Hey everyone, and I’m back. If you’ve heard my past podcasts, then you know I like to start off with level-setting. This is not a relationship advice podcast, this is more about humor and dating in my 40’s and things I’ve experienced. These podcasts will range from 5-10 minutes and I promise this one will be less than 10 minutes, unlike last week’s catfishing podcast.
Today we’re going to laugh about first messages. I am going to share some of my favorites that I’ve received and I hope you get as good of a laugh at them as I did…and uh…there will be some explicit verbiage here just to warn you now
- A lady like you shouldn’t be here. Okay…I understand the intent, but my first reaction was, “dude…are you threatening me?”
- Somethings wrong with my phone. Your numbers not in it
- Ready to walk with a wobble. -_- gross
- are you ready to meet the man of your dreams? I'll introduce you two at our first date…okay…this one is actually pretty hilarious
- Hey cutie…this annoys me. I’ll go into my diatribe on this in a bit
- No offense, I bet you have amazing nipples
- Do you like whales? Because we should go humpback at my place
- Sit on my face
What others have received:
- This one…oh man…wish I could take credit for this, but this is an opening someone else said to someone I know: I love your curves, they remind me of my moms…and let me tell you…us girls talks…this is definitely a line he’s used on others…and ick…oedipus complex anyone?
- Oral? Do you enjoy receiving? If you would like a clean bearded man to give you some wonderful tongue, no reciprocal needed or anything required from your beautiful self but to just lay back and enjoy I am y our man…it goes on for a bit so we’ll stop there
- I seek a future Asian wife. Interested in me?
- Hi there beautiful, sexy daddy got a fetish. Oh boo daddy flexible
- Idgaf bout how old u is…I’ll French kiss your pussy lips n loud that pussy so hard
- Hello baby, would it be possible for us to meet up tomorrow for a make out session? If things work out we could probably get to know each other and take it from there
- Roses are red, you are quite the looker if I meet up with you I won’t need a hooker
- I bet you taste amazing
- I would love to eat your ass
- You’re a 10 but you’re on this app. Wanna unpack that
- Ladies reach their peak in their 30s then go downhill whereas men get better with age…but you are quite the cougar
- I have got dateline and a warm blanket waiting for you because I know what women like. Holler.
- Would you like to kick me in the balls?
- Are you into guys wearing diapers
- You are the reason of global warming because you re so hot!
- Damn…I’m sorry but Imma be real with you, I”m tryna eat that ass like a cupcake <— I’m interested in what kind of cupcake…filled?
- “3/10”, <— dude. Why bother? What is wrong with people?
- “do you like furrys”.
- “hey can I come clean your house in a maids outfit while you yell at me”
- You’ll look so great pregnant and barefoot while cooking in the kitchen
- I’ve never been with a white woman before, you tryna change my life or what?
OKAY…now that we’ve all had a good laugh let’s talk about first messages and why they’re important. Kidding, I don’t think we have to discuss why, right? I have so much to say about these, but also an opinion on general human interaction.
It’s very obvious from these message how inappropriate they are. The part that makes me laugh is no one in their right mind would say this to someone in real life. Not even the “Hey cutie” comment.
Men have approached me in the past and I think the most forward was this guy who stopped me on the street in Chicago and he said, “Are you single, because I want to get to know you” And that is the MOST forward a guy has been when hitting on me.
But first impressions matter and I’m sure for a lot of these guys they aren’t in it for anything serious, obviously. But it really sucks for those of us who are looking for relationship. When a woman is bombarded with crap like this it’s really disheartening. I’m sure these lines have worked sometimes, else why continue? I’m also 100% positive that these are not original to the recipients who told me about them, I can see these people sending these messages out to every woman who swipes on them to see who says, “yes, I will totally sit on your face”.
I’ll also add one of the big turns offs for me is people who use shortened words when messaging me, Like instead of spelling out how are you, they just write HRU. I know that style of messaging is popular and intended to be expedient, but I look at it as a level of laziness that I don’t want to deal with.
Closing it out, I hope you guys enjoyed this episode, I had a lot of fun pulling it together. I wanted to do a lighter one after the catfishing episode because that one was more serious than I intended. Join me next week as I talk about juggling multiple conversations. Until next time! Hope y’all have a wonderful week
