Why C+ Holidays Are the Best Holidays [Replay]

In this episode, Laurie is talking about how embracing imperfection can minimize some of the stress and burnout of the holidays. She's discussing the importance of giving yourself permission to have a "C+ Holiday." For the Straight-A students, this concept may feel a little strange, but C's are passing grades. By using Laurie's planning framework, you can create A+ holiday experiences for yourself and others...with C+ effort.

Let this be the year that you write your own permission slip to focus your time and attention only on the things that will bring you the most joy this season...and let everything else go.

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Transcript

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Hey there. It's Laurie. Real quick before we get into this week's episode. Do any of the sound like you. You have everything you always thought you ever wanted. Career family, nice house, nice cars stamps in your passport. But it still feels like something's missing in your life. You're not quite sure what it is, but it just feels like you were made for something more. Or maybe you constantly feel like you need to learn one more thing, chase, one more achievement, earn one more accolade to make your life complete. You're always searching for the next right answer to find the fulfillment and happiness and satisfaction. You've always been looking for. Or maybe you feel like the planning never ends. There's always one more thing. To do or accomplish or get in place before you can take time for yourself. If you can relate to any of these, even a little bit. I want to make sure that you know about the free trainings that I'm hosting in December. Join me live to discover the three simple principles, every midlife woman, including you. Needs to know, to stop waiting until retirement or when the kids leave the house or when the time is right or someday. And start living her best life right now. You'll also learn how to become a part of the next cohort of the Gap Year. Starting in January, 2025. The Gap Year is a school of mid-life 12 month experience-based coaching program for high-performing midlife women to figure out who they are, what they actually want. And what matters most to them in this season of life. So plan to join me for the free live trainings in December. To learn how women everywhere are creating their best life in midlife. And skipping the midlife crisis. These trainings are free to join, but you must register to get the link. Grab your seat now with the clickable link in the show notes, or go to www.schoolofmidlife.com forward slash training to get signed up. That's www.schoolofmidlife.com forward slash training T R a I N I N G to get signed up. Let's make midlife your best life and let's get started now. I'll see you in December. Now let's get into this week's episode. Welcome to the School of Midlife podcast. I'm your host, Laurie Reynoldson. This is the podcast for the midlife woman who starting to ask herself big life questions. Like, what do I want? Is it too late for me? And what's my legacy beyond my family and my work. Each week we're answering these questions and more. At the School of Midlife, we're learning all of the life lessons they didn't teach us in school and we're figuring out finally what it is we want to be when we grow up. Let's make midlife your best life. Hey there. It's Laurie. Welcome back to the School of Midlife podcast. Today we're talking about why the best holidays are C+ holidays. You probably already know this, but your perfectionist tendencies, coupled with your people, pleasing tendencies are causing you undue stress always, but especially during the holidays. So in this episode I'm going to encourage you to embrace a little imperfection this year. We're going to start this episode a little differently than others. We're going to start with a visualization. Obviously, if you're driving, don't do this. Pause the episode, come back later because I want you to be safe. But for everyone else. Find yourself in a comfortable seated position. Have your feet flat on the floor? Your hands in your lap or beside you. And when you're ready. Close your eyes. Take a few deep breaths in through your nose. And out through your mouth. Two more. Let's inhale. And exhale. Last one. Inhale. And exhale. Drop your shoulders down. And continue to breathe normally. Now, imagine yourself on the evening at the end of the big holiday push. Whether for you. That's the last day of Hanukkah or Christmas Eve or Christmas day. You are in the place that. If you had had. Your perfect holiday day. This is where you'd be. You're warm and comfortable. You're settled. You're happy. You're content. You've done it. You've made it through. You've brought so much joy to everyone around you. And the bonus, your feeling, all of that joy and contentment for yourself. As you sit there. You realize that this has been your favorite holiday season to date? On the wall in front of you begins an old time movie theater countdown. 10. Nine. Eight. Seven. Six. Five. For. Three. Too. One. The movie begins. The movie that plays on the screen in front of you are scenes from the last several weeks since Thanksgiving. These are the weeks and the moments that have made up your favorite holiday to date. Watch yourself. See yourself in the scenes. How have you spent those last couple of weeks? What have you done to celebrate the holidays this year? What experiences have you had? Who were you with? Where have you gone? It's been your favorite holiday to date? So, what have you done differently this year? Maybe there were invitations that you decided to decline. Maybe there were things that you've always done that you chose not to do this year. What were the moments that were the most special for you? Every scene that you watch fills you deeper with joy. And contentment. This really has been the best holiday season. Ever. The scenes continue. One after another. Beautiful moments. Best holiday. Ever. When you feel ready, bring your awareness back to the present. Wiggle your fingers and toes. And finally open your eyes. If you have a piece of paper handy. You might want to pause the podcast and jot down what you envisioned during that exercise. If you don't have paper handy, you can also open the note section on your phone or leave yourself a voice message. But what's important here. Is to take note of what you saw in that movie. Those were the experiences you wish to have this holiday season. Y take note. Because I guarantee you that you'll find yourself at a point this season that feels more stressful than you want it to. When you feel burned out when you feel overwhelmed? And this will be a good place to come back to. You can remind yourself. How you felt when you were watching this film? you can then start asking yourself. When you don't feel that way during the next couple of weeks, what are you trying to force? What are you trying to do too much of. What are you trying to make? Perfect. Let's start there. I will bet if I were a betting person. And I'm not, but I'll bet that what you watched on that film didn't include you staying up way too late, too perfectly wrapped the last couple of gifts. Or it didn't include you rebating and redecorating the sugar cookies because they weren't perfectly decorated the first time. And I'll bet that it didn't include redoing the decorations on the tree. Because they weren't perfectly placed. Now maybe if you have a cat or a new puppy who pulls the tree down, then maybe you do have to redecorate the tree. But for most of us, I bet that film did not include redoing rebating redecorating. Re wrapping. Redoing anything. So my question to you then is. Why do we spend so much time and effort making the holidays? Perfect. Those aren't the memories you'll carry with you. Instead you'll remember what you did. Who you were with how you felt. your focus is on perfection, which for many of us, that is where our focus has been for years. You're going to miss out on the moments. So. I'm going to invite you. To have a C plus holiday this year. And in doing so I want to remind you that a C is a passing grade. I know you straight a students out there. You probably have forgotten that, but CS get degrees. Uh, C is 70%. So that is above average. You can have a perfectly festive, perfectly enjoyable, perfectly memorable holiday. Without the pressure of making everything perfect. And here's one more thing to think about. There was a link between perfectionism. And people pleasing. This belief that you must meet everyone's expectations. So that you don't disappoint people. And for many of us. Me included. We've spent a chunk of our lives in this perfectionism people pleasing cycle. And it's time to move away from it. So let's start with what is perfectionism. Perfectionism is defined as an irrational desire or tendency to do everything flawlessly. Setting excessively high standards that are nearly impossible to achieve. Listen to those words again. Your rational desire. Flawless. Excessively high standards. Nearly impossible to achieve. And yet. These are the standards we hold ourselves to. Not other people. We don't expect them to be perfect. We don't expect them to host the perfect holiday party. It's just us. Get a, we expect. To, to do everything flawlessly to excessively high standards. That are nearly impossible to achieve. In doing so in, in. Wearing that perfectionist. Label. We constantly feel. Intense pressure. To meet. Impractical goals that we've set for ourselves. Whether that involves. Say, cleaning it already. Tidy house or striving for flawless performance at work. Let's let's talk about cleaning it already. Tidy house. There's a difference between picking the crap off the floor, carrying the shoes upstairs, instead of leaving them on the bottom, stair, putting the dishes away in the dishwasher. That makes sense. I mean, you have to tidy up the house. Before. Cleaning it or before the cleaning lady comes. My grandmother. Bless her heart used to clean the house before the housekeeper would come each week because. Whatever would the housekeeper think If the carpets weren't vacuumed. Or the countertops weren't spotless. So you see that there's a difference, right? You don't necessarily have to clean an already tidy house. Maybe you have to tidy it up, but you don't have to clean it. When we think about perfectionist mindsets. They tend to trace. Back to childhood. Oftentimes this mindset develops when children internalize the criticism of demanding or controlling or overbearing parents, because they have. Lived with their parents saying things like that's not good enough, or you could have done better, or maybe you should have done better. And worst of all I think is I'm disappointed in you. When children hear those statements early on. They are conditioned to then to believe that their worth is tied to being better. Or being perfect. As adult you have probably heard or seen posts that say things like you are enough. And I know a lot of women dismiss that sentiment because they think, of course I am enough. I don't want to hear that anymore. I mean, we're all enough. We are high performing high achieving women. Of course we're enough. But interestingly underneath that surface, There's this subconscious reel of. That's not good enough. That we have equated to I'm not good enough. Or you could have done better. Which equates to this. Constant questioning about our own. Worth and value. That we're not even aware of. Which then leads to this idea that being best or better. Or perfect is the only way to be worthy. And we've been spending our entire lives. Trying to add up. To gain that worthiness. That early conditioning also leads to this irrational fear of making mistakes. And anxiety around meeting sky high expectations in all areas of our life, because good. Isn't good enough. We're constantly striving to do more. And be more. And as you know, Little girls grow into women. And many of us have brought that perfectionist outlook with us. And along with that comes, this entrenched mental framework that feels. Almost impossible to overcome. Even when perfectionist logically understand that their expectations are unreasonable and that they wouldn't have them of any, uh, we wouldn't hold the same. Unreasonable expectations of other people. We still struggle. To shake those deep rooted. fears of failure. What happens if. We relaxed those standards. What happens if things aren't perfect. Many of us don't know, because the last time we did that, the feedback was. That's not good enough or you could have done better. Or you should have done better. Which means there's this harsh inner critic. Remember that subconscious real. I mentioned. Well, that inner critic is constantly scrutinizing our actions. And if those actions aren't perfect. Then as women. We experienced feelings of shame. And judgment. and inadequacy, whenever we try to be less precise. Another unintended consequence. Is when a perfectionist is busy pursuing flawlessness. They're actually robbing themselves of living in. And enjoying the moment. Because they're focused on creating a perfect moment. For everyone else. Curating the perfect experience. Making life look just like what we see in the movies or on social media. Creating the most perfect. Curated experience. And because things rarely go perfectly. These women end up feeling stressed and depleted. And often joyless because the work of achieving perfection is never done. Which brings me to the fact that the holidays are the perfect time for perfectionist tendencies to surface. Why. Because midlife women. Feel this pressure to make the holidays magical for everyone. Not only do we have our own kids and our own parents. And in-laws. But we have our friends and our coworkers and the people at church and our favorite baristas. And the nail professional that we work with. And we're constantly. Asking ourselves, how can we create magical moments for everyone around us? How can we surprise them this holiday season? How can we make this season? More perfect. For them. How might this look during the holidays? See if any of these resonate with you or maybe all of them do. You spend your time buying the perfect gifts. So. Spending time. Creating the perfect list. Figuring out the perfect gifts for everyone on that list. Wrapping them. So that the paper lines lineup. Perfectly. Finding the perfect tree. Then pleasing the ornaments, just so, so that there's no bare spot. That the similar ornaments aren't too close together that the tree looks great from every angle. Outside the lights are perfectly spaced and pointing all in the same direction. And for the lights that are not on the house, there are no random strings of lights on the ground between the bushes, because of course we have to hide. Those cords so that the outdoor lights look perfectly Hong. And then there's choosing the perfect holiday attire for every cocktail party, holiday open house and get together. And of course we need to be careful not to wear the same thing twice, because what happens if we run in to someone that we saw at another party? What about taking the perfect family photo for the cards so that you can. Spend. And in order and amount of time putting together the holiday card online. Getting the thoughts and the printing, just so. Making sure that they're back from the printers on time so that you can get them in the envelopes. addressed and in the mail. So that they're all sent out and received on time. Booking tickets for the Nutcracker and making reservations at a favorite restaurant beforehand. So you could create the perfect day for someone special in your life. Creating the perfect holiday dinner with everyone's favorite dishes. How do I know? This happens. How do I know that these things are a reality that we women do during the holidays? Because I've done every single one of these myself. I am guilty. Of doing all of these things myself. But I will let you know. That. It was before the pandemic. I'm going to say probably five years ago now. There was a time where I just decided, you know, what. I can't keep doing this. I can't keep. Trying to create this perfect holiday one, because there is no such thing as a perfect holiday. At number two. All I was doing was. Stressing myself out, experiencing incredible burnout. A lot of overwhelm. And. Frankly, some disappointment because there's so much lead up. To the holidays. And there is so much energy and emotion invested in getting ready for the holiday. That. It comes so quickly. And I found that when I was always in a doing mode and trying to make things. Just so. That. I wasn't. Enjoying any of it. I was finding myself. Underwhelmed. While being also being overwhelmed. But it, it just felt like. It was too much. It was too much. And so then I had to spend the week between Christmas and new years. Trying to recover because I was exhausted. I was burned out. And. I just decided probably about five years ago that I didn't want to spend my holidays that way. What I adopted at. That point was what I like to call the C plus holiday. It's good enough. It's still passing. It's still a very good holiday. But what's beautiful about it is it's this C plus effort. For an a plus experience. Not only for the people around me. But for me, My C plus effort actually created a fantastic experience for everyone else and an a plus experience for me. So what does a C plus holiday look like? This is where if you've listened to some of my other episodes, Or if you have been in any of my. Coaching sessions. This is where my planning frameworks come in really handy. Aye. Planning is like my superpower. Um, I can figure out how to plan anything. Uh, so I've got these frameworks that, that are very, very helpful and they. We'll help you to. Create this. A-plus experience for yourself with C plus effort. The first thing I want you to do is make a list of all of the things you want to do between now. And Christmas Eve or Christmas day. you can certainly add things that you want to do between Christmas and new year's to. But that's, that's always kind of been a catch-up week, right? It's the week where there are days when you don't get out of your pajamas until the late afternoon binge watch. Some TV shows watch a bunch of movies, head outdoors for long walks, or to test out the new ski equipment. Maybe you go snowshoeing. It's a vacation week for most people. It's it's that week where you lose track of what day it is. So. Most of us have more free time. And. The stress of the buildup for the holidays. It's over. During that week. So. The list. Is all of the things you want to do between now and Christmas. put everything on there. Bake and decorate gingerbread houses. Go ice skating. Take the kids to see Santa. Go to the Christmas concert at the church. Go caroling. Host a holiday party. All of the things that you want to do between now and Christmas, put them on the list. And then once you've made that list. Go back through and circle the things that you must do this holiday season. Like for you, it absolutely will not be the holidays without those things. You can't circle them all though. Remember, we are trying for maximum impact. With less than maximum energy. And also, I bet that if you're being honest with yourself, Those past holidays, the ones that have left you tired and exhausted and stressed out, frustrated, burned out. You were probably trying to do everything on that list. And we're trying to go for something a little different this year. So instead of circling everything on the list, go back. And ask yourself. What are the things you must do? Probably you actually saw many of those things in. The film you were watching about your best holiday season. What are those things? What are the things you must do? Once you've made the list and figured out what your must do items are. Put those on your calendar. Actually get them scheduled. Things can be very specific, like a wreath making class with Jen or drinks with besties or shopping with husband or Nutcracker performance. They can also be very vague because on your must do list, you might have had something like activity with friends. You might not know what that is or when exactly it will happen. But block out the time now so that you have it saved. I would. Suggest that when you're scheduling these things, Allocate more time than you think you need. Especially if you're being crafty. Or cooking something. Actually, you know, what? Add more time to everything because traffic and lines at stores and parking lots, everything takes more time right now. So. Get everything on the calendar, get everything scheduled. And then once all of your must do's are on the calendar. Figure out. If you have extra time for the nice to haves, these are the things that didn't make the must-do list. But. They'd still be nice. They'd still be fun to do if you could fit them in. Uh, Think about this though, just because it's the holidays doesn't mean you can only schedule fun things. So don't forget about. End of your work commitments when you're looking at your calendar and thinking, oh yeah, I've got all of this plenty of extra time. I'm going to, I'm going to fill my calendar with not only the must do's but also the nice to haves. So make sure you get the must do's on the calendar. You get the end of work commitments and then figure out if you have time for the nice to haves. And then I guess I challenge you. Remember a couple of episodes back when we were talking about time boundaries that now. During the holidays. I only allow myself to. Holiday activities per week, because otherwise it was just getting to be too much. So if you liked that idea of only committing to two or three or four holiday commitments per week, Then you need to check what you've just put on your calendar against those time boundaries. You've claimed. Which means you might need to actually adjust or take some things off of your calendar. Because. Remember, we are. Setting healthy boundaries. We're claiming them. And we are also holding onto them so that our physical and mental wellbeing. Are in good stead over the holidays as well. Here's the hard part. So we've got everything scheduled. I need you to let go of everything else. I'm going to say that again, because I'm sure. Some of you are freaking out right now. What do you mean? Like go of everything else. If it's not a must-do. And it's not a nice to have that. You have time for. Let it go. Your holiday will not. Live or die by the things you didn't do. But. your physical and mental wellbeing are going to be so much better off if you're not trying to cram everything in. To a finite amount of time. Maybe you don't send holiday cards this year. Maybe instead. You do a social media post to. Most everyone that's already on your holiday card list. Maybe you decide not to bake the cinnamon rolls for breakfast this year. You actually can go to a bakery and you can buy them. And they're pretty good. Maybe you're not the person who buys all the gifts and make sure they're wrapped in mailed. Instead, maybe you divvy up the list. Let other people get involved. In fact, if the people on your lists are adults. Think about making a donation. In their name to their favorite charity. Because most of us already have everything we need or want. I am recording this episode just as the holiday season has, has kicked off. So we've had black Friday and shop small Saturday. I don't know what Sunday was, but you can. I'm sure there was something Sunday, the cyber Monday. If they really wanted something that they could buy, they've probably already bought it for themselves because it's been on sale for the last week. Maybe instead of giving gifts this year, you get together with your group of friends and you sponsor a family. So in that case, you're actually. Doing something with your friends. So that time that you blocked out to do something for them, Um, you. Are not buying them gifts instead, you are doing some good together. So you're making. Some beautiful collective memories as a group. And you're, you're doing something good for someone in your community that isn't as well off as you are. Maybe you postpone all of the, oh gosh. Let's get together for drinks. Let's get to, let's go have a cocktail. Maybe you put that off until January or February. Because there are no rules that say you have to get together with everyone and anyone before the end of the year. That's what letting go. Uh, things could look like. And here's my final challenge to you. Pick a date on your calendar to be done with everything. And. Anything that isn't done by that date? Just doesn't get done. There will come a time when. Everything will still be great. Everything will still be almost perfect. For everyone else. But. You can also enjoy yourself. Remember when you were in school. And there was a field trip. Or there was a special science project or there was an activity that was beyond the regular curriculum. That you needed a permission slip. To take part in or to attend or go on the field trip. Remember the permission slips. Your parents would sign a permission slip and you would submit it to the teacher or the school to do what it was. This, this extracurricular thing. Maybe this is the year that you write your own permission slip, you write your own permission. Slip. Two. Do the things you want to this year. In a C plus way. You give yourself a permission slip that allows you to let go of. Traditions that are no longer serving you activities that aren't bringing you joy. The hectic. Hustle bustle. Go do all the things, see all the things by all the things. You give yourself permission to let go of that. I promise you. You can have an, a plus experience this holiday season with C plus effort. Even your C plus effort. While it may feel like you're slacking off a bit too. You is still going to create. Absolute magic for the people around you. But the bonus here. Your going to get to enjoy it too. Because you'll be in the moment. You will find yourself living out that film that you envisioned at the beginning of the episode. Give yourself the gift of a C plus holiday this season. And please let me know. What are you giving up? What are you going to give up so that you can focus your time and attention? On the things that will really move the needle and will really make for the most spectacular holiday season this year, I would love to know. Drop me a DM. Thanks so much for being here i will look forward to seeing you next week when the school of midlife is back in session Thank you so much for listening to the School of Midlife podcast. It means so much to have you here each week. If you enjoyed this episode, could you do me the biggest favor and help us spread the word to other midlife women? There are a couple of easy ways for you to do that first. And most importantly, if you're not already following the show, would you please subscribe? That helps you because you'll never miss an episode. And it helps us because you'll never miss an episode. Second, if you'd be so kind to leave us a five-star rating, that would be absolutely incredible. And finally, I personally read each and every one of your reviews. So if you take a minute and say some nice things about the podcast, well, that's just good karma. Thanks again for listening. I'll see you right back here. Next week when the School of Midlife is back in session until then take good care.