Bookcast Episode 73: Reading, Writing, Marketing as an Indie Author ...and short fiction returns!

Welcome back to the Bookcast! Episode 73 features a reading, writing, and marketing update, plus! I read a snippet of the fan fiction thriller that I wrote last October, entitled the STORY OF KATE.

Find everything I talked about on today's episode plus links to THE STORY OF KATE and other free stories at my website- booksbydlwhite.com/bookcast. 

Don't forget that you can offer one time or monthly support for this podcast and my work by visiting bookcast.buzzsprout.com. I already love you for it! 

Transcript

 DL White [00:00:14]:
Well, hello everyone. Welcome back to the Bookcast.

DL White [00:00:19]:
This is my platform for sharing short fiction and updates on what I'm reading and writing. This is episode 73 and I am DL White, author of contemporary southern and romantic fiction novels that center black love and relationships. I'm also a big fan of books, so we usually begin with a book report. Then we talk about writing and topics of the day. I am currently prepping to write the Pearl at Black Diamond, a black diamond romance number three, and I'll talk about my pre writing process in the writing update. The bookcast is a production of books by D. L. White, written, edited, produced and supported by me.

DL White [00:00:58]:
If you'd love to back me up, I'd be most grateful to have you. My podcast website, bookcast buzsprout.com, has opportunities to offer a one time or recurring monthly gift, whichever is most appropriate for your financial situation. Thank you so much to my new supporter, Tracy, omitting your last name, but thank you so much for your kindness and for standing behind me and helping offset the cost of bringing this show to you all. The other way you can support is to buy my books. Booksbydy.com slash Books has all the good stuff in ebook or audio. As a reminder, I'm phasing out print copies here in my personal inventory, except for new releases. If you want a book signed, we can arrange for that. Or I can send you a book plate or catch me out on the road.

DL White [00:01:45]:
You can find print copies though, at most online retailers at resist booksellers or@bookshop.org as well. All of my titles are available wherever ebooks and audiobooks are sold and subscription sites like Everand and Kobo plus. And they're available to request at your local library through Libby or hoopla. So today we'll start with the book report as always, and then we'll do a little author biz marketing report. I have a few goals I'm trying to hit and I want to update on that little chitchat and a writing update. Today is Saturday, January 27. It is 09:16 a.m. It's about 60 degrees and doing ugly things outside my window here in Atlanta.

DL White [00:02:31]:
I have a mic and I am ready to dig in. But first, let's have some coffee.

DL White [00:02:51]:
Welcome back. Welcome back.

DL White [00:02:54]:
We will begin, as always, with the book report because I am a bookhead new year, new challenge and I did not update my numbers for the Goodreads challenge, so I'm looking them up super quick. I have read ten books on my challenge to read 150 books in this year. That is not a challenge for me. Usually I am on track to hit my Goodreads challenge. So can't stop. Won't stop. I read three books this week that were pretty darn good. I read the lies you wrote by Brianna Labuscus.

DL White [00:03:32]:
It was okay. I think I gave this one three lot. It was a lot going on. It's book one in a new series, so it has its hiccups and issues. I hear this author does another series really well, so I may look that one up. It was just a little. I mean, the main character just needed some fleshing out, I feel. And she just was like very I need to prove myself type of person.

DL White [00:04:01]:
Main character is a FBI linguist. So they analyze language in order to point out a unknown subject, or unsub, as they call it. I know this job exists in the FBI. At least I think this job exists. It just seems it's super close to. I just. I'm hoping Brianna finds her footing in this new series. So may read the next one.

DL White [00:04:31]:
This one was an okay read. The quiet tenet by Clements Michelo. This was pretty good. It got a lot toward the end. I was getting real tense. I love a thriller. I love a mystery. Suspense can be really hard for me.

DL White [00:04:49]:
And so I did cheat and skip to the end. And then I went back and read how she got to the end. I needed some consoling on making sure that who I wanted to survive survived. But this book was pretty good. It's about a woman who was kidnapped and held captive for five years. And her captor ends up losing the home that he was living in. And so he has to move her with him. And he has a child.

DL White [00:05:23]:
And so she's literally living in the house with this man and his child and acting like a tenant, but she is actually being held captive. And man begins to fall for a local townsperson, like the owner of a bar or something. And owner of the bar kind of catches on to something funny going on. Lots of tension ramping up. Know, really the second half of the book, a very good read. I just got a little bit overwhelmed at this one. And then I read the love that remains by Tasha L. Harrison.

DL White [00:06:02]:
This was a really beautiful novel featuring a widow who goes on a trip that was paid for by her husband before he passed from cancer. And it was really beautiful. Great writing, deep emotionality, lots of passion. I won't give away the story here because I really feel like you should buy it and read it. But as always, Tasha's writing is just delicious. I really, really enjoy her work and I implore you, if you're not reading Natasha L. Harrison, please fix your life. Go pick up her books.

DL White [00:06:37]:
My favorite series is Celeste Diaries. I love me some Eve.

DL White [00:06:40]:
Eve.

DL White [00:06:41]:
Eve. I have now forgotten how to pronounce her name. Eve's. And then I love the small town romance series as well. She just does a fantastic work in everything that she writes. I am going to read small town sins by Ken Jarowski. I believe that's how you pronounce that. It showed up in some list.

DL White [00:07:01]:
It was probably something that my favorite Internet librarian, Robin, pointed out in one of her posts. She posts on Twitter, like things that are coming up that she is considering for collection at her library. Collection development is what she calls it, and it wrecks me every time. She always posts really good looking books. And then I have to run over to Goodreads and add it and see if my library has it and then put a hold on it. And then the hold comes in and I can't remember why I requested this book, but it looks good. It's called small town Sins. So I'll let you know next week how it goes.

DL White [00:07:38]:
Moving on to a writing update. I have not started writing. I have started my prepping and my pre planning process. The hope is to start really digging into the text next weekend, like the end of the week and into next weekend. I did pull out. I have several versions of this book that I started. I did pull those out and drag them into dabble so I could organize. I have about nine chapters that I really need to dig into and revamp so that I can move on as I do.

DL White [00:08:16]:
I started and then kind of got stuck and I hit a wall and I put it away. I've been trying to write this since, I think, beach thing came out in 2016, and I've been trying to write this since 2017, and it just hasn't come together. And I wrote Elysium as sort of a bridge between beach thing and the Pearl, and I am hoping that Elysium is the bridge that I needed it to be. It adds more characters to the overall series, but it gives me a little bit more to work with, and I don't have so much history to rewrite or to write with the Pearl. So if you have not read Elysium, it does not feature any recurring characters. But we do meet Davis Scott, who is the beleaguered general manager at the pearl, and he is friends with Vance, who is our hero in Elysium. And Davis invites Vance down because Vance is a master travel coordinator, and he's like, hey, come on down. I'd like you to take a look at the resort, and let's put together some packages.

DL White [00:09:31]:
I need to get some people in this building because the owner of this resort is going to have my behind if I don't start filling it out. And so in Elysium, Vance comes down and he brings a woman that he only knows on the Internet. Athena brings her with him. He's like, hey, let me bring you down for this free trip. I got to go down anyway. You get a free beach vacation. I get to meet you in person. We get to get to know each other, if you know what I'm saying.

DL White [00:10:09]:
And Elysium turns into a really decadent role in the hay. Still very proud of that book. I think it turned out really well. And over the course of Elysium, the external conflict in that book is Vance helping Davis kind of get his life together as far as marketing the resort. And let's bring some people in here and let me bring some groups down here, et cetera. So in the pearl, of course, Vance has wanderlust. Travel is his agency, and Wanderlust has a suite in the main offices. And so it would be impossible for me to have characters in the pearl without having Vance and Athena in the book.

DL White [00:10:56]:
I also had an idea to bring Wade and Amina from book one back, and so I have a lot of balls in the air as far as this book is concerned, so it's going to require some actual planning. I can't really write this off the seat of my pants. I'm going to do as little planning as possible as needed, like, as much planning as I need to, and not a scintilla more just so I can get this book off and not feel hampered by having to adhere to a structured plan for this book. So I have about nine chapters that I need to revamp. I really need to revamp Davis's character in this book. As I said previously, davis was meant to be on the autism spectrum, but I decided I didn't want to be stereotypical about an autistic person. I mean, he still could be. He's very persnickety.

DL White [00:11:59]:
So I think I'm just going to write Davis as he lives in my brain, and if people pick up on context clues there, but there's not going to be a storyline in which Davis says, hey, I am on the autism spectrum. That's not a thing I'm going to be writing. I don't want to fight with autism mean, you can call that whimping out if you just. It's insensitive for me, and I don't think that I could do that. I don't think I could do it well. So I'm going to write Davis as Davis comes to me. Not every picky, personickety person is on the autism spectrum. Some people are just that way.

DL White [00:12:46]:
So I'm going to write Davis as Davis appears in my mind and Kari, my heroine. I fell asleep a little bit early last night, and then I was awake at two in the morning talking to myself about Kari's backstory. In the original iteration of this story, Kari was in her mid to late twenty s. I don't write characters in their 20s anymore. I haven't been in my 20s in over 20 years, and I don't want to dip that low anymore. Also, if Vance and Davis are the same age and Vance is about to turn 50, that means Davis is about to turn 50. And 50 plus mid twenty s is just to me. I don't want to write a May December kind of romance.

DL White [00:13:37]:
I don't think people find that kind of disparity in ages to be bothersome when one is in nearly 30, but it's too big of a divide for me. So I want to age Kari up a little bit, which means kind of fudging with her storyline, and I don't want to give too much away before I start writing. But I love Kari Savoy. She is a great character. She is a delight. Despite her life circumstances. She's actually a very bubbly, outgoing, happy person, contrasted with Davis, who really keeps to himself. He likes his motorcycle.

DL White [00:14:22]:
He lives at work. He is a very kind of dedicated type of person. Kari comes into the pearl. It wasn't Davis's choice. She was assigned to the pearl, and so these two are going to probably clash. It's not an enemies to lovers. It is a workplace romance. But Davis did not ask for Kari's help yet, and still she is there.

DL White [00:14:52]:
And so I did read a little bit back of what I wrote and kind of smiled at know I love banter. So there's a lot of banter in this book and there's know smart mouth snipping back and forth and a couple know. I always got to have an octogenarian in my book. I always got to have some old people who don't have a filter for a little bit of comic relief. My friend Connie says she uses senior characters in her stories for comic relief and wisdom. And so, like I said, I got a lot of balls in the air regarding this story, but I'm excited to get started. I also started my Pinterest album. Is that what they call them on Pinterest? On my Pinterest account is pinterest.com.

DL White [00:15:41]:
Author Dlwhite I think I've got an album or what do they call it? On Pinterest? I have, I don't know, a profile for each of my books where I have mapped out character inspirations, house inspirations, what do they drive? What's their style? What's their favorite perfume, what's their favorite color? What books do they read? I'm starting to build that out for Kari and Davis, and so I do have a book for the Pearl already started. I'm freaking excited. I hope this sticks. So that is my writing update. Of course, I will take you along as I have for the last few books on how we're doing with writing and where I'm going, what I'm struggling with, what has brought me joy, and we will gallop toward the finish line together. All right, moving on to the book marketing section. I was actually just looking up my stats for the month. I have sold 125 books and 42 of those have been through book funnels.

DL White [00:16:57]:
So those are paperbacks that people bought through my get these books out of my house paperback sale. So I am ever so grateful. I do have a bunch of them packaged and ready to go. It just looks ugly outside and I don't want to leave the house to go to the post office, so I just got to drop them off. So you all pray for me. Ain't nothing wrong. I just don't want to go out in the rain. So I do have some of those packed up.

DL White [00:17:25]:
I am waiting on print copies of Elysium. And so when the Elysium books are in, I will have the rest of those packaged up and ready to ship out. But I do have quite a few ready to go. So thank you so much for that. I have sold 48 copies on Amazon, 14 copies through drafted digital, which is everywhere except Amazon and Google books. 19 books sold through findaway. Those are audiobooks. And I put two books on sale this month.

DL White [00:17:55]:
Forget which ones they are, but a few people caught that sale. I don't know when it ends. It might still be up. Let me just at chirp books, they're on sale. Deep, deep discounts on books by DL white. Yes. Dinner at Sam's and brunch at Ruby's are both 199 each. And there are four days left as of today.

DL White [00:18:18]:
So if you don't have those books in audio, you can snatch them up at chirp and then Leslie's Carlin die and the guy next door, I believe are next to be on sale. I will let you know. Apologies for not getting this up on my site. I absolutely forgot that I put these on. Um, but great job digging up that sale. I saw my friends over at DMS Diamonds had found it and posted about it. So thank you so much for that. Love the boost.

DL White [00:18:49]:
And then I sold two books at Google. I never sell books at Google so I don't know what is happening there. But thank so I've had actually a really good sales month this month and really for the first time in a long time, Amazon is trailing behind everywhere else. So that makes me really happy actually. So going back to my notes here, that was the sales report. My marketing efforts. I've been really trying to reach new people and stay connected with people. This week I backed off of how often I was posting.

DL White [00:19:34]:
I was doing something like encouraging something to check in and say hi. Sunday, Monday, Wednesday and Friday I have like a fun little thing that pops up that just encourages conversation, something funny, anything to get somebody to comment. And then in the afternoons on Monday, Wednesday, Friday, I have book promotions that are posting anywhere between 02:00 p.m. And 06:00 p.m. Mostly on Instagram and Twitter. And then I am duplicating if it seems appropriate to YouTube and TikTok, but not really concentrating hard on those platforms. I don't have community there. I don't really know anyone there.

DL White [00:20:25]:
It seems very daunting to try to build there and so.

DL White [00:20:34]:
I'm just going.

DL White [00:20:34]:
To try to build organically where I can and it doesn't seem to be doing too bad. On my YouTube channel, I got 447 views in the last seven days. Watch time is up 4.8 hours, probably thanks to the extended audio samples that I have up. I have extended samples of brunch at Ruby's, dinner at Sam's beach thing, Leslie's Curl and Dye, and the guy next door up on my YouTube channel. So it's about 30 minutes of select chapters. If you are interested, head on over to YouTube.com authordlwhite and those are up. And plus I have my podcast episodes that are up. So when people hop onto my channel and they want to listen to a few episodes of the bookcast, they are there and I'm up six subscribers.

DL White [00:21:19]:
So yay. Fun times. I went from like 109 to 136. So awesome likes and comments are still a flatline but I'm just not really looking at it. I'm not really trying to get them. Instagram reached 1343 accounts in the last seven days. 914 of those are people that follow me. 429 are people that don't.

DL White [00:21:44]:
So I am reaching outside of my little sphere and that makes me happy. Impressions are up 6.8%. Reels and static posts are still getting the most attention. Stories not so much, but that's fine because I feel like stories are really for the people that know me, people I talk to every day. It's funny stuff. It's reposts of stuff from my feed. It's stuff I see on TikTok. So I'm not really too worried about that.

DL White [00:22:18]:
Stories number this week. I've varied my reels to every other day. Mostly like I said, I think it's working better for me. I'm not really seeing that. It was a detriment to my account. And then I don't have to worry about finding like nine things I need to post top content this week is a hilarious reel that I posted of Bobby Brown, Mike Tyson and Wayne Brady. Reenacting every little step and then a few motivational things. Got some great comments.

DL White [00:22:50]:
People do seem to really resonate with a good inspirational quote, so I'm going.

DL White [00:22:55]:
To keep doing those.

DL White [00:22:55]:
A few days a week. I'm reaching mostly women aged 35 to 54 in the US, which is very good. That's my target. That's my sweet spot right there on TikTok. My views are up 1.7% which is not bad since I'm not posting every day there posting more stories than actual videos. I lost eleven followers, but that's me cleaning out my followers list. I'm dropping bots and people whose profile just don't look like they purposely followed me. I did get 57 likes this week and they are down from previous weeks.

DL White [00:23:31]:
Still no idea what I'm doing on TikTok. I'm literally just throwing things at the wall to see what sticks. Most of my videos get between 203 hundred views and I'm not alone there. I see a lot of people on TikTok talking about not being able to get out of the 203 hundred view graveyard. I feel like TikTok wants people to pay to reach a wider audience. I went through that with Facebook and I'm not going to do it again. It just gets to a point where you can't get any visibility unless you pay. And I'm not paying that game.

DL White [00:24:04]:
Facebook and Twitter, I'm not really tracking. I'm there. Anyway, I'm not leaving. I just really want to focus on a few areas where the readers really are. Like my Facebook, I really only use for authors. There's not a whole bunch of listeners or not listeners, readers really on Facebook. And then Twitter is just shenanigans. I have no plan, no goal, no strategy for Twitter.

DL White [00:24:29]:
I literally am just shenanigans.

DL White [00:24:33]:
Just posting.

DL White [00:24:34]:
So last week I had a little topic, a little chat topic, and I did say I wanted to talk about what it means when readers clap back at people asking for wrecks. And I get that this is frustrating to people, especially if you have a whole account full of book wrecks and if they would just look at your profile and sure, that's frustrating. I feel like it's been a long week of booktalkbookstagram discourse. I don't really have the energy for it. I just don't. I've been skipping all of it. Like there's a lot of stuff going around. I'm skipping all of it.

DL White [00:25:11]:
And I know it's going to be a rough black history month and I am skipping all of it. So let me just say, there are a lot of book talkers and bookstagrammers that say they ride hard for us. They ride hard for black authors. They want black books in the hands of readers. And if you want to read black books, those accounts are there for it. It is absolutely awesome to redirect readers to a source that will answer questions. As long as your redirection leads those readers to the books and the authors that you say you ride hard for, that you rep, that you follow, that you support. If someone says, hey, I asked so and so about your books, but she said, google it.

DL White [00:25:57]:
So I closed the page and walked away. Did you lead anyone to my books? No, you didn't. Someone asked you about a book or about books. And if you were to normally suggest to me when someone asked about books, but you snapped at them, you drove them away, I hope it made you feel better. But if you were claiming to be a fan, a follower, a person who cares if I sell books, you did absolutely nothing for me. So it's a frustrating situation for me, too. If I write a book and put on the Internet, here's this book and here's what it's about, and here's where you can buy it. And someone replies, hey, where can I buy this book? I'm super frustrated that I have to repeat myself.

DL White [00:26:41]:
It's right there. It is right there. So I feel you and I get it. And yes, people want to be served information. And yes, people want the path of least resistance. And yes, people want you to give them information. Yes, they can look it up. Absolutely they can look it up.

DL White [00:27:01]:
If someone comes to you and they ask a point blank question, hey, I'm interested in reading this. Do you have any suggestions? I guess what I'm asking is find your manners and please use tact in redirecting those readers to a resource where they can find what they are looking for. Because if I see one more person hop on the Internet thinking they were hot stuff at how they snapped at a person who asked for Rex, I'm.

DL White [00:27:38]:
Going to lose it.

DL White [00:27:40]:
You did not lead that person to a darn thing. That's all I have to say about that. I say what I say. Do you have a topic that you would like me to cover on the bookcast in our little chitchat marketing update? Shout me out a holler. I'm always on Instagram or Twitter. Like always on Instagram or Twitter. Or you can visit the show notes of this here episode@booksbydalewhite.com. Slash bookcast.

DL White [00:28:03]:
I welcome your feedback. Honestly, truthfully, I welcome your feedback. Now if you're going to be a rude somebody, I'm just going to delete it. All right. Thanks for joining me today. That brings us to the end of today's episode. It was a shorty, and I hope it was a goodie. Thank you for joining me for today's chat.

DL White [00:28:21]:
Do not forget to head to bookcast buzsprout.com. I forgot the URL. Pick up show notes. You can also pick up show notes on my website@booksbydalewhite.com. Bookcast. I'll be back next week with a reading and a writing update. Please enjoy this weekend. Have a superlative week.

DL White [00:28:40]:
We'll chat again.

DL White [00:28:42]:
Bye. Stay tuned for a snippet from the story of Kate, a fan fiction thriller by D. L. White. Writing as Miss M. So this is a little fan fiction ditty and I'm trying to spread my wings a little bit and talk more about my fan fiction writing, which is really where I got my start in writing. Aside from writing short stories in high school and college or whatever, this is something that I really enjoy and it has taught me a lot about writing.

DL White [00:29:24]:
There are so many authors that got.

DL White [00:29:26]:
Their start in fan fiction, and I was taken to task in my writing group about not sharing more of this because there is so much crossover between romance novel readers, book readers in general, and fan fiction.

DL White [00:29:41]:
So I wanted to share a little bit, but it's at the end of today's episode, so if you don't want.

DL White [00:29:46]:
To hear it, you can go ahead and shut it off. But let me tell you about this story. Behind the smile of a fawning fan lies obsession. When pop star J. C chassis becomes the target of a delusional stan, no one realizes the depth of her mania or the danger she poses. Not JC, who brushes off troubling signs. Not his wife, Serena. Focused on a high powered career and starting a family, Kate sees messages no one else can.

DL White [00:30:18]:
She hears orders to complete a mission that no one else hears. She knows what JC truly wants, and she'll go to terrifying lengths to make it happen. After Kate ominously infiltrates the couple's inner circle, JC and Sabrina find themselves in a battle not just for their happy home, but for their very lives. With an unstable stalker on their trail, the chassis must decode Kate's endgame before she strikes again. And the clock is ticking. Chapter two Kate I feel off, like, hungover, but I haven't been drinking. I usually feel a little queasy and sleepy, but that's from the meds and I'm used to it. Today I feel more different than usual because I did something I shouldn't have, and I know it.

DL White [00:31:15]:
I shouldn't have gone there. That wasn't part of the plan. I wasn't ready. And in retrospect, I should have known better. I thought if I went to him, something would come to me. Anxiety, anticipation, a tingle, a possibility. Something I couldn't quite put my finger on or drove me there. It wasn't until I was standing there, probably a few feet from him, that I realized it was a mistake.

DL White [00:31:41]:
Honey, you're feeling okay?

DL White [00:31:44]:
My eyes flick up to my husband, Mark, then drop again. He's balding worse than Prince William, and the chandelier over the table reflects off of his shiny head. I smile over at him and nod as I drag my fork through my dinner plate. I'm just despondent. I feel like a failure after today. I'm all right, I mumble. What's going on with you? Did you take your meds today? You know I did. You insist on being in the room when I take them.

DL White [00:32:13]:
Mark gets up anyway and walks through the dining room to the kitchen. I hear him open the cabinet where we keep my pill case. Every Sunday he divides them up by day and night medications and places them into their positions in the plastic container. On occasion, if I become too agitated and Mark feels like I need it, I get a haldol shot. These are locked up in a time release safe. That Mark thinks I can't get into. That shit puts me down in a hurry. So I make it a point to not get too agitated.

DL White [00:32:42]:
I hate how drunk and delirious I.

DL White [00:32:44]:
Feel after I wake up.

DL White [00:32:46]:
I hear him pop open this morning's slot, then snap it closed. It's empty. As it should be. The symbalta, topamax, risperdol, quanapin, and naltrexone, along with the multivitamin and the omega three capsules are all gone. Down the hatch. Or so he thinks. He doesn't need to know what I do with the pills instead of taking them. Mark is a doting, generous, caring man.

DL White [00:33:12]:
I'm lucky to have him. And he puts up with a lot. He's lost a lot of people in his life. His parents died when he was young, and he was an only child of only children. Hence, he's one of those Captain America types that likes saving people. I'm sure that's what he thinks he's doing. Saving me. He's been doing it since we met.

DL White [00:33:32]:
He gave me a job at silver screen Media right out of college, managing content development for his smaller projects. From there, I moved on to post production for independent films and videos. Mark took me under his wing, let me grow and develop my skills under his tutelage. By day, we were a great team and he was my mentor. By night, I was usually bent over his desk with my dress bunched up around my hips while he took me from behind. Mark was a moderately attractive man with an air of magnetism on the fringes of Hollywood, willing to bend over backward and keep a pretty woman around. He was in awe of me and didn't have to work hard to keep its attention. Of course, I fell for him.

DL White [00:34:14]:
By then, the mental imbalance I had been battling since I was a teenager began to rear its ugly head. I couldn't control the thoughts that swirled, the darkness that clouded my judgment. Obsessions, ideations, fixations, followed by episodes of mania and actions that made sense at the time but in retrospect, were inappropriate. I had a few really rough, dark days and almost gave up. I could quit my job, move out of my expensive but sparse apartment, go back to Fresno and the care of my parents, or stay. Move in with Mark. Let him take care of me, put.

DL White [00:34:51]:
Someone else in the driver's seat for a change.

DL White [00:34:53]:
I think my parents were relieved that I chose the latter. I'd have someone else legally responsible for me and my mental health, watching my behavior, making sure I was on medication, and took it regularly. Mark's proposal was rushed and romantic. We flew off to Vegas on a Thursday, had a drive through chapel wedding and a weekend of lewd, raunchy sex in a penthouse suite. On Monday, we began to search for a psychiatrist who could prescribe medication to ease my symptoms. Like most people who don't understand mental illness, Mark was only concerned about controlling my behaviors. I hear the pill case drop into the cabinet, and Mark returns to his spot, scooting his chair up to the table. Do you want to talk about it? He asks softly.

DL White [00:35:39]:
Wild horses could not drag today's detour out of me. I need Mark to believe I am stable and functioning. I've been doing well for the past few years. No episodes, no outbursts, no incidents where Mark has to visit me at Cedar Sinai because I've been admitted on a 51 50 hold after I broke into the LA home of Sebastian Knight, lead singer of the band nightlife. I'd been infatuated with him since I was in middle school. I chose to go to school at UCLA, chiefly to be near him. I won't say I'm the reason he tried to unload the place, but I'd heard his wife was not amused. It went on the market after my incident but didn't sell due to the rundown homes around it.

DL White [00:36:19]:
It's the nicest dump in the neighborhood, you could say. It remains empty, which I only know because I still drive by there sometimes, hoping he'll stop by to do some work on the property or something. Mark does the best he can to be patient. I do my best to be grateful for what he provides for me. I'm still technically on sabbatical from Silver's screen, though I haven't worked in years. It's important to Mark that I be allowed to live a soft life, to keep down stress. So I don't do anything but volunteer for his favorite charities and stare at these walls. The mix of medications make me boring and lethargic, so I've been secretly skipping doses just to feel like myself.

DL White [00:37:02]:
A few years ago, Mark got a new client, a singer songwriter, actor, and musician, who was a big deal ages ago in a pop group. He went solo, was dropped, then got a new deal. His label needed to prop him up with slick, shiny digital collateral, and Mark was the man for the job. After a few getting to know you sessions at the office, Mark discovered that he and his then girlfriend lived a few blocks from us, so he invited them over for dinner the moment I met Josh, heard the music, listened to him talk. A flame that had been smothered and tamped down flickered to life. He was a leading man, handsome, charismatic, and genuine. His voice was like honey, dripping with sensuality and charm. His eyes were the brightest blue, his hair a perfect mix of dark brown and distinguished streaks of gray.

DL White [00:37:54]:
I was drawn to him. Josh and Mark were friendly enough to wave when they saw each other. They hang out now and again, meet up for coffee and talk shop. Mark finished up the project and delivered it to the label. It was brilliant, but didn't do what Josh thought it would do for him. Later that year, he made a decision to pivot to management with promises to use Mark's firm from time to time. He'd said he wanted to start a family, slow down a little with no need to listen to the music again. The cds languished in Mark's office, so I took them and dovefirst into his work.

DL White [00:38:29]:
Solo albums, group releases, every tv show, guest spot. I spent hours watching and rewatching his Mickey Mouse club audition. He was just so earnest I could not stop thinking about him. I found myself staring at photos of him online, driving by his house to see if I could catch a glimpse, holding conversations with him in my mind.

DL White [00:38:51]:
Where he told me that he had.

DL White [00:38:52]:
Feelings for me, that we were both committed to other people. He said to hang on, to wait for him. Someday we'd be together. He'd tell me how, in the music he'd send me a message, specifically in a song. That way no one else would know what we were planning. Like a secret message box that only I could open. Something stirred inside me that I hadn't felt in years. I recognized dopamine hit of having someone new to obsess over the giddy joy in my soul at the prospect of a new relationship, the drama of not being able to be together but dreaming about the day when we could.

DL White [00:39:32]:
All of it felt familiar. I ignored the warning signs because I finally felt alive again. I was blissfully drowning in everything that was JC should say. I didn't want to be rescued. I sank deeper and deeper, listening to the songs nonstop, reading between the lines of every lyric, even watching new interviews to decipher any messages he might be sending me. So no, Mark doesn't need to know that I tried to visit a former pop star at his place of business. I would have no reason to go there, and even I couldn't invent an excuse he would believe. Instead, I'd take another stab at my dinner and force myself to take a few bites, act normal, play the loving, devoted wife and bide my time.

DL White [00:40:24]:
Thank you for joining me for this little snippet. I hope you enjoyed it. If you would like to read it, you can find it at my website. It's booksbydlwhite.com. Freebies scroll all the way down to the bottom.

DL White [00:40:36]:
I formatted several fanfiction stories, some of.

DL White [00:40:40]:
My best work, into ebooks. You can add it to your ereader and read at your leisure. If you'd like to read the whole glut of stories, you can find them@nsyncfiction.com archive I write under the name Miss M. I truly hope you enjoy them.

DL White [00:40:56]:
But please keep in mind these stories are not edited. They may need some development, they may.

DL White [00:41:01]:
Need some proofreading, but this is what I do for fun, so I don't.

DL White [00:41:05]:
Really worry about that kind of stuff.

DL White [00:41:06]:
When I'm writing fan fiction.

DL White [00:41:08]:
Have a wonderful week. We'll talk again next week. It's.