61. Want to Love Your Midlife Body? Do This | Jen Bobodzhanov

Get ready for a transformative journey as we explore the intersection of fitness and mindfulness in this episode of the School of Midlife podcast. Our guest, Jen Bobodzhanov, a passionate fitness studio owner and small business coach for midlife women, shares her inspiring personal journey and empowering approach to exercise.

🎙️ Jen's story is one of triumph over body image struggles and an unhealthy fitness mindset, leading her to discover a life-changing perspective on exercise. She emphasizes mindfulness, functional movement, and the joy of feeling good over looking a certain way, redefining how we approach fitness in midlife.

🔍 Dive deeper with us as we explore the importance of functional movement, strength training, and mindful exercise in midlife. Jen's two barre3 fitness studios are hubs of inclusivity and support, fostering a community that celebrates women of all ages and backgrounds.

Ready to embrace failure as a catalyst for growth? 🌱 Jen eloquently shares how embracing failure within a supportive environment can lead to personal resilience and growth, a lesson that resonates deeply with the challenges many midlife women face in various aspects of life.

Join us as we discover the transformative power of a consistent fitness routine as a form of self-care, nurturing not only our physical health but also our mental well-being and self-compassion. Let's make midlife our best life, one mindful and empowering step at a time! 🎧✨

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Transcript

SPEAKER00: Welcome to the School of Midlife podcast. I'm your host, Laurie Reynoldson. This is the podcast for the midlife woman who's starting to ask herself big life questions like, what do I want? Is it too late for me? And what's my legacy beyond my family and my work? Each week, we're answering these questions and more. At the School of Midlife, we're learning all of the life lessons they didn't teach us in school. And we're figuring out, finally, what it is we want to be when we grow up. Let's make midlife your best life. 

Remember back in your 20s when you could party all weekend long, eat late night pizzas, drink all the drinks, and just spend an extra 30 minutes on the StairMaster on Monday to burn off all those weekend calories? Yep, those were the good old days. Isn't it interesting how everything changed once we hit midlife? If you're like me, I've noticed that the workouts I've done my entire life just don't have the same effect as they once did. I mean, I'm eating the same foods, but I'm just not getting the same results. And it's not just about the belly fat. I have more aches and pains. It takes me longer to recover. And I just don't feel the same. In today's episode of the School of Midlife podcast, I'm joined by Jen Bobodzhanov, who owns two boutique fitness studios. And we're talking about the importance of fitness and functional movement for midlife women. I loved our conversation because it reframes the way we think about physical activity. Unlike what we were taught when we were younger, Jen explains why movement in midlife is more about how it makes us feel, how it sets us up for injury-free living later on in life, and how it influences our mental health as well. You'll love what Jen says about abs and, spoil alert, it has nothing to do with a six pack or a bikini. After listening to our discussion, I promise that you'll never look at your workout the same way.

Jen, I am so excited to have you here today to talk all things relating to fitness and functional movement for midlife women. Will you please introduce yourself to the audience and tell them a little bit about what you do?

SPEAKER01: My name is Jen Bobodzhanov. Thanks for having me on. I own two fitness franchises, barre3 Eagle and barre3 Boise, and we believe that fitness should feel good and it should be for the purpose of the way that it makes you feel instead of the way that it makes you look.

SPEAKER_00: So because I know you personally, I want to start with this question because I know that you own fitness franchises. You are also a small business coach for Midlife Women. You are also a barre3 instructor. What's the through line there? 

SPEAKER_01: Oh, that's a great question. The through line for me starts when I was eight years old. Should we go back that far? Yeah. So eight years old was the first moment that I can remember lying in my bed and thinking critical thoughts about myself. And beginning at eight years old, I would lie in bed and from the tip of my toes all the way to the crown of my head, I would compare myself to my friends. I would criticize the way that my body looked. I would hyper focus on ways that I believe that it was different, looking different from other people that I knew, other girls that I knew. And that theme carried on up until probably, let's see, I'm 52 now. So I was 40 when I needed to go to therapy because of excessive weighing and measuring of myself. So that inner critic drove a very unhealthy relationship for me with fitness, which included over-exercising, under-eating, under-nourishing even when I ate. And also, I would weigh myself and measure myself. I can't even, I haven't even estimated, but it would be when I woke up in the morning after I went to the bathroom, after any morsel of food touched my lips, when I was at the gym, after I exercised, I literally had a hand towel, like a, not a washcloth, but a hand towel at the YMCA that I would take a shower and I would try to see if I could wrap it around myself.

SPEAKER_00: A hand towel? Yeah. Like it was. I'm right now I'm wondering if I can wrap a hand towel around my thigh. I'm pretty sure I can. But yeah.

SPEAKER_01: So you can imagine that was showing up in other areas of my life. Say more about that. It didn't have the marriage that I wanted. I the judgment that I had for myself carried out in the rest of my life judging other people. I would be so exhausted from a day of battling my inner critic or listening to my inner critic that I withdrew from my friend groups. And every time I went out to an event, it was always hard to get there. And then I would beat myself up and be exhausted after I left. So this inner critic monologue, it was just impacting every single area of my life.

SPEAKER_00: So how is it that you went from battling this inner critic and being hyper vigilant and hyper focused on the size that you were? Are you the size that can you wrap yourself up in a hand towel to deciding that you were going to open an exercise studio?

SPEAKER_01: OK, so first of all, I went to therapy because we love helping professionals. And in therapy, I worked through some of the issues that you may guess that I had from me describing the actions I was taking of the overexercising and the hyper weighing and all of those things. And every time I went into the gym after my therapy, I was highly triggered. So imagine having this lifelong relationship that was really damaging to your body and walking into a gym and seeing a fitness challenge. And all of a sudden, I'm tempted to go right back down because I can challenge with the best of them.

SPEAKER_00: Oh, I love me a fitness challenge.

SPEAKER_01: I love I know you do of any any sort. I will rise to it, too. But this wasn't healthy for my baby mindset of. enoughness and accepting where I was and not trying to bully myself mentally or physically into this a different body shape or size. So I needed to find a different way to move my body because I love to move. So I have what I call adult onset athleticism. I didn't realize that I wanted that I love to move when I was younger because I was so held down by my inner critic. I would hide myself. I quit swim team so I wouldn't be in a bathing suit. I didn't want to be seen in shorts for track. I had a lot of things that I thought were just truths for me with regards to why I couldn't participate in fitness. Well, I found out that I love to move my body. And I wanted the mental benefits of fitness, but I wanted to detach the mental benefits from fitness from this old bully mentality where I was doing everything to fit into a YMCA hand towel. or a size whatever bathing suit that now my children wear. And I'm like, wow, I thought I was going to fit into those bottoms. This is so unrealistic. So I made a challenge for myself that I would go to all the different types of fitnesses that weren't gyms, which now we call that boutique fitness. And the first place that I went into was a barre3 studio. And I thought barre3 was quite possibly the fanciest place I'd ever seen in my life. And I had all manner of stories to try and keep me out, including but not limited to my inability to afford Lululemon at the time. Everybody is wearing gold sheep. Everybody had all of their stuff together. And I certainly did not. But I dared myself and I went in with a Costco tank top and Old Navy leggings. And what I found there was exactly what I found and what I've created in my own studios. I dared myself to go to barre3. And what I found at barre3 was the same place that I created in the Treasure Valley barre3, which is completely inclusive. People can wear what they want. People show up in my studios wearing the things that I sell in my studios, like Beyond Yoga and Free People and Tavi and all of these other brands that I've curated in my athletic, my athleisure boutique. They also wear Walmart and Old Navy and the same things that I wore when I first began coming to barre3.

SPEAKER_00: I can definitely speak from personal experience. I love the barre3 workouts and the welcoming community that you've created in your studios. I guess, in your opinion, what makes barre3 so special and how does it specifically benefit midlife women?

SPEAKER_01: I think the biggest thing is what I found my first class, which was not only the inclusivity of all body shapes and sizes, all age demographics working alongside each other, all socioeconomic levels with it is boutique fitness. It is a premium price that you pay, but we do have people woven into my particular studio that are either on scholarship or if somebody comes to me and they need a special circumstance. It's part of my personal brand that I allow for that because of my belief that it is very useful and something that we don't find usually in society where there are multi-generations doing their best right next to each other. The second component of that is mindfulness. The first time that I went into plank in my first barre3 class was literally, Laurie, the first time that I can remember my mental chatter stopping. Like first time. Yeah. And I was like, what is this in my head? I don't hear anything. I'm not thinking anything. I'm not thinking about my neighbor. I'm not criticizing myself. It was just literally silence.

SPEAKER_00: That's so interesting that you were able to notice that, that it was so different than the experiences that you had ever had before, that if I'm doing the math right, so in your 40s, you are in a plank, I'm guessing for, I don't know, 60 or 90 seconds. And it's such a profound moment that you can remember it. Yes. Exactly. Taking a little bit of a tangent, did you see that the Guinness Book of World Records for planks was just a woman 52, 53 years old? Yes. For four hours and 28 minutes?

SPEAKER_01: Did you post that in your story? Oh, no, it was one of my other studio owner friends who posted that. I'm like, that looks, that sounds like Laurie Reynoldson content. Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_00: I mean, I like me a good challenge, but four hours and 28 minutes. I can't even imagine. I have seen the meme on a plank where it's the only way that you can actually stop time because it does seem, my gosh. Anyway, planks aside. Yes. Planks aside, but my husband asked me, what happened to bars one and two? Why is it called barre3? And I don't know. Is it because of three different types of the strength training, the cardio and the breath work or?

SPEAKER_01: Yeah. So it is in one workout. You get all three. You get cardio, you get strength and you get mindfulness in a 45 minute or a 60 minute time period.

SPEAKER_00: Yeah. Okay. So memes aside and puns aside, let's talk about functional movement because that is that to me is what you're doing in that studio. Why is strength training and building muscle mass so crucial for women, particularly in midlife?

SPEAKER_01: One thing that recently surprised me, and I don't know how it passed my consciousness up until this point, was this. We do not end our life with the same bones that we began with. We are always building bone. We're always renewing our bone. And we are always rebuilding our brain. So for midlife, especially, this matters. Every time that we pick up a heavy weight, and it's not just about the weight, it's what we do with the weight that really matters. When we pick up the weight and when we increase the load and increase the time under tension, on our muscles and on our bones, we are creating the best environment for the most effective bone to be generated. Okay. So I think about the coral reef and I was recently in Hawaii and I love the ocean and I love paddle boarding and so I'm looking down and the coral reef is being eaten all the time by parrotfish and other things as well. Erosion, all that jazz too. But the parrotfish eats the coral reef and then it expels particles into the ocean. We see sand. That's not the only creator of sand obviously. Then, the coral reef rebuilds based on the ocean and the quality of the water that the ocean determines the way that the coral reef rebuilds. And I was so interested to find out that the same thing happens in our body. So we actually have a word that I can't remember, but somebody can Google that eats our bones. And the minerals are expelled and then we rebuild bone.

SPEAKER_00: So like it's absorbed into our system or.

SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's absorbed into our system. And we get rid of it. Exactly. Obviously, that's a very, very simple simplistic way of saying it, but it's just such a great visual for me because then I'm thinking, OK, what can I do? Because midlife women, we're done doing what people tell us to do. We're not going to do something just because somebody tells us to do it. We're going to be like, OK, no. Like, what's my reason for doing this? And when I visualize that every single time I bring my body to that muscle failure, the time under tension in a safe way that protects my joints, but creates strength within the muscles that support my joints, and also creates an environment where I'm building the most effective bone density for the rest of my life, it's a heck yes for me.

SPEAKER_00: And when we're talking about building bone density for the rest of your life, that's protecting you from falling and breaking a hip. There are plenty of mobility-related long-term benefits, right?

SPEAKER_01: Yeah. And another fun factoid is for a muscle to be strong, it has to be mobile. So if you're talking about the combination of strength and mobility, if I have, for example, tight hips or let's say I have a tight, I'll speak to myself. So I have tight calves. And the reason why I have tight calves is because my mobility is incorrect and I'm not letting my glutes fire first. I am walking with my calf muscle instead of my butt muscle. So my, used glute is less strong because it is less mobile. So to create the strong glute, I have to have mobile joints, I have to have mobile hips, and I have to be able to move in a way that allows my glutes to fire first.

SPEAKER_00: So you've got to be able to move in a way which our bodies are intended to move. Yes. Yeah. Interesting.

SPEAKER_01: And we don't get because we are sitting longer than our ancestors did. And one of the common tendencies that we see in a strength class is this low back issue. And a lot of people struggle with low back pain. Low back, it can often be tied, not always, but in my experience, I've seen that low back pain is tied to the glutes not being the first thing to fire when you get off the floor. When you're running, like you do when you're hiking, if the glutes fire first, it will protect your back. If the back fires first, you're going to have back issues.

SPEAKER_00: And it's in particular the gluteus medius. The ones in the middle, not the maximums that we all have.

SPEAKER_01: And the gluteus medius also helps the knees and all that. All of that. Knees are super important.

SPEAKER_00: It's all connected, isn't it? And oftentimes it seems like whenever I feel like I'm having a problem somewhere, it's actually because I'm having a problem somewhere else. Yes. So physical benefits aside, we did talk about that, but let's talk about how this idea of regularly moving your body, whether that's walking or in a barre class or practicing yoga or however you like to move. How can regular, and I don't even know if I want to call it exercise, but purposeful movement, how can that positively impact a woman's mindset and overall well-being in midlife?

SPEAKER_01: I could probably come up with about 50 reasons, but my favorites right now, they're top of mind to me, are when we head into midlife, we have spent a lot of years making sure that other people are happy. And that has caused us to put our health last a lot of the time. And the No. 1 benefit to regular movement is making a promise to yourself and then keeping your promise to yourself. And then when you bring mindfulness into it, 10 X's any movement that you do. So whatever a person chooses to do, whether it's walking, I love walking, hiking, I love hiking. I love strength conditioning. I love bar three. I love B3 strength and the regular signature class to actually notice and pay attention on purpose without judgment to your movement and create mindfulness as a habit, in addition to movement as a habit, that means that you can carry that benefit and mindfulness outside of that hour or 45 minutes that you spend in the gym. I am passionate about There are so many things that are unlocked for me in a movement class. Like whether I go for, or not just a class, but whether I go for a walk, my brain literally changes. And if we were to scan a person's brain, we would see that the megahertz of the brain would change. Obviously, we know about hormones like dopamine and endorphins that are released, but all of these hormones, and I'm not going to speak to all of the ways that they work together, but they protect our heart. They help us to sleep better. There's a direct correlation between any type of movement and getting into the type of sleep at night that is restorative. But I think bigger than that, right now and in front of mine with my coaching clients and with my barre3 clients is this process of learning to keep your word to yourself when everything feels wonky in midlife. Everything is different than it used to be. Our bodies change. We have to shift the reason why we move or we're going to get discouraged and we're going to quit moving.

SPEAKER_00: You talked about midlife women having a tendency to put themselves last, and I completely agree with that because we're busy doing all the things for all the people, all the time. What about women who don't think they have time to, say, go to a gym for a class? We're busy, right? So how can women get in this habit, making a practice to incorporate movement and fitness into their lives, and really not necessarily as exercise for the sake of exercise, but more as a form of self-care?

SPEAKER_01: So I have two answers. Number one is my blunt answer and that is most of your listeners I'm sure are people who know how to get stuff done and I believe that we are the asset. How would you protect your asset, your highest and your biggest asset? You would schedule it first. That's my blunt answer. Now, my second answer is a little bit more gentle.

SPEAKER_00: You would schedule it first and you would further to the point that you made just a bit ago, you'd keep that promise to yourself. I mean, yes. If we look at somebody's calendar, it's pretty easy for us to say that is important to us. But if you look at our calendar and everything else is scheduled and there's nothing on there that is scheduled, that even relates to protecting our health, then maybe it's not as important to us as we think. And I, I am a big fan of protecting the asset like you talked about. That comes from a book that I think both of us like a lot, Essentialism. Which book? Essentialism.

SPEAKER_01: Oh, yes. Oh, my gosh. I forgot I got it from that book.

SPEAKER_00: Yeah. Favorite book. It's good. OK, so that's the blunt answer.

SPEAKER_01: And I think I actually want to touch base on something that you said as a way to share the gentler answer. And you said protecting the asset. You you respoke that back to me. And one thing that I find very interesting is our brains. Have more fear of loss of something And we will do more if we think we're going to lose something than if we are trying to gain something. So a simple and kind mindset shift of realizing what you lose if you don't strength condition, if you don't prioritize yourself. By the time we're in midlife, we're not just staying the same if we don't choose to move our body. we are actually losing something. And so to come alongside ourselves and create an environment where the ability to schedule that into our day is more likely, so whether that is habit-stacking or rearranging things, like what are you currently doing? Do you have a current rhythm of your life that is something that you don't have to think about? How can you fit into that? I'll share some examples. For example, I co-work at KILN, and the simple act of just packing my tennis shoes and setting the timer, and going down to my car, switching out my shoes, setting my timer for seven minutes, listening to a couple songs, and then I walk back. It's only 30 minutes, but it literally is enough. And that's part of something that I'm already doing. So the other part of that is making sure that we take out of our schedule the things that are no longer serving us, that used to serve us when we were younger. So, you know, replacing, so creating a day, a daily rhythm that allows for more natural and unplanned movement. like setting your phone in the kitchen and when you wake up, instead of going immediately to your phone, you just take a walk around the block or something like that. Scheduling, so one of the things I love to do now is instead of going out to lunch with my friends, I have very few friends to be honest, they're mainly colleagues, but. You're not alone. I've curated that, I've curated that, but instead of going out to lunch or going to have cocktails or mimosas, We go biohacking. And so I combine two.

SPEAKER_00: I don't think I know what biohacking is. 

SPEAKER_01: Oh, my gosh.We'll go together. So it's like the cryos and the compression and things like that to do that and to think recovery. Exactly. Recovery modalities. OK.

SPEAKER_00: Recovery modality. Biohacking?

SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's called biohacking.

SPEAKER_00: I was today years old when I learned that term.

SPEAKER_01: I don't know who started it. Probably somebody. But somebody trying to create a movement. But yes, every modality.

SPEAKER_00: I think so. If given a choice to meet somebody for a glass of wine, which we used to do all the time, now it's let's go for a walk. Let's go for a hike. Let's do something other than, because I don't know about you, but drinking alcohol doesn't serve me very well anymore. I hate it. I have to be very intentional and really It's got to be like, I really want this glass of wine at this incredible, usually Italian dinner. Yes. When we're out at a restaurant, because I know that I'm not going to sleep well. Yep. I know that I'm probably going to wake up with a headache. It's just it's a multi-day situation.

SPEAKER_01: If you are choosing to have a glass of wine, you are choosing to not sleep, have a headache and have a compromised activity or compromised performance the next day.

SPEAKER_00: Yeah. And maybe for two days, maybe for three days. Maybe actually. It's a real thing.

SPEAKER_01: But really what I'm saying is like combining that your normal core values and your normal daily rhythms with something you want to add into your day and to just think creatively. Like I said, we're all we've all solved a ton of problems in our lives. Like think about it as the challenge that it is, the challenge that you've solved for another person. Think about it in that way. Be innovative and be resourceful.

SPEAKER_00: Isn't it interesting how it's so much easier to solve an issue or spot a blind spot or for someone else, right? Yeah. But for ourselves, it's, oh gosh, I really love challenges when they're at the gym or when the, but just to, there's something about being healthy for the sake of being healthy that just doesn't seem like enough, which seems bananas to me.

SPEAKER_01: It's back to that brain. It's back to the brain, right? Unless you feel like you're going to lose something. It's like when somebody gets a heart diagnosis or a cancer diagnosis, you see all of a sudden them elevating their health and elevating their wellness because they have a fear that they're going to lose their life. It's just what our brains do. There's nothing really wrong with it, but it's how to hack that for your maximum benefit right now while you're living. So this last year I was like, if I had cancer, what changes would I make? Yeah. And then I was like, why am I not making those changes right now? Why am I waiting? Why am I waiting? Yeah. I'm done waiting. I love that.

SPEAKER_00: I think it's that's good for all of us too. Be done waiting.

SPEAKER_01: Make it happen now. Do it now. And if you were to think about yourself, think about what a pro athlete does. They actually, their entire life is set up, like they are the asset, their entire life is set up to maximize that asset. So if you're a business owner or if you're running a household or if you've got like kids in multi-stages or like multiple companies or whatever, you're the asset. If you go down, what happens? I know one of my favorite quarterbacks of all time, even now, Russell Wilson. I watch him in action. He's in flow. And then I watch what he does. He watches film, right? That's my way of saying objectively evaluating for the sake of getting better. I know he does compression. I know he does ice baths. I love Laird Hamilton, also the surfer. I watch what he does on his Instagram. He treats his body. as the asset that it is, and that is exactly the same to me. I am a fitness professional, but I know the benefits in my brain when I treat myself like the athlete that I am.

SPEAKER_00: Let's switch gears to body image. You shared a little bit about your history and journey. You are not alone. Many women, and midlife women in particular, because our bodies are changing, struggle with body image issues. How can we best reframe our relationship with our bodies? And I'm specifically thinking here about one of your taglines about the purpose of abs. So I don't know if that'll give you a jumping off point or not, but what do you think about body issues in midlife?

SPEAKER_01: First of all, I think that it is very, my clients feel a sense of loss with their bodies and the way their bodies change. They feel powerless when their bodies change when they are injured. And I hear it all the time. I was just doing the stupidest thing. I was just picking up something off of the floor and I tweaked my back or I was gardening and I hurt my shoulder. Science shows There are many reasons for that. Estrogen deficiency and all the things that scientists speak about that I'm sure that your very well resourced audience will be able to find. But I think the number one thing that somebody can do to help reframe their relationship with their body as it changes and as it ages is mindfulness. So to pay attention on purpose, without judgment, and every time our brain tries to brain on us and offer us a form of criticism or judgment about the current state of our external meat suit, For us to notice that and pay attention on purpose and to come alongside ourselves and have a lot of compassion, of course, you've been a size 2 for your whole life. You've been a hyperathlete. Of course, this is going to feel powerless. But to come back to present moment and find the power in that moment for what is. Every opportunity, every time that our brain gives us a criticism is an opportunity to practice mental fitness, which is what people need as they go into midlife, which is this, I'm not gonna be triggered by my body image because the way that my body looks is the least important thing about me. Right? Yes. Like, it's the least interesting thing about me. And technically speaking, here's my tagline, the job of the core is not for it to look good.

SPEAKER_00: The job of the core is stabilization, not objectification. Yes.

I have a question for you. When was the last time you spent a day focused completely on yourself, away from the daily grind, the constant emails and text messages, the never-ending question of, what is for dinner? Well, if a day sounds good to you, what about an entire weekend away? And before you start thinking that sounds a little too indulgent, let me remind you that you can't take care of everyone else in your life if you don't take care of yourself first. I am thrilled to personally invite you to join me at the next Best Life Retreat in world-famous Sun Valley, Idaho. With more than 15 hours of group coaching to figure out what you actually want in life, how you define success, and help you lay the groundwork for you to create a life that not only makes you happy, but also makes you feel personally fulfilled. There will be incredible group activities like happy hour paint and sips, morning walks, a sunrise hike, your choice of spa appointments at an award-winning spa. All of this wrapped up in luxury accommodations, gourmet meals, premium drinks, and the best gift bag you have ever seen. I'm telling you, this will be one of the very best weekends of your entire life. To keep the retreat intimate, there are only 10 spots available and when they're gone, they're gone. So go right now, click the link in the show notes and get yourself on the priority list so that you'll be the first to know when we open up registration. I cannot wait to see you in Sun Valley. 

And we're heading into, at the time this episode drops, we are heading into warmer season. And I know that women are thinking about, am I going to be able to wear the bikini this year? One, am I too old to wear a bikini? But two, can I, do I have a bikini body? And it's yes, because you have a body. And if you want to put a bikini on it, great. But you don't have to be a different size. You don't have to be a different shape. It's literally a piece of clothing. If you want to wear it, great. And you don't have to change anything about the outside of you to make that happen. Yes. How can we cultivate a growth mindset and challenge some limiting beliefs that we might have that might be holding us back from achieving? Not even our fitness goals, but living our best life.

SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I think that I think the beginning of a mindset shift begins with the reason why you would want to shift your mindset in the first place. your audience is, they're carving out a new existence for themselves, possibly for the first time in their life, where they're deciding the kind of life that they want to live for the rest of their lives. They're basically carving out the second half of their lives. And so to really have a clear vision as to why anybody wants to change their mind to begin with, That's the first thing. So it's that, like, why would you want to change your mind to begin with? And then also this understanding that we do have limiting beliefs. Your life, our lives, look exactly like the belief that we have about ourselves. And belief work is the number one thing that will shift whether or not we make changes in our life. If we do not believe that we can and if we do not believe that we're worthy of that change, nothing is going to change. And then the third part for me is a great deal of compassion, understanding that the way that we've been programmed, the way that society has been programmed, the way that our stories have played out in our lives. For me, at my time where I was weighing myself excessively, it felt like death to have a fat role on my body. It felt like failure. And so to understand the stories that we have playing in the background that are driving our current reality and have a lot of compassion for that. Of course, I'm going to think that. Of course, I'm going to struggle with having a healthy body image when my whole entire life, I thought that having a good body was the ultimate success and I would be worthy when. Yes. and to make tiny practices. So maybe you wear the crop top in a safe place at the gym, maybe or at barre3. Maybe you decide that, hey, in my backyard, I'm going to practice wearing that thong that I think is going to make my butt look like a thong. Yeah, yeah. Practicing there and then you have to know this is the biggest thing that people don't do. You have to calculate in advance the discomfort that you're going to have in that moment and not be surprised or feel like anything has gone wrong when you feel highly uncomfortable. Yes. Like, it's all part of it. It's just like you understand when you pick up a heavy weight, you're going to have that moment where it feels uncomfortable. And as long as it's good on your joints and you feel that burn in your muscles, withstanding that discomfort is something you know is going to happen. Same with trying on any of these new beliefs, trying on the bathing suit, wearing the crop top, wearing whatever you want to rock because you're 50 or whatevs in between. What are you, 45? And like the midlife is like 45 to 80. Dictionary will tell you it's 40 to 60.

SPEAKER_00: I think it's a mindset. Yeah. Because I think the women that are coming up behind us there. And when I say a mindset, it's when you realize you get one shot at this life and you better stop doing what everyone is expecting of you and figure out what it is you want to do. Like, what do you actually want to do? Not what you've been conditioned to want, not what your parents told you you should want, not what the neighbors think you should want, but what is it you actually want? And once you get crystal clear on that, then how are you going to live your life that serves you? Yes. And the women that are coming up behind us, they aren't sticking with the soul sucking jobs. They're not staying in relationships that aren't serving them. They're not adopting it. They're not in these roles that aren't benefiting them for the long term. Yeah, they might be there for a little bit. But so I think because I think it's a mindset, I think it's starting earlier. And I agree with Brene Brown, who says midlife starts whenever it starts. And then it essentially goes to the end of your life because you're constantly making these changes or changing how you're doing things. You're having new experiences. So long as you keep questioning things and having new experiences, you're in midlife, according to me.

SPEAKER_01: I love that and I will adopt that as my new definition. I that that was that was what I experienced.

SPEAKER_00: Yeah. Midlife, let's, okay, so let's go here. Midlife is a period of transition for everyone, whether that's in our careers or our marriages or our families. In your experience, what is it about moving our bodies that helps women navigate these challenges and transitions in their personal and professional lives?

SPEAKER_01: In my experience, and at this time, a big theme in my life and in the life of my fitness clients is the woo word is embodiment. But the way that I define that is when you're in a fitness class, you get to act out in your body things that feel unsafe. Themes like failure, right? In a fitness class, for the purpose of getting stronger, failure is the goal. When you experience your muscles at failure in a safe place, your body codes that into itself, that failure is safe. There is a thing called collective joy that we're missing from society. And it's this phenomena where you're working out alongside somebody and you don't know them at all, but you guys are moving to the same beat, you're moving and breathing at the same rhythm, and you experience this deep connection with the person that you're in that group fitness class with. When we feel more connected to ourselves by being able to experience these risky things like failure, right? When we're able to connect to other people, especially those that we don't know, that increases the likelihood of us feeling connected to other parts of our life. When we experience connection to the present moment through mindfulness in a fitness class. In a barre3 class, you're feeling connected to your body because you feel the burn. All of a sudden, you're no longer distracted by your to-do list and all the problems in your life. You are focused in present moment awareness. You're connected to the other people in the class, so you feel the sense of community. You feel less lonely, and loneliness kills more people than smoking a pack of cigarettes a day. And then this keeping our promises to ourself of coming to the class and creating a sense of trust with yourself, again, helps you be more resilient. in the other parts of your life, right? If you know that you can, this is going a little bit deeper, but if you know that you can try something and fail and still have your own back, just like you do in a fitness class, or if you know that, yeah, you have a big thing coming, but you've done big things before, you created this fitness practice where you sign up for classes and you show up for classes and you prioritize yourself. I just feel like the impact, the ripple effect of that, not only are you showing the people in your sphere, right? You're modeling that behavior to the people that are most important to you. But it's just that powerful, the power that we're all looking for in this season of life where we have a way of affecting change and our day to day in a good way.

SPEAKER_00: You talked a lot about failure, and I think Gen Xers in particular, but women of course, but Gen Xers in particular, because of the way the messages that we received when we were young, get to midlife. And it, it seems to me that we need to rewrite our relationship with failure because it's always been this very black or white, did you succeed or not? Because if you didn't succeed, then that means you failed. Yes. And the metaphor that you're talking about with it's not even a metaphor. It's actually what happens with muscles is that you have to take them to failure. They're going to break down so that they can build up. And so many of us haven't had that experience where A lot of times maybe we'll sit, we'll sit back thinking we're going to just watch from the sidelines until we're pretty sure that we can do something. And because we don't want to be seen, right? Yeah. We don't want to fail. And getting very comfortable with this idea that failure is OK. Failure, in fact, is the goal. Failure is the goal. That that is going to help women grow in ways much further that go well beyond the fitness studio.

SPEAKER_01: I want to touch base on visibility, because whether it's barre3 or any other group fitness class, visibility is another thing that we practice in class, because especially in an environment where modifications or doing something different than the instructor has cued or doing something different than their neighbor. For example, I have a total knee replacement. And sometimes I need to modify and take a different pathway than the person that I'm working on alongside of. And I'm doing that in a group in front of a great big mirror. And when we can practice showing up different from our neighbor, especially in a fitness class where there's like body image issues and a big, huge mirror and performance, whatever, and our mindset of if you're not doing it exactly the way that you've been prescribed, that means that you're failing. When we do that in a fitness class, this is another way to practice becoming visible.

SPEAKER_00: What's so interesting is even though there is that big mirror in the front and everyone's doing generally the same thing. Yeah. I don't have the experience that I am looking around trying to figure out, is she doing it right? Am I doing it right? Who's doing it differently and who is not doing, who's not doing it correctly? Um, it's amazing how in that setting, even though there's this big mirror in front of you, You don't take the time to actually look around and compare yourself. I know you had talked about it was the first time in that plank when you went to your first class where you could stop the chatter. But it's really impressive to me that I can go and it's not about comparison. Why do you think that is? No, I I think that it's a very comfortable atmosphere. And I'm going to I'm going to ask you a question about that in just a sec, because I think that's where we should end. But it's I don't care. I know what I am there for. And it's for me to move my body in a way and get stronger and really just have an hour to myself that it doesn't really, I'm not sure. I will say that when I've gone to other gyms, and I know that this isn't a gym, this is a boutique fitness studio, a new term that I learned, But a lot of times I would think, oh my gosh, these tights just aren't fitting right. Or look at how big my ass looks in these tights. Or I've got this belly roll. But I just don't feel that in your studio. So it's, it's a pretty special place. So moving, let's pick up from there. I have to say you've done an absolutely masterful job of creating these incredible communities in your studios. They're warm and they're welcoming and they're brightly colored and they're super clean. And whenever you walk in, you're always greeted with a smile, usually by name, which is incredible to me that even on day two, someone would know my first name. It's really more like walking into a close friend's house instead of going to a fitness facility. So clearly you're a master at creating community. So I guess I want to know what your secret is. How can we create this supportive community of women of, you said, different ages and different demographics and different body shapes and sizes and all the things. How can we create that community so that we can use it to support ourselves and keep the momentum going to continue to show up for ourselves?

SPEAKER_01: There are, so thank you for speaking back to me, the things that are Everything that you spoke back to me, I wanted, I want every client when they walk through my studio doors to feel exactly the way that you've described. So thank you for speaking that back to me. I think there's a few things that, so I just, I, my core value is everyone seen and everyone served. And to see people is an art and it's a science, but it really takes Stepping off or stepping out of autopilot and pausing in the moment and what you witness, looking up to see the client, looking them in the eyes. We do have practices behind that. We take a client's picture. We take a look at the notes before class. We are always looking to connect each client with the other clients in the studio. Because it's more than just you being connected to the staff, but it's you being connected to the other teammates in class. So I've created an intentional community. And for me, it goes back to my first plank. In that moment, when my mental chatter stopped, I had this thought, every woman needs this. And the best way for me to create an environment where other women get to experience one time or forever, it doesn't matter to me. I've really let go of that. People are with me for either one class or they're with me for the rest of their lives. Creating an environment where everyone's seen and everyone's served is mindset, but it's also practical steps. Everybody on the team knows that's the goal. We're always trying to create that. We're always looking for ways to connect a client to another. Oh, I did this with you. I'm like, oh, worry, you need to meet someone. And we're always looking to help that person's experience be more enriched by connecting with the other people in class. Also, this is bananas, science shows that breathwork and mindfulness creates an environment where another person is less likely to judge somebody who is different from themselves. Which was one of my number one reasons for opening a studio was to create a little tiny community where people would experience non-judgment, be accepted for whatever their beliefs are, be accepted for whatever they were, like a true non-favoritism sort of climate. So it doesn't matter if somebody walks in, people walk into my studio and I don't know who they are. And then I find out who they are, and they get the exact same treatment as somebody who doesn't have the same reputation or status within the community. I know that other barre3 studios, they have similar ways of delivering on this, because all of the studio owners that I know, we believe this. And there have been, or may be, current president's wives that practice bar three. And there are celebrities that practice bar three, and everybody is equal as far as we are concerned as studio owners, but especially me. I have really tried to create a culture that allows for multi-generations to work out next to each other, multi-socioeconomic levels to work out next to each other. Because I feel like that just is, when we see people who are like us, but also when we see people who are different from us, that creates something really special.

SPEAKER_00: You have definitely succeeded there. It really is a special place. Thank you. Thank you for being a part of it. Oh, thanks. Um, for our listeners who want to learn more about, we obviously, we didn't talk much about that.

SPEAKER_01: Sorry. Please hold. Kids are home. Yes.

SPEAKER_00: For our listeners who want to learn more about working with you, obviously, if you're not in Boise or Treasure Valley, you can't stop by one of Jen's studios. But I think you probably have a good idea of if you're looking for business coaching in particular, I think you have received a good flavor of how Jen approaches just about everything in her life. And it's with this very open heart and heart centered work mind. She's a really stellar human. So if The listeners want to learn more about how to find you, how to work with you. Where can they find you? I actually have a website now.

SPEAKER_01: Yay! I'm so proud of myself. I had a goal, a revenue goal, before I created my website because I didn't want to get distracted by procrastibranding. Yes. So you can go to JenBobodzhanov.com. You'll have to go and look at the way it's spelled in the show notes. But you can also follow me on Instagram. It's at JenuinJoy, J-E-N-U-I-N-J-O-Y.

SPEAKER_00: We will make sure that there are clickable links in the show notes for all of the ways in which you can get in touch with Jen. We end every episode on the School of Midlife podcast with the same two questions. Are you ready? Yes. So question one is if you could go back to your 30 year old self, knowing everything that you know to this point, having learned all of the life, hard to say today, life lessons that you have learned with all of the life experience, what advice would you give her?

SPEAKER_01: I would tell her that nobody has it together for real. Nobody has it all together. Everybody looks like they have it all together. And everybody's brain and their thoughts are doing the same thing.

SPEAKER_00: Interesting. Thank you for sharing that. 

SPEAKER_01: Yeah. I thought I was a very special case and my brain was broken. And that was not the case. Everybody that I coach has exactly the same thoughts that I had at that age. And everybody is going through the same thing.

SPEAKER_00: No question about that. Absolutely. Question number two, what have you loved most about being a midlife woman? 

SPEAKER_01: Oh, my goodness. I love understanding and being able to act upon creating the exact life experience that I want.

SPEAKER_00: That's what we do at the School of Midlife, right? We figure out ways to make midlife our best life. And it's freeing in midlife to be able to do that because we have the experience and the knowledge and I think we just don't, we don't care what people think anymore. It's important to do what we want to do. Yep. Jen, it has been an absolute pleasure having you here today.

SPEAKER_01: Thank you so much for this conversation. Oh, so good. I love what you're doing. Your listeners are so lucky to have you.

SPEAKER_00: Do you ever wish you had a community of midlife women you could go talk to about those big life questions that seem to pop up in midlife? Like, what do I want? What's my legacy? What's next for me? A community of women to have candid conversations with about all the things that come at us in midlife that no one else seems to be talking about. Changes in our bodies related to menopause, sure, but also changes in our relationships and family life and careers. Well, great news. The School of Midlife has launched a book club called Your Next Chapter. Each month, we'll be reading and discussing books that relate to the unique experiences of midlife women. It's absolutely free to join, and we'd love to have you meet up with us and add your voice to these important discussions. And this isn't like other book clubs, because if you didn't have time to finish the book, but you're still interested in the conversation, absolutely join us anyway because you'll still get so much out of the conversation. The book club is free to join, but you'll need to sign up. Click the sign up link in the show notes and you'll automatically receive your invitation to join us. Get signed up, grab this month's book, and start reading. And we'll look forward to seeing you at the next book club discussion, where together, we're helping each other make midlife our best life.