Wil Fisher 0:00
Queerly beloveds, We are gathered here today for some juicy conversations about all things spiritually queer and clearly spiritual.
I'm Sylvia will gather rainbow, a spiritual life coach retreat hosts with the most, and drag queens, and I'll be chatting with the most amazing folks are simply sharing some wisdom on my own. If you like what I'm serving, please remember to subscribe so we can keep hanging out. Alright, let's get super wound together in this spiritual a queer a cosmic container
Hello Beloved's. And welcome back to another episode of clearly beloved. I am Silvia will gather rainbow, and today I'm coming through with a solo podcast. And I'm really looking forward to dropping in about this, the focus of today's solo podcast is going to be reflections on my recent awaken hearts retreat and some of the things that I learned from that experience. And so it's about a week and a half since I hosted that retreat, which was for a group a small, intimate group of GBT Q men who came together at this beautiful retreat center outside of San Francisco and Marin County. And since the retreat, I've been having follow up zoom sessions with each of the men, which I do, typically after retreats to see where they're at and see how the things that happened during our time together, have impacted them and their lives and see where they're at in their processing and integration of those things, and see where they have to go next. And so in doing those calls, I've been able to get even clearer about what some of the main themes were, that were happening in our time together, in order to share my learnings from that weekend with you guys here. So I'm going to just jump into it. And the first thing I want to talk about is hiding. And so what I came to see and observe in a deeper way than what I was previously aware of, is that so many GPT Q men, and people in general, have a fear of fully being seen. And because of that fear, people tend to hide. And they do it in a number of ways. Sometimes that looks like being quiet and kind of blending in with the background, and just not speaking up and using your voice and sharing at all. And then sometimes it can look like showing up but not showing up in one's fullest expression of their truth, not showing up vulnerably and being able to share but not to share the more tender vulnerable parts of themselves. And so that's a another way that people can hide is showing up with our masks on. And I think because this group was eight men, you know, it's a small container, it really created the opportunity for men to see where they do have a tendency to hide, because there wasn't a huge amount of people where they could actually continue to hide without it being noticed by the group. And it was never my intention. And I never did call out anyone for hiding. But it was clear in the invitation that we were there with this intention of showing up and being able to share our truths and speak vulnerably and speak from our hearts. And so because that was in the consciousness of the group, the men quickly became aware of how willing they were to do that, or how willing they were to be seen. And because of that, they were also able to see, in what ways they were stuck in a pattern of hiding. And, as I always say, it's awareness, where we begin to have access to transformation. So it's impossible or nearly impossible to transform or shift who we are without awareness because we need to know where we are currently, in order to choose something different. Not always. But in general, when we're working towards intentional transformation, it's important to start from awareness. So in this case, the men got to grow in their awareness of how willing they were to be seen. And then on a more nuanced level, if they were willing to be seen how much of themselves were they willing to be seen? And so it was from that place that many of the men were able to identify patterns of hiding. And I think this is especially true with GBT Q men who have a history of hiding. And I'd say most, if not all, people in the LGBTQ plus community have a history of hiding. Because from a young age, we were taught that this secret, this secret truth about who we are our sexuality and or gender identity was bad or wrong or sinful. And so we have a deep history of hiding. And we have learned to hide by playing small or blending in or putting on masks, oftentimes heteronormative masks in order to fit in and in order to not be exposed for this truth that was potentially dangerous for us to expose. And so it makes perfect sense that this would be a strong prevalent pattern, LGBTQ men, and it deprives people who are stuck in a pattern of hiding from fully embracing who they are, from fully being seen, and being able to see others and a deeper, more truthful way. And that's problematic, because when we are in this life, looking to love and be loved, if we aren't able to fully show up in our truth, then the love that we are receiving, is coming towards or the receiver of that love isn't our deepest truth. So in a sense, we are receiving an authentic affirmation we are receiving in authentic acknowledgement. And in some, on some level, we are receiving inauthentic love when we are not fully showing up in our truths. And so this was a really interesting thing for the men to start to identify where they were stuck in these patterns of hiding. And on the flip side, because of the beautifully safe space that we created, it gave these men an opportunity from that place of awareness to choose something different. And so it was present for more than one of the men where they noticed it on the first day or so it was a three night four day retreat. And then they chose something different. On the days that followed, they chose to be seen, they chose to step into their vulnerability, they chose to share their tender parts. And in so doing, they were able to be seen on a deeper level. And they were able to receive loving connection on a deeper level. And there's so much healing in that to be receiving in this more authentic, more full, more truthful way. And so that is one piece that really stuck out to me as a profound learning and a profound experience for many of the men. And as I speak about these loving connections, I feel like it's important to also acknowledge how quickly bonded people can become when they are connected their hearts, that with this experience, it was less than 24 hours when it felt like the group had started to become really cohesive. And I was able to observe deep connections happening with this group of men, none of whom knew each other prior to the event that they were able to experience very quickly. And it's because of this invitation to connect with their hearts and to connect with the hearts of each other. And because of the parameters and the safety that was created in that space, that they were able to do that. And so the learning there is that deep connections are possible in a very short amount of time, when there is a commitment to making those deep connections from a heart centered, heart connected place. And I hope that folks with that knowledge can find opportunities to choose to be connected to their hearts, especially when they are seeking connection with others. One of the ways I like to see this illustrated is with kids, you know, you can see kids become best friends in minutes because so many kids are in their hearts. And often they also become connected through play. And play is an important part of the experience of the retreats that I produce. I love play and I love the power of play and I love the power of play to conduct others. And so that is certainly one of the ingredients that I used and saw effective in its capacity to help these men feel like a The loving supportive group very quickly and experienced these deep connections between them. And one of the ways that I created safe space for the men to have these deep connections, was taking sex off the table. And so I share this, in part for folks who might be looking to host retreats of their own. It's important to recognize what your intentions are, and then set some agreements up in advance of the retreat that are going to serve and support those intentions. And so because I know that many gay men, or GBT, Q men can get distracted when sex is on the table, I decided to take that out of the equation. And so going into the retreat, all the folks who attended knew that sex was not permitted during the time that we were there. And I'm a very sex positive person, I have experienced incredible transformation and connection to spirit through arrows, especially through tantric work. And so it's not to say that sex is bad, and sex disconnects us from our heart, in a very pure and powerful way sex can connect us with our heart. But when we're talking about a four day experience, that is not erotic, tantra based, it made sense to me to remove that from the equation, so that it wasn't a distraction. And I did find that the men from that place, knowing that sex was out of the equation, that from that place, there was a greater ease in sharing themselves, there was less of a thought around being desired or desiring. Instead, there was a invitation into heart centered connection that had nothing to do with sex. And so many GBT Q men have experienced objectification, there is a strong trend in GB TQ relations to objectify each other, and to not fully see each other as the beautiful, full humans with full hearts that we are. And so that was another piece to it is that when sex was off the table, there wasn't an objectification that was happening amongst the group. And I think that was really helpful as well. One of the other common things that I observed and had the honor to support was healing around religious wounds. And it is so clear that this is prevalent, hugely prevalent in the LGBTQ community, especially in the LGBTQ spiritual community, that many of us hold these religious wounds, because of our upbringing, and because of the religious institutions, and the people who represent them condemning LGBTQ sexuality, or gender identity as sinful. And it's such an important issue for adults who have that experience to address and to look at, in so many instances, it can prevent LGBTQ people from having a pure and loving relationship with God, because they're stuck in this old I dia of who God might be, and not fully able to release the condition that they must show up in a certain way. And so I found it really powerful that this group was able to speak very vulnerably and candidly about their religious backgrounds, and the wounds that were inflicted upon them. And I think that there is something very healing, when you're able to share that story, and have other folks share it back to know that you are not alone in this experience to know that it was real, that it was impactful, not just to you, but to other people who had similar experiences. That can be a really healing opportunity, when we're able to hear our stories reflected back to us and other people's similar stories, and see that we're not alone in that experience. And see that we don't need to hold on to the beliefs and the negative emotions that came as a result of that oppression as a result of those ethos that were that were really pushed upon us. us during our upbringing, and so I found that really profound and powerful to get to witness the healing that happened around religious wounds. Another really powerful moment for me during the retreat was co creating with nature. And we had just the most beautiful sunny day, the first two days. And then the next day was rainy, and it was just like pouring rain. And then we had another sunny day. And then the atmosphere, the weather was part of the experience in a really beautiful and profound way we were, we were present to the elements and how they might be working with our energy as we were having these deep conversations and doing these exercises that were shifting our energy already. And then seeing how the rain was washing us free of these old wounds and helping us heal, and seeing how the sunshine was life giving and getting to be in nature and connect with nature in this way that we were able to receive love from nature, from this more open hearted place of receiving of receptivity, where we were able to connect deeper with each other with open hearts, we were also able to connect deeper with nature with an open heart. And one of the activities that we did, which was actually fairly short. But so effective, involves us connecting with nature in a way that we were able to receive wisdom from nature. And I found it so inspiring and exciting, the depth of wisdom that came through in that simple exercise, these learnings that were so profound and powerful and exactly attuned to the person who was receiving them. And what made me realize is that there is so much wisdom in nature. And if we slow down and take the time to be present with nature, and to invite that wisdom to come through that we get to receive so much like more than, you know, a bookstore worth of
literature on personal growth and spirituality can come from sitting with a tree and a bush and the flower and the wind. And I just found that really beautiful and inspiring to see how much we were able to learn together from our relationship with nature. The next thing and final thing I want to talk about is the power of intuition and how I utilize my intuition in facilitating this retreat. And what I'll start by saying is that my experience of guiding and facilitating intuitively had me realize something that I already knew, but hadn't experienced in this embodied of a way, which is that when we tap into our intuition and make a choice to follow our intuition, intuition grows, it's like a, a funnel or something or almost like a river like we have undammed the river. And now the water is coming through, and it's just chipping away at all the walls of the river and making a greater, more powerful flow of water, or in this case, intuition. And so I got to receive that and experience that firsthand. And the way that it works, facilitating intuitively, is having an intention, a very strong and clear intention that is CO created with the intention of the participants. And then having a good idea of the ways that I want to meet that intention, the tools, I want to use the activities, I want to offer the prompts I want to deliver. And from that informed place, where there is some structure, also creating a lot of spaciousness, to weave and to dance with intuition. And what that looks like is being really really present with the group and being present but the energy of each person and the group as a whole and listening in for what the people individually and as a group need. And then choosing again and again to follow the intuitive hits when I receive them. And so I want to share this for folks who are experimenting with intuition in any way in any aspect of their life. To, to play with it. And to know that the more that you choose it, the more that it comes online. And I'll share that there were some activities and some exercises that ended up happening that I would never have been able to just create sitting in my condo alone. I had to be in the space, I had to be with this group in order for the magic and creativity to unfold in the way that it did. And these activities were gold, you know, hearing back from the, the follow up calls, I've been able to hear men reflect on them and ask me like, how did you think of that, and it was such an intuitive process, and such a co creation with them. And with God, and with nature and with my guides. And so I share all this not to try to brag and boast but to, to invite folks to experiment and explore their relationship with intuition and see how it might impact their lives, and also their projects and the things that they are offering to the world. I got to experience it being above and beyond what I could have created. If I were really just stuck in my mind and trying to plan out the schedule for a retreat meant to help men awaken their hearts. Because I didn't do that because I was really open. And in the flow and connecting with my intuition, I was able to allow what unfolded to unfold in a way that was much more magical and creative than I could have ever done on my own just trying to think of it. And as I'm sharing this and finishing this up this beautiful hummingbird just appeared outside my window and is hovering. And I haven't seen a hummingbird in a while. So I just want to share that with readers too. And with listeners, and thank you all for listening. If you have questions about facilitating groups, that's something I like to share about. If you have questions about how you can receive this experience and come to one of my retreats in the future. I'd love to hear from you. I've got one coming up on the East Coast in November, and I'm cooking up one potentially to happen on the west coast in September or October. It is absolutely one of my highest expressions of purpose when I'm able to hold space and facilitate these retreats. It fills my heart to get to serve in that way. And so it'd be an honor and a joy to have any of my clearly beloved listeners, come experience that with me. And so thank you for listening so much love to you all. I hope that these insights, these little bits of wisdom that I was able to receive from my experience with the incredible men who showed up for that retreat are helpful to you all. I'm so grateful to the men who showed up. So if you're listening to this, I love you and I thank you and I honor you and I love you all you listeners. So thank you for being on this journey with me. My love to you. Peace.
Oh my goddess Beloved's What a joy it was to be with you today.
Let's hang out again soon. Okay. And if you can think of a friend who would benefit from hearing this, please share it with them. Sending so much love and light to you today and every day. Until next time, peace
Filename: