Showing Up For Yourself w/Colleen Pelar

In episode 12 of season 2, host Mandy Boutelle engages in an insightful conversation with Colleen Pelar, a veteran dog trainer and an expert in combating burnout and compassion fatigue among pet professionals. Colleen recounts her journey, which began in dog training in 1991, leading up to her current focus on mental health for pet professionals. She opens up about the personal challenges that catalyzed a reevaluation of her work-life balance, and how these experiences shaped her approach to fostering mental well-being in others. 

Colleen emphasizes the importance of setting realistic expectations, both in personal and professional life, and shares strategies for managing these demands while maintaining a sense of joy and fulfillment in one's work.

The episode delves deeper as Colleen discusses the nuances of prioritizing mental health in the pet training industry. She explains her transition from traditional dog training to supporting other trainers in their mental health journeys, offering practical, actionable steps to prevent and recover from burnout. Mandy reflects on how the conversation left her feeling inspired and more compassionate towards herself. The episode highlights Colleen's podcast "Unleashed Pet Professionals," a resource dedicated to this vital aspect of the industry.

Listeners will find valuable insights and “nuggets” of wisdom in this episode, relevant not just for pet professionals but for anyone seeking a balanced and fulfilling professional life.
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Checkout her YouTube Channel- @colleenpelar8526
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Listen to- UNLEASHED (at work & home) with Colleen Pelar
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Transcript

0:07

. Welcome back to the Leashed Mind podcast. I am your host, Mandy Boutelle. On today's episode, I have a conversation with Colleen Pelar, who is a seasoned dog trainer and expert in addressing burnout and compassion fatigue among pet professionals. Colleen shares her journey from starting dog training in 91 to her present focus on helping pet professionals prioritize their mental health. She discusses the challenges she faced, which led to her to re evaluate her approach to work and both life. She also delves into the nuances of setting realistic expectations for success. Both personal and professional life, highlighting how these strategies are essential for humans as they are for the animals they train and care for. This conversation provides a relatable perspective on managing personal and professional demands while fostering a sense of joy and fulfillment in the work. So, if you may not have heard of Colleen Pilar, she has been the OG when it comes to talking mental health in the training industry. She has a podcast geared towards that. I will plug that in the show notes. It's going to be mentioned a ton in the episode. she talks about that, but also she's kind of steered her career to help lift up and Help trainers kind of I yeah, I'd say celebrate mental health when it comes to how they prioritize it in their business and finding actual achievable steps in how to prioritize that because a lot of times people will just say, Oh, this is what you need to do. You'll be less stressed, but Colleen has actionable. steps to follow and help support you with your mental health journey in your business. Because a lot of times we get burnt out and Colleen works very hard to help other professionals avoid that and prevent that while also bouncing back from burnout, because a lot of us. It happens. We're human. So I hope you take away several nuggets from this episode because it's so beneficial. I know I walked away from it feeling very inspired and nicer to myself after this. So let's get into the episode. Colleen, oh, it's been a long time coming. I have had you on my calendar for a while. We've had so many scheduling blips, but I'm excited to finally be talking with you. So thank you so much for coming on the podcast. I'm so happy to be here. So, for those that may not know you, may not have listened to your podcast, Unleashed Pet Professionals, can you share a little bit from your background and just where you were kind of going over the whole mental health thing within the industry? I started dog training in 1991 and Loved it and also found it really hard because there were so many clients that I would worry about, you know, long after the session was over, I would be thinking, how's it going? I wonder if it's working. I wonder if they're able to make the changes they need to make to make this all work out for everyone in the household. Right. And it was, it was really hard and also beautiful and wonderful and awesome. And in 2010, my husband wound up getting an incredibly rare cancer that basically they told us put your lives on hold for a year and then, And then come back. We'll see. And oh God. And it was, it was really jarring to have a doctor say that. and what happened was actually the Jack put his life on hold for a year and then he dove right back in. And I realized I couldn't dive right back in. I just, it wasn't in me. And I saw all of the ways that I had been shaving off parts of myself to accommodate others. And there just wasn't any bandwidth left for me to do that, where I was just like. Nothing left to give. Yeah. And so it took another few years, but I had to really modify everything, that I was doing. And in that process, I wound up doing a lot of work, on the personal growth side, you know, taking classes, doing courses and all sorts of things. And so long evolution turned into that now I work exclusively with pet professionals on burnout and compassion fatigue in ways that we can show up for ourselves in, healthy ways so that we can continue making a difference without burning ourselves out because that's the piece that we get sort of stuck with like they need me to keep going. But when you're fried, just because you're going forward doesn't mean you're working at the level that you could be working at if you were actually taking care of yourself. So it was a long evolution and I don't think there's a finish line for anyone. So I certainly wouldn't say I've got it all figured out. But wow, is my life better than it was when I was really just trying to figure out how not to feel like I was letting everyone down all the time. Oh my gosh, that hit home so hard for me because that is, I think that's why I mean, and you say that so much in your work and podcasts and online that like, that's why we get into this industry is because we feel that call we are it. Big most of us, I would say. I think it's safe to say that we are very empathetic people. That is why we get in this field. We feel big time. We feel for the animals. We feel for the owners, how they navigate it. We get it. We want to get in the trenches with them and help them and lift them up as much as possible. But I think while we have these huge hearts and we give that, we forget the impact it has on us and our mental health and how our cup keeps getting depleted and not refilled. It feels recharging in the moment when you have those interactions with clients and you're doing the work and you're like, Oh, we're making, we're getting somewhere, but it's not recharging enough to keep us going. And then it's just like, We're done. We're tired. We don't want to do it anymore. This sucks. And I feel like we lose that traction and momentum that we gain from those really good moments that all of a sudden we're just like, we can't keep it going. And it's just, it gets harder and harder and we wear on ourselves. That was a long explanation, but with that, it's just, I feel like that is a streamline to getting burnt out. That's why I was a trainer for all of four years before I just was like, I need to figure out something else. and it's cause I gave so much to my clients when I wouldn't be getting that back. But I think it's also a matter of. I don't want to say expectations, but maybe just feeling like you're not doing enough because they're not progressing enough when it's just like, they don't have the same skills and brain and operating system that you have. But when that happens, I swear I'm getting to my point. When that happens, I feel like we just lose that traction. And then it's just, well, I should be doing this. I should. be providing this for them. What am I doing wrong? It's me. I'm the reason they're not being successful. And I feel like that is something we should really discuss for trainers so that they don't have this constant dialogue in their head of the story of they're not doing enough because they're doing so. So much more than I think we even give ourselves credit for so much more so much more And often pushing themselves to the point where if they were to take time to do something that would have been restorative Six months ago a year ago four years ago. It isn't restorative and it actually feels worse So I took the weekend off and I felt terrible or the guilt with it. I was more exhausted or, you know, I just couldn't stop obsessing. And so it's like, so I shouldn't even go to a yoga class or I shouldn't even take a weekend off, or I shouldn't have lunch with a friend because the weight of all that we carry with us comes there too. And unfortunately, the first things that we jettison when we get ourselves overwhelmed are the things that will help us most. So we get into these cycles of, I can't stop, I need to keep going, the fault is mine, I should be doing more. And, and. And we all can see clearly that that's not what we would say to our dear friend who is struggling. I was just thinking that as you said that. If you had like a friend who has the same job, because we all do, we have a colleague who has our same job, who's struggling with all the same things, we do not say to them, well, you know, what you should do is beat yourself up a little bit more and criticize yourself for everything you're doing wrong and ignore everything you've done well. And also, you know, you don't deserve as perfection. Exactly. Yeah. And yet, just because we know that we wouldn't say that to a friend doesn't, doesn't stop us from doing it to ourselves until we do a lot of, uh, internal reframing and to, to recognize, to recognize what you said of like, we really are working so very hard. Right, yeah. Um, and nobody can do everything. What? I know, it's true. Shock. Like, this is. Unrelated story, but I think it's relevant. So, I have a sister whose job is quality assurance, so she's always thinking about quality control, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I was there recently, and her washer died. And she started going, you know, that shouldn't happen because it had an issue once before, and I didn't do something about it. So the problem is mine, that I saw there was an issue, and I didn't take action on it. And I said, Okay, let's just like slow down here. There are 18 houses on our street. I said, Okay, so there's 18 houses. If we were to bring in a CPA, a dog trainer, a dentist, a fitness trainer, and an interior decorator, and just have them walk through. Is anyone going to get a perfect score? Is anyone going to say like, you have done the most amazing job with your taxes and your finances and also your plumbing and also your dog training and also your diet. Fantastic. Look at you a hundred percent. No, we all have to cut our, cut our corner somewhere. We cannot do everything, but we get ourselves hung up on these. Like I should be doing more. I should have not, you know, I shouldn't have let that email sit for 36 hours. I'm a terrible person because they emailed me on Friday afternoon and now it's, oh, it's Tuesday morning and I haven't replied. Oh my gosh. And, and would it be great to reply right away? Sure. Does it, does it mean you're awful if you didn't? No. No, you're human. Yeah. Human. Human. So giving ourselves a little bit of flexibility to recognize like we all have to make choices and our clients do too. So when we're saying, oh, they're not doing their homework. Yeah, but maybe they're doing their taxes, or maybe they're getting a new washing machine. Yeah, right. it's really tough when the responsibility feels like it's all ours, whether there's success or failure, and it can't be all ours. So defining your success by the outcome and solely by the outcome isn't really realistic and intellectually we know that and in our hearts we throw it out. Exactly. And well, and the outcome can always change and it might not have this. Picture perfect way we wanted to end, but maybe it'll be even better, but we don't give ourselves that grace of the unknowing of where it's going and just thinking, this is the end goal. This is what I want. Why doesn't it look like this? Why aren't I there sooner? And I say all this from experience because I've done that to myself so many times. And, you know, Bless my husband. He is such a wonderful human because he is constantly like why are you no one put that pressure on you? And I'm like I did and it's awful and then I take a step back and it's just like well Why am I putting this pressure on myself? No one out there is putting this on me yet somehow this is all my weight to bury and carry and somehow that's reflection of me as a human and my worth and my value and then I get down on myself and then there's the comparison and the shame and it's just, it gets to a point where it's like, well, why am I doing this? There was a point in this journey where I felt really good about it, and it made me feel really good. Why did it change? And I know from experience, it's not finding the right clients, it's giving too much to specific clients that aren't meeting me at the same rate, it's underpaying myself, not giving myself the time off that I deserve. And guilting, because one of the biggest things that I'm still working through is that even if I have a day off, I guilt myself the entire time. And I, I know you're, you're smiling at me right now because I'm sure you hear it plenty and you get it plenty, but I've done it. Yeah, and it's so human to do that, because I think that if we, at least from my perspective, if I don't feel like I am productive in doing something, I feel like it is a waste of my day. If I am a couch potato and am stuck to the couch all day watching Netflix, That was why did I allow that that was a waste of a full 24 hours when it's like I would not say that to a dear friend. I would say oh my god. Yes, you deserve that you work so hard Take like sit your butt down on the couch for eight hours You deserve it if that's what you need, but can't give myself that grace Well, a lot of it comes from childhood too. Like oh absolutely lies really early on or praised for doing things, right? And society well, yeah, doing things the way someone else wants them to be. And so we find ourselves defining our goodness by how much we do. And, you know, like it's all measured by action and what we did and how, and that wasn't. The intent of those people, in most cases, you know, the vast majority of parents were not going into this saying, I would like to raise someone who feels like maybe she's not worthwhile unless she's achieving really great things that are, you know, objectively better than everyone else's and never stops and rests. And yet, when you get the attention for doing things right for me right was a big pattern, like, right, I just sort of freeze up what if I do it wrong. What if, what if I do it wrong. Or I did do it wrong. Yeah, in my case, I was more likely to not do it wrong, but do nothing, which would also be wrong, but like, just as you know, but that there was in my mind, some definition of right. And I needed to spend so much time and energy figuring out what right was and then do it right. And of course I never did it a hundred percent, right. So even if I did it really, really well, and everyone was delighted. That did not include me because I could see the parts that I didn't do right, and I think that that's a huge issue for so many of us that we, that's, that's why we have that gap, like for our friends, we can see like, you did amazing. Perfect? No. Really, really great? Yes. And for ourselves, we're so busy looking at that gap between perfect, which we can imagine, and we're really smart and can picture it and what we did. And they're not the same. And because they're not the same, then, then what we did wasn't good, which is not fair and also totally normal and human. So we have to really work against our, our wiring and our history and our socialization to, to reframe some of that and change the way we process it. Otherwise we do find ourselves beating ourselves up and doing all the things. And of course, we're not wired for this kind of modern society where there's no Dead time or downtime. I mean, like when there was no electricity, guess what people did at night? They read. Yeah, they slept, they read, you know, like they didn't watch TV and scroll. They did not. And they also weren't out in the barn doing 10, 000 jobs of, you know, bailing anything in the dark. They weren't repairing fences in the dark or, you know, they worked when they worked and they rested when they rested and we're now like, okay, well, so I do all my clients during the Business hours and then we do all my emails and all my reading and all my catching up and my stuff in the. Evenings, or the mornings, or the spare time, and there is no spare time anymore. Oh my god, you're saying that, and I'm thinking, I'm like, I don't feel like, like, I have two consecutive days off, I have put that on my schedule, I feel like I deserve that, but I don't feel like one of those is always like a productive day off, and then the other is a resting day off, and I use air quotes because it never is a resting day off, it's usually another day where I clean, but. You know, I have a fixer upper house. So I'm constantly like, what's the next project? Let's do the next thing. And then I'm like, why am I so burnt out and tired and frustrated and hating what I do? Oh. And if a friend was doing that, I'd be like, well, yeah, I didn't give yourself any time off. What are you doing there, buddy? Like, yeah, I think it's just, there was something I was talking to my therapist about and it was just, what did we say? Um, it was about picking up on each other's kind of energy. And how that feeds into us, because I had told her, and this totally applies to situations with clients, with friends, whatever, but I had said that I hung out with some friends over the weekend, and I was just like, I felt really nervous, really anxious, I felt like they didn't like me, I felt like I said all the wrong things, I thought we weren't going to be friends after that, and then she was just like, okay, well, how did your friends seem? And I'm like, well, they seemed a little nervous, they seemed a little anxious too, and she's like, So could it have been that maybe you were picking up on their energy because you do do that when you are in social settings. That is what human beings do. We read each other. We read the room. We are hypervigilant. We pick up so that we know how to have the conversation and continue. So maybe it's not about you and maybe it is, you were just picking up their energy. And maybe the next time you notice that go, is this mine? And if it's not yours, send it back. And I'm like, Oh my God, I've never heard it explained that way, but it totally makes sense because if we think of training situations with clients and where you can pick up vibes, maybe they've had a long day, maybe their kids are wearing on them, maybe they're not getting along with their partner, whatever it is, you can pick up on that. The dog picks up on that. The cat picks up on that. And then it just, it sends the whole vibe into a tizzy and then you're just like, okay, I don't think they're clicking with me. They're not understanding. And then there's just a communication error. And then you're left thinking, well, that all went to hell because I suck. And it's super common for us to pick up on the animal's energy too. Absolutely. I think I think that animal people can do that. And then we hold that energy. Like when you're saying is it mine, there's tremendous value in being able to tap in and go is this mine, and then recognize. When it's not yours, it doesn't help anyone if you hold it. So, to see it, hugely valuable. To go, Ah, this is what is here. This is present. How can I, with my own energy, be in the presence of this energy? Super helpful. But if you have a cold and I get a cold to support you, that doesn't help you. But if you have a cold and I can pick up on the fact that you have a cold, and I'm aware that you have a cold, and I'm even kind of conscious of how a cold affects you, I can be really helpful to you. But I think when we're not When we're not aware, and for me, I didn't know that I was picking, well, I knew I was picking up everybody's energy, but I didn't know I was holding everybody's energy. Right. That's what I didn't know. Yeah. Um, for so long. And then once I finally learned to be able to go, Oh, fascinating, that is totally yours. It's information. Yeah. And I don't need to hold like for a while, like I pick it up and I knew it was there. And then I thought it was my problem and my responsibility. It is not my problem or my responsibility. It is my responsibility to show up as myself in the best way I can in that spot, but it's not my I don't have to change you. I have to be the best me I can be in the presence of you as you are. Human or animal. Um, and if I'm holding and feeling your energy and not clear about where it's yours and where it's mine, then I'm not showing up and being the best me that I can be in the presence of you as you are. And that sounded so woo, but there we go. Sometimes I'm a little woo. I love the woo. Yeah. But I think it's really true. This whole piece of like, this isn't mine, but to see it and to, to honor it and go, Oh, and it is here. It is not mine and it is here gives us a whole different perspective and power that we didn't have when we were like, this is mine and it's my responsibility. Absolutely. And it's a practice. It's a learned skill. It's mindfulness does not come naturally to us. And so it does take time, but I think just being able to even acknowledge it and go, Whoa, this isn't about me. Well, I'm picking up on this because I am awesome. empathetic professional that I can pick up on this. Now, what do I do with it? Because it doesn't need to come in here because taking it in here is not going to serve anyone that's involved, but it takes time. And so do you have any advice or words of wisdom for professionals that are, maybe they come into a situation and they feel that and they notice it and they're just like, Ooh, I have, I feel a lot of doubt and self consciousness right now when I really just want to help these individuals? Yeah, I think being aware of your body is hugely helpful, like noticing what you notice inside your body. Like, like, physical or? Yeah, we're so aware of like body language and dogs down to breathing and the little nuances of like, Oh, did you see the corner of his eye twitch? Yes, we did. But we have no idea what's going on in our own most of the time. When we can hold our breathing, are you, are you clenching your shoulders? Are you doing so, this sort of coming back into your body? What do you notice in your body? That's hugely helpful. but also this, this whole piece of knowing what success looks like, and defining success. And I, and I will tell you that. is the one who shared this idea with me, and it was kind of mind blowing at the time, which was, he said, how do you define a successful appointment? And he said, for him, and I'm paraphrasing, it's years later, so I could, I could be making up words. So forgive me if I'm wrong, but, A successful appointment was that he had showed up and communicated to the best of his ability what was going on with the animal and was open to hearing questions and explaining things. It was not, success was not that the client agreed with him. That the client took action and did all the things he said, or that he fixed everything. So he defined success in a way that was within his control. And so when we actually think about have you defined success, because honestly I had not until that point, what is a successful appointment for you? What is a successful email for you? What is a successful anything for you? it's a simple, simple concept, but it's not that easy to do because we tend to put success on variables outside our control. So successful appointment is one in which the dog learns the new skill. Nope, you cannot use that criteria because you're not the dog. You can't. Control whether the dog learns the skill you can control whether you teach it in any number of ways. If the dog is having difficulty, whether you show up with amazing foods that might motivate the dog, whether you practice your timing behind the scenes to get better at it, like there are a lot of things you can control, but you can't have success be that did the dog learn it or is the client doing their homework. Those are the things we want to use as success. Those are not success. Those are not ours. We can't hold them. So say it's the same kind of piece of like figuring out what's your lane, get in your lane and, and be there. Oh my God. Yes. I want to talk about that more just because it is, it is. Oh yeah. Well, as you were saying, like success with the client, that's Not on us. That's totally because it's all up to, you know, how they engage, how they respond, how they take it in, if they're even hearing you. But I think that is a quick way for a lot of us to get burnt out emotionally, physically, of course, but definitely emotionally because we can sometimes come into a situation knowing what we know from a consultation, go in and think, okay, well, this is how I'm going to set them up for success. But then that word success it sticks because it's just like Well, what does that look like for them, though? Because maybe we're not communicating in a way where it looks the same. Maybe I have these different goals because I'm the professional. Maybe they just want to be able to take their dog on a walk and walk on the other side of the street past another dog. So, Yeah. And I think that is a quick way, though, for us to say that we're not successful and that we're not thriving and we're not good at what we do because not every situation is going to be the same and we can't have that same. And I know a lot of us don't go into the each client session and think it's all going to be the same, but I think we all are very hopeful that like. We'll reach those goals with them when it's like we can only meet them where they're at, where they're at emotionally, physically, mentally, and sometimes it's gonna not look the same. And that might leave us feeling, you know, a little down from the session and not feel so great about what we do, but. I think just showing up and being the professional, the support that they need and helping guide them and navigate whatever their journey may be, that's a form of success for me because I think that's just being able to walk through that with them. And that sounds a little woo as I say that, but I think it is, it's, you're teaching them more about the relationship and the journey together instead of like, sit. Stand do this. Absolutely. And you're teaching the client that you care very much about their version of the relationship that they want, right? And that, it isn't necessarily the version that you have with your own dogs. And for any of us, who's ever had more than one dog in our lives, we know that we did not have the same relationship with your first dog as you had with your second, third, as your fourth, as your 18th, you know, whatever. And so even you as a professional with all that, you know, have different relationships with different animals, but each of your clients, their goals might be different and what they want and what they think successes might be different. And so sometimes we, at least I have had the experience of wanting what I consider to be more for an animal than getting, but I could objectively say this, this dog has a good life. It's just. Not as good as I would like it to be, like, I'd like just a few more bells and flourishes to make it better. but that the dog did have a good life. And so that is allowing the client to define success and the dog, like as we improve the relationship between them, the dog can advocate for himself much better than when the communication isn't there, then the dog is being perceived as pushy or, you know. All the negative things we say when it, when the communication isn't good can be turned into positive things when the communication is good. But if we're trying to put our own version of success on the client, We probably are breaking down our communication with the client, and we're setting ourselves up for being disappointed. Okay, well, because I think, you know, like I said before we hit record, you're kind of just shitting all over everyone. Because then you're just like, you're coming in with this belief that, okay, this is how you should do this with your dog. And then they're like, well, I'm A piece of shit, because I didn't do that with my dog. They're the professional. They're telling me, therefore, I'm a horrible human being. I shouldn't have this dog. When it's just like, Oh, no, no, no. I just want you to like, enjoy your relationship with your dog. But we, I hate the word should now because I realize it comes from more of a place of society and capitalism and thinking of just. It's this preconceived notion that this is a rule and a format and a formula that we should be following, and that's success. That's gonna prove that, like, we know our stuff when it's just That's one way of looking at it and yeah, so I now try really hard to not say I should be doing this or to my husband, I specifically try to not should all over him because I'm like that's not helpful for any of us. Why would I say like you, you, you, you should, should, should, when it's just like, oh, I'd really appreciate it if we could do this together and finding other ways to voice that for myself for him and, and. I think that I mentioned my husband in this because I feel like a lot of the times we forget the connection with relationships and how it totally affects how we navigate relationships with clients, our friends, family members, colleagues. We come in with these notions and then we don't want to hear that from other people. So why would we do that to someone else? I just, yeah. Yeah. The word should, I feel like it just needs to be thrown out because there's so many other ways we can replace that and word it better without offending others or making someone feel less than. Yeah. And I think that's hugely important because everybody, pretty much everybody, if you can find someone who isn't doing this, I'd love to meet them, is busy judging themselves about something. So if we ever add a should. We're adding it on top of a pile of shoulds that they have, you know, like my sister in the washing machine. I would not have predicted that would be something she would be beating herself up about and it was so if I add another should On top of that then that's not helpful I think that should is a super powerful word to pay attention to it's really eye opening and another one for me is need And in my, I do some journaling and I will, when I write, like I need to, I just, just circle the word and keep going. Like just to start noticing for my brain, how often I tell myself to do this, I should do this. Like that there is a part inside me that's pushing me. And, I don't usually go back and fix the sentence, but I just catch them like, Oh, there's a should. There's a mindfulness all over the place, all over the place. And I've been doing that for a couple of years now and it's decreased, but it's not gone. Not it, not it by a long shot. You're human. Yeah. And being conscious of that is kind of a game changer, because if you're not conscious of that, it's just always running. I should be doing this. I should be doing this. We really need to do that. I really need to do this. Oh, my gosh, I have to do. Oh, my God. Is a business owner. That's all you do to yourself is need and shouldn't self to death. Yeah, and it's terrible. And it's it's bad for business, like just objectively bad for business. and it's also really bad for all of the relationships that we think are the ones that are most important. Like so many people give their best to their clients and their worst to their friends, family and pets. Absolutely. Yeah. You get the leftovers. You get the dregs. You get the cranky me that comes home feeling like she didn't do enough anywhere. You're welcome because I love you. And if we could just like go, no, no. If, if we could give the best to ourselves and those we really care about, imagine how superpower you'd be when you went out to your, see your clients. Oh my God. Yeah. They'd be like, I need to be more like them. Mm hmm. So with all of that, um, I am currently looking on your website because you have so much helpful tidbits and information all throughout it, like everything on your website. I just, I want to like eat it all up and digest it and have it in my brain and let it sit there because I'm just like, yes, this is everything I need to hear. but I want to talk through your BMOD plan for pet pros and your pyramid. Because I feel like that's something really worth talking about. And something I touch on a lot in the podcast, as far as, you know, that foundation of prioritizing your health and your energy and feeding yourself. Cause I feel like a lot of the times as professionals, we are go, go, go. Whether we are virtual or in person that we don't feed ourselves. Yeah, give ourselves nutrients. And then that's just layer after layer of how we move through our day and Sessions with clients and continuing our education, whatever it is. It's working from that foundation So, please share that with some with us. Yeah, I'm gonna pull up the graphics so that I don't say things wrong because yeah Sometimes you write things a while back and then you forget what you said Okay, so it is Almost exactly like what you do with dogs. It's really, it all applies. When I started dog training, I started my first dog training class two weeks after I found out I was expecting my first child. So, in my head, parenting and dog training, Um, and then I would have to, you know, tap dance a little and be like, they're not that different because some people would get offended. I am not offended by that. They're not that different. They are animals who have prefrontal cortex is that we occasionally use, but mostly we don't. So when we're looking at. Any sort of behavior mod for an animal, we want to start with the basic needs. Do they feel safe? And are they sleeping well? Are they eating well? Are they taking care of their bodies? Like, let's start there, which for so many pet professionals is a really high bar. Are you sleeping well? Just start asking your friends. You're not going to hear good answers. No, never. Yeah. So, um, so really looking at that piece of like, just your basic human, basic, like let's take care of this. Let's make it feel safe. Let's make it feel nurtured. Let's make it feel fed and restored and all of those things. So starting there, and of course we can add things on as we go even before, you know, like you don't have to get to perfect sleep before we move up a level, but to be really conscious of if we haven't addressed the fact that you're not sleeping at all and you're only eating granola bars in your car, we're probably not going to make huge changes in the other levels. And so then we look at environment like what are the things that we can do the simple tweaks the quick fixes. We do that all the time with dogs, like, how can we prevent a behavior from occurring so that we don't. So, that depends for different people what those things are. one of one of my clients does does meal prep for the week for herself and her dogs one day a week. And she said that way she knows that she's actually going to eat actual food during the week. Yep. Amazing. Like that's a, that's an environmental shift that she's made because she's just changed pieces in there. but what are the habits and practices that can do that for you? One of the big ones for me is I meditate in the morning. Not well. And not long, but I don't care. Like I make an attempt to be still and do some meditation. And then I like gold star on my head and off I go for the day. It's been a huge difference for me. So, I mean, if you had a meditation Olympics, I'm sure I'd be at the bottom. Not but the act of showing up for yourself in that way. Yeah, and and committing and saying this is worth it Cuz this is my time you how many times I've been like, I really should answer an email first I don't have time for this today. I have to do this. I have to do that. Oh, well, I'm in a hurry, so I can't You know, and once I said, no, no, it's going to fit in, it will always fit in. it has always fit in for the nearly six years now and I've never made the attempt for it to be daily and it is so far daily. So I know I'll miss a day sooner or later, but the reality is I've built a habit and if I miss a day, I still have a habit. Um, but for me, that was a supportive environment piece. And then the next layer up is relationships. And this one's tough because we think that like Facebook friends are relationships and they are, but they aren't. It's a different format. It's, it's a very certain level. Yeah. Yeah. We need actual face to face contact. Like you and I are talking on zoom and I can see you. You can see my expression. I can see nuances. Yeah. And we're wired for that. We're never going to meet the same need if we don't actually see and interact in here. We need it for social. Yeah. Yeah. so those don't have to be dog people. You could have amazing relationships that aren't dog people. Um, and in fact, I At least a few relationships that are not dog people. whenever my husband would meet any of my dog friends, he was like, Oh, you're actually more normal than I thought. You're more, you're less dog crazy than I thought you were. I'm like, see, this is what my friends are for. They help you think I'm not completely insane. Um, And my friends all knew that and they were fine with it, but, um, there's, there's a lovely part about having relationships that understand what you do. So definitely having dog friends you can talk to about how hard this is. Right. And people who think that you have the easy fun job of only playing with puppies. So you guys can talk about other fun things. You don't have to talk about all of these things, like you can talk about whatever, but relationships are a huge piece and to not mistake the actual absolute vital piece of face to face conversation, and ideally not even on Zoom. I mean, right, physical in front of each other somewhere and be with people. but if not that. Then connecting where you can see one another. And that's one of the reasons why when I do group work, I really, I really do like it to be where you show up, you know, some of my sessions are recorded, you can watch it later. I don't think you get nearly the same amount. I don't know, catching it later, right there, unless you're in the room. So that's why the relationship piece. And then, so that's our third layer. And then, um, savoring, curiosity, pleasure, and joy. The fact of the matter is, pet professionals are super smart and really, really curious, at least the ones that I encounter. They're always learning. They are lifelong learners. They're so creative and motivated, but often their learning is being driven by a sense of I don't know enough. And so I need to add this next credential or, or whatever, so that I will have the skills I need to be. Okay. Check this list off to feel this certain level of like, I'm worthy. I belong here. And that's not what I'm looking for here. I want you to know that you are enough now. What you have is above and beyond what the vast majority of professionals have. And you are enough right now. And if you're super curious about this thing, absolutely go learn it. Do it for you. Make it fun. and lean into it. And that can be related to your profession. As long as you're not doing it from a spot of lack. Or it can be completely unrelated. So you can learn how to play the violin. Or you can get deep dive into separation anxiety. As long as it's not because you're not good if you don't have the skill. So finding that and prioritizing savoring and joy is tricky for people because what does that even mean? Right? Those can be interpreted different ways. Yeah. Yeah. So like if you're reading a book on your porch while your dog is sniffing in the yard, but you're thinking like, I hope he hurries up so that I can get back in there and get to my email. You are not savoring that book. No, you're not in the moment. Yeah. Maybe it's more like being present and being in the moment, soaking it up more. Yeah. And, and really allowing and experiencing and noticing joy. Okay. Experience of that joy just reminds me a little tangent again back to the washing machine. So, for the first time in my entire life. I'm 57 years old. I opened the lid of a washer and saw wet clothes around the edge of the washer and I experienced joy. I was like, it worked when our friend prepared the washing machine. I had never before experienced joy. When looking into a washing machine, because I always experienced like, I have to lift all that wet, heavy stuff into the dryer. That was the previous experience, but totally suffused with joy. So much so that after I moved everything into the repaired water, into the dryer from the repaired washer, I went upstairs and I told them all, I'm like, guess what? I had joy. I had joy looking in a washing machine. A little bit of that is just this idea of that. My brain is always scanning for it. Like, what is joyful? What, when do I feel it? And when I feel it go, why did I feel that? And how often? Cause I'm sure a lot of us don't feel it enough. And, and if we do, it just passes by, we're like, that's not important. I don't need to hold it because we let, let the good go. And then the final one, which is the one that we sometimes push way down low at the bottom is, um, finding meaning and purpose of like, I I'm doing something that matters and for some of us we use, I'm doing something that matters as our driving force and it should be the icing on top. It should be the cherry, but like, look at all of this, it matters, not I have to do this because it's needed and it's important and I have to keep going. No, no, no, no, no. You are enough as a person as you are. And if you're prioritizing all these other things, you're just going to be sprinkling fairy dust all over the world. And if it matters to you, it's going to have an impact. And I would not have believed any of that five years ago. So. There's that, I think I, I think I would have been very different. I would have been like, well, really, But the reality is that's what we do with with dogs, isn't it like we start with their bodies and we make their environment safe and then we improve the situation and then we look at how we can help them communicate better, have good relationships, and then more experiences that are positive and pleasurable. And then we go like, what actually just lights you up so much that you could just explode. And then we add that up. And then it's like we opened up their whole world. We expanded their world. We made them feel good. Their parents feel good. And now they're thriving together when it literally just started from that foundation. But that doesn't get applied to us. But I hope that any professional that is listening and they go to your website, they see this pyramid and they make this connection of like, wow, it really is. That symbol and I say that as sarcastic as possible because I know it's not that simple, but it is a matter of just acknowledging like the way we set dogs up is totally way we can set ourselves up with our business. Yeah. And it's that whole simple but not easy thing. Like, I think it really is that simple. It's just the consistency required. Right. So we do like it didn't work. Well, yeah, except for do need to do these things over and over and over. But it's. It's really just consistency, um, and just allowing these things to build up over time and the idea being, that if, you know, if we put a cup of water under a leaky faucet, the cup will fill eventually, but if you leave it there for, you know, five minutes, you're like the cup didn't fill. Cup did not fill. It's not wasted. It's not gone. But you're not feeling like, oh yeah, there's, there's a whole cup of water. Keep it up. Let it go. It will fill. You will get there. and it's not, it's not gone. You didn't waste your time if you didn't feel like it was enough the first time. Right. It's just building on that. Oh my God, this conversation has been so wonderful, Colleen. before I let you go, do you have any last tidbits of advice, wisdom you want to share with our listeners? Maybe, oh heck, anyone that is starting off or maybe they've been in it for 20 plus years and they're just feeling a little down on where they are in their journey. I think the big thing that if I could tell everybody is You would be amazed at how many really extraordinary, talented people are beating themselves up just as much as you are, and it's, there's nothing wrong with you. It's our wiring, it's the way our brains work, it's the way our society works, and there's lots of help available. But it's, not just you, it's not only you, and it's not about your level of skill. There are incredibly talented people who have been at this for decades who are feeling just as terrible. Well, is that comforting? No. And yes, both are true. So there, there is help. There is hope, but the idea of, of recognizing that it's not just us, I think is really important because it becomes a shameful thing that we don't want to say, like don't want to say, I feel like I'm not good enough. Either gets people going like, yes, you are. You're terrific. And that doesn't sink in and you just bounces right off. Yep. Or, or they're like, what, what, what are you talking? You know, like you become defensive. So finding, finding an awareness that there are safe places to talk about this and that there are other people who understand, there's so many more than you realize. It's very, very common. For anyone that wants to connect with you, work with you, join your support, where can they find you and follow you? On my website, it's the best place to do that. And it's my name, Colleen, Pilar. com. So C O L L E E N P E L A R. I will put all those links in there and I will also provide a graphic of the pyramid we went over so everyone can take that look. But thank you so much for coming on Colleen. It's been so awesome talking with you. Thanks for having me. It was super fun talking to you. And if you like what we're doing here on the Leashed Mind podcast and you want to help others find us, make sure you subscribe to our YouTube channel, follow us on social media, give us a rating wherever you got your podcasts, whether that's leaving a review on Apple or giving us a star rating on Spotify or just leaving a little R plus on our Facebook page. It's all appreciated. Thank you, and we will be back with another episode.