Gaytriarchs: A Gay Dads Podcast
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Gaytriarchs: A Gay Dads Podcast
The one with Jason Daley Kennedy
This week, Gavin's kid isn't leading the pack, David's kids need trash on the table to eat, we rank the top 3 generational traumas we want our kids to experience, and we are joined by actor, writer, and founder of “Meditation for Assholes" Jason Daley Kennedy who talks to us about his 3 kids, how get got into wellness, and sets David straight as to which asshole he was writing about.
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Hey guys, so normally we start our cold opens with, you know, Gavin fucking up something or some disaster happening. But I just received a voice mail from former guest of the podcast, Lorian McKenna, and it is borderline perfect. So I figured this is the only way I want to start the show. So here goes.
SPEAKER_00:I just want you to know what an awesome parent I am. I just lost my shit in the car on the way to school and called Lindsay an asshole. Um, so I'm pretty good. Um, if you want to get any parenting tips from me uh on how to raise a psychopath or to emotionally alienate your kid, uh just let me know because I feel like I'm experts at it.
David:And this is Gatriarchs.
Gavin:So I was recently on a plane all by myself. As we know, that's daddy's number one spa treatment, right? And it was fantastic. And I um ordered a drink, big surprise, watched a movie, et cetera, et cetera. But I was found uh dumbfounded by how much it is so hard for me to focus on a plane. Now I love plane time, especially now because I can just do what I want to do, right? And I just get to do whatever the fuck I want to do. So I wanted to watch a movie. So I started to watch Bros, the movie. Have you seen Bros? I have seen Bros, yeah. I mean, it's so heartwarming, so charming, so titillating, just dirty enough. It it's totally entertaining. Everybody should watch it, but not on a plane, necessarily. But then I think I'm having a double standard here. Like, I suddenly got super embarrassed. I didn't finish the movie. The first sex scene, I'm like, oh my god, other people are watching me watch this movie.
David:Because is it because like a flight attendant walked up to you and said, sir, you're fully erect? Do you need a blanket? And you're like, no, thanks, it's not that cold. And she's like, take the fucking blanket. So 23E.
Gavin:No, thank God. But adjacent to that reminds me of that. I find it also very difficult to ever focus on my own movie in a plane because all I want to see is to what 22D and 22F are watching. Yeah. I cannot. And I don't think it's a good one.
David:Even if it's just like where the plane is, it's way more interesting.
Gavin:Totally distracting.
David:Oh, it's 224 at our landing location. Cool.
Gavin:Oh, wait, oh yeah. Oh, wait, what are they? Oh, what are they watching? Maybe it's more interesting than what I'm watching. I mean, there's so much FOMO in watching a movie on a plane. I just want to have seven screens going at the same time. And only one of them should be X-rated adjacent uh sex scenes, which then bringing it back to bros makes me think if I were watching, I was gonna say Titanic and the sex scene, but that's obviously whatever. That's sex from 1994. But like, if I were watching a straight sex scene, I'd be like, whatever, dude. I'm watching sex on a plane. But it I felt self-conscious watching bros. Isn't that ridiculous? I need to get over my own inner inner um uh homophobia, I suppose. But anyway.
David:The headline, Gavin, is Gavin Lodge watches gay porn in public.
Gavin:I mean, that's basically what you just and also also goes down an intellectual rabbit hole about what it means to watch gay sex in porn in public and also watching other people's movies. Um that's that's I mean, there was there were all sorts of things there.
David:Anyway, speaking about watching what other people are doing, uh, my children who are four and two um are in this having this new great game at dinner time and breakfast time, which is she's looking at me. And here's how we play the game we sit down at the table and we start complaining about whatever food dad made, and then we start crying and screaming because the other kid who sits directly across from the kid is looking generally in their direction. Looking at me. So this is stop looking at me. Uh-huh. Exactly. Stop looking at me. She's looking at me, he's looking at me, tears, tears, tears. And I have basically given up. And so now what is required of me, we have like a uh, we always have like a paper bag in this corner of the kitchen that is for our paper recyclables. So now when we sit down to dinner and I'm setting the table with forks and napkins and plates, I now have to set the dinner table bag of trash in the middle of the table to create a barrier between my two children so they won't scream and cry at each other. So I have just totally given up because I was like, you know what? Fuck this. I don't want, I would like to eat dinner apiece. So now we eat dinner with a bag of trash on the table, and that's how I the headline for this section is well, you just gave it.
Gavin:That is um totally relatable, though. I was definitely in that mode, and frankly, it still happens. I mean, the fact when my kids get annoyed with each other, it quickly spirals into a stop talking to me, stop talking to me, stop looking at me. She's looking at me, dad, or he's looking at me, dad. No, usually it's she's looking at me, dad. And um, and yeah, it's uh this is a universal theme. Do you think that this went on in like 1776 with like John Adams and his children sitting at the table being like, he looked at me? Or were they a little more like the British are coming, we only have potatoes to eat?
David:No, they were just exhausted from plowing the fields or whatever they were doing. So I think the kids didn't have the energy legitimately, and they were dying at 26. So they didn't have much time to complain, honestly.
Gavin:Yeah, they were already at work when they were ages four and six. And so, uh, but this is definitely a 2024 uh princess problem that uh is totally universal because it was true for me in 2014 as well. Speaking of putting trash on the table between kids, um, that was a perfect segue to uh something else I wanted to bring up and rant about. Isn't it? Isn't it? Thank you for set teeing me up for it. I was recently talking to a friend, uh a group of dads, about kids and their chores. And not that I don't have enough things to go on around the house, but so often I'm like, could you just oh Jesus Christ, just let me do it myself. It'll be faster and better. And I need to do be better about making my kids do the shit, even if it's a shitty job that they're gonna do. But anyway, we were talking about um chores, and I'm trying to think, how do we get into the summertime with more chores for my kids so that they'll be, you know, more grateful for how much I do for them. And one of the dads says, Well, my kid does his laundry. And I'm like, your kid is 11 and he does his own laundry? I mean, that's like kicking your kid out of the house a little bit. I was impressed with that. My kids would have a total meltdown at doing laundry. Do do you plan on having your kids do the laundry when they're 11?
David:I was just thinking, like, when did I start doing laundry? I did, I never did a load of laundry, and then I went to college, and then I paid the laundromat across the street from me to wash and fold my laundry, and it would come back in like a square.
Gavin:And yeah, that square is so satisfying, though. So satisfying.
David:I've never I've never felt better in underwear. My balls have never loved being hugged by 100% cotton than what it's you know, perfectly in this like parallelogram. Yes, but I I don't think it was till after I graduated college. So I this is I I I'm a terrible person for this. This is embarrassing. This is really embarrassing.
Gavin:To all of our listeners out there, don't follow our lead. Do not do as David does. But this is embarrassing. Please continue to embarrass yourself. That is embarrassing that you didn't do laundry until after college. Oh my God. But I I thought it was embarrassing enough that my mom basically, as a parting gift to me when I went to college, was teaching me how to do my laundry.
David:Honestly.
Gavin:Yeah, well, it it isn't rocket science. And yes, an 11-year-old can definitely operate. I mean, Jesus, my kid operates basically flight control systems from his iPods.
David:Could iPads could literally launch nuclear stubs. Yes. But yeah, yeah.
Gavin:Yes. But anyway, I mean, I just made me feel like, and this is a dad who I doubt he listens, but I would love it if he did. Um, I I this is not a guy who brags about his kid at all. And it was just like a matter of fact. But I'm like, this is the same sense of shame I feel when there were other parents on the playgrounds.
SPEAKER_02:For me, five, oh my god, almost no, no, five, five, eight years ago, where they're like, yeah, my kid is doing trigonometry now, or we found some gamification of high-level algebra.
Gavin:I think, oh, Jesus Christ, nobody fucking cares that your kid already reads at an eighth-grade level and they're in second grade. Keep that business to yourself.
David:I love your elitist parent voice. That's really good character. You should keep that in your back pocket. That's really good.
Gavin:Well, it is definitely the humble bragging of trigonometry for five-year-olds is uh 11-year-olds doing their laundry, but maybe I'll try that out this summer and I'll report back.
David:So, you know what's also annoying? It is having a two-year-old and a four-year-old when they're playing games. So that the two-year-old, my daughter, is only wants to do what my son says. So if, like, I say, hey guys, I have Play-Doh, who wants green and wants red? My daughter will say, I'll want green. Emmett will say, I want red. And then Hannah will go, I want red, right? It's always whatever he wants, whatever he says. So when we're playing games that are intellectually appropriate for him, she wants to join. The problem is, is that she doesn't know how to play these games because she's too and stupid. Yeah. So now I've got to play this game with her to try to be fair. And it's so annoying. So we were playing hot versus cold. So, you know, hey, I'm thinking of an item in this room. And then he walks around. We say hot, warmer, getting warmer, you know, that game. Yeah. And so she's like, I want to play. And I'm like, okay. And then I start saying hotter, cold. She has no fucking concept of what's going on, but she's so desperate to play. And I feel so bad because if there was a camera on my face, my face would have melted, and I'm just walking through it until it's his turn again. And I feel terrible because she wants to play too. And there's so few games that both of those two kids can play at the same time.
Gavin:The gap between two and four is gargantuan, as is the gap between, I don't know, 10 and 12. And um, I mean, there are certain gaps though that are really, really wide. But that does remind me of speaking of like trigonometry for speaking of wide gaps. Speaking of trigonometry for I mean, this does have a point though. I think that um well, I tried to get baby Einstein the shit out of my kids and thinking like, oh, this game, what, shoots and ladders is for five to eight year olds, but I bet my two-year-old can do it. There's that voice again for you. And I would get the games that were age inappropriate and try to like level up, and ultimately it was like, nope, this is too fucking hard for them. Why am I forcing this? It actually creates more pain in the acidness than it does like stimulation. So, like, it's tough. Those age-appropriate levels are actually pretty accurate. And if your kid is already doing trigonometry, good for fucking you, go listen to another podcast. So, speaking of another podcast, what won't you get on another podcast is dad hacks. Actually, I'm sure there's plenty of podcasts out there doing dad hacks, but whatever, fuck them. You're listening to this one. So I um have started looking at a little bit of dad hack um uh advice from other dads. Some of it, well, basically it's all the same, honestly, but some of it is truly bullshit, and sometimes it's actually kind of interesting. I'm gonna give a shout-out to a guy with a blog called Year of the Dad blog. Blog, I know. So how 2003. No. Well, this was from 2019, and it is a blog that doesn't look like it's around anymore. So sorry, bud. Hope life's still good for you. But it was the first thing that came up when you uh Googled dad hacks, interestingly. And I did like two of them that he had, which were sunscreen. We've probably already talked about this. Make sure with a toddler you put on sunscreen while they're strapped into their car seat. Because then, well, uh for obvious reasons, that's a good dad hack, I thought. And then also he suggested opening up a Gmail account for your kid or having an email account and emailing them uh periodically throughout their lives. And so then when they're, you know, when they uh actually check their own email at age, well, you know, five, if your kid is already reading at an eighth grade level and doing trigonometry, but 13 for the rest of us, um, they already have a whole bunch of messages from you. And um, who knows what kind of time warp that can be. So how very sweet.
David:You know what's not sweet? Our top three list.
Gavin:Top three!
David:Gate triarks, top three list, three, two, one. So this week I think it's your list, yeah?
Gavin:Yeah, it is. I want to know what are the top three little childhood traumas you want your kid to go through to, you know, grow up and be good people. Okay. So for me, number three is getting called out for stealing by a store employee.
David:Good luck. You recently had this, didn't you? Sure did. He's still doing it. We're still finding little things. And we found last night our babysitter came over and we found that she he had taken her chapstick and hid it in one of his little cups. Oh shit. So yeah.
Gavin:Yeah. You just need, I feel like you need one store clerk to be like little kid, and you as a parent, you like shove that kid into the store clerk's face. Totally. And you get them called out for it. Um, number two, getting caught badmouthing a friend. Oh, like getting caught red-handed, I think it's a lifelong skill um lesson in knowing what it feels like. And I, this was totally I had a non-friend, a frenemy, and I were bad mouthing a friend. The frenemy then three-way called me because it was 1980. Oh my god. 1990, and then had me repeat what I said, which was bullshit. I might have like, I don't know why I was saying, I was trying to impress the friend of me, and the friend was actually on the phone as I badmouthed the friend saying that I hated this friend. And I believe, but I have never by the way, we are still friends today, not the friend of me, fuck that person. Um, but we are still friends today, and um, I learned from that process for sure. Number one, um, get caught cheating. Get caught cheating early, learn from the lesson, don't do it again. Um, I got caught cheating uh embarrassingly. Oh my god.
David:Do I really want to on your like if I can be a podcaster exam? That's not how you cheated.
Gavin:I got caught cheating in high school because I thought I was too good to memorize the names of the Supreme Court. So I had a little cheat sheet on just their names. That's just their names uh in a in a civics class. Like it's not that it's not that difficult to memorize those names, but it it's not easy either, especially when you have just, you know. Anyway, point being, I never did it again because holy shit was I embarrassed and uh shamed and shamed and shamed. Um I will just give an honorable mention also to being betrayed by a friend. It sucks, but you need to be betrayed by a friend, but um, that's a childhood trauma. And then you move on from it.
David:What about you, David? I feel like the through line here is obviously like uh learning lessons and also learning that like there's life on the other side of these childhood traumas or whatever. Okay. Well said. So for me, and number three, I want my kid to have a really bad sunburn. Now, I get that will increase his chance of uh skin cancer, but I feel like you don't really take the sun very seriously until you have that one just miserable can't sleep for days uh sunburn, and then you start taking it seriously. Um number two, uh, I want uh my kids to get back together with their ex one time. Because I feel like uh the two times in my life that I've broken up with somebody and then been like, oh man, I miss them and I wish I could be together with them. And I did get back together with them later for whatever reason, I'm like, oh, this is why we broke up because this doesn't work. This doesn't work for whatever reason, because I'm a piece of shit, because you're a piece of shit. I think you gotta you get to because then you because it stops you from romanticizing what could have been. You're like, it wasn't gonna work. Yeah. Um and number one, my I hope my kids shit their pants in public. Because there is nothing more humbling and nothing more human than being in public, not having anywhere to go, and you just going. And you realize that you know what, we're all humans and we all shit our pants.
Gavin:When was the last time you shat your pants in public?
David:I don't really want to talk about that right now.
Gavin:Um, so okay. Well, then what what we should talk about is what is next week's topic. And please tell me it has something to do with shitty pants.
David:Top three places you've shit your pants. No, but that's a good that is a good top three list because maybe not places I've shit my pants, because I really haven't shit my pants, but I have shit in public because I had nowhere to go. Anyway, that is our our I hope we win an award for this episode of this podcast. Um, next week, our top three list is top three tiny great things.
Gavin:We're lucky today to be joined by a gay dad who's all about being an involved, adventurous dad, all about giving advice as a wellness coach for individuals and companies, all about meditation and all about assholes. Specifically not being one. Welcome, Jason Daly Kennedy.
David:Hi, Jason.
Gavin:So, so Jason, you're um you're all about assholes, insert joke here, but you're well versed in assholishness. So I obviously am enjoying this um theme here, and it'll become clearer to our listeners why. But you founded a company called Meditation for Assholes. So, because you're a you're uh an expert in this topic, I want to ask just for your two to five word answers on the following quick questions, okay? Go what is your two to five of word response on you feel like you're being an asshole?
SPEAKER_05:I'm sorry, can you repeat that in the form of a quick? It's going, Gavin, it's going great.
David:Your little game is going so well.
Gavin:What goes on in your mind when you think, oh gosh, I'm being an asshole?
SPEAKER_05:Oh, I gotta take a break.
Gavin:Someone was an asshole to you at Starbucks.
SPEAKER_05:I'm gonna pray for you.
Gavin:You have an asshole next to you at yoga.
SPEAKER_05:Take deep breaths, bitch.
Gavin:So someone calls you an asshole on the 101.
SPEAKER_05:Yes, yes, I am.
Gavin:Someone mutters asshole at an audition.
SPEAKER_05:I guess I got another one.
Gavin:Your kids are being assholes. I'm gonna take a breath outside. Your kids call you an asshole. Yes, I am. Find out how much. Have you ever called your kids assholes? Never to their face. Okay. So tell us about meditation for assholes. And yeah, tell us about that.
SPEAKER_05:Okay, yeah. So I started this uh probably about eight years ago, seven years ago, something like that. I started meditating in 2000 in the early 2000s, and then I didn't levitate, and so I quit. And then um, because I thought that that's what it was about. I thought it was about like being on the side of a mountain and you know, feeling all the feeling all the nothing. And then um about 2010 or so, I started uh because I live in Los Angeles, I started during an intuitive reading uh with the psychic who said I my guides were telling me I needed to meditate. And I was like, all right, whatever. So I started, yeah, it was intense. That's what happens when you move to California, guys. And then um I started with two minutes a day, and then five minutes a day, and then 10 minutes a day, and I was able to build up a practice, and then I was able to make some big changes in my life, and I was like, oh, this really works. And so I started um sharing that with other people, um, just like friends and stuff, and then friends started asking me to meditate and show them how. And then I'd spent some time in entertainment and also in with a lot of corporations, and I was. Very fortunate to be enough around a lot of assholes. And I thought, you know what? I think meditation could really help this group. Um, and so I started meditation for assholes, and and I kind of started it with this idea like I would, it was a little kitschy, but it was really rooted in how do we um how we act out of fear. So I created uh the acronym of ASHOL where we're in anger, selfishness, shame, hurt or hurting other people, overindulgence, lack or like less than, and ego. And if we can get out of that way, then we'll show up in a way that's more of love and service and tolerance and kindness um and less like an asshole, but also wanted to make it much more realistic. Then I saw a lot of at that time uh meditation uh being poised to people or how it was like shown to people at that time. So I started doing that, and then I got a chance to start speaking on it and then working with individuals, and then I became a coach and started working um with individual individuals on that front, and then I started working with corporations. So it just kind of like took off from there.
Gavin:So being an asshole is what led to all of your wellness coaching then, huh?
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, for sure. And honestly, like I I can relate to people because I have been one, I've shown up that way, and then I've shown up not that way, and then it was like, okay, this is how I used to do it and this and still can, and this is how it is when I don't do it, right? And so I just try to work with people that and sometimes being an asshole means like beating themselves up and taking themselves out of the equation, and then sometimes it means, you know, like the textbook definition of showing up and being a total prick to people.
David:Also, I feel like I misunderstood probably the 30 first 38 seconds of our interview where I was thinking, how do you meditate with your butthole? It's like kind of what my brain was thinking was like meditation for your hole is kind of where I thought we were going with this. So I if I'm being honest, I'm slightly disappointed. Yeah. I'm sorry. Well, you know, that's only available on my Patreon site. Oh, yeah, your OF. You're gonna go drop drop the spectrum. Yeah, okay, cool.
SPEAKER_05:All right, Lincoln bio, Lincoln bio. I mean, I guess if you aren't so uptight, that would probably not be so uptight either, right? I mean, it's your body is a is a uh is a barometer for how your soul and your mind are. So if you're actually more relaxed, you're probably gonna be more relaxed.
David:Your kind of mental state absolutely affects your physiological response to if it's pleasurable or difficult or easy or whatever. So 100%.
SPEAKER_05:And that's across the board. Like our mental state affects how we grip the steering wheel too tight when we're driving, when we're fighting somebody for a cab, when we're interacting with our kids, you know, interacting with our kids, with our colleagues, if you're an actor, if you're auditioning, if you're on stage, how you're showing up, you know, that little that little bit of self-doubt, if you let that feed on, if you let yourself feed on that, then your performance in any stage room, etc., is gonna be look um not as good as it could be.
Gavin:So before we ask about your kids, which obviously that's the most important topic in all of our lives, but um, I am curious, was there a specific moment where you said, oh my god, I'm an asshole, I have to change?
SPEAKER_05:I like to think of it as many micro moments. You know, which is exactly what an asshole would say. Yeah, exactly. I think I had enough experiences, some of them beating myself up, some of them taking myself out of the equation, some of them like, I cannot believe I just said that to that person. And look, just because you start meditating doesn't mean that you're not an asshole. Like, I've met many self-evolved assholes. And it because it really requires self-introspection, it really requires this idea of like, how do I, how, how did I show up? At the end of the day, I like to look at how I acted in the day so I don't continue acting a certain way. I like to make up for things when I've done something that isn't um on par with what I believe is the best version of myself. Um, and I hope, you know, with my kids, I hope that I model that behavior. Um, you know, there's a lot to be said for when I can kind of like, if I lose my cool and say, hey, you know what, I don't like the way that I did that, you know. And then hopefully that they do that with their siblings. We're big on like showing, you know, each other grace in our family, um, but also like calling each other out too.
David:Yeah, yeah. No, I I I I don't I could count on one finger how many times I've shown grace to my children uh in the four years. I've had a lot of things. Is it the middle one? Yeah, it's exact, it's exactly the middle one. Um so let let's let's let's hear it. Like, how did you become a dad?
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, um, interesting story. I uh we got married, my husband and I got married in 2015, and then pretty shortly thereafter, knew we wanted to have kids, and then pretty shortly thereafter, we decided to enter the foster care system. Um, we had both had family members in the system uh or who were adopted out of the system. And um, and then we started that in January of 16, and then I remember I was on I was at my um talent manager's office and I got a call at one o'clock that we were getting two kids who were coming, and I said when and they said four o'clock. And so I rushed home. And um, luckily my parents were flying in that day. They're here again now, right now, actually. Um, and it was around this time. It was actually like June something of 2016, and um, and we had some friends who like grabbed stuff. We had had some stuff, and I came home, and um, there was a three-month-old and a 13-month-old. The guy came to the door and he like rang the doorbell and he's like, Hey, I have the kids in the car. And I was like, Well, let's go get them.
David:Um, like Uber Eats. Like, what the fuck are you gonna do? It was totally that. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05:Mm-hmm. It was it. It was the it was actually the inspiration for Uber Eats. Um, then they came in, and our life, like, it got it was really full. Like, there were really cool kids, two boys, and we had a lot of fun with them. And it seemed pretty clear from the beginning that we were going to adopt them, just given their their backstory. Um, and about a year and a half, about a year into it, their birth parents started coming around again and started getting better, which you know, the primary re um goal of the foster care system is reunification.
David:And then um And did you guys have that in your mind the whole time? Or did you feel find yourself kind of living in a little bit of the fantasy of like maybe they'll be living a little bit in the fantasy of it?
SPEAKER_05:And quite honestly, like it was supported by some of the people that we were working with too. You know, like there's no way, there's not gonna happen. And quite honestly, it probably would have happened. But what happened was in the fall of eight uh 17 in October, we got a call that the original detention for the boys got um overturned by an appellate court.
David:Um, what does that mean? Detention.
SPEAKER_05:Three judges decided that the kids, even though they were exposed, all of these things, that one of which would pull a kid from a house, there were like five, or two, I guess, would and if there were five, um, they said, well, they should have never been detained in the first place. So they immediately that day went back to their birth parents who were quite honestly ill-prepared for it.
David:Um and who was asking for that? Were they did they have attorneys on their behalf trying to get that back, or did that happen without them knowing?
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, and and honestly, I I kind of always wondered like if they were to go back, if they had had maybe six more months of ramp up time, which still would have been really painful for us, they may have been able to um be more successful as parents. But what happened was those kids ended up in and out of the system still. Yeah.
Gavin:Jason, in that time that you were um delusionally hoping that you would hold on to the kids, were were you at the same time having to is it a practice to stay say with the kids, listen, you're you're hopefully gonna go back to your birth parents, you're hopefully gonna go back.
SPEAKER_05:Well, no, um, if I understand the correct question, were we talking to them about going back? At that point, they were very young. And so we started to have some visits with their birth parents at a point, and so they had this kind of um a little bit of you know interaction with them. So it wasn't just like night and day for them. Um, but you know, when they came, they were three months and 13 months old. When they left, they were two and or um 17 and 27 months old, roughly. Oh, right. Uh more than that, I can't do math. Um, and so there was a little bit of that. Um, but no, not not. I mean, when they're older, you kind of do have those conversations. Sure. Um, but I am. What did they call you? What did they call you? Dad and daddy, then yeah, those two did.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_05:Um and then and then what happened was we took a year off, we thought about surrogacy, and then we got a call in October of 18 about three magic, they were described as three magical kids uh who needed a at a permanent place because they had already been through the system to a point where they weren't going back to the birth parents, but they were in an adopt, they needed a home that would be an adoptive placement home.
David:Magical kids like Hufflepuffs, Ravenclaw. What are we talking about? What house are they at? Yeah, yeah, that one.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, I'm not a Harry Potter guy, but the cool one.
David:Okay, Refendor.
SPEAKER_05:Um, yeah. The um they uh were two, five, and just turned six at the time. And so we went and met them in the winter of 2019, early January, and then they came for an overnight visit, and then they moved in in February, and that's how we became a family. So we have um two sons and a daughter. My daughter's now 11, and my uh my son is 10, and my youngest son just turned eight. Um yeah.
David:Wow. And now did they also come via Uber Eats, or how did how did how did how was like the first time you met them?
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, this was much more like a catering experience. They they you know, there was a ready here, it was prepared, yeah. Uh we met them in their foster home, and then they came back to um visit us once. We took them for a couple of visits. So this was about a ramp up of about a month. Um they came for it overnight, we took the back and then they came and then stayed.
Gavin:Damn, that is still like that is still going from zero to a hundred and fifty, though. I mean, that is a lot. Go jump into three. Were you ready for it?
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, I mean, I think it reminded me that I was ready to be a parent again. I took that year off. And and how meditation really helped me in that year. I called it like mindfully numbing. I was kind of checked out, but I was still checking in, if that makes any sense. That year between when the kids left and when, and it took about a year. And then it was funny because at the end of that year, almost to the day, is when we got a call about these kids. So it was this period of like a lot of um grieving and repair and you know, all of that stuff that you need to do and go through the emotions. And then it was kind of like, okay, cool, let's I'm opening myself up to this again, and then like magically got a phone call the next day. And this is why I really like meditation, because I think you can clear the way for things to happen positively in your life, and every time I've really laid into it and and relied on it, it cool things have happened, like you know, having three kids. Um but yeah, it was zero to 150, and especially because it was almost, you know, with babies, you kind of they don't talk back, yeah.
Gavin:And um, you know, no, you they came hard, they came pre-packaged with personalities and opinions.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, yeah, exactly, exactly. And it's funny because they are very magical kids, they're really cute, they're funny, they're live in their athletic, and they do all these really cool things. And and then, you know, and it was like, oh my god, this is amazing. And then when they felt comfortable enough is when, especially my daughter, she would start like um acting out, right? Like they felt comfortable and safe enough to actually get real, and so that was a whole adjustment period, and now she's a preteen, so that's a whole adjustment period. Totally. How old are your kids?
Gavin:I've well I've got an 11 and a 12-year-old, so I can completely relate to that age group. Oh my goodness, buckle up.
David:And I have a two and a four-year-old, and my two-year-old is a total fucking bitch. So I'm hoping that that means she just loves me and she feels very safe with me to hate everything I cook, not tell not put her shoes on, not go to bed when I tell her to, fall on the floor crying when I tell her to brush her teeth, which you do every single fucking night. So I'm just gonna start taking that in a meditative way as love. That is just her version of love, and it's stifling.
SPEAKER_05:Well, you know, what like the woo-woo people say um is everything is love or it's a call for love.
David:So good. You can cut me off if you want. All right, then you can you can have her teeth brushed tonight. You I'll bring you over and then I'll let you love and receive love or do the love thing with her.
SPEAKER_05:Um look, the thing is, is when people tell me like it's that, yeah, and sometimes they just are mean and cruel and so you know what I mean?
David:But like I don't think they're I don't think my kids are inherently cruel. I think they are asshole. I think it actually, if I'm getting totally serious, I do think that they feel safe enough to act out in the ways they do. And I'm when I when I say act out, I mean in the totally benign way, just like tantrums and I refuse to eat the pasta I asked for, all that kind of stuff. Um, I don't think it's like this inherent bad thing. I think it's a natural part of them growing up. But it is funny to watch my two kids who were raised in the same house, maybe by different dads because we were different with the first kid and the second kid. But like my my older kid is a fragile flower who mostly follows the rules. And my daughter is going to will light a house on fire if she had the capacity. She is just a completely different person. So I think it is a natural part of her. Like, we never went through the terrible twos with my my son, he was never terrible. I mean, he had like a meltdown at the mall one time, I remember. But other than that, like he was mostly okay. Three was a little dicey. She is like, Oh, I'll I'll pick up, I'll have what he's having, and then I'll double so yeah, yeah.
Gavin:So I would imagine also, Jason, you in addition to your wellness and um coaching, and in addition to being a dad, you're also a writer, right? Tell us about that. Yeah, actor, actor. Um but you're also actually. Yeah, okay. So I want to show that I did a little bit of research here. I'm not a complete guest.
David:I even is just in a defensive mode right now. He's like, no, no, no, no. I Googled you once.
Gavin:Right, exactly. Three weeks ago. But yes, you are obviously an actor, but I isn't it more interesting to talk about the fact that you're like, you know, working on sketch comedy and shit like that. That's so fun.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, it is fun, it's really fun. And I I forgot I'm writing a book too. And I um uh it's it's fun, it's really fun, and it's actually opened up a lot for me because you know, um, I went meditation during the pandemic kind of led me back to acting after a long break. And so um that picked up quick, and then the strike happened, and then I, you know, started doing improv and really loving it, and then started doing sketch from there, and I'm really loving it. And um, and um yeah, it's cool. It's cool because like I think it gets a lot of stuff out of my head that I always had I didn't realize was locked up in there, you know. Um, and it makes me pay attention to people more. You know, I've always kind of been kind of observant um since I started meditating, but now I'm like doing it in a new way, like using them. Um, and you know, you just like you're like, oh, you're a great character.
David:Uh but that's very much the respiratory system, I feel like, of writers. Uh I mean, sorry, of artists, which is like you you ingest a lot more just naturally. We look, we see, like you said, you're we're sociologists, we're staring at people, we're thinking about people. But the the other side of that is we need to exhale a lot of that stuff. We need to write it down, we need to perform it, we need to create a statue, whatever. And we just have more of the ingestion. I think a lot of people who stop doing art or or bit because of a strike or a pandemic or whatever, they start to just feel like this like thing building up inside of them is because they don't have anywhere to put that. So it sounds like that's kind of what you found as you started writing. You started to kind of put a lot of that stuff out.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, yeah. You know what, that's a really good observation because I um flip your hair, David. Uh yeah, I I it really is because I think um and also when that stuff bottles up, you just it's like the physiological thing that we were talking about earlier, it's gonna come out in some other way that isn't as positive as it could be if it was, you know, the art that you're that you're passionate about making.
David:Yeah, let's bring it back to bottoming. It's always important to bring back to bottoming, which is really where our our our uh our sweet spot is.
Gavin:Well, speaking of not at all bottoming, um, Jason, do your kids think you're funny? Do you try out your material on them? Oh, that's it validating.
SPEAKER_05:They do. My two of them do. My daughter thinks um I'm and I double down on it, my 11-year-old. Like, so she's like, oh my god, you're so embarrassing. She's like, no. And I'm like, just watch.
David:Oh man, I think I'll get way more embarrassing. I'll get way more embarrassing. I can't get more embarrassing. And I will. Sorry, there's a leaf blower outside. Is he hot? We want to know if the leaf blower is hot or not.
SPEAKER_05:Oh, oh, uh, no. Okay. I mean, sure. To some people, no.
David:I feel like if you're doing yard work, whether that you own a company or it's your own yard or whatever, you automatically get two extra points for your hotness, like above whatever natural level you live at. So it's just something sexy about like doing yard work. Anyway, yeah. So you're funny, except for your daughter who thinks you're embarrassing.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, she thinks I'm cringe. Um, have you got given gotten into the whole skibbity um all of this?
Gavin:It's so can you explain it to me, please?
SPEAKER_05:Okay, I feel like Skibity has something to do with the toilet, although I don't know for sure. I can't crack it.
Gavin:Oh my god, this is so cringe. We're embarrassing ourselves already. We're embarrassing ourselves, but yes, it does have something to do with it.
David:Three old people discussing what are the words we're using.
Gavin:Yes.
David:Yes, but yes, I love it.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, I actually created a character based on my daughter based on that. Um, Skibity and cringe and um uh Riz.
David:Obviously, Riz is a bit of a I feel like Riz is like the gateway drug for uh older parents who think they're cool. They're like, oh Riz, charisma. I understand what that is. It's like, yeah, but like that's that's just that's I feel like that's like a red herring. That's like they're giving us one so we understand it while they still have their secret language about skivity. Yeah, which it does. It does sound vaguely toilet adjacent, but I bet it's not oh it is.
Gavin:No, David L. We should, yeah, we should find. I mean, it's not like shit based, but yes, it's definitely toilet-based. But Jason, are you still from toilet based? In your sketch writing, are you unique being a dad? Are you surrounded by a bunch of non-dads and moms?
SPEAKER_05:Many, um, many. Uh yeah, I'm writing one piece right now that you know, sometimes I I get it, there's a lot of material being um a dad, especially like with dance moms. That's a whole Pandora's box of amazingness. Uh uh, and you know, my kids are in like club sports and things like that, and so there's a lot there, and then PTA stuff, like which I'm pretty involved with my kids' school, but then there's also some things where you're like, wow, that's that's a lot right there. That's amazing. So I do I do try to bring a lot of that stuff into it. Um, also, you know what I think the thing is is from a performer or writer perspective, is having kids, and I don't know if you guys found this as well, but like I don't care about the result of the audition or when I put something up or when I Go on stage and make an ass out of myself as much as I did before I had kids. And I think being so cringe to them kind of helps.
David:You mean for yourself or for them? For myself. Oh, okay. For myself. Nah, for them, I'm still kind of like results-based for them, right? You either get the part or you're not my child anymore. Got it. Something to that effect. Yeah. It's more like perform. Dance for grandma. Dance.
Gavin:So can you share with us um uh one of those I'll never forget the time when with all three of your kids?
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, um, I'll never forget the time when well, on a sweet note, um they came home for the first time, or came to, it was actually further than overnight the first time, and they were just like in love with the house, like in love with the house, and they didn't want to leave, and that was really sweet. I'll never forget the time when my daughter, oh my god, if I I hope I remember this. She was probably six or seven. It was seven, it was right in like 2020, and um, she had had a meltdown about something, and she said, Oh, because okay, so our kids used to say, Um, my youngest used to say, I'll dream of you, coffee, we would say, I'll dream of you tonight and I'll dream of you, and he'll say, he used to say, I'll dream of you, coffee, handsome milkshake. Because I talked him into telling me that I was handsome and I love coffee, and he's important shakes. That's important. Yeah, if they believe it, then you're fine. Um, and then I so we would say that all the time, and they would say it became like a nightly routine for all three kids. And then one morning, like or one day when my daughter had a haircut, uh, had a tantrum haircut, had a tantrum, I was carrying her upstairs because she needed to calm down. So I was taking her to a room and she's like, I hate you.
SPEAKER_03:You're not handsome. Oh wait, you're not real, you're not my dad, you're not my real dad, you're something else, and you're not handsome.
SPEAKER_05:And I was like, Did you just say I'm not handsome? Like I let everything else.
David:Yeah, like everything else was, yeah, exactly.
SPEAKER_05:Like the handsome thing really got to you. Yeah. Do you know how big my ego is? Um, and so that was one of the things I remember with her. Um, my son Eddie is like, he plays dumb really well, but he's really smart and and cute. So, like, I'll, you know, always remember that. My husband's really good about writing down everything that they say. Um, and then my youngest son is just super sarcastic. So I don't have a specific except for that sweet moment, and then you know.
David:Well, I think you're handsome, but uh, I want to end on uh a question we ask all of our guests is what is the best part of parenting and what is the worst part of parenting?
SPEAKER_05:Um the best part is the laughter, like having fun. We really have a lot of fun, and the worst part is skibbity cringe, yeah.
David:Skibbity cringe riz and not being handsome, honestly. Being an uggo, just being an uggo, not being a dad. Being ugly, being an ogre.
Gavin:We are so glad you brought your ogre self here to Gatriarchs and demeaning yourself with our stupid little podcast. Thank you for being with us and go write some great shit and make all of us laugh without cringing. Okay.
David:And also, Shrek was the most profitable franchise for DreamWorks. So don't shit on ogres.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, maybe I'm ugly.
David:So, my something great. It's slightly a twofer, which I know is a cheat, but I I wanted to start by saying it's June 5th. It's Pride Month. Happy Pride.
Gavin:So Happy Pride!
David:That is something great, obviously. Um, it is my not my particular something great this week, but in general, all episodes for this month are happy pride, and we're very excited about pride happening, and we'll have lots more to say about that later. But um, my real something great this week is something that I did last year at this time. Um, and it was my something great last year at this time, but I I would be remiss if I didn't mention it again. I just came back from Cinestory um in Los Angeles, which if you don't know what Cinestory is, it's a uh television writers kind of retreat in the woods where you know they have 40 uh writers and 40 or so uh mentors come out and we go to Idle Wild, California, and we read scripts, and there's managers and agents and writers, and it's just like a big kind of TV retreat. They have a feature retreat as well. But but um I'm a mentor at the TV retreat, and it's always just an incredible experience. It's so fun to be kind of vacationing in the woods, it's so fun to be around other TV writers, especially at this time in our industry. Um, it's just a fun reminder that there's a lot of great ideas and a lot of great people in this industry. And uh unless you're in an active TV writer's room, it's not you're not often working with other writers and hanging out with them. So it's just a blast. Me and the mentors have a really great time. The mentees were amazing, they're great writers, and and in general, it's one of my favorite things to do every year. So my something great this week is Cinestory.
Gavin:And this episode of Gatriarchs is brought to you in part by Cinestory. Will they do you think they'll give us money for that?
David:No, but I did get two free water bottles from them. That's a Cinestory on the side.
Gavin:So Oh, okay, great. Um, my something great is Governor's Island. I recently had the total pleasure of taking way too many kids from um a dirt road in Connecticut down to Governor's Island, including planes, trays, and automobiles basically to get there. If you have never been to Governor's Island, it is the best place in New York City. It is so much fun. Um, I'll leave it at that. It was just really fun to run around on the island, ride bikes, get ice cream, etc. So trust me, Governor's Island is a place to go when going to New York City.
David:And that's our show. If you have any comments, suggestions, or general compliments, you can email us at Gatriarchspodcast at gmail.com.
Gavin:Or you can DM us on Instagram. We are at Gatriarchspodcast. On the internet, David is at DavidFm Vaughn everywhere, and Gavin is at GavinLodge on a bike. Please leave us a glowing five star review wherever you get your podcasts. Thanks, and we'll make a movie about you next time on another episode of Gatriarchs.
