Journey to Authenticity: Embracing Sexuality, and Manifesting Self-Love

From the depths of our hearts, we invite you along on a transformative journey exploring the intricate intersection of sexuality and spirituality. 

What if we told you that the imposter syndrome you're fighting is deeply rooted in systemic oppression and skewed societal narratives?  We tackle these difficult issues, emphasizing the dire need for authenticity and honest representation. 

We then navigate the beautiful maze of love languages and attraction. Personal experiences and preferences are shared, as we discuss the attractiveness of qualities such as drive and revolution. We transition from love for others to self-love, manifestation, and authenticity, showcasing the importance of knowing oneself and holding space for others. 

We encourage everyone to embrace their sexuality and love themselves unconditionally, to start the new year with an abundance of love and self-love. Join us on this journey of liberation, empowerment, and authenticity.

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Email: podcastmotherland@gmail.com

Transcript

Embracing Self and Stepping Into Authenticity

Speaker 1 0:00

think that's you. I think we're both hitting that, that area where you know you. We strive so hard to let go of all those things that you know projections or beliefs or stuff like that and then there comes a point where you truly do embrace your whole self. Yes, and it's, and I think that's where it's like you know whether we want to give it a name of Kingdom or Divine Family or Mass, but it comes a point where you're just like I know who the fuck I am. That like I just I know who the fuck I am and I feel like that's that's where that's the same with me. I'm like I feel like I'm just like no, I know who I am. You like it, you don't like it, but I know who I am. And for us both, I think you know, you say you have a long fucking time, yeah Long time, yeah, but you look amazing and you know what and I feel like you feel younger.

Speaker 2 1:01

I'm supposed to be 52 because I feel like if things had come earlier, yeah, how weird.

Speaker 1 1:07

You're 52 and I'm 42. And I feel like this is the same. This is where I always and it's weird that I've always known 42. This is where you will be and I'm still not there yet, but I'm also very, very much in that motion of like. Oh no, we're about to like. It'll be really, really freaking good.

Speaker 2 1:29

Yeah, it feels really good.

Speaker 1 1:33

Well, what are we talking? I know last time we talked about I know I was looking at our text messages to see and I said we could do about sexuality, spirituality, self, which I feel like we kind of are moving into a little bit of that. I've just yeah. I like that, all right. Well, let's just navigate this and see. I have no idea how this is going to look or sound, like we ever freaking do.

Speaker 2 1:56

I don't, and this is our season finale.

Speaker 1 1:59

It's so sad. Do you know how many people have been asking, like, when you coming back? When you come back, what are you guys doing? And I'm just like, oh my gosh, like the grief pod, the grief episode got good feedback from my side.

Speaker 2 2:13

Yeah, yeah, people love people love grief. People have been asking me to when we're coming back, but I think it's good for us to have our season finale so we can even plan what season two looks like.

Speaker 1 2:29

Yeah, we're going to bring season two back After the new year, huh.

Speaker 2 2:34

After the new year and I something tells me we'll be doing a lot of episodes in person. Yeah, I feel it.

Speaker 1 2:42

I feel that too. That's because I'm going to be in LA and you're going to be in LA, and we're going to be in LA together. We're going to be in LA together. I'm telling you, I didn't join that place that I told you about, but there, I want to, I want to, but I don't know yet. Their, their podcast room, is absolutely amazing, but I know regardless if we have a podcast room or not. Uh huh, I definitely think that we need to be in person any. Absolutely we do. We should do like a fun. I know we're probably going to get so many hits if I say this right now It'd be fun to do like a live, a live recording with people.

Speaker 2 3:26

That would be awesome and I pulled. I pulled a card while we were talking. The three of discs from this is from the Rachel, true, rachel, true from the craft, this tarot deck. It's gorgeous, like it's every. Every card is like a work of art. But I pulled the three of discs, which is teamwork, mentorship, collaboration and planning stages.

Speaker 1 3:53

That's where we're going.

Speaker 2 3:54

That's where we're going In professional life. Your hard work and ego sacrifices have not gone unnoticed. Progress and recognition may net you an investor who sees your vision.

Speaker 1 4:06

Calling it in, calling it in. There we go, calling it in, all right, well, welcome to motherland, let's go. So I know that's that's our goal and I know a lot of it is just like, I think, between me getting more clarity into my job and like trying to redo that website and then we got to do our other stuff and, yeah, it's going to work out. We will.

Speaker 2 4:54

We will. And as we're talking about like sexuality and spirituality, I love thinking of the idea, like the conversation that we were having, like pre show about just who we are and what we're stepping into, you know, and calling it whatever kingdom, divine, feminine, as you were saying. But I think one of the things I've been thinking about is, for those of you who can't see, I started growing in my gray, I noticed it. Let's bring that, thank you. And I think part of this is like me just stepping into who I am.

Speaker 2 5:29

And this is no shame against people who color the gray. I mean, I colored it for years and one day I may decide to again but but there's this sense of you need to be exactly who you are right now and sort of just take off any masks. And that, I think, is also part of my sexuality and spirituality not being able to be boxed, not being able to be told who I should be or could be, but letting it all come from. All come from within.

Speaker 1 6:00

Well, I think when we talk about like you, when we talked about it before, like you just stepping, there comes a stage where you step into your whole self and you start living in that space. Yeah, you can't box one thing up and then have the other box open. It has to be all boxes are flowing free. And there the thing that I've been learning, as I've been in my situation, is is that that sense of security to open up all the boxes. You know, and I've been talking a lot to, like the people I say whatever people and tick, talk and different things about, like those different attachment styles, but in the sense that we have to feel secure in ourself in order to open up all of those boxes, right. So it's like I have to feel very secure to have all my boxes open and how I present myself, my sexuality right now, is presented so freaking different than I was presenting a year ago?

Speaker 1 6:58

Tell me.

Speaker 1 6:59

I don't have presenting is right word. But like I think, in the way that I'm showing up for myself, I feel so much more sexual than I have felt in a really long time I mean in a really long time. I'm very comfortable in my skin, I'm very comfortable with who I am, you know. That's why I was like oh, I'm doing burlesque dancing because I freaking just want to do burlesque dancing. Or feeling into my sexuality, or in my expression of like you know, my, I don't care who listens my sex game is different. That's an entirely free game.

Speaker 1 7:38

Whether it's the compatibility of my partner, I don't know. Like it's entirely different, but like I think, yeah, like that's kind of it. So I think that's just an outward expression of what I'm, the way that I show up for myself I don't know how to explain it the way that I look at it, I feel I don't know. Everybody's always like now, they're like you look different, you feel different. Everyone's like you're on this, like, glow up, you're showing up differently, and I think it's just the comfortability of self.

Speaker 2 8:07

I'm like, yeah, that's just who I am. I think owning menopause and not saying that like, oh, menopause is this thing that I have to manage and it was in the beginning. I think, like the symptoms and also acknowledging this beautiful transition that I'm going through right, like menopause is a threshold and doing some things for myself like HRT actually kicked my sex drive back into gear and just this sense of being a person who connects with the erotic, no matter what I'm doing. Do you know, like Audrey Lord used to talk about living an erotic life even outside of sex, but just the way that you write and I've been writing about that actually and like just being able to live life sensually, whether it's eating or working out. But I find myself finding pleasure in so many things that I didn't before and I think there's a freedom for me that I'm over 50. And like this is like the second half of my life that I'm supposed to really be enjoying and it's really wonderful.

Speaker 1 9:20

I like that.

Speaker 2 9:21

Yeah.

Speaker 1 9:22

Is it weird that I feel like? I mean, I have four kids, I was married for 17 years, but I feel like life is just starting for me.

Speaker 2 9:31

Yeah, I think that's, and it is some ways starting again, starting. You know, whatever you, however you wanna call it, I actually feel like parts of my life are just starting for the first time as well, and I don't wanna say late bloomer. I think things happen when they're supposed to happen, but I think there was a lot of me holding on to external narratives Of what I thought my life was supposed to look like, did you?

Speaker 1 10:00

find, yeah, that's the whole reason I have a job. And that's the whole reason I have a job is when I coach people in letting go of those external narratives. But that's also what I had to do, too is letting go and shedding all those external narratives. You know it sucks. I did a TikTok video recently that actually had a lot. It was a TikTok Instagram and had a lot of feedback where I think I was, I don't know, I don't know if it was TikTok or Twitter, it doesn't matter. The point is is I was sharing that kind of those factors.

Speaker 1 10:30

And I think what's hard is I can hear spirit saying just because we let go of our external factors or we let go of those certain beliefs, doesn't mean that other people are going to as well. Right, and so I find now that as I become more comfortable in my own skin, as I become more my own self-expression, a lot of people don't know how to come to that. They don't understand. They don't understand it in a way. But the more comfortable I am in just knowing my sense of self like it matters, but it also doesn't matter. And I say it matters because, at the end of the day, I still have feelings. So when somebody still says things, it can hurt or sting.

Speaker 1 11:11

But you know, yeah, I think we're always letting go of, like the external narratives, and that's what we have to learn is like who are you? Who are you? What brings me happiness doesn't necessarily bring you happiness. The way that I show up isn't necessarily the way you show up and then all of that's okay. All of that's okay and that's why I think your big one that talks about it and I talk about it too is the idea of perfectionism doesn't really exist. It's a man-made factor. We don't even need to start where that actually fricking started from right. We all know If you listen to podcasts, you probably fricking know. So my point is it's not real and we're all chasing this idea of being perfect. We're all chasing this idea of things and it doesn't exist.

Speaker 1 11:53

So giving yourself that permission to create your life for yourself and what it looks like is a huge fricking factor. But it's scary as hell. Everybody's like you know that I work with is like what's it gonna look like? What does failure look like? What if I don't succeed? What if this doesn't work? Or what if that doesn't? Or what if this? And and I always tell people you gotta let go of the what ifs and you have to just allow yourself to step forward and navigate it and see what happens, because I don't think that any of us are ever in a situation that I can hear spirit saying this sounds weird saying it but that we're ever in a situation that we don't need to be in, meaning that the situation that, whatever good or bad that you're in, is where you need to be in that moment in order to learn whatever lesson that you're having to learn. And that sucks. I get it. I get there's a lot of things that we could say in that, but I think there's some truth in that too.

Imposter Syndrome and Dismantling Oppression

Speaker 2 12:43

Thank you, I like that. I also don't think that there's imposter syndrome.

Speaker 1 12:52

You don't think there's imposter syndrome.

Speaker 2 12:55

I think imposter syndrome is just more oppression and us believe swallowing narratives, and so we don't believe that we are who, exactly who we are.

Speaker 1 13:07

Interesting.

Speaker 2 13:09

That's an interesting thought. I don't necessarily think it comes from self. I think it's swallowed stories from external that we've swallowed so we fool ourselves into thinking that we're not worthy. But once we start to do exactly as you're talking about that imposter syndrome or people society unconsciously telling us that we aren't worthy we start to recognize, when we start to claim ourselves and claim all of ourselves.

Speaker 1 13:42

I was okay. So before we got on, I was telling you how, like the other day, I had that meeting with the book coach and we're going over what the book was going to look like and I was telling her you know, this is what I want to write about and this is what the book's looking like. And she was like there's nobody out there doing that, you know, and, summing up, it's basically calling bullshit on all the spirituality aspects, calling bullshit and all of it and how it all just comes back within yourself. And then giving the tools for that, as well as guiding the factors, of course, like we're not whitewashing the shit out of spirituality anymore. We're going to own for what it is right.

Speaker 1 14:16

And then I moved from that meeting on to the other meeting of the donation planning, a donation drive, and then also planning not planning, but like talking about an event in LA and all of this is activism work, as far as you know, helping this side. So at the end of it, I very much at that end of those that those two calls was in who the fuck am I Like to say? Any of this fucking shit? I don't know what I'm doing. This is insane. Like who am I to talk about activism stuff or to speak up on this, or who am I to shake up the spiritual world? And so I very much felt like in that moment I was having an imposter syndrome. I don't know.

Speaker 2 15:04

And yes, and what I mean is that there's no imposter syndrome. I think we think we're told, through that white washing of spirituality that you've always talked about, that imposter syndrome is us just not living up to our potential and I'm like no, I think that's centuries of oppression telling us that we aren't worthy. So I think imposter syndrome for Black, brown and indigenous women looks different than it might for other people who have proximity to whiteness.

Speaker 1 15:42

Oh, that 100%.

Speaker 2 15:43

Yeah, that's, that's so that's what.

Speaker 1 15:44

I'm saying yeah, I think that's, that's 100%. I mean, that's the whole reason, you know.

Speaker 2 15:50

I think that like imposter syndrome, or is it shaking off of?

Speaker 1 15:53

oppression, shaking off of oppression yeah, I think that's really what it is, you know, and that's where I was on a rant the other day about this on a live, and I was saying that, you know, I finally realized like, yeah, I do life coaching, I do all of these things, but my goal is to be that voice, you know, that voice for my people, or that voice for Black, brown, whatever indigenous people of color, to see somebody else out there in the spiritual field leading it, versus the white person that's leading it right now. You know, and it's like you don't see it and everybody's like you're right, there is nobody out there and I'm like, yeah, there's no one out there Because I'm not, I'm not soluble. I'm not soluble.

Speaker 1 16:34

You know the chick with the tattoos and the and the. You know I'm going to cuss the hell out of shit, like I'm not soluble. I'm not, you know, wearing the big crystal on my forehead or having the, you know the huge crown on. I'm not, you know, openly speaking my language all the time, or I'm not soluble, and that's. I think that's one of the hardest things that I'm always like I don't think it's yeah, I don't know, but the right people will be there. I know that I think we're moving into a different stage.

Speaker 2 17:09

Absolutely, I mean. That's why I think my memoir was a tougher sell at first to get to get repped, because it wasn't a story that necessarily everybody was interested in hearing about, like hearing about people who are incarcerated, like doing meditation. Like you know, if most people want to, don't want to think about that.

Speaker 1 17:29

I think that's the beauty, though I'm really interested in 2024 because I think a lot of us are moving into like we're becoming more realistic. People don't want the BS. People want it real. They want it raw. They don't. They don't want that BS part of like you know, don't give me the crap anymore. I want to know what's works, what doesn't work, and I want to know how to do it versus let's make it a fairy tale and make it you know, all the gimmicky and pretty and all that stuff and I don't think people like that anymore.

Speaker 2 17:57

No, I think people are interested in seeing things clearly for what they really are, rather than what they want them to be.

Speaker 1 18:07

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, because then they can actually make a change and things can actually make a difference. Right, right, it's always been like we're gonna teach you a little bit, but we're not gonna teach you everything.

Speaker 2 18:19

Not gonna teach you enough, because we still want you to come back and buy our other stuff.

Speaker 1 18:23

That's exactly what I'm saying. That's exactly what I'm saying you need another Yoni ball.

Speaker 2 18:31

Never try to.

Speaker 1 18:31

Yoni ball.

Speaker 2 18:32

Yeah, um, you know what I mean, I know.

Speaker 1 18:36

I'm like, no, I'm like I've always thought about this and no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Yoni balls. But you know what I'm talking about. I do, I do.

Speaker 2 18:43

This is this whole idea of sort of giving people crumbs so they keep trying to come back for more Exactly, Rather than saying like no, let's just really talk about it so you can step into your own power and you don't need a teacher anymore. That's the beauty of it.

Speaker 1 19:00

That's what we all teach.

Speaker 2 19:01

We all teach each other because we're all in community together, and that's what this is all about.

Speaker 1 19:06

Yeah, yeah. It's a false sense of control. I'm going to give you enough, that I'm going to give you everything, and it's like no, that's not the way. I don't believe that's the way spirituality works. I think that's why I always say, like you know, I think spirituality is a sense of like you coming into yourself, you finding what works for you and you navigating it, and it's not going to look like I said, it's not going to look the same for me as it looks for you, and I think collective care is very sexy.

Speaker 2 19:30

To be honest with you, I think this idea of being in community and sharing resources and talking about you know what's really going on. I don't think there's anything sexier than talking about revolution and how to dismantle this shit.

Speaker 1 19:47

I need one of you in my life.

Speaker 2 19:48

No, I'm saying like it's hot, like, really like, let's talk about it. I mean, it's amazing to be able to talk about that and to do it from a place of, like joyful revolution, right, like Alice Walker said, at hard times require furious dancing, and that it doesn't have to be all doom and gloom when we're talking about it. And yeah, we can grieve and cry and be mad because we should, and we should be having sex and orgasms and enjoying life because both are necessary, right? Yes, both are definitely necessary Definitely necessary.

Love Languages and Perspectives on Attraction

Speaker 1 20:26

You know it's funny, you say it like this and I had this. This is just random. The other day I was talking to, I'm gonna say, my friend I don't know what to call them. I was talking to my friend and we were talking. I was asking about love languages, like what's your love language, right? And their response was acts of service. And I was like, oh, like in my head I was like well, that sucks, because I'm all the way over here, I can't do that. But their response was it's not the acts of service for me, it's the acts of service for self. It's the acts of service that if you say you're gonna do something and you say you're gonna like okay, he didn't use this as an example, but I'm saying it you know, like I'm gonna plan a donation drive, right, and then you go out and you actually do what you're saying you're gonna do fucking hot.

Speaker 2 21:19

I 100% and I was like I love that.

Speaker 1 21:24

Oh my God, do you see what I'm having issues right now?

Speaker 2 21:29

I was like oh no, I really like that. People doing what they say they're gonna do is hot, people taking care of themselves, and each other is hot Like it is. It's very, you know, it is sexy To sort of. You know, allow yourself to step into your own brilliance. How I mean, that's incredible. Yeah, we don't celebrate it enough. And the fact that you're dating somebody who thinks that's hot, that is hot.

Speaker 1 22:01

No, it is. I was like, oh my God, I was just like taking back. I was like I've never thought of it like that. That is okay. Okay, that's cool, that's cool.

Speaker 2 22:12

Yeah, would you add other love languages, cause I feel like there's more than just the five love languages out there. I feel like that's what you need to do you need to come up with black, brown, indigenous love languages that are outside of this Right chat Michael's cute he is.

Speaker 1 22:30

Her dog is in the background and it's the cutest dog.

Speaker 1 22:32

And a turtleneck and a turtleneck. A pit bull and a turtleneck doesn't get much cuter than that. Mine's like banging it out. Yeah, there would be other love languages, I think you know. I think one of the biggest things for me when I think of that like what I find fucking sexy as hell oh my God, this is, I guess, in the line, like my eyes are actually getting watery. That means like I'm like excited about it Is drive. And I'm not talking about sex drive, I'm talking about your drive and life. That's right. You are driving for something. You are like you're hustling but you're achieving it. Oh my God, that's hot. I literally send him a message saying I just want you to know that your hustle and your drive is so freaking attractive. Yeah, like I was, like that is hot. I don't know if that's a love language, but I think no, but I think you know I think this is actually something I say.

Speaker 2 23:31

we talk about in season two is reframing the love languages through our lens. The same love languages, but like looking at them differently, just like that, as acts of service, as being an act of service to yourself.

Speaker 1 23:50

I think, like you said earlier, like I think revolution is a big, is a hot, like I think, in the sense that you are gonna actually, you know, stand up for whatever it is black, brown, identity Like you are revolutionist. I think that's you know, it's like okay, you know, I don't know, I don't know. That's one of those things that I yeah.

Speaker 2 24:14

Closing. You know, like I don't know, what a reframing of physical touch would be.

Speaker 1 24:22

I don't know. Open, I don't know. Yeah, I think like the physical touch. Maybe I'm correct me if I'm wrong on this. That's what he said Like so do you know what mine are? And goes physical touch is definitely one of yours and I'm like absolutely. But here's one of the things that I was gonna say. I think that the love language of physical touch that we read it is so like maybe it's because the person that actually wrote the love language books was a Christian. I don't know if you know that.

Speaker 2 24:49

Yeah, yeah, that's what I mean. Yeah, I feel like they do need like a they're very like watered A reframing.

Speaker 1 24:55

Where I'm like you wanna give. I'm gonna talk to you about my physical touch.

Speaker 2 25:00

Okay, we talk yeah, it's physical touch, Like you know, talking about consent and BDSM and talk to them.

Speaker 1 25:07

Yeah, you gotta throw me over this large table.

Self-Love, Manifestation, and Authenticity

Speaker 2 25:09

Like all of that kind of stuff goes under. You know, like that reframing of physical touches is like that, like I think we always talk about it in sort of like these dainty sort of generic ways that are sort of like you know what's the word that a whitewash is the one in, and I don't literally mean white, but that's just, yeah, generic.

Speaker 1 25:36

Or vanilla vanilla is the word that I'm looking for, yeah that's a good way and that's the what I was thinking too when I was trying to say it without saying it. But like the physical touches, exactly, it's very vanilla and whereas, like, if you guys, I don't care, I don't care who fucking listens, if you know how I really get down, it's like I don't care, you flip me, dip me.

Speaker 2 25:58

I'm, I'm here, I'm showing up, yep, I'm showing up, you know and and if you can articulate that right somebody who can articulate who they are because they know who they are and can talk about the things that they want like that's incredibly important. And I think all of that lends itself to you know, this dismantling and this revolution and this collective care that we're talking about, like it's all about really knowing who you are and knowing what you want and knowing how you're going to get there and being able to hold space for the people in your world to be able to do that too.

Speaker 1 26:37

And that's that's that's the biggest key. There is that I don't think that I'm interested. I'm actually getting a reading right now, as I'm saying this because, you know, a lot of people were like read 2024 and I'm like I can get like dips and glimpses. I think the false, the false teachers or the people that aren't doing the work, aren't going to show up anymore. They just can't.

Speaker 1 26:59

That's what I'm picking up on right now. They can't, and so it's like, unless you really are living the game and you're really doing the work, then yeah, that's it, and I really feel that, coming into 2024, it's like okay, who's still here? Because those people that are going to be remaining or successful or growing are the people that are actively. This is my real, this is who I am, this is me on an everyday life, like when you guys here, I think, between me and Onika talking is me and Onika offscreen too, like off that's even the idea that when we started working, just the two of us together, that these were really just conversations that we would be having if no one else was listening yeah, but knowing yourself, knowing yourself, raleigh, you know like raw, like knowing that part of you is so important in order to show up and hold that space for other people, or else you just can't.

Speaker 1 27:50

You can't, you know, I don't know, I spirits still calls me out on my shit, like I still get called out where I'm like okay, all the time.

Speaker 2 27:58

There is a teacher who I have a lot of respect for. He had posted on his stories like why do you, why do you have a spiritual practice? That was one of the questions. And I wrote so I'm not an asshole. And he, he messaged me and he was like I think that's the best answer I've ever read and I'm like it's true, though, like I really do practice.

Speaker 2 28:20

So I'm not an asshole, because for so long I was so blocked from my own heart, and being blocked from my own heart made me mean, because I didn't know. I didn't know how to to act, because I was so far away from myself and my practice cracked my heart open so I could fall in love with myself and I could show up authentically. So that's why I continue to practice, so I don't go back to that place and I and I recognize that and I think that's important, you know, I think it's important to say like I'm not going to give you some bullshit answer like oh it's, you know, I used to be a dick and I don't want to be a dick anymore.

Speaker 1 28:57

I don't yeah, no, I like that. I always talk about, I'm like okay, when we block our hearts because of whatever occurs to us in life, it's not just you blocking others out, but it's you blocking yourself out as well. And that's the most important part and that's why it's like I'm always talking to people about like be safe, you know, coming back in yourself, telling yourself I have permission to come back in. I allow myself to feel safe in my body, I allow myself these things and so coming into that part of it it's so interesting, it's super intriguing.

Speaker 1 29:31

I'm just like I. It's weird because, like, as I'm talking to you, I can actually see the energy of like how we embody and don't embody certain things. Like I'm looking at how, like we live in such a way that most of us, throughout the years, haven't just embodied ourselves, we haven't come into ourselves, and then how we now moving into a different of embodiment of like this is truly embodying energetically myself on all like levels and sort of going back to love languages and like physical touch and your practice and sexuality.

Speaker 2 30:01

It's like learning how to touch yourself intimately and you know whether it's masturbation or whether it's just sort of like being able to say to yourself you're, you're okay, you're okay, right.

Speaker 2 30:16

I don't care, I'm gonna straight out say it everyone needs to masturbate well, no, I mean yes, absolutely, you know, keeps the, I think, the drama away. But, like, I think it's also this idea that there are different ways that we learned how to touch ourselves. But if we don't practice right, if we don't have this place that we start from where we know, sometimes the touch that I need is like like a warm hug of an embrace that I didn't get from, maybe growing up to. You know, sexual touch that feels safe and friendly, because that was something that I didn't get or I'm learning how to foster that. All of that, I think, should be a part of the spiritual practice and and we have to be able to talk about it without it, like you know, people be like, oh no, you can't say that.

Speaker 1 31:07

I mean, why can't I talk about masturbation and spirituality at the same time, because hand in hand, there's so many people that manifest through orgasm.

Speaker 2 31:19

Do you know how many times I've had orgasm and I've manifested at the same time, like all the time, all the time, all the time. And you know, I used to do it on my own. And then I actually read that that's a thing and I was like, well, god damn, amika, you are just really clever. Yeah, I didn't know it was a thing. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 31:40

What was it? God, I hope they don't listen to this podcast, because it's true you do manifest when you're whatever you're thinking about or whatever you're focusing on during the course, you know, okay, rewinding a little bit before I go forward into the manifestation part. I was on this podcast and it was. It was not what I thought it was going to be. It was about talking about sex. It was like mom's talking about sex and so I was really intrigued and kind of like excited to kind of talk about it. But the person that was interviewing me had wanted me to talk about my marriage and I was like that was not. That was like horrible sex. Marriage, like sex, was horrible. It was sexless by the end of it. You know, there was, there was just not. And she was like well, how did you come into your own? How did you come into your own Like, how did you find sex or things. And I don't think she guided the conversation correctly, but the answer was I, freaking, learned how to love myself, and I meet that both by I worked out, I did self care, but I also fucking loved myself, right, like I learned how to pleasure myself in ways that I was like this is me coming into myself because I can't do it over here, like I'm not getting what I need. So it's like I always tell people look, we often time are looking at our partners or other people to give us what we are lacking within ourselves. Whether consciously or subconsciously, you're constantly being like I need this, I need this, right, just listen to the words that you're saying, like what you need from the person, when in reality, what you were seeking in the other person is what you need to be seeking in yourself and giving yourself. And when you find that balance, oh my God, game fucking changer. Yes, right. And so somebody, even in a live, was like how do we, how do we go from not needing somebody? And I'm like by not putting that on them and giving yourself what you need, right, so if I'm feeling anxious or loveless or whatever it is, I need to give that to myself. If I'm not feeling sexy, I'm going to feeling fucking hot, sexy for myself, right, exactly, there's reasons why, like for me, I'm like I'll buy fucking matching lingerie, not for them, yeah, not for them, for me, and it's just about showing up for yourself in a way that's like so that's, that's one. But that podcast was horrible. It was horrible podcast. She wasn't hitting it right. I said no pun intended, no pun intended. I thought that when I said it right now, I was like she wasn't hitting it right. She wasn't hitting it right and I was like okay, so anyways, I had to teach myself how to hit it right. But yeah, that's kind of you know what it is.

Speaker 1 34:33

But the manifestation part of sex is so real. I was talking to somebody recently about that and just being powerful and knowing yourself and it's like the thoughts that go in your head while you're having sex. You know it's real, it's what you manifest, it's what you create in that moment. I'm trying not to say so much and I'm laughing in my head right now. It was like, yeah, like my person, right, it's always like what are you thinking?

Speaker 1 35:05

Like in the moment, I'm like why are you asking me? Why are you asking me what? Just like, don't ask me what I'm thinking. I think when he asked that the other day, I was like that I'm thankful that I'm flexible, but I think there was a moment, too that he looked at me and he goes I fucking love when you look at me like that, and I think it was a moment I was like manifesting in my head. It was a moment that he caught my eyes manifesting and he was like I love when you look at me like that and I was like, oh, like I don't know what I'm looking at you, but it was a moment that, a manifestation and I say that because I very much manifest during that time. So, yeah, yeah, watch out.

Speaker 2 35:53

Yeah, it's powerful, it's really powerful.

Speaker 1 35:58

There's a I have a friend of mine well, she's not a friend anymore, but she's in Quayton's and I think her and her partner manifest. They, they're very well aware of each other's manifestations during that course of time. So then they're, they're increasing the energy, wow. So they're very much aware that they're coming together to manifest whatever it is. So I don't know. I mean well.

Speaker 2 36:24

I wonder what that would be like. Well, you hear, I mean couples having sex right and a baby's born. And you know, you know, like you, you know at that moment what's going on too.

Speaker 2 36:36

And the key to about violence now is to be cage controlled in such a way that people respect their pet dogà. That's so interesting. What you know when people conceive and there's a moment that everybody knows that, it's that you've got pregnant right at that moment. Oh, I know, Do you know what I mean? Because you've both. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.

Speaker 1 36:56

Yeah, I know what you mean. I tell people that sometimes, when I read them, I'm like you're going to know, like as soon as you get pregnant, you'll know you're pregnant. Hmm, okay, let's switch the subject off that. Let's move on. What were you saying? We had sexuality, spirituality and self, but it's all goes hand in hand. I don't know where else to go.

Speaker 2 37:24

It does. No, I think this feels good. I feel I think that feels like a good place to stop.

Speaker 1 37:29

That's it. That was our conversation. Do we have more to say? No, I think. I think we don't have any more to say. I think our conversation was just about we talked about more sex than I thought we were going to talk about, but we did talk a lot about sex. What do you say?

Speaker 2 37:46

really no, I know that doesn't surprise me, though.

Speaker 1 37:49

Oh, that were, yeah, I don't know both freaks probably. Yeah, do you really?

Speaker 2 37:54

thought any different. No.

Speaker 1 38:02

And those of us who know me and who know you? Actually are like. Yeah, I mean, I know I have oh my God, I got to share off stuff off this, but I think the important part, though, is for people to understand, like, just to, like you said, breaking away from the barriers of like what people are telling you things are, and allowing yourself to just feel safe. I think it's feeling safe in your exploration.

Embrace Yourself and Your Sexuality

Speaker 2 38:25

Yeah, it's you understanding that you're the safe space and going out of place a pace that is safe for yourself, like if even using masturbation as an example, if even the word masturbation freaks you out and that is not something that you've done or you can explore, then take it a little bit out of time. Read a sexy story first to start right. Like, do it, see it sexy?

Speaker 1 38:52

Yeah, larotica is amazing, guys, larotica is amazing.

Speaker 2 38:57

Like you know, do it in a way that you feel like you're dipping your toe in a little bit out of time, and I think that goes with. You know embracing your whole self and your sexuality. Go at a pace that feels right for you. You don't have to do it the way that other people did it, but do it in a way that's authentic and only you know when you're lying to yourself.

Speaker 1 39:17

And I think the biggest thing in people like always, like how do you love myself, right? Like? People have body images or people look at themselves in a way, and I think the thing is is like you have to learn how to. How do you guys want to word that most guys Letting your body feel sexy, like letting me feel sexy regardless of who's with me, right, like? Like I, I feel sexy no matter who's with me. I don't know if that makes sense. It's like I. I don't know how to explain that other than just allowing yourself to feel like I feel sexy no matter what. I don't need that affirmation from somebody else.

Speaker 1 39:52

You know it's like if I want to take. That's why, if you, if you guys have followed my journey, people will see. Like you know, if I take sexy photos, it's not because I'm taking sexy photos for the validation of others. I'm taking sexy photos for the validation of me, because it makes me feel like a woman. It makes me feel what I need in that moment Right. If I buy matcha lingerie, I buy matcha lingerie to make me feel in that moment, yeah, yeah, do it for yourself. I guess I like it.

Speaker 2 40:22

All right, that's it. So we will see you next season. Next season, you and I in 24. It's not that far, it's only six weeks away. Okay, that's so close. Have a. Have the new year that you're supposed to have everyone. Yes, have lots of love, lots of love, yeah.

Speaker 1 40:44

All right, bye, love you all.