My Testimony | Let God Lead Your Life

This episode in an interview episode from N. Janine Gates on the Your Life, Your Rules Podcast. We go deep in this episode of my journey to my faith and letting God lead your life, even when it's scary.

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Transcript

Yeti Nano-1: 1:02

We'll come back for another episode. I'm so glad that you guys are here today. We're going to be doing something a little bit different. So this is an episode that I was a guest on. This is my friend Janine gates, who I strictly only met over the internet, but she's such a blessing of a person. And I'm so glad that I got to meet her. I actually interviewed her on my podcast in season one. So this is her interviewing me. And in this episode, I get to share my testimony. And how I came back to my faith. So I thought this would be a great way to share this story with you guys. And I have to preface this by saying there are some details in this episode that haven't came to fruition just yet. But I'm still praying for them that they are going to come true one day, but you guys will know what I'm talking about when we get to that part of the episode. And yeah, go check out Janine on Instagram. She is such an amazing person and holds herself with so much confidence and definitely inspires me. So I hope you enjoy today's episode and lunch. Jump right into it. I am super excited for our guest today. I had the privilege of meeting Sam several weeks ago as I was interviewed on her podcast. And that conversation let me know that Sam needed to be here. And part of the reason why I wanted Sam to come here is because Sam is re entering her faith journey, or I shouldn't say she is, she has, like it's a thing that already has happened. And I just love the questions she asked me and how we got to know each other. I was like, you got to be on my podcast. Like. It's a must. When can you do it? Let's do it. And so today Sam is here. I will not talk too much about her because I want her to share her stories, but I just love how she is hearing God's voice and being obedient to that and really stepping into the unknown. I think that's faith. Step into the unknown. And you know, the more you show up in your faith, the more you start hearing things and seeing the clarity of who you are called to be. So I am super excited that Sam is here and I cannot wait for you to get to know Sam. Welcome, Sam. How are you? Hi, Janine. Thank you so much. I'm so excited to be here. It's so nice to be on the opposite end where I'm usually the one recording and interviewing you guys. So it's really nice to be on the receiving end for a chance. Yes. I, because when I had met you, I told you, I listened to some of your episodes and you know, you do do some interviews and it's like, we got to get to know Sam. I actually had my boyfriend interview me because no one was interviewing me yet. So I was like, you know what, I want my audience to get to know me. So I had him saddle up and do it for me. That's actually the first episode I listened to. And what I loved about that episode, especially when I think about. Women of faith in dating, right? That was such a sacred and very beautiful episode because it's a reminder, which I've been talking about for years, that women are very powerful. And we're very persuasive. I remember your boyfriend is his name, Nick, or did I make that up? Yes. Oh, look at this memory. Come on, Janine. Nick said, I saw the back of your head. And I knew that I needed to meet you. And it's just like when somebody wants something, they will go after it. So I really love that. Like that was the first episode I listened to, but I want to back up and talk about your faith growing up and what did that look like as a child for you? Absolutely. And before I even get into that, I can explain all of this too. Like I can start from my childhood, kind of talk about my professionalism with my faith. And then I can talk for your listeners that are, you know, looking for a faith based relationship and a man that loves God. Kind of what that looked like for me and how I found my boyfriend. So we can talk about that later, but to give you a background of who I am. So my name is Samantha DeSalvo and I am into. I own my own digital marketing business. So that's kind of my professional background, but my faith based background, I grew up Catholic and growing up Catholic, I. Kind of went through the motions. It was one of those things and I didn't really have a relationship with God. I didn't even know, like, that was a thing, to be honest with you. I was just kind of going through the motions and doing what I was supposed to do, and I was baptized. I got my first communion. Actually I did my first communion at a little bit older of an age, so I was probably around 10 because it was a decision that I wanted to do for myself. I guess I've always had an interest in faith and I've been always curious and I props to my mom and to my godmother for leading me in this journey, but they also let it be a personal thing for me. So they never ever forced me to do anything. So when I was like 10 years old, I was like, I want to make my first communion, whatever. I was like, okay. So I literally had to go get like a special dress made because they didn't make dresses for 10 year olds for the first communion. So I did that. And then I was confirmed when you're 16 years old. And again, that was my own decision. But I do remember on the day that I was confirmed, I had so much anxiety that day. Like, I feel like that was the first time I ever experienced anxiety in my life. And I just felt as if, you know, it was my decision, but I just don't feel as if it was the right decision for me. Looking back now, I understand why the Holy Spirit was like kind of pulling me away from that. But I was like, no. I went to church mandatory for all these months. I said, I am going to do this. I'm going to get through today, whatever. So then I was confirmed. And then after that point, I fell off. I didn't go to church anymore. I was living life my own way after I was confirmed. So at 17 years old to 22, I was kind of away from the Lord. I was doing my own thing, obviously still believed, but I had no, no structure at all. So at that point, I. Well, for those years, I would say I was experiencing life. I was never into that crazy partying lifestyle. So I never went down too many dark roads. I went down some roads with relationships and things that I probably shouldn't have been doing there that weren't benefiting me in any way. But of course, you know, the spirit always knows how to pull you back in. So my relationship, my past relationship had gotten pretty bad. Like it was just not a good place for me mentally. And I. Was getting worse mentally too. So I would wake up in the morning and So loud I would hear the Holy Spirit just saying like go back to church go back to church And I have to say I want because I want your listeners if they're new to their faith If I didn't know that was the Holy Spirit talking to me at first So we speak like this now because you know, we're saved and we believe in all this But at first I was like, whoa, like what is this like voice? it was kind of just like a nagging voice in my head and I was like All right. Shut up. Like it literally was so annoying and it got, it got louder and louder. And so eventually I was like, all right, I got it. And I, I found a church online that looked young. I knew it was a young church too, from what I've heard about it. And I was like, okay, I'm going to go try this church. So, I feel like I'm rambling right now, but that's kind of my story of, like, how I got back into church after I fell out for a little while. And I went by myself. I made it a personal journey. So, I didn't tell anybody for the first, like, four or five times. Like, I wanted to make sure this was something I was going to continue on doing. And... No one was going to like be able to say like, why are you doing that? That place is a cult. That's this. That's that. I was like, no, I want this to be something that I do for myself. And I will tell you like, Oh, I've been going to the church for a month now. So it seems more credible. People are like, Oh damn, she's into it. And that's kind of where I'm at now. And I have grown so much since then to now know, looking back. That was the Holy Spirit talking to me, pushing me into the direction that I was supposed to be going in into this life, pushing me into the life of like ministry and leading woman to like, I can see now the picture, like he's, he was painting for me. But like I said, for a woman that aren't quite there yet, like just, just follow your gut. If anything, follow your gut and follow that nagging voice in your head and you'll, you'll one day learn like what that was all about. Yes. You said a few things that I absolutely love. I love that your mother and godmother allowed your relationship with God to be very personal. And for you to make decisions, because oftentimes, like when I was growing up, that wasn't, I had some freedom within that, but I was required to go to church every Sunday, like required. Even though my biological mother was not going to church with me. Kind of interesting. However, I was required and I loved it. It was a safe place for me. Going to church was a safe place because my biological mother was very unhealthy. What I also love is that you talked about the nagging voice of God. That voice. Oh my God. How many times I've heard God nag. And so I want to talk more about. How did you know, because you said looking back, you knew that was God, but how, because some people are struggling with hearing God's voice and want to know, how do we hear it? So how did you know after following the call to go to church that it was truly God? Yeah, that's a such a great question, Janine, because I feel like I hear that a lot too. Like, how do you hear God? Or even sometimes I question, I'm like, what are the ways that I hear God? But for me, Like I said, it was just like literally a nagging voice that wasn't my own. So keeping that in mind, that it's a voice that is not from you, cause you do have your own thoughts and then you have the Holy Spirit's thoughts. And I knew that one wasn't mine. Like, that one didn't belong to me. I was like, whoa, like, who is that? So, I think being conscious to that and then also how I knew looking back was... How my life has kind of panned out since then just makes so much sense. Like now I just feel like I was supposed to be here. Like some things have just happened at the right, right place, right time, right moment that if I didn't make that initial leap, then that those things would have never panned out for me. So I think that's a really big thing. That's how I know it was God now like confirmed. And yeah, my life just has a lot of peace to it too. And that's kind of also how I know. Yeah. I saying, I think sometimes. The voice becomes nagging because we don't listen. Let's just be real. And it becomes nagging to confirm that this is actually me, AKA God talking to you. Cause I remember when God wanted me to go to seminary. I had known a year before I applied and I just, I kind of just knew something was there, but I didn't really like. Yes, God, tell me more. I was not open. And then every Sunday I was on my way to a church that I was visiting that was not my home church in my home city. And I just started hearing God continually telling me apply to seminary, apply to seminary, apply to seminary. And like you say, it got nagging and I was getting irritated. I ain't gonna lie. I was like, God, shut up. I got you. I got you. No, don't tell me again. And I applied and was like, you were supposed to do this a year ago. But it was just so nagging that I did. And like you said, it's, it's usually not your thoughts. Sometimes it's not what you want to do. Like I didn't exactly. Yeah, exactly. Right. Right. Tell me more. Cause you said exactly. So what is it that God called you to that? You didn't necessarily want to do. Well, it's, it was just one of those things that I was not in church at all. My mind hadn't even been on the Lord. Like, I wasn't even thinking about going to church. Like, it wasn't those, one of those thoughts that you're like, oh, I can see how this one intersected that one. Like, this one did not belong to me at all because I was so infatuated on, Controlling my own life. I was like, I got this. Like, I don't need anyone else's help. And that's kind of where I was at. So for the Lord to step in, just show us how much he loves me or loves us. And he's going to step in and say like, girlfriend, no, you're going way off track. Like, come on, let's get back this way. And like, you're going to ruin your life if you don't do this. So I'm going to put this voice in your head and. Get louder and louder until you listen. And I feel as if, you know, we've talked about this on the podcast, you were on with me, but the more you listen to God, the clearer his voice comes to you. So you obey once, that voice will continue to be clear. So there's been, I feel like that was the first time I really did obey God and what he wanted for my life. That wasn't what I wanted for my life. And since then, I feel like I have. I've heard other things from him now. And so now I'm able to say like, okay, that's God. Like, that's not me. That's God. And that has, that helps me come from, because if it's God, then I'm doing it because who wants to fight with the Lord? You're not going to win that battle. I love that. I want to talk about your time without God and like, how is life when you're not necessarily actively getting personal with God? Yeah, it's funny because those years of my life now, I kind of feel like they're blurry. They're like kind of fuzzy and I'm like, hmm, is that on purpose? Like, is that purposeful? I don't know, but I was in college for those years and I would just say Confusion. That's the one word that comes to my mind is confusion. So from my career to my relationships just to life in general I was picking so many different paths trying them for a couple months and being like no this isn't working on to the next thing, same with relationships. I was up and down in and out. Like there was no stability to my life. So I feel now that I have a firm foundation. I know it's so cliche in the Christian world, but I have a firm foundation. So I'm not shaken either way. Like I, I have an idea of where I'm going. Of course, God can change it at any moment. And I'm well aware to that, but I have a better sense of self and what I'm. Here for what's my purpose in this life. Like those kinds of things are just so much more clear to me. So it's a lot easier for me to make wise decisions. And what I love about your journey is that it was very personal from the jump and it was even more personal and sacred when you returned to church, because you ensured that you went alone and you did it for several weeks. And even though you were saying. You did it for credibility. And what I saw is you did it to ensure that that voice you heard was what you heard and that this was a relationship that you wanted based on your needs in that season of your life. And I think that's very important. And hearing you talk made me think of my move to Dallas. I have been a Christian all my life. And that varies. What does that mean? Because I think we, a lot of us say we're Christians, but Like, what does that mean? You know? And so for me, I'd always believed, even though I had moments of like doubt and questioning, I think that's very normal, no matter where you are in your journey with Christianity and having a personal relationship with God. I don't think I had a solid foundation like I do now until I moved to Dallas. And the reason for that is because I moved to Dallas alone. I moved knowing I was called, and I will say that I also moved, I think, a little prematurely, maybe, maybe not. However, it I had to get very personal with God and really depend on God in this unknown territory and be like, God, show me the way, talk to me, talk to me, because in all honesty, I was losing myself, losing my faith. And then God just kept showing up. And like you said, when you do one thing, other things start to come to fruition. And so now that you've been in church, when did you start going back to church? I would say this November makes two years. Wow. Wow. Congratulations on your year church anniversary. And since you've returned to church and developing this very personal relationship with God, what have you noticed in these almost two years? Yeah, that's a great question. I would say, I know now, well, I actually have to say, I have had a lot of healing with. my earthly father wounds, my daddy issues. I've noticed that so God has kind of filled some of those voids that I didn't even know I was facing. So with a mix of therapy and those things coming to the surface, and then With the Lord's healing. I have been redeemed from a lot of those things that I didn't even know I was dealing with. So it's definitely been a huge journey on that path. So healing from just childhood stuff and even past like relationship stuff, like just, just wounds that have hurt me over time. I I've had a lot of healing in the past year. I feel like that's. You know, the season of my life right now, it's like a healing season. And then I know I'm going to be stepping into a new chapter soon. So I'm excited for that. I'm excited to see what God has in store. But I think this past year, he's just been doing a lot of, you know, pruning and weeding of my soul and my spirit to get me ready for who the part, the person he designed me to be from the get go was. Oh my, you, that last point, who I was supposed to be from the get go, love it. You are so certain. that there is a new beginning. How do you know that? God has spoken to me about it. I, oh, I've been in the season. I'm in my life for a while now. So I am naturally getting over it too. Like I still live at home. I am in a, I'm in a career now, but I think there's more opportunities for me out there. And. I live in a very small town as well. I live in like a, my town has like 13, 000 people in it total. My graduating class was a little bit over, I think 200. So very small town vibes here. And I have had this burning desire. I'm like, I need to get out of here. I need to try something new. I don't care if I settled down here in the future, I got to try something new. So I feel as if God has called me for a new location. And also just new opportunities on the horizon in the future that are going to be able to open up new doors for me. I'll be able to move out of my parents house. I'll be able to, you know, get, get started with my life. And I'm very excited for that. You know what I want people to understand on this conversation, because I can hear like voices of I don't understand. I just don't get it. She said she has a new beginning, but she's just like God told me and what I will say, because I've had experiences like that, like God is doing something new in my life. I've said to people like, how do you know? I just feel it. And it's something in your spirit. And the reason why oftentimes we know this is because we did steps one, two, and three. We get close to God or doing what God tells us to do that we see, we feel a shift in ourselves. Yeah. There's a, like, I would say confidence or some worth. We know that we're worthy or we just, we just know that there's more. And so can you tussle with that a little bit for me, just so our audience know that it's not always that we have this clarity. It's just, you know, when you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. First of all, I feel those people, I, cause I have to be honest, I don't like the cliche Christian. I don't like when they use all these buzzwords that I've been using, so I feel like I'm fitting into that category right now of people that I'm just like, oh, okay, girl, like, shush. So. I, I feel you. I feel you. And then the second thing, how do you like, you know, and I'm like, what does that mean? You were called to a season or, you know, you're stepping into it. Great question. I think first of all, you'll know when you're there because I never liked that person that said that either. And now on that person. And then to, like you said, Janine, it is a shift in your spirit. It's a level of maturity. It's a level of confidence in yourself. It is. You feeling it as if the world is open to you instead of being like closed off to what's happening around you. Like you just have this sense of things are going to be okay. Optimism. And I think those are all things that we feel in our soul, our spirit, our mind. And, and those things do come from the Lord. And then of course you still put in the work to get there. Oh my gosh. I so wish that I did video for my podcast because I wish people can just see how excited I was for your answer and how much I get it. And what you just described is going from a faith of a mustard seed where you're, you're kind of, I don't know if anyone knows what a mustard seed look like. And I always try to show people, but it's like a little dot. It's very small. Like a sesame seed. We know what a sesame seed looks like. And the mustard seed is smaller than a sesame seed. But what you're talking about is having this mustard seed faith where you're, you're trying to test it out. You're trying to get personal. You're trying to understand it to you taking one baby step after another. And that faith is growing and growing and growing and it's so big. It's so huge. And you get into your word and you start hearing God that you just know. Because you're called everything's going to work out. You don't even have to see it. You just know it. And like you're saying right now, you have some answer about like, it's a new place, but you don't know what God is taking you to this place, but you believe that it's going to work out because you've been called. Am I correct? How do you feel knowing that? How do I feel? Yeah. Oh, I have a lot of emotions because I have a feeling this place, okay, so I'll just, I'll say it because people are like, Sam, girl, get to the point here. So I feel as if I've been called to Florida and I have a lot of emotions with that because first of all, that I feel like has been on my mind for a while. That has been on my mind since college. So when I was in my freshman year of college, I actually, like, just felt this, like, Oh, Florida? Okay, so back then I wasn't saved, didn't know that was God speaking. Flash forward now, I kind of see where it lines, lines up, because I applied to the University of Central Florida. I was going to move there, try college there, but I didn't end up following through. Like, I got in. It's like a community college down there, anyone will get in. So. I got in the whole night, I was like, mm, not the right time, I guess. And there was nothing holding me back then, so I also don't know why, but God. So, flash forward to now, this ruminating thought of just Florida, Florida, Florida, and it's one of those nagging things, again, that won't get out of my head. And the reason that I feel Different about it is because I'm not really one for the heat. I'm like, I love new England. I love the mountains and I love the fall. I love foliage. Like I love like being an adventurous person, Florida. I don't like the heat. I have a black lab who loves to swim. He can't swim in lakes when he gets there. And. Like the change of the seasons doesn't happen there. So there's a lot of emotions there and I'm like, okay. And I'm also a big family person. So moving that many miles away from my family definitely stresses me out a lot. So even though I've been talking about all this optimistic, yeah, the life's happening for me. There's also negative emotions that come with it, and I'm like, okay, God, like, this is what you want. Like, like you said, Janine, like, I don't know what's gonna happen once I get there. I don't know the plans the Lord has in store for me, the people I'm gonna meet, the impact I'll have on people's lives. I don't know all that yet, and he hasn't spoken that to me because that's not really how it works. I have to just take that leap of faith, and then once I get there, I figure the rest out. So, Still praying on the floor to think, cause I'm just like, okay, can I have a little more confirmation? Is that really what you want from me? Because like I said, there are some negatives there and, but on the opposite side, I am very optimistic for, like I say, what God has in store for me and what life could look like. Okay. You know that you've been called to live in Florida and I love that even though it's a mixed bag of emotions for so many reasons that you listed, oftentimes when we don't want to do something, we will ask God to confirm. So I just want listeners to know, like, even though she is so aware and know that she's called to Florida, it has mixed emotions and she's like, God, are you serious? Are you sure? And that was how it was for me. When it was time for me to move, I knew in 2020, I wanted to move out of Oregon. Like I just knew that I was, I wanted to try something else. And I believed it was Atlanta. Not that I felt called to Atlanta. I just knew that it was Atlanta because I went to undergrad there. And I remember telling my friend, I'm moving to Dallas. And I was like, I don't know where that came from. That's a lie. And the reason for that mostly was the politics of Texas. And how I had always just not heard very kind things about living in Texas and being a person living there and the weather never really, like, that wasn't big for me, like, except for it's hot. It's 100 degrees for multiple days. And that is very new to me, but your body adjusts, they tell you. And so I remember. Walking my dog. Now, I remember before that I said, God, that rolled off my tongue a little too easily. Is there something there? And I was walking my dog and God said, You're moving to Dallas. And I was like, I don't really want to. A moment of transparency and full honesty. I visited Dallas in August of 2021. No, 2022. Sorry, last year. And I went to self sabotage. I went to tell myself that I wasn't going to like it and I'm not moving here. Baby, y'all stop playing with God. If God called you, go. Like, why are we sitting here playing games? And I was, like, I didn't want to move to Dallas. And I think in theory, I wanted to move, but in practice, I really maybe hesitating on that. Like you said, mix emotions, because I am a mama's girl. Through and through. And I love hanging out with my niblings, like being with my family. So it was really hard. And I'm also very safe. I do, I'm not, I don't take risk. I am like calculated. Am I going to be like successful? I'm going to be okay. And I am so thankful that I did move to a place like Dallas and I love living in Dallas. But, but what I want to talk about is As a Christian being human and having these mixed emotions and like, yes, I want to do this and I'm excited and I feel I know I've been called. I heard this calling when I was in college, so I know it's real and I don't want to deal with the weather. I'm going to miss my family. How do you navigate that and have a relationship with God? Yeah, so I just, at this point, I just really trust in his plan and that It's all going to work out how it's supposed to, and there probably will be things I don't like, for sure. But, I mean, that's also every season of life. There's gonna be things you don't like. Like, you have a newborn baby, you love your newborn baby, but you don't like the staying up all night and things like that. So, I think every season of your life, you're gonna go through things that you don't like. But, also knowing that, like, God's not done until it's good, and I... Faithfully believe in that. So like for me, you know, even if I moved down there for a period of time and then I would like to settle down wherever my family is though, God will, you said God will, I'm gonna butcher it. But what I heard was basically God will not stop until it's good. Yeah. Unpack that for us. What does that mean? I think, you know, God takes us through life and will bring us through lessons for sure. I think that's what this being on Earth is about, is experiencing our lessons and. Experiencing life too, but so I think we will go through hardships to learn certain lessons that we were designed to learn while we are here, but. God is a loving father and he cares about us. So I trust in his plan and that it's all going to work out in favor. Just like, for example, to break this down for your listeners, you go through a breakup. You're like, what the heck, man? Like, I don't want to go through this. This sucks. You get into the right relationship and you're like, Oh. That makes sense why I had to go through that to get to this point. You had to learn the lessons of what you don't like in a partner, what you do like in a partner to be able to get with the right partner. So there's certain things in life that just because it's not what you're enjoying, like it's not the end. So that's kind of how I like to reframe things in my brain to, you know, make me feel good about the challenging seasons. Well, one thing that just came to me, as you said, is not the end. It gives. some comfort in knowing that and going through it knowing that it's not the end. More is out there. And that was really instrumental in my move to Dallas my first six months, I believe. Yeah, first six, five, six months in Dallas. I was struggling with my, my faith. I was really like, God, where are you? What are you doing? And There was just something that happened. I said, if God did it before, God will do it again. And that is what allowed me to really relax and settle in housing instability and then like God, God has provided for you for God will cry for you again. So I love that you have nurtured your mindset to know that. It's okay. You don't, you don't ruffle some feathers. You're going to go through a little few bruises, but it will be okay. And when you let's use this Florida as a movie, cause that's an example that you talked about and you seem comfortable talking about knowing that you're going to be okay. How do you embrace or feel the feelings of the emotions that would may stop one from proceeding. And doing what they're called to do. That's a great question. I think just like trying to be optimistic about it. So don't focus on all the negatives of the situation or the things that you don't want to do or the things that may be holding you back, but try to reframe your mind into what could come out of it. What could be really amazing in that opportunity that you haven't even experienced yet. I think that helps me to understand what God has like in store and kind of try to keep my mind up, try to keep my eyes on him instead of on my own like flesh and my own selfish desires. I love it. Can you tell us How do you keep your eyes on God? Yeah, sure. Definitely spending time. With him spending time alone with him. So for me, that looks like just a lot of quiet time going on walks by myself or, um, putting like worship on the TV. That's just like a, like an ongoing worship. It's not like just like one song it's it's by the Jesus school or Jesus image school or whatever. And they just have these ones that kind of like run on and putting that on. Like getting on my knees and just like worshiping and closing my eyes, praying out loud, like that helps me a lot, kind of get closer to God and then spending time in the word, going to church, serving, I guess, doing those things that, you know, we all should be doing as Christians, but it is the perfect formula to be closer to God. And then also something that might be not as popular is just. Serving like others and being nice to others to just just treat people how Jesus would treat people and I think that if you're more like Jesus's character, you will be closer to him and vice versa. Wow. If you more like Jesus, you'd be more like Jesus's character. Whoa, girl. Wow. So it sounds like you are very generous with your resources, time, money and serving. Have you ever struggled with feeling like you're being taken advantage of or you're not being met halfway? Absolutely. Absolutely. And I struggled with feeling bad for that too, because I was serving And I was not doing it out of a fruitful spirit anymore. And I, I was serving in a ministry that wasn't really aligned with who I was. So I was originally picked for this ministry and I enjoyed it for a while. And I was like kind of getting my feet wet with serving and serving in the church and things like that. And then after a while, I think it was one of those things that my time is up here. It's time to move on. And. I should have taken that sign right away, but I didn't. And I let it create a bitter spirit in me. So there was just a lot of things that were happening that, you know, how the outside. Like people, like the people that weren't serving in the church were treating me and treating others. And I started to notice some of that, just like how some people can be really nasty and ignorant, even in the church, because the church is made up of people and people aren't perfect. So a lot of that was getting under my skin. And then, like you said, like feeling taken advantage of or not like seen understood those things. And yeah, it created a very negative environment for me. And I knew at that point. I had to move on. Like, I could not, and I had to just take a break from serving. So I, I had messaged one of the leaders, kind of told them where my heart was at and what was happening. And I said, I'm going to like, just take a break for a while, get my mind right, because where I'm at now is not a place that I should be like even serving in the church. And they completely understood. I think a lot more people go through them that, that than people like to admit. So they, they, you know, understood took a break for a while. And then I ended up on a ministry that was very aligned with who I am and my skills. I love that. Cause I've also in another lifetime has I've, I've been here forever, but you know, in a different season of my life struggled with feeling like a generous person, very generous. And I sometimes I feel taken advantage of, and I had to adopt a mindset that I am called to serve and God sees everything I'm doing in my obedience. To God and who God calls me to be will be rewarded even if humans do not treat me. The best. And so I love how you talked about navigating that. And it's so interesting that you mentioned church hurt because I wanted to talk about that a little earlier. And what I realized is what you hit you hit the nail on its head that people are in churches and they do what they do, and it will cause some, it may cause some pain and. What I would love for churches to do is cycle their service, their servers. Like we shouldn't be serving continuously. Like we go through things or seasons in our lives and like you don't want to tap people out. And so you want to make sure that as they serve, they're getting served. And I don't think a lot of churches do that really well. And so I love that you said you felt it and you just reached out and said, Hey, in this season of my life, I shouldn't be serving. So I really appreciate that. My last question for you is now that you're here and you have this personal relationship with God and you're hearing God and you are being all that Sam is, what gives you hope in your personal relationship with God? What gives me hope? What do you mean? Can you give me like an example? Yeah, like for alcohol, I'll tell you, for me, it's knowing that everything is going to work out. Like in my relationship with God, I know everything is going to work out. And so when things seem like they're not working out, I'm just like, everything's going to work out. Okay, I understand the question now. So I think for me is I like to tell myself or have the prayer that God's plan is better than I could ever imagine my own life to be. And I think we are so small minded as us, you know, humans, we're human. God is so much higher than all of us. And that if we think that we would have a better outcome of our own lives, if we control it. That is just putting God into a teeny tiny box and like just making him so much smaller than he really is. And his love so much smaller too. So I like to tell myself that like, God has something great for my life plan. Like I was born to do something great. And. Again, he's not going to stop until it's good. And that's kind of where like the, the rainbow comes from. So we had like a massive rainbow in our, in our area yesterday. And like, that's God's promise. Like everything's going to be good. That's God's promise. And so I like to keep that, I guess, too, in the forefront of my mind. I love that. Oh, I love that. Oh my God. I just, I love this entire episode. And what I loved about it is. Getting personal with God, like it's so important because when you have a personal relationship with God, you see the fruits of God's labor, the fruits of your labor. And like, you know, like you said, rainbow, everything's going to be all right. Everything is going to be all right. And I. And even though you end it there, I love it because even though we know everything's gonna be all right, that does not mean we don't have cloudy days. Absolutely. It doesn't mean that it doesn't rain. Yeah. I, yeah, and I would definitely want your listeners to know that too, that even though, you know, I spoke all these great things and this and that, like it still hard, faith, your faith journey will be hard. And you'll go through hardships, you'll go through doubts, but that's what makes us human is that we do question things. Because if we didn't, we would just be robots. So the fact that we get to question things and feel negative and positive emotion gives us contrasts to what life is. So without the bad days, you don't experience the good days. And I think that's pretty cool. And keep that in your mind too. And just because you have doubts or you have hard times, doesn't make you less than to God. It doesn't make you less than in your faith journey. It doesn't mean you're backsliding. It's all going to like be okay. And I would just encourage your listeners to just keep going, keep pushing. Dan, let's just end there. I don't have anything to say except for what you said that was so powerful in this last segment is you get to doubt and question God. You get to. So when you do it, don't beat yourself up because you're just, you're, I think our doubt and questioning God. Is us asking for safety as asking, like, is this really it? Should I be doing that? But you're just wanting to be safe. And God wants you to be safe too. Wow. Sam. Yeah. And it's also faith. That's like the definition of faith, even though you don't understand, you keep believing. So when you do have those questions and doubts, like as long as you keep believing and keep thinking that, you know, there is a God, there is. Something there for you. Like, that's just what faith is. That's a definition. Wow. Sam, I knew this was going to be fruitful. I knew this was going to be good. Like when I was on your episode on your podcast, I was like, Oh yeah, this is a must. And so I really thank you for showing up. Thank you for being vulnerable with my listeners and letting them know that we get to be all of ourselves. All of ourselves, every emotion gets to come to the table and know that we're still loved by God and God is bigger than us, but God's plan is so, so, so good. So thank you so much for your time. Thank you for being here. Thank you for being you. And I am so excited to watch you transition to Florida and I'm going to be praying that is everything that you need and didn't know you needed. Yes. I just had to tell you that your podcast episode was one of my highest ranking ones. I got so many compliments on our episode, like family members. Nick, like so many people loved our episode. So you were a hit. Thank you. I appreciate that because I just showed up and I do what God tells me to do. And so I'm so thankful that people were blessed by that. Wow. Thank you. Oh, so much that touched my heart, so thank you. Oh, good. And you have such a kind spirit too. Like I feel like you know, when I'm around you I'm smiling from ear to ear each time, which that's not, I have to be honest, that's not really my personality. So you must have a certain glow about you that makes that come out in people. Thank you. That's so kind. Oh my. Wow. You just made my day and I am such a mushy person, so I really appreciate your kind words, and it's confirmation that. What I've been through and who I am today. It's just so divine like I'm so thankful that people get to experience a healed version of me and that my glow is helping others glow. Like what, what more can I ask for? And I've always wanted to be like Christ with feet. And so to hear you say that I'm getting so emotional and hearing other people listen to that episode and tell you that it's just confirmation that I'm doing exactly what God called me to do. So thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I've never cried on this episode. I'm not going to cry today. But thank you for having me on. It's been a pleasure and a blessing. Take care.