Women never go out of style with Deborah Ives

We're having a chat with the amazing Deborah Ives, the brains behind Solo in Style, a Facebook group that's all about helping women over 50 become confident solo travelers.

Deborah is sharing her incredible journey with us, starting from her solo adventure in Malaysia. Imagine exploring jungles and going scuba diving while dealing with turning 50 and the whole menopause thing. It's a wild ride! She'll spill the beans on how this adventure transformed her and gave her the idea to create a space for women like her, who've got some money to spare and big travel dreams but couldn't find the right support.

We're digging into how the group's chats have evolved over time. They started with practical travel advice but quickly moved to sharing personal stories about relationship ups and downs, coping with loss, and dealing with health issues. It's a place where women can spill the beans about their lives and get that shot of confidence needed to take on solo adventures.

If you're curious about how women over 50 are spreading their wings and taking on the world solo, then this WTAF episode is your jam!

Check out Solo in Style here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1423255857779766

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Transcript

Kelly Grohler  0:01  
Welcome to the WTF show. I'm Kelly Groehler, CEO of the creative agency Alice riot, and we are inspired by art in all of its forms in the studio, on the street or at the table. Join me and my co host Diana Ogilvie and our guests each week as we unpack the drama, crazy moments, new trends and technologies, tips and advice that shape exceptional global travel fine art and food experiences. We hope you leave each episode inspired to book that trip, buy that artwork or make that reservation for yourself. This is WTF. Women travel art.

Good afternoon, Deborah. Hello. Hi. Hi, you're joining us from London, my favorite city in the world. Fantastic. So I'm so absolutely delighted to have you join us. Tell us about solo and style. Tell us about yourself and about Solon style. 

Deborah Ives  0:53  
Okay, so Thanks, Kelly, for inviting me to chat with you today. I have been looking forward to this for such a long time. I love to talk about travel, it's one of my all time favorite things. And if I can combine it with eating and other kinds of pursuits along the way, then it's, it's even better. So solo InStyle came out from an experience that I had, I've always loved to travel and I was married for a long time. And then unexpectedly found myself divorcing, but I was left with two tickets for an incredible trip of a lifetime to Malaysia. So rather than lose the trip, I thought you know what, I'm just gonna go on my own.

And so I did. So I went off on my own to Malaysia, I went up through the jungles went scuba diving, I had the most incredible trip, petrified just everything that you can imagine going on your own as approaching 50 Live menopausal woman thinking oh my goodness. Anyway, as a result of that, I felt so empowered by it. And just so I don't know, it just, it just was a wonderful experience, 

I decided that I would want I wanted to do more solo travel. But when I started to look around, there wasn't really much information out there for solo ladies of a certain age who are perhaps coming to it from a slightly different angle and maybe have a little bit more disposable income, we kind of know what we want to do. And I just thought, oh my god, this must be a huge group of individuals, but I just could not find any resources for us, or even companies travel companies that were catering for us. 

So I just started a Facebook group thinking is there anybody out there, this was like in 2018. And for a long time, it was you know, my sister and her and my sister in law and friends, and then suddenly, boom, it just took off. And so now, that was in 2018. Now, there's 385,000 Women in this group from all over the world. So I'm sort of, and we share tips, we help each other, we just share our experiences, lots of people, ladies coming in there who want to know how to get started. Lots of them just need encouragement. I mean, it's just a really vibrant group, with masses of interaction, all based around fellow travelers. It's astounding. 

So you're when I first looked at the Facebook group, it was at 370,000 members and that was just back in June. So you're seeing this your your your your growth is exponential right now. It is it is and and you know, it's and it's so amazing because of course you know, we get we've had ladies who've been in there a long time. And a lot of people can be new and they ask them whatever questions you know anything from I don't know people ladies motorcycling across continents, to people literally going down the road with their pets, you know, our in our views, and just all kinds of solo travel. 

And I just think oh my gosh, you know, this must be getting repetitive. But my goodness, the variety of questions and tips and information, and it's unbelievable. So so when you when you first started the when you first started the Facebook group, how would you characterize the themes that you were seeing in the questions then, like, what were that like, as it was just getting started? What were what were the questions that you were first hearing from from members? 

That's a really, really good point because I think the group has shifted slightly so I think when it first started, it was very much very sort of practical tips. You know, I'm going to Greece, which Island should I go to law? You know, Can I can I travel safely in Spain as a solo woman, that kind of thing safety, by the way, just like ghosts has gone through the whole group from day one. 

So that's a big thing. But as we as we've grown, and we still get all those kinds of questions, but there are, it feels like an incredibly safe space for some ladies to share quite a lot of, you know what they've gone through to bring them to this point where they're now looking to travel solo. 

So a lot of ladies have had relationship thing, divorces, whatever, lots of ladies who have lost partners, and health, whatever health scares and things of that nature, but they feel safe to share that just as a precursor as to why and I think it just gives everyone in the group Ben, and then a much better feel for, you know, what kinds of things they might like to do or or their sort of starting point when trying to offer any kind of encouragement is and we've we've spent time talking about travel advisories that governments issue and there always seems to be this this fear factor? 

That is that undercurrent on on these and I certainly from a woman's perspective, they land I think more harshly with women who are considering travel than perhaps men. Right, but the fact that you're seeing, having these alternative spaces, safe places to ask those questions to share experiences, that that brings that that temperature down a little bit in terms of the excitement and the potential and the opportunity to travel instead of, of it being something you know, one of the things that Diana, my co host likes to talk about is when someone says to her or you're brave. It's like there's no bravery here. 

This isn't about bravery. I know, I know, I know, you know, just today a lady came in the group. And she posted a fairly typical request, which was, you know, I've been, I've been I've been parenting Single, single handed parenting for so many years, just been in school holidays. I now want to go off on my own, but I actually don't know where to start. And I'm feeling I'm feeling quite nervous, how Where do I begin? 

And just the list of comments and suggestions and really practical, helpful things is amazing. And it just continues and it will just continue, she'll probably end up having two or 3000 comments on the back. Very supportive. But yeah, it is that safe space. Yeah, for sure. Are you seeing an increase in confidence coming through? 

You know, I have a couple of the of the women that I've paid attention to inside the group paying attention to the before and the after the trip? Yeah. So how they, how they how they express trepidation concerns, questions, but then the recap of what the experience was like. Yeah, yeah, just the options. 

So the shift in confidence, right, and the photos that they share afterwards, and they're just so thrilled to share with everybody, and everybody is so happy and pleased and excited to see all these brilliant photos of them on that trip that they've been getting advice for. Some have been getting advice for quite some time. I mean, some ladies want, you know, real detail, real detail. And others just want, you know, some bigger ideas of the kinds of things that I should be considering.

But yeah, I mean, honestly, it's, to your point about feeling safe. I mean, I think there are people who are ladies in the group who are very experienced are always very safe, and a very sort of, you know, don't worry, just, you know, be brave, go, I mean, a lot of posts. And with that, you know, if you're feeling fearful, don't just do it. And that's easy to say, and sometimes quite hard to do, but, but I would probably say that too, because I actually think once you take that step, then you realize, oh my goodness, I can do it. And some ladies do share experiences. And it's not always you know, fabulous, we have ladies who have broken their ankles and ladies who've lost their phones, and they put them in so you know, things do go wrong. 

But I think quite oftenyou have to think about your travel style, even if you're traveling with somebody else. Because I think, for example, when I was married, it was always I always loved to organize everything and the travel side and the planning. And if I'm going with somebody I like to kind of research and whereas there are others who just like to be taken and there's nothing wrong with it at all. It's just you have to I think be honest about what is your style of travel and then you can plan accordingly. So I love that about about the name solo in style. The idea behind style is individual to who you are. Absolutely. And I really thought about that name because some people think it's all about luxury is it

Absolutely not. And I think I, I tried to kind of write about this in my, on my website, but it really is about whatever your style is, that's great. So you just kind of choose your style. And sometimes you might feel luxurious, sometimes you might want to backpack sometimes you might want to go in a group of other solos, you might want to go on your own. I never, I know that for my my own style, I like to just show up and wing it. 

You know, I always I always I have I have a general compass, a general direction, that I'm going to gravitate to where the food is, I'm going to gravitate to where the art is. And so but you know, even even in cities like London, I've been there frequently. It's, it's my, it holds my heart it has since I was 15 years old, and I was there for the first time. But I still show up and just go ahead, I'm gonna hop on the tube and go this direction, right and see what happens. 

And I always have really fantastic memories that are tied to those moments. But I also know that that is how I travel. And meanwhile, I also find myself and I'd be curious to know if if you've met others through your network, where they don't necessarily like the burden of being the cruise director for everyone. 

But they end up taking on that role. And that has been sorry, girlfriends, that that has been my experience with some girlfriend trips, or in recent years, and I've kind of put my foot down saying, let me know when when to show up at the airport. And I'll be there but I don't. I don't want to run the tour. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, you're so right. And I mean, I also think that going to kind of your personality, if I travel in a group, even if it's with my, you know, my nearest and dearest, if I'm going away with my sister, or my close girlfriends, I'm always one of those people who hates confrontation, I like to just kind of go with the flow. So quite often, in those situations, I will come back from that trip. And I haven't done like the one thing that was on my bucket list, because nobody else wanted to do it. 

Or there wasn't time because we do. And that's another reason why I just left to go solo, because you can be really selfish. And you can just do what you were saying, you know, if you want to just hop on a tube line or go to try a restaurant or do whatever. You don't have to do that consensus and somebody needs to organize it in bucket and how, you know, if you can just do it, and yeah, there are times when that's really nice.

Yeah, King William, the fourth pub up in Hampstead was right, oh my god, it just looked like a block or two from the tube station. And I happen to wander in there because I was hungry. And I tell the story so often, but it was owned by a couple. And they each had their families in there. And it was England versus Wales rugby. And it was it was boisterous. And it was crowded. And I started to try to sneak back out because it's so crowded, and literally someone like sat me down on a stool and put a Guinness in my hand and said let's not give any questions. Yeah, it can.

Kelly Grohler  13:08  
It was fun. It was just great.

Deborah Ives  13:11  
Yeah, memories like that sticker. Evidently, I had a similar in a pub in Cape Town, when England was playing South African rugby. And I think I was the only English person in there. But everybody was really friendly. And it just was the same thing. raucous and fun. And yeah, really good. Really good. 

Kelly Grohler  13:29  
So how, how have you seen a shift in tone or confidence in the community since the pandemic and since travel bans have been lifted? Like what is what has been most striking to you in terms of the tone and mindset you're getting from the community that maybe wasn't there before the pandemic? And that's a good question, isn't it because when the when the pandemic hit, I did put a big post up saying this is a no COVID zone. So I just was like, we just do not want to go right down rabbit holes and COVID We can all go online with government, you know. So we had no COVID chat at all. And I was actually looking back I'm thinking, I wonder how we kept going. I mean, we did keep going we talked about

Unknown Speaker  14:15  
exploring locally and what we could find, you know, and let Share, share what your Saturday morning looks like because of course we've got leaders from all over the world. It's just fantastic to see a food market, you know, I don't know in Toronto or whatever. So we had a lot of that stuff. Post pandemic there were those that jumped straight in it's like whoo, you know, we can travel and going I think that was a minority though, and I think most people and I'm going to put myself into that bucket because it took me a while actually to feel comfortable. Not scared of COVID but just

Unknown Speaker  14:50  
I don't know what it was just a little bit of anxiety about going again. And so I powered through it and and off I went but that

Unknown Speaker  15:00  
did come up quite a lot. Lots of ladies No, is it just me, but since COVID, I've, I've been really kind of a bit more nervous about it.

Unknown Speaker  15:09  
And I think that's in our past. And so we don't hear about COVID much at all

Unknown Speaker  15:16  
in the group. But

Unknown Speaker  15:19  
yeah, you know, I still I still, I would say a good third of travelers that I see at airports are, at least in the US are still masking up. And I think that that is absolutely fine. In fact, I, I appreciate that. For as awful as the pandemic was, and the millions of lives that were lost to COVID to see that people can feel comfortable in protecting their personal health and the ways that they feel is best for them.

Unknown Speaker  15:46  
I'm happy to have that sort of an outcome that people are more mindful about their health, they're more mindful about others health and

Unknown Speaker  15:55  
and so I think if there's any silver lining to find from that,

Unknown Speaker  16:00  
I know that for myself, though, I binge watched as much food and travel programming as I possibly could while I was shut down. And so I was bursting at the seams. And so the moment that I could I did, I'm like, I'm out of here. I gotta get on a plane. Yeah. Yeah, no, I hear you some. Yeah, it's, um, I did the same. And that's how I do a lot of my planning is watching food and travel shows. And I mean, I will book an entire trip around one restaurant somewhere in the world.

Unknown Speaker  16:31  
Just because I have to go try it. And okay, well, I have to put you on the spot. Tell us about one of those. Let that just tell us where you saw the show and what.

Unknown Speaker  16:42  
So I am going I am going to Nashville because I have seen I had seen on Netflix. Is it somebody feed Phil? Is that what it's called? I don't know. He's probably more famous in the US. And he's in the UK. So I just want know him from his food and travel. I assume he's got a different another line. But he has easy in there. He talks. He's got this chicken if it goes to chicken restaurants. So that was and I just don't want anyone to go to Nashville. And I'm definitely going to go and so I'm going in November to Nashville. And then there have been some really great.

Unknown Speaker  17:15  
I follow a guy called Rick Stein quite a lot. He's a chef. So lots of chefs do foodie travel. And he travels so he's traveled all over all over the world. But I followed him to an amazing farm in Kerala in India after I've seen him go and, and I stayed on the farm and then I could cook with the lady who owned that the farm and that was just amazing in the back waters of India. And then I also went to Wacker in Mexico to try this one Michelin starred restaurant and, and I was emailed for months in advance. And I was just obsessed with going and it was really amazing. And it was fantastic. And and there's lots of the magic. I guess, there's some need to hope I did when the pandemic ended, I went to Wales to the beautiful part of Wales, which I didn't know at all, because I had seen this amazing television, this incredible seafood restaurant on the beach,

Unknown Speaker  18:15  
in Wales, and it was just as fantastic as I had hoped. So I had a whole whole weekend walking, and then having had lunch there actually, it was absolutely amazing. So I do that a lot. I do. Do you think do you think a lot of other women do the same thing being?

Unknown Speaker  18:35  
Yeah, I think so. I think so.

Unknown Speaker  18:40  
I mean, it's amazing. What does inspire them to travel, a lot of ladies are inspired by art. I know that's obviously something that's close to your heart. Lots of ladies who go to painting holiday so they can actually paint themselves and share their paintings in the group which are beautiful. And then others who are obviously going to study art or a city like Madrid or wherever where they can, or London or Paris, where they can look at Fine Art among not just fine art, but I mean, we've got some great street art in London, which is incredible. Oh, yes. So that that does come up quite a lot as a as a as a real passion for a lot of ladies, I'm desperate to go to Monet's garden. Have you been to Monet's garden and I have not been to money's? No, I have no so it's on my list. Somebody put a picture in the book of it just this week and my Oh god, I really need to make that happen. That's just absolutely that's incredible though to know that you have this massive growing group of women who can give this great travel advice and and then seed ideas and experiences with each other.

Unknown Speaker  19:47  
You know, I know that we have been seeing in the news, certainly here in the states of how the climate this summer is affecting travel and watching watching

Unknown Speaker  20:00  
An Ireland and Greece being evacuated and just the massive crowd sizes that are having to move quickly in response to that. Are you seeing any sort of conversation taking place around the climate implications of travel and how women are choosing differently to travel or thinking about how they leave an impact or a footprint when they do travel? What are those conversations like that you're seeing? Yeah, no, that's a really good point. Definitely. There are, of course, and always have been from the beginning, ladies who will post about, you know, are you sure that you need to take these flights, you should consider your carbon footprint and that be met with mixed

Unknown Speaker  20:44  
mixed views.

Unknown Speaker  20:46  
A lot of ladies now choosing to use the train, especially in Europe, because you can use the train and go from country to country fairly?

Unknown Speaker  20:56  
Well, actually, not just not just in Europe, but fairly epic fairly easily with and more affordable too.

Unknown Speaker  21:04  
And then, of course, there were lots of comments this summer in particular, around, you know, the whole heat, and what is it like? And how are you coping with it? But I do think one of the biggest things for me as well, just as an individual, when I travel is I like to travel with, you know, companies that are promoting eco tourism are looking after their local communities supporting women. So if I choose to, if I choose to partner with a company for a unique tour that I'm offering, it'll be with a lady who

Unknown Speaker  21:35  
is working with locals and supporting and empowering local females in their communities to to be things like, you know,

Unknown Speaker  21:48  
Safari guides, or I mean, anything doesn't matter. But, so So certainly there's, there is a lot of,

Unknown Speaker  21:55  
I think, a lot of move towards ecotourism in general, but also giving back as well. Absolutely. Well, and you know, we are intentional in seeking out chefs and artists who are women, because they they are, you know, they are usually the bedrock of, of the local culture in the first place. And so, we'd really like to discover them. What

Unknown Speaker  22:21  
if you had to pick one place in the world to say to every woman, that if you've ever taken a solo trip, this is where you should go? Where would you send them? You know, that's the hardest question. It is really hard.

Unknown Speaker  22:38  
I would say the place where I had my, I think India for me, I just love India, and India is huge. So it's really hard to say I mean, I visited the Taj Mahal, I'd always wanted to go, I just thought it was the most magical thing I've ever seen in my life. But in terms of total experience, I absolutely adore Sri Lanka, and have been quite a few times to Sri Lanka. So there's a theme here Now certainly the food is a bit of a theme I love. I love curries of any kind.

Unknown Speaker  23:10  
But it's so hard to choose one place. I don't know, where would you go? What's yours? Oh, gosh.

Unknown Speaker  23:19  
Hard, isn't it? It's so hard. And I find you know, I I absolutely adore new experiences. So I tend not to be someone London and New York are probably my two exceptions. Where I will go anytime. Let's go right right now right. And so but that's out of habit and having between work and and for, you know, for family have been in those cities so many times in my life. I'm always keen on what I haven't seen yet. And so like for me right now. I am so keen on.

Unknown Speaker  23:55  
I want to experience northern Japan. Right. Hi. I want desperately to experience Morocco. I have not been there yet. Alright, so that's like the lowest on my list. I see the one other people that you'll probably the only person you'll ever meet. I'm not a huge fan of Morocco. But it's just it's it's hard to. It's hard to give, you know, advice, isn't it? Yeah. I'm a huge Francophile as well. I live anywhere in in France. I love France, anywhere in France. And I'm just discovering Spain more now this view. Oh, anyway, Spain. I mean, honestly, I'm not sure I've been anywhere that I haven't like Morocco, probably the

Unknown Speaker  24:35  
i I'm also drawn by the connections I have in these places. So I have a former colleague and friend, for instance, who splits her time between Singapore and Bangkok. And so the idea of knowing that she's there is a draw for me and and I'm fortunate to have

Unknown Speaker  24:58  
pretty much every

Unknown Speaker  25:00  
continent except for Antarctica. I have someone I could go and see and say, so it's just a matter of making that happen as a part of the, the work for, for what we do so, yeah. So I'm in so many places, my bucket list is a mile long, it really is. But it's also it's also I think it each bucket list can be so individualized and tailored based on tastes and preferences. And that's what's so exciting about it. Hey, so

Unknown Speaker  25:32  
what are your like, what are your essentials, you're gonna get on a plane? What must you have with you when you get on the plane? So obviously, there'll be someone's like phone and headphones and all of that, that I. So those kinds of things, I have to take my MAC with me, I don't care where I go, my Mac goes with me.

Unknown Speaker  25:55  
And then I'm quite and quite.

Unknown Speaker  26:00  
I'm not a very light packer, I must be honest, and that's a huge debate. And then if you've seen that in the group, oh my goodness, that one causes so much conflict between, you know, putting everything in a tiny little bag that you can stick under the seat for like six months of travel somewhere or I don't overpack. But I just take what I consider it, if I'm going for, say two weeks.

Unknown Speaker  26:22  
But what I do always take just about to where I go. And years ago, I studied nutritional therapy. And I started to practice as a nutritional therapist and I met this fabulous lady called Alexandra soveral, who did these incredible facial massages with their own blend of organic face oils. And she and I have kept in touch now for 20 something years, I think her company is now 20 years old, maybe slightly more. And she's doing gone from strength to strength. And she's now inspired in New York. And in London, if you ever come you're really about to go and see that she's incredible. But she has this product called Angel bomb. And it was a very first product. And this product is just incredible, because it's a bike smells amazing. Everything she does smells amazing. But you can use it for everything. So you can literally put it on a mask whilst you're on the plane, you can just use it as a daily moisturizer, you can do your cuticle, if you've got little bits of dry skin. I mean, this is like a multi functioning product. I absolutely love it. I never ever travel anywhere without it. It's wonderful. I need to I need to find the that will put that in there actually notes for this that I've always done for something good to put on the face when I'm flying. Yeah, it's great. And when you get there too, you can put it on you could put it like a hot cloth over and just let it soak in. Or you can put a very thin layer and because I do I mean I have very dry skin and I expect depends where you're going. If you I used to do a lot of scuba diving and then when you come up from like lots of dives your skins and I

Unknown Speaker  27:56  
put it old on them. Oh, I love that. That's my essential. Yeah, for sure. So Diana and I have a

Unknown Speaker  28:04  
we have our teams. She's team check and I'm Team carry on.

Unknown Speaker  28:09  
So I am I am the one who squeezes everything for two weeks into a carry on. And she's like, that's just crazy. But

Unknown Speaker  28:18  
so where if someone is coming to London tomorrow, and it might be me, because I'm always ready to go to London. You never know. I just show up.

Unknown Speaker  28:29  
Where would you advise someone to go and have a really great meal.

Unknown Speaker  28:34  
So we have so much choice. So much choice. But

Unknown Speaker  28:39  
yeah, we we we have so much fantastic Indian food. So Darjeeling Express is an amazing restaurant. Shout out to Heather. She just bragged about that in the last episode. So you're gonna have some point gets to that chef. Definitely. Absolutely incredible. And so I do this, I mean, I my obsession with food actually is the same in London. So we have a cooking program on Saturday mornings, or Saturday kitchen, and they invite chefs in life to cook. And so depending on the chef, they always do a little plug for their restaurant. And so this one chef was on a few weeks ago and he made this incredible dish and I finally got into his restaurant last night that called follow and it was absolutely unbelievably amazingly great. But that but then at the other end, an amazing bakery in the East End of London called the dusty knuckle but does the most incredible sandwiches with the most wonderful breads and they do the incredible sourdough pizzas and beer and then we have so many like pop up street markets all over everywhere you can get anything that you like so I mean you know, you have so much choice but a market is very famous for its you know its food but it's a little bit

Unknown Speaker  30:00  
Little bit

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