The one with author and cradle robber Tom Tracy

Love is in the air this week as Gavin and David discuss their VD, we list the top 3 reasons why Gavin should be fired from the show, and this week we are joined by author of the Scoochie & Skiddles series Tom Tracy who talks with us about why so many gay Dads are authors lately, what the worst and best parts of parenting are, and exactly how late Madonna was to her concert.

Questions? Comments? Rants? Raves? Send them to GaytriarchsPodcast@gmail.com, or you can DM us anywhere @GaytriarchsPodcast

Transcript

Gavin: 0:00

Thanks. And we'll talk at you again and again and again and again and again next time on another episode of Gatriarchs.

David: 0:11

That was the creative genius that you wanted to re-record for. That was that's what you spent time doing. And this is Gatriarchs.

Gavin: 0:34

So I see that's right. Happy Valentine's Day. You knew what I was gonna say already. Happy Valentine's Day, Gavin. I love you. Happy Valentine's Day to you, David. I love you. And to all of our listeners out there, we love you. Thank you for sticking with us. This is our first Valentine's episode, right? I think somehow we missed it last year. I'm sure we celebrated it, but I think no, I think we started just after, right?

David: 0:59

Didn't we start in March of last year? I think we're coming up on our one-year anniversary.

Gavin: 1:03

Oh my gosh, what are we gonna do to celebrate that?

David: 1:05

I don't know. We should have our listener over and maybe like make a cake or something. So, mom, if you're out there, come on over. And uh never not funny.

Gavin: 1:14

Never not funny, even if just to you and me. So, what is the best part about Valentine's Day for you? Let me give you a second as I tell you. My favorite thing is that when kids are little, the excitement of spreading Valentine's joy is so wonderful. And I love that they all say I love you. Like kindergartners and first graders. You know, what I mean is the boys say I love you to the other boys. And of course, I just mean that in the beautiful simplicity of it all, just the purity, you know? And then we grow up, and it's really just a day for everybody to feel less than because they see everybody on social media going over a board and you're and I'm sitting home thinking, oh fuck, that's right. It's Valentine's Day. Does it mean anything if I run out to Walgreens right now to get chocolate?

David: 2:00

I should have saved this for our top three this week, but I love how you ask me a question and it's like, don't talk. Don't talk. Let me answer the question I asked you.

Gavin: 2:10

You're right. It's it's my fatal flaw in podcasting. But at the same time, this for all of our listeners out there, we uh we do follow an outline, so we're not completely bonkers as we do this. And I this is a surprise question. And I didn't want to have to put you on the spot. So And also I just want to talk. Moving on to the next topic.

David: 2:29

Anyway, well, it's actually it's actually fine to move on because we look, I found my What is your favorite thing about my? Well, I was gonna say, well, my found my person because my husband and I are not at all, we don't care about dates or or holidays in that way. Like, so like our anniversary, for example, we had our 12-year anniversary. Woo! Cute this audience crowd noise. Uh-huh. A couple months ago. And we were in uh we're at a friend's house. Um, they were having a party. We were just literally in the kitchen eating, you know, pretzels over the sink or whatever you do at these parties. And and he goes, Wait, I think today's our anniversary. I was like, Oh yeah. And we went, happy anniversary, and that was it. And that is literally how we spend uh Valentine's, even like I'm not birthdays, but like we just there's solo stakes for us because we're pretty lovey and regular days. So I don't, we don't celebrate it, but I would agree with you. Like with the kids, it's really extra fun because they're so excited. Yeah. And there's there's nothing bad about just sharing love and saying I love you. And the thing about I love you is really interesting because I feel like that is a generational thing that has changed, which I really appreciate, which is like boys say I love you now. Boys say I love you. Like, I I have always been a very I love you person, but like it's not that's not how most people are. So I appreciate the kids are getting it right.

Gavin: 3:49

Yeah, I uh I hear you.

David: 3:51

Yeah, um, speaking of uh saying I love you, uh, my kid has done this thing now, which is really fucking creepy. And I don't know if you've experienced this. Okay, but so I have a four two-year-old, so they're kids, but like two-year-old is like basically a baby who can kind of talk. And, you know, she's like, Daddy, I want water. You know, she says that kind of stuff. Well, she has now learned my real first name, as my son knows. And so she does this thing now where if she's like, dad, dad, and I'm not paying attention, I'll hear from the other room, David. And I'm like, that is the most uncomfortable I've ever felt my entire life, is my two-year-old daughter screaming, David, to get my attention. So never teach your kids your real names.

Gavin: 4:37

I have wondered, yeah, exactly. I have wondered when our kids are gonna make the switch because my partner goes by Tatty, which was just a made-up name that my uh daughter made up really young. In fact, when I was starting to stress that she wouldn't have a name for us, and I'm like, I really think that we need to name ourselves. And my partner was like, I think she's just gonna figure out herself. And that day she figured it out, Tatty and Daddy. But I can't imagine a 16-year-old being at the at a high school field and being like, hey, Tatty. So, but maybe she will at the same time, you know. But I didn't realize my kids had such awareness of our names until very young when my son, I don't know, preschool, maybe even before preschool, was explaining to his friends I don't know, something about how I do something and and my partner does something else. And he he said, Well, yeah, because Gavin brushes his teeth six times a day, and Todd brushes his teeth seven times a day. Terrible example. But point being, he knew the difference between our names. And I was like, Oh, I didn't even know you knew our names. So, you know, they're the kids are listening. I'm more concerned about how much you're brushing your teeth, Gavin.

David: 5:46

It's not good. That's not good for your enamel. I'm worried about you. Um speaking of our listener, um, our listener Joe reached out to me and said that this week's uh This American Life, if you listen to that podcast, it's fantastic. Um, episode 823. Um, there's an episode called The Question Trap. And the cold open of that episode, he reminded me, was something we have discussed a lot on. And it was this gay guy, and he was saying that his family, when they were around, would be like, Oh, so like between you and your husband, like who's the handy one? Like we're referring to like, you know, fixing the toilet or whatever. Sure. And he was like, There was code. Like, who's the man? Like, who's the man in the family? It was funny because he was like, You guys have talked about this a lot on your episode. So um who is uh uh who is uh handy in your relationship, Gavin?

Gavin: 6:38

I mean, you know when you say it that way, there's only one thing I think of. That's for sure. I'm gonna think of what thing that I'm the one with the tools. Um shout out to Ira. I love that um uh I think Ira Glass should definitely be a that is his name, isn't it? Ira Glass. I mean, my god, I've listened to This American Life for 100 years, but I don't know that I've ever actually said. I can't wait. I can't wait for Ira Glass to come on and I don't know, set the record straight, as it were. Because somehow I do not think that Ira Glass is the one with the tools. And I know that he's married to a woman, but uh I want to know, um, hey, who's the handy one in your household, David?

David: 7:20

David, we're getting into a misogyny thing going on right now, which I don't appreciate.

Gavin: 7:24

Um, so um Isn't that misogy what is the male equivalent of misogyny? I don't know. Because misogynies hate for women.

David: 7:33

That's our that's a good drag name, misogyny. Yeah. Um uh like let's move on to some drama that's happening right now in the TikTok world. I don't know if you saw the drama that happened last week. No. There was um, I think his name is Will Powers. He's this guy, uh, a gay man who adopted a a child, a little girl, and she is black and he is white. And he basically put out a TikTok saying, Hey, uh black moms of TikTok, um, can you teach me how to do my daughter's hair? Like, I want to make sure I do it right. Well, uh, you say awesome. Oh no, but the internet came for him. Oh it's so funny. I I I I should have I should have made you watch it before we talked about this because I was curious about your reaction. So it's interesting. There's obviously a whole group of people who are like, Great, thanks for reaching out. Here's what you should do, or whatever, right? Because the the baby is literally a month old. Like it's like a baby has like baby hair, which is bullshit.

Gavin: 8:28

Sure.

David: 8:29

So I don't know, though. I would call baby hair bullshit, but anyway, people saying, like, there's just so but a lot of people were mad that he was saying, Hey, black moms, I need black hair, black this. And he, and then that is not really the that is the main source of drama, which we can be for or against. Okay, but the thing that made me really sad about it was the majority of the comments were like, that poor baby, I'll adopt the baby, as if this gay white man, really gay man, I think is the code we're talking about. Yeah. Should not be able to parent this child. But talking about like the question behind the question, people That's a nuanced one for sure. Anyway, it's an interesting draw. It was like people were reposting this and saying, What do you think? It was like a big thing. This poor guy, like uh I I think he probably had it in his heart to do the right thing and like ask the right real question. It might have come out a little stumbly, but oof.

Gavin: 9:23

It was I gotta say, my default, I would like to think, is um taking things as they're meant and knowing that, hey, if there were things that needed to be corrected in his language, perhaps, but it seems to me this was an earnest, yeah, pure sense of hey, I'm I'm looking to a village to help out here because that's what guess what? That's what parenting is. And I've been taking things as it's meant since 2002, really. So guess what? There is not that much. I mean, so you just mentioned in the news, I was uh scanning the headlines, as it were, and there really wasn't a lot of gay news to bring, except a bunch of like pop music stuff and like I don't know, rivalries between um Travis Kelso and Taylor Swift and Republicans and all the stupid shit.

David: 10:05

Travis Kelso.

Gavin: 10:06

I was thinking of Andy Kelso.

SPEAKER_05: 10:08

That's exactly who I was thinking about.

Gavin: 10:10

Shout out Andy Kelso. If you want to be a guest on the show, you certainly can be. I don't know you, but I know who you are. Yeah, yeah. Anyway, um, so but in the news, I will say there was something that was brought to my attention by NPR. Thank you very much. They were doing a report on TikTok journalists, essentially, and people who spend a lot of time essentially as an anchor on TikTok to bring news to people. Yeah. And so they the very first person they mentioned is Josh Helfgott, who is the gay news guy, and he does these really extensive um probing um news stories about gay news in the world. And it's very TikTok. I mean, I it's oh I yeah, it's overwhelming to watch him. I mean, there's a lot of TikTok energy there, but the guy is, you know, a journalist now. Like TikTok journalism, yo. I I suppose hard to fact check, but hopefully the the cream will riseth to the top, you know? Yeah. But since there really isn't any good gay news worth mentioning, um, I which is hopefully a good thing. There isn't any tragedies out there we want to talk about, thank goodness. Um, I thought, how about a dad hack this week? Yeah. How did you how have you how do you or how did you teach your kids to uh brush their teeth? Were did you have any secrets to doing it?

David: 11:22

I fucking hate it. It's it's just number two under putting your shoes on, where it's just like a a fucking fight twice a day, every single day, and it makes me crazy.

Gavin: 11:31

Or or six times a day or seven times a day.

David: 11:34

Yeah, exactly. I will say that I have for sure been a little bit of a uh dad fail on this, where like my son is just like never wants to brush his own teeth, he always wants me to brush his teeth. And I have basically obliged, and he's already four. And yeah, so um I still brush my kids' teeth.

Gavin: 11:49

Just you wait, David. Eventually they won't want that anymore. Just you wait. Well, how about did you ever try to just sing a song during it? No, but that's a good idea. I do sing a lot of songs. If you do, um, we did the itsy bitsy spider for some reason, and you would do the itsy bitsy spider. You would, you know, do the mouth in quadrants and teach my kids to go itsy bitsy spider. You get it, you know, and like every two lines you switch um uh quadrant of your mouth. And I think that I there are occasionally times that I can hear my kids humming to themselves as they brush their teeth still. Now, I would say they also they brush to this at the speed of light, so that itsy bitsy spider barely makes it down. Of course, the water spout, or certainly doesn't get back up. But you know, it's it's a nice memory there.

David: 12:33

Overtring so that's a good idea. Anyway, there you go. That's a good idea that I will totally ignore and just keep continuing to brush my. Sure. Yeah. Um, uh, let's uh move on to our next segment about failure, which is our top three list. Gatriarchs. Top three list, three, two, one. So this week's list um is my list because it wasn't supposed to be my list, but it became my list because you forgot to create a list. So this week we're doing top three reasons Gavin should be fired from Gatriarchs.

Gavin: 13:00

Interesting whether I don't know which one of us should start in this instance because since I am the topic du jour. Um Do you want to start? Yeah, I do want to start. All right. I do want to start. Okay, so for my top three reasons that I should be fired from Gatriarch, number three is lower the level of frustration in David's life.

David: 13:20

If you put your shoes on, I'm happy with you. If you put your shoes on when I tell you, I'm actually okay with you.

Gavin: 13:25

So the number two reason that I should be fired from Gatriarchs is I'm generally delusional about the value I bring to Gatriarchs, which is probably because I'm a white man. Unlike me, who's a whiter man. And the number one reason that I should be fired from gatriarchs is I am so good at being just good enough, which probably isn't actually good enough. Why are these so savage?

David: 13:54

Why are you so mean to yourself?

Gavin: 13:56

I uh they're cutting deep uh towards you as well. So I and also I needed to go savage on myself so that if you go any worse, you will feel tremendously guilty.

David: 14:05

No, you're gonna feel really shitty because I'm about to compliment you. All right, uh, top three reasons Gabe should be fired. Um, number three, he can tap dance, he should be doing other things. He is so talented. Why is he not doing things like that instead of bullshitting around on podcasts? Number three, he's too talented. Uh number two, he does not understand Google Drive. He cannot understand how Google Drive works, where to log in, where folders are, why not to type in a lot.

Gavin: 14:36

I spend all day long in Google Drive. All day long. But I will say templates drive me crazy.

David: 14:45

Okay. All right. And number one reason David should be fired, he should be a J Crew model. Do you know what I mean? Like middle-aged, but like handsome, like on a sailboat, but in the harbor, wearing a jacket, but like, do you know what I mean? Like, like that, he should be a J Crew model. There, he would get paid way more. He's too handsome for podcasting. So, number one, it should be a J Crew model.

Gavin: 15:08

I hope Mr. Crew is listening to this someday. And actually, um, we get to have our final, our first corporate sponsorship should be with uh J. Crew. I mean, we would both make great J Crew models, I would say, in our little Zoom squares here. All right, Gavin. What is next week's top three list? I want to hear your top three favorite moments in gay history. Oh. And did I think of that just on the spot? You bet your fucking ass I did. God damn it.

David: 15:39

All right. This week we are joined by a man who is a dad, uh, an author of the Scoochie and Skittles Inclusive Kids Books Collection. He's a clinical social worker and a self-described cradle robber. We'll get into that. Please welcome to the show, Tom Tracy. Hi, Tom. Hey, Tom. Hey guys, good to be here. Thanks for having me. Thank you. Now, I'm not being a dick. You told me you were a cradle robber. Dude. Please explain. So at this point, he left the room, and I was pretty sure he was super mad at me for calling him a cradle robber. And then we picked up the conversation here. Yeah, I was like, when you left, I was like, oh my god, what if he's like really mad at us for saying cradle robber? Um, anyway, um, welcome to the show. All right, yeah. Well, a hag, a hag, a hack, and old. You're old things. We are definitely welcoming, aren't we? But yeah, what we try to do in the show is really build up our guests and make them feel welcome. So you have somewhere to grow. Yeah. But what wow. Okay. Um, you're gonna fit right in here at Gay Charles, but welcome to the show. Um uh so tell us, um, what is Scoochie and Skittles? I feel like I'm getting where we've met a lot of auth gay authors lately, um, which may be just in the water, but tell us, what is the series about?

SPEAKER_00: 17:03

Yeah, so um the series is about my daughter and her cousin. Um, so I started uh writing stories primarily because um there were very few books that we were finding that really represented families like ours. Sure. Um and so it's really chronoling chronic chronicling some events and activities that my daughter and her cousin experience, but our family is represented. So I like to say that my books aren't necessarily, you know, they're not driving a gay agenda, right? Um, but there's the we are incidentally gay. So we we are a gay dad family and we appear in the books. Um, and other kind of background characters are also very diverse in nature. So they're intended to uh show that gay families like ours are pretty normal and boring. And boring, yeah.

David: 18:02

So boring. What people don't understand about the gay agenda is that it's cruising and brunch. That's it. We have nothing else on our plate. We have nothing else we want to do. There is no world domination.

Gavin: 18:13

We're not trying to recruit.

David: 18:14

Frankly, we're good with ourselves. We just want to look at hot guys and have like bottomless mimosas. Yes. With a bunch of bottoms. I don't get it. But anyway, yeah. Um I was gonna say bottomless. Wait a second. Yeah, exactly. So it it's interesting because we've we've interviewed quite a few authors on on the show, and what you've said is a very common theme, which is interesting. With like, I wanted to read books to my kids that they saw themselves or me in, um and and what what do that means, uh diversity and and race or whatever, or just family dynamics, which is what you're talking about. So um it, you know, you you hope more of these books become just like part of the normal kid canon, uh, which is I think what you're trying to do.

SPEAKER_00: 19:00

Yeah, totally. Um, so yes, I'd love my books to become part of the normal kid canon. That would be fantastic. Yeah. Everybody go buy one.

Gavin: 19:08

Um how soon into how soon into parenthood did you decide, you know what? I'm I'm gonna stop saying I should and just do it.

SPEAKER_00: 19:17

Yeah. So my first book I wrote, uh, my daughter, my oldest daughter was five. So five years into parenthood. Um, and it really was, I I mean, I remember the day that I got this inspiration. I was sitting in my mother-in-law's kitchen watching these two girls just run through the house, tear through the house, you know, toys everywhere. Um, just so much five year old energy. And um I just watched and I thought, there's the story that I need to write. Um, and so then I just started mentally kind of taking notes about how I would capture their experience and do it justice in the storybook.

Gavin: 19:54

And I what my burning question also, as I learned about looked into your books and your experience. Experience and whatnot is Skittles. And I assumed it was with T's, but it's with D's. Can you tell us why, where that nickname comes from? Well, it's with D's, so I don't get sued by the candy company. I mean, there are these are practical uh considerations you have to have when you're an author.

SPEAKER_00: 20:20

Yeah, that's right. Yeah, so um, so we'll start with Scoochie, who is who is my daughter. So that's the character Scoochie is my daughter. Uh, she got that nickname days after she was born, um, because she could not sit still in her or lay still in her in her crib or her her bassinet, and she was always you know scooching from one area to the next. So she ended up with the nickname of Scoochie. That works.

David: 20:47

Which is hilarious because as an infant, as a first-time dad, you're like, oh, isn't it adorable she can't sit still? And then cut to four years later, you're like, shit the fuck down. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 20:57

That's my two-year-old right now. Please just sit still for five fucking minutes.

David: 21:02

Oh, I can curse. Oh no, yeah, please. Oh no, we encourage all of our ugly hangout here.

Gavin: 21:06

Especially, especially when it comes to kids just fucking doing what you want them to do, which is either sit still or put your shoes on, or whatever the case, or just listen, because daddy's always right. Or anyway.

SPEAKER_00: 21:16

Or or let me finish a freaking sentence with my husband, please.

David: 21:20

Yes. Um, no, yeah, you should have no relationship with your husband. Like every anytime my husband and I like hug or talk to each other, our kids are like, we must break that up immediately. Oh, yeah. These gays should not be together.

SPEAKER_00: 21:34

Uh but uh to your other question, Skittles. Uh, I'll answer that question. Sorry. Uh so that just happened really organically. So Scoochie had been around, that nickname had been around for you know five years. And um, we were watching these two, and it was actually my father-in-law um during the same evening. He was like, Oh, look at Scoochie and Skittles. I was like, oh my God, thank you for the frigging name to my book. Thank you. Like just sealed the deal. But he doesn't get any writer's credit on that. Sorry. No, no writer's credit, no back end, nothing. Part of credit. Yeah. I'm not even going to tell him about this podcast.

David: 22:10

I don't want him to hear that he gave him acknowledgement. So so you tell us how you became a dad. Like, tell us what what playground you stole these children from.

unknown: 22:19

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_00: 22:20

Since you are on record as being a robber. Oh, yes, we haven't explained that, have we? But um, yeah, so we um we actually went the private domestic adoption route, um, so for both of our children. Um and, you know, the funny and nerdy story at the same time. Um, my husband and I had been married a couple years before we first decided to have kids. Um, and but we did not want this question of are we going to have children? Are we going to start a family to be the dominant question for us until we made that decision. So we landed on this very structured uh at the turn of the new year, you know, sometime in January, every year we would have the conversation about is this the year? And if the answer was no, that answer held us for an entire year. That was that was the rule of this conversation, and we didn't bring it up. So um, you know, got married, year one, answers no, year two, answers no. And then a couple years in, you know, we said, okay, is this the year? And we both kind of looked at each other and said, Yeah, we think it might be.

David: 23:38

Um, and then we just began our search in earnest about how do we create our family, which is really rare because I feel like a lot of people for big decisions will wait until the timing is right. And as we know, as parents, as homeowners, as car owners, there is never a right time. The right time is just do it, just fucking do it. So that's it's amazing that you guys kind of lined up on that. Yeah. And so for those of you who do, for those of us out there who don't know what private domestic adopt, what does that mean? Like why is that different than maybe another adoption?

SPEAKER_00: 24:08

Yeah, yeah, sure. So um private domestic adoption. So we went through a private adoption agency. So we didn't go through the state or through the foster care system. Um, so we bought our children, basically. Okay, wow. All the adoption advocates are now gonna scream at me and hate me. So but um Trust me, no, they don't listen to this show. They would never listen to it. But I will say that it it kind of felt that way. And we need to we needed to do the, you know, the the the conversation with ourselves throughout the process to say, no, we're not really buying a child. Like, like, you know, the but but that is you write a big check to an adoption agency, they then connect you or show your profile to um pregnant women um who then decide whether you are worthy enough to be considered. Um, and then you know, it's kind of like match.com. Um, and if there's a match, then there's a dating process and then you seal the deal. Um the story with our first, uh, our oldest daughter uh was really sweet. Actually, we were the first profile that her birth mom looked at and said, That's it. I found who I want to be my baby's parents, it's them. Get them on the phone. Um and it was, yeah, we connect it and we hit it off from the beginning. That's what it's meant to be, clearly.

David: 25:37

Yeah. And you know, but what you say about the big check, like we joke about it and we're buying our kids. But this is the this is why I like our show. This is why I like my own show, ego. Um, is that like we have to understand that like there this process of us becoming parents in whatever way we do, we did circus, you did private adoption. Some people had straight relationships. There is a practical element to it. There's also the romantic, like the child chose me and it was magical and we all hugged. But there is a practical aspect. We had to like, we had to go find egg donors, which like felt like also like match.com. We were purchasing genetic material, which is a fucking weird thing to do. So there is you you joke and we're joking, but like it, you yeah, when you adopt, you do have to pay money to somebody. Like that's not a free process.

Gavin: 26:20

There is a service that somebody has to be compensated for, it's just the practical reality of it. But let's not get hung up on silly details like that. Like what I'm doing is I'm bringing love into the world and making the world a better place. So you're welcome.

SPEAKER_00: 26:31

Yeah, a hundred percent. A hundred percent. Yeah. So we happily wrote that check. And, you know, no regrets. Um, you know, that was just the process we needed to go through. And, you know, we you know, in both cases, um, found um, you know, great biological families um to connect with um that and and we have fantastic children uh as an outcome. So look at that.

Gavin: 26:59

Yeah, totally worth every penny for sure. And we get to make jokes about how when they're acting out and you want to tear your hair out, you're able to be like, did that check clear yet? Maybe we can refer to that. Invoice them.

David: 27:09

Envoice those motherfuckers.

SPEAKER_00: 27:11

So I'll have to tell you, with with our second, um, she completely different first child is, you know, our first our oldest daughter follows the rules, wants to please her parents. Like, she's got this desire to be um, you know, at her A game. Our second child is if I throw my diaper at the wall, will you think that's funny? And I'll keep doing it until you tell me it's funny. Bitches, you're on my ride.

Gavin: 27:39

You are coming with me, and I'm the director.

SPEAKER_00: 27:43

And so there were times where we joked and said, Did we pass the the refund um stage yet?

David: 27:50

Like it is refundable. And it's so funny because that's such a universal experience. Like Gabin and I did gestational surrogacy, you did domestic adoption, but so many parents that I know that have two kids, yeah. The first one, my kids are the same. The first one is a little bit of the rule follower, a little bit of a fragile, whatever. And number two, our daughter is probably she's probably lit the daycare on fire at this point. Like she is pure chaos. And what is it about that? Yeah, I think it's because we as parents are we're our time is split between the two and they've got to kind of figure shit out. But oh my god, is the second kid always the nightmare?

SPEAKER_00: 28:24

I mean, just just this morning, just this morning, I I walked into our two-year-old's uh bedroom to wake her up, and she's hanging upside down on the side of the crib, and she looks at me and she's like, She said, I'm funny, right? Oh, Jesus Christ.

Gavin: 28:40

Well, to be honest, yes, it is funny. It is pretty funny.

SPEAKER_00: 28:43

I mean, I said I did say, stay there, let me take your picture before I got her off. Oh, yeah.

Gavin: 28:48

Yeah, oh yes, yes, yes. Oh, that's I've had so many moments of thinking this is really dangerous, but first let me take a picture real fast. But it's instagrammable. But it's instagrammable. So um you are obviously a best-selling author who's just reaping all of the benefits and the money is just flowing in, just you and JK rolling, right? Did you always want to always want to write kids uh kids' books?

SPEAKER_00: 29:10

Yeah, uh actually uh I did. Uh I was this guy, I was this this teenager who avoided gym class by writing stories and taking them to my guidance counselor. Oh um and he indulged me. Um so it was lovely. Come to find out he okay, he invited me back to his pool to do some skinny dipping.

Gavin: 29:32

Oh god, uh yeah. I you I could tell. Turns out the the the temperature in these three rooms changed right when you said tell some hot tea was about to be spilled.

SPEAKER_00: 29:44

Oh yes, yes, yes. Um, so at that point I started going to gym class because it was no longer safe to go to my guidance counselor. Wow. Well, all right.

Gavin: 29:55

So, but you nevertheless, it was an artistic outlet that you were um writing and using your imagination.

SPEAKER_00: 30:01

Yeah. Um, and it wasn't until my daughter, my oldest daughter, um, came into our family that I truly found the inspiration. Um, and you know, I'd tried my hand at writing some children's books before and they felt contrived and they just didn't feel like I was connecting with the audience. Um, and you know, now I have something to say. Yeah. And so um is that your day job? No, no, no. I have a full-time gig. Um, it is not, I am not in a line with JK Rowling. Soon soon enough. Soon enough. But um, if she wants to buy a couple hundred copies and uh promote them, uh yeah.

David: 30:40

Right.

Gavin: 30:40

In whatever controversial way she wants to share it, that's totally fine.

David: 30:43

She's like, gay shouldn't have kids, but buy his book, and you're like, oh, how do I feel about this?

Gavin: 30:48

So you're you are uh um you're a social worker, right? Um what I'm curious to know is obviously in that uh career path, I would imagine you're very tied into the emotions and the vibes of the people around you. You're rational, you're calm, you think things through calmly. Has fatherhood destroyed all of that?

SPEAKER_00: 31:13

Oh, can I tell you my if I could get my husband on this call right now or on uh uh on this interview, he would tell you that I overanalyze every friggin' thing that I do and I say, and I'm like, oh, I'm a shitty father. Why did they let me adopt? Because I said that shirt doesn't match, which resulted in tears, right? Like it's like, oh my god. Um so yes, having children has uh helped me to learn a lot about where I can uh improve my style. Um but um yeah, so no, I mean David, I get the feeling together.

Gavin: 31:55

I have a feeling you and I could get arrested for some of the things we say to our kids, but no matter how much Tom beats himself up about it, I'm pretty sure he really is a more rational being than we are. Probably.

David: 32:06

But here's the thing with like if you if the cop who shows up at your doorstep to arrest you is a parent, you're good, right? Because if you're like, oh, my daughter asked for waffles, and when I handed her waffles, she screamed at me and threw herself to the floor. So I said, fine, then starve. And I walked down the room, he'd go, nothing to see her, and he'd walk right away. Because he understands that there's so like I I say it all the time. My husband and I, I would, I would argue, definitely my husband, are the like like we never get upset about anything, or like whatever, who fucking cares? Just calm up. I have never seen two men about face and turn into anger-fueled monsters than us having children and our children refusing to put on their shoes. So I totally get it. Like the like it children can change you. But let's let's let's not talk about children. Fuck children. God, enough of the kids. They really when we were doing our pre-interview, you said you recently saw Madonna. What? And now I know Madonna that Madonna's making the round. So A, tell me everything. B, tell me everything. Go.

SPEAKER_00: 33:07

Okay. So do you want to know how late she was to the Philadelphia conference?

David: 33:11

That is the obvious first question that we have because she's getting in a little hot water starting so late. Especially because, listen, all of her fans are probably not in their 20s or 30s. That's so like we have a bedtime to hit, especially those of us who are their parents. But tell us everything, David.

SPEAKER_00: 33:27

Same reaction. I sat in that audience at 10 o'clock at night when the show was supposed to start at 8:30, and said, has she forgotten who her audience is?

David: 33:38

Like, I've I've been asleep for 45 minutes at that point. Do you know what I mean? Like, get the fuck on stage and sing Vogue and let's do this.

SPEAKER_00: 33:45

But she's Madonna, bitch.

Gavin: 33:46

She gets to do whatever the hell she wants, huh?

SPEAKER_00: 33:49

And the minute she hit the stage, I forgave her for everything. She ruled the stage. Um, and her stage went out halfway into the into the seating area. I'm so she and she owned every inch of that stage. And she did the hits from you know the the 80s to now, and and it was it was beautiful, it was an amazing show. Bob the drag queen MC'd um to get the uh get the crowd warmed up. And I've got to tell you, I mean, I've always been a fan of Bob the Drag Queen. Um, but um wow, didn't realize the depths of um his talent. Like amazing, amazing. Yeah.

Gavin: 34:36

What was your favorite number that stuck out?

SPEAKER_00: 34:40

Oh boy. Um I don't know that I have a favorite because I'm so old school. I mean, I just enjoyed all of it. I just want to hear like a prayer.

Gavin: 34:50

That's all. I am good. I'll see you.

David: 34:52

I'm a vogue. I'm a vogue. I want to see vogue. I want to see like how much of voguing she can do and how much people vogue around her. Do you know what I mean? All of those situations. Um, but wait, Bob the Drag Queen, are you following this like Bob the Drag Queen, Matty Morphosis internet drama that's happening back and forth?

SPEAKER_05: 35:09

No.

David: 35:10

Oh, finally, we have some gay news to share, apparently. Go, David. Evidently, Bob the Drag Queen came for Matty Morphosis in that like the way she did lyrics to a song, and then Matty Morphosis responded. Who is who is who who is this? Maddie Morphosis. You know, yeah, I don't know who this is. I'm gonna end this call real quick. I'm gonna just end so I'm gonna stop recording. Anyway, doesn't matter. Go on. Go on. So, Madonna, she was amazing.

SPEAKER_00: 35:34

Oh no, no, no, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. What's the drama?

David: 35:39

And then Maddie basically came for Bob by doing a song with lyrics, and they were like so fucking harsh. Anyway, there's a lot of back and forth between it's hard for me not to believe that all of this is just a really great PR attempt at a texting each other on the side. Everybody needs to do it.

Gavin: 35:55

Taylor and Katie to now Nicki Minaj and uh Megan the Stallion and all of them, yeah. Absolutely. Maybe you know what? Let's start our own rivalry. I hear that there is another podcast out there. We should go for another podcast. David, I've recently heard about some bullshit podcast out there called Tech It to the Limit. I mean, Tom the fuck on. So let's throw some shade on this stupid podcast about what is the topic exactly? A fun, comedic, informative approach to wait for it, healthcare IT.

David: 36:30

Come on. All right. So for those of you out there who have no idea what the fuck is going on, Tom, please let us on.

SPEAKER_00: 36:36

Yeah, so tech it to the limit is my husband's podcast. Um notice I'm not a guest on that podcast. Exactly.

Gavin: 36:47

So we know you've picked sides already.

SPEAKER_00: 36:49

You have picked, you have chosen.

David: 36:52

Oh man, there's gonna be hell to pay tonight. But what I love about your husband's podcast, which I have not, I'll be on, I have not listened to, but you tell me about it, and I was looking it up, is that like I love that podcasting is a pretty even play field, and people can be like, I want to do a podcast about healthcare IT. True. And all and there are people who are like, I want to listen.

Gavin: 37:11

It'll be like car talk. You know, David, we have uh we have listener by the ones. I bet he has he's already bringing in money, isn't he? He's already bringing in money, and we look down on it. But David, can we bullshit our way through a can we be guests on Take It to the Limit after we stop our rivalry?

David: 37:26

No, no, we would never be allowed on that show. That show is high level. High brow.

SPEAKER_00: 37:31

But Gabin, Gaiman, your your point is well made. I mean, car talk, I I don't know a thing about a freaking wrench or carburetor, whatever, but I couldn't stop listening to that. Love that show. Yeah, I know.

Gavin: 37:44

Yeah, there's a niche, there's something for everyone, that's for sure.

David: 37:47

So what like what is healthcare IT? Is it literally like how to log into your like website? Like, is that what they talk about for now?

SPEAKER_00: 37:54

Oh, so so they talk about, you know, health care healthcare IT is really enabling kind of the um, well, all well, anyway, I'm gonna do his commercial. We're already asleep. They talk about from things, exactly AI, you know, remote remote patient monitoring, so cameras, and and how they can do virtual nursing, and and all of that is all part of healthcare IT and how do we do it better with the technology that we have? Um, and he's fucking good at it. So that's great. Um he's a great person. We are gonna throw some shade. We are throwing some shade.

David: 38:27

So we got we got beef with the healthcare IT podcast.

Gavin: 38:30

We are coming at you, take it to the limit.

David: 38:34

So you and I live in the same state, the great state of New Jersey, um, opposite ends of the state. I'm just curious, like, what is the area you live in as far as like, are there a lot of gay dads or no gay dads? What's the the temperature like down there?

SPEAKER_00: 38:45

Yeah, yeah. So we're we're in South Jersey, um, and we're right outside the Philadelphia market. So, you know, our gay community is really across the bridge, um, to be honest with you. So if we if we wanted to get connected with uh, you know, uh uh let's just say that there aren't a lot of visible gay dads in in our community. So we go across the bridge um to um, you know, be more part of our community. We are there are some local pride groups um in the area, but um, you know, in our immediate uh neighborhood, we are the token gay dads. Um so you know, you'll find us at the bus stop. Um we'll be pretty easy to to to be recognized. We're the two guy, two two dads with uh two daughters standing at the bus stop. We're the only ones like us.

David: 39:33

I mean stands true. Yeah. Sometimes being the token is is a good thing because you get like you know coupons and stuff, but sometimes it's a bad thing.

SPEAKER_00: 39:40

Well, we get a lot of attention, which is which is great.

David: 39:42

A lot of attention, a lot of love. Yeah. So it's fun. That's nice. Um, so uh we always wrap up by asking the same two questions, which is what is your favorite part of parenting and what is your least favorite part of parenting?

SPEAKER_00: 39:55

Um let's do least first. Um, so it's a talk. Um one would think that when I reach into my pocket and find multiple tissues full of snot, um, because my two-year-old is like snot monster, that that might be the least favorite, um, but it's not. Um probably my least favorite. Uh to be honest with you, we talked about it before. I I would love to finish a freaking sentence with my husband just once um and not have to start a topic and finish it three hours later after the kids go to bed. Um I mean, try podcasting with Gaven is what I'm saying.

David: 40:35

Like it's the exact same thing. So anyway. All right, what's your favorite part of parenting?

SPEAKER_00: 40:40

Um, favorite part of parenting. So I'm just a big kind of goober at heart. So all of the proud kind of heart swell moments. So whether it's, you know, getting a little hand in my hand or um and just holding hands with my daughter, or you know, my oldest is learning to roller skate. And uh I couldn't be there last week, but I was watching this video that my husband took, and she has learned how to jump and twirl and dance on her roller skates, and I almost just like broke down and cried. I was just so proud of her. So I mean, those are my favorite moments, the ones that just make your heart swell.

Gavin: 41:17

Yeah, the simple ones.

David: 41:18

Yeah, that's great. Well, that is very sweet. Um, thank you so much for joining us. If you would like to buy his books, I assume Amazon is the place that people are going. Scoochie and Skittles are the name of the book collection. Um D's, not T's. And go buy a hundred million copies so Tom Tracy can be the next JK Rowling and can be his own problematic man. And tech it to the limit.

Gavin: 41:39

You're bullshit and we're coming after you. We hate you.

SPEAKER_00: 41:42

Nice. Thanks, Tom. Guys, thank you so much. This has been a wonderful.

Gavin: 41:48

So something great happened just today. I normally don't drive my kids to school, thank goodness they take the bus. But um, you know, occasionally I drive. And so I drove this morning, and my daughter was on the perfect quiet morning vibe with me, which usually I have to tone her down a little bit. Like, yes, I am loud, but in the mornings, can we all just talk softer? Anyway, we were in the same vibe and we ended up having a conversation about cancel culture, which was super interesting, and we were just connecting as as uh kind of grown-ups, and you live when you have a tween or a preteen, you just live for those moments that you're just able to connect with your kid in a give and take situation, and it was something great and it was all brought to you by morning quiet time. What about you?

David: 42:40

Um, so my again, my everything I talk about is on TikTok, but um, it's been a very TikTok-heavy episode. If you are on TikTok and you have not seen this, I I pity the fool. There is a man, his name is Oliver Richmond. He prior to this video I'm about to talk to you about, he was just kind of a regular guy. He's a composer, musical theater kind of stuff, and he would just sit in front of his piano and make a songs up. And he's doing this challenge this year. I think I thought it was like 24 days of new songs, but I think he's changed it to 365 days, where like every day he writes and it's like you know, a 30-second to a minute mini song or whatever. He wrote a song about Hucksapani Phil or whatever his name is, like Groundhog, right? Right? And he wrote this little kind of Stephen Sonnheim-ish clip of a song from Phil's point of view. It has broken musical theater. And what has happened is he wrote this beautiful thing. It sounds like a Sonnheim song, the way he's kind of written it, but then famous like big names have duetted with him and written the girls' part that he never wrote in Genius. And what's happened, people on TikTok have been using that and then writing her song in act two. And basically, a brand new Brownhog musical has been born out of TikTok, and it has been fucking amazing to watch because A, this guy is really talented, he's getting a lot of visibility. B, it is like what you want the internet to always be, which is like joyful and additive and not collecting.

Gavin: 44:13

Not one-upping each other, but building together.

David: 44:17

Building and and this guy is just like, I don't know, the groundhog has this like very dark song that's like Sunheim, and somebody's like, Yeah, but what if the the girl was trying to break up with him and then oh yeah, well, what if there's this other? And it was just this like beautiful creation. So if you're not on uh groundhog TikTok, uh his name is Oliver Richman, and all you have to do is google that name.

Gavin: 44:38

I cannot wait to finish off this recording so I can go down that groundhog hole. Wow. And that's our show. If you have any comments, suggestions, or general compliments, you can email us at Gatriarchspodcast at gmail.com.

David: 44:54

Or you can DM us on Instagram. We are at Gatriarchspodcast on the internet. David is at DavidFM VaughnEverywhere, and Gavin is at Huxiconic Bill on nothing.

Gavin: 45:04

Please leave us a glowing five-star review wherever you get your podcasts.

David: 45:08

Thanks, and we'll compose with you next time on another episode of Gatriarchs.

SPEAKER_02: 45:14

You can have the fame of Phyllis. I'd give a ball fame. You can have the overbearing stairs, the noisy crowds, the wally shadow, and the shame of Phyllis. But don't pretend you want this. Don't be so naive. I'll say these words again and again, but by then you're bound to leave always.