Certain Success™ Podcast

How to Overcome Everything with Amberly Lago

September 26, 2023 • Matt Fagioli • Episode 20

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Life is a journey filled with unexpected challenges, and at times, it can feel like you're facing insurmountable obstacles.

Yet, there are individuals who not only overcome adversity but also emerge stronger, wiser, and more resilient than ever.

Take Amberly Lago as an example, whose incredible journey serves as a beacon of hope and a source of inspiration for many.

In this episode, we'll delve into Amberly's remarkable life experiences and extract some invaluable lessons on how to conquer whatever life tosses your way. From a life-threatening accident to chronic pain, her story reminds us that with faith in God, determination, and resilience, we can overcome seemingly impossible obstacles.

Tune in now, and get ready to be inspired!

Specifically, this episode highlights the following themes:

  • Amberly Lago's journey of recovery, reinvention, and resilience
  • Recognizing the importance of self-awareness and improvement
  • Advice to prioritize health with small achievable goals

Links from this episode:

Amberly Lago [00:00:00]:

I think when you're passionate about something and you stay consistent and you go above and beyond, which, you know, a lot of people just do what's necessary to kind of get by. And if you go beyond what's expected and show up for others, then it's a matter of time before you're going to have successful.

Matt Fagioli [00:00:26]:

Today, I am having an awesome conversation with a relatively new friend who I saw at an event in Dallas not that long ago. Heard her speak, fell in love with her story and the brightness of her smile and just the way she carries herself through life. And so excited to welcome Amberly Lago. How are you?

Amberly Lago [00:00:51]:

Hey, thanks so much for having me on. It's so good to see you again.

Matt Fagioli [00:00:55]:

Yeah, man. Well, the event that we were both at in Dallas was a powerful day or week, really. And I've talked about it so many times to so many people, but God was in that room and moved in some ways and in some hearts that I think it caught some people by surprise, actually. The way that whole thing went, myself included, so it was fun.

Amberly Lago [00:01:26]:

There were some amazing speakers, right? Brandon Burchard. Erwin of course, Ken. It was his event, and he had it in a church. I mean, it didn't look like the kind of churches that I grew up going to. It looked like an event center. I mean, it was beautiful, but for sure the Holy Spirit was present there. And it was just such an amazing event and such good energy, and I made so many amazing connections, including you. So thank you again.

Matt Fagioli [00:01:58]:

Yeah, it was awesome. Well, I said I was captivated with your story, and of course, you speak on stages all over the country and probably all over the world telling that story, but I really wanted to share it with the certain success audience and just the power that you displayed in persevering through your accident. So I don't want to steal your glory, but will you please just kind of share your story a little bit of what you've been through in this last season and how you've overcome that?

Amberly Lago [00:02:36]:

Yeah, well, first of all, I never, ever imagined that I would be speaking all over the world on stages and sharing the stage with people that I've looked up to for years, like Brandon Bursh, Mylette, and so many other speakers. I really, really never imagined that my life was so different. Twelve years ago, I was in the fitness industry for 26 years, and I loved it. I had a successful career before that. I was a professional dancer and then a successful career as a fitness leader. I had employees that I trained. I used to teach people how to get certified and run fitness businesses, and I loved it, but it was pretty comfortable, like I was making good money and I wasn't really jumping out of my comfort zone. And life was good. And it all changed in the blink of an eye, as I think we've all seen in the past few years anyway, with how quickly things can change. But for me, I was coming home from work and it was a holiday weekend and I jumped on my Harley and I was just cruising down the boulevard and I see this SUV, and I think this SUV sees me. And I realized, it's too late. He shot out of a parking lot. And the only thing that I could do in that moment was think about letting off the clutch and jumping off my bike. And I got T boned. So basically crushed, then thrown 30ft. And I remember just sliding down the road on my back and I couldn't tell what I was sliding into. And I was just thinking, oh, please God, just don't let me hit another car. I couldn't tell if I was sliding into oncoming traffic or what. Luckily, I slid down the center divider. And looking back, there were so many things that I just know that I had guardian angels looking over me because as soon as I looked down at my leg, because I immediately had pain, I looked down and it was just crumbled into pieces and my foot was dangling off. There was blood everywhere. I had no idea at the time that my femoral artery was actually severed. And people weren't running towards me, they were walking slowly. One lady passed out when she looked at me, but there was a man who ran over and he saved my life because right away he ripped off his belt, made a tourniquet on my leg. And then this lady approached me and she kneeled in front of me and she grabbed my hands and she said because I was screaming, I was screaming some cuss words and thinking my Methodist mama would not be proud of me right now. But I could not control myself because the pain was so intense. And this lady was a nurse and she said, I'm a nurse. I need you to breathe with me. Kind of like I had learned when I learned how to do La Maz for labor. But this was definitely the worst pain, harder than giving birth. And I did that with not any drugs or anything like that, any medication. And so paramedics got there pretty quick. In fact, they were right down the street. They heard the accident and were running towards me before they even got the call. And luckily, because you can bleed out pretty quick when your femoral artery is severed. So I get to the hospital and Matt, it was chaotic in the hospital. There were cops everywhere. My husband was a lieutenant commander, and news travels fast and the brotherhood and sisterhood of the police force. And so it was chaotic. And I realize I hear this crying wailing and it's my husband. I had never seen him cry and he was hysterical. And in that moment, I thought, oh, my gosh, I think I'm dying. And I thought, well, if I'm not going to live through this, I need to know that he's going to be able to pull it together and take care of our two kids. And I yelled across the er. I was like, honey, I need you to get over here and be strong for me. And he held my hand, and that was the last thing I remember before I was put into induced coma. And when I woke up out of a coma, the first thing I learned was they said, we are so sorry. Your leg is like a war wound. There is nothing we can do for you. We're going to have to amputate it. You only have a 1% chance of saving your leg. And when I heard that, I thought, okay, well, so there's a chance. So you're saying there's a chance. I need to find a doctor who's willing to take that chance with me. And so my husband signed papers when I was in a coma. They were going to just go ahead and amputate it, and he said, absolutely not. I want her to wake up with both of her legs, and I want that to be her decision. And so when I woke up and said, I want to fight for my leg, he signed papers for that doctor who wanted to amputate, not to be able to operate on me at all. It took an act of God, I mean, pulling a lot of strings. And I got transferred to a hospital, Cedars, where I had Dr. Don Wis perform 34 surgeries to finally, piece by piece, put my leg back together and save my leg. And I really thought, okay, well, the worst is over. I got through that. And I'm an athlete. I know that. You just work hard, you get your rest, you heal, you recover, you get better, you move on. Only thing was, my pain seemed to be getting worse. But as an athlete and dancer, I was taught to push through pain, like, to suck it up. Like, in Texas, we had sayings, like, cowgirl up and suck it up, know, hide your crazy and be a lady. So I was like, I'm going to push through this. And I had a doctor's appointment. This was about four and a half months after my accident. And I thought, I am upright on crutches because I'd been completely bedridden, using a bedpan, having to depend on others to carry my bedpan for me. And I thought, I'm finally upright on crutches. This doctor, he's going to be so proud of me. And I walked into his office, and he took one look at me, examined me, and he ran out of the room. And I looked at my husband, and I thought, well, that's not the reaction that I was hoping for. And he comes back and he says, are you the kind of girl that likes to push through pain? And I said, well, yes, sir, I am. And he said, well, you need to stop. You need to stop right now. You've got something very serious. And my thought was like, oh, my gosh, yeah, I got hit by an SUV. It was kind of serious. But look at me. I'm upright. He goes, no, you have an incurable disease. It's called complex regional pain syndrome. And your life is never going to be the same. Same. You're going to be in constant, chronic pain. You need to go home and get back in your wheelchair. And I said, okay, well, for how long? And he said, forever. He said, there's no known cure. Oh. I felt like I had been kicked in the gut, like I had been served a life sentence. And of course, I went home and started googling it, and that was even more depressing because you see horrible pictures and that you could lose the limb that it could spread to other body parts. I decided in that moment, well, I'm going to go back to physical therapy. And so I went to physical therapy, and he said, amberly, what are you doing here? You don't even have an appointment today. And I said, I know I don't, but I've just learned something. And if I want to have the life that I've always imagined, I'm going to have to work harder than I've ever worked before, not realize how hard that was going to be. And it's been a road of recovery. And along this road of recovery, I've reinvented myself and my career. I've learned to accept all the scars and look down at them as growth and strength instead of shame. I've learned how to be resilient, both mentally, spiritually, and physically. And I think that sometimes our darkest moments, our most challenging times, can actually bring the biggest blessings in our life. My story, so others know that they can times. And I show my scars so others know that they can heal. So if you're listening right now and you're thinking, well, I've never been hit by an SUV, well, I think all of us have been hit by something in the last couple of years, for sure. And I just want to say that there are absolutely ways to get through challenges and not just survive, but to thrive, even living with pain.

Matt Fagioli [00:11:35]:

That's amazing. Yeah. And I think it's easy for most of us that are normal humans to just say, well, okay, I'm going to do that. I'm going to lay down. I'm going to lose my leg. I'm going to go along. I'm going to comply, whatever it is. And for you to just have that much grit to use your I know that's part of the name of your podcast, grit and Grace. For you to have the grit and grace to make those choices is just unbelievable. Well, keep going. Tell me what happened next. You're in the therapy. And how far from the accident was that?

Amberly Lago [00:12:12]:

Well, I started doing physical therapy, actually, in the hospital, and then five days a week when I got out of the hospital. And I share this because I feel blessed that I grew up an athlete. And I knew that how moving your body helps move your mood, how it releases endorphins and makes you feel stronger and more confident. And so when I was in the hospital bed, in the hospital, because I had a hospital bed set up in our living room as well, but in the hospital, I asked the doctors and they thought I was crazy. I was like, I'm going to need a pull up bar installed over my bed because I may not be able to get out of this bed, but at least I can do pull ups and keep my upper body strong and be able to lift myself off of my bedpan so the nurses don't have to do it. And I asked a client to bring me some dumbbells. I'm sorry? I asked one of my friends that was a trainer to bring me some dumbbells. And so I think he stole the dumbbells from the gym. I never gave those back, but he brought them. And I was doing curls and doing whatever I could in between surgeries. Not necessarily that I was like, oh, I want to be big and strong. I just knew that if I was doing something that was positive, that it was going to be moving me in the right direction. And I think that everything that we do is either helping us or hurting us. And so I focused on how could I get better physically, how could I get better mentally, and gratitude really helped me with that. So having a gratitude practice really shift my perspective. It really made me focus on all the things that I had instead of focusing down on my leg and wondering if, is today the day that they're going to amputate? Am I going to wake up from the surgery? And then spiritually, I couldn't get through this without God on my side and the importance of connection and community. I couldn't do any of this alone. I think your hard work puts you where your blessings can find you. And I had the most amazing clients that were I had loved on them and cared for them and trained them and worked with them for so long. And so when I was down and out, they showed up for me. And I think I needed them more than they needed me. I needed a purpose. And so also, something that really helped me when I was at my lowest point was I would do whatever I could to be of service to others. And I've had people go, well, how could you be of service to others when you were stuck in a hospital bed? And I'm like, well, I could make a phone call. I was listening to the nurses. They would pour their heart out to me, cry sometimes being stressed, tell me personal stuff, and I would listen and offer advice and suggestions. I was even given the nurses exercise tips. Like, I had a nurse go, well, they found out I was a fitness instructor. They're like, well, how do I get a better booty? So I was doing whatever I could to really get better mentally, physically and spiritually. And I think that's key. I think that it starts with mindset, and it's very important. Resilient people know the importance of focusing on the right thing. And gratitude helped me focus on the right thing because I could sit here and tell you that, oh, it was just easy for me to focus on the right things. It was hard. And some days it still is hard. I still get caught up sometimes in worrying about stuff or feel anxiety or get anxious. And then I have developed tools to help me get through that. And I think it's important to know what your values are. It's important to know what your non negotiables are, and it's important to know what is going to help you stay grounded, centered in your faith and intentional about your goals. And for me, that is, even if I have to wake up an hour earlier or an hour and a half earlier to set my day with like, a morning ritual so I can have a better day, then it's worth it.

Matt Fagioli [00:16:37]:

You said something there that I want to key in on about non negotiables, and I call those irreducible minimums, but I want to know, to the extent that you're comfortable sharing them, what are your non negotiables?

Amberly Lago [00:16:55]:

Well, it really became clear to me about two years ago what my non negotiables were because of the pain of this nerve disease. I was trying every kind of treatment. I mean, I had done ketamine infusions spinal blocks, spinal stimulator, eastern Western medicine. At one point I was on 73 homeopathic pills and eleven prescription medications, and nothing was working except for drinking. Drinking seemed to help me kind of numb out my pain. And I knew that that wasn't the healthiest thing to do. But I was so desperate to get out of pain, it was like I wanted to scream uncle, like, just help me. And I knew. I remember thinking, well, if the doctors just told me to have a glass of wine and that'll help numb out that pain, it also helped me stuff down my feelings. And that worked until it didn't. And by the grace of God, I got sober in 2016, and I had five and a half years of sobriety. And I didn't realize that I was letting some non negotiable slide, like, oh, I missed my workout today. Oh, well, it's just one day I missed. Oh, I skipped my gratitude journal. Oh, I forgot to start my day with prayer, all the little things. And I lost my sobriety for a day. Thank God that I knew I needed to get back in a twelve step. I called my sponsor the next day and told her I really messed up and I had so much shame and disappointment in myself, but it taught me a huge lesson. And that lesson is how important sobriety is to me. So my non negotiables are moving my body because it moves my mood. Even if that means a quick 30 minutes workout, or even if that means a ten minute workout. Prayer. I start my day with prayer. I even have a prayer warrior. I have a friend that I call my prayer warrior, and she leaves me prayers on my phone through a text memo, voice memo. Almost every day my gratitude practice. And I say practice because sometimes it's hard to be grateful when you're really struggling. But I promise, when you start to focus on what you're grateful for, you can't be sad or worried when you're in gratitude. And so I have a group of ladies, we call ourselves the God Squad. And we text, we have an app that we use and it makes it super easy. I go in and type up ten things I'm grateful for and I send that to my group text thread. And it's one thing to feel it, to write it down, but to share it and then read somebody else's gratitude, it just starts your day off in the best way. So also doing things to be of service, like I reach out to at least one person. I set my goal for three people a day to reach out to and check in with and tell them what what, why I'm grateful for that person. And then really setting before I open my phone, before I scroll through Instagram or Facebook or check my email, I start my day with just a short reading. And it's usually something in like a twelve step reading or a spiritual book, but those things help me stay grounded, they help me feel good. And it may seem like a lot to do all these things, but you have to do what works for you. And I take it seriously because look, all of this seems like a lot, but it's a heck of a lot easier than a life of misery. And in fact, I just got back in town. I was speaking at an event in Era and one of the other speakers and I she's one of my best friends, we shared a room and it was getting kind of late, and she goes, what time are you waking up tomorrow? And I said, oh, I'm waking up at five. And she goes, oh no, move that back to we don't have to wake up till like 630. And I was like, no, I'm waking up at five. I said I'll be quiet. I'll sneak out. But I need to start my day with gratitude. Get my workout, drink my gut health supplement so I can have a good day. And so even if I'm on vacation or if I got a busy day with an event, no matter what, I hit those non negotiables because it guarantees I might come up against challenges, but I'm going to get through them easier.

Matt Fagioli [00:21:49]:

I love that. Yeah. And I think that at least my experience with the morning schedule is that it sounds like a lot. What you just laid out sounds like a lot to somebody who maybe doesn't have that regimen. But the way I arrived at it was one layer at a time. I don't know if that's true for you, but it doesn't seem like a lot now to have. I could lay out 3 hours for you. That's pretty much the same every single day. But it doesn't start out like that. It just starts out with show up for 15 minutes, but then you realize that, oh, if I put this piece in, then that's just another anyway. And next thing you know, you end up with a morning full of that stuff. And so, I don't know, I guess I just encourage people to start somewhere, start little with that 15 minutes of gratitude or 15 minutes of prayer and then go up from there. I've gotten increasingly weirder. Like I get up earlier and earlier and earlier, which screws up some things later in the day, but I just am in love with that time. Sometimes two, three in the morning and old man getting older and weirder. But it came from that adding on layers of practice that you're talking about anyway.

Amberly Lago [00:23:06]:

Yeah, and I mean, I just had a client of mine, she's like, well, my business is going good, but I'm ready to take my health back. And I'm like, well, what's stopping you from putting your health first? I said, Because your impact is only as strong as you are healthy. I said, So why don't you start by snacking on exercises? She goes snacking on exercises. I'm like, yeah, little small snacks throughout the day. Maybe you get up from your desk and you do 20 squats. And she's like, no, I'm not looking for short, I'm looking for the marathon. And I said, well, if you're looking for the marathon before you've even started to do a walk around the block, you're never going to get there. It's important to start with small attainable goals. And so if you're looking to start a morning ritual and do what makes you feel good, like it makes me feel good to be in nature. I actually feel closest to God when I'm in nature. And so if that's five minutes of reading and journaling, if it's five minutes of moving your body, it will still change your mood. It will move your mood. And so, like you said, building up on those things but yeah, I take one step at a time, one day at a time. And my husband, sometimes he'll ask me something. He'll like, so what's that event that you're doing in a couple of weeks? I'm like, Honey, I haven't even got there yet. I was like, I'm doing this event today, and then I'm doing this event on the weekend. And so that's just me. I have a big whiteboard with everything listed, but I have to focus on one thing at a time. I've got Add and OCD, and I can get really lose my focus. And so it's so important for me to have that morning time and to make a list and check off things, or else I'll be like, oh, squirrel. Oh, I smell something baking.

Matt Fagioli [00:25:14]:

That's awesome. I want to ask you too. So since your car accident or your motorcycle accident, and now you've become this big national speaker and all that, had you done any of that before that?

Amberly Lago [00:25:26]:

I think it's interesting. I was just telling a client of mine this morning, I told her, I said, I think that growing up with a great mentor and being a professional dancer and having a great dance instructor, who taught me, she was my first mentor, really, and I didn't even know what mentor was. But she taught me more than just how to be a dancer. She taught me how to show up in life, and she taught me how to be a professional, and she taught me how to run a business. And so I'll be forever grateful for her to her. And so I just did a speaking event last week, and man, anything that could go wrong went wrong. My mic wasn't working. I guess the battery pack was dying. And so when you're speaking, you've got and I learned how to be on stage from being a dancer. Like, I knew how to show up. And just if my dance teacher used to say, you know what? If you screw up, keep going. Don't make a big out of it. Like, the show must go on. Just keep a smile on your face and keep going. And so I'm on the stage, and you've got a confidence monitor which shows you your slides. You've got a screen, and this is all downstage. You've got a screen where the AV is typing and talking to me as I'm speaking, and then you have another screen that is a clock. That's like a timer counting down how much more you have your time on the stage. And so I'm like, okay, my mic is going out, and I'm trying to keep talking, and I look and AV's texting me, walk over to the podium and speak. So I'm like, okay, hey, guys, I'm going to come over to the podium. And I'm like, oh, I feel so official over here. And I literally I don't know if it was a guy or girl or who it was, but somebody literally came on stage, changed out my battery pack, and did while I'm in mid speed. And I just kept talking. And I see on the screen, it says, you're free to walk around now. So I kind of glanced down, saw that, kept going. And I told my client this morning, I said, I think that having that dance instructor teach me how to show up as a professional on stage has really helped me. But I had never done any public speaking at all. The only thing that I'd really done is I started teaching dance when I was 13. And then when I moved to La. I was teaching dance, teaching aerobics classes, and I would do things like I would go into UCLA and teach the dance department about injury prevention. So I had experience being in front of people teaching, but not in front of a stadium of people or a TEDx. My TEDx Talk, that was one of my very first talks I ever did. So I kept having people ask me to come speak to their networking events or their empowerment group or their event. And so I went to somebody who specialized in teaching you how to put together a talk. And I share that because I think it's very important that whatever it is, whatever goal that you have for yourself, to, as my friend Greg Reed always says, seek counsel, not opinion. So go to someone who has had a successful career. If you want to be a speaker, go to someone who speaks all over the country or all over the world. If you want to be an author, go to someone who has written books. If you want to be a top coach, go to someone who is coaching coaches and has had a successful career in coaching. I think it's really important. I think it's important to invest in yourself. I'm a coach, and I have a coach. I mentor people, and I have a mentor. And with everything that I've done, with every career that I've had, when I became a fitness instructor, I had someone that was an incredible mentor that showed me how to run my business, and then I could carry that on, and it's the same. What I do in my Mastermind now is I teach other women how to put together talks, how to show up on stage, how to write their book and get it published, how to start their own podcast, how to really build their personal brand. Because I have built this business from the ground up by sharing my story. And it's possible for anybody to do that because we all have a story to share. And I was late in the game doing this. I think I was 48 when I did my first big talk, the TEDx. And so I'm just blessed that I get to do this. I can't believe it. I called my sponsor on the way home from this last event. And I said, I can't believe I get paid to do this. Can you believe it that I get paid to do this? I didn't start doing this for the money. I did this so I could impact people in a positive way and share hope and inspiration. And I said, I'm kind of pinching myself that I get to do this. And so I think when you're passionate about something and you stay consistent and you go above and beyond, which a lot of people just do what's necessary to kind of get by, and if you go beyond what's expected and show up for others, then it's a matter of time before you're going to have success.

Matt Fagioli [00:31:22]:

Man, that is awesome. And I can't tell you, you wouldn't believe how much everything you just said resonates with me. And I think we're in the middle of a movement where people are going to find their voice. There are people like you and I that I kid and say we like to hear the sound of our own voice. But I think that it's a real change in the season back to what's happened in the last couple of years, that I think we're going to see tons of people activate their voice and step forward with the true voice that's deep within them, that maybe they need a major life event to unlock it, but maybe they don't. Maybe there's a lot of people that are just going to say, you know what? I'm just tired of living half a life, and I'm going to go speak in my true voice.

Amberly Lago [00:32:11]:

Yeah, I think that's important. But I have to tell you, this sounds bad, but I don't really like listening to the sound of my own voice. I don't know what it is. It's hard. After my Ted Talk was published know, they sent me a message, said, oh, your Ted Talk is live. You can see it. It's all over YouTube. It took me days before I could actually watch that talk.

Matt Fagioli [00:32:40]:

Wow.

Amberly Lago [00:32:41]:

And I know it's crazy. I'm like, oh, my gosh, that's what I sound like. I have an accent. That's wild. But I think it's important for us to watch and listen so we can improve sometimes. It goes back to my days of dancing when our dance teacher would say, your arms, you have spaghetti arms. Strengthen your arms. Hold your core upright. And I'd be like, I am. And I would go back, and she's like, I'm going to video you all, and I need you to watch it. And I would watch the video and go, oh, wow, look at my spaghetti arms. Yeah, I need to get those stronger. And so it's like, with anything, if we watch ourself, we can continue to grow and learn and improve.

Matt Fagioli [00:33:34]:

Well, Amberly, like I said, I love your story. I now have heard it two or three times, and I love it even more. I'm so grateful to you for sharing it with us and just for the way you carry your voice out in the world. And like I said, I think it's inspiring. You said you don't like to hear your own voice, but lots of other people are inspired by your voice, so I'm grateful. Thanks for sharing it with certain success.

Amberly Lago [00:34:03]:

Thank you. Thank you so much for having me on. And I would love to give your listeners a gift so they can tap into their own superpower resilience. It's a free downloadable playbook and it's got my pacer methodology in it. So if you're struggling with anything or anxious or sad or filled with worry, if you just text the word grit grit to 818-214-7378 just the word grit, you'll get your free downloadable playbook, and I hope that you take that and implement it into your life so you can get through challenges and thrive.

Matt Fagioli [00:34:46]:

That's awesome. Thank you so much. And Amberly, how do people connect with you? What's the best know?

Amberly Lago [00:34:53]:

You can find out all information about my upcoming events, my book, my podcast, True Grit and Grace, my Mastermind and all that we do, the in person events we do for the Mastermind. It's called unstoppable lifemastermind@amberlylago.com. And you can also just contact me through there. And I usually know my little shenanigans and my story on Instagram and Amberlylago motivation. And please reach out and say hello. It's my favorite thing to do, is connect. So, yeah. Thank you again for having me on.

Matt Fagioli [00:35:31]:

Absolutely. Thanks so much for being here. I hope you will come back soon.

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