Welcome Home - A Podcast for Veterans, About Veterans, By Veterans
Welcome Home is a Willing Warriors and the Warrior Retreat at Bull Run project. The program highlights activities at the Warrior Retreat and issues impacting all Veterans. For questions or feedback, please email us at podcast@willingwarriors.org.
Welcome Home - A Podcast for Veterans, About Veterans, By Veterans
Supporting Our Heroes: Bob Bauer on Trauma Recovery and Community Healing for Veterans and First Responders
Discover the transformative journey of Bob Bauer, founder of the Sergeant Robert Bauer Warriors Foundation, in our latest episode. Bob shares his personal story, from military service and law enforcement to becoming a dedicated trauma recovery and mental health coach. Learn about the foundation's vital role in providing support to military personnel and first responders, including their collaboration with Veterans Affairs and the impactful Reboot Recovery program. Bob underscores the essential role of community in the healing process, and you'll find out how to access these valuable resources through https://www.gismr.org/.
Explore the profound effects of intergenerational trauma and moral wounds on the lives of military personnel and law enforcement officers. Drawing from personal experiences, we discuss the four roadblocks to recognizing moral wounds: denial, being emotionally overwhelmed, harmful coping behaviors, and escapism. Using the metaphor of a rucksack, Bob illustrates the weight of unresolved issues and the difficulty of showing vulnerability in tight-knit communities. Grieving, addressing abnormal coping mechanisms, and creating a concrete plan for seeking professional help are all part of the discussion aimed at breaking these cycles of trauma.
Understand the challenges of isolation and loss of community faced by retired veterans and first responders, along with the distressing rates of suicide among veterans. Hear about initiatives by law enforcement agencies to build trust and provide psychological support, as well as the crucial need to recognize generational trauma among new recruits. We'll share personal stories and compassionate insights to raise awareness and offer a roadmap for those struggling with trauma and mental health issues. Tune in to learn more about the vital work being done to support our heroes and the resources available.
Good morning. I'm your host, larry Zilliak, director of Culinary Services here at the Warrior Treat at Bull Run, and this week our guest is Bob Bauer. He is the founder of the Sergeant Robert Bauer Warriors Foundation. He's a trauma recovery and mental health coach. I really wanted to get him on to talk about the services that the organization provides and just ways in which veterans can find resources and help for mental health issues. So, Bob, welcome to the podcast. Thank you for having me. So if you would just tell us a little bit about your background and what kind of led you to forming this organization?
Bob Bauer:Well, in 2014, I retired from a career in law enforcement. I had spent over four decades in law enforcement. Prior to entering law enforcement, I had been in the military. I'd been in the Air Force for a couple of years and then I was in the Army for about 10 years. When I retired from law enforcement, I became a college professor and one day I was standing before my class. I had 60 kids in this particular class and I had a vision of these kids 20 years down the road. Some of them were. They looked like they were beat up and haggard, some of them were missing, some of them were traumatized and I remember kind of saying a prayer it's like God, what does this mean? And I felt like I was seeing the future because it was also my past, because I saw military personnel and first responders become victims to trauma and, because of the culture in both of those communities, nobody seeks help and they just go deeper into the ditch, to the point where they end up taking their lives. So I felt a calling to start an organization that would reach out to those communities those two communities to include their families, and we began to address the mental health aspects of it, working with the Veterans Affairs group and working with law enforcement groups like Fraternal Order of Police in the area, so on and so forth, and so we began to reach out to that community.
Bob Bauer:My background is I have a graduate level degree in counseling and in psychology and recently I just passed the board. I'm a board certified mental health coach and counselor. I've been referred to as a trauma specialist, so that's how it kind of got me into. It is being a college professor and looking at 18, 19-year-old kids in a classroom and having that vision of what it could be like 20 years down the road. Now the one thing about it is that was in 2014. I taught for three years. I work with a lot of those people who are police officers now reaching out to me because they're hitting a wall and they know they can talk to me. They know that I'm not going to label them. They know that you know we work to go forward. We're not looking at the past.
Bob Bauer:The first experience I can tell you that I had as a young man was working for the Hagerstown police department. He called me at three o'clock in the morning. I had as a young man was working for the Hagerstown police department. He called me at three o'clock in the morning. He had been a police officer for three weeks. He called me at three o'clock in the morning. He told me. He says I really need to talk to you. He says I worked my first fatality car accident tonight. He said it was an 18 month old baby. He was traumatized. He had a 22 year old kid. You know had never experienced that before.
Bob Bauer:And those are the kind of things we deal with. I even interact with Vietnam veterans who are still dealing with moral injury from Vietnam Sure, and so we work with them in the sense of addressing what they're dealing with and then from there we move forward. We also sponsor a course called Reboot Recovery, and from there we move forward. We also sponsor a course called Reboot Recovery. Well, we've partnered with Reboot Recovery, which is out of Fort Campbell, kentucky, the founder. She's a physical therapist out there. So they started offering 12-week courses that address trauma and they have a course specifically for first responders, a course specifically for military, have a course specifically for first responders, a course specifically for military and then one kind of like carte blanche that covers everybody, which was fantastic during COVID because everybody was traumatized and we got kicked offline, so to speak.
Bob Bauer:When COVID came along we could no longer meet face-to-face, so we've been meeting virtually. We've been doing courses, five a year, no-transcript. We walk them through the different steps over a 12-week period of what is grief you know what do we do to avoid grief. You know what is shame, guilt and regret, what is forgiveness. So we walk them through that and it's a 12-week program. But it's also a program about building community. I'm a real advocate about building community. You know that you can walk through life alone or you can walk through life with a battle buddy or a battle community. So that's kind of what we do.
Larry Zilliox:And so the organization. I'm assuming you have a webpage.
Bob Bauer:Yeah, it's GISMR, which basically stands for GodIsMyRockorg.
Larry Zilliox:So veterans go there, or first responders, and is there a way for them to use the? I'm sure you have a number of resources, but a way for them to contact you or reach out to you?
Bob Bauer:Yes, they can reach out through the website. There's an area there where they can contact us. It has our contact information with regards to the website, the website, basically contact is sergeantb at gismrorg or info at gismrorg. They can call us. We're in the Washington DC metro area right now. As of January 2025, we're expanding out to the West Virginia, virginia, maryland area. We're going to be working with Veterans Affairs Hospital out in Martinsburg, so we'll be, you know, expanding the program out there. We'll be doing a first responder and a military reboot course and we've partnered with several therapists out there to work with us, other than Veterans Affairs. There may be some senior veterans who don't trust the veterans organization, so we've partnered with several therapists psychotherapists or whatever to work with them.
Larry Zilliox:So there's no requirement for them to be in the VA system. No, okay, so no disability rating or anything.
Bob Bauer:Oh, absolutely not. And that's one thing we don't do. We don't label you. A lot of people don't want to be labeled. It's like I tell people in 1994, I was diagnosed with PTSD. At first I was elated because I could understand why I was having the problems I was having. But later on down the road that label can affect you In society. You know they think you're a Rambo, you know, gone off the ledge. So we don't label anybody. I mean, we can identify what challenges they're facing and then we put together a plan Okay, how do we move forward? It's like you can be stuck in the mud in your car and then you get out. You're not always going to continue looking back at the mud hole. You want to know how to proceed forward. So that's what we do.
Larry Zilliox:When you have somebody come to you who has a combination of issues and you know our listeners are very familiar with the idea that you rarely see a veteran or first responder who has just one issue, that just has PTS or has moral injury. You know it's just usually TBI, pts, moral injury, and they're starting to isolate and they're self-medicating with alcohol and drugs. So a veteran is referred to you, their family is pushing them to get help and what does a typical course of therapy look like for somebody who comes to you that needs some help?
Bob Bauer:Well, kind of like what we're doing. The first thing we do is we sit down and have a conversation because we want to establish a relationship. So we initially tell them we're not here to label you, we're not here to judge you. I share a little bit of my story with them so they understand I'm familiar with their journey. Okay, I've been down that path journey. Okay, I've I've been down that path. Um, I know where the landmines are at, so I'm trying to help navigate. I'm kind of like a compass.
Bob Bauer:I'm trying to help you navigate through it. And then I sit and I ask questions. I go all the way back to childhood. You know what was your family life like? You know what was your relationship like with your parents? You know your grandparents, your aunt and uncles? Because a lot of times we bring childhood trauma into our adulthood and we don't recognize it. You know, I'll give you an example.
Bob Bauer:Both of my parents were children of alcoholics. My dad's parents were narcissistic alcoholics. My mom's father, who was the alcoholic, and my grandmother had the secondary effect of alcoholism. She didn't drink, but she had the personality of an alcoholic. My parents grew up in this environment. My father was a Marine. He fought in Korea. He was seriously injured. He watched his entire squad wiped out. He was up at Chosun Reservoir. Youoir Almost lost his life when he was a kid.
Bob Bauer:He was an outgoing kid, but when he returned from Korea he became an introvert. My father hated conflict. On the other hand, my mom loved it and oftentimes would stir it up. So my childhood was a challenge in the sense that I didn't have a good relationship with either one of my parents. I said my father was an introvert. He was withdrawn. My mother was nasty, but it was years later, when I went and got educated. I learned that both of their actions as adults and as parents were a result of their childhood, and I wanted to break that intergenerational cycle. So I share that story with the people I'm interacting with going this is where I come from and they begin to look back at theirs, and so then what we do is we ask okay, what's your relationships like now, if you're married? What are they like with your spouse? What is it like with your children? You know what's it like at work Because, as you said, oftentimes what happens is those moral wounds will take over.
Bob Bauer:You know, and you the first thing. Well, there's four roadblocks in order to identify the fact that you have moral wounds. One the first thing we do is we deny it. I'm cool, I don't have any problems, or I can handle it. We lie to ourselves and then pretty soon the stress becomes so overwhelming our emotions take over, we get angry, sometimes we get violent. You know where domestic violence comes in, or you know we would draw. So then we basically try to mask our pain, and we do that. Basically, we're trying to get our endorphins to fire up, to have a feel good moment and we start doing stupid things drinking drugs, illicit sex, gambling, dangerous behavior, all those things. It's not because we enjoy doing it, it's because it gives us a buzz, it makes us feel good. And then we reach a level to where we can't do anything to mask the pain. I mean you like peek out, and then that's when we run away. Running away can mean that you disengage with society or it could mean that you commit suicide or, as they say now, you make yourself unalive. But the thing about it is is so when we sit down and we talk to somebody, we explain to them those four roadblocks, you know, and ask them, do you recognize any of them? And automatically they start ticking off. Yeah, you know, they go.
Bob Bauer:You got to understand in the military, you know, or even law enforcement. You can't identify that you're hurting because you're part of a community that will kick you out, they will evict you, and so you don't want to lose your identity. I mean, think about a cop. A cop goes through six months of academy police academy, I mean and they face challenge after challenge. I mean physical challenges, mental challenges, spiritual challenges while they're going through that academy and then now they're part of a community. So then now they're a cop, they're on the street. They've been there five years, they've seen all kinds of things and they can't sleep at night. They start getting angry. They got issues. In fact, the statistics well, not official statistics, but unofficial statistics say that a police officer that spends 20 years in law enforcement will probably experience three different marriages because they can't deal with it. Because, number one, you don't want to come home and tell your wife that you're battling these issues, because one, she might judge you, or two, she might just totally disengage. So rather than take that chance, you just bottle it up, you bury it inside of you.
Bob Bauer:When I talk to military, I use the example of the rucksack. You know, when you have a problem that you can't deal with, you just throw that brick in your rucksack and it just keeps throwing it. I mean, it started off, you know, with a hundred pound rucksack already, but now you're loading it up with things you don't want to face. You're avoiding it and so you know we walk, we walk them through that to let them know, you know the different things that they're doing that might keep them from getting the help that they need.
Bob Bauer:We talk about grieving. You know what are the areas of grieving that you're experiencing, because some people think that at least in the military you lose a friend. You know in a combat situation you're supposed to get over it right away. You just compartmentalize it, and that's what military personnel are taught. You can part penalize it. I remember when I was in active army, I was in the infantry and I remember I had a sergeant tell me one time he goes, just put it away. You know he says you shouldn't have any friends. He said because they don't live long enough for you to have a friend. You know, but there again, you go through basic training with them, you go through AIT with them, you build a community of friendship, a family, you depend on them and now you lose them.
Bob Bauer:So we address that. We tell the people that we're interacting with number one. What you're dealing with absolutely normal. How you're dealing with it is not normal. And so, as I said, I look forward, I don't look backwards. So it's like, okay, we understand now what you're dealing with. Are you ready to travel forward? And then we create a plan.
Bob Bauer:It's like if they don't have a good relationship with their spouse, we work with them to find a counselor to basically interact with them, you know, to establish communication, you know, between the two and the same thing with children. I mean it's really bad when you have a marriage that's falling apart and then you have a teenager who's not quite sure who they are. You know it's a mess, and so we help them find those resources. We partner with churches. That can, you know, that can help them with that. The VA offers some of that. But what we do is we want to establish communication. But the other thing, key thing, is we want to establish community.
Bob Bauer:There's three key things that every human being needs. One they need to trust, you know. And the only way you can trust somebody is if you're vulnerable. Both of you are vulnerable, you know. The other thing is socialization. We want to be part of something you know. And then there's community, something bigger than us. You know where you can turn to. So those are three key factors and what we do we try to establish one trust.
Bob Bauer:Like I said, when I sit down and talk with somebody, I share my story. I want to be vulnerable. It's like I've been there. Okay, I've done that. I can help you climb out of the ditch, and there's a story that I share and I don't want to belabor it too long, but it's about a kid who was struggling and he, you know, in a denial phase I'm good, I'm good, I don't need help, I don't need help.
Bob Bauer:And then one morning he woke up and he found himself deep in a hole and he didn't know how to get out of the hole. So he starts screaming help, help, help me, I need help. And this really nice Wall Street looking guy comes walking by and, you know, sees him and hears him, walks over, says what can I do for you? And he says look. He says I'm losing my life. I need your help, I need to get out of this hole. I'm angry all the time. I'm yelling at my wife and my kids. I'm about to lose my marriage. I'm fighting with coworkers, I'm about to lose my job. I can't sleep at night, I can't eat, you know, I feel like I'm losing my life.
Bob Bauer:And so the businessman walks away for a minute and then he comes back and hands him a shovel and a bucket. He said you're a talented young man, you know you can dig yourself out of this hole. So he hands him that and the kid really bought into the pumping up you know the pep talk and so he's trying to dig himself out of the hole, to only realize that he's going deeper. So now he's completely discouraged and he's sitting on the bucket. And then he hears some familiar voices and he stands on top of the bucket and he starts screaming help me, help me. It was his family and his friends and he's going yes, these people will help me. So they came over, he explained to them what he was dealing with and they stepped away. They conversed amongst each other and they go have you talked to the professionals? He goes yeah, all they did is give me a shovel and a bucket. They said well, that's what you need to do. And they walked away.
Bob Bauer:Well then, he's totally discouraged at this point and he's sitting on top of the bucket. Again, he hears some more from well, he hears some more voices and he stands on the bucket and looks out he's not enthusiastic about screaming for help and he sees a group of people and he goes hey, can you help me? Almost in a defeated tone. And the people came over and they turned out to be the medical profession and he explains to them what he's dealing with and the medical profession goes. Well, you know, we can't make a decision now. We have to evaluate you. And so they did an evaluation and they came back and they go. Well, we can't solve your problem, but we can help you. And he handed them a bag of medicine and said here, this will help you. And he goes. Well, what happens if they run out? Oh, they'll never run out. We have an unlimited supply.
Bob Bauer:And the thing about it is, he took a couple of pills and he felt completely empty. He felt numb, you know, and he realized that he didn't have a life anymore. So he decided he was going to end it. So now he's sitting on the bucket and he's thinking about ending his life. He has the pills and stuff.
Bob Bauer:Then, all of a sudden, he hears some whistling in the background, which really annoyed him because he was miserable. How can anybody be so happy when I'm just lousy? And so he stands on the bucket to see who it is. And he sees an old guy walking along, whistling, and he screams at him. He goes stop that whistling. And so the guy comes over and says how are you doing? You know all happy and everything. He goes. Why are you so happy? He goes, why shouldn't I be? He says I'm alive. And the kid goes I'm miserable. And the old guy goes well why? He says if you really want to know I'll tell you.
Bob Bauer:So he sat down and shared the whole story and the kid dropped his head in complete defeat and all of a sudden he hears a thud and he looks up and the old man is face to face with him and so he starts screaming at the old man. He goes what are you doing in there, old man? You know what? I don't know how to get out of here. Now we're both stuck and the old guy looked at him and said uh-uh, I've been in this hole before. Follow me.
Bob Bauer:And that's kind of like the image of our organization. When we interact with somebody. We've been in that hole and so we want to help them get out of the hole. We want to help them get on a path that will lead them to a fulfilling life. You know it's not going to be peaches and cream. We tell them up front life's a challenge, but we'll give you the resources in order to be able to go. In fact, we often say we act as a compass for those navigating through the traumatic minefields to find that path that will lead to a fulfilling life.
Larry Zilliox:That's kind of what we do fields to find that path that will lead to a fulfilling life. That's kind of what we do. Is there a marked difference between the veterans that you see and who are suffering from military service and law enforcement or first responders? Is it virtually the same or is there some real stark differences?
Bob Bauer:Well, active duty personnel and first responders have a similar mindset. Okay, first of all, they want to stay in the community. Okay, their community and the law enforcement community. They call it the sheepdog. You know they identify as being a sheepdog. This is something that Colonel David Grossman created a few years back as an image. It was basically something to identify with, to move forward and active military the same thing. You're in a community, you have a brotherhood, sisterhood, you have a family. You don't want to get kicked out of that. However, veterans are no longer in that community. And the same thing with retired first responders. It's kind of like you have COVID the minute you retire, everybody forgets you.
Bob Bauer:I know in the law enforcement community. You know, when I retired I mean prior to when I retired I knew a lot of people in the business. You know I've been retired now, going on 11 years. I couldn't tell you who's in my old agency. I mean, they're all you know. It's like I often say where are you recruiting these people from the Boy Scout Explorers? So they're so young. But the thing about it is is that you feel disengaged. On one aspect, you don't want to be kicked out of the community. The other one, you no longer have a community, and so it's a matter of trust.
Bob Bauer:Now there's a lot of law enforcement agencies larger law enforcement agencies that are creating programs that will address trauma. I can tell you, fairfax County, virginia, chief Davis has instilled a program where, if you face a trauma, immediately you go talk to a counselor, you know, evaluate where's your mindset, and of course every cop, especially a young one, says I'm good, I have no problems. But they never come back. In Washington DC, when Chief Charles Ramsey was the chief, he created a program where they have a psychology unit that's completely separate and apart from the police department, but it's a free service for law enforcement officers, or they can go over, they talk to a psychologist or a psychiatrist. Nothing's made available to the city. Philadelphia has a similar program. When Chief Ramsey left DC he went and became the commissioner in Philly and he's created the same program there.
Bob Bauer:Those are the things that law enforcement officers need. They need to have trust, and so that's kind of the thing that we work with. We work with these other organizations too in the area where it's about establishing trust, that vulnerability, as I was saying before, it's about community, because isolation kills. There's shame, guilt and regret. The three ugly sisters is what I call them. The three, you know, the three ugly sisters is what I call them. You know, guilt tells you you did something wrong. Shame tells you you are wrong. So the thing is is we try to emphasize guilt is just a conviction. It says look, you made a mistake, you can correct it, move on. Shame wants you to live in the ditch, wants you to give up. So we address that, we build the trust in that regards in order to move forward.
Bob Bauer:Now, is that easy? No, especially when you go back to childhood, if you get information, the childhood trauma is there. You know they've never had any trust and so you have to almost address that from way back. You know, who do I trust? I mean, what kind of traumas have they faced growing up? Okay, were they? Were they abused in school? Were they abused at church? You know? Were they abused, you know, by the babysitter or whatever? So it's kind of like you have to figure out where the wound's at in order to move forward over the years.
Larry Zilliox:So many service members joined the military to escape, but yet the military really never recognized that, never recognized that they had recruits who had generational trauma, because they have always had this mindset that it doesn't matter who comes to us to join, we're going to instill our behavior and our way of life in them and whatever happened to them before will go away. And that's just so wrong. It is and it's just and you'd think they'd recognize that because within that first three years is when so many enlisted soldiers have problems. That first three years is when so many enlisted soldiers have problems, whether it's disciplinary, drug and alcohol problems or suicide. I mean the rate of suicide for active duty members is much higher in those first years because of that generational trauma. That's just not addressed. Just hope someday that the services, the branches, begin to recognize that and maybe either not accept everybody who comes to the front door or finds a way to examine people and offer help than just to say, okay, we'll just fix them and they'll be fine once they go through our basic training.
Larry Zilliox:When we talk about suicide amongst veterans today, depending on the source of the information whether it's the VA, which is around 17 per day, is their latest count, and then you look at the Operation Deep Dive report, which puts it at about 24. It's just still, it's just so high and it's so. It just seems like it's just a problem that nobody can find an answer for, and I really am curious about what your thoughts are as to how, as a community whether it's military veteran community or just community at large, because you know, somewhere around 158 to 160 people Americans just take their own life every day. A large percentage of that is our veterans, unfortunately, but it is a problem that the community at large faces. What's your thoughts about some of the ways that we might be able to address that?
Bob Bauer:Well, let me go back and address something you said earlier about people coming in the with a lot of baggage. Now, if you remember, back in the 1950s and 1960s, a lot of people were going into the military as a result of a court order, so they already had baggage going in. So the question is why were you a juvenile delinquent? And that's when the question should have started. Why are you like this? You know, and that's why we go back and we ask those initial questions. You know, we want to know. It's kind of like when you plant a seed in the garden. You know, you want to know that the ground is fertile. You know, you want to know that the seed you know is good seed and you nurture it when it's growing up. But if you just throw seeds wherever, you know, it's hard telling what you're going to get. So that's the big challenge. People come into the military, like you said, to run away from something. So the big challenge with us is when it comes to suicide, the misnomer is people think suicide is a cop-out or a coward. They can't face it, and I've heard that time and time again. And the example that I use when I explain what suicide is you go back to 9-11. The two planes hit the towers and we're all fixated on the TV and we're watching people jump from the towers. Now, were they jumping because their life was in a disarray? Were they jumping because they thought they could escape? No, they had fire behind them. They didn't want to experience the pain. And that's what suicide is. These people are exhausted. They are walking wounded. I mean we herald people in combat that have been, you know, had multiple shots fired at them and they continue to gauge in the battle and we herald them. I mean we give them medals and awards.
Bob Bauer:Who's dealing with all kinds of wounds? Say, he had childhood trauma and he became a cop because he wanted to save the next generational kid from that trauma from the alcoholic father, the drug addict mom, the abusive parents. He's still carrying that luggage from childhood and he's never addressed it. He figures okay, I'm going to basically bandage my wound by becoming a cop. Now, he's been a cop for some time. He sees all kinds of stuff. He realizes he's not going to basically bandage my wound by becoming a cop. Now, he's been a cop for some time. He sees all kinds of stuff. He realizes he's not going to change anything, but yet he doesn't have anybody to talk to. He's afraid to talk to his boss, he's afraid to talk to his friends, he's afraid to talk to his family because he's fearful he's going to get kicked out of the community. He's exhausted.
Bob Bauer:He or she is exhausted now, and out of exhaustion, they just want to end the pain. They just want to end the pain and so, as I often refer to it, they cross the final bridge into eternity. You know, at their own hands they're in pain and I can tell you there's many times I've talked with people who were on the edge of that bridge and I will say to them I'm here to listen. I'm not here to judge, I'm not here to give you any advice, I just want to listen. And that's what most people want when they are dealing with moral wounds. They want somebody to listen.
Bob Bauer:You know, I have this rule with people that I interact with. You can call me at any time of the day. If you're calling to vent, you need to tell me up front. I just want to vent. So my role is not to say a word, just to listen. I mean, I'm a guy. If you came to me with a problem, I want to fix it, and so I'll tell that to my wife too. If you just want to complain, tell me I'm venting, because then that way I'm not going to take it personal and I'm not going to try and fix it. So but that's what I do with everybody I interact with, and I get a lot of calls from people you know that go. I just want to vent because nobody's listening, and once they get it out, they feel better, and then if they want to talk about what's next steps, we do that.
Larry Zilliox:I have heard that people say that suicide is a cop-out, which is remarkable because if you ever talk to somebody who attempted suicide or really seriously thought about it, they will tell you right up it's all about the pain. They were just looking for a way to make it stop, and that, I think, is the key If you can offer something to that person to help them manage and take away the pain, that's really the whole purpose of it is to put a pause in that action for long enough to get an understanding of the help that they need and then direct them to the resource, which clearly is your organization. Give us that webpage again.
Bob Bauer:Okay, it's wwwgismrgodismyrockorg Okay.
Larry Zilliox:And I'm assuming there's a spot on there that they can press a button and donate.
Bob Bauer:Yeah, at the end of the page they can do that. But let me address something real quick before we cut off. When we're talking about suicide, one of the things I share with the people I interact with is I attempted suicide once and I was homeless for 11 months, one time living on the streets of Charlotte. What precipitated all this for me was I got out of the military because my father, who was 48 at the time, was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer. Prior to that, my marriage to my high school sweetheart had ended because she found somebody else, and you know that's a whole nother story. So, anyhow, over a two-year period of time I had lost friends in the military, my marriage ended and now my father was dying of cancer. I felt totally helpless.
Bob Bauer:I got off of active duty on a hardship discharge, come home and help my mom. I became a deputy sheriff and I got involved with another woman, as I call it. You know it was a perfect storm waiting to happen. Something happened with that relationship that I said I'm done. I went and turned in all my gear to the sheriff's department. I resigned and I left town.
Bob Bauer:I jumped on an airplane, I flew to Charlotte, north Carolina, where I didn't have a job, I didn't have money, I didn't have a place to live, but for 11 months I lived on the street. Now, granted, I had some really cheesy jobs. I worked at a nursing home washing dishes, and I worked there simply because I knew I could get a free meal I can tell you, when you get old, though, people don't season food, so it was a bad place to eat, you know, and they would let me do my laundry there. And then, on weekends, I drove this scrap truck where I made money doing that as well. So I wasn't basically panhandling, I was making my own money.
Bob Bauer:But I got to the point where I was hurting and I had nobody to talk to. And I remember I went to a clinic, complained to them that my back was hurting, so they gave me this whole prescription of muscle relaxers and one night, you know, sitting in the park that I was staying at, I popped them all and, as I tell everybody, I remember feeling my body shut down. I was in absolute pain. I just didn't want to go on anymore, because I was disengaged from everybody my family, my friends. I was living in Charlotte, I really didn't know anybody, and I could feel my body shutting down.
Bob Bauer:I remember laying down on the ground and as I laid there, flashback, you know, they say, your life flashes before you. Well, for me it did, because I saw the birth of my first daughter all over again, as though I was there. I watched myself fishing with my father, which was great memories. And then, the next thing, I remember somebody's yelling at me, big old light, you know over me, yelling at me. Do you know who you are? Do you know where you're at? And I remember thinking to myself you've died, you've gone to hell. And they don't have a clue who you are. And so then, a couple of days later, I woke up in this room in the hospital. The police officer had found me and drove me to the hospital he didn't call an ambulance Drove, explained to me what had happened and that's when I began to turn things around for me.
Bob Bauer:I basically was able to finish school, college, went on to get a law degree. I have two graduate level degrees, you know, and things like that. But the thing was is I was exhausted, I was tired. So that's the one thing I share with people when my vulnerability look, I know what it feels like. And so, when it comes to us reaching out to people to help them, you know we truly want to help them get out of that ditch, yeah. Or the old guy jumping in the ditch, sure. When we reach out for help financially to fund the different projects we do, I'm completely vulnerable. This has nothing to do with me. I've been blessed over these years to basically be healed from my soul wounds. I basically, you know the Lord has blessed me with an organization that helps other people. I found purpose for my pain and that's what I share with people when we're reaching out to help them or when we're reaching out for funding.
Larry Zilliox:Well, when it comes to funding, there's no reason why really help them avoid going into a spiral and seeing that the only way to end the pain is through suicide, which everything we can do to keep veterans and first responders from taking their own life is just something that we just can't avoid. We can not do it, so please visit the webpage and hit that donate button and give what you can to support the amazing work that they do. Bob, thank you so much for sitting down with us and talking to us and letting our listeners know everything that you guys do.
Bob Bauer:Thank you for asking me. I could sit here and talk to you all day about this, but I really appreciate the invitation.
Larry Zilliox:Yeah, For our listeners. We'll have another episode next Monday morning at 0500. If you have any questions or suggestions, you can reach us at podcastwillingwarriorsorg. Until then, thanks for listening.
