Embarking on the Journey of Self-Forgiveness and Authenticity: A Guide to Releasing Energy and Setting Boundaries

Ever felt the burden of old stories or felt shackled by guilt and shame from the past? We've got a refreshing conversation that will guide you on the path to release these chains, journeying to self-forgiveness and authenticity. Together, we'll uncover the power of releasing old stories and energies that are keeping us stuck. By acknowledging our worth and embracing our divine feminine, you'll discover a newfound comfort within your own skin.

This soulful discussion uncovers the taboo subject of our emotions. The societal norm is to suppress our feelings, but we're here to tell you that it's okay to face them. Confronting our emotions is a vital step towards progress and inner peace. You'll learn how to protect your precious energy by setting healthy boundaries, safeguarding yourself from harmful situations and people. We're not saying you'll have to forgive the assholes, but you'll learn to let go of the energy they've imparted on you.

As we conclude this enlightening episode, we delve into the beautiful art of self-healing, and how journaling can be a therapeutic form of expression. We'll introduce you to rituals of forgiveness that can facilitate your journey towards self-love and acceptance. The power of penning down a letter to a person who has wronged you or even to your own self can be tremendously liberating. So, are you ready to embark on this transformative journey of self-forgiveness and authenticity with us? Don't just hear it from us, experience it for yourself. Let's journey together.

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

That sounds good. Yeah, let's do it. Let's talk about some forgiveness, forgiving yourself. I think that's the thing. Yeah, forgiving yourself. I'll take a deep breath. Are you ready for it? Yes, and what's your sweatshirt, say, let's see that sweatshirt.

Speaker 2: 0:18

It says emotional labor union strike. My friend Brie found this and I absolutely love it. When I was doing, I was taking a walk this morning and so many people were like smiling and like giggling, like looking at me. I'm like why is everybody so friendly? And then I'm like, oh, I'm wearing this sweatshirt. Yeah, especially a lot of women who I walk by, they were like it's up, sis.

Speaker 1: 0:50

I always think about like different little funny. Like you know, you buy sweatshirts with like things on it, but like, if I said certain things on my sweatshirt, if people would like approach me, like approach me and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You know I just put my billboard out there.

Speaker 2: 1:05

Yeah, yeah, I do. It's so funny that as a over 50 person, I'm really into like graphic teas with messages and stuff. But yeah, no, I no longer believe. I think I used to be really stuck in the fact that you have to sort of dress your age or whatever, and I think all of that's total bullshit.

Speaker 1: 1:24

Girl, you have no idea, I do not dress my age. I do not dress my age. I don't even know what my age is supposed to dress like.

Speaker 2: 1:29

Exactly. I think all of that's changing and I think that's really good because I think, especially for women and femmes, there's this idea that we have to sort of uphold some standard to be acceptable or presentable. But I've been, I think, letting go of a lot of that, which I think ties in with forgiveness.

Speaker 1: 1:51

I think that right now is the time of divine feminine. I really feel like, even when I've been working on my clients, I'm like bringing through the energy of divine feminine and I think it's really empowering. And I think that a lot of us as women are no longer following those social whatever that is, whatever social rules or whatever we can hold anymore, and I think people are just learning to have that comfortability and like I am who I am, you like it or you don't like it. You know, this is what it is. I was telling somebody recently, like if you've noticed, my feeds changed on Instagram in the last couple of weeks and I was saying like I'm just being me, like yeah, you don't like it, but like I just was like I don't want to do this or this or this anymore, I'm just gonna be who I am.

Speaker 1: 2:34

And I was telling someone I was like I have had more business in the last couple of weeks than I've had in the longest time and I think it's because of just your authenticity shines out. Yeah, and that's it. Yeah, it's like this is who I am, but anyways, we'll talk, I'm sure. Authenticity, forgiveness, all of that All right. So welcome to Motherland.

Speaker 2: 2:53

Yeah, welcome to Motherland. We do always forget that part. So welcome to Motherland. I like this idea of forgiveness and let me tell you why.

Speaker 2: 3:25

When I was doing my meditation teacher training, I was having lunch with somebody, with a friend who I value his opinion greatly. He was also a meditation teacher doing the training and as we were doing the training, I was talking about another training that I wanted to do and he said and I'm paraphrasing but like when are you gonna stop doing trainings and recognize that you are enough already? And it was sort of like what's inside you that you think that you need to keep doing this to be valid? And I wanted to think both like slap and kiss him at the same time, because I was like, oh, I hate you and I love you because you like, you see me.

Speaker 2: 4:07

And it shifted something in me that for so often I thought my practice was about making me feel whole. And then I had empty spots that I was feeling, but I needed to fill it with myself. But then I started to think about are there things inside me that I no longer need or that I'm holding on to, that have been holding me back, that I need to sort of let go of and I think, sort of old stories about me not being enough for things that I needed to sort of release and forgive myself for, for sort of holding myself back and or harms that people have caused me that made me have those old stories, or the way that I've harmed people that made me had old stories. But I think forgiveness is about letting go of energy. That's the way of saying it.

Speaker 2: 4:51

It's not necessarily like, it's not even necessary. If you forgive somebody for doing something to you, it's not even about that person, it's about you and cutting that cord of connection from the thing that happened.

Speaker 1: 5:05

Yeah, I think that's a important part for you, for this episode, for people to understand. It's not about. It's not about we're not focusing on forgiving others. We're focusing on ourselves right now, but I'm sure that's gonna tie in cause. It does tie in. Would you say, though, that you're taking more classes and more of these things to almost cover up maybe for yourself moving within yourself?

Speaker 2: 5:25

Yes, and I think, pushing down something in me that I didn't want to acknowledge, a part of me that felt shame about something. And I think that's because my practice at the time, as I mentioned, was more about sort of filling myself with things rather than going inside and seeing what was there. And I think that's why I use a teaching lately about what's alive inside of you, because I think when you can notice what's alive inside of you, you can explore that and then you can either welcome things in or let things go. But you can't do that until you notice what's alive inside of you in a moment.

Speaker 1: 6:07

I love, that what's alive inside of you.

Speaker 2: 6:10

Instead of saying how are you what's alive inside of you? Woo Right, it hits different Dang.

Speaker 1: 6:20

Woo, that's alive inside of you. Ooh, that's a good one.

Speaker 2: 6:25

Yeah, and I like to give credit where credit is due. It's not even I didn't come up with this when I was in Slovenia, I think in April, at a retreat. It was an arts-based retreat, so there were a lot of acting exercises and one of the facilitators during the session we were doing a journaling session and said what's alive inside of you. I literally busted out into tears as soon as it was said. Like as soon as it was said, because it hit me so hard like oh my God, how have I not asked myself this question before, like as a teacher? And it was such a powerful moment. I was like, wow, am I doing my students a disservice by not asking this question?

Speaker 1: 7:08

So yeah, that's really good, because I think what you're saying right now is what I think I always try to tell people. We always try to move forward. I had this talk yesterday. This talk has been coming up a lot. Actually. We're always constantly trying to move on to the next step.

Speaker 1: 7:23

We're trying to move forward, we're trying to set our goals, we're trying to do all of this but in reality, we haven't actually went within ourselves, so we haven't made or cleared that space. Like you talked about energy within ourselves. So most people want to move on and do whatever they need to do, but they're not making peace within themselves. And I always tell people how can you sit here? I said this the other day we just have a new moon right now. You guys want to manifest, you guys want to create, but you don't have any room in you to create. You have no room to manifest and in order to do that, that means you're going to have to go within and you're going to have to clear that space and you're going to have to make the room for what that looks like. And part of that is what you're saying is realizing and asking yourself that question what's alive inside of you? And then looking at it and connecting that feeling of forgiveness and coming to that.

Speaker 1: 8:13

You did that to me, I did that to you when, when.

Speaker 2: 8:19

It might have been me and you, or me, you and Mel. No, I think it was just you. You were interviewing me and this might have been pre-show or after the show, but in our conversation I was like screwing around about leaving Rikers and you said there's so much energy around that that you have to get rid of. You were too connected to that place and I was like, yeah, I need to give notice. And you said so what are you?

Speaker 1: 8:49

Oh yeah, I'll call someone out in a second oh yeah, you called me out of my bullshit quick.

Speaker 2: 8:52

You said give me a date, yeah, 100%. And I was like, well, and you just pick a date. And I picked a date inside in that spot and I gave my notice the next week and it was a pivotal moment, right, you have those peak or quantum moments when something's happening, because I remember sitting I was just finished shooting for Yoga International, andre and I were in a car service coming back from Pennsylvania and I was on my phone and I typed that resignation letter and I clicked it and in that moment I could hear your voice saying like pick a date. And because it was important and you can even hear yourself saying it, right?

Speaker 1: 9:34

Can I say it to people? I'll tell you after you talk. But yeah, go ahead.

Speaker 2: 9:39

And there was a moment and I don't know if you've had these were like it's almost like time stops because you know something is going on in that moment when I clicked send and I was like nothing is ever going to be the same after I've done this and it was completely necessary and it needed to happen in this moment, and I don't know what the heck is gonna happen next with my life and I'm absolutely terrified. But like, let's go. And it's been awesome, right, it's been awesome and it's been scary and it's awesome. But if I didn't make room by leaving, I wouldn't have been able to do this podcast, I wouldn't be writing my book and come up with a proposal that I am so proud of, and I wouldn't have gone to Slovenia.

Speaker 2: 10:25

I wouldn't have done any of the things that I've been doing and ready for all of the things that are coming.

Speaker 1: 10:33

Yeah, I have a student and she's gonna laugh because I know she listens to our podcast. I love her to death. I have a student and so she's a great reader. She's a great reader and I mean she can give good readings. And so she said the other day she's like I'm like, yeah, what do you want? She's like I wanna change the world, I wanna do this with it, I wanna change the world. I'm like so when are you?

Speaker 2: 10:53

gonna do it Wednesday?

Speaker 1: 10:54

That's at the date. She's like what At the date? When are you gonna do it? I'm like I will pump you out when you go live. You tell me when you're gonna go live and you start taking that initiative when you're gonna do it. She just looked at me, those dead eyes, like what? And I'm like give me a date. I want to do something and go do it. Like, just do it. But yeah, I'll call it. My guides get like that and I know it's me, but I also know it's my guides.

Speaker 2: 11:16

So like when it comes to me, when you spoke to me it was you and something behind it it's my guides. It was because what you said was the energy of Rikers and I'm also paraphrasing a little bit but like the energy of Rikers is all over you, you're holding too much of it inside you. Yeah, and I had told you about some, you know, some very sort of scary experience energetically that had happened to me that prompted you to say you got to go, like you got to get out of there. But I think this goes back to forgiveness too. I think I felt guilty about leaving and being able to pursue what I think are like my dreams and wanting to sort of do service on a different scale, and I think that came from a place of lack that I was holding on to inside, that I needed to punish myself or something, and so by forgiving myself, I made space, and sometimes the space doesn't even need to be filled with anything Sometimes you just need the space.

Speaker 1: 12:20

That's exactly it. Sometimes you just need space. You know, it's funny. I think as humans, we're constantly looking to feel the void, feel the void, feel the void. Why, like? Why, you know, and I was saying that to somebody recently. When we're just talking, I mean, I think this goes hands in hands with healing, and I was saying, sometimes healing you said it too. I think Sometimes healing is just resting.

Speaker 2: 12:42

Oh yeah.

Speaker 1: 12:43

You don't have to do something. You don't have to. Oh, I got to meditate, I got to do this. I got to go do this. I got to, you know, go inner-child healing. I got to just sit, just rest. You want to take a nap? Take a nap, Like that's healing too, Like you know, and that's where I'm like you don't have to constantly fill stuff in. Leave that space for, like, the universe to give you whatever it needs to give you to breathe, whatever that needs to bring in. I'm laughing because the universe is like and when we do, because then you run, no, but when you do I'm laughing. I'm laughing. I'm laughing Because my guides are like and we did, and you what I said, I ran so, but you get better.

Speaker 2: 13:26

What do we do as a bell when you get what you?

Speaker 1: 13:28

want, I'm done. No, we don't, guys, we don't. I'm so upset, we panicked. We actually do, though, don't we? But I think we do.

Speaker 1: 13:38

Like that goes into whole other issues. I think that there's times where we get what we want and we're like oh wait, like now, like right now, like you're oh, you really were meaning like right now. Like we're like I'm not ready, but it's like no, the universe is like you're so, so ready, like you're more ready than you think you are, and you need to just let that space you give yourself and let it just kind of flow with it. But it's interesting because in my topic that I'm talking about, I think it also comes with that room of forgiving, because for me, something came in I'm not giving all my details, but something came in and I was thinking, I'm quote, not ready, because I felt guilt for something.

Speaker 1: 14:15

But I was like well, I feel bad if I step into something else. I feel bad if I move into this, because I'm holding guilt into, you know, something of the past, like maybe I haven't healed this, or maybe I haven't, you know, let this go, or maybe it's too soon, or whatever it is, and there's a lot of guilt and shame, I think, around forgiving ourselves. It's like it's funny that we're more comfortable, maybe in the guilt and shame than actually the healed versions of who we actually are meant to be.

Speaker 2: 14:43

Oh shit, yeah, I think I'm you said it like this idea that we're not ready to forgive ourselves or we're afraid to forgive ourselves, I feel sometimes guilt and this is, you know.

Speaker 2: 15:03

I think this is why my practice is so important and this is why I think, when it comes to black and indigenous folks, exploring spirituality, sort of separating ourselves from dominant culture, is really important because we get caught up in this idea of capitalism or having to earn certain things or be really productive.

Speaker 2: 15:23

And I had a lot of guilt and shame about who I used to be when I was in my other career. I was mean, I was selfish and because I was scared and I moved from a place of lack and scarcity because I didn't think that there was, I had to fight for my seat at the table, like as a black woman doing stuff. So I wasn't always kind and sometimes I was downright mean and I think even in thinking about that part of myself I a couple of years ago I wouldn't have been able to articulate this out loud because I probably would have been broken down into tears or felt so terrible and a big part of my practice, and sort of coming back to remembering who I was was saying like you were that person because that was the only way that you knew how to be in order to do what you needed to get done. But you don't have to do that anymore and you have to forgive yourself of that if you're going to move forward.

Speaker 1: 16:27

Yeah, yeah, well, when you don't like we said a little bit like when you don't forgive yourself, right, we get caught up in that shame, we get caught in that anger, we get caught up in low self-esteem. You guys probably realize your communication skills suck because you're like trying to fight back some stuff like that. But I'm listening to you and I'm thinking how in the past you know I'll be straight out like in the past people are like you're a bitch. I think before they're like Isabel, you were a bitch, you, I didn't know that my my friends at that time they're no longer my friends, but my friends at that time would be like Isabel's always down and ready to fight and I was like old people, that like what. And they're like, yeah, you were always looking for the fight and I was like I didn't think that of myself.

Speaker 1: 17:07

But I say that as we hold this energy inside of ourselves that we don't realize at times actually there, because we don't want to pay attention to it. But I say, right, energy has to come out some way. Whether it's grief, whether it's pain, whether it's anger, it has to come out some way. And if you're not forgiving yourself and you're not honoring whatever those things are within yourself, like I think it projects outwards in a way and that's where that you know it negatively impacts your relationships with others. And yeah, I think you leak right Like a perfect word. You leak right I'm imagining right now, like a balloon that's letting go of its helium.

Speaker 2: 17:44

Absolutely, and you know you overreact in certain situations, you underreact in other situations, because you're never coming from a place of authenticity. Right, You're you. You don't know what's alive inside of you. Yeah, so it's like nothing is on even ground, Nothing's real and everything's shaky. And out of that shakiness we react and we lash out because we don't feel safe inside ourselves. And so I think forgiveness helps us feel safe inside ourselves, even if we don't like what we're feeling.

Speaker 1: 18:13

Right, I was saying this. Yes, it's funny because I literally had this talk yesterday. I was saying yesterday about, though, and the fact that, in order for you to work on forgiving yourself, right, where does it start? You have to focus on your emotions. You have to acknowledge and process your emotions, and I was saying that we though I think society has taught us not to do that right you keep moving, you keep moving, you just keep going, suck it up, deal with it, make the best of it, and I know for myself and my own family I'm only speaking from my own culture and heritage I watched, right, I watched my grandfather watched everybody just, okay, they're going to give you slack. You keep going, you keep moving, you keep moving. You know you show what you're better, and you just push that. You push it, you push it. So I think there's so much of that deconstructing of learning how to really acknowledge and feel into your emotions and your feelings, because we have been taught not to be safe in it.

Speaker 2: 19:04

Oh, absolutely, you're so emotional, onika, I can't tell you how awesome You're, so sensitive. You're so sensitive. Oh, here goes Onika being so sensitive, oh, onika. So here's emotional Onika. She's always got to get all of you know whatever about whatever we're talking about.

Speaker 2: 19:25

And I, I embodied that and I sort of held on to that sort of identification of I'm too sensitive, I'm too emotional, and wasn't allowing myself to to explore the things that I needed to explore. I kept on taking on all these external stories about what people thought of me, believing that they were true, and then to making them true inside myself. And it took a long time to unlearn that and heart. And, believe me, there are times that, you know, I think about certain things or things that I've done, and I still feel flushed with shame about the ways that I acted. Sometimes and, you know, and because I have this practice, I have forgiven myself for that.

Speaker 2: 20:05

So there's some tenderness around it too, but it doesn't mean that the shame goes away. It's just that I can live with it now and I think that's what it is. You don't necessarily have to make anything go away, but you learn and sometimes it does dissipate and go away, but it's also. We can get re-triggered and we learn how to deal with it. So it's not something that you know sort of takes us under. You know things would take me under. You know I could get upset and hold onto it for like weeks and months, just like doing and stewing.

Speaker 1: 20:34

Oh, my God, I've not realized right now how focused this whole conversation is. Sorry, I'm laughing because everything is clicking right now. I'm like oh, oh, my God, I'm having epiphanies. You guys, I'm having epiphanies and I'm having a therapy session with herself right now, oh, got it.

Speaker 1: 20:52

But that's the biggest thing, like you know, you said triggered and I'm like yeah, you got to give yourself that permission to recognize and accept, like, where you have been triggered, and welcome them. I think the other part into forgiving yourself too and I was talking to somebody recently is it doesn't mean that you have to like. Some people are like I don't, I don't know if I can do that Like, I don't know if I can actually have the strength to process this, or I don't know if I want to feel this again. I don't know if I want to look at this again, and I think it's a matter of like just do what you can, just like, if you can't have to do it all at once you don't have to say that again for the people in the back.

Speaker 1: 21:28

What you can. You don't have to do it all at once. You just do it little by little, by little, and I was saying that you know I was like that means you have to doggy paddle. Then doggy paddle, that means your toes just get dipped in the water. Dip it in the water, like whatever it looks like in, whatever it like, you can handle it. Then handle that and then take a step back, go back in. Take a step back, go back in. But I think you make a good point where I think the better way for me to say it is that the memory of maybe something doesn't dissipate, but at least you're willing to let go of the energy that you are holding on. That's what's important. You might not let go of the memory, but you can let go of the energy, and it's more important that you let go of that energy, like we said at the beginning, in order to create that space.

Speaker 2: 22:14

And I think that goes to forgiving other people as well. Right, nadia Bolls Weber is a reverend. She's a reverend. The sarcastic Lutheran is her Instagram, but she has a fantastic oh, she's awesome. She's like cover and tattoo. She's a bad ass. She curses. I love her. I love everything about her.

Speaker 2: 22:40

But she has this video on YouTube. It's called Forgive the Assholes it's the name of it, and I know how can you not love a reverend who says forgive the asshole, like you have got to? I can't tell you how many people I played that for at Rikers because I think it was so important. And she talks about taking bolt cutters and cutting the ties of people who have hurt you, and it's not about saying, yes, I'm okay with what you did to me, but I am releasing myself of the energy of the thing that happened, and I would also add on to that, and I think this is also important too.

Speaker 2: 23:20

You may not be able to forgive people who have hurt you and guess what? That's okay. You don't have to. I think the word forgiveness is also like hella, triggering in itself, because instantly in our society, forgiveness is associated with doormat. It's associated with you know, like you have to take it or suck it up or turn the other cheek or all of these things that are seen as being like weak or less than. But I think forgiveness is one of the most powerful things that we can do for ourselves, because it truly frees us. It's an act of liberation to cut yourself off from something that was holding you back. It cuts bonds right, it cuts chains, it lets you, sort of like, stand on your own. I don't think I would be who I am without forgiveness, and there's some things I won't that.

Speaker 2: 24:21

I don't know if I can forgive I won't say never but there are also things that I still know that I'm not in a place to forgive that person or even forgive myself for some things that I've done you know, I think the most important part in that is you're talking about forgiving other people is I think you said it right there are some people in life that I think you just, yeah, you don't forgive.

Speaker 1: 24:40

There's just too big of an issue, and I don't think we need to list them. I think we all know what some of those are for ourselves. But I think the bigger part is to look at energetically, though. Are you giving too much of yourself to that situation? Right, that's something else. Like, that's where it's like, am I giving my anger? Am I giving my you know energy into that situation? Right, that's different.

Speaker 1: 25:04

I think, when we look at it like, you know, am I asking for the why or why or how or how could you know all these things? It's like, focus on like, do I want to continue giving my energy to this person? Do I want to continue giving that to them? Um, no, like, the answer is no, but that doesn't mean that you have to necessarily be like. You know what? I Forgive you for that mistake. You didn't know better. No, you can just be like.

Speaker 1: 25:29

No, I choose not to like, put my focus on there, and this is my energy and it's my power, and I'm gonna call it back and I'm gonna be with it. Right, I'm gonna. I'm just gonna be with it and I'm gonna call that back. I'm gonna mourn whatever I need to mourn, I'm gonna grieve whatever I need to grieve, I'm gonna be pissed off and mad for a little bit and I'm gonna get it out, because you FN did not need to do that, or whatever it is. But then now I'm gonna call it back, yeah, well, back, and I'm gonna choose to separate myself. I think it's like you said, cutting it. It's your separation that you need to pull yourself back from, because I think that's where, like a lot of my clients can get caught up in the why or how, or you know things and Sometimes you don't have. You don't have the answers.

Speaker 2: 26:08

Yeah, and it's like I mean, there's always there's so many great Um visuals for it, but it's like somebody pushes you into a pool and you can't swim. Are you gonna like yell at the person who pushed you into a pool or are you gonna try to find a light preserver so you don't drown, right like? You need to focus on taking care of yourself and and and sort of not drowning and not putting the finger at like why'd you push me into the pool? That doesn't matter right now. You got to take care of yourself and I think that's that's an.

Speaker 2: 26:39

It's an important thing to remember, um, that we do this so we can take care of ourselves and and, by extension, you know, we show up better for for the world when we're taking care of ourselves, because we are Um all connected. But that's why we have boundaries. You can forgive and have boundaries, and you can forgive yourself, um, and create healthy boundaries going forward, so you're not finding yourselves doing the same things over and over and over again, whether it's allowing yourself to be hurt or whether it's somebody hurting you.

Speaker 1: 27:11

Yeah, I agree. There's a lot of people that do not know how to do boundaries though, like that's a lot.

Speaker 1: 27:16

Most people do not understand what boundaries are. They don't know how to create boundaries. They don't know how to keep boundaries right. That's a big one Maybe that's another app, is that's a big one? Where they're like I have my boundaries up but I'm like all right, but how many times did you let him back in Right? How many times did you say, okay, but he understands my boundaries, does he? Because you keep opening the door, do they? Whatever it is right.

Speaker 1: 27:38

So, yeah, I think the other part too, when we talk about, you know, forgiving yourself is like we said, like I think we kind of said it in not so many words, but it's to give yourself that grace and compassion, and I don't think that we offer that enough to ourselves. Like you know, I always say we're human, you guys are human. You may come down to this earth to live a human experience, to experience all these emotions, to experience all this energy, and you're human. We, I think we somehow, somehow, have put ourselves On a pedestal. That that is not, that's not reality. That is like perfectionism, by the way, is a total, total, um, is it? I'm losing my words right now. But if you're perfectionist, it's a trauma response. So we. We put ourselves on these pedestals and you know we beat ourselves up over maybe mistakes or things we should have or shouldn't have done, rather than looking at them as like I was.

Speaker 1: 28:35

I had to do this lesson the other day. I I'm a Health mindset coach for another company and we're talking about fixed mindset versus growth mindset right and looking at things as an opportunity for learning how to grow right. Like, how how can I look at this quote mistake as an as an opportunity to grow, as an opportunity to better myself, as an opportunity to learn, like this is school, this is school, this is your soul school. So you're learning lessons constantly. So I think that's the other part of looking at it is great. You made a quote mistake. I hate the word mistake, that's why I'm quoting it. You made a quote mistake and now what are you going to do about it? Are you going to learn from it? Are you going to learn from it Right?

Speaker 1: 29:14

My mom said it the other day. I was talking to her about um, I Don't care whatever. I was talking to her about my past relationships and she was like the most important part is you don't focus on I should have and I shouldn't have and I shouldn't have done this. She goes did you learn? Would you learn? Yeah, yeah, she's like that's all that matters. You grew and I was right, and she's like that's it in every circumstance and I'm like, I mean, I teach it, but sometimes you just got to hear it, you know. So it's like okay, like so, just looking at what can you learn and what did you? What did you learn from this? And even if it is just the fact that I have the awareness into my emotions right now, cool, let's start there.

Speaker 2: 29:55

That's really powerful and I think it's really helpful in relationships that we have with other people when we can start to Do that and forget ourselves and recognize. You know that we, you know, make mistakes or create opportunities, or however Do you want to frame it. One of my favorite bosses, um, he, used to say Make all of the mistakes in the world, just don't make him twice. Like learn something from it. You know what I mean. Allow yourself to say like, oh, won't do that again.

Speaker 2: 30:25

And I have to tell you it was a really powerful thing because he was like new to the company that I was working at and my company was very closed, like we weren't good at like letting new people in, and. But I have to tell you, when he said that to me, I called him all the time and you know we worked remotely, like I would see him once a month or once every you know Other month. But if something happened and I was like, oh, I gotta let Bob know, I would call him right away because if I made a mistake, I'd like he's like all right, let's lay it on me, what's going on, because we could work through it and figure out how it wouldn't happen again. He's like I can defend anybody who's learned from something because I can say, listen, this happened and they're not gonna do it again, because this is gonna go on right. But Now, and that kind of attitude allows for open communication, healthy conflict and creates I think, creates real lasting bonds with people, whether it's professionally or personally.

Speaker 1: 31:27

Yeah, I think I, I wholeheartedly agree with that and I think when you have that that part, what you're saying I agree with, like being the honesty and speaking, and I think even in you know, we're talking right now about forgiving ourselves. But when you're looking at forgiving other people or even asking somebody else for forgiveness, right, like I did wrong, can you forgive me? I made a mistake, forgive me. Yeah, that person has an energy to to tie into it. Yes, they have something to bring to it, but, like you said, that makes the bond stronger. If you guys can have that communication, if you can come back through it, um, I don't know, that's why I see it. But the other part that I was thinking about too and I'm going back into flashing into my past personality guys would have all loved me.

Speaker 2: 32:10

You're not gonna love me, you wouldn't have loved me, we still probably would have been friends, which is really sort of terrifying. I was just thinking that.

Speaker 1: 32:20

I was actually like, oh my gosh, we would have been, we would have had so much fun.

Speaker 2: 32:26

Girls, it would have been really awful you can't sit with us.

Speaker 1: 32:29

Yeah, oh, I used to always hashtag all of my posts no new friends, old like, no new friends, like, like all sorts of things. Like I was very closed in, I was very In for someone. That's who I am now. Like I was like nope, this is my, this is not the box. You fit it and you don't fit it. And if you don't fit it, like you're gonna get every dirty look in the book because you better.

Speaker 2: 32:50

Yeah, you know I'm gonna go ahead. I want to hear, I want to hear your flash.

Speaker 1: 32:55

But I was thinking about in the sense that I think I look back at it and I don't know if it was so much that I I think I had a lot of emotions in me period, a process that maybe it wasn't so much for me at that point about forgiving myself but just forgiveness in general.

Speaker 1: 33:10

And I want to say, though, that I didn't have. I lacked the ability to be compassionate towards other people. I can see it now where I couldn't understand People's emotions. I couldn't understand how to be compassionate, because my life was, oh well, that sucks too bad. Okay, on to next. Like there was no compassion in me.

Speaker 1: 33:33

Like you know and I think that's the other part that you're that you have to realize is that when you choose to forgive yourself, it can definitely help you be more compassionate towards other people. So, you know, I tell people like look, there's times where we make choices in our lives where we're like I have a really hard time focusing on me. I have a hard time focusing on what my healing, it on me that I need to do, and I'm like well, great, if that's hard, then focus on the benefit it's going to have to others. Focus on the benefit that it's going to help you be more compassionate, or or forgiving, or, you know, help that person with whatever they need to. But I think that's just a part of it. Is that, yeah, it blocks certain Sensors that's my guides are like sensors and I'm like, yeah, that's kind of what it is. A block certain sensors within you. If you don't have that compassion towards yourself, you're not going to be able to give that compassion towards other people.

Speaker 2: 34:22

Yeah, I couldn't forgive myself, so I was very unforgiving with the magma. I'm very exacting with everything. Everything was very black and white. Nothing could be in a gray zone. It was all about what I could understand and if I couldn't understand I wasn't interested and in a lot of ways it served me. In working in a corporate environment it was very helpful because I could have no compunction about doing the things that I needed to do Some of the things I'm really not very proud of at all, but it allowed me to be successful and I put that in really giant air quotes in one way, but in other ways I think it separated me from my own heart the more that I did it.

Speaker 2: 35:16

And I think when I left that life and sort of wanted to figure out who that person was, I realized when I quit that job I didn't have an identity because I was that person and I was what I did for a living. And it was kind of good in a way, because that person completely died and I could be reborn or reconnected to the person that I think I always was, or I was when I was little, or yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1: 35:47

It's good, I don't know. I just I think for myself, just I created the space and I think it was really hard. Like, I'll be honest, it was really hard, like I don't know. I think there's still parts of me that still come up where I'm like, oh, like, you need to. You know, you need to let go of this. You need to let go of that. You need to let go of this. My I'll be dead honest. My ex-husband is great at helping me realize all these little things I have to forgive. Like you know, there's constantly situations, not for myself, like within myself, but learning how to give that grace to other people and be like, okay, you know. Like what can you do? Like, let it go, let it go. But I think the thing is too.

Speaker 1: 36:35

I always tell people the only person you can control and change is yourself. You can't control Absolutely, like even in you wondering the why of circumstances or how things happened or what happened. The only person you have control of is you. That's it at the end of the day. And if you're not willing to control your own self and look at your own self, then what, then what? What are you doing? You're not growing it. You're feeling stuck, you're confused, you're lost in it. Right, I was telling somebody again guys, I do a lot of teaching all the time.

Speaker 1: 37:07

I saw something but I was like, you guys are constantly processing your life outside of you. You're constantly processing everything out here I'm pointing above my head but, like you know, in this space of quote logic, you're trying to pull from this and pull from that and keep going and find the strength and just focus and you're processing everything outside of you. But that's not the way it works. Like, that's the way society's taught us to work. That's the way you know we've been taught. But it all has to be processed inside of you. That's why, like, I always talk about being present. Like, pull all of that in. You want growth? Pull it in. You want to understand yourself better? Pull it in. Like, you guys have to learn how to process your emotions, you have to learn how to forgive yourself. You have to learn how to do all these things inside yourself, not out here in this bubble, where it's quote safe outside of you. Because for us, that's capitalism.

Speaker 2: 38:01

Cause if you look at it from like a wellness perspective, the wellness world, the spiritual world, will tell you, when it's taught through a lens of dominant culture, that everything that you need to quote, unquote, heal and fix yourself is outside of you. You know why they tell you that so you can buy something, so you can sign up for something, so you can constantly find yourself shelling out dollars to keep a system going. So you're constantly feeling like you're never enough, so there's a never ending funnel going to sort of try to fill up that hole inside of you with external things. And the truth is it's never going to be enough if you do it that way. But can you imagine if the whole world realized that all we need to do is sit with ourselves and when we can do that, we can be with each other? The whole shit falls apart, the whole system falls apart. Yeah.

Speaker 2: 39:03

It really needs to disintegrate. If we're like wait, we can just talk to each other and love each other and maybe even barter things, and we don't even need money. Wait what Nope, it all falls apart. Yep, yep, you're right.

Speaker 1: 39:18

It's terrifying, it's horrible. We've been taught to go into this cycle and cycle and cycle and be our worst critic and yeah, yeah, by crystals.

Speaker 2: 39:28

Take this course, my gosh, and I'm not saying that crystals aren't great and courses aren't great, but you know what I'm. You guys know what I'm talking about. You folks know what I'm talking about. I'm talking about this excess of, like yoga pants and things that are completely unnecessary by of this really expensive table to make an altar or by this very expensive meditation cushion, or you can only do this if you do this Right, and it's completely unnecessary. Find teachers who resonate with you, who speak to you in a way that, if you're working with teachers who are telling you the answers are inside you, they are the teachers that you need to be working with. People, teachers who are constantly telling you that they only you need them more than you need them, more than you need yourself. You need to run in the other direction, and you can quote me on that and I will die on that hill.

Speaker 1: 40:20

Yeah, 100%. You know, any teacher that's not teaching you how to look within yourself is not the right teacher. They're not teaching you anything. That's why I tell people too. I was like, when it comes to teachers, make sure your teacher's always growing, always doing the work, always studying, becoming a bit like no, you don't want anyone that stale, Like you don't want anyone that's just sitting there and saying like oh, this, this, this, so that's good.

Speaker 2: 40:40

Yes, your teacher should also be evolving. I'm a completely different teacher than I was even a year ago, let alone like 15 years ago. Completely different, and I even cringe at parts of that teacher too, but she did what she needed to do to get to where she is now. So it's okay, but some of the stuff just makes me really like I'm, like I, I roll myself for some of the things that I said.

Speaker 1: 41:03

Oh my God, I'm really right now thinking about. I have those memories that pop up on Facebook and I'm like Ah, like, oh God, like who is that? Like, stop talking. Like you know, trying to be like okay guys, like this is just to let you know. Like these are the things. Like, if you know me, I don't even talk like that.

Speaker 2: 41:23

Like Love and light. I can't tell you how many times I said love and light. I'm embarrassed, I'm embarrassed. Love and light. I said it a lot. People Don't at me, I don't say it anymore.

Speaker 2: 41:36

But grow, you know we grow. But that's the thing. Right, you have to grow. Your teachers have to be growing and changing and they should be telling you when they're growing and changing. I just learned this. Let me share it with you. Like that's what this should all be about. And teachers should also, you know, be talking about when they learn something or where they learned it from. So your own teaching lexicon for yourself gets bigger and bigger. Like there should be a great point when you go to another teacher because you've outgrown your teacher and and that's great. You know, I, even when I was a district manager, I wanted a point where, like you don't need me, like I could like disappear and things would keep moving. Like that's how you empower people and I think it's, I think it's so, I think it's so important. But if you don't have space to have that grace with yourself, you will never be able to do that with other people.

Speaker 1: 42:32

Right, yeah, 100%. You said everything. I think it's just the tips on how do you do it. Now, how do people learn?

Speaker 2: 42:38

Yeah, how do people do it, and so, from a more traditional perspective, I teach meta meditation. You know it's my favorite, so meta is loving, kindness. But what goes hand in hand with meta is forgiveness, and there's a forgiveness meditation that you can do and you know there's scripts for them but basically you allow yourself just to sit and maybe even think about something where you need to forgive yourself and you can, you know, use phrases like I forgive myself for the person that I was. Then I know that I'm always growing and changing and I allow myself to make mistakes and grow. I forgive myself, and then you can repeat that and then maybe, even if you want to forgive somebody for what they've done, you can use those same phrases for them. That's like that's something you can do. Do you want to create a ritual for yourself for forgiveness? Do you write down the thing that you want to forgive yourself for and burn it? Or imagine you don't even have to do it, like? Can you just like, visualize it?

Speaker 1: 43:37

I think those are great. Can you send that link to the Metta so we can put it in the? I think that for me, journaling is a really big thing and it's something I always tell my clients as well. If you're trying to forgive somebody, I highly suggest writing a letter to them. Doesn't mean to give it to them, just write it out. Give it. However, you need to let those emotions out. Let them out. Burn it, bury it, get rid of it. Don't keep the letter.

Speaker 1: 43:58

I think too, in the sense of the sound, learning how to like listen to yourself and acknowledge yourself because we are a worst critic is also. Journaling can go into there, like you can journal, you know, into what needs to be released or into what you need to forgive. So I think journaling is a really powerful thing to do. I journal all the time. I literally woke up I'm looking right now to my bed because I'm like 6.30 yesterday my mind was spinning. It was spinning 6.30 in the morning. I woke up. The light wasn't even on and I journaled in the dark because I was just like I gotta journal this out, I gotta get this out so that I'm not sabotaging myself. So I have the ability to create that space because you know those overwhelming thoughts. They do have that ability to sabotage yourself. So just finding any way to release, I don't care like I tell people scream in the car, talk in the car.

Speaker 2: 44:51

Yeah, I talk out loud, I actually. I talk out loud on my walks, I do too. I put in my headphones too. So sometimes I guess maybe people think I'm talking to somebody.

Speaker 1: 45:03

But I know AirPods and earphones are so great nowadays because, like you, don't look crazy, I Tell you, if I didn't know any better, there's times in the stores I'm talking to myself out loud and I do it so much I just I Don't know what to say. Like I'm like yeah, that's me. Like I'm walking on the aisle talking to myself, like I Probably do look crazy, it's okay, that's what I do.

Speaker 2: 45:36

My dog jet, knows every single secret about me. Jet and I have had some very serious conversation.

Speaker 1: 45:43

Yes, I have my, my companion, my two. So yeah, but I mean the other part too.

Speaker 2: 45:49

I think it's being gentle on yourself Just gentle, the movement can be a great way to to, you know, release things or give yourself some care. I love hopping on my bike. If you know, I'm sort of working something out that could be helpful. Sometimes I'll lay down you know, I'm just during to my yoga mat behind me. You know, there's lots of different ways and sometimes the same way won't work all of the time, and that's why having a variety of things can be useful. Sometimes it's journaling, sometimes it's walking, sometimes it's working out, sometimes it's crying in the chapel.

Speaker 1: 46:25

Oh, like when you guys are journaling, I want to encourage you to leave space for whatever else may rise because, like I'm talking about automatic writing or whatever it is that needs to you tell people what automatic writing is. So automatic writing I I had a. Here we go. My guides are like how do you guys want to explain it? That's when I'm trying to.

Speaker 1: 46:50

Automatic writing for me, or for anyone, is when you call in your spirit team. So what I do when I'm going into automatic writing mode, just let you guys know grab a pen, grab a paper, grab your phone. I don't care what you guys write on and I call in my guides by simply saying I call my higher self, my angels, my guides, just surround me and guide me. That's it. Um, my, my automatic writing always starts with dear spirit. Dear spirit, and this will look like, sometimes, me just writing like I'm just pouring out my heart, I'm pouring out whatever I need to talk about, but I'm also asking questions. What does this look like? Why are you teaching me this and I'm listening to what those answers are and just letting the pen guide me, without judgment, without ego, just freely write whatever comes to mind. Do not judge it, don't have ego in it and don't think like this isn't me.

Speaker 1: 47:41

You may notice your writing is changing, your writing styles changing, your words are changing. Just let it flow, and that's where automatic writing is. We do it often like I tell people like you ever write down an email and you're like wait when that email come from. You automatic wrote, you just went in and you just freely flowing out of your fingertips. Same thing when it comes to cotton paper and oftentimes, sometimes it's one word, sometimes it's a sentence, sometimes it's a paragraph. It doesn't have to be a lot, but it needs to be whatever it is, whatever you probably need to receive. My thing is keep digging. I always tell people keep asking questions when, how, why, what does it look like? What is this? Break this down? Why do I feel this way? What am I supposed to be acknowledging? What do I need to learn? I Will ask my spirit team a thousand and one questions to just okay, I surrender, I surrender.

Speaker 2: 48:28

Okay, we feel better. So yeah, but I'm doing automatic writing. I Do it on my phone, on my notes, doc, my notes on my iPhone is amazing, and for iPhone people, there's also a hashtag feature now, so you can hashtag and you can organize all of your notes with those hashtags.

Speaker 1: 48:52

I think it's the same for our Samsung. Oh is it?

Speaker 2: 48:55

It's a great tool because I literally I write everything down on my notes thing and it's not organized and I actually just yesterday started hashtagging everything. So now I can find it. But my point is is that was not my point. My point is is what I'm doing, my automatic writing? I don't edit, don't worry about spelling, I just I just put it down. Sometimes punctuation isn't happening and I don't go back, it's just I just get it out until I feel like I'm at the end of it. As, as you know, isabelle and I are both writers, but as writers so for the writers out there there might be a tendency to do, you get into writer mode and you think you need to edit and you know and and put your style Into it, and that's not what this is. This isn't like you writing an essay or writing your book or a poem. This is just an experience that you're supposed to be having with yourself and spirit. It's for you, it's not for something that you're necessarily going to publish. So get so to separate yourself from that.

Speaker 1: 49:58

I think that's a good point. Yeah, don't go back, don't go like oh, that it makes sense, I don't just get it out, just get whatever it is out. Yeah, I guess that's everything you have anything yeah. No, all right guys. Thanks for following, thanks for listening. Please leave a comment if you see any problems or any problems On your own or here on youtube.

Speaker 2: 50:39

Of course it's just a personal benefits.