not even as kids were able to express who they are in their essence. But for me, I really resonate with that, that there were times when I was a child, and I was just unabashedly, me. And it's interesting, you know, I talked about this choice of joy lately. And that does relate back to my childhood, I was a happy kid, I was moving through the world, just like a happy, sweet kid, you know, and seeing the world through these bright, sunny eyes. And so the more work that I do on my spiritual path, and when I'm really on it, that's when I get to connect with that version of of will. Again, and I was called Willie when I was a little boy. So that version of Willie

Brian  21:08  
Yeah, a little Willie.

Wil Fisher  21:10  
Well, Oh, really? Yeah. So love that. Thank you. Yeah. Huh, yeah. So let's share a little bit about how it has shifted for you into, you know, from sort of religious, Christian influence spirituality to more of an enlightened spiritual interpretation.

Brian  21:38  
Yeah, I would say, you asking like how, like, how did it shift to that the question

Wil Fisher  21:44  
Yeah, and more, more of what I'm mostly curious about, in what ways is your spiritual belief system now a different than how it was in the past? And, like, what, what are you now feeling called to connect with spiritually? Rather than I mean, it's a model. Yeah, I

Brian  22:04  
mean, it's mostly just, I'm just trying to tap into stillness, presence joy. The that's sort of what I view to be God. Now. If people want to call it God, my spiritual will lease or pretty much what's written in, like, the power of net out by Eckhart Tolle, or like, similar, similar texts, you know, I feel like I've, and honestly, I just, I read a new earth. However, many years ago, and I started a meditation practice, and I've just had moments where I've experienced that space beyond the ego. And I saw a quote on social media once that was like, once you've gone past the ego, there's no, there's no going back. And yeah, I'm just I'm just trying my best to, to stay in that witnessing place that I believe to be sort of what we're all connects us all. Yeah, and I feel like I feel like I'm saying some of this sort of matter of fact, but I have a feeling maybe some of your listeners of this podcast or are aware of some of these spiritual ideas or already so I can elaborate if need be, but I. But yeah, that's sort of like how I would describe my journey. Nowadays, I meditate daily. I sometimes try and, you know, experiment with different like psychedelics to also go to that place, or also just compassion. I feel like it's sometimes a tool to get to that place. Permission is something I'm playing around with a lot lately, which I think plays into the kid theory, or you were discussing, right, like just really sort of permitting my inner life to experience itself without sort of monitoring it as much discovering it, instead of evaluating it, I like to say,

Wil Fisher  24:02  
Yeah, I love that. And I actually, it cracks me up this sort of matter of factness actually do like, you know, that place beyond the ego. I still like to hang out every deal.

Brian  24:16  
I'm not a spiritual teacher. So I'm not like, hey, everyone come along. And this is, let me tell you about it. Sure.

Wil Fisher  24:22  
But you get to be a spiritual model. I mean, the fact that you have experienced that place there, many people, most people that never experienced that, and don't really understand what that means, because you don't really understand it until you have some experience of it. And so the fact that you've managed to cultivate that experience for yourself, and that is something that is supportive to you, as you move through the world and keep going back to it and find new ways and new avenues to have that experience. That is more than just a matter of fact, and no big deal. It's it's Big work. So, you know, I appreciate what you do,

Brian  25:03  
I think I think a lot of the part of it that's excites me and sort of just how it ties into mental health, I spent a lot of time like sort of comparing, you know, the mental health field with the spiritual field and where the crossover is. I feel like Tara brach is like a similar practitioner in that way, and that she's this renowned psychologist, but she's also a Buddhist meditator. And so she's always tying the two together. And I like to spend a lot of time in that space, seeing how self compassion can be this massive anxiety reliever, but it can also be a gateway into to presence into mindfulness into the space beyond the ego, right. So I really enjoy sort of understanding the science, biologically, of what all these practices are doing for me as well. You know, if that makes sense.

Wil Fisher  25:54  
Yeah, it does. Yeah. And it actually, it makes me think back to the questions I was asking earlier about how you were able to traverse some of the challenges you had this summer. And I imagine that some of this was supportive of that process as well.

Brian  26:10  
Yeah, I mean, absolutely. My meditation practice is essential. I don't ever skip it. Some days, it'll go down to five minutes, you know, if I really need to Quickie, but it's, it's been pivotal. Absolutely. I'm a very high strung, high maintenance site, anxiety, person and my most egoic state. So to really slow down. It's a practice, it's a daily, it's a daily practice.

Wil Fisher  26:40  
Yeah, I'll just share, I've had some recent challenges. And, you know, you mentioned the, the place of observation, the place of awareness, right, I've noticed that when I am facing the biggest challenges in my human life, that remembering that I can go to that place. And spending time there really supports me in my ability and my capacity to deal with challenges, to sort of take a step back home, look at the kitty, take a little step back, and be in that seat of awareness. And from that seat of awareness, witness and observed by human avatar going through the challenging experience. And I think what it does is yes, you've spoken a bit about self compassion, it gives me an invitation to, to offer myself more self compassion. And it also in what I think is a healthy way, creates a little distance and an attachment to what I'm going through in my human avatar form, I'm able to remember that this body, and this life is not all of who I am, that this is just one experience that I happen to be having. But that who I really am is back here kind of fits like in this other synth. And so when I'm able to, quote myself there, I feel a lot less weight around whatever the human avatar will is going through.

Brian  28:17  
Yeah, yeah, I love that I kind of like to refer to it. And I feel like you're saying the same thing. But I, I think we are the space in which us is happening, like, right, like we are the and like to just try and spend more time in the space so that you can watch the thing happening other than being the thing. Think it's a really powerful experience, because we are really the only creatures who can like, be aware of the fact that we're feeling something for example, right? So we are not the feeling we are the awareness of the feeling, which means the space in which the feeling is happening. So if you want more time in this space, versus getting locked in the feeling, it can be really empowering 1,000%

Wil Fisher  29:01  
Yeah, it's so freeing with the feelings and the thoughts to write I often support my clients by helping them realize that yes, they are not their feelings, and they are not their thoughts. Write that those thoughts that they're having are just thoughts that they're having. They aren't necessarily true. Most of the time, they're not true. The ones that are causing them stress and anxiety, most of the time are not true. And so just to be able to acknowledge that your human avatar is having that thought but that doesn't mean that it's real. And that doesn't mean that you are that thought it can create a lot of well, a lot of agency, you know, it can help one see that. Oh, okay, I am not that thought and that thought isn't necessarily true. So maybe there's another thought that I could play with experiment with. And let's see what emotions that thought provokes. You find that to be a useful model. And I'm really

Brian  29:54  
harping on the word permission lately just when done mostly by the author with clients I work with because It's not about like, getting rid of the thought or shoving down on the thought or the feeling or, or even the impulse or the behavior. It's sometimes just about, like letting it letting it be there watching and like saying, like, I went on a meditation retreat once for a five day meditation retreat, and at the end of the retreat, she was like, you're still gonna go back to your normal life, and you're gonna, like reach for the fifth cookie. Sometimes, even though you only want four cookies, but just notice, notice how it feels to reach for the fifth cookie, notice how it feels to not reach for the fifth cookie, notice how you know, like, and I feel like sometimes we just have to, like, witness our inner experience and like, allow it to be as it is, and just understand that that's our human nature. You know, like, if it's raining outside, like it is now, frivolously. We wouldn't try and stop the rain, we would just like, try and respond to it by grabbing an umbrella or like taking or saying inside, like I've been doing for three days, but like, but or you can like you can train. So I feel like it's the same with our inner life just in even if you have like something awful that you're doing just like, like or who's to say that it's awful just like leaden be here, you know, it's it's, the behavior itself is subjective as to whether it's right or wrong, to see if you can observe it and and get some agency just by observing it.

Wil Fisher  31:27  
Yeah, beautiful. Yeah, the permission. And what that brings up for me is this. It's learning how to not resist and learning how to not playing that we can, you know, again, going back to more of an observer standpoint, where the energy can just move through us, right? It doesn't have to get stuck, right? Because that's what happens is when we resist it, it gets stuck. When we cling to it, it gets stuck. And so it's to teach ourselves to not do either of those things. And I think permission is a beautiful invitation to do that, to give permission for things to just move through. They don't need to be clung to they don't need to be resisted. They just are. And they're not a problem. Like, like nothing really is a problem. It's our response to them. That is a problem. It's our thoughts. It's our negative thoughts and beliefs and emotions. That is a problem. Like the rain is not a problem. It's how we we the meaning that we make out of the rain. So the more that we can just be with the rain. The more that we are able to experience peace, right and experience joy and experience. acceptance that that that that brings all those things.

Brian  32:39  
Beautiful talk. Talk about here. Oh, yeah.

Wil Fisher  32:44  
Yeah, of course, all this stuff is like very easy to talk about and very challenging to do. And it's often very simple, right? It's simple but difficult.

Brian  32:53  
Right? Yeah.

Wil Fisher  32:57  
So I'm curious, you know, in your work now, what are you seeing is the most challenging for for GB, TQ men? What challenges are you often supporting? Because that's the primary demographic that you work with. Right? Yeah.

Brian  33:20  
I would say there's the more classic examples of of

I guess a more classic examples of shame. But I think more than anything, what I'm seeing these days is just a lot of what I struggle with, too, but I think I'm very aware that I'm struggling with it. It's just this inability to sort of slow down and just be ourselves. And just, like, sort of constantly filling that time, and I feel like it is a societal thing, not so much just GBT q plus min. But

Wil Fisher  33:58  
yeah, and like, go ahead.

Brian  34:00  
Go ahead. Well, I

Wil Fisher  34:01  
just want to say you mentioned shame. And then you mentioned not slowing down. And I think there's often a connection there. Like it is societal that the we live in this fast paced world, but I'd say for a lot of gay queer men, that the one of the motivating factors of staying super busy is because we are hiding from our shame.

Brian  34:22  
Yes, exactly. And yeah, so I feel like that. And sort of, as I said, I'd like to tie it to sort of like the science of biology, what's going on, in our body mind system and sort of helping clients to like understand that, like, this is, you know, when this when this certain anxiety response that they're describing is happening, that that's your brain communicating with your body, which is communicating with your nerves, your nervous system, and that's like talking to and sort of just helping them to see that process so that the next time they're experiencing it, they can understand it differently. And I think sometimes that information, which a lot of us just don't have that information, that information is really powerful for people, I think we just don't have a huge understanding of our body mind systems, you know, I mean, it's only been cool to talk about mental health for like five years now, you know? Sure. Like, it's still like, it's cool to, like help people understand a little bit, what's going on within them, so that they can be like, Okay, so the answer isn't actually to narrow in on finding a solution, the answer is actually to take that 15 minute pause and go do the thing. That's going to be completely different and help my my system regulate itself, because it's actually not up to me consciously. What I'm doing right now, it's, it's no longer a conscious process, my body has taken over. And I need to get out of survival mode in order to approach this from a grounded state. Right. So like helping them understand their stress response in that way.

Wil Fisher  35:54  
So good. Yeah. And it's interesting, you talk about giving them more of this information into me, that also circles back to helping to empower them to be more in this observation role. It's like when we have that information, we're able to be like, Oh my gosh, that things happening to me, set thing that Brian told me about, it's actually happening to me, and oh, my gosh, like, so we were not so identified with it, right? We're able to be like, Oh, it's like, scientifically, what's happening? Is this, right? Like, you can observe it from that standpoint. Beautiful. So shifting gears a little bit, I just want to, I want to make sure I give you some time to talk about your music. Because I know it's your passion, and you're so freaking talented. And I see it lights you up, and it lights the people up that you get to perform in front of that get to receive you. So yeah, I'd love to hear about your relationship with music and your, your, your music career. And, yeah, um,

Brian  36:53  
you know, you asked about the challenges I experienced this summer, I don't know, maybe it was maybe maybe it was I actually really don't have this realization until just now. But, um, I was in release mode for like, a whole year with my album, up until pretty much June when when shit started to hit the fan for me. And I kept meaning to be like, I gotta get out of release mode, I gotta get back to like writing and being creative and like, seeing what message I need to convey and like what story I want to tell and that kind of thing. But I, it's hard to get out of release mode, when you're in release mode, it's like trying to get people to pay attention to the thing you're doing that that's where the money comes in. And that's where the, the the opportunities come in. And especially once you start to get traction, then it's it can be in a bit of an adrenaline cycle, right? I don't know, I think maybe my life is much more simplified. Going into the fall. Like a lot of the expenses I had accrued are no longer I think just because my living situation has changed and a bunch of other, I have a lot more freedom to sort of actually just sit down with a notebook and see like what's coming up for me today. And it felt a little bit like my world was crumbling. But I think it was maybe just like this. All the unnecessary crumbling, so I can like focus a little bit more on what's next, you know, what's next from a truthful, artistic, authentic standpoint. And I feel like I'm in that space again. And it's exciting, and it's fun and scary at the same time, but in a good way. I feel like you asked about Did I answer your question? I tend to just go off on tangents.

Wil Fisher  38:45  
No, you absolutely did what you brought it more into the the now sort of where you're at with it now. But broadening that a little bit in general, what is it about creating music that lights you up?

Brian  38:58  
I think it's the it was the first ever like source of meaning being truthful. I, you know, I was in the movie when I was younger, and I was closeted for a really long time. And my whole life was just about perception management. And then that led led me to a really unhappy place. And then I got down with I sat down with a guitar one day. And I I like with with lyrics, you can say something you wouldn't say in a sentence, you know, like, to a person you can like, really, like, you know, pull out like stuff that you that's maybe a little awkward or unusual. And I just put it onto paper to a song. And then I shared it with a friend and I just sort of fell in love with that process of them actually seeing something deeper than what I was showing on a surface level. deeper and more truthful. And also, they'd be like, Oh my gosh, I feel the same way sometimes. And then I was like, Wow, I'm not the only person who feels that way. Right? So it's like this beautiful way of on uncovering what's going on inside of you and making it like this truthful realization that the whole world can pick up on. So I think that process is what gets me most excited about it. And also, just like I've always loved performing and my ego loves attention, satisfying the ego sometimes perform on stage and all the things you know,

Wil Fisher  40:23  
beautiful. Yeah. And I see how it lights you up. And again, it lights us up to we had so much fun seeing you perform at the gay coach's conference that was such a, as so generous of you to offer that. And, you know, what strikes me because I know that your genre is is country. And yeah, it's kind of interesting when I think about some of these steps in your, in your timeline, right? You were a a, you were a gay youth, right? You were playing a gay character as a youth, which often people don't associate youth and out gay, right. So that was already breaking a paradigm. And then, and then, you know, later you were in this like gay and Christian, you were like breaking that paradigm with that song that you released. And now I see it again, in this like gay and country, you know, these things that, that we that society has decided don't go together, you've been a pioneer, a champion for showing the world that these two things can be together and that there's beautiful alchemy and bringing these two things that someone has decided are disparate together in this beautiful harmonic way.

Brian  41:37  
And I appreciate you reflecting that back to me, because I haven't heard it in that way. And I'm gonna get that part out and listen to it every morning when I wake up to fire my inspire my day. But I think what I what I was thinking of, as you said, that too, is just that, like these are just the things I've loved. I've always loved country music, I always loved worship music. I grew up like these are this is just my story. And I think that's, that's all I'm trying to do as an artist is just get as honest with because the the things about my life are already interesting enough if I just bring them to the surface in an authentic way. So yeah, that's sort of what I'm what I'm aiming to do. No, thank you for that.

Wil Fisher  42:19  
Thank you. Thank you for sharing your gifts. And yeah, I'm excited to hear what's next, what else you got in store. So you're, you've created some beautiful things, and I see you as a prolific creator. And I know there's much more to come so

Brian  42:35  
and thank you for doing what you're doing. I know just from that short standards I did as like an artist within the queer Christian realm that like the something like a podcast called clearly beloved is very needed. So it is an exciting. Sorry, the cat is my cat wants to be on the podcast. So yeah, I think it is it is really cool. What you're doing. Well,

Wil Fisher  43:01  
thank you. It's my pleasure. Any final words? You want to leave the listeners with?

Brian  43:09  
I don't think so. Just thank you so much. Anyone who listened and yeah, you could find me on Instagram, Brian, foul, do toe. And that's pretty much it.

Wil Fisher  43:21  
Yeah, I'll put all the info in the show notes too. Well, thank you so much. This has been a total pleasure. Love you. Love you. Thanks so much for listening my beloved's check the show notes for more info about Brian and about my work as a spiritual life coach. I'm gonna leave you with the last minute of the song God loves me to enjoy.

Oh my goddess Beloved's What a joy it was to be with you today. Let's hang out again soon. Okay. And you can think of a friend who would benefit from hearing that. We share it with them. Sending so much love and light to you today and every day. Until next time, peace