Imagine you're six months into a challenge, fully expecting to emerge victorious, but it doesn't quite unfold as you envisioned. That's exactly what happened to me, and I'm here to share my journey and the potent lessons it taught me about managing disappointment and using it as a powerful catalyst for growth. This episode is a heartfelt exploration of how to harness the power of disappointment, transforming it from a debilitating experience into a springboard for resilience and personal betterment.
Have you ever wondered how you can use disappointments to fuel your growth? Here, I share my story of a family trip that went astray, my struggle with expectations, and how I found strength in my loved ones during those tough times. We dive into the art of setting boundaries, managing expectations, and staying resilient even when everything seems to be going south. I impart key insights into reshaping our reactions to disappointment and shifting our mindset from the victim to the victor.
As we journey through this episode, we look at how to find opportunities amid disappointments. I delve into practical strategies for developing trusting relationships and managing expectations during challenging times. Remember, no setback is too big to overcome. With the right mindset, we can transform our disappointments into stepping stones towards our best selves. So, buckle up and get ready to convert your disappointments into victories, and remember, you're stronger than you think.
Imagine you're six months into a challenge, fully expecting to emerge victorious, but it doesn't quite unfold as you envisioned. That's exactly what happened to me, and I'm here to share my journey and the potent lessons it taught me about managing disappointment and using it as a powerful catalyst for growth. This episode is a heartfelt exploration of how to harness the power of disappointment, transforming it from a debilitating experience into a springboard for resilience and personal betterment.
Have you ever wondered how you can use disappointments to fuel your growth? Here, I share my story of a family trip that went astray, my struggle with expectations, and how I found strength in my loved ones during those tough times. We dive into the art of setting boundaries, managing expectations, and staying resilient even when everything seems to be going south. I impart key insights into reshaping our reactions to disappointment and shifting our mindset from the victim to the victor.
As we journey through this episode, we look at how to find opportunities amid disappointments. I delve into practical strategies for developing trusting relationships and managing expectations during challenging times. Remember, no setback is too big to overcome. With the right mindset, we can transform our disappointments into stepping stones towards our best selves. So, buckle up and get ready to convert your disappointments into victories, and remember, you're stronger than you think.
Welcome to the smart, wealthy stylist podcast. I'm your host, emily Cardin. Over here. We're dedicated to helping hairstylists manage their finances, stay organized, healthy and manage their time and mental well-being. We focus on staying healthy in all areas of life and maximizing productivity. If you're a hairstylist looking for these things, then this is the podcast for you. Together, we'll avoid burnout and step into being the smartest, wealthiest stylist that we can be.
Speaker 2:
Welcome back to the smart, wealthy stylist podcast. So today we are going to talk about dealing with disappointment. You know, part of life is dealing with disappointment and we can either embrace it or let it affect us negatively. Being disappointed in your spouse or colleague, or because a client left you, they all feel the same that looming negativity Through disappointment. We all have a choice. We can choose to either just give it into that and be sad, angry, depressed. You know just all those negative feelings that rise up inside of us whenever we're disappointed, and you can either wallow in that or you can choose to rise up above those feelings and let the disappointment make you better. But how can disappointment make us better? Well, I have a little story to share.
Speaker 2:
So over the last six months I have been doing a challenge. It was a $50,000 challenge and it was a lifestyle challenge. It's through the company that I work out with, called PowerFit. I was so confident that I was at least going to be in the top three because over the last six months I have radically changed everything that I do how I spend money, how I handle my mornings, how I work out, how I eat, how I basically how I do everything. Everything in my life has changed and it's been for the better. But when people want to talk about lifestyle changes, I have literally changed how I do everything. So this challenge was a lifestyle challenge. However, it also deals with, you know, working out, because it's through PowerFit, which is a workout company, like they want to see body changes. But it wasn't just body changes they were looking for. They were looking for true lifestyle change over a six month time span, and so when the results came out, I didn't even make top 25.
Speaker 2:
At first I was like you have got to be kidding me how Like I've literally changed everything that I am, like every aspect. And I was really sad and kind of crushed and my first reaction was I did all of this for nothing. And then immediately I felt a check in my spirit. Like hey, for nothing, look at what you've created, look at what you've done, look at your body, look how much stronger you are. And that's when it hit me like disappointment doesn't always have to be a bad thing and having that positive mindset and that victor over victim mindset, like we can either choose to be a victim or we can choose to be a victor and win over the challenge or the disappointment that we're facing. So I wanted to reassess like, what does that look like? Like, what is the best way to overcome this disappointment? What's going to fuel my betterment still while I'm on this journey, while I'm dealing with this disappointment? And I looked up the definition of a victor, and a victor is a person who defeats an enemy or an opponent in a battle, game or competition. So for me, I thought okay, so I want to defeat disappointment with grace and strength, and I want to figure out how disappointment can make me better. So I will remind myself that, no matter what has happened or what's about to happen, I will choose to look for the victory and the wins. In that situation, I can't let the negative feelings rise up when I'm thinking about what I'm going to accomplish.
Speaker 2:
So right after the Power Fit Challenge, I saw that they're doing another challenge. I mean right back on, back, like they announced it on Sunday, and the new six week challenge starts Sunday and I thought should I skip this one out or should I, you know, just go ahead and take it on? So I thought you know what? It's only a $25 investment. I'm going to make this competition my battle cry. If you will like I am going to choose to get up out of that disappointment and be a victor over this and go. Okay, I know how I failed the first time and I'm going to shift this so.
Speaker 2:
And that brought me back to another point. You know, all of this wasn't for nothing, because had this been six months ago, before all of this self education, self exploration, you know, finding out who I am to the core and finding out what I'm capable of through exercise and mental health and self education, like I wouldn't have been here. That's a victory in itself, like finding the silver lining in your failures. But I know that even if the disappointment isn't in yourself, if you're finding disappointment in other people, like maybe you've been cheated on by a spouse, or maybe you know a coworker through you under the bus, or you know a child did something you specifically asked them not to do most of the time, there is a point in time where you can shift your perspective to say, okay, what did I learn from this situation? You know how can we bring this back to where you have a victor mindset, because some of these things are really ugly and awful and hard to face, like mine's a walk in the park, compared to what some of my friends and family members and clients are going through. So how do we shift into a victor mindset when you're literally dealing with an affair? You know it is possible.
Speaker 2:
But back to what I was saying a minute ago. You know I am using this six week challenge as an opportunity to see the silver lining. No, I didn't win the big challenge. This six week challenge is a thousand dollar payout Not $40,000, but that would still be helpful towards my goal of getting out of debt and I thought okay, here's my opportunity. I'm gonna work harder and I am going to be extra diligent in my food. I'm going to work out five days a week. I'm going to do everything in my power to become the best I can be in the six weeks and I even chose a workout that I don't love but I know it's going to really challenge me.
Speaker 2:
Through PowerFit, they have like tons of different workout programs. Each one has a beginner, intermediate and advanced level and then they have at home or at gym workouts. Well, I pretty much only workout at home. So I'm doing the bikini body at home intermediate. So I'm really pushing myself. I'm not just doing the beginner one Like I'm going to make this difficult for myself, but something that I can accomplish. And then I'm going to really cut down and do like a macro deficit you know, like really or not macro deficit, a caloric deficit and really bring my calories down and see how much of a cut I can do in the six weeks, because for six months I have been building muscle and building my form and really making my body stronger, so I'm ready to uncover all those muscles that I've been building all this time.
Speaker 2:
So you know, I could have said screw it, I didn't win, I am over this like where's the ice cream. But I chose, instead of in that moment of disappointment, I allowed myself to feel it for a minute and then I was like okay, yes, I'm sad, yes I'm disappointed, but the cool thing is that I'm not just. The cool thing is that two girls on my small group team, like my coach, madeline, made top 25. And then another girl in our small group got third place. So I was able to celebrate with them and, you know, just really build them up and show them like wow. You know I'm sad that I didn't get it, but oh my gosh, like this is amazing for you. I'm so happy for you and I genuinely was. I know how hard that they worked alongside me too, you know. So that was a nice thing too to see. Like, okay, I didn't get it, but two people that I know did place and one got third place, and like this is seriously amazing stuff. So I'm just using this as an opportunity for my victory cry. You know, like, and even if I don't win this challenge, I am okay with that, because I know at the end of the six weeks I'm going to be better in myself than I was today.
Speaker 2:
So choosing that victory over victim mentality can help you get through those disappointments, especially if it's self disappointment, because you're the only person that can change that. So, going back to what I touched on a little bit earlier, what if it's a coworker or your spouse? Or what if your favorite frame art foil design is getting discontinued? What if your favorite TV show is in its last season? What if there's literally nothing you can do about the other person's actions or something that is occurring in the world? Or you know cause even all this crazy stuff in the world, like apparently there's aliens now, you know. So what then? How do we handle disappointment whenever it is completely out of our control and it has nothing to do with us.
Speaker 2:
The very first thing is to allow yourself to feel those feelings. Like I said when I was going through my own disappointment thing this last week, just saying oh that sucks, I'm sad about this, or I'm mad about this, or you know, allow yourself to feel those feelings at first being rejected, let down, betrayed. You know it can cause sadness, anxiety, anger. You know, whatever those feelings are, don't just shove them back down. Humans are wired to form trusting, stable relationships with others and to turn to people we love for support. I mean, look back to our ancestors. You know they lived in tribes and I mean it was literally that saying it takes a village. It really does. I mean, having those core people in your life is very important and then when one of those people let you down or disappoint you, it can be very, very painful.
Speaker 2:
And while you're feeling those feelings, kind of look back and think okay, because sometimes I know I have reacted out of a place of disappointment very strongly because of something in my past that has nothing to do with this person, like I can't even think of an example, but your past will fuel your reactions a lot of times, and so sometimes just stepping back and going, okay, why am I reacting so strongly to this and how can I adjust this, you know, but still allowing yourself to feel those feelings and doing some self reflection and understanding why you're feeling, the way that you're feeling, is important. But then, after you felt that, acknowledge your unmet needs. So once you can kind of step back and say, okay, why am I feeling this way, you will be able to pinpoint why you're feeling that way. What is the need that is triggering that reaction? So maybe you and your husband had scheduled a date night and you were so excited.
Speaker 2:
And then you know, a kid got sick, or or your mother-in-law that was supposed to watch your children canceled last minute. Is it, are you upset about the dis, about the date night, and you're disappointed about the date night because you just really craved that one on one time with your spouse? Or was it because you needed a minute away from your child? Or was it because you thought that your mother-in-law was finally going to come through and she didn't? Looking at all of those feelings and going, okay, this is why I'm upset. And then you know, noting that and saying to yourself okay, it's because my mother-in-law can't be. You know, I just can't trust her. Every single time we make plans, she never comes through.
Speaker 2:
Once you figure out what that need is, then you can say okay, is this something I can work through myself or is this something that there needs to be action taken? Is this something that you need to confront your mother-in-law about or is this something that you can just say okay, we know that she can't be trusted. We're going to have to find a different caretaker for our children. If we want to do a date night, and, instead of getting so upset and wanting to go bust her door down, say, okay, I understand that this is a reoccurring thing. This is something we are going to have to adjust. And rising up above that disappointment and becoming a victor you know that victor mindset bring it back around and say okay, well, we both have the night off, we're going to have our kids, let's make it a family fun night, or you know whatever.
Speaker 2:
So, by taking that negative situation and turning it around for a positive and turn it into something exciting, you know, change that disappointment mindset, instead of sitting there on your phones all night being pissy at your mother-in-law, change it around, make it a positive thing. Now I understand that if you're dealing with a spouse cheating or you know someone committing suicide or I mean there are some very serious things that a lot of my people in my circle are going through. That does change the aspect of this. But I have seen people who I love dearly go through an affair and they have literally found the positive. They under they have broken it down, understood why the person had the affair, how what they needed to change in their marriage, how to rise above this and, as a couple, have turned to a Victor mindset and have saved their marriage and have a better marriage than 95% of people in the world. I would say All things can be used for good, as long as you can turn that around and find the positive in it, find a way to rise up above the disappointment. It hurts and it stings and it's ugly and awful, but you can always find a positive side.
Speaker 2:
I've seen so many of my loved ones lay and wallow in the disappointment of their lives, of their decisions, and all they do is continue to self-destruct and make their lives worse for themselves and worse for their children. And if they could simply turn their shift their mindset to a victor mindset and say, okay, yes, this sucks, but this is what we can do about it. Their lives would be so much richer and fuller, they would be so much happier, they could make huge changes and impacts in their lives. But they choose not to. They choose to be the victim victim of their own circumstances or a victim of something that has been done to them. They just choose to lay down in that.
Speaker 2:
And I just wanna encourage you guys today to shift from that victim mentality and shift into the victor mentality and realize that you are an overcomer and you can get through this hard season and come out on the other side a winner, because I believe in you, I believe in myself. I'm, you know, through this next six week challenge, I'm going to prove to myself that I can do this, like I can do really hard things. I already know that I can do that, but I want to sift and shift and refine my journey and make myself even better, like I wanna be continually leveling up. There is times of rest and times of relaxation, and I'm not saying it's like a constant grind, but I want to continue to level up, even in seasons of rest, if that makes sense. So another point to how to overcome this disappointment and your life is to take care of yourself.
Speaker 2:
Where are your unmet needs? You know when you're disappointed because your kids don't help you clean the house, like, okay, do you need to make them clean the house? Make there be repercussions for not cleaning the house? Is this something that possibly you could hire a housekeeper? Or ask your spouse to help pick up the slack? Or figuring out what your unmet needs are and why you're so disappointed about what you're feeling. Maybe your spouse never helps you clean the house and you just are really disappointed by that. Like why won't he help me, you know? Or why won't she help me? Like just figuring out what is the root cause of your disappointment and what's the fix for that. So if you need help cleaning the house and people are constantly disappointing you, hire it out. Get someone to help you. It's not the end of the world and if you don't have money for it, cut your budget somewhere else. Figure out what's most important to you, shift your life into what you need and get your needs met.
Speaker 2:
The next one is examine your expectations. I am one of those people that I visualize how I think things are gonna go and if they don't go that way, I'm very disappointed. There are so many times my husband jokes about it, actually, because he's always like you build it up in your head before we go do whatever, and then you're super disappointed because it's not what you thought it was gonna be, and that is so true. There has been so many times in my life that I build something up in my mind, thinking about you know, visualizing how it's going to be, how the situation's gonna unfold, you know, and it falls way short and then I'm just really disappointed. So what I do now is I set my expectations super low, which I know that this sounds like I'm not saying that I expect people to do their best. I'm not saying like set your expectations low and then you'll be satisfied, like I set my expectations super high in my personal self development relationships, like all the things I said I'm super high, but I'm talking about like date night, or we actually just took a trip to Chicago. Let me just tell you guys about this trip. You guys are gonna die.
Speaker 2:
So we were going to Chicago. Adam found a investment opportunity and you know, for me, I am all about that debt payoff right now and the idea of purchasing something is totally going against like everything that I'm wanting to do at the moment. But my husband I also want to support my husband. He works hard for the money he has and I wanna be supportive. So, anyway, he found this investment opportunity and in Chicago. It's a car, it's an investment opportunity of a car and he's like why don't we go pick this up? You know we'll drive it back, we can take the boys with us and have a great little family vacation. And I'm like perfect, we'll fly into Chicago, you know, take a rental car to this auto museum, pick up the car and come home. Perfect, this sounds great. So I just like this is on a Wednesday and we're planning on leaving Friday night, spending the night at a hotel, leaving out early Saturday morning, flying to Chicago, getting there around like seven, getting in the car or, you know, going, getting the car and then driving home on Sunday. So we're like, yeah, this will be like a fun little crazy weekend travel with the kids.
Speaker 2:
You know, we get to the airport Saturday morning, we drop, we spend the night in Springfield Friday night and we get to the airport Saturday morning and we get up to get our boarding passes. And I realized your girl bought tickets for August, not July, so there was no flights for our family of four to get on a plane to go to Chicago. And so I checked all around Springfield Airport at the other airlines and nobody had tickets. So then we drove to Northwest Arkansas, to XNA, because I found flights out of there, and we hopped a plane there and on the way there I was changing all of our reservations, you know, because we were gonna be getting in much later. So we flew in to O'Hare and once we get there we're standing in line for like an hour and 45 minutes trying to get our rental car because they couldn't find our reservation, because I had called and changed all the reservations online or over the phone and luckily I wrote down my confirmation number.
Speaker 2:
But, mind you, this whole time before we left I got really bad poison IV and it got infected. So I was on antibiotics, so I had like the worst diarrhea of my life. So while we're driving to, you know, springfield, northwest Arkansas, in the airport, I'm having to run to the bathroom, like very frequently, and on the flight to Chicago I bled through my pants on the plane and then I had to stand in those pants for an hour and 45 minutes in the rental car line. We finally got our rental car, ran to the hotel room, obviously to change my pants, and then we drive to the auto museum and we look at the car it's perfect, beautiful, adam drives it. It's everything that he's ever been dreaming of. You know, is everything they say it's going to be.
Speaker 2:
And before we left, you know, we obviously wanted to make sure that financing was set up, everything was done so we could drive the car home. And he told the guy we are planning on driving this car home on Saturday. We have a one-way ticket, we're flying in, driving the car home. He's like no problem. You know Adam was asking about financing and he said, yeah, we have a guy. And Adam's like okay, perfect, so we get there. And obviously we got in later, much later than we were supposed to get in, at like seven, and we got in at like one. And then by the time we got there it was after two. And he's like okay, so like let's get this done. And he's like, oh well, the credit unions right down the street, but they closed at one so they didn't have in-house financing. And the guy that he had was at the credit union and it was closed. So then we didn't have a way to get home. So then I had to call the rental car company and try to find a car to get home. They won't let you because you have to return the cars back to O'Hare Airport, and so then we just had to figure it out. So we ended up buying same day tickets to get back home.
Speaker 2:
So this trip basically what we spent on this trip we could have had probably a four day all-inclusive with our family of five to like a beach place, you know. So I was absolutely sick to my stomach because I'm like, oh well, that could have paid off half of this, or that could have done this, or I could have gotten a carpet, or I could have invested that in the business, or blah, blah, blah, you know. But instead of getting disappointed, I tried to shift my mindset because the boys got to ride an airplane twice. They were absolutely amazing travelers, you know, even though everything totally sucked. The auto museum was really cool, the food was good, the boys were amazing. I was so proud of them for being such awesome travelers Like I could travel international with them, boys, and they would be just fine. So that's also nice, knowing that they are really fabulous travelers.
Speaker 2:
But you know, I had built up in my mind this expectation of how perfect this trip was gonna go. Everything was just gonna be, you know, awesome. Everything was gonna go smooth, which I mean our flights ran on time and we didn't get stranded on an airport. So you know there's that. But I always build up these situations in my mind thinking, you know, these are, this is gonna go this way and it's gonna be perfect and it's gonna blow me out of the water. My expectations are gonna be met and da, da, da, da. And then, when they don't, I get really disappointed.
Speaker 2:
So, examining your expectations of a person, of the situation, of whatever you're dealing with, I'm not saying set your expectations low, but don't be unrealistic and maybe just don't set expectations. I'm not sure what the answer is there, but I know for me, what I have started doing is trying not to shoot expectations over the top. Now, when it comes to my business and and I'm not saying don't believe in the best, because you know I believe in speaking positively over situations and I do expect the best and I always tell myself like my business is going to flourish and I am going to be able to pay off all this debt in a year. I'm going to be able to be totally debt-free in five years, including our home. Like I speak positivity over situations, I believe that we are going to make strides and do important, powerful things. But when it comes to like date night and little things like that, I'm just going okay, I'm not setting expectations, I'm just going to go with the flow. That way, no matter what happens, it's all good. I'm not going to be disappointed because I didn't set expectations.
Speaker 2:
So, by examining your expectations can kind of help, because you might want to adjust your expectations and behavior accordingly. Thinking whether you know, are you communicating your expectations clearly and kindly? You know, is this a good friend or a loved one? Or, you know, try to assume goodwill unless there is clear evidence otherwise. However, these people are treating you. You know they may not even know your expectations of them. Are you communicating that with them? Are you telling them like hey, I really need you to be there for me as a friend, like I need to see you at least like once a month? I really am. I'm sad that we don't get to connect or, you know, with your husband and date night. Maybe you need a date night every other week, you know. Just say I need that time to connect with you, like I have to have this. This is my expectation, because they may not even be aware, they may be blissfully unaware. You know that they think that they're doing exactly what they should be doing. They have no clue that you're unhappy.
Speaker 2:
So, communicating your expectations, examining your expectations and meeting somewhere in the middle and then the last one I'm all about this set boundaries. Set those boundaries if you need to. You know, if this person has a pattern of disappointing you or betraying you, think about what you need to do to protect yourself. If you've spoken up clearly to the person and they still don't wanna take responsibility or change their behavior, how can you take care of yourself in that situation? Does it make sense to see this person less often or do you wanna, like keep the relationship more casual? Like decide if this is someone that you still want in your life, or is it better if you cut ties? You may wanna let the person know that you won't tolerate the repeated broken promises, lies, disrespectful treatment, whatever it is Like. Let them know what the consequences will be if they continue to do you this way.
Speaker 2:
Boundaries can make you feel emotionally safe and they also can help you restore, like yourself, worth and self-respect. And you know, when you set those boundaries and let the other people be aware of them, that is freedom. There's freedom in boundaries. And sometimes boundaries are absolutely necessary, necessary to be set, because if you don't set boundaries, those people will just keep coming negatively towards you and they're never.
Speaker 2:
If that type of person is so broken that they can't give you what you need, it's not your responsibility to fix them and it's not your responsibility to take on their emotions or their feelings or their problems. Sometimes it's best to set a boundary and just step away from that situation. Disappointment can be hard and life is hard, but there is some amazing opportunities to shift your mindset and see the positive side of things. And you know, I hope that you have taken something from this episode that will help you shift into that victor mindset and shift into a victorious way of thinking and help you shift into your best self. It's always a joy doing these podcasts and I just really love sharing my point of view with you, and it means a lot to me that you guys take your time out of your day to listen to my podcast, so I hope you guys have an awesome day and I will catch you on the next one.
Speaker 1:
Thank you for listening in today. If you have a burning question or a topic you want me to cover, leave a review and ask the question in the review. This is the best way to get your questions answered. Just remember you are a smart, wealthy stylist and you are capable of anything you set your mind to. I'll catch you later, don't be a stranger.