Ep 8: Journey Through Fashion Styling: Trials, Triumphs and Self-Care

Hop on board as we journey through the exciting world of fashion styling with our guest, DQ. A seasoned stylist, he paints a vivid picture of his life's journey, from backstage at local fashion shows to the glamorous New York Fashion Week. The road was far from smooth, and you'll be captivated by his stories of trials, family support, and the pivotal role of a mentor in his career. DQ's path to self-belief is a testament to the importance of taking bold steps towards your ambitions.

Beyond the glitz and glamour, DQ also opens up about the weighty topic of mental health and the necessity for self-care. He shares his personal battles, and a poignant moment when a friend's call and words of encouragement provided a lifeline. You'll gain insight into how absorbing other people's energy can impact your mental state, and how creative endeavors, such as styling, can provide balance. In closing, DQ leaves us with an inspiring pep talk focused on the power of collaboration and keeps the door open for anyone in need of a stylist. His journey is truly an inspiration for all of us, whether we're fashion enthusiasts or simply looking for motivation to chase our dreams.
DQ's instagram: StylebyDQ

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:01

Welcome to Pockets of Time. I'm Chunky Panda. Dive in as we uncover those unexpected gems of clarity and inspiration, from mental well-being to light-hearted fun. We're all about growth and a positive mindset. Looking for a lift or some clear-headed insights. You're in the right pocket. Let's unravel the magic together. Welcome, welcome. Welcome to Pockets of Time. I'm Chunky Panda, your host, and I am actually here today with a special guest, dq we met. I want to say do you remember?

Speaker 2: 0:43

It was like February.

Speaker 1: 0:45

Yeah, february, yeah, so we met in February. He's been my stylist for the past. I know the one shoot we had three outfits. I'm going to count that as like three shoots, four or five. So we've been like through five shoots together and he styled me and when I tell you I loved all my outfits, I got published and I didn't even know what published meant and so I got a little magazine with myself in it and I was like what the hell? This is so crazy. But yeah, I just we just wanted to get on here and just talk about self-worth, confidence and pretty much how he got into the styling world. So I guess that's my intro of you, but I will let you introduce yourself. My name is.

Speaker 2: 1:27

DeKwan, I started styling 2016. So I've been doing it eight years going on now. Started out working in fashion shows from fashion shows. I did that actually for a couple of years to try to get experience with the work with people.

Speaker 1: 1:48

Was it like local fashion shows or did you travel to do it?

Speaker 2: 1:52

I actually did local, but I did New York Fashion Week. I did. I got to do that. I worked under a couple of people that was more advanced than me.

Speaker 1: 2:03

What was your bridge into that? Because I know you like start. But who was that person that was like, hey, I'm going to take you under my wing, kind of thing.

Speaker 2: 2:11

Oh, as in he. Actually I worked with a stylist designer. His name is Larry Ordwood.

Speaker 2: 2:20

He lives in New York, but he was coming out here doing shows. He would ask me to be a part, help him style, get the models together for his shows that he was showcasing, his pieces that he was showcasing, and from there I was working with Charlotte Singh here too. Yeah, I did that for 2016. I think, no, this 2016. But it was really a girl named Ashley. A girl named Ashley, she was the first one that, I would say, introduced me to the styling world. I still remember her to this day because she was a stylist and she had me be a part of a photo shoot and then she had me be a part of a couple of her events.

Speaker 1: 3:10

That's incredible.

Speaker 2: 3:11

Invite me to some fashion shows and stuff like that.

Speaker 1: 3:13

I feel like that's like true community, where it's like hey, you know what I like you, let's work together. Let me just bridge you into all these other events which is beautiful. I want to say how was it? Did your family know this is what you do? Probably, yeah, were they weird about it at first? I know it's. I feel like a lot of times parents are like, oh, you need to get a real job, I don't know, like a doctor or nurse or a tech job or something.

Speaker 2: 3:41

Were they weird about it. I think for me, is this really what you want to do and how you go? Take it serious yeah. I think, that because my family has always been supportive and everything I do. I love that.

Speaker 2: 3:57

So I think, when I started really seeing, oh, I want to be a stylist, I kept saying it like I want to be a stylist, I want to be a stylist. But it's like I felt they didn't say this to me. But I feel like in my mind, if you want to be something, you need to work like you need to work, like you need to work, work.

Speaker 1: 4:15

You got to put your deposits in the universe. You can say it, you can't manifest it, but if you make no moves towards the action, then it's like dreaming and just like being like I wish.

Speaker 2: 4:24

Put some action behind what you're saying, and I think for me I need it to, and it's not that you trying to get your family's approval, but it's like, dave, for your family to see you doing something, that you stick to what you say you was going to do a couple of years ago. For me, that was important to me, because it's when you need your support of your family. You don't need it, but it's nice to have it.

Speaker 2: 4:52

And I think, for me, once I really took it serious, I'm like no, I'm going to be a stylist. Like, I'm going to work, I'm going to figure out how you do this, I'm going to talk to people, I'm going to get under people who I can work with. What can I do? I got to do some free stuff for a couple of years and it's fine, but if it's going to help me be the type of stylist I want to be, then I have to. I'm going to have to do it.

Speaker 1: 5:18

I love that. That's, and when you say it like that, you realize, because a lot of people say, oh yeah, I want to do this, I want to do that, but there's no fire or passion, and just hearing you speak about it, I just sit here and I'm like, damn, you definitely found your purpose. You're the things that light you up.

Speaker 1: 5:33

And I think that's incredible. And it goes back to saying when people say and this is the same that I think I've heard over time, where it's like what is it? When you start doing the things that you say you're going to do, you're going to do it, you spark this belief within yourself that you can do it.

Speaker 1: 5:52

And I think, when you started doing that for yourself, that's when it was like what do you mean? I am this person, I am this. So now, therefore, I have this complete confidence in myself. Now I'm gonna do it. There's no reason why I wouldn't.

Speaker 2: 6:06

And I think that's so incredible. Yeah, yeah, I had to believe in myself, yeah.

Speaker 1: 6:12

Was it were there like a lot of times where you had a lot of self doubt, because I know it's like hard because, like I said, you start comparing yourself and you look at all these people and then you're like, oh man, I'm not that far ahead or I'm not like close, or am I ever gonna get there?

Speaker 2: 6:27

Yeah, I went through all of that. I mean, I went through the self doubt of myself. Maybe I'm not good enough of that, other people are, or maybe I'm not, you know, maybe I don't have this type of skill, or maybe I should have went to school, or maybe I should have did this. It was all of that, but I think for me, I had to realize that I'm in my own lane.

Speaker 1: 6:52

Yes, sir, woohoo, wait, where's the pause button? Yeah, I like it Okay.

Speaker 2: 6:58

I am, I really feel like I don't need clicks and groups. I feel like for me, I work well in my own lane. Me being who I am has gotten me this far as in me not really having being signed or anything like that. So, yeah, I had all those insecurities, especially with Stalyn, because you are putting yourself out there to the world to be judged with clothes and stuff like that. I quit a lot, trust me, I quit a lot in Stalyn. I was like I'm done.

Speaker 1: 7:35

What was the hardest moment that you can recall? That you were just like. I don't think I want to do this. I think I might just not continue on with this path.

Speaker 2: 7:46

If I'm being honest, it was the moment where I felt like I hit rock bottom. I was. It was a lot of things going on in my life at that specific time and I was losing everything, as in, I was losing opportunities, I was losing a management that I was with at the time and I was. It was just a lot of things and I was really suicidal at that time. The break yeah. And I feel like that was the lowest of the lowest that I ever felt in my life.

Speaker 1: 8:25

Yeah. So I want to say what was your saving grace? What was your like wow, I. There is more to just this, and I'm sorry that you felt that way at that time and experienced that.

Speaker 2: 8:40

Yeah, I'm glad I got through it, but it in particular I could just say Like I had it all playing, that half is gonna do it and all this stuff.

Speaker 2: 8:56

I received a call from a model friend of mine, that day and she didn't know anything that was going on or anything like that. And she called me and left me a voicemail and she was just talking to me and she was just saying she was like they come, she told me to call her. I wasn't going to call her, but something was like just call her, just call her. I called her and I talked to her for about I don't know how long, but when I called her, everything that I was feeling in that moment she already knew that I was feeling. It knew that was because I that was the moment that I was going to take my own life. It was on a Sunday and she called and I talked to her and I knew I was at that moment because she just let me cry. I think I cried, I don't even know it was so long.

Speaker 1: 9:57

And I feel like it was like a release that you needed that. I think a lot of the times we grow up to were like oh no, we can't cry, we can't be weak, we can't be this, and then it just then you hold it and then you don't want to burden anyone, so you don't talk about it.

Speaker 1: 10:10

It makes it even worse, and I think it's very common and very empathetic people and I'm so glad you're here. I'm so glad that we're sitting here talking about this and being able to let this out into the open so that someone else who may be going through something similar can, like have some comfort.

Speaker 2: 10:28

Yeah. Yeah, she was my. To me I feel like she was a light for me, because she did not know what I was going through, but to me I feel like she was sick and I needed her right in that moment.

Speaker 1: 10:46

And so the reason why I named my podcast Pockets of Time is because moments like this, it's you never know and there's this person that you may have not talked to for a minute, and they call you or they get in touch with you and they tell you exactly what you need to hear. And yeah, she was sent to you because it's not your time, because you're supposed to do so much more.

Speaker 2: 11:08

Yeah, and I was saying another friend of mine, his name is Jabari. He was another person for me that was really have been supportive, and not to say my other friends not, but as in that moment that I was in that he was another one that was big one. I know this is what you're supposed to be doing. I know it. This is your calling, this is your gift. I'm not about to let you give up on yourself.

Speaker 1: 11:39

And I've worked with you multiple times and I've it's like this spark in you Cause then I'm like let me just do this. And you're like no, I'm going to do it because I know that it's going to be done a very specific way and it's just, I've never seen someone with so much like passion and spark. I've seen in other fields, but like in this, I'm just like watching you and I'm like it brings you joy and I can feel it and it makes me happy and I'm like, wow, I really want to do this shoot.

Speaker 2: 12:03

You're right. Yeah, I love it, thank you for all of it. Yeah, I love working with you and I love styling you and that creating different looks, and for me, it's my happy place.

Speaker 1: 12:15

Yeah. It's your creative process and I think a lot of people don't realize this. But creativity is a way to release, like whether it's singing, dancing, styling, painting, whatever it is that you're into, and I think a lot of people aren't able to touch that and that's what happens when you can't release that part of you, it becomes stagnant energy, and then you get stuck and then those bad feelings come.

Speaker 1: 12:40

So, yeah, wow, I like I'm so happy, like hearing your story and seeing where you've come and that kind of thing, and I want to say what was your highest point? Because we just talked about your lowest point what was your highest point in styling that you're like this is it. I knew it. I knew this was for me.

Speaker 2: 13:06

Crazy enough, like after after. That happened literally that same year when I received an award for I received a couple of awards before, but I received a Salus of the Year award for your Salus of the Year that same year. Yeah, that same year. I was going, I was so down and so depressed and wasn't like, mind you, I was still styling people around that same time and that's why I did stop.

Speaker 1: 13:40

Yeah, it's energy, it's exchange of energy, and when you don't get your cup filled like it feels it just, even though you're doing things that are making you happy. But recharge and resetting is so imperative because energy doesn't lie and energy is very transferable, like it's contagious. So yeah. Even if people don't say hey, I'm sad or I'm like angry, or I have stuff going on you for some reason as an impact, like I feel like we absorb that without even understanding it.

Speaker 2: 14:09

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 14:10

And then it like piles up, and then we get all these feelings because some of them might not even be yours. You know, and it's just like yours and a mixture of everybody else's, so it feels even worse.

Speaker 2: 14:20

Yeah, yeah, that's that about right.

Speaker 1: 14:23

Yeah, but I hope that has also made you go. You know what I need to make a day for myself, self care, whether it's hey, I'm going to go get my hair done, or I'm going to go buy myself a nice cologne, or yeah, whatever it is.

Speaker 2: 14:37

I do. My therapist told me every day you need to do something for yourself. It don't even have to be necessary spending money. It could be something simple as you watch a movie or you write a good journal, or whatever. You need to do something every day for yourself.

Speaker 1: 14:54

What are your steps of like self care that you do for yourself to make sure that you maintain that balance with yourself?

Speaker 2: 15:01

I do watch movies. I watch movies. What's?

Speaker 1: 15:05

your favorite movie.

Speaker 2: 15:06

Selena. I love that, that's my favorite movie ever I love that. And a journal.

Speaker 1: 15:15

I'm, yeah, I'm. I struggle with that right now. I've been trying to do it every day, but I told myself, even if it's a line of, hey, how are you?

Speaker 2: 15:23

I'm just going to do it with yourself, yeah.

Speaker 1: 15:26

So I love that and I think over time, when I've done it, I've realized that it becomes easier and easier.

Speaker 2: 15:34

Make you feel that, yeah, I have like over eight journals.

Speaker 1: 15:38

I love that. How did you get into journaling?

Speaker 2: 15:41

I started journey like 2015. Yeah, I started journey like 2015. I think for me I got into it because it was more so as me expressing myself, my feelings, more so I wasn't talking to other people because at that time I didn't have it there.

Speaker 2: 16:00

I felt like stuff that you feel in the inside, that you feel like maybe you can't share with friends or family and I started journaling, just writing, yeah, my feelings, to the point where now that was 2015, up to all the way down, I've been journaling every six days. I love that.

Speaker 1: 16:19

Wow, and I feel like also journaling. When you read it, after you write it from, it almost feels like you're reading it from a third person's view.

Speaker 2: 16:26

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 16:27

Where you're like what I'm doing great, I was like I have this going, like, why am I so focused on this? You know what it actually brings like awareness to what it is that you're feeling.

Speaker 1: 16:36

Not saying like to dismiss it, but to also be like wait a minute, I also have all this great stuff going and I'm only writing all the negatives down about it. And I think for me in the past, like whenever I've gotten into a really bad situation, I would write it and I would take that and either burn it or toss it somewhere and it's just like me saying I release these feelings.

Speaker 1: 16:56

They no longer belong to me. Yeah, but I love that and I was going to say you set their piss like, do you? Well, when did I know it's like a loaded topic Could? People are like, oh my gosh, you shouldn't have to see a therapist, or X, y and Z. But I think therapists are helpful and I love my therapist.

Speaker 2: 17:13

Yeah, I love that.

Speaker 1: 17:15

When did you? What was the point in time where you were like, hey, I really just I need to take the next step and just talk to somebody?

Speaker 2: 17:23

I felt like my life at that time was all over the place. I felt like I didn't really have no boundaries. I really felt like I didn't have any boundaries.

Speaker 1: 17:32

That's when I'm working on it.

Speaker 2: 17:33

And I felt like I didn't have no structure. I felt like I was really guarded. Sometimes I felt like I was very argumentative, just depending on what the situation is. I just felt like my life at the time. I needed someone who didn't have anything to do with the issue but was able to Keep you accountable. Yeah, keep me accountable and everything what people do to you. I heard it's not about you, it's about them.

Speaker 1: 18:07

That's my favorite saving grace that I say to myself all the time and I literally got this tattoo here. It's Kwan Yin, and so she's like the mother of mercy, and it's always to remember to be compassionate towards those people, because a lot of the times, it's their insecurities and the shit that they're going through that they pour on you. It's just so hurtful, because we're very receptive to things like that. So I love you for that. Hell yeah. Yeah, because oh it didn't work, oh, but it's fine Okay.

Speaker 2: 18:38

Yeah, but that's so true and I feel like I needed to have someone who I could just talk to about anything.

Speaker 1: 18:47

And not feel judged yeah.

Speaker 2: 18:49

I feel judged, she's great. Her name is Shade Graham.

Speaker 1: 18:53

She's great. Woo. Sorry, my applause button isn't working, but I'm going to say woo, If you guys are looking. She's incredible.

Speaker 2: 19:01

She is, she really is, and I feel like she has helped me see myself and my value in myself and helped me overcome a lot of things forgiveness and anger and sadness and whatever I'm feeling in that moment, because I used to have these years of just being sad, not knowing why I'm sad, it's just sad.

Speaker 1: 19:26

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 19:27

I don't feel that way anymore because she has helped me able to love on myself. Not loving myself, for that matter, but loving myself, all of me, like all of my flaws, all of my dissonance, things about myself. Maybe I don't like, but you love all of it because it's a part of you.

Speaker 1: 19:48

And it's a balance. There's no. You can't say, oh, all the shadows are bad all the light is good. It's a balance. It keeps you in check and it keeps you also of things or somebody is odd or strange, like those are your spidey senses. It tells you like, wow, I'm getting triggered by this. Might be maybe something I still have to work on, or it might be that this person might not be a good person for me.

Speaker 2: 20:11

Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1: 20:12

But I love that. When you first started, was it? How was it like? What was the feeling? Were you like uneasy, or were you just I'm ready?

Speaker 2: 20:20

When I first started, I felt very defensive about things.

Speaker 1: 20:25

Yeah Guarded, you're guarded yeah.

Speaker 2: 20:28

But I was ready for therapy. I felt like I was in this place of I needed therapy. I feel like everybody needs therapy.

Speaker 1: 20:35

Yes.

Speaker 2: 20:36

To be honest.

Speaker 1: 20:37

Yes.

Speaker 2: 20:37

I feel like everybody needs the therapist. I always say that because therapy keeps you together and even if you're having a bad day, you can call your therapist, talk to them, release that offer to where you're not holding things. And, like I say, everybody needs therapists and for me, I promote therapy. Yeah, because I feel I'm different from where I started up to now, really different way, different, whole different. I love that.

Speaker 1: 21:10

But I also want to say I'm so proud of you for even stepping into that Because, like I said, there's half people are like, yeah, do it. Half people are like, oh, you're being weak and it's no, I need to see something that I'm not seeing. And they bring all that awareness to you and they make you look at it in a different step. And you're right without someone that's being heavily involved in your life, Because someone in your life could be saying the same things, but it's different because they're so emotionally attached to you.

Speaker 2: 21:35

You know what?

Speaker 1: 21:36

I mean, oh, my gosh, this is. Oh, I love this. And I just wanted to say thank you for coming on here and sharing your story and just being a light. And I want to say, if there was something that you could tell to your say, to your younger self, the one that was like at that lowest point, what is it that you would say?

Speaker 2: 21:58

That it's going to get better for you. God, got your back and don't allow people to distract you from your higher quality.

Speaker 1: 22:10

Oh my gosh. And if there's any piece of advice that you want to give to anybody who's thinking about going until the stylist route and doing that kind of thing, what is it that you would tell them?

Speaker 2: 22:24

I would say create your own lane for yourself. Don't try to fit in. Be you and everything will work.

Speaker 1: 22:34

Oh, I love that. Oh, this button.

Speaker 2: 22:38

Woohoo.

Speaker 1: 22:39

Sorry guys, my applause button is not working right now, so I will be the applause, but this has been an incredible time. I'm just so happy that I got to do this with you and. I got to put this out. We're going to put that out there, and I feel like we could have a couple more in us at some point.

Speaker 2: 22:56

And I definitely appreciate you for what it means to be a part of it and allow me to keep styling you and having you look nice, and this was a great experience and definitely look forward to doing more.

Speaker 1: 23:09

Yeah, no, I definitely look forward to working with you a lot more too, and if anybody is looking for a stylist out there, you want to spell it your Instagram.

Speaker 2: 23:19

But Instagram is styles by DQ.

Speaker 1: 23:22

Oh sorry, it's styles by DQ.

Speaker 2: 23:24

It's styles by DQ.

Speaker 1: 23:26

Yes, and then I will also include his handle in the summary of the podcast and stuff like that, so you guys have access to him. Thank you guys for listening. I cannot wait till next week's episode. Stay tuned, and you guys have an incredible day, and I hope that you take from this episode that you got this. You can do it. You just got to take that step forward and everything will make sense. Yeah, all right, love you guys, bye, bye, bye.