Hey everyone, and I’m back. My goal is to try and get these podcasts out Monday night for your listening pleasure so that you too can laugh at my ridiculous adventures and discoveries. A repeat from last week, and no, I’m not a lawyer, just want to make sure I set expectations here for those of you tuning in. This is not a relationship advice podcast, this is more about humor and dating in my 40’s and things I’ve experienced. And it’s only been a week and yet, so much has happened. These podcasts will range from 5-10 minutes, you’re welcome for not taking up too much of your time with my ridiculous stories.
Now let’s get to the heart of this story. Okay, I may not be the hippest 41 year old, but boy have I been learning a lot about various slang terms. Slang is not really in my wheelhouse and even growing up I didn’t hang out with enough of the cool kids to really get into using a variety of colloquialisms so learning about them in the dating world is…to put frankly annoying. The ones I will be discussing today are Breadcrumbing, Love bombing, and cuffing.
Let’s start with bread crumbing. When I first heard this term, I thought it was in references to actually bread crumbing an item, like a cutlet or something, because I’m lame and never thought something that had a clear definition would have a different variation of meaning. The meaning of bread crumbing is when someone repeatedly flirts with you, but never asks you out, or maybe they message you and then disappear for days on end to only reappear like they didn’t just disappear for x-amount of days. This term of bread-crumbing actually made a lot of sense when I looked it up. It means, a person who gives just enough ‘crumb’ of attention or affection to give you hope and keep you on the hook — but not enough to make you feel comfortable or assured the relationship is going well
And just for funsies I’ll share an example of this happening to me. So I am part of multiple dating apps, I joined one in particular about 2-3 weeks ago but I’ve half-assedly been part of a few others for about 2-3 months. And by half-assed I mean I log in like once a week.
Early February I responded to some guy who had “liked me” back in December, so I decided to respond. We chatted a little, bit he was really funny and seemed intelligent so we kept it going, we exchanged numbers and started texting regularly. We hadn’t met but he was very insistent that we be “monogamous” Yeah, I know, a little weird, but I was like, whatever because like I said, I was half-assedly looking on the sites and he was the most interesting.
Now, I want to be clear here, I am not one who feels the need to be in constant contact with someone, however, if we are having a discussion of import and they disappear for a few days, not cool. And that is exactly what this guy did. He asked what I was doing the next week and I responded…then I hear nothing for 4-5 days. When he finally deigned to grace me with his presence he simply said, “how’s your weekend going”. So I told him. And then informed him that it was rude and discourteous to not respond for so long. In my opinion, in this day and age a text costs you very little time. He didn’t respond the next day so I deleted his number and unmatched him. Here’s what I have to say about bread crumbing, for anyone out there that’s experience, know your worth. If someone is really interested in you they won’t do it.
Next word, love bombing. I had never heard of this phenomenon, I’ve experience it, but I didn’t realize there was an actual term for it. So love bombing is when someone gets too attached too quick, either intentionally or a means of control. It’s that excessive amount of attention, affection, and sometimes even word usage. I am sure we’ve all experienced this person at some point in our lives. This behavior makes me super uncomfortable. I wouldn’t say I’m “reserved” per se, but I am cautious. If someone comes on too strong and too fast I back away, tell them how I feel, then see what they do. If they keep pushing, I know I need to run. The person could be genuine with their emotions and their intent, however, I see it more as a manipulation tactic, and I don’t like that. It’s like the person is trying to get you to return that level of affection just to “win you over”. That to me is a level of manipulation I refuse to play. Here’s what I know about how I love, my love is not that easily won and I don’t want a partner who thinks it is. And honestly…now that I think about it, that guy I gave an example of that was bread crumbing me, he actually exhibited love bombing tendencies, particularly with the immediate commitment. I didn’t even think of that until now, but yeah. That kind of fits. How lucky am I? Two terms in one guy in less than three months.
Last word of the day is cuffing. Now…I know the word cuffing. I know this word in two ways, one striking someone, and two, handcuffing someone as law enforcement or for bedroom antics. Apparently…my vocab needs works because there is in fact another meaning, and who knows maybe even more, but the one that I learned about is when people get into relationships during the colder month of the year, even though they ordinarily wouldn’t be interested in a commitment. And get this…there’s apparently a season for it. When it started to get cold, until it starts to warm up, like early to mid spring depending on where you live…that Is called cuffing season. Haha…well anyway…that one sounds even more ridiculous.
Here’s how this ends…for any of those terms I think it’s important to remember the following:
- Love yourself and know your value and what you bring to a relationship
- Respect yourself enough to walk away when something feels off
- Set those boundaries and stick to them. Don’t let a random person try and throw you off
Anyway, this feels like it went for awhile, right? I’ll catch y’all next week where we will be talking about the first guy I spoke with from a dating app and no, I don’t mean the guy I talked about in this episode.
