Men Having Babies is a nonprofit organization providing support, information, and financial assistance for current and prospective gay Intended Parents. In this episode, Frank and his Executive Assistant, Juan share their experience at the 2018 Men Having Babies Chicago Conference. They talk about what Men Having Babies does for perspective Intended Parents, what the program means to the gay community, and what it means to them personally.
Men Having Babies is a nonprofit organization providing support, information, and financial assistance for current and prospective gay Intended Parents. In this episode, Frank and his Executive Assistant, Juan share their experience at the 2018 Men Having Babies Chicago Conference. They talk about what Men Having Babies does for perspective Intended Parents, what the program means to the gay community, and what it means to them personally.
Frank 00:02
Welcome to Surrogacy Talk with me, your fabulous host and family building expert, Frank Golden. I'll be talking about surrogacy, IVF, and making babies Hello, everyone. Welcome to Golden Gossip. And with me today in the studio is Erika Daybook.
Frank 00:22
Hello, everyone.
Frank 00:23
Hi, Erika. Thank you for being here.
Erika 00:25
Thank you for having me.
Frank 00:26
Also with us is Juan Ruiz.
Juan 00:29
Hi, everyone.
Frank 00:30
Hi, Juan. How are you doing today? If everyone out there could be in the studio today you would swear that Juan was like bringing in some South Beach vibe here. He's good.
Erika 00:40
He always looks great. He looks very summery.
Juan 00:43
It's it's 95 degrees outside.
Erika 00:44
You look good. Yeah. Very vacation.
Juan 00:46
Like, I'm ready. It's a three day weekend.
Erika 00:48
Making me feel really happy.
Juan 00:50
And just some sunshine into the office.
Erika 00:51
So it is 90 degrees in Chicago, everybody.
Frank 00:53
Yeah, it is. It's gorgeous outside. Finally, we have some great weather here. So today's podcast, we are going to talk about the organization Men Having Babies because in April specifically April 14 through the 15th they had their annual Men Having Babies expo that they do in Chicago every year. So Golden Surrogacy we're obviously a large supporter of the organization and we sponsor this was our third year in a row so with that being said, I know you Erika are going to moderate this and you have questions for me.
Erika 01:30
I do. I didn't get to go this year. I was there last year. I thought it was a great experience so I'm excited to hear about Men Having Babies Chicago 2018. So I guess we're very familiar with Men Having Babies but not all of our listeners are so primarily just tell us about Men Having Babies you know what exactly is it and all that good.
Frank 01:53
Yeah great so Men Having Babies is a nonprofit organization it was spun off in 2012 so I think that's when it officially became and having babies and it originated from an organization that had been around since 2005 which was primarily based in New York to help. It was basically like a support network for gay men looking to start their family specifically to have a biological child of their own So now the organization is basically an advocate for gay couples and gay singles that are researching their options to start their family again through surrogacy so that they would have a biological child of their own.
Frank 02:39
And they host these these expos all over the country and abroad. They have them in Tel Aviv, Brussels. They're constantly adding new programing so that's and then they provide educational resources for couples and individuals looking to start the process of family building. But then there's also some financial assistance that they provide too. So that's kind of Men Having Babies in a snapshot, if you.
Erika 03:08
Basically. Or like you said, like in a few states snapshot.
Frank 03:12
Snapshot.
Erika 03:13
Okay. I like to say a nutshell so in a nutshell, Men Having Babies specifically helps gay men who are looking to have biological children. So this is not they don't help with adoption. It's really surrogacy focused.
Frank 03:30
It really is. They have I know that they are starting to expand the program to have some adoption agencies come to some of their events, but it is primarily surrogacy and IVF related. Definitely.
Erika 03:45
I think that's important. I mean, not to say that adoption is simple because it isn't, but this we know that compared to a surrogacy journey, which is so complex to have a whole organization specializing in that for the gay community is great and maybe they will branch out to adoption. But for now, that makes perfect sense. They're staying focused.
Erika 04:07
So, Frank, you've attended three times now.
Frank 04:10
Three times.
Erika 04:11
Three times, yes. So tell me about how it's changed, because in those three years a lot has changed for the gay community, gay marriage being one of them. That stands out in my mind and I'm sure many of our listeners minds. How has it changed, if at all?
Frank 04:24
So the. So there's a couple different things. Men Having Babies is definitely grown. The programing of of where they're outreaches. So I know that last year they had a Texas event for the first time. They're South this year, they're branching out into Florida. And so the program is definitely expanding throughout the country and abroad. And you know how that with gay marriage, with the passing of gay marriage many of the markets that weren't mature yet like couples coming to the realization that they can have a family of their own you know they can get married.
Frank 05:05
And then obviously after getting married, the next logical step is family creation. And so if anything, gay marriage is definitely created more awareness of the organization because couples and they go online and they start researching and they find you know, maybe one of the targeted ads online or they find the website and then they immediately go to MenHavingBabies.org to get all of the information and to find where the nearest expo event to them is.
Frank 05:36
So I think it's how you know, how has it changed? I think it's just really grown and become more robust over the years. Definitely.
Erika 05:45
So I like to best about Men Having Babies when I got to go, was interacting with all the different kinds of couples. Are they just starting out their journey? Are they at the point where they don't know anything about surrogacy at all? Are they looking for the right agency? They're looking for the right IVF clinic, or what kind of.
Erika 06:03
I know it's hard to necessarily be able to tell right off the bat, but I know you talk to everybody, so why do a lot of people go there?
Frank 06:09
Yeah, that's a great question. So what I noticed is that there are couples of all different shapes and sizes there, different educational backgrounds in terms of where they're starting the process, what they know. I interact with couples that came to the expo who have already done months of planning and research. They might already have a clinic or an agency kind of in the back of their mind that they'd like to sign with.
Frank 06:32
But they wanted more information or they noticed that one of their top picks, you know, we're going to be attending the event and they wanted to come meet that vendor that provider. So you have people coming that obviously are in that boat where they do have some knowledge and maybe they they're just looking for that face to face time and that interaction with the provider.
Frank 06:51
But then you also have people that they have no clue where to begin. They don't know anything about surrogacy. They don't know what the costs are. And so and I think that's a majority of the attendees that that are coming to these events, they they don't know where to begin the financial aspects of it. And so what's really helpful with Men Having Babies is that they not only do they put together this great program with all of these different providers, different surrogacy agencies, IVF clinics, attorneys but then they also solicit feedback from previous surrogates and intended parents, and they have panels of surrogate previous surrogates and intended parents to come on stage and talk about their
Frank 07:32
journeys. And so from the attendee perspective, you're getting, you know, the download of what's a surrogate journey from point A to point B but then you're also learning about the humanistic characters of of a surrogate, the qualities of a surrogate, and then you're learning about the different dynamics that you know, take place in a surrogacy journey. So you're it's a lot of information.
Frank 07:53
It's a lot of knowledge. The organization, you know, really became Men Having Babies in 2012 and Adam and I started our first journey and we started researching in 2010 and then we really started it in 2011. So we didn't have, we didn't have Men Having Babies when we started out. And I really wish we would have because it's, it's a really great program. Very great.
Erika 08:13
For any listener out there that hasn't even really begun doing research or this is maybe this podcast is the first thing you decide to listen to pertaining to surrogacy. That's great. That's it sounds like Men Having Babies is a great place for you. That could be your your second point of research after this podcast. I think the idea of meeting face to face with these doctors and surrogacy agencies is intimidating.
Erika 08:38
When you haven't even begun. But maybe that's a great place to start. So, Men Having Babies as an organization in all of its fans, what does I really mean for the gay community as two gay man from you, I want your perspective. What does it do for you? Like, how does that make you feel knowing this organization like this?
Erika 08:56
How do you think it adds to the community.
Frank 08:59
Yeah, that's that's a great question for for our perspective. So for me, having gone through the process a few times you know, I think it's a really great resource. To your previous point. It's a really great, you know, starting place for people to go to start gathering information and providers in the process and then to gain access to the financial assistance that they offer as well.
Frank 09:25
So for me, I think it's great because Men Having Babies is going to provide not only the information but also access to family building for gay couples that that didn't exist when I started it. So the younger generation definitely will feel like they have more knowledge and more access to family building through surrogacy. What do you think, Juan, just you know, being in a in a position of, you know, you don't have children yet, but I'm sure you're thinking about it on the horizon and what you know, what is Men Having Babies mean to you?
Juan 09:57
Yeah, I would agree with everything that you said. I think for me, I saw an ad in Instagram and they had an advertisement for it. So it's really a great starting point I think when I grew up, I always knew I would like to have my own biological kids, but I didn't know how I was going to make that happen.
Juan 10:13
So having an organization like Men Having Babies who really sets everything up for you is just amazing because you I love you know, I now know what I would have to do because I work with the best of the best. But if I didn't if I was just working another nine to five job area and I and I wanted to start my family, they can help me, guide me along to get where I want to go.
Frank 10:35
The fact that Men Having Babies is expanding the program. So they have they have a West Coast expo and workshop and of course, New York, where they started the Midwest. So they're really focusing on identifying key markets where they can get the word out to as many couples as possible. And they keep going year after year, and especially with the passage of gay marriage.
Frank 10:59
They're there. Attendee The number of attendees is definitely increasing every year. So I think the gay community is going to recognize Men Having Babies as being really the leader in information, in the leader, in resources to start your family So I think it's I think it's great. There's really no other organization that exists primarily with the same exact focus.
Frank 11:22
So I think they've really done a great job at carving out a space where they can be helpful and useful to the to the LGBTQ community.
Juan 11:30
Yeah, you'd also feel really hopeful going there for the first time and not really knowing what to expect. Seeing all of these kind of potential or intended parents was really great because they get to see people just like that, people who either have gone through a journey like Frank or, you know, other people who are speaking, or for people who want to learn about having their own biological children.
Juan 11:52
It's hope it's progress. It's it's exciting.
Frank 11:56
And the attendees that show up, they they come with notepads and notebooks and they're ready. They're ready to absorb all the information. And you can see you can see hope in their eyes when they're in the audience, when we're up there speaking with them and it really invigorates me with a sense of passion. I keep doing what I do to go year after year and to see these new couples that would like to start a family that we're, you know, now they're now in the same shoes as is Adam and I, you know, once where before we had children.
Frank 12:27
And so it's it's inspiring and it's one of the reasons why we keep supporting the organization year after year.
Erika 12:33
I just think it's great that you're part of that like you are you are a representative of what Men Having Babies stands for and then to be able to give back to it probably feels really good. So kudos kudos to you and to Adam. That's a that's huge. So it was your first time attending Men Having Babies. And I'm interested in in your experience and how did you take it all in?
Juan 12:59
I was I was scared because Frank scared me. Frank. Yeah.
Erika 13:03
It does get crazy busy. It no, it does.
Juan 13:05
I was I was doing my research before and Frank is kind of a natural speaker and he's like, one, when we went to Atlanta last time, he got really sick on purpose and I mean, he couldn't speak.
Erika 13:17
I think we did a podcast about this.
Juan 13:19
Yeah. We have three businesses understand.
Frank 13:21
Juan was like. Well, if it's going to go anything like Atlanta we're in big trouble.
Juan 13:24
Yeah. So every time I hear that, he was going to make me speak, but he did really well. And so that was my first news. I was excited, I think when intended parents call and they speak to me first before they speak to Frank. It's I like I like speaking to them. I like hearing their stories. So meeting them in person is that much more exciting.
Juan 13:43
And I guess kind of the personal aspect that we like to add to Golden. And so it was it was great. I think he was hopeful for me. Like I wanted to start having babies and like, whoa, I need to calm down. I'm not that just got a puppy. I think really the positive energy you have all of these vendors walk in.
Juan 13:58
So we were the platinum sponsor. So we walk in and we have all the other platinum sponsors and just the walk. Everyone was very welcoming. Everyone from the Men Having Babies crew. And then this was held at the center on Halsted, which is a center for LGBT people specifically. But everyone there was just accepting it. There was really no taboo about being a same sex couple or a single intended parent.
Juan 14:20
There's really no taboo about surrogacy in general, everyone was there to answer your questions, enlighten you, and kind of just get you where you wanted to go. Even if the time wasn't right now, even if you just wanted to do research on how much it was going to cost, everyone was pretty honest. Frank did a really great intro and told everyone Hey, this is what's going to cost.
Juan 14:40
And people can say, All right, maybe I can't afford it right now, but I can plan for it and I can start doing research and I want to go about it. So it was it was informative, but it was yeah, it was exciting. I loved it.
Frank 14:54
And, you know, you make a good point. Is that it Men Having Babies created a safe place. it was. Well, we're all there in that venue. And so that's one of the really great things about Men Having Babies is not only are they showing up in all these different cities and providing information, but they're providing a safe place.
Frank 15:12
Because if you lived in Texas before they had come there for the event, there might not be, you know, like a center on Halstead type place equivalent, like what we have in Chicago for gay couples to go.
Erika 15:23
Notoriously a conservative state. And that's just the way it is.
Juan 15:26
We had people I was talking to kind of it was silly of me to assume that everyone attending was from Chicago and they were like, no, what we came you know, we were coming from Wisconsin and we came from Ohio and we had people who came down for their self like, oh, wow. And having to have everything there.
Juan 15:41
It was really just like a buffet of you had your fertility centers there. You had your with your reproductive endrocrongiat you had lawyers, you had your agencies, you had everything you needed to get started, have your answers, your questions answered were there. And that was really great.
Erika 15:57
So Men Having Babies sounds so great. And I'm interested in how we can help intended parents or give them some information, how they can get involved, how they can be a part of Men Having Babies
Frank 16:06
Yeah. Great. So I would encourage, you know, prospective intended parents to visit the Men Having Babies website. It's MenHavingBabies. All one word .org. You can go on the website. They've got an events tab which lists the current cities that they're hosting their events with the dates and then they're really great. Thing is that the landing pages for those events also list all of the providers which will be in attendance.
Frank 16:33
So then you can click on those links and visit the websites of the providers that will be attending to do some preliminary research before you attend the event. That way you can kind of gameplan who you like to speak with. There's also access to the detailed program for the day, the itinerary, so that way you can plan, you know, which panels you'd like to to watch and which information you'd really like to be a part of.
Frank 16:55
Or you go in, you're there for the whole day. It's a full day program. Yeah. Um, so that would be a starting point. And then they also have obviously a Facebook page and they list all of their events and things like that.
Erika 17:05
So that be great with the program. So if you can only go to one event a year, which is more than enough, you know, for intended parents looking to start their family, a lot of intended parents do come specifically for us, you know, they've, they've and other places as well. But they've done their research and they've noticed our ratings and they they come wanting to meet Frank and his team and they chose specifically to attend the Chicago one from different states that's a great option too if you already have decided on an agency or you think these are like, you know my top to find out which events they're going to be at and
Erika 17:38
plan your your vacation. They make it into a vacation around that and go to Brussels. Hey, we are considering it.
Frank 17:46
Yeah, that sounded fun.
Erika 17:48
And then tell me more about the financial assistance. I know it's a huge issue for a lot of people. So what does Men Having Babies do and how can it help parents get involved?
Frank 17:58
Yes. So Men Having Babies has what they call the gay parenting assistance program. We all use the term pap. So, um, they offer two different stages of their GPAP assistance. One offers more of a basic like a percentage off of certain fees associated with some of the providers. So we are GPAP providers, so we offer it at this point as of today's recording because it could change in the future percentage.
Frank 18:27
But I know right now we offer a 10% discount for qualified individuals that are accepted into the GPAP Stage one program, and then they have a stage two program which includes pro bono services for many of the top providers. So that's really great as well. And so if you visit their website, they have an assistance tab and you can go on there and submit an application.
Frank 18:49
So and then they also partner with some of the major pharmaceutical companies to provide discounts on the medications that are required to go through the fertility treatment for your egg donor and for your surrogate. So I would definitely encourage couples who are interested in some of the financial assistance to definitely go on their website MenHavingBabies.org and click on their assistance tab and then submit an application.
Erika 19:13
Probably a huge relief for a lot of people so anyone listening. Be sure to check that out. If that's something that, you know, it would be for me if expenses were a concern so any final thoughts you guys want to add about your experience?
Frank 19:25
I would just say, and then you can chime in to Juan, if you have something. But I would just say that I wholeheartedly believe in the work that the Men Having Babies Foundation is doing with their gay parenting assistance program and then all of the information that they provide during their events. They have put together also an ethical framework for surrogacy.
Frank 19:50
So not only are they promoting information, but they're promoting surrogacy in the most ethical way possible. Um, so we are huge, you know, proponents of Men Having Babies and we really believe in what they're doing and this is why we support their organization Yeah.
Juan 20:10
I would agree with everything you said. I think I'm really, I'm actually thankful that they're here and that they are able to provide so much help and so many to the parents who need it. And for me, they actually showed me a lot as well. So I'm really glad that this is something that can help a lot of people.
Frank 20:26
And again, for everyone out there listening, if you'd like to get involved with the organization and find more information out, go to MenHavingBabies.org to get involved.
Erika 20:35
Very well. Thank you, everybody, for listening.
Frank 20:37
Yes, thank you. Everyone out there for listening. I hope you enjoyed our podcast on MenHavingBabies.org and feel free to visit all of our social media it's @GoldenSurrogacy, with the exception of our Instagram. It's @Golden_Surrogacy.
Erika 20:54
It's something like.
Frank 20:55
That. So to put that specifically, somewhere and until next time. Ciao.
Erika 21:02
Ciao, everybody.
Frank 21:04
Thank you everyone for tuning in to this podcast segment. This is Frank Golden reminding you that everyone deserves a family.