Are we late bloomers? Why the status quo is wrong

Join hosts Kelly Groehler and Diana O'Gilvie as they talk about their experiences in life feeling like the late bloomers defining societal norms and playing catch up. They explore the concept of success and happiness, what it means to live the experiences they longed for in this season of life. They discuss the immense courage and determination required to break free from societal expectations for women, emphasizing the importance of challenging the status quo and carving unique paths.

If you're seeking inspiration and encouragement to challenge societal norms, redefine success on your terms, and embrace personal growth in your own journey, this episode is a must-listen. Join Kelly and Diana as they uncover the triumphs and lessons of late bloomers, proving that it's never too late to pursue your dreams and find fulfillment beyond societal expectations.

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Transcript

Kelly Groehler: 0:06

Hello and welcome to things that make you go WTF. A podcast that brings you the unvarnished banter behind the scenes of our YouTube series women travel, art and food. I'm Telugu trailer CEO of fine art licensing agency Ellis riot and co host of WTF. Join me, Diana Ogilvie and our guests each week for straight talk of how we manage our careers, entrepreneurial endeavors and personal lives as we seek out exceptional food and art experiences around the world. Is it worth the effort? fuck around and find out. Hello, Dee.

Diana O'Gilvie: 0:36

Hello, Kelly.

Kelly Groehler: 0:38

So tell us how you're feeling right now and why we are asking about how you're feeling.

Diana O'Gilvie: 0:43

I'm feeling fine. I in preparation for my trip to Ghana, I have to get a vaccine for yellow fever. And yeah, I'm fine. It was just just a little prick. And then the next course I have to do of medication is to start malaria medication about 10 days out before my trip.

Kelly Groehler: 1:16

Is that just an oral medication? Or is that more shots?

Diana O'Gilvie: 1:19

No it's oral, I'm done with injections. There's definitely oral and I believe I have to take it while I am there as well. I have to. Yeah, I think that I have to find out if I have to take Malaria pills whilst I'm there.

Kelly Groehler: 1:38

So are you uh, are you someone who dislikes needles?

Diana O'Gilvie: 1:41

Ab so fucking lutely. I can't stand it. I remember, and this is me as a grown ass woman when I had to take a series of shots and the doctor would be like nevermind darling, nevermind. Like she would just rub my shoulders. I never mind. I was like I hate shots!

Kelly Groehler: 2:03

Yeah, yeah, and donating blood has never been a big priority for you?

Diana O'Gilvie: 2:10

No, no, no.

Kelly Groehler: 2:13

I used to donate platelets. And that was that is a more involved process, where it usually involves two needles, or it can involve one needle port. But essentially what they do is they take your blood out of you and run it through a machine and remove the platelets and then put the blood back in you. And it takes like two hours. I used to do it all the time because I've got like super sticky blood, like huge platelet count. I was just telling someone last week that I should really go back to doing that. I haven't done it as frequently as I used to in my 30s. So yeah, needles have never really bothered me and I know people who will just like flat pass out.

Diana O'Gilvie: 3:04

I would avert my gaze or close my eyes. Don't give me a 123 count. Don't prepare me. I just go in close my eyes. You do what you do. And then I pass out and then I leave. Yeah. In that order.

Kelly Groehler: 3:18

Sheesh. How long were you passed out for?

Diana O'Gilvie: 3:22

Probably like five hours?

Kelly Groehler: 3:32

Got it. Got it. Yeah, you know, my brother is a type 1 diabetic. And so from the time I was super little, I was around needles all the time because I would watch him give his injections every day. And then if he had a diabetic reaction, we would have to do the injection for him to get his blood sugar levels leveled out. So I've given them, I've taken them. And then tattoos, you know?

Diana O'Gilvie: 4:04

Yeah. And that's thing, I have tats.

Kelly Groehler: 4:08

Well, you're talking about getting tats when you're over in Ghana?

Diana O'Gilvie: 4:12

Yeah, I'm gonna get a couple Adinkra tattoos because that's where the symbols originates. So you know, the popular one that people know is Sankofa which is the bird that is looking back. But I have a couple on my wrist. One means strength, one means connection. And when I go back, I'm definitely going to get the Sankofa and a couple others I'm going to do a mini sleeve going from my wrist to my elbow.

Kelly Groehler: 4:40

Nice.

Diana O'Gilvie: 4:42

Nice, needles for art is totally fine.

Kelly Groehler: 4:45

Needles for art is acceptable. And in this artwork, I mean, so you know that I've got my mermaid on my lower right arm. And that was a long time coming. And I'm so glad I have her now. And that was working with the tattoo artist and giving her all of my ideas. And, you know, pictures of different types of tattoos, the styles that I liked, and then having a conversation with her about the legend of the mermaid and talking about its significance to me. And it's absolutely beautiful. So you're going to be getting new ink when you're in Ghana, in late August, early September. I'm getting new ink in early September. And it's actually tied back to our trip in Jamaica. Remember when we were on the beach, the day after we were done filming? We're at sugarpot then the crab (showed up) The dog that came up and gave me a hug? And then the bee floating in the water? So I'm gonna get those three. And I told the artist that. And quick shout out for Lucky Cat Tattoo Collective in Minneapolis. That's where I get my work done. And Heather is my artist and she does just incredible fine line work. And so I'm sure she and I'll have a conversation about that experience and the significance of them. But I want to see how she will work with it. Possibly integrating with the mermaid. Given they're all tied to an ocean experience. Or she might just be like, "You know what, I think you should just have them as three separate pieces." I don't know, I like that excitement.

Diana O'Gilvie: 6:33

Yeah, just give her the liberty to do so. Of course.

Kelly Groehler: 6:38

It's like it's a commission. It's a commission of a one of a kind art piece. It just happens to be the canvas as my sleeve. And so I love it. I'm so excited. Are you going to be like down for the count all weekend after the shot, or are you going to be okay?

Diana O'Gilvie: 6:56

I'll be fine. I'll be okay. I mean, they listed out some side effects. But I'm cool. I'm cool. I'm just, it's just been gloomy weather in Georgia all week. And I feel like, I'm just really anxious to see some sun. I feel like I'm in London or I'm in Seattle, Portland. This is the kind of weather that's been happening this week. So I guess my mood is matching outside.

Kelly Groehler: 7:27

Well, it's sunny and hot down in Minneapolis. In the 90s. All week. It's blasting hot down there. Unusual though. For this time of year. Remember how I said Memorial Day weekend up here was like July 4? Yeah, cuz I'm three hours north up at the lake. And it was mid 80s. Hot, sunny, and we all loved it. But then we're also like, wait a minute. That's not right. Yeah, that's not what Memorial Day weekend is supposed to be like late May in northern Minnesota. And now, June is usually my favorite month of the year for living in the state. And then October is a close second with with the color changes in the autumn. Yes, but this particular June is dry. It's parched. It's like late August. It's not Lush. Usually, you know, everything unfurls in the trees. Everything's glossy green and it's lush. And it's juicy. Usually, I guess is the way I would describe it. Yeah, this is not a juicy June here at all. But we are like three hours north of Minneapolis right now. And it is 20 degrees cooler up here than it is down there. Juicy June.

Diana O'Gilvie: 8:39

That could be the name of a new strip club. Yeah.

Kelly Groehler: 8:49

But so this is gonna be the final continent. You've hit the other continents, right?

Diana O'Gilvie: 8:54

Yes.

Kelly Groehler: 8:56

Have you heard of Antarctica?

Diana O'Gilvie: 8:58

Is that a continent?

Kelly Groehler: 9:00

Yes, it is. There are seven continents and Antarctica is one of them.

Diana O'Gilvie: 9:05

Then no. I haven't thought of Antarctica because like, do we need it?

Kelly Groehler: 9:11

Kind of ice caps are important on the on the poles

Diana O'Gilvie: 9:16

Yeah. So no, no, no, this would be my sixth continent.

Kelly Groehler: 9:23

That's so exciting. That's just so great. And you're gonna be in Ghana, but you're not hitting any of the other countries when you're there.

Diana O'Gilvie: 9:33

No, no, just I'm just concentrating on Accra and surrounding areas like there's Cape Coast with a door of no return and then go to Kumasi where they are known for making palm wine And Kente cloth. And interestingly enough they speak a language there. No, there's a town there called Chromantie. Which is spoken in Jamaica.

Kelly Groehler: 10:06

What a great tie in.

Diana O'Gilvie: 10:07

Yeah, that's incredible. So I'm definitely going to see what that's about, man.

Kelly Groehler: 10:13

Oh, that's just gonna be so great. Well, and yeah, I'm like, Oh man, she had some other countries while you're there and less we all forget Africa is the equivalent of three other continents in terms of its size. Like, it's not easy just to go next door, you're talking about like a massive trip to go from one country to the next.

Diana O'Gilvie: 10:33

Yeah, and, you know, unfortunately, air carriage is not what it is even if it's, you know, an extensive overland journey. An air airplane could be a happiness, skipping a jump, it's just the air carriage there isn't what I would love for it to be, you know, like, Oh, let me just take this quick trip up to Egypt since I'm there, you know, because that's on my bucket list as well, or, you know, fly down to Johannesburg or over to Ethiopia, their carriages and it's not where it's supposed to be. And I envisioned that to be something that that is addressed. And it's the same for the Caribbean because when I moved back to Jamaica this last time, I was so excited, because I was like, Yeah, I can go back to Trinidad. I can go to Barbados, I can go to St. Lucia. But everything is routed through flippin Miami. Like everything. Why do I have to go to America to come back into the Caribbean? Come on?

Kelly Groehler: 11:32

Because it's all about us, don't, you know?

Diana O'Gilvie: 11:36

Yeah, because I was spoiled in Asia, you know, because I would just shoot Air Asia was my mode of preferred way of traveling. And it would be like, you know, if I wanted to go to Singapore, that's a three hour ride. If I wanted to go to Kuala Lumpur, that was about four and a half hours, you know, so it was I was spoiled. I was like, Oh, let me go to this country. Okay. It's on Air Asia, let's let me just go, you know, and for cheap, too, you know, I never spent more than $500 for airfare around Asia. Southeast Asia.

Kelly Groehler: 12:16

Sorry, remind us. It's interesting, because a couple of conversations ago, you did refer to yourself as a late bloomer? Let's talk about what that means to you. Because I think for me, it means something very different. And I would, I would surmise that it's different for each person, in terms of what does it mean to be a late bloomer? Because I have such a hard time looking at you and saying, Oh, she's a late bloomer. Travel? Yeah, you've kind of lived all over the place, literally. So what does that mean to you?

Diana O'Gilvie: 12:56

I think for me, it's really I don't know, it's bullshit. Let me just preface this by saying it's rooted in, in in numbers, you know, I didn't start traveling the world and doing all these things until my mid 30s. You know, and that's the age where people, you know, come back and settle down and, you know, start families and whatnot. So, for me, like, the guy spent a better part of my 20s and half of my 30s just, you know, being the dutiful daughter, the dutiful Aunt, you know, not living the life how I wanted to. Um, and I feel like now I'm playing catch up. Because when I look at people I went to college with and, you know, people who I have, you know, who are my peers, you know, they're editors of magazines, and they're doing this and they have, you know, six figure jobs and they're doing so great. You know, meanwhile, I have this absolutely. wealth of experience, but I still feel like I'm playing catch up.

Kelly Groehler: 14:05

That is really an interesting take. Because I mean, what I hear you say, is grounded in social constructs and norms and expectations, especially for women. Okay, in terms of what success means, and we're, you know, we're you and I are both members of that generation, that is the transitional generation, I think, when it comes to women and expectations. You know, I think, you know, obviously, I can think of boomers who are, have had wildly successful careers and life on their terms, and I was just down in North Carolina last weekend visiting my aunt and uncle. This is my dad's older sister, who's in her 80s and was one of the first five women working for Mary Kay Ash. Mary Kay, the cosmetics brand here in the US, which has been what it was wildly successful. I think that it has been eclipsed by much of what has been happening over the past 10 years around social commerce and branding and whatnot, but it's still has a very loyal, profitable business model. She has essentially the Cadillac version of a Corvette. She's in her 80s. And she drives this thing. It's gorgeous. Let's go. Yeah, but, you know, I read on Tyrion was an exception to the norm, if you will. And I think we're, we're now in this, this place, and this generation of, okay, we actually can do things differently. I still see plenty of women around that you and I both know, and women I know, in my life who have that? Well, I'm in my 50s. Now mindset, and you know, I, you know, I, it's, I can't do that. But it's, it's great to see those people who are blooming and going, Wait a minute, I've always wanted to do this. Let's, it's time to do it now. And but it's really interesting to how you can look at someone else and say, Oh, you're not a late bloomer. You've been doing this for 10 years, Diana, you've lived in Bali, you have been on multiple continents, you've been on five continents already. You know, and you know, it and so I think it's in the eye of the beholder sometimes as well. Oh, for sure. But then what what are the narratives we tell ourselves in terms of AI? Oh, you know, I should be at this spot. And you know, that those golden handcuffs? Well, someone else has that. That executive level job and the, and the the big salary and those things and, you know, certainly from an American standpoint, those are the things we're taught in terms of those are the measures of success, you know, but how happy are they doing those things as well?

Diana O'Gilvie: 17:01

I don't know but I don't mind finding out.

Kelly Groehler: 17:11

I don't want to go back into corporate though.

Diana O'Gilvie: 17:15

it's you know, like when I'm tapping into that vibration, it's definitely that reentry into America, like in my 40s It's fucking hard to sure it's hard, you know, because, like, I would have come back, you know, if this were if we were a time traveling, you know, go travel the world in my 20s. Come back, get a job at Starbucks, you know, hustle, hustle, hustle, and then make my way back in. But now in my 40s It's like, geez, Louise. Yeah. It's hard. Like doing jobs that's like physically demanding on my body. Yeah, it's, yeah, that's, the vibration, like woof.

Kelly Groehler: 18:05

But you're also listening to the call?

Diana O'Gilvie: 18:10

And I'm deliberate about that, too, though. I'm deliberate about listening to the call.

Kelly Groehler: 18:14

This is true. And how many? How many listen to the call, and how many? How many hear the call, perhaps. And decide to postpone for a while? Do they remember the call? Do they hear it again? Later on? I'll give you I'll give you an example. So you know, I, I was married in my 20s got divorced at 29. Thank God didn't have any kids. And was like, free and clear, right? I felt like now I can. I didn't feel like a late bloomer. I felt like I just got in and time and now I'm gonna go and do these things. I'm gonna have this rock and corporate career and I'm gonna travel and do the things I want to do. And then love and life got in the way. And, you know, when when Ollie and I started dating, and then Jack comes along, and we end up getting married and all the things. I remember saying to ollie at the time, when our kids an adult, you know, we're gonna be in our late 40s. By the time he turns 18, I expect us to go back to dating. I expect us to pick up where we left off. And it's hard because life gets in the way. And you are a different person 20 years later, and you have different experiences, and I wouldn't change anything from the past 20 years in terms of my relationship with him and our son and our family. I'm very though intentional with him and saying, This is now what I expect. This is now what I am going to go and do. I am still my own independent visual person. This is my life. And yes, we have a shared life as well. And I am and I realized we need The more Ollie's in the world because he's the guy who's like, go, oh my god, this is great. Keep going. Yeah. And then I'm like, Where the fuck is your passport? it updated? You know? Don't ever text me again when I'm in Jamaica saying "god, I really wish I was there with you." Really? Well, there's a solution to that. It's called the passport. Yes, get on it. But um, I mean, you know, when you call yourself a late bloomer, I was sitting there going, she's not with us, you have like, checked off so many things that have been on my list that I haven't done yet. Or plate, you've been to places that I haven't been nor seen and want to see them and experience them. And so, you know, it's it's funny, because it's not a race. There's, you know, there's no prize, you know? Yeah, I was the first one to do.

Diana O'Gilvie: 20:49

That's the part that I have to wrap my head around, for sure. Yeah, it's not a race. That's why I said, bullshit. And it's all tied into this timing thing. You know, you should and it's one big should you should be this at a certain age, you should have that at a certain age.

Kelly Groehler: 21:07

I throw away that AARP card every time it comes in the mail and like, Fuck you not ready for that yet? I'm not going there yet. Don't tell me that I am now in a category. And I have to conform to Blue Plate specials and discounts on everything. I get it discounts are great. But please, you know, I mean, driving past in the Twin Cities, I went past this place. And it's a it's, it's it's a senior community. And on the building, it says 55 Plus.

Diana O'Gilvie: 21:42

Oh, yeah, I see.

Kelly Groehler: 21:43

Me? No way. No. Oh, fuck that. No,

Diana O'Gilvie: 21:47

It goes to like, what do you call it? Active Senior Living 55 Plus, like, wow, wow. No, you know, it's so funny. My, my best but also in there as my best friend JC. I've known her since we were 12 years old in Jamaica. And she liked me. She's lived all over. And she returned to America, I would say maybe three, three, maybe four years ago. All right. And she's just after living in Europe for so long. She was just so taken aback by the Age culture that is here, where she said, you know, in her 40s. In Europe, she's still seen as a young woman. She comes over here. And there's just this pressure for wrinkle creams. She's getting wrinkle cream, stuff in the mail. You know, of course, when she's watching TV is just so young. And I see that too. When I watch British TV as opposed to American TV. The actresses are older, they embrace the fine lines on their faces. There is no Botox is there's just this amped up youth culture that's here. And she said it, it really threw her for a big loop when she came back because she's like, 40s, you know, mom of two. And she's not seen as, as a young woman here in your 40s. You're you're over the hill now, you know, the tipping point.

Kelly Groehler: 23:16

It's, it's it's certainly part of American culture, for sure, especially for women. Interestingly, I'm seeing it increasingly for men, but not at the at the pressure point that it is for women. And I can think off the top of my head of five different women I know who are in their 30s who are so far down the path with Botox. We're getting to a point where I don't recognize them. And I'm pleased No, I have I've said this before, and I'll say it again, do you if that is what's going to make you feel good about yourself? I want you to do that. And the last thing I want to do is judge you or hold you to my standard because that is exactly what gets in the way of women having independence and freedom. Exactly. So do you do your thing? At the same time? What is prompting all of that? And what is what is prompting you to think that you have to start those injections in your early 30s. Yeah, and you can you know, I mean, there was one individual that was looking at, like, Instagram posts that she did five years ago compared to you know, this spring, and she looks like two different people. It's it just it's that drastic. Oh, and I'm like okay, I guess but I'm not I'm not buying into it. I fucking refuse to buy into this narrative. Yeah, I am 52 years old. I am not. I'm not I'm not subscribing to anything that society has said I should be at this age. Nope. If I want more ink, I'm gonna go get it. I want to if I want to launch another LLC, I'm gonna do it. If I want to do this type of work instead of going back into corporate that's what I'm going to do. If I if I am fucking tired on a Wednesday and I just want to sit and binge watch a Queen Charlotte episodes. I'm gonna do it. Hello Shondaland I love those. Yes, you know, but I think that it's it's about okay, well, what are you waiting for? Go do it now. Yeah, and it's interesting to watch what that bloom looks like with the the, quote Late Bloomers or, you know, certainly women who are starting to, you know, go in a different direction, I'd be curious to hear about some of your friends and what you're observing. I have I would say in the past eight years, I have had no fewer than 15 women in my life, who have either gone in radically different directions, have flat out, said I'm done. I'm fed up and went for the divorce. And, and took that change. i There's even one were entirely prompted only by the fact that she had never lived independently. She went from childhood with parents, to college with roommates, to moving in with the boyfriend, got married, had kids, etc. found herself at about 50 years old and said I've never lived alone. Wow. And it's not it's not necessarily about you know, wanting a divorce or something like that. It's I want the experience of being on my own.

Diana O'Gilvie: 26:18

Yeah. Like Who are you without people?

Kelly Groehler: 26:22

Well, yeah, and and, and how society will look at that and go, Why are you doing that? That's so, so wrong and shut up. What do you say? Drink your water and mind your business in Guada and my new business I have been using that quote all week. Drag it up here at the lake. I'm here with my friend Maria. I think she's tired of hearing it. What was that Maria? Shut up. So but it's true. And I'm like, I What's my late bloomer thing? Yeah, all the things that we're doing right now. With with Alice riot with WTF with Yeah, I got my Yank. I mean, my aunt last week was like, you didn't have that two years ago when I saw you. So that's true. She's like, Well, why did you do that? Because I wanted it. Well, you know, and, you know, always think of the stories about the midlife crisis. Oh, they're having a midlife crisis. They're getting tattoos. They're flying around the world doing crazy things.

Diana O'Gilvie: 27:31

And that's a that's like a blanket statement to cover. Oh, yeah. It's like a crazy art. Because if you look at it, what's what's age? What's the expectancy? Like I shouldn't be having a midlife crisis by though. If, if life expectancies like 7580

Kelly Groehler: 27:50

Listen, they've already got black balloons that over the hill signs for you people in your 40s when you get about two years away? Yeah, in the 50s. I'm supposed to move into the gated community with you know, and play shuffleboard.

Diana O'Gilvie: 28:03

I know you should go to Shady Pines with Sophia Sophia Petrillo.

Kelly Groehler: 28:09

That no way I want to go back to sugar pot beach. I want to do it I want to do I want to go to dub club on a Friday or a Sunday night? Yeah, why don't do those things always about? It's always alive. What are you doing this weekend? Um, what has happened in this weekend?

Diana O'Gilvie: 28:32

Oh, so I don't know. I've just started to get into antiquing and flea markets. And I think I want to check out one that's like 20 minutes from here just walk around and see I'm being drawn to old stuff now. See a few steps away from those active senior living. But yeah, I

Kelly Groehler: 28:57

just want I'm gonna save on my AARP cards and I'm just gonna send to you, given to you.

Diana O'Gilvie: 29:04

I want to look at things that I don't know of just having this call to like work with my hands like things that I can probably like upholstery or something. I don't know. I've been called to do something like that.

Kelly Groehler: 29:13

Oh, you know, there are some really awesome people I should tune you into. You can follow them on Instagram but who work in that space. There's a woman here in Minnesota. Her name is Nicole Nicole Crowder. And she's like an editor at large for Minneapolis, St. Paul magazines Home Design Series. And she does upholstery. And she actually runs retreats up in northern Wisconsin where you go to like this beautiful cabin out in the woods for a weekend. And she teaches you the practice of restoration and upholstery of furniture pieces. Yeah,

Diana O'Gilvie: 29:51

I wouldn't mind that because I have no skills. I don't know nothing. I can I can do a mean backstitch with but as for didn't watch it. I don't know. But I like, I like to follow the breadcrumbs when Spirit calls me. So

Kelly Groehler: 30:07

I think I think that's that's the whole point. And I mean, my gosh, I mean look at you had I mean there are there are so many options today out there to go and learn those skills if you've ever been interested in in doing something now's the time to go and do it. I mean, you know, I'm still I'm looking at that big garage that we have up here and I'm like, I could put a drum kit in there. I could get started. You know, do I really want to do that. I've got other things I want to do as well. Like I want to spatchcock chicken tonight on the grill. That's gonna be fun,

Diana O'Gilvie: 30:37

but the drums is freakin awesome. ,

Kelly Groehler: 30:41

like I could I could definitely do that if I wanted to. Why not? You want to learn how to upholster furniture or refinish an antique or? You know take a trip I mean, what the fuck are you waiting for?

Diana O'Gilvie: 30:56

What the fuck are you waiting for?

Kelly Groehler: 31:01

All right, well, hey, you hang on this weekend and I hope you don't get any bad symptoms. Yes. All right, well, and post some pictures of of the of the flea markets in the antiquing and, and meanwhile, I'm still going through all of my stuff here at the lake and trying to estate sale it so if you want to just come up to Minnesota and walk through the garage here. You're more than welcome.

Diana O'Gilvie: 31:24

It is warm now.

Kelly Groehler: 31:26

Well, it's warm. This is true. Yeah. Do you want to get up to Minnesota before gonna drop me a line?

Diana O'Gilvie: 31:36

Thanks for stepping inside our heads this week. Don't forget to subscribe to our YouTube channel and follow W T A 's women travel art and food on Instagram and Tiktok things that make you go WTF is a production of Alice Ryan MLC. We connect brands and contemporary women artists. Drop us a line at Hello at Alice riot.com