The one with actor Tuc Watkins

This week, David can't help himself and does a double rant, Gavin receives a text from his husband listing the top 3 things that are most annoying about him, and we are joined this week by actor and President of the good hair club, Tuc Wakins, who tells us the story of his journey to parenthood while being inside the dome of Hollywood, and lulls us with the gentle tones of lawn care.

Questions? Comments? Rants? Raves? Send them to GaytriarchsPodcast@gmail.com, or you can DM us anywhere @GaytriarchsPodcast

Transcript

Gavin: 0:00

I am doing all that I possibly can to uh to bring Oh man.

David: 0:07

I was ho I didn't know if we weren't gonna get a cold open. I was I was worried we weren't gonna get a cold open today and you just ask and ye shall receive.

Gavin: 0:16

And this is Gatrix.

David: 0:31

I'm starting with a rant. I'm starting with a double rant. And I'm just I'm just what's new? I'm too old. I'm too old for this. So I have been a banking customer of Wells Fargo for 20 years, maybe. I don't know.

Gavin: 0:46

It was like not where I was expecting you to go today already, but okay, let's just go to Wells Fargo.

David: 0:51

Get ready for like the like the most nuanced old man argument of all time.

Gavin: 0:55

Yeah, get off your lawn.

David: 0:57

I get corporate stuff, right? I get when you call the help desk of somebody, they have to, they have a script they're following or whatever. It annoys me a little bit because I just I just want to talk to a person and I want to tell you the thing I need, and you're gonna tell me how I get it, and then we just end the phone call. I I I just I just want us to have the relationship that we both want out of this. So I get that, but I also get that you know they're required to say things. Wells, if if any of you out there have banked with Wells Fargo, it is so over the fucking top. It is, I will not go into our bank because it makes me so uncomfortable. So what I mean is I do a lot of because when I play poker, I'll do cash transactions. So I have to go into the bank to do this. And you go in and you're like, hey, I'd like to make a deposit for you know a thousand dollars. They're like, Great, how's your day going? Great, thank you. Not working today? I'm just I'm I'm yeah, I'm just at lunch. Oh, great, cool weather, right? You got any plans for later? I swear to God, Gavin, that is the interaction. And I know it's required of them because every time I go, no matter who it is, there are three or four questions that beget a little personal. So my husband and I had to go into the bank to like open a new account because you had to be there in person. And the woman called me before and she goes, Hey, this is I don't know, I'll say Gavin. Hey, this is Gavin from Wells Fargo. I said, Oh, hi, how you doing? And I said, Is this to confirm my appointment for tomorrow? And she goes, Yeah, how you doing today? I'm like, girl, I don't know what you think this relationship is, but it is strictly, are you coming to the appointment tomorrow? Yes, I am. And then we get there, and she's like, it's just question after question of just like empty bullshit. And it's I I am okay with a how you doing, or isn't it crazy windy today? But that's where I want you to stop talking and I want you to just tell me business. I was, I was, I want to crawl out of my skin, and I know it's old of me, and I know I'm old man, I know I'm winky. But does anybody else have this experience with Wells Fargo?

Gavin: 2:57

Listen, what is most apparent to me here is that you are a New Jerseyite in this story because you are apparently Wells Fargo is taking all of its personnel training from the Midwest because that conviviality is that's how the rest of the world is, except for the No, but is it but is it friendly at the top?

David: 3:16

And then we just are friendly is different than like, hey, tell me your blood type. I'm like, girl, what are you what are you doing here? Like, but it's it was I remember one time somebody being like, hey, no working today. I was like, what does that matter? Right.

Gavin: 3:29

Why are we and why it it's also super presumptuous to be like, oh, uh why do you think it looks like I'm not working? Because I'm a man or because I'm because the only fence server is down. What are you talking about?

David: 3:42

Like, anyway, I'm an old man.

Gavin: 3:43

I do think that's it. This is super New Jerseyite of you, not necessarily old man, but I would say that false uh false uh charm and false corporate uh friendliness does grate on me big time. And the same thing goes for whenever I'm on the phone with customer service, and they just have to go through so many rigmaroles of like uh they they have such a scripted response to, oh yes, I understand your situation. Yeah let me see how I can help you. And I'm like, just speak like a human being.

David: 4:14

That's what I'm talking about. It's it's literally the personification of I hope this email finds you well. I don't need that part of it. I don't need you to start the email. Just say you owe us$500, and here's what I said in the check. That's all I need. Anyway, I'm I'm I'm just there's nothing, no point to this.

Gavin: 4:30

I just I was gonna say there there is clearly no point to this, but I'm gonna try to bring it back for this our very bored listener, thinking, what are they talking about? What does it have to do with parenting? But seriously, what does it have to do with parenting where you're like, I just here's another thing. I just want my kids to be kind and try hard in life. In the end, I just want them to be kind and try hard.

David: 4:50

Just don't, I just don't want my kids to work for Wells Fargo. That's the only thing I want in life. But um, I'm also gonna complain about something else that is very parenting-related, but it's not really a complaint, it's more of a overview or something I've noticed. But definitely a double rant.

Gavin: 5:03

Double rant.

David: 5:04

It's a double rant. So my son is really getting into rainbows and unicorns and fairies. And you know what? Listen, what what what that means, we all know. But there's just like he's starting to really ask for like, I want the pink cake, I want the red, he loves rainbows. So my husband and I are like, you know what? Let's let's do a sweet thing and let's order him. He loves rainbows and hearts. So I was like, he likes zipper hoodies, like his dad. So I was like, listen, let's get him a rainbow hoodie with hearts on it. So then we go on Amazon, we're like, rainbow hearts. The the amount of gender separation between what rainbows are and what trucks and stuff like we couldn't find anything in a quote unquote boy size or everything that was rainbow was girl zipper hoodie. And it was so funny how like we really even on Amazon, which has arguably everything for sale on the world, yeah, there is you can't find a boy's, and first of all, the fact that it's separated by gender, you know, that's another conversation. But it was just a it was real my husband and I were like, wow, this is really weird. We can't find anything that's not purposely being driven for girls that has rainbows on it from for boys. PJs, he wanted Elsa PJs. There's no boy Elsa PJs. Well, right. And I get that that's simply in the name.

Gavin: 6:19

It's just it's just in the name, though, also the label, right? I mean, and it it explains girls' pajamas, right?

David: 6:25

It'll say girls zipper hoodie, girls rainbow zipper hoodie. Yeah.

Gavin: 6:28

What if a little pop-up comes up when you hit click and you put it in your cart and it says, but is this for a boy or is this for a girl? You think, wow, there's a they're really double downning on this. Um and you click on boy and it goes faggot.

David: 6:41

And you're like, whoa, whoa, Amazon.

Gavin: 6:42

Whoa. Well, it is interesting. I actually thought that there was more of a push in the last couple of years to unisexualize the um oh god, that was not a term that we should put out in the I mean it it it may be. I mean, there may have been, but it's unisexify um the the uh the clothing because Target has tried or pretended to do so, right?

David: 7:03

So But I think Target is is the seller versus Amazon, which is just a reseller. So it's like Amazon is not really controlling the titles of these captions. But it was just an interesting view that I've never like seen as a cisgender male who's generally into boy things, except legally on the musical. Um it's never why is that a girl thing? Listen, I don't know.

Gavin: 7:22

You are part of the problem, David. I am part of the I am the problem. It it it does not need to be so gendered. I mean, we absolutely put these uh expectations on genderizing everything, and it's absurd because that's like the third made-up word you've had in this episode.

David: 7:42

So, anyway, that's a double rant. But you know what else is terrible to listen to?

unknown: 7:46

What?

David: 7:47

Our top three list.

Gavin: 7:48

Gatriarchs, top three list, three, two, one. This week's topic is the worst qualities about you according to your heart. Husband. I almost said husband or partner, and I said heart, hearts, heart, hearts, heart, hearts nens, your heartner, your heartner and worst qualities about you according to your heartner and hard on. Uh, and I want you to know that I'm reading this cold. Texted my partner earlier today and said, give this to me. And he's like, Am I going to get in trouble for this? I said, No, no, no, no, no. It's totally fine. We're in a safe space.

David: 8:23

Reading it cold. I cannot believe, guys, this is a big deal. I read it. I do. Send it to me right now. I'm gonna read yours. I because while you're doing that, I want to tell. I consider when you told when you suggested this, I was like, There is no way in hell my sensitive ass will ask my husband what these are. Because no matter what they are, I will be hurt. So I was like, I'm writing this list. And I told him, he was like, Yeah, no, no, that's I want to stay married to you. We're gonna say this. This is very exciting, though.

Gavin: 8:51

I am not kidding. I have not read this at all, and I just took a screenshot and sent it to David, and I heard the ding as it came through. So you get to read this.

David: 9:02

All right, so I want to say that he started this text thread by saying, You have more good traits than bad. Oh. So that's very sweet. All right, right? That's very sweet. But with that, uh, I don't know what the order of these things are. You can order it however you want. You can do it on the fly. I have faith in you. You teach improv. Here we go. In number three, you overpack the washing machine with too many clothes. Nothing gets washed that way. True. How do you feel about that? Is that true?

Gavin: 9:32

True, absolutely true. All right, absolutely true.

David: 9:34

Uh uh number two for Gaben, you don't turn the coffee machine off after using it. It keeps just making that heating sound every three minutes. Annoying. He said every three minutes, dot dot dot. Annoying.

Gavin: 9:47

But I leave it on for him because I'm generally up before him, and I make coffee. We have a Keurig, which don't get me started on that because our previous coffee machine was perfectly fine, but he had to get a Keurig, so I leave it on for him because I cause. All right.

David: 10:02

All right, and number one, the number one thing that most annoys your husband about you. Uh you badger the kids to do things, reading, practice, piano, chores, to their frustration, and then you keep going. So not knowing when to quit. Wow.

Gavin: 10:21

He is ice cold. And he is 1,000% correct about that, especially that last one. I actually didn't realize that I overstuffed the uh washing machine. I he's never voiced verbalized that, but okay.

David: 10:36

But now he has on national radio. God, our listener is just lapping up the drama. Um, so that was fantastic. So I'll go for my top three traits that I think are annoying to my husband. I refuse to ask him.

Gavin: 10:51

Wow. I I I have so many thoughts about your relationship now, but anyway, go ahead.

David: 10:55

All right. So uh in number three, when I am like in my phone, like if I'm texting or emailing, the rest of the world does not exist. I can't hear my husband screaming, I'm on fire 10 feet away from me if I'm looking at an Instagram comment. Something about that phone just pulls me in in a way that fucking infuriates him. Um number two, always looking at myself in the mirror and hating myself. My husband catches me do that all the time, and he gets so mad at me, A, because he thinks I'm beautiful and wonderful the way I am. Duh. And also he's like, don't let the kids see you hating yourself every time you cross something.

Gavin: 11:35

You do, you do need to start loving yourself a little bit to set a good example for your kiddos.

David: 11:39

That's for sure. I do. That's true. And the number one, I think most annoying thing about me to my husband, I drag him to open houses that we can't afford every single weekend. Every single weekend. I'm like, I want to look at this house. He's like, How much would this cost us? I'm like, just 10,000 a month. He's like, David, on what fucking planet can we afford that? And I'm like, no, we can make it work. And I make him go to open houses every single weekend.

Gavin: 12:07

Do you bring the kids also? Is this another example of um your activities? Um, inappropriate activities for kids. Oh, whoops, wait a minute. That's next week's topic, but oh shit, that's right.

David: 12:18

Yeah. It's fine. Oh, yeah.

Gavin: 12:21

Our listener understands.

David: 12:22

So sometimes, sometimes we bring the kids and sometimes we get a babysitter. But I literally am like, no, no, no, we're gonna buy this house. He's like, David, this house is$10 million. We have$11 in our bank account. What are you talking about? So that's my most annoying quality, I think, to my husband.

Gavin: 12:38

So will this be a topic uh for another top three list sometime when your kids would say the same thing? The most annoying thing about daddy is that he drags us to something called an open house.

David: 12:50

No, because they get to play in these houses, they get to just like explore these fucking cavernous giant homes with big yards and you know, yeah.

Gavin: 12:58

And see how the other half lives. Okay. All right. So, what is next week's topic?

David: 13:04

Next week, I want to know your top three non-traditional places to bring a toddler just to run around.

Gavin: 13:12

Kind of like an open house.

unknown: 13:15

Yeah.

Gavin: 13:16

So our next guest needs very little introduction beyond the fact that he was named by Soap Opera Digest their most entertaining male character. Not only is he a big-time actor, a big-time daddy, a big-time zaddy, he's also got the sexiest name to ever grace the Gatriarch studio. Welcome, Tuck Watkins. Wow.

SPEAKER_01: 13:42

What an introduction. Can I just lead off by saying hi marks for the title?

David: 13:49

Yeah. Wait, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

SPEAKER_01: 13:51

Really? It's hi marks. I I I love a I I love a pun. And it sort of names itself, doesn't it? Totally. It really does.

SPEAKER_00: 13:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 13:59

Yeah. It's like nothing, nothing but cakes. I love that.

David: 14:04

Well, yeah, we're not. That's my grinder handle, nothing but cakes. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 14:08

The hand job nail and spa. It's a real place, by the way.

Gavin: 14:12

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. That's not a surprise in the slightest bit. So tell us, uh, how have your kids driven you bananas today?

SPEAKER_01: 14:20

Uh I unfortunately am a Swifty now.

David: 14:25

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01: 14:26

Relatable.

David: 14:26

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01: 14:27

I know where this is going. I never saw it coming. Um we uh my daughter plays DJ on the way to school every morning. Yep. Um my son allows it and I just sort of allow it. And uh, I don't know if you are aware of this or not, but she's got a new album dropping, the Tortured Poets Department. I even know the name of the album. Um, I've I've really grown to like her music. Hey, own it. My my boyfriend says that is so basic of you.

Gavin: 14:59

All right, well, but uh I I have to say it was a very big morning for us very early this morning, too, is my daughter. Uh first of all, she said, Will you wake me up at midnight? And I'm like, No, because I am not going to wake up at midnight to listen to it. But I did end up getting her up. She's a middle schooler. We were up uh well before the sun and another hour ahead of that. So at 5 a.m., we were there listening to um the yeah, yep, listening to the album and talking about the Chelsea Hotel and Patty Smith and Dylan Thomas and um, you know, beating the city.

David: 15:32

But at least you guys are being forced to listen to a great musical artist. I'm still in the blippy era. I have to listen to I'm an excabator every fucking morning right now. At least you get to listen to real music.

SPEAKER_01: 15:46

Yeah, Thomas the Tank Engine is very triggering for me. Because I would listen to that stuff at 4 a.m. when the kids when my babies wouldn't sleep. Yeah. And it was, it's hor it's it's it's uh it's it's like torture. Yeah. Yeah.

David: 15:59

It's amazing those little it's amazing those little things that like can bring you back to the painful part. Like I I've said this before, but like there's a light at my neighbor's house across the street that I used to stare at at like three in the morning while I fed my infants. And it just every time I see that light out of context, I just kind of shudder and thinking about waking up for the fifth time that night.

SPEAKER_01: 16:18

Daniel Tiger, parents come back. Ugh.

David: 16:22

Pronups come back.

SPEAKER_01: 16:24

Ding ding.

David: 16:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 16:27

The worst. You survived it.

Gavin: 16:29

Yeah. You will.

SPEAKER_01: 16:30

Yeah. You will survive it, David. You get to the other end.

Gavin: 16:33

Yeah. And so everything is like totally hunky-dory and easy now as a dad, then, right? Oh, absolutely.

SPEAKER_01: 16:39

I'm nailing it. Uh people are writing articles about me. I'm being invited on podcasts because uh I'm just really at the top of my game.

David: 16:48

Tuck, getting calls from CPS is not having articles written about you. I hope you understand the difference. Okay.

SPEAKER_01: 16:55

They are articles.

Gavin: 16:58

Any press is good press. So uh so then uh tell us, take us back. How did you become a dad?

SPEAKER_01: 17:07

Uh I uh uh first of all, uh I always knew I was going to be a dad. It wasn't that I wanted to be a dad, I always knew I was gonna be a dad ever since I was young. Um so it was more than a desire, it was just what I knew to be true. And when I was younger, I didn't know how I was going to become a dad. I knew I was gay, I didn't want to get into a relationship that wasn't true. I thought, how am I gonna do this? I um thought about uh adoption, I thought about fostering. I started um I first heard about surrogacy in the 90s. I I started keeping a file on this place called Growing Generations in the 90s. And um and uh I uh it was in a 12-year relationship when I was uh late 30s into 40s. Um he and I talked about maybe doing it together. Um he was more along the lines of, well, if Tuck you want to do this, then I guess we'll do this. And I thought, hmm, that's not how you have kids. And um he and I did split up. That was not the reason we split up. Um we're we're still friendly, um, but we did split up. And at that point, um, the only thing I knew, I was 40, I think 45 at the time. The only thing I knew for sure, I didn't know if I still wanted to be an actor, and I didn't know if I wanted to live in LA or all I knew was I was going to be a dad now. And um uh Desperate Housewives, which I had been on for a while, the that place afforded me to um to build a house that I thought was going to be the house that I raised my family in. Um and so when that house was complete, I had I had no money. And so and so I had to sell that that house in order to engage with a surrogacy agency, which ended up being Growing Generations. And uh and then me and my kids lived in a tiny rental. So so we did not have the the the gorgeous English country house with the two-story guest house and the pool that I built. Uh we had a uh a tiny little house, and it was perfect because I had my kids.

David: 19:17

Yeah, and when they complain about like, why don't we have a big house? You're like, baby, look in the mirror. You're the house. This is the house right there. Yes. You're alive.

Gavin: 19:25

Yeah, it's all your fault.

SPEAKER_01: 19:27

Yeah.

David: 19:28

So you did surrogacy. So you did so tell tell us a little about justational surrogacy and kind of.

SPEAKER_01: 19:32

Okay, so yeah, so I I I thought sir, I think surrogacy is for me uh the the idea that if if I could see myself or my own children selfishly and egotistically, I just felt like that would be wonderful. And um, so I um um I know you guys talked to Stuart Bell recently. Uh I've met I met Stuart Bell of Growing Generations at Growing Generations. Um and he uh and his company matched me with uh I thought I would get to choose my own surrogate. I thought it would be like online dating. I I would get to go like, oh, I could choose my own surrogate. That was not how they did it, and I balked at that at first. Um, and they said, no, we will match you with someone that we think that we think is right. And I was like, okay. And they did, and they were absolutely right. I met a wonderful woman and her husband. I didn't really consider the husband when I thought about and didn't consider him until I met him, and he was also lovely. Their three kids were lovely. We still called them our Texas cousins. We that's fantastic. Um uh so I got matched, and um, it was not a perfect process, uh, it was a very expensive process. Yeah. Um, but um uh about a year and a half later, I I had my kids. So it's so my answer was surrogacy. And it was twins? Yes. Well, the first uh I was aiming for one initially, but I have a younger sister, and she and I have always been really tight. And I I kind of wanted a similar situation for my kid, and I thought, how am I gonna have my second kid? And after going through the the expense and the uh you know, I thought surrogacy would be more fun. It's it was actually full of a lot of anxiety and and like, ugh, it was very difficult. And so when the when the first um transfer didn't work, uh the second transfer, um we train we transfer more than one, and I thought, well, if I end up having twins, uh I'm okay with that. And so was my surrogate, and so was our fertility doctor. I thought, well, if it happens this way and I I just happen to have two at once, then then that's that's how I'll do it because I don't know if I could go through this again. It was really draining in a lot of ways. And and um uh I uh she two took. A boy and a girl took. And so I had both of my kids at the same time. And um a lot of it's been a lot of that was really hard. The first five years were actually really hard for me. So the first five years were hell. Whenever I thought about being a dad my whole life, I I didn't realize until they handed me babies that I never thought about anyone younger than five. Yes, we talked about this.

David: 22:15

Uh we talked about this on uh a previous episode where men in general, when they imagine being dads, it's like a five-year-old. Yeah, they never think about babies.

Gavin: 22:23

Kicking a soccer ball to somebody who can theoretically kick it back, not diapers.

SPEAKER_01: 22:29

And and and that, not to be reductive about it, but it and it's not so much the oh a man in sports, we that's how we uh you know communicate. But there was something about um it's it was just more in my wheelhouse, interacting with with kids, with children, as opposed to babies. And I've met a lot of um, this is sort of a blanket statement, but I've met a lot of women who loved zero to five. And when they started becoming kids, they're like, Oh, I miss my babies. I did not miss my babies. I loved having my kids. Uh-huh. Um, but but but yeah, those first five years were were really hard.

Gavin: 23:06

Yeah. And you were a single dad in Hollywood with twins. And uh, but tell us about how um you you you came. I like you didn't have your journey documented in the press. You made an announcement about um all aspects of your life, right?

SPEAKER_01: 23:26

Uh are you talking about when I came out on the Marie Osman show?

Gavin: 23:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 23:30

I can't believe that. I am. Well, hey, everybody's got a story. What ding dong comes out on the Marie Osman show?

David: 23:37

Um This ding dong.

SPEAKER_01: 23:39

Well, so so so yeah, I uh I was on Desperate Housewives, and Kevin Rom and I played the gay couple on Desperate Housewives for a handful of years. And near the end of that show, his character and my character, we were trying to have kids. And in real life, I was a single gay guy trying to have kids, but I wasn't talking about it, I wasn't telling the cast or anything because I I if it didn't work, I didn't want to, you know, I just I just wanted to do it privately.

SPEAKER_00: 24:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 24:07

Um, and so you know, life was imitating art. And then when my kids were born in December, um, and I was invited to be on the Marie Osman show to talk about nonsense. Um I I I I I thought uh this is what I want to talk about. And you know, you know, people and and so that's technically where I came out. But you know, coming out is a really weird thing because uh people will say, well, why aren't you out? or or um uh why didn't you come out before? Or why did you come out so late? You you can't come out if you're a you know an actor. You can't come out publicly unless you're given a platform. And I hadn't really been given that many platforms. This is not that's not to say that this is my my excuse, because for a long time I didn't want to be out for sure, because I was an actor in the 90s and I wanted to play straight parts, I want to play a game, I want to play everything. Um but uh I think a lot of people get um uh to taken to task for not coming out, but it if you if you do an interview just to come out, it looks like a publicity stunt. Yeah, and that doesn't really serve anybody. So so there I was on on Marie Osmond, and I was talking about my having my kids, and just it just it just felt it just felt right. And it just felt like the time. And I thought, my kids don't need a dad who's dodging questions and and stuff like that. So um that was the first time I really talked about it, I guess, publicly. Um even Marie Osmond said, Is this the first time you're talking about this publicly? And and I thought, I I don't know, maybe I don't really do I feel like I want to say that. And I heard the producer in her ear say, ask him again. And and she said, But is this the first time you've talked about it, you know, in public? And I said, Well, you're the first Osman that I've told. And the audience laughed and she looked at me like, yeah, I'll get you.

David: 26:03

But that's the thing I think a lot of people don't realize about Hollywood when they think, like, oh, people coming out, not coming out. There is kind of two parts of you, right? There's there's you as the person, and your friends know you're gay, and and then and that's you're not out, you're out. There's no in or the closet, but there is a public version of you that's mostly you that is crafted, and you have agents and PR and people, and there are times where they're like, you know, if you want to keep playing straight parts, maybe just you know, and you're like, well, I'm out as a person. We all know people in Hollywood or in Broadway who are publicly straight and privately gay. And it's not that they're not out, but they're not out as their actor persona. And it sounds like that's the position you were in.

SPEAKER_01: 26:40

I I was, and I kind of I kind of used that to my advantage, I would have to say, up until 2013. Fortunately, I think we live in an era where you really don't have to do that anymore. And I've I've it you know, I've never played more straight parts since since I came out. I I mean I've I've played a lot of gay parts in the past when I was in the closet. And now that I'm I've been much more vocal about who I am as a real person, um I'm recurring on two different shows right now as as straight people. And straight people are boring, to tell you the truth. I love playing the gay parts that I've been afforded to play, but you know, it's it's a it's a weird journey. Everybody's got their own journey, and um, that's just part of my story.

David: 27:27

Gavin, you're muted. He's so bad at this talk. He we we are we are this is episode 63, and he's and he still just doesn't understand Google.

Gavin: 27:36

I mean, I guess I was I guess I was polite enough to turn it off when I coughed, but I was just gonna say, it does seem like you've been blessed in your career to play a lot of zany, looty, fun characters, right? I mean, you've got matinee idle looks, but you got to be the funny guy an awful lot of the time, right?

SPEAKER_01: 27:54

Uh yeah, you know, my first big job was on One Life to Live, a soap opera, One Life to Live, and and I was hired to be this cool, mysterious guy, and I tried doing that. I tried being cool and mysterious, and there were 20 other guys on the show who were also cool and mysterious, and they were so good at it, and I tried to be cool and mysterious, and I just I was just I was unremarkable. And if you're and I but I love being on that show, it was super fun. And I thought if um if I can't find my place on the show, I'm going to lose my place on this show. And after being there for about a year, I um I accidentally uh uh fell down the stairs when I shouldn't have. And everybody laughed and I was humiliated. But that's when um something clicked uh for me, and this cool, mysterious character I was playing, uh, I realized he's not a cool, mysterious character. He thinks he's a cool, mysterious character. And so he became sort of this idiot. He was sort of um, if James Bond had an idiot brother, it was it was it was this guy. And that really opened a door for me, and um it it it carved out a different color on the tapestry than that others weren't doing. Yeah, and um, so I sort of found my place doing that. So I think part of that um is sort of helped me not get pigeonholed as, oh, he's just a guy on on soaps, because what I was doing there was sort of atypical for for what they do there traditionally.

Gavin: 29:21

And it did give you longevity because you can get pigeonholed as being a soap actor, uh, but you burst through that for sure. That's great.

SPEAKER_01: 29:29

Well, I think less and less now. I think we're we're held less and less to our previous projects because of because of streaming platforms, because people can make their own product. Um, but yeah, I I think that has gotten a lot better so people don't have to be so worried about what their last job was.

Gavin: 29:46

How has parenting um helped you in your career?

David: 29:50

Or has it just totally destroyed it? Or destroyed it?

SPEAKER_01: 29:53

I thought it would help me more, honestly. I thought, oh, I'll be that I'll be that single gay guy that has kids, and that'll make me unique, and that will make me a commodity, and the offers are gonna start pouring in. It didn't really it didn't really happen uh that that way. How is it making it?

Gavin: 30:10

Have you tried to turn them back in then because they didn't help your career?

SPEAKER_01: 30:13

Yeah. No, that expiration date passed.

Gavin: 30:17

Um well, you know what? What in all sincerity, has it made you a better actor being a dad?

SPEAKER_01: 30:22

Uh I I I I don't know. What I do think has made me a better actor is being an actor as long as I have. Um I I think I think I think it was Killian Murphy who recently said that someone told him it takes 30 years to make an actor. And I I think that it's not necessarily true, um, because you have kids who win Oscars and stuff, but I do think um age experience, uh failure, more failure than success has made me um uh a more grounded actor. I now play the I now play the older guy. Um I was I was never the older guy in a in a in a show or a play or a movie, and now I play the older guy, and somehow that feels um it feels uh it feels it feels more right. Um but I will say uh this uh I'm working on this Hulu series that um Dan Fogelman, the guy that did This Is Us, he's got this new series called Paradise City. And I and I'm I'm recur recurring on that show. And I have to do a scene that's very emotional at one point. And I no longer this is gonna sound terrible. I no longer have to think about my dog from college dying to make myself sad. I I have something much closer to home now that if I think about losing that thing, it's it's right there. Yeah, and it's not really fabricated, it's it's it's very prescient. Yeah. So in that way, I feel like I have more access. I have more access to all of my feelings. Yes, it's so true.

David: 32:00

They're all right under the surface. Like I tear a bobcat's head off with my bare hands when my toddler won't put his shoes on. And I'm like, oh, I never had that access before. That's wonderful. So if you're out there struggling as an actor, have children. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01: 32:15

It makes everything, it makes your acting, makes your auditions easier.

Gavin: 32:18

Yeah. Yeah. Um, you have been on a rather unique journey also um in in sobriety that you have brought up with me. And I would love for you to uh tell us a little bit about that if you wouldn't mind.

SPEAKER_01: 32:31

Well, uh let's see. Um, like I said, I always wanted to be a dad. I I always thought I would be a good dad. Everyone around me thought, oh, Tuck, you're gonna be an amazing dad. My family thought I would be a great dad, my friends, and I absolutely thought the same thing. And then I had my kids and I panicked. Um, I was overwhelmed. Um, I was doing it on my own. Um, I wasn't working as much as I wanted to. I was living on savings, and I was here with these two kids, and like I said, at four in the morning, listening to Thomas the Tank Engine, sing those horrible songs. Yep. And I thought, wait a second, what what happened? And um uh I poured booze all over it. I I started drinking to Coke. Um and um uh so I realized I I need to stop drinking, but um honestly I couldn't. It was really hard, and I knew I needed to get sober and I wanted to get sober, but I it it just wasn't it wasn't taking for me. And so, you know, I I started a recovery program, and um uh and and unfortunately I I I was able to get through that and and become a sober person. I've been sober for five years and some change now, and um uh thank goodness because I used to when I was trying when I was trying to stop drinking, I would think, well, at five o'clock when I've gotten through my day, yeah, and uh I need to like how am I gonna unwind? I'm so wound up. How am I gonna unwind? And it was kind of a trick question because the truth is when I finally did learn how to stop drinking, and I did stop drinking with some time, what I found was I I don't get wound up. I go through really hard stuff and it's frustrating, but I don't need to unwind anymore. And it's it's and so I think um you know drinking the way that I was was actually winding me up more than my kids were, than what I thought was winding me up. It was actually the way I was living. Um and and and so uh you know, being able to get through that the stuff that's hard, and at the end of the day, I I don't feel like I need to reach for anything. And my goodness, what what a what a great gift that is. But what I also say to you know, people when we start to talk about sobriety, sobriety is very serious. I'm still fun. I still I still love to have fun. My friends and I still have fun. Um I I haven't become I I don't feel like I've become you know the kind of so what sobriety was to me before I was sober was like I don't know, I don't know. Let's keep that over over there.

David: 35:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 35:08

And um when I first got sober, when I before I got sober, I never considered I would never consider dating someone who was sober. I just felt like I don't think that's for me. And now and then once I got sober, I kind of felt like I don't really want to date anyone who's not sober.

SPEAKER_00: 35:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 35:25

So it's been a great, it's been great for me. And that it was really hard. It was one of the it was it was harder for me to stop drinking than it was to get through the hard times with my kids. But once I was actually able to do that, it's it's pretty terrific on this side of the film.

David: 35:41

Well, I'm curious as to what you think about Gavin, because Gavin is not sober and also not fun. So I'm curious as to what the solution is there.

SPEAKER_01: 35:50

Could you imagine if you were then if you if you remove the alcohol, he's he's less than nothing.

David: 35:56

Even less. Yes.

Gavin: 35:57

I get fired from the podcast every single day.

David: 36:00

And literally before you showed up, I texted him. I said, You're fired. We just recorded another episode.

Gavin: 36:07

Luckily, as long as I have alcohol jokes to be able to make, whether or not they're true, uh, I I have them. Even if I am sober, I'm still gonna make alcohol jokes.

David: 36:15

So now I still I still sorry, I still I was just gonna say, I still really I I I've never dealt with, I feel like, uh alcoholism in the way that maybe you have, but I definitely struggled to quit smoking. I was a cigarette smoker for about 10 years. And of course I started because I was doing a show where they had a weight restriction and you couldn't you couldn't gain more or lose more than five pounds, and I panicked. And so I started smoking to curb my appetite. But I remember having to quit smoking and how fucking impossible it felt. And I was like, this must be what it feels like. Because like alcohol to me, like take it, I could not drink for six months and forget that I didn't drink. Like it just, but but cigarettes hit me that way where I was like, I it I it and then when I was when I had quit and I was finally done, I remember at the year mark feeling like, oh, the problem was the solution, like you're saying. We're like, oh, I I don't need that cigarette to unwind after a meal anymore because the cigarette was making me need the cigarette, right? Like I need that nicotine was the withdrawal was what the thing that I needed to cure. So yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 37:16

And smoking is fantastic. I loved smoking, it was so wonderful. Smoking is so good, and it's it's too bad. It's so horrible and disgusting and deadly because it's one great, it's great for all the kids listening.

David: 37:30

Smoking's solid. It's not A plus. Don't start.

SPEAKER_01: 37:34

Just don't start. Deadline.

David: 37:36

Tuck Watkins says kids should start smoking.

unknown: 37:38

Yeah.

Gavin: 37:39

So you have been a single dad for a long time, but you are also right now in a relationship. And I'm curious, how often does your boyfriend just like screw it all up?

SPEAKER_01: 37:52

Um less and less. Um yeah. Um so so yeah, my my boyfriend, his name's Andrew Reynolds. Um, he and I met doing a play on Broadway where we played boyfriends and then we became boyfriends. And um, it's been a really interesting journey. And um how does he screw it up? He screws it up. He screws it up because like when we go on vacation, he thinks buying souvenirs for my kids is just like a rite of passage. It's it's not a it's not a privilege, it's it's your it's your right when you're on vacation. When we go to movies, he buys all the candy, he buys all the popcorn. No limits. That's just what you do. So um that's that's where he kind of ruins all of it.

Gavin: 38:42

Does he ever get have they ever said they prefer him to you?

SPEAKER_01: 38:46

They've never said it, but but it but it is intimated when we walk into any store or when we're when we're going somewhere where you can get something, suddenly um the alliances shift.

Gavin: 39:05

That makes perfect sense, and I'm not surprised in the slightest bit. So thanks for screwing it up, but I'm glad he's doing it less and less.

David: 39:12

Gavin, is that is that the hot lawn guy that's that's going to be like now?

Gavin: 39:16

That's Tuck's phone.

David: 39:18

He I oh that's Tuck. Okay. Yeah.

Gavin: 39:21

I believe Tuck has both been in an airplane and on a riding lawnmower in this conversation, but we love it. Because his hair is so great. So, um, what about um those horror stories from back in the day when you think when I am an old man in diapers, I will never forget the time when my toddler I I r I I have flashbacks of I remember going through twenty diapers a day with twins. Oh my god, you did twins. Ugh.

SPEAKER_01: 39:49

There were there and there were twenty. I I I went through three different diaper genies. You know, the diaper genies that specific trash can that we I wore out the spring. And the plastic, I went through three of those, but the the the really sort of um more difficult or humiliating, not humiliating, but trying was I got a call when my daughter was in third grade, I got a call from the school saying, um, look, we know you're a gay dad, we know you're a single gay dad, but your daughter is telling people that her mother's dead. Oh, oh, and I thought, oh no, I failed because I I pride myself about trying to talk to my kids about difficult issues, pregnant or surrogacy, what being gay means, what being allergic to alcohol means, all that sort of stuff.

SPEAKER_00: 40:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 40:41

And so I after school I picked her up and and I said, I said, look, I I I understand you might be having a hard time talking about, you know, that you don't have have a mom, and you know, Soromelissa is your surrogate. She loves you so much, and our Texas cousins that come to visit us, and we have so many great women in our life. She's like, No, no, no, Daddy, I I I'm fine. Um, I I just hate answering all the questions about surrogacy. There's so many questions about surrogacy. I just say she's dead, and people stop asking questions.

David: 41:12

She's a genius. She she found a shortcut.

SPEAKER_01: 41:14

She's like, I got this. So once I realized she was fine, she was just shorthanding it. Um it was okay. It was okay. So I that's good. So she's not she was not damaged, she was just clever.

David: 41:30

She's a clever girl. I mean, that's incredible. That's what you want, right? Um, so a follow-up to that, and this is a question we ask all of our guests: what is your favorite part of parenting, and what's your least favorite part of parenting?

SPEAKER_01: 41:42

I think my favorite part of parenting is uh I have a profound sense of contentment that I didn't used to have. I before I had kids, things would make me happy. Getting a great job, a boyfriend, uh a vacation, things would make me happy. And if I if I had something that I liked, then I then I was happy. But as a dad, I just find that I I feel profoundly content. And I know that sounds sort of like a Hallmark card, but uh I am so happy just just being around my own kids. And you know, I I had a really good friend, um, Roger Howarth, he and I worked on a soap opera together, and he the piece of parenting advice he gave to me when my kids were really young was he's like, just be present. You don't have to play the game, but be in the room while the game is being played. And I have used that advice, and I have really run with that, and I find it to be so true that if I don't want to play payday, I don't have to, but sit on the couch and read my book while they're playing payday. I think really, really pays off. So I think the best part is I just feel I feel content so much of the time, and that's such that's something that you can't really buy. Um the worst part, I I do this thing, we we probably all do this, but I think me in particular, because I had my kids when I was 46. I do this thing where I sort of flash forward and I think about all the things that I'm gonna miss because I will have passed and my kids will still be alive. And I I get I get all emotional and sad about like will I see them have kids and I and I want to. And so that's difficult. It's kind of wistful, but what it does in a really positive way, I do live my life a little bit differently. I'm so glad I stopped drinking. Everything's better with I mean, I heard a doctor once say, no one over 50 should really be drinking any booze anyway. The whole myth about red wine and the heart, it's kind of a BS. Anyway, um, I do eat better. I do exercise differently. I exercise to be healthy rather than big and muscly like I used to want to be. Um and I um I I don't thrill seek. I have no interest in skydiving or bungee jumping or any of that stuff. Um because I I just want to be around to see as much of whatever my kids are up to as I can. And that is sometimes it's a melancholy feeling.

Gavin: 44:20

Yeah. But it's a true feeling for sure. Yeah. Chuck, thank you for bringing that truth to us and um all of the uh the fantastic zaddy vibes that you bring.

David: 44:34

Yeah, yeah. Please send thanks to the the lawn care service next door that's been joining us. Right at the end of the interview, he stopped.

Gavin: 44:40

That's fantastic. Well, we would never ask you to demean yourself twice by being on our stupid little podcast. So thank you for being here once. It was fantastic. Thanks.

SPEAKER_01: 44:51

It's really nice to meet you guys. Um uh I I'm going to go listen to every all 65 episodes of Gatriox.

David: 44:58

Please do. And you're gonna notice the theme is that Gavin ruins things. So this is not unique today.

unknown: 45:04

No.

SPEAKER_01: 45:04

Tuck, you're the best. Thanks so much. Yeah, it's just really nice talking to you.

David: 45:09

So my something great is something great, but also really a gift to you, Gavin. Oh. So we were reached out to by um this woman, Sam, at a new podcast called Baby Ready, which um we should all subscribe to. And she wanted to interview me. And I was like, oh, that's kind of fun to be interviewed. And so I went on her show and she was lovely and we talked. Um, and it was wonderful too, because shockingly, people listen to the show. I still can't believe it. But she was like, as she was introing me, she was like, and my favorite part is their something great segment. And I always look forward to their top three segment. And I was like, You really do listen to this show, um, which blows my mind that we have even one listener, let alone thousands. So anyway, so that was my something great. But then on top of that, after we recorded and we were talking, she goes, and you know, one of my favorite things that I did not fall asleep to, and I actually was really into was Gavin's stats on gay people and their marriage, and I didn't fall asleep. And I was like, he is going to love. She was like, I was I was driving somewhere and I had to pull over and I stayed in the car because I wanted to listen to all the stats he was reading because I was very interested. And I was like, he is going to love hearing that. So that is my something great. It's my gift to you. Everyone, please, Sam at Baby Ready Podcast. Thank you so much for interviewing me and giving Gabin this gift.

Gavin: 46:30

I think um, listen, I had so many things lined up to talk about my something great here, but I just love that Sam loved data. So I think I'm gonna say talking about nerdy things like data and research is my something great because it it simplifies everything and helps us understand things from the similar perspective. So yeah, I'm gonna go with data and Sam and compliments towards me. Thanks for passing that on, David, even though I kind of feel like you went and had a podcast affair on me, but that's cool.

David: 47:00

I did have a podcast affair on you, and it did hurt me considerably to give you that gift of a positive affirmation.

Gavin: 47:06

I hope you were thinking about me the entire time. I was. And that's our show. If you have any comments, suggestions, or general compliments, you can email us at gatriarchspodcast at gmail.com.

David: 47:18

Or you can DM us on Instagram. We are at Gatriarchspodcast. On the internet, David is at DavidFM FawnEverywhere, and Gavin is at GavinLodge on LuckySet.

Gavin: 47:28

Please leave us a glowing five-star review wherever you get your podcasts.

David: 47:33

Thanks, and we'll compliment you next time on another episode of Gatriarchs.