Facing The Tough & Tender for with Nat Nat

Experience a powerful transformation as we explore how to manage and integrate anxiety with the help of our guest, the wise and resilient NatNat. In this episode of Life of Love, you'll learn the invaluable skill of tuning into your body to understand and confront anxiety, instead of seeking external escapes. NatNat leads us through a grounding meditation that emphasizes breath and body awareness, showing us how to turn life's challenges into opportunities for growth and self-awareness.

Discover how childhood experiences shape our emotional well-being and the necessity of rebuilding trust in our body's messages. NatNat emphasizes the significance of movement, dance, and sound healing as critical tools for processing and releasing emotional blockages. You'll gain insight into how to foster a deeper connection with your body and better understand physical symptoms through mindfulness and radical honesty, harmonizing your human and spiritual experiences along the way.

Join us as we discuss the courage required to embrace radical compassion and authenticity in your healing journey. We highlight the importance of facing and processing big emotions with grace and self-compassion. Delve into the mission of "Lift One Self," where the value of community and self-care resources is celebrated. This episode promises to guide you through the complexities of emotions and self-awareness, celebrating the continuous journey of healing and connection.

 Link to Nat Nat's page
 https://linktr.ee/Liftoneself

Transcript

Julie Hilsen: 0:08

Hello, dear friends, and welcome to another episode of Life of Love, where we gather each Thursday to explore life's mysteries, challenges, tribulations and joy, and it's all about living your best self and your best day, whatever that day looks like. We're here to help you bring forth the highest expression of your day, the highest expression of your life, and even maybe look into some values that can center you and your energy. So today's going to be a really, really exciting episode. So I'm so honored to have your ears, I'm so honored to have your attention and I hope that you stick around for the whole episode, because we have so many words of wisdom and you're going to love Natalie better.

Julie Hilsen: 0:56

She goes by NatNat and she's my special guest. She is a beacon of resilience. She has been in the empowerment realm since 2019. She grappled with serious illness and it was a life-threatening illness and also she's been a single parent to three boys. Nat Nat's a steadfast mentor on the journey of self-discovery and healing and, with her profound understanding of the nervous system, she specializes in unraveling emotional blockages and reuniting intuitive connections. So we're so excited to have her on Life of Love. Oh, my goodness, she's going to guide us to embrace our fullest potential through small, actionable steps, growth and transformation, and so her pearls of wisdom are going to be so wonderful. Welcome Nat Nat with the open heart, and I'm just so excited to share this time with her. So, nat Nat, thank you for being on Life of Love, thank you for having me, julie, and what a beautiful introduction.

Nat Nat Bedard: 2:02

Sometimes when people introduce me, I'm like are they talking about me? So I'm looking forward to this deep dive in the play that we're going to engage in, because before we started recording, we connected very profoundly. So I'm looking forward to this.

Julie Hilsen: 2:18

Yes, me too, and I'm just giddy with excitement because I've been wanting to talk about anxiety with somebody, because I've been feeling it, and it's just been one of those things where I'm like, why am I so anxious? I felt like I had a handle on my nervous system. I felt like, yeah, I'm riding these waves. We've got solar flares coming in, we got solar emissions and the photon belt's been going through the galaxy, going by us in the Milky Way, so I know the energies are there and I've been surfing. The last year. I've just been, yeah, let's go with this. And then, I don't know, since the eclipse, I've just been waking up with anxiety. I have no tolerance for alcohol. I don't even like the smell of alcohol. I am so sensitive to everything I cannot stop talking about my symptoms. So when you said you're specializing in nervous system and anxiety, I'm like hallelujah Cause. If anyone's feeling half of what I'm feeling, I know this is going to be a very powerful conversation.

Nat Nat Bedard: 3:21

Yeah, would you be willing to go into a guided meditation so that we can ground ourselves in our breath and drop into our body? Because anxiety comes from the nervous system and a lot of times we, you know, come out of the body and we just stay in the head rather than come into the body and face the anxiety to the body and face the anxiety, integrate it and ask it well, why is it here and what's activating it? Because there's something activating the anxiety and, as you said, there's a lot of things that have gone on with the planet which have an influence on us. Yet really asking the energy, what is going on? Because everything's supposed to be served for your highest good. So, instead of getting dragged by it, it's learning how to ride it. Like you said, ride those waves.

Julie Hilsen: 4:11

Right, okay. Well, I adore this already, because we're taking anxiety and we're saying, what's up, it's not running away. We're not taking a pill, we're not drinking a glass of Chardonnay, we're saying, hello, what's up, let's do a guided meditation. So I am 100% in and I know you're going to tell people if you're driving. Listen to this later.

Nat Nat Bedard: 4:36

So most times, people are listening to a podcast while they're driving or needing their visual, so please do not close your eyes. I want you to stay safe and I want everybody around you to stay safe. Yet the other prompts you're able to follow with whatever activity you're doing. However, another disclaimer if you're getting too relaxed and it's becoming too difficult to do the activity that you're currently doing, just skip over to the conversation and come back to this part of the mindful moment so that you can get a deep benefit of you know, this guided meditation and grounding yourself in your breath and dropping into your body.

Nat Nat Bedard: 5:20

So, Julie, I'll ask you, yeah, to get comfortable in your seating and you're going to gently close your eyes and you're going to begin breathing in and out through your nose and you're going to bring your attention to watching your breath go in and out through your nose. You're not going to try and control your breath and out through your nose. You're not going to try and control your breath. You're just going to be bringing your awareness to watching your breath, becoming aware of the rhythm of it. There may be some sensations or feelings coming up. Let them come up. You're safe to feel. You're safe to let go, surrender the need to control, release the need to resist and just be, be with your breath, drop into your body, just continue keeping your awareness on your breath and, if it's a little challenging in the body, take some deep breaths all the way to the bottom of your belly and when you're inhaling, you're pushing that belly out like a balloon. So you're inhaling as if you're blowing up a balloon internally and pushing that belly all the way out, and then, when you're going to exhale, you're going to suck your belly in all the way into your spine to release all of that CO2., co2. You're going to do a few of those cycles just to allow the energy and the rhythm of your breath to help regulate the nervous system. Just try to slow down your breathing. When you're doing that inhale, do it a little bit longer, and when you're doing the exhale, do it a little bit longer. Slow things down for yourself.

Nat Nat Bedard: 7:37

Go deeper into your body While still staying with your breath. While still staying with your breath, by now there may have been thoughts or to-do lists or memories popping up. Then it's fine, bring your awareness back to your breath. You're not trying to get rid of anything. You're just keeping your awareness on your breath and observing it all, allowing yourself to relate to the body and see the different aspects. Just continue focusing on your breath going deeper into your body, staying with that breath dropping deeper into your body. Now, while you're staying with your breath, at your own time and at your own pace, you're going to gently open your eyes while staying with your breath. How did that feel?

Julie Hilsen: 9:09

It made me feel more resourceful, because just talking about anxiety had me all in my head and when you told me to focus on my you know belly breathing, breathing in, to make that balloon into my stomach, that just it gave me more space, it gave me more more power with with dealing with how I was feeling, and so I really I really found it peaceful and relaxing. So I thank you so much. I relaxing, so I thank you so much. I feel more grounded now and I think what came to my mind was that you know my mind will overwork and so it's like just giving it a break and letting you know my stomach and letting my solar plexus take on some of the load. Solar plexus take on some of the load help me feel more balanced. I don't know if that's a common thing, but yes, it's really, that was beautiful.

Nat Nat Bedard: 10:12

You're being aware of your nervous system. When your mind is running rampant, it's that your nervous system is trying to find solutions. Yet the nervous system is based off of negative bias, so when it's activated, it's all looking for the problems and trying to find that safety of where's the problem, so we can solve it. And a lot of times there's nothing that we need to do. Yet I would ask you right now, Julie, what are you feeling in your body?

Julie Hilsen: 10:44

Yet I would ask you right now, Julie, what are you feeling in your body? Well, I'm feeling more balance and more peace.

Julie Hilsen: 10:56

But what else is there? This is my struggle. I like to have my body one place and then my consciousness is like floating around and thinking of the other things I need to do. So you've really hit. You've really hit a challenging place for me. So you're right on it. You're right on it. So, yeah, I guess my body's feeling well. It's all one thing right, but as a whole, I'm feeling like I need to take more time to do this, because I feel like I just hit the surface of it and there's so much more to go, and I feel like my guides and my angels are telling me that I'm not taking enough quiet time in these moments to reset my nervous system. I feel like I'm starving for it.

Nat Nat Bedard: 11:49

What's activating it?

Julie Hilsen: 11:52

Well, yeah, that's the thing is not is the anxiety is activated by the feeling that I need to know what's coming, that I, you know that. I know that I should trust because I'm putting forth the highest good, and whatever comes is for me to see and to work through. So these, like you were talking about, before these energies come up, so we have an opportunity to experience and learn from them. So I need to trust whatever's coming up is worthy, is worthwhile looking at and not try to control it but surrender to it, because if I keep going outside myself, I'm just going to keep getting knocked on the head with like a hammer, and I know that.

Julie Hilsen: 12:41

I know that cognitively but neurologically, like you said, we're in this divergent. It's like this we experience through polarization. So we're looking for the negative, we're looking for that tiger around the corner and we're safe. And I loved how you said that you're safe to feel, you're safe to be where you are. And I never, I never want to project anything that's difficult from myself, because I always will just want to help other people, but that's. You know. It's hard to shift roles when you want to be a helper, but the best way to help someone is to be good yourself. So it's a really, really positive message that you've brought forth.

Nat Nat Bedard: 13:28

Can I, can I dive a little bit deeper with you? So I'm going to ask you, Julie, do you trust yourself?

Julie Hilsen: 13:39

yeah, most of the time I do, but I need that's something I need to work on, because I'll question, I'll be like, well, am I motivated by this or that? And you know, like, for me, I've always felt like I need to consider other people because, you know, you grow up as a middle child and you want everyone to be happy. So if you can give a little and show up for someone else and everyone's happy, then you've done a good job. So I have to deal with these things that I have placed on myself. That, you know, considering everybody's situation, trying to be compassionate, but not at the expense of myself. That's, that's the, that's a balance block that Julie has. That I have to, you know, navigate.

Julie Hilsen: 14:37

So, yeah, I mean I, I know that the ego can make you make decisions that can be self-serving, and so I try to question okay, where is this coming from? Am I being authentic to my values? And that's been a huge thing for me. If I can come back to my values, then I know I'm, then I can trust my decision. But do I just trust that I'm always going to make the right choice?

Julie Hilsen: 15:03

No, because I make mistakes, like free will, right, and I don't want to do something that's going to hurt somebody else, and I have hurt other people, whether intentionally or trying to control something. And so for me, and this is everyone's path but, yeah, I don't always trust myself because I might be driven by anxiety or fear and so my choice might not be for the highest good. So I have to sit back and be like, okay, what are my values, where's my heart? And then if I can go to my heart and know that I'm making the best possible choice in my heart and it feels good, then I can trust it. But I I can't say that I'm at a place where I can just trust everything that I do. I don't know if that makes any sense.

Nat Nat Bedard: 15:54

Of course it does. It makes total sense. I'm going to change a bit of the language sense. I'm going to change a bit of the language. You mentioned that you don't trust the anxiety and fear because the anxiety and fear has you making choices that may be harmful to yourself or other people. When have you faced those energies to see that they were methods of protection, to see that they were methods of protection.

Julie Hilsen: 16:21

Well, I face them a lot because I feel them. And I realize that the anxiety and fear are there to show the backdrop of love, and love and fear cannot coexist. So that's why I come to my heart and I go from there, and so yeah.

Nat Nat Bedard: 16:42

I disagree with that.

Julie Hilsen: 16:44

Yeah.

Nat Nat Bedard: 16:44

I disagree with that and that is why people are getting harmed. The love is very spiritual and, being in that spiritual aspect, the fear is your human side, because your nervous system needs fear. You cannot navigate and you cannot have your intuition without fear. Your intuition is going to activate fear because curiosity brings you into the unknown and uncertainty. The fear that you're speaking about is the psychological fear that we take on because of the patterns of protection that the nervous system has created.

Nat Nat Bedard: 17:20

So the ego that you mentioned is actually the defense mechanisms protecting you from being vulnerable and feeling your authentic emotions Because, as you said, as a middle child for your story, you were a caretaker for everybody and you probably took care of the thermostat of everybody else's emotional states to feel that sense of safety, to feel that sense of reward that I'm helping and that I have value and I belong.

Nat Nat Bedard: 17:46

So in that, when you deal with that, what your challenge is? Julie doesn't know how to receive and it's very threatening and it is very disruptive when you have to receive and it's very visceral in your body. Yet intellectually you know the work is I'm okay to receive, yet it's to embody it in your body and that's where it's facing the anxiety and fear that what is being activated? What am I actually feeling right now? Because we can intellectualize some of these emotions and rationalize with it and that's what stunts are healing. It's actually feeling it because, as I say, for healing it's three things the nervous system needs safety to disarm the defense mechanisms so that you can be vulnerable. Three, you need to have radical honesty to face yourself, because we splinter the self into shadows and parts.

Julie Hilsen: 18:54

And to bring it back.

Nat Nat Bedard: 18:56

It's like I don't know if that's safe and I don't know if that's okay. And then you need to feel, and feeling is very threatening, why Most of us, when we were a child, when we walked into a room, we felt, hmm, something's off in this room. Yet the adults or caretakers told us there's nothing wrong, it's all in your head, just never mind, and everything's okay. So you started to not trust what your nervous system and your intuition was telling you of the emotional state in rooms and you started listening to the adults because why would they lie to me? They wouldn't stir me differently. So then you started believing the lie rather than trusting your intuition. So that served you of protecting yourself, because you need to stay attached and you need to have your basic needs met and emotional and psychological and that just started building and building. So then when you become an adult and then you want to be honest with yourself, you have to unravel this lie that was led to you that you don't know how to trust your body.

Nat Nat Bedard: 20:09

You don't know how to trust your emotional states and you've not ever been given a space to feel some big emotions that required co-regulation with another nervous system. How do you feel in your body right now?

Julie Hilsen: 20:29

I'm just taking in your message and you know I'm a little hungry, I mean I'm not like, yeah, yeah, I mean I don't, I don't avoid fear, like I do. I do face it and I, you know, this is this space, is is where I play. You know my curiosity, and so this is a safe place to explore and and, yeah, I try not to talk in absolutes because you can't know everything that somebody's been through. So, yeah, I appreciate your perspective on it, yeah, and I do agree.

Nat Nat Bedard: 21:11

Our nervous systems are all unique and our childhood shaped it in a certain way and a lot of us, like you just said, love and you it's either love or fear, where when the fear is coming up, we get repulsed by it. But that's our human part, like our nervous system needs a certain part of healthy fear in that. Yet, when it's overwhelming is because there's these belief systems. And, as you said, like I, come back to my values. Yet I'm sure in your journey you had to recreate values for yourself and not what was placed on you at an earlier stage or what you created for yourself not questioning the systems, the belief systems, the you know culture.

Julie Hilsen: 22:04

There's so many things that if you look at it and you're like, well, does that work for me? You know, is that serving? Is that serving me? So, yes, I think it's a constant adjustment and you know, just because you picked one thing one day doesn't mean it's going to, it's an absolute right. So I love that. Your practice is tune in what's your nervous system doing and it creates space for everything, because it's all needed, right, like all of this is needed. This isn't about avoiding, this is about unveiling. And what did you say? You need to feel it to.

Nat Nat Bedard: 22:39

You said it earlier. Well, I said the safety for the nervous system, the radical honesty, and feel it to better understand yourself, so you can release it because everything gets blockages and so if you just stuff it, it just blocks the connection, because your body is a transmitter, it's a vessel and your nervous system is needed for that tuning also.

Julie Hilsen: 23:03

So good. That's why sound healing is so wonderful too. And you know, I had a really stressful situation earlier in the week and I just wasn't sure what to do and it was just like, ah, I just didn't like the conflict. I knew I needed to deal with it and I felt it like stirring up in my stomach and I was all in my head trying to solve it and my stomach and my gut I wasn't hungry, I wasn't eating, I was just like ah, and my stomach and gut were just trying to say just move it through. And I did some yoga and I did some movement and I did my crystal bowl and I was like, okay, and all of a sudden it starts, it starts to release. So, um, I love that you're. It's more of a conscious like, really like, sit and look and feel it. I love, I love how you're. You're describing this. Thank you, nanette.

Nat Nat Bedard: 23:56

And the sit, like people think you literally have to sit and it's like no, the body's going to need movement, so it's still staying with the feeling and, if you need to, like you said, the yoga, my biggest thing, what I tell, people dance because the body gets to express in a way that you're not going to intellectualize or rationalize, and it'll have its own expression to move somatically these energies that are in there and I'm not an unclench, we're not really taught to like drop into our body and drop into like the knot or the ache and ask like what's going on? What am I feeling? What is the message you're trying to reveal to me that I'm not willing to listen to or feel, because that's all emotions are are messengers.

Nat Nat Bedard: 24:43

It doesn't mean that you have to follow the direction, like they're just giving you information. So it's like, okay, but if you're not willing to listen to the message, then you're just cramming it down and then you're telling your body certain parts are okay but other parts aren't. So there becomes this disconnection in your body and I parts are okay but other parts aren't. So there becomes this disconnection in your body.

Julie Hilsen: 25:03

And I love how you gave that example. Thank you, yeah, and like. So if someone's having reoccurring headaches, what would you suggest to do? That breathing exercise and then ask you know, get quiet and ask what, what you think the headaches are coming from, and then my the answer would probably come to you if you.

Nat Nat Bedard: 25:25

At times yeah, it'll come to you, I would say, to get into. That is quiet and dark, so that it this, the body, can calm itself and feel a sense of safety and regulation, because the body's giving you a signal for something. If there's a real headache, like there's a signal that something is going on in the body, and so in that it's like okay, breathe and feel into that headache, feel into that pain, and ask, like what are you trying to communicate to me that I may not be willing? Like you mentioned, you had a high stress thing and you didn't want to deal with the conflict and then it started churning and create. Headaches can cause that too.

Nat Nat Bedard: 26:07

Like it's a simple thing of not upholding our boundaries can cause like visceral headaches not negating that it can be something more severe.

Nat Nat Bedard: 26:18

Yet it's recognizing that are you tuning into your body and listening? And it's not a process where it's going to fix you right away, because if you haven't been listening, it's going to take you some time to be able to listen and interact and feel these emotions that are coming up. Yeah, once you start, you're like oh, this is a different way to go. I've been going right all the time. I had no idea I could go left, if that makes more sense. I've been going externally rather than internally and trusting myself and asking the body what are you trying to tell me? What is the signal that's here?

Julie Hilsen: 26:56

And you might even notice when you get quiet that your mouth is dry and you're probably dehydrated. You haven't had any water. You had like four cups of coffee or whatever. You know. Like might be something simple, because you know, I don't know if other people have this, but sometimes I'll feel anxious and I'm not even sure why.

Nat Nat Bedard: 27:15

Yeah, and I have it now that I have a discipline to better understand myself so I can speak to it. Yet I didn't get here like overnight. It took a lot of process of doing meditation and I was doing meditation in the living room with my twin boys that were five at the time so I put myself through the bootcamp of the noise and seeing how the nervous system wants to control and interfere and shut things down and want it and it was like bring it back, bring it back. So then when I get activated, it's like wait, okay, I understand the discipline, feel what, what are you? And sometimes, again, intuition will activate that anxiety for me because my better self, my higher self, is bringing me somewhere that was safe. Yet myself right now is like this is unsafe because you're bringing me somewhere that's unknown.

Nat Nat Bedard: 28:10

And in our past we've experienced pain and we don't want no more pain. Yet, as we know, life has pain. So there becomes this conflict of allowing ourselves just to have that space and grace of having that dialogue, because sometimes it might feel childish or ridiculous or I should know better, and it's like this isn't about knowing better, it's about understanding how to embody things and honoring and respecting your experience, but not being it being dictated and your emotions, you know, hijacking your behavior. It's feel your emotions and then actually look at the behavior and see that we can bring harmony. It's not one or the other. It's not no more I'm going to do a la carte with certain emotions and try to ignore or do some spiritual bypassing. It's actually bringing the harmony of the human experience with the spiritual experience and using that fear in a way that you can ride it rather than be dragged or drowned into it and everything else. Yet that takes a practice of understanding yourself and willing to be curious, because a lot of us have been delivered from our curiosity.

Nat Nat Bedard: 29:27

We go externally for you to tell me the answer rather than checking in first.

Nat Nat Bedard: 29:33

But sometimes we don't want to hear the answer because it's going to require us to do some work and that work is like I don't really want to do that, like I'm really comfortable in this pattern, even though I know it may not be serving me, but the mind loves patterns and so, when you can, and that's what I mean about that radical honesty. The radical honesty doesn't mean, oh, I'm going to be honest about everything and it's going to change everything. No, the radical honesty may be you know what? I want to lose some weight, yet I'm not willing to exercise right now, and that's your honesty. Just be honest of where you are, instead of berating yourself because a part would be well, you're not losing the weight, you're not losing the weight, not wanting to see that, you're not doing the exercise. It's like, just meet yourself where you are with honesty, without berating yourself, because if you're berating, your body is listening to that and it's like, well, I don't want you to feel this way, so let me hide these parts from you, rather than having that radical honesty of you. Know what? This is messy and I got to meet myself and not overwhelm my system.

Nat Nat Bedard: 30:39

Everybody is unique and we're in a society, especially on social media, where people make it seem like it's a snap of a finger You're doing everything wrong, get better, start doing this and it's like you get into this energy of not good enough and you're the donkey chasing the carrot and pushing all kinds of cortisol into your system and not being able to offload that and it's like, oh, I don't even know how to take a breath anymore, because when anxiety starts spiraling it just gets really contagious and it goes and it takes a bit to interrupt that pattern. It's warrior work to interrupt that pattern and engage with it. So when I'm speaking about this, I'm at a place where I can engage with it. Yet I'm living proof that it's possible. And so I bring people in a space where it's bite size. It's an elephant and you cannot eat an elephant in one sitting. It's one bite at a time. Yet allow there to be grace and radical compassion, to understand yourself and see yourself in the whole as a W.

Nat Nat Bedard: 31:50

Bring in those fragmented parts Because, even though they're called shadows, somebody like I have this language, yet he gave a different language where there's the golden side of the shadow. Like your nervous system is always protecting you May not like. Once you see the defense mechanisms, you're like why would I do that to myself? It was all trying to serve you, because it was trying to protect you from feeling certain big emotions or seeing certain things. Yet once you take the accountability of being, having the willingness to see, accept yourself and integrate, because the releasing is, I'm going to integrate this. I'm not going to separate and splinter myself.

Julie Hilsen: 32:39

I love it. I love it. It takes a lot of courage and vulnerability, yeah, and you know it's funny, because I was feeling really bad and I was like you know what? I'm just going to give myself a hug, I just wrap my arms around myself and I just tell myself and I said I am sorry for ignoring you these last couple of days. I have not been eating right, I haven't been drinking enough water and I was just like I laid in the sun and I was just like I am going to do better. I'm sorry, I love you and you know that that dialogue helped me lift a lot of it off. But I think you were picking up on that because I had done that like half hour before we got on this call and I'm willing to share it because I think it's real, it's authentic and you know, even I have a show called Life of Love. But my, you know I cry quite a bit.

Julie Hilsen: 33:37

I, you know I cry quite a bit Like I gotta let stuff out, you know it's like the hard times are there to show you about how good the good times can be, and they're not something to shirk away.

Julie Hilsen: 33:51

It's all serves a purpose and I find that I can stay, I can lift myself up faster when I can just be authentic to how I'm feeling. And yeah, you did catch me by surprise, because I wasn't expecting to get into it. Honestly, I couldn't even think about the situation without crying. For two days I was I shut down. I think that's come a long way.

Nat Nat Bedard: 34:16

But that's your biology protecting you Because so long it was doing a certain pattern and now you're you're, you're changing that pattern. So there's like a dysregulation that goes on and that takes from your neural energy, it takes from your physical energy in the body, because the nervous system's like, are you sure we can do this? Like this is activating some fear, even though logically, like you're like we're going to go beyond this, it still brings up viscerally all this stuff. And then we are given the space to really feel these big emotions and really interact with it and then understand that it's going to take some time to process this. Like, intellectually, we want to be, oh, we got it all figured out and it's just peachy keen and let's go, and it's going to take some time to process this. Like intellectually, we want to be, oh, we got it all figured out and it's just peachy keen and let's go. And it's like, yeah, like there's going to be some days you're going to be doing some bed rot and you're going to Netflix binging and you're going to eat some sugar, anything to be able to soothe the nervous system.

Nat Nat Bedard: 35:17

Yet once you apply your tools, you can come out of that dysregulation more and more that you can ride it instead of being dragged by it. Yet that's why I say the radical compassion, because life is impermanent, like even when you do the healing and say you recognize all your wounds. Well, when you recognize your wounds, it doesn't mean they disappear. They come back and visit. But the thing is, when they visit, are you going to shut the door and be like, no, you can't come back in, or are you going to welcome them in and be like, oh okay, what do you have to offer? Yet no, you don't have control of the wheel. And no, we don't have this. Yet we're all together.

Julie Hilsen: 35:58

I love how you said it. It's like it's like a family reunion, like everybody can come, but you have boundaries and you have, like you said, compassion and it's it's unconditional love, that everything has a purpose, everything has value, just you know. So I love that. It's just such a great message and I appreciate your authenticity about it because I can tell you've worked on it. It's so beautiful, it's so beautiful.

Nat Nat Bedard: 36:30

Well, I want to thank you for your vulnerability. I you know I brought you out to give the relatability so that your audience can really see that you're doing the work. And then once people really see that real work, they're like, oh, it's possible. And that's where I'm like okay, the change is always within us, but we would like the world to change. I would love the world to change because it's a bit of a ish show right now and anybody that's watching things.

Nat Nat Bedard: 36:57

If you're not dysregulated and having anxiety and having heartbreak, you're a little insensitive because there's a lot of things that are going on. So, and especially if you are a person that is very sensitive, it's really disheartening and it's going to activate your anxiety. So I have to work at that sensitivity. When I see things like I deeply can see profound things, so it's like okay, yet Nat, that's not your story being your story, and that is challenging in itself because I'm a helper.

Nat Nat Bedard: 37:28

Also, I was in my fawn of the nervous system the fight, flight, freeze or fawn and the fun part, you know people pleasing and wanting a sense of validation and belonging and that social connection and attachment. So you know, dismantling that and lifting my nervous system up, that you don't have to be in this dysregulated state. Let's come back online that I'm creating the safety in my body. I'm not looking out there for that safety and that sense of validation, yet it's work. I trip up and it comes up and I'm like, oh, you're here again. Okay, the work, your safety, your validation is you, but I don't feel like I'm good enough. I understand that, yet you are and your worth is here, your worth is here.

Julie Hilsen: 38:16

Yes, your divinity, Trust your divinity. And the biggest trigger that I catch myself is I'll start judging and that, when that judgment comes up about how I'm feeling, I know, I know that I'm shutting down and I'm not letting it in because I don't want to be that person you know like. But no, you have, it's part of your field, it's part of something to work through. So, yeah, to me that judgment is a huge billboard that I need to surrender, accept and, you know, give, give a healthy boundary to it. But, like you said, welcome it in the room. I love that analogy, that metaphor, welcome it in the room. I love that analogy, that metaphor, welcome it in the room.

Nat Nat Bedard: 38:59

Yeah, because the judgment is they're trying to protect you also, because there's a big emotion that you don't. Your system feels that you're not able to feel this and you know people think it's just one thing. We're multidimensional, so there's many things that happen, there's many emotions that go on and I think there's also the part where we have this persona of how we're supposed to show up with loving and that we're not supposed to hate. Yet there's some things that you hate in this world. There's some things that you hate. Yeah, you have to let your body express that, but most times we'll be like, no, no, I don't hate, I can't hate, like I'm not to hate, I'm a loving person, let me just love this and have gratitude, and what you're doing is stuffing it in your body rather than, oh, I hate this or I hate that, and just let it have expression and let it out. Don't keep stuffing it in the body and not having an authentic expression, because we have had a lot of harm of. We are supposed to only show up a certain way to have perfection, and that is, you know, pinching people off of being able to be whole with a W.

Nat Nat Bedard: 40:10

Being human is messy and there's a lot of dimensions that go on at the same time and there's context and you can have a dualityity, like there's more than there's end in both and many. You just have that space of radical compassion and have that honesty with yourself and it's going to be visceral and it's going to feel attacking and those are your cues, like if judgment's coming up, or that wonderful inner critic when it starts berating you and talking it's like okay, you're here, what am I avoiding? To feel, what is underneath that Like especially shame and guilt when we're taught like it's such a useless emotion and don't. It's like, okay, well, what's activating it? What's underneath that? And a lot of times it's, you know, feeling helpless, not feeling good enough. So it's like, okay, well, connect into that.

Nat Nat Bedard: 41:03

So you can get profoundly of seeing what the underpinning, what's that undercurrent that's going on, rather than trying to, you know, rationalize yourself out and you need language with this. It's soothing the nervous system, telling yourself that you're calm, having a love language, and there's also a directness of being able to face yourself. Like, come out. There's fear. What is the fearful part that you're afraid to express or talk about? Because, why? Possibly that when we tried to do that, somebody shamed us or belittled us or made us feel that we weren't allowed to have these emotions, so to reconnect into them feels like a real threat and violation.

Julie Hilsen: 41:47

Right, right. So how you mentioned someone to to have someone to co-regulate. What does that look like?

Nat Nat Bedard: 41:56

I'm just curious Well, we showed some of it just now of having a space that somebody can really, you know, ground in your breath, yet having a space where I can feel what's going on and I can express it to you and you're not going to try and change it. And it's very difficult to do that co-regulation if you haven't worked on yourself, because what you have to do is witness pain.

Nat Nat Bedard: 42:20

Regulation if you haven't worked on yourself because what you have to do is witness pain, the person's feeling stuff, and what do we do usually when we see pain? We want to fix it, we want to, and it's like pain is a teacher. So everybody has to go through their pain portal to be able to evolve and have that resilience. So having that space of okay, okay, you know, if a person's having their experience, always giving a challenge of, if you're berating yourself, that's not the way. Where's the context? What are you not feeling? Always recognize the nervous system is in negative bias, so it's trying to protect you. What is it trying to protect you that is so vulnerable that it doesn't think that you're able to feel this?

Julie Hilsen: 43:03

Yeah, and so many times. Once you just feel it, it's not a monster in the room anymore, it's just like the helium went out of the balloon. Maybe we should feel it and then talk about it with, like the Mickey Mouse helium voice you gotta find play.

Nat Nat Bedard: 43:22

You gotta find play with this stuff.

Nat Nat Bedard: 43:24

Yeah, it's just, and laughter is a wonderful somatic release too to see and, you know, be playful with it so the energy can move. Another thing that's good for co-regulating is journaling, so that you can be honest on the paper and if you feel that you know there's deep, dark secrets that we have, that we know the world is judgmental and if we were to release it we would be ostracized or be disconnected from certain people, so write it on paper and then burn it and shred it, but at least it came out and you can see it in writing, like before shredding it, like read it so you can see it, so your perception can shift from what it's only seeing it one way, so that your self-awareness can expand and see all the different parts of the experience, because most times in our experience it's very subjective and we just have blinders and tunnel vision with it. So it's like, okay, if you feel, then you can see all the different parts that come into play with it.

Julie Hilsen: 44:26

Yeah, and you can understand. To me, the huge thing is to understand that I didn't do it by myself Like this. This wasn't just me who created the situation. There are lots of things that played in and I don't have to own it Like I can, I can put it back on the other party, and not that I don't want to be responsible for my actions, but a lot of times it you know it's it's not all to be held on my shoulders. So, uh, yeah, it's I.

Nat Nat Bedard: 44:55

I see where that's going and you are actually being accountable for your actions, because you're recognizing wait, I got to advocate for myself and I haven't done that before.

Julie Hilsen: 45:05

Yeah, and that's like scary, because then you're like I could be rejected, I could be made fun of and all those things.

Nat Nat Bedard: 45:13

And those are the emotions to feel. So that because when you felt those things, you disassociated from your body and it took a while to come back into your body. So it's learning to feel those emotions so you don't dysregulate and that you don't disassociate. Yet when I say this, you're going to disassociate from your body. There's no way to always be in your body with all the experiences that go on from your body. There's no way to always be in your body with all the experiences that go on. It's the journey to come back to recognize oh, I've disassociated. Let me come back.

Nat Nat Bedard: 45:48

What is it that I need to feel? That's why they have all of these different techniques of running your hand under cold water or getting outside or doing exercise to get you back into the body. Because into the moment. That's why I use the breath, because the breath is always in the moment. Yet we don't always pay attention to our breath because we want to stay in our head. It's better to rationalize and play the stories and all this stuff. Yet if you ground yourself in your breath, then it brings you into your body, Then you start feeling and you start to have a relationship with your body.

Julie Hilsen: 46:21

Yeah, go ahead. No, I love how you said to breathe in and out your nose because that regulates your vagus nerve. I did some research on it and there's a really great oxygen advantage program and I bought the whole big book. The biggest message I got was breathe through your nose. It tells your nervous system that you're safe. When you start breathing through your mouth it activates so much self-defense mechanisms and so maybe if the audience listening could just catch themselves if you're breathing with your mouth open. With your mouth open, close your mouth and just do the nasal in and out smoothly to just help yourself regulate. And these are simple little things you can just do and just you know tune into your body a little bit. You know throughout the day Even the whole thing about putting your tongue up against your palate. It helps center your, channel, your it's a neural exercise.

Nat Nat Bedard: 47:24

It's a neural exercise for your nervous system, so that's.

Julie Hilsen: 47:28

Do that, people you got this and there's all these different things.

Nat Nat Bedard: 47:33

That's why I say be curious about your biology. Your nervous system is unique. It was shaped a certain way, yet you can reshape it, like there's neuroplasticity for a reason and that never ends. So it can, it's possible, yet you have to do some work with that and you have to be able to engage in the inner journey and be able to again radical honesty of facing yourself and seeing oh, there's some things that I've created that I thought was a sense of protection, which it's actually dimming me and it's like draining out my energy, and I'm supposed to be here to enjoy my life and have joy.

Nat Nat Bedard: 48:13

I also want to put one more disclaimer in this Healing. When we're talking about all this, privilege has a big part on this, because if people are in survival mode all the time and they're trying to get to all this and they're like I can't, it's easy for you to say, yes, privilege has a big part on this. So when people are like, oh, just do this, and that it's like you know what, you can say that when you have no worries about finances, you know where your food's going, where your shelter's going. That isn't the case for everybody and most times people can have access to these podcasts and these conversations. So I want to make sure that you know we put in there that privilege has a big benefit of this and the more that you do your inner work, that privilege opens up for yourself that maybe your environment or your circumstances don't change yet the way that you show up does, and the way that you relate with yourself does, and that is the biggest thing.

Julie Hilsen: 49:12

Huge, I mean because joy, joy doesn't come from anything outside of you, it's the way you're being yeah, doesn't come from anything outside of you, it's the way you're being yeah. So if you're feeling unsatisfied with anything, that's a huge sign. There's something you're avoiding to see, you're not being your light. That's a huge sign. Oh, it's so good, it's so good. Nat, nat, I love it. Yeah, you too. We were going to talk about like mother Nat, and we were gonna, yeah, you too, we were gonna talk about like mother shame, and we were gonna talk about all these different things, but we went deep. We went deep. Girl, you're gonna have to come back on again it would be a privilege, it would be.

Nat Nat Bedard: 49:50

I love when I can do a deep dive and especially when we can be vulnerable, like I understand that I have. You know the techniques and in the space to guide people. Yet I also am transparent of showing my own journey like there's no arrival. I'm still a work in progress and have to. I cultivated these tools and I continuously have to use it Because there's not this. Oh, I already got in, everything's going to be cool. No, I cultivated these tools so I can continuously use it so that when emotions come up, that I can get my mental state in a certain way and I don't go back into these patterns of being stuck in the, the darkness and in the muck and it's like and it's needed because I'm okay with playing in the shadows and and being there.

Nat Nat Bedard: 50:38

I also know that I am the light in those shadows that we can forget, and it's nowhere to negate anybody that I want to bring another one where there's suicidal ideation, there's a lot of pain, portals because of grief, and so I want to meet you there also and honor you in that warrior work that you're experiencing and you know the your world has been shattered and you're not knowing how to go through that pain, because now it's creating suffering and not knowing how to release that suffering. So I just want to meet people wherever they are, and not just that, because I think this toxic positivity has harmed a lot of people and when they're trying to find the resources, there's not a space to really can you meet me where I am, rather than telling me that I'm not doing it the right way or that you don't have understanding? So I just wanted to put that out there also.

Julie Hilsen: 51:38

Yeah, absolutely. I appreciate that. You said that it's so important. I was feeling so bad about my situation and I forgot to ask my angels to help me and they were like I was getting text messages from friends that the angels were trying to tell me. I had two friends reach out. They're like what's going on? Your feathers are ruffled. I'm like I didn't post anything. Nobody knows what I'm going through. I'm having a deep, dark night of the soul by myself, crying in my room. Leave me alone. The angels are like you have resources, come, exactly, but I will. I'll just go there and just you know, I went on the golf course and I just snotty teared up because I knew no one was on the golf course at the time. I sat in front of the pond and just let it out, you know, because just needed to come out, and so, yeah, I get that and I think that I had to go through that so I'd remember how important being the light is.

Nat Nat Bedard: 52:39

Yeah and we need those moments where because you know to be very vulnerable, sometimes that's really threatening to our system. So to share that to somebody else, I don't feel safe to really be naked with my rawness, so I just have to let it out. And also, we've been sometimes conditioned that when, especially girls, if you were crying too much, go to your room or go somewhere else or we were called something to cry baby or too emotional. So in that, when we feel this deep, it's like I don't know if I can feel safe for you to witness me with this, and so that's another process too. So it's meeting ourselves. Yeah, when you can do that, like that's warrior work that you're doing, that you're able to really allow yourself to release and feel it and then come back on. Okay, what? How am I going to show up Like I process my shit?

Julie Hilsen: 53:32

You just took the words out of my mouth. I was like, yeah, I needed to show up. I got to figure out how to be, you know, and and be be who I want to be and show up how I want to be. Like yeah, shit happens, you know. Like, yeah, beautiful, oh, nat, nat, thank you so much. I really appreciate it.

Nat Nat Bedard: 53:51

You're welcome, it's been a delight. I love when, like I said, I can interact and do these deep dives and we can connect energetically.

Julie Hilsen: 54:01

Yeah, and I do want to give a shout out to your podcast, lift One Self. I think it's just absolutely your soul's mission, because it's all what you're about. It's everything you've talked about today. So, yeah, if people want to check out your podcast, I always want to share. You know you're doing amazing content over there too, and thanks for the collaboration.

Nat Nat Bedard: 54:21

I just wish you all the best thank you, I appreciate it, julie, and if anybody felt you know any kind of opening with my dialogue, I also have a website and I offer one-on-one sessions, so they can reach me at liftoneselfcom and or they can find me on social medias, because I leave affirmations and different tidbits so that I can meet a person where they are and remind them that they're not alone in the journey, that we can create a community of safety in this yay awesome.

Nat Nat Bedard: 54:53

Thank you thank you please remember to be kind to yourself.