Carol Wyllie's message to all of us. Even when we feel alone

Imagine finding solace in shared struggles and coming out stronger on the other side. I'm Tami, your host and a cancer thriver, and in this heartfelt episode of "Cancer, the Emotional Mountain," I connect with Carol Wiley, author of the best-selling book "Chemo Pissed Me Off." Carol's journey and her perspectives on personalized cancer care struck a chord with me, and I believe they will resonate with you too. We discuss her motivations for writing the book, the importance of individualized treatments, and our hopes for a future where cancer care is less toxic and more tailored to each person's needs.

Together, Carol and I navigate the emotional landscape of a cancer diagnosis, from the loneliness of chemotherapy to the transformative realization of what's truly important in life. Through touching stories and honest reflections, we explore how facing cancer can shift your perspective, enhancing your appreciation for life and the significance of being present for others. Carol's insights into self-preservation and personal growth are both inspiring and thought-provoking, offering hope and understanding to anyone on a similar path.
https://www.wylliegirl.com/
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08ZJP6TWL

Transcript

Tami Barber 0:03

Welcome to another episode of Cancer, the Emotional Mountain. I'm Tami, your host and a cancer thriver. Today's episode will warm your heart. My guest today is the author of the best-selling book Chemo Pissed Me Off. The minute I finished listening to this book, I searched for the author, I had to meet her. The book was almost like reading my own journal. The feelings, the struggles and the results filled me with joy and comfort that I'm not alone. Carol shares a couple stories from the book that I know you're going to enjoy, and I will also have the link to her book and website in the show notes. There's going to be a second book, but read this one right now. Carol writes with heart and experience and she understands our journey. If you're struggling in your cancer journey, this is the place for you. A rollercoaster of emotions takes over with a diagnosis, Whether it's you or someone you love. Your life is suddenly changed .. Join me on this podcast for what I hope is a chance . breathe and be understood. I am thrilled today that Carol Wiley agreed to be my guest today. I found her book on Amazon Prime Audible and what drew me to it immediately was the title of the book is called Chemo Pissed Me Off, and the pissed the I after the P is an exclamation point, which I loved so much, because you can't just to say pissed could mean a number of things, but the exclamation point drove home. This is not .. This is really not okay. And so I reached out to Carol on her website and she immediately responded and I just danced around the room so excited because I love having someone on that has walked in our shoes, has experienced what we do and has a sense of humor about it as well as the experience. So I'm going to let her introduce herself, about her and a little bit about her journey. So, carol, welcome. Thank you so much for being here.

Tami Barber 3:22

You are so welcome. Thanks for having me, Tami.. And yeah, it was one of my easiest yeses when I saw your message, because I guess I feel like, why go through this big journey if we can't help the next guy in line, right? So it's just one of those things that, for me, helps it make sense, and I get a little emotional every time I say it. I think I'm over it, I think I can talk about it without getting emotional, but people who battle cancer really are near and dear to my heart, always will be, and I think we can do better. I wish we would do

Tami Barber 3:59

better

Tami Barber 4:00

.

Carol Wyllie 4:00

I get a lot of articles dropped into my email that talk about all of the strides that we're making in the cancer world, and so I would really like to see a day when we aren't just inundating our cancer patients with toxic treatments. I do think there's a time and a place for chemo and radiation and, obviously, surgery. I just think that we could probably do a lot less of it if we zeroed in on the why instead of now that it's here. Let's do this, let's talk about the why and let's stop it before it starts, and I do think that we have the power and we have the intelligence and we have the information to do that right now, I do believe so, before I go down that rabbit hole. That is why I'm always, always eager to talk to fellow cancer survivors or people who are still battling cancer and just share the knowledge or, even beyond the knowledge, just share the journey. Maybe it will help someone feel less alone.

Carol Wyllie 5:07

Yes, that is. The reason for this podcast is because I know there's a lot of t-shirts around cancer centers and hospitals that say no one fights alone. But I tend to not agree 100% with that. Yes, we have family that loves us, we have nurses and doctors that care for us, but, like you said earlier, it's kind of gotten to cookie cutter and I'm not a cookie, you're not a cookie and every single one of us have a different roller coaster.

Carol Wyllie 5:41

We're on Our bodies are different. Our bodies are different.

Carol Wyllie 5:43

It really.

Carol Wyllie 5:44

our bodies are so different yeah it's true and I and I appreciate the sheer numbers of people battling cancer to make it nearly impossible for them to not treat us like cookies, to not do that better approach. It's just unfortunate because we are all different and I mean what works for one person definitely doesn't work for the other, and vice versa. So it just would be lovely to see a more individualized approach to all illness and disease.

Carol Wyllie 6:21

Frankly, I actually saw a news report I think it was just yesterday from a doctor that said we need less treatment, we need to start seeking out, and one of the reasons it caught my attention is because one of the cancers they were discussing was ovarian. And hey, that's me and saying less radiation, less chemo, less surgery. Let's discuss it first. It seems like the doctors they don't have enough time to figure out how individual we are. You know. They're pushed to bring them in, bring them in, bring them in. I know doctors at the cancer center are. You know. I've heard a nurse say he's got 13 appointments this afternoon. How does anybody do 13 people from 1 pm to 5 pm and learn what they really, really need? That is not possible. Right, and they're burning out.

Tami Barber 7:26

Oh, for sure.

Carol Wyllie 7:26

They're burned out. Nurses are burned out. Everybody's burned out.

Carol Wyllie 7:30

For sure. And I've heard from one former health care professional who is now what you'd call a concierge, so she basically works for herself outside of the healthcare system, and she said it was, and she's a therapist, by the way. So she I go to, I see her for lymphedema and she talked about how frustrating it was that her hands were so tied within the system as far as how long she could spend on a patient and as far as she could go to treat them, and so it's very costly. But I am getting leaps and bounds over the kind of care that I was limited to within the system.

Carol Wyllie 8:14

And speaking of the system, I heard you were talking about hearing funny sayings, but I heard somebody the other day refer to it as the sick care system instead of the health care system and I, because you were saying less treatment and less. I do feel like we are kind of on this hamster wheel of one treatment or medication begets another treatment and another medication and pretty soon it just is spiraled out of control. And I've even heard people joke that you know, if you're not getting to the root cause of your illness and disease and you're just getting a pill to make it better, you don't have a doctor, you have a drug dealer. And I was like, oh, wow. Wow so these are powerful.

Carol Wyllie 8:58

Right. These are things that I do here in the more holistic naturopathic world than I do, obviously, here in the traditional medical world. And again, I do feel like there is a time and place for these drugs and these harsh medications. I do feel like if we were doing our due diligence and if we could all just get along and the naturopaths and the allopaths could, all you know, we could all just work together, that we would see a more well-rounded approach to things like illness and disease and, frankly, just see far less illness and disease.

Carol Wyllie 9:35

Yes, well, I am a licensed massage therapist, so I've had the wonderful opportunity to study Chinese medicine and holistic treatments. But see, I'm a rare person. I came into cancer with this knowledge and know how important it is, how important it is to meditate, exercise, check to make sure I'm getting the proper sleep, putting myself first. The people that come into this who have to continue to work to take care of their families, who have to worry about everything that goes on with their families and their friends, families and their friends and they they're overwhelmed from the gate and they don't get a chance to comprehend.

Carol Wyllie 10:32

I don't think anybody gets a chance after you hear the words you have cancer, um, I don't know about you, but I glazed over and, uh, I know that on my phone it said we talked for another 20 minutes. But I don't remember that conversation and I was diagnosed during the height of COVID, even before vaccines. So all of my appointments were either virtual and I lived alone or in the room by myself. I was even taken into surgery to remove the mass in a strange hospital I'd never been to before and no one could even come with me. So even in recovery, I don't remember what they said.

Carol Wyllie 11:19

I remember nothing. I remember being wheeled down the hall and I remember my doctor coming in to see me right before and she said because the hospital was so full of COVID patients who, sadly, were dying minutes apart. I'm getting you out of here tonight at by 6 PM and my surgery wasn't until one and I was wheeled downstairs to the lobby a little before 6 pm and walked out of that hospital by myself. She wanted to save my life and not have me be in a COVID environment. I didn't know what was going on. I didn't know what was going on.

Carol Wyllie 12:02

Right. So you know, luckily we're past that kind of danger, but there's still our minds, and our emotional peace can't absorb it all.

Carol Wyllie 12:16

Right, you said something earlier where you said I know we're not really alone, but there is a huge component of cancer that you really do walk through alone. You know, pandemic aside, because I I experienced some of my treatment and some of my reconstruction during the pandemic and then shortly thereafter, when things were still a little crazy for lack of a better word in in the hospitals, hospitals, in the doctor's offices. But there really is this element of walking through this alone. I just remember, on some of the worst days after chemo and lying on my bed and just wondering if I was dying, literally feeling like my body was dying, because, in essence, that's what chemo is doing. It can't.

Carol Wyllie 13:07

Killing everything.

Surviving Cancer and Finding Purpose

Carol Wyllie 13:08

It's killing everything. Unfortunately, it's not just picking and choosing, and so you know, my family was right there with me, my daughters were home from college to be there with me, and I was still alone. I was in that room, trying not to throw up, wondering if I was dying by myself, by yourself, and not to disrespect anybody. But yeah, and when? The drug?

Carol Wyllie 13:31

first enters that vein and you get that first sensation you're alone.

Carol Wyllie 13:36

Mm-hmm, it's only going through your veins.

Carol Wyllie 13:41

Yeah, you, it's in your head. You're silently thinking oh boy, here it comes and I'm going to be really sick and how much more of this can I take? And you never say a word. And the nurse comes and they're very kind, do you need anything? Are you doing okay? And all I can say is yeah, I'm fine, thank you, yeah yeah.

Carol Wyllie 14:04

So there's a huge component to all of this about putting yourself first and it might look selfish, seem selfish, sound selfish. I don't know that there's anybody out there that if they thought, if they wouldn't admit it not to a cancer patient that we're being selfish. But it's not all about you, right? Yeah, it is. In a way it is Because you know, by definition, if something is trying to kill you, you are using every resource you've got to stay alive. It, just it, just it goes beyond social graces, it goes beyond decency, it goes, it's I'm trying to survive, I want to live, and that's it's. It's I'm trying to survive, I want to live, and and that's it. Period, you know, and everything else becomes, you know, I, I always here's one of my repeat conversations. I talked to you about having those repeat conversations. It's why I wrote the book I thought put all those conversations down, because somebody needs to hear this. You've said it 500 times.

Carol Wyllie 15:04

And when I read the book you're right I was like, oh, thank God, I really needed to hear that.

Carol Wyllie 15:10

Yeah, yeah, no, and I'm sorry I just got off on a tangent and then lost my train of thought of the repeat conversation I was going to tell you about. But it's just one of those things where oh, I'm sorry, I just found it. Chemical brain, yay Right, maybe it's a little bit of undiagnosed adult ADD, but we don't have to go there. That's another rabbit hole. But no, what I was going to say is is that I wouldn't wish cancer on anybody? Going to say is is that I wouldn't wish cancer on anybody. But the perspective from this side is nice, because I feel like there are a lot of times in this life that we just we too easily take things for granted. We, we really just waste our moments worrying about what comes next or or stressed about what we've already done, that we wish we should have, could have, would have or whatever all of those things, and it really helps put all of that in perspective.

Carol Wyllie 16:07

It does.

Speaker 3 16:08

It really like. For me, it helps me be in the present. I mean, I'm still human. I'm still taking things for granted like a champ, because that's what we do, and I'm still losing my temper because that's my default setting. I talk about that in the book that I think I might have been born pissed off, but I know more now, so I do better to quote Maya Angelou. But I just think that going through something like this, it just puts you on a different level of appreciation for every single day.

Carol Wyllie 16:41

It does puts you on a different level of appreciation for every single day. It does, and I've said this and my audience knows I've said this, but I will never stop saying this. Cancer blessed me in many ways. I believe I have the patience of a gnat and it's given me a patience to listen to others, because now I know how important it is.

Carol Wyllie 17:08

I was going through life, you know, 150 miles an hour and I had to stop and I even had to sit down for a while and now I think somebody wants to tell their story. Stop, listen. I have such great strangers that are friends now that we hug and they share their stories and it is all about us and I love being able to talk to others about it that have been there.

Carol Wyllie 17:46

For sure, for sure, I don't expect anybody else.

Carol Wyllie 17:50

I was caregiver for both of my parents, who I lost to cancer, and one of the first times I cried after my diagnosis was not because I had cancer, but because I hadn't known what to do for them. Even though I thought. I was doing everything in my power, I was missing a huge piece, and that was to sit and listen.

Speaker 3 18:12

That's huge Wow yeah.

Carol Wyllie 18:14

So you wrote the book. For those who have not yet read it, but I'm going to make sure everybody goes and please listen to it uh as well.

Speaker 3 18:26

I know the title is a little misleading, that it might just be some kind of um rant fest, but it oh no, I found the humor immediately.

Carol Wyllie 18:35

Like I said, the exclamation point was like oh, this is for me yeah, it's truly a walk of helpful, but it's also going to be light enough that I can relate.

Speaker 3 18:46

Yeah, for sure it's a walk of faith. The title was important to me because for me it was really important for people to understand where I started and then where I ended up. And I, because I kind of came full circle. Like I said, I was this type A personality, very easily irritated and intolerant of the smallest things. And you know I find it's not a science, so don't quote me on this but I find that the more cancer patients I talk to, the more they're like me, those calm people that let things roll off of them and are just super Zen and chill and just, you know, mosey their way through life. They probably don't get a lot of illness and disease. It's the people like us who are borrowing stress from everybody else and who are trying to be everything to everyone. I think it's why breast cancer is so prevalent, because as women, we are natural caregivers, we are natural nurturers and we are trying to take care of everybody else.

Speaker 3 19:45

And you know that's when I got diagnosed. I mean, I became an empty nester and it was finally after 20 years as a stay at home mother. I um, it was finally my turn and my husband's like you know, what is it that you want to do with your life, Do you? You know you want to go back to work, do you? Because I did love my job that I quit before you know, when I had children, and I said well, you know, one thing I haven't done is I really wanted a degree. I never got a degree. Maybe I'll, maybe I'll go back to school. He goes. But what would you major in? What would you want to do? He goes. If you could do anything you wanted in this life, what would be a writer? I would be a published author. And he said then do that. And so, with love that with the machine that is Amazon now and the ability to self publish, it's easier than ever.

Speaker 3 20:40

So I found, I found out all I could about self publishing my book on Amazon and I got down to the business of writing that book and it went from blank page to published in five and a half months. It literally wrote itself because I had so much to say. I was so pissed off and I always say it's not the book that I ever thought I would write. But there I was with all of that material when I dreamed of being a writer.

Speaker 3 21:10

I dreamed of maybe being I don't know, judy Blume or something I mean honestly like I wanted to write the stories that moved me to become such a bookworm, that moved me to love reading. That's what I wanted to contribute to the world. Reading that's what I wanted to contribute to the world, and I talk a lot about how you know, be careful what you pray for, because he's listening and he wants to grant the desires of your heart and I'm like going forward. I might pray for the specific avenue that gets me there, because I would have never. I would have never opted for hopping on the chemo train that was going to get me to this end. Result of being a published author.

Carol Wyllie 21:44

How do I get attention? I know I'm a cancer.

Speaker 3 21:48

Yeah, right, yeah, and I specifically wanted to be a bestselling author and that book became a bestseller in the breast cancer category on Amazon, which is a fairly large category, unfortunately. I mean, I talk about it all the time. I'm like it's, it's, it's an incredibly big market, especially for books, and it's because there's just so much cancer and that's the part that pisses me off.

Carol Wyllie 22:22

I mean we can do better. Well, it's a love letter from you, from something that, like you said, you never asked for, but it brought a dream come true. But, yes, next time be a little more specific, right, because they are. He always is listening, the universe is always listening. One of the things that I loved I'm going to apologize to everybody for this parrot. She is in rare form, but she's telling you all she loves you. One of the things that I really, at the very beginning of the book about the car, your car, you pulling over your car didn't break down. You had a noise. Tell me that story. I love that story.

Speaker 3 23:13

Oh yeah, okay. So I ended up being on the scene of a really horrific accident. On the scene of a really horrific accident and in order to put me right in that moment, at that time I would have had to have pulled over in exactly the way that I did. I was coming home from lunch and I was with a girlfriend and I said did you hear that there's a noise? Did you hear that noise? And she said I don't hear a noise. And I'm like and so I keep driving. And I'm like no, there it is again. I heard that noise. It sounds like it's in my tires. I need to pull over, I need to look at my car. I am not mechanically inclined whatsoever. I don't know what I thought I was going to find, but I pull over. All four tires look like they have air in them, they look like regular tires. So I'm like okay, so I get back in the car and I keep driving and I don't hear the noise, and so I guess we're good.

Speaker 3 24:07

Just that pulling over for that amount of time put me on the scene of an accident where a truck had turned in front of a motorcycle and vice versa. She had turned in front of him. He was coming straight and so I don't know whose fault it was, but this woman was lying in the road and her leg was almost missing. You know, it was broken in a really graphic way and I am super squeamish, right, I'm super squeamish. Had I probably stopped long enough to take the scene in, I might have actually just joined her right there on the road, cause I I'm serious. So I just ran to her and was really focused on her face and was just talking to her and, you know, calming her.

Speaker 3 24:52

And my girlfriend was trying to call 911 and we live out in a rural area where, you know, cell signals are spotty and things like that and she was having a really hard time getting a signal, but she finally did. And it turns out that, I mean, we saved her life essentially because she it was bad. I mean I don't want to gross out your listeners, but she was bleeding out because her leg was so badly damaged. And I found out later that she did end up losing her leg, but that she, you know, she remembers the woman who who stayed beside her and prayed for her, and you know it was weird. Anytime I would stop praying over her to ask my friend, what are they saying? She would start screaming in pain again and then when I would just touch her face and, you know, pet her face and pray for her and just talk to her, she would calm down. And so it was. It was, it was quite traumatic, so, um, but thanks for asking about that story. I don't know.

Carol Wyllie 25:54

It's so powerful. It grabbed me right away because I believe in the power of prayer. I believe that I am here because of it. I've always been somebody who a friend says you know so-and-so needs prayers for this or that, and I send them. But I was the recipient for the first time right after my diagnosis and it was determined that I was not doing well and probably had about a 30% chance of survival. And I reached out to a select group of friends and we had a text chain and I just said, as I was going into surgery, I need your prayers. And the power that came over me, the calmness, the okay, let's go, there's nothing to be afraid of right now, let's go was so overwhelming that it was kind of like, wow, I'm going to be more serious about praying for others from now on, because this works.

Speaker 3 27:10

Yes, 100% Prayer changes things Absolutely.

Carol Wyllie 27:13

It does, it does and any other thing in the book. You want to share that and then we'll talk about the next book.

Cancer Journey and Finding Support

Speaker 3 27:25

but anything else, maybe a favorite part of yours from the book- Well, we talked a little bit about you know, the nurses waking you up through treatment. So I mean, probably one of my favorite stories is when I'm discussing, when I'm first getting diagnosed and I'm going from, you know, doctor's appointment to doctor's appointment and you know getting test results and all the things. You know getting test results and all the things. And you know I'm just this deer in the headlights kind of person and at that moment of how did this happen? How did I get here? And these doctors are just super nonchalant, the nurses are nonchalant, the front desk is nonchalant and it's it's probably the story of it was right around Christmas time, so the waiting room at the doctor's office is just decked out in all of its Christmas glory and I had just heard how aggressive my tumor was and how not only did they want me to have chemo, but they were going to want me to or no at first. They thought maybe I could just get away with radiation and no chemo, but they were going to want me to or no. At first. They thought maybe I could just get away with radiation and no chemo. And as I'm sitting there with the radiologist in that appointment, the nurse I get a phone call from the surgeon. We got the pathology back. It's really aggressive. We're going to refer you for chemo. And so then the bottom just kind of fell out Right and they said look, your oncologist is here in the building. And he wasn't my oncologist, he was just the one I consulted with. I hadn't picked anybody yet. But this is again with the way they just kind of you're already in, they put you on the assembly belt and you're going. And so they said your oncologist is here in the office, let's bring him in and he can talk to you. Can we have you sit out in the waiting room for just a moment while we locate him, and then we'll call you back in.

Speaker 3 29:13

So I went out in the waiting room and I'm sitting there and as I'm waiting, all of these people start filing into the waiting room. I mean just a ton of people, and I'm like what in the world is going on? And I mean they're so crammed in that I say in the book that I'm staring into the pocket of stranger ass. This guy's butt is in my face and I'm just sitting here with the bottom falling out of my world, and this group of people erupt in carols and they start singing Christmas carols and I again.

Speaker 3 29:45

Okay, look, I'm born in December, my name is Carol. I am a Christmas Carol. I don't hate Christmas carols. I don't hate Christmas. Name is Carol, I am a Christmas Carol. I don't hate Christmas Carols. I don't hate Christmas. I just wish these people would know their audience a little better. I understand they were trying to bring joy. I understand. I get it. I get it and God bless them. But some of us are sitting there with the bottom falling out of our world and we really don't want to hear about Frosty the freaking snowman.

Carol Wyllie 30:10

You just take that shit down the road, okay, please, yeah and I don't, I don't, I don't want to butt carol um, thanks, but no thanks. I. I witnessed the same thing, um, and and you do, you? You sit and think how am I a terrible person right now? Right right when words I'm like oh, isn't that the truth? I think I was listening. I'm pretty sure I shouted, I know Right.

Speaker 3 30:43

Yes, See, this is what I'm talking about. A lot of us have been there. We've been in these situations and, yeah, it's just nice to, even if we're not solving all the world's problems, it's nice to feel like somebody else gets it, and so that was that was one of the big, big reasons. And I mean beyond that, I do, I do, um, I do give a lot of tips and tricks that worked for me throughout the book. So there are some tangible takeaways for people. Um, it's not just this feel good book of hey, you're not alone there. I tried to make it this all encompassing thing. I tried to make it a very entertaining read. It's very balanced.

Carol Wyllie 31:20

I felt that Thank you.

Speaker 3 31:22

I appreciate that Because I really wanted it to be something that people would enjoy.

Carol Wyllie 31:27

It goes from oh my gosh, that's my life, to wow, that's good to know. You know, I kind of just rode the wave and absorbed and laughed and I don't want to say I cried but I paused with you. I cried but I paused with you. That's why I reached out to you, because I couldn't believe that my twin was across the country going through the same exact emotions that I was.

Speaker 3 32:08

Yes.

Carol Wyllie 32:08

And my emotions have been all over the place and it's nice to sometimes just take a break from mine and write somebody else's.

Speaker 3 32:19

That's what I like. Well, it is. It's nice to be able to kind of take off this hat that we're being forced to wear and maybe just live in another place for a moment, which I mean that's a great segue for for the project that I'm working on now and the working title is again not sure if this is going to be the title, but the. But the working title, with the sense of humor I have, is called boobs are overrated, because I spent two plus years going through reconstruction and I'm I'm, god willing, on the tail end of it. But I don't even have my final follow-up visit with my plastic surgeon until next week. So we will see.

Speaker 3 33:00

And I just went through surgery number five for this reconstruction journey. I probably have had 10 surgeries overall since this whole thing began 13 years ago. Overall, since this whole thing began 13 years ago and it's one of the things that I say a lot is that it's a heavy commitment to boobs what I went through, and sometimes I would ask myself why are you doing this? I'm sure you do, I'm sure many women do.

Speaker 3 33:31

It goes right back to that. At one point, I would like to be able to look in the mirror and be and not see that hat that I've been wearing for 13 years. I would. I would like to just look in the mirror and just see that girl that that didn't have to go through all of that, and having a couple of normal looking boobs and a shirt that I don't have to overthink, or a bra that I have to stuff, or all of the things that go along with it. That was why I kept doing it and I thought, if I have felt this way and if I have second guessed myself and I know other people must have too and maybe, maybe I need to write this down because, because truthfully, I was really looking forward to trying to find my inner Judy Blume, but then all of this happened.

Carol Wyllie 34:23

Have a lacy already stuffed bra.

Speaker 3 34:27

Well then all of this happened and I thought, well, maybe God's trying to tell me something, and so, you know, there's a thing that I've heard them say a lot in church where they say God doesn't waste a hurt, and so maybe I need to not waste all of this that I went through.

Carol Wyllie 34:43

Well, exactly no, I don't think you even. And I know that people reach out to you and I know that, like you said, you get things dropped in your email. But I have learned through this podcast that there's some silent listeners out there. As a podcast host, you get your stats, you find out how many downloads you have, you find out what cities they are in, and yet you may not hear from anyone. You may only hear from three. Right, I've had, uh, people come up to me that know me that I didn't know they were even listening and they just give me a hug and they'll say you really, you really touched me. I, I needed to hear that and and that's why it's like you know, I do so many solo ones where I just share what's been going on, like you, just to let people know that they aren't alone and we don't always get all the feedback, you know. And then you walk through this going okay, is anybody out there? Hello?

Speaker 3 35:57

Well, and that's a great point, because I would love to just tell your listeners that if you want to make a little bit of a difference for people like you, people like me, people who are doing podcasts about this, people who are writing books about it, leave us a review. Exactly, just take two minutes, please.

Carol Wyllie 36:16

Leave us a review, leave us a review because we want to know we're reaching you. It's not an ego stroke, it's to say, oh good.

Speaker 3 36:27

Well, and what I've learned about the self-publishing journey, because I've had to teach myself marketing and all of the things that you know that traditional publishers usually do for authors right, but um, it's. It's not about, um, making us look important. It's. It's truly about teaching the algorithm to put our, our podcast, our book, in front of people that could use it. With every review, they say, oh, that's what this person said about this. I've seen this person searching for this over here. I'm going to go ahead and put this in their feed and it's going to show up for them. It's the same when you're scrolling on Amazon that if you're looking for things to help treat any chemo burns or radiation burns or anything like that, and you see some review on my book that talks about those things, they're going to go. Oh, I bet she'd like this book. You see what I mean. It's just it's helping other people.

Carol Wyllie 37:22

You're right, it's where, sometimes, if we have to depend on the algorithm and and and and I'm okay with that too, as long as the right people are hearing it. And what I learned after my first year of this podcast is how many caregivers are listening. I had no clue. I remember in the beginning I was like I'm going to talk to the cancer patient, I'm going to think about the cancer patient, I'm going to think about the cancer patient, and I heard from so many caregivers that I thought, oh, you guys need help too. They're hurting.

Speaker 3 38:03

Yeah, I tell a pretty good story in this next book about my husband. Oh great, it was just a weird time for him that we thought we were in the clear and it was like he was going to go take off for a guy trip and one of my surgeries went really south and so 10 days later, I mean we thought I was fine. And then 10 days later he's away for the weekend and I ended up going into an emergency surgery without him and my best friend was there hanging out with me and she ended up driving me to the hospital and, just like you talked about with COVID, she wasn't allowed in so I was just internally bleeding, I could barely stand on my own and she had to kick me out at the door and trust that I wasn't going to fall on my face walking into the ER. It was scary, but again, that's a whole nother book, a whole nother story.

Carol Wyllie 38:57

We got another book, kids. It's coming, it's coming, I can't wait. And uh, books, uh, because I did see something on your website Um, what is your? Um let's, let's like, hop off this, this rollercoaster, and get on the merry-go-round of what other kind of stuff do you do? I mean, she's got all kinds of talents.

Speaker 3 39:19

Oh well, thank you. After writing Chemo Pissed Me Off. I just kind of wanted to lighten it up. Now that I had learned how to self-publish. I thought, okay, what should my next project be? And I had told this story to my children when they were little and I think I already mentioned, my girls are in college and I thought that's the story. I want to publish that story, so it'll just be there, they'll have it to read to their kids. And it was light. I already knew the story. I could immortalize it if you will, and it just sounded like the happiest project in the world.

Speaker 3 39:53

And I ended up actually finding a local artist where I live and again, I live in a very tiny town of maybe 8,000 to 10,000 people, and she was a young mom and, again, just a true artist in every sense of the word. But one of her bucket list items was to always illustrate a children's book. Artist in every sense of the word. But one of her bucket list items was to always illustrate a children's book and somebody I think she just happened to see it on social media one time through a friend of a friend of a friend, and just hit me up and said, hey, would you want to collaborate on this, and so I wrote that first children's book and it became a bestseller.

Speaker 3 40:26

People loved it. The title of the book is called Mad Dog and a Lizard, which is a very strange title, I know, but it's tied into some funny nicknames that my children were given and I spun a tale around these cute little nicknames and the rest is history. But my point is is that people liked it so much that it became a series and it's now a three book series of Mad Dog and his unlikely friendships. And it's they're just sweet stories. They're very near and dear to my heart, but it seemed like a great way to kind of take a little bit of a left from the dark side of cancer and do something really lighthearted while still leaning into this new empty nester. Second act of mine.

Carol Wyllie 41:11

Well, your right brain just still hold so much more. We can't just keep doing all the same things. Thank you, carol. I will have for all of you who are listening. I'm going to have Carol's website on the show notes. I'm going to have any other information she wants to give out to us so that you can reach out and and again leave that review, because it will. It will get it. It'll manage to get it to someone else.

Speaker 3 41:48

Yep, and you can find me. People can find me on socials too. I'm on Facebook Look up Wiley girl. I'm on Instagram at the Wiley girl. It's easy to remember because they'll know it by my website that you're going to post. So but yeah, tammy, it was an absolute pleasure. I'm so glad we met. Thank you for reaching out to me. I appreciate it so much and I wish you and all of your listeners just good health and good books.

Supportive Cancer Podcast Conversation

Tami Barber 42:17

Yes, yes, and we will be right back, as always. I want to thank you for listening to another episode of Cancer the Emotional Mountain. I want to sincerely thank my guest today, carol Wiley, and you all need to get chemo Piss me off. I hope you found something that will help you in your journey today. Please subscribe and share the podcast if you know someone who could use a helping hand. Also, if you want to check in, join the Facebook group Cancer the Emotional Mountain. Support for each other is never overrated. If you have a more personal concern or question, please don't hesitate to send me an email at cemotionalmountain at gmailcom. I'm not an expert, just another traveler on this crazy mountain of peaks and valleys. Please check the show notes for more information on how to get Carol's book and all her socials on how to follow her. For now, this is Tammy, telling you to breathe, take care of yourself and never give up. You're trying to hide. There's something you're keeping inside, but I'm trying to get to know you much better. It don't matter how much time it takes.