Wil Fisher 0:00
Queerly Beloveds, We are gathered here today for some juicy conversations about all things spiritually queer and queerly spiritual. I'm Sylvia will gather rainbow, spiritual life coach retreat hosts with the most, and drag queens, and I'll be chatting with the most amazing folks are simply sharing some wisdom on my own. If you like what I'm serving, please remember to subscribe so we can keep hanging out. Alright, let's get super wound together in this spiritually queer a cosmic container
Hello Beloved's I am Silvia will gather rainbow, welcome to another episode of queerly. Beloved, today, I'm going to talk about the power of retreats. So you may have noticed in my intro, I identify myself as a retreat making Maven, and it very much is a big part of who I am, and what I do in this world, what my dharma is what my purpose is. And so today, I chose that as a topic, because it's important to me, it's an important medicine that I serve, and full transparency, I have a retreat offering coming up may second through fifth in Marin County, for LGBTQ men, it's a retreat called awakened hearts. And so I very much have retreats on my mind and on my heart. And so as, as I was thinking about what I wanted to share, in this new solo podcast, it was clear that that's what wanted to come through. So I'll be talking about all things that retreats, starting with my experience, being the executive director of a retreat center, so I was running east and mountain and LGBTQ retreat center in upstate New York. And I'll share about what I learned from that experience, what I got to witness what I got to observe, as specifically what I was able to see as the value and the power, the transformative power of retreats, I'll share that from the perspective of the executive director of a retreat center, but also from the perspective of a host of retreat, someone who has produced and hosted and facilitated many retreats. And also as a participant, I have been a participant from many for many, many retreats, and I'll share about my firsthand experience as a participant and what I've gained from that participation, I will also share about what I think makes a really powerful retreat, a powerful retreat and give some tips to those who might be thinking about hosting a retreat of their own someday. So in addition to the group retreats that I do, I also host personal one on one retreat, so I can share a bit about that as well. And then I'll leave you with an invitation, not only to experience, either one of my retreats, or other retreats that are offered at Eastern Mountain, or retreats that other retreat centers are offering to experience something like that, or to potentially create a retreat of your own, just for yourself, or maybe for yourself and a few friends, even if you are not in the personal growth industry. It is a fairly simple menu, a fairly simple list of activities that you can choose, that will create a profound impact on your life and the life of folks that you decide to invite into that experience. So those are the things that we are going to cover today. Let's get into it. So as I mentioned, I had the privilege of serving as the executive director of Easton mountain and LGBTQ retreat center in upstate New York. And I'll share that before I stepped foot at Eastern Mountain. I had never been to a retreat center at all. And I remember I went up there because they had a youth program. And they were looking for some support in producing a queer music festival that would raise money to fund their queer youth program. And they knew me as someone who produced big events to raise money for queer youth programs in New York City. And so they called on me to help them with this event. And I remember getting to this place this beautiful retreat center in the middle of the woods, it's on 100 acre 80 acres outside of Albany, really remote location, it used to be a ski resort, and then it was later converted into a few different iterations until finally it became the retreat center that it is today. And I remember arriving there and noticing a certain quality to the energy of the retreat center right off the bat. I could tell that this was a space that was different than other public spaces. It held a certain pause type of energy, as if when you arrive in that space, they A Time has taken a little pause, you know, as if, as if spirit has hit the pause button on a remote. And in that pause, it felt easier to breathe, it felt easier to reflect, it felt easier to be at peace. And it was in the energy of this retreat center itself. So even without being there in a retreat, because my first time visiting, I was simply getting to know the founder, John Stasio. And getting to know what they do, they're getting to know the property, I was still able to, to feel that to sense that. And so I ended up saying yes to that proposition to support them in CO producing this big career Music Festival was a blast, I was able to get my friend Justin Vivian bond to come serve as the hostess. And so amazing queer artists performed. And we had an amazing time. And while I was producing it, I actually spent time living at the retreat center. I was craving more nature during that time of my life. And so it made sense to me to ask for that to request that and they were happy to oblige. And so I spent a good few weeks living at the retreat center, and getting a better sense of what this meant, what it meant to be a LGBTQ retreat center. And I was able to see men come and have these experiences, and to share in these closing circles, how grateful they were for the connection they were able to experience. And so I was getting pulled in pretty quickly. And by the end of those three weeks, I was really interested in retreats, and I was really interested in being connected more connected to this retreat center. And then as luck would have it, a philanthropist sponsored a group of men under 30. So I was No, I was under 40. Yeah, a group of men under 40, to participate in a Tantra retreat with Ian Ellington, this incredible teacher that I got to experience. And so I was quick to accept that offer. And I got to do my first gay men's retreat, which happened there at Easton mountain in the temple right next to this beautiful pond. And so that was my first official retreat was this powerful, powerful, tantric retreat. This title, it was titled in the Garden of Eden. And as I mentioned, it was with Ian Ellington, and a he is an expert facilitator. And I was able to be in his beautiful embrace as a facilitator as he held space for me, and the 15 or so fellow participants. And in that time, I was able to drop into a deeper sense of who I am, I was able to reflect on myself and my identity, and my energy, I was able to really explore and navigate these inner workings, and see not only myself in relationship to these men that were participating, but also see myself in relationship to life itself, see myself in relationship to sex, I relationship to nature, my relationship to food, I was able to step outside of myself somehow, and observe myself in a way because of this sacred, safe container that was in that energy of pause. And because of that, I was able to really cultivate a lot more self awareness. And then I was also able to surrender into the process of connecting with spirit through tantric practices. And I still have very, very vivid memories of that work, and that incredibly profound and life changing experience. And so once that was done, and the queer Music Festival was done, and I had been living at this retreat center for some time, I was completely hooked. And I was able to negotiate with John Stasio, the founder of Easton to have a space at the retreat center and to continue consulting for them and serving them in that way. And so I ended up living part time at this retreat center in this sweet quaint little cabin with no electricity and no plumbing in the middle of the woods. And it was a really interesting time because I had a boyfriend in Brooklyn, and I wasn't I'm going to live at this retreat center full time. So I would go a couple of weeks at the retreat center, and then I would take the bus or train to New York City and do a couple of weeks in New York City. And it was a really fascinating couple of years to experience, the beauty and wonder and majesty of nature that I would get to really engulf myself in at the retreat center at East End for a couple of weeks. And then I'd go back to the city and I would be in awe of the tall buildings and the culture and the amazing people that would come through. And I grew to really appreciate my time at the retreat center as a time again, for me to although I was working there part time, as I was serving this center, I still was able to tap into that energy of pause, I was able to use some of the time to ground into myself and to ground into nature. And that was a really beautiful blessing, I was also able to experience a lot more retreat. So part of the benefit of working there was I was allowed to participate in a certain number of retreats every quarter. And so I took full advantage of that and participated in a number of retreats hosted by a number of amazing facilitators. And that work really helped me learn how to facilitate, I was able to observe how people were facilitating and holding space and learn what worked and what didn't work. And that was really useful to me, in addition to gaining new tools, right, so I was able to become Reiki certified and to learn shamanic practices and to learn many different modalities of healing and personal growth. And what I noticed in the most powerful retreats was this beautiful gift that happened when people would show up a certain way. And then through the process of allowing themselves to let down their walls and their guards, they were able to start shedding their egos, and to let go of what they usually typically present as their default way of being what they present to the world, they were able to let that go and start to get real with themselves and with each other. And it was so beautiful to witness that and experience that myself, this unfolding that happens when you are in a container that feels safe, where you feel nurtured where you feel like you can step into more truth. And it's from that place that participants of retreats get to explore who they are, get to look at themselves in new ways, and try on new ways of being. Right. So part of the benefit of a retreat is that you are stepping outside of your default setting. You're leaving your typical day to day, the people that you interact with every day the things that you see and do on the day to day you are leaving that default world. And you are coming into this liminal space where you if you so choose, are able to experiment with how you show up. One of the really concrete and fun examples of this is how men would sometimes come to the drag cloths entities and mountain so it was this beautiful closet full of beautiful, fabulous drag women's clothing mostly, but other types of drag as well. But wigs and hats and gowns, and heels and men would come in who had never put on women's clothing before and they would try something on because they felt safe to experiment and explore. And this new personality would come through. And they would get to feel themselves in this divine feminine they would get to feel themselves as this more empowered person. So that's just one example. But in general, what I see in retreats is the possibility of people exploring and experimenting with their way of being and in so doing tapping into greater authenticity and greater self expression. And those two things can help someone show up in such a powerful new way that invites so many blessings into one's life. So much more magnetism, so much more connection, so many more beautiful gifts that one gets to receive when they tap into their deeper sense of authenticity and self expression. And another major theme that I saw at Eastern Mountain, not only when I was living there part time, but then when later I took on the role of Executive Director, which I did for over two years, I saw men come to Easton and participate in these retreats and connect with their hearts and awaken their hearts. And that is the gift that I started to see as our perceive as the most valuable gift that retreats for offering, which is why my retreats theme is awakened hearts. And that has been the theme that I've been working with in my group retreat settings is tapping into one's heart. And when that happens, what I see is men cultivating more self love, I see men able to be seen and see their fellow participants, and to experience a deeper connection with people, not only during their time at the retreat center, but in so doing, having that experience at a retreat, being able to bring that deeper level of connection to their relationships in their lives. And that is such a beautiful gift. And so that's why that is a main theme for me in the retreats that I offer. So moving on to my role as executive director, I was able to see how various retreats, and the retreat facilitators brought such different energies to their containers. And that was such a joy to get to experience, it was so eye opening for me to experience what it was like to be at the retreat center. And in the energy of, for example, a BDSM weekend, where people were playful, and also sexually charged, and intrigued and adventurous, and sometimes a little bit fearful, but also excited to be in that energy. And then they would leave. And maybe, you know, two days later, there would be a group called the Gay Men's knitting retreat, where a huge group of men would be sitting around and talking and knitting and sharing their different knitting techniques and being in nature, and to be in that energy, which was soft, and gentle and sweet, and in some ways intellectual and educational, and interesting and craft focused. So it was fascinating to see how different retreats carried such different energy. And it really is about the intentionality of the retreat, and the container that you as a facilitator, and you as a participant get to co create. So that leads me to an opportunity to share some tips that I have seen, effective facilitators use. So the first one is that intention setting. So what that looks like, is really getting clear about what you want to have happen in the retreat that you're leading. And, of course, there's a balance of having an intention, and also being open to what unfolds. And trusting in the process and trusting in the group and trusting in spirit and trusting in yourself, that what is meant to unfold will unfold. But having a clear intention is going to help set you up to create something that you want to create and that the participants who are attending are desiring. And so having a clear intention, which looks like knowing the type of energy that you want to cultivate, knowing some of the aims that you want to see. So for example, I shared that what I am often creating is the opportunity for men to awaken their hearts or connect with their hearts and cultivate more self love and connect deeper with each other. And so there's some clear set ideas and intentions and then once you have that clear intention to go from that place, to what you might do in order to make that possible. So what are the activities? What are the games? What are the questions, what are the exercises that you are going to offer that are going to support men or whoever you are leading the retreat for, to have the experience that you are intending for them to have? And then yes, creating space for the people to Come. So you have a theme that you have set up and advertised and marketed and the men coming understand that, you know, they're going to be in a container with the theme of creativity or the theme of confidence or the theme of self expression or the theme of shamanic practices, or whatever it is, they understand that they are coming to a space with a particular theme and appreciate that particular intention, but then also to create space for your participants to share their individualized intentions. So that can be a powerful way to help the container, have that intentionality, so that folks are not just having a willy nilly experience, and then maybe leaving feeling like, oh, yeah, we did some fun things. But really having a specific vision, a specific energy that they are moving towards, that can really help set them up. It's also important as a facilitator to create safe space, especially when you're looking at matters of the heart and fostering deep connections. It's really pivotal to create a safe space. And so different facilitators have different ways they do it, I like to start a weekend workshop with a agreements session, where we as a collective, decide what it is that we want, what it is that we might be afraid, will get in the way of getting what we want. And then what are some agreements that we can come to as a group that will help prevent those things from getting in the way and that will support us to getting to what we desire. So that's how I do it. There's many other ways, but having some clear agreements that set up the container, and keeping that container as pure and tight as, as what serves the group. So I don't want to say as tight as possible, because sometimes there does need to be some flexibility in the container. And I do this with my personal one on one retreats as well, I create a intention, and I receive the intention from the person that I'm doing the retreat with. And then I create the activities that are aligned with those intentions. And I create space, or I leave room for spirit to also inform what's happening. If I find myself getting too tight and constricted, then I'm not being present. And I'm not working with what is in that moment. Instead, I'm in this calculating energy, trying to control how things unfold. And humans are just much too dynamic and nuanced for that kind of control and calculation. And so giving space for you to be with what comes up, and then being in flow. So sometimes that looks like having multiple options for activities. Sometimes that looks like choosing to give more spaciousness for non program just time.
Sometimes that looks like changing the meal schedule, if that's possible, sometimes that retreat centers that's not. But just being open to some flexibility I have found serves me as a facilitator and is generally my preference. When I do attend retreats, I don't want to I don't want it to feel like a conference, where every hour I know exactly what we're doing. I like it when there's more flow. And there's more space for spirit and for the group dynamic to help influence the direction that the experience is taking. So those are some of my tips. And then I will say what is pivotal for a retreat to be a retreat is that yes, you are getting away from your daily, every day routine, your default world and experience. Ideally, you are having some time with nature, in my preference, nature is a part of a retreat experience. And ideally, it is with other people. However, it doesn't have to be with other people. And it is possible to have a retreat without a facilitator facilitators can really serve in making a retreat feel safe, and in creating the outcomes that are set as the intentions. However, it's also possible to gather a group and to go somewhere in nature and to do some retreat activities, things like you know, nature hikes where you're not talking to each other where you're just experiencing silence or time where you are all journaling or time where you are all sharing with a particular prompt. Right some of those things you don't necessarily need a skilled facilitator To have a retreat like experience, and so if it feels out of budget or doesn't feel like something you're called to do, I do recommend at least experimenting with some of the elements some of the components of a retreat, because it can create a really powerful whether you do it on your own or out of retreat center or with me or with another retreat leader, retreats can create a really powerful opportunity for you to cultivate more self awareness and experiment with new ways of being, there can be places for deep healing, and powerful transformation. And I wish that for all my listeners, I wish for all of you to experience more healing and more transformation so you can expand more and more into your highest selves. Whether that be at a retreat with me or on your own. I wish that for you. And as I close up, I will invite you to check the link in the comments to see details on this retreat happening on May 2. I also have a retreat happening at Easton mountain in November so you can get some info on that as well. But I am thrilled to talk to you about retreats because it is one of the things I'm most passionate about. And I hope that you enjoyed listening be well. Oh my god is Beloved's. What a joy it was to be with you today. Let's hang out again soon. Okay. And if you can think of a friend who would benefit from hearing this, please share it with them. Sending so much love and light to you today and every day. Until next time, peace