Unleash Your Mindpower: Steph & Shay's Journey to Success - Episode 12

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Are you ready to increase your mental toughness and emotional resilience? Join me as I sit down with Stéph & Shay, world-renowned authors, speakers, and resilience coaches.

Stéph & Shay are the authors of the Wall Street Journal Bestselling book Master Your Mindpower. Apple News recently featured them as the World’s #1 Resilience Coaches. They help business leaders and high performers increase their mental toughness and emotional resilience. 

Their book, Master Your Mindpower, was a 12-year research project studying the thought patterns and behaviors of Professional Athletes, Navy SEALs, Army Rangers, and the most successful people in the world, many of whose names you know. Stéph & Shay embarked on a mission to discover what made these super resilient and super successful people tick. How did they think? How did they behave? How did they become so resilient? How did they create so much success?

Well, as the old saying goes, “Success leaves clues.” Stéph & Shay quickly noticed simple mindset strategies and techniques employed by these elite performers, which propelled them to become the world's foremost achievers. Now, they want to share everything they learned with you so that you can perform at an elite level and achieve massive success.

Stéph & Shay’s mission is to positively impact the lives of 1 Billion people by helping them increase their mental toughness and emotional resilience. They are already well on their way to doing that with the help of their book and their revolutionary Mindpower programs.

Their flagship development program, Mindpower Breakthrough, is a powerful transformational experience that takes the ethereal and feel-good aspects of personal development and gives them substance and scientific backing and provides a step-by-step process that leaves you with a clear understanding of how to implement the strategies discussed.

Tune in to today’s episode and gain invaluable insights and practical tools to learn how to strengthen your mental toughness, increase your emotional resilience, and navigate life's challenges with clarity and purpose.

MindpowerBook.com
@stephandshay
stephandshay.com

Transcript

Thebrandonthornhill (00:00.842)
Hey, what's up everybody. Welcome to the journey to win podcast. I'm your host Brandon Thornhill. You guys know we bring in some of the top people to help you guys with what we talk about the five S faith, family fitness, finance, and future self. And, um, and I have some very close friends on the call today that, you know, I'm really excited to bring to you because, you know, I've known them for a few years now and, and, um, and I actually met them and I'm going to tell you guys a story here in a second. I met them a few years ago where we ran a big event for our team.

Thebrandonthornhill (00:30.09)
And we brought them out to be the mindset, the mind power coaches, uh, for our whole organization. As you guys know, I run a big direct sales team and not only did they deliver, but they way over delivered and they continue to do that. So Steph and Shay, I'm going to give you guys a quick intro, but welcome to the call. I'm excited to have you guys on the call today.

Steph Shay (00:48.433)
Yeah, awesome to be here. Awesome to be here. Thanks for having us, buddy.

Thebrandonthornhill (00:51.494)
Awesome, man. Well guys, it gives me pleasure to introduce, you know, my, my good friends, um, Steph and Shay, uh, it was a chef idol, chef idol. Yeah. Tough name to say, uh, they're the number one international bestselling authors of the book master your mind power. It's the wall street journal USA today, Barnes and Noble Amazon bestseller. Apple news recently featured them as a world's number one resilience coaches. Uh, they help business leaders in high performance.

Steph Shay (01:02.375)
Yeah, you nailed it.

Thebrandonthornhill (01:18.838)
or high performers increase their mental toughness and emotional resilience. Uh, guys, as you guys know, um, you know, that's what this is about. And, and, you know, I want you guys to real quick, just tell me, because I remember when I first saw your guys's book and when we were looking to bring you guys to, you know, out to our team, you guys said you're the number one mind power coaches and I said, what does that mean?

Steph Shay (01:42.409)
Yeah, I remember like it was yesterday. Yeah, so when we talk about mind power we talk about it being where mental toughness and emotional resilience converge and mental toughness being an unwavering strength of mind and Emotional resilience is not being a prisoner to your negative emotions, right? Like anger sadness fear not good enough guilt shame jealousy self-doubt and a lot of people are shackled by these emotions Anxiety that's a big one especially to

Steph Shay (02:11.113)
And so true emotional resilience, we break down emotional resilience a whole nother level too. There's situational resilience, and there's core resilience. Situational resilience being one where you are in a situation where say there's stress, there's anxiety, or you're in distress, or what have you, and you can almost turn your mind into becoming your best friend rather than your worst enemy.

Steph Shay (02:36.625)
just almost with a switch, like doing something which I know you know well because the Navy SEALs do it and have been doing it for a long time, doing a technique like box breathing just to calm the mind, calm the body, chill out, lower the blood pressure. These are situational resilience techniques, which are great, they work. Situation to situation, right? There's also core resilience, which is when an individual has identified all of their hardships in their life and rather than looking at

Steph Shay (03:03.501)
each of these hardships as wounds that need to heal. They look at them as opportunities for growth, blessings, and things that fuel their resilience. And so take all that together, that's mind power. Somebody who's mastered their mental toughness, they've mastered their emotional resilience, and they're unwavering. Things don't bother them, you know? Like things don't really affect them, or if things are, they can get over it quickly.

Thebrandonthornhill (03:29.662)
I love that. And you know, I think one thing that most people are lacking today is emotional maturity. And it sounds like it sounds like you guys are really helping people grow their emotional maturity levels because you're identifying some of the weak points or like what you guys might call running parachutes, which which we'll get into. And then tactics to help them get out of that, right? Let me talk about that a little bit.

Steph Shay (03:35.394)
Oh my god.

Steph Shay (03:45.245)
Yep. Yeah.

Steph Shay (03:49.617)
Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, totally. I think, I mean, obviously EQ is all the rage right now. Everybody's talking about EQ, emotional intelligence, and there's certain aspects of that that I think are very surface level. They're more situational. The thing that a lot of people don't wanna get into because they're scared of it, funny that's running parachute in and of itself, being scared, but is they don't wanna face their demons. One of my mentors,

Steph Shay (04:17.897)
quite a few years back was like, everybody's trying to run away from their demons to make them go away, but you need to stop, turn around and hug your demons. And actually acknowledge them and then learn from them, right? And then embrace all that has occurred and all that you learned from your demons. Then they go away. And then that is what creates emotional maturity. Otherwise you think about, I mean, key word, key phrase, emotional maturity, it's about understanding anger.

Steph Shay (04:45.585)
Like, by the way, anger is one of the most misunderstood emotions that exists. There's the New Age movement, and I'm not throwing the baby out with the bathwater, but there's a lot of memes propagated by the New Age movement that's created a lot of placidity and docile-ness, and it drives us nuts, and it's causing people to be actually more emotional immature. It's things like, don't be negative, or don't do anger. Actually, anger is a very powerful emotion. It just needs to be channeled and used with a cool head. So it's like,

Steph Shay (05:14.757)
Here's someone who's emotionally immature. Somebody pisses them off and they rip their head off and they burn the bridge. That's someone that's emotionally immature. Somebody who's emotionally immature and somebody violates their boundaries or their values and this person with a cool head will say, that's wrong. That's unacceptable. Never do that again. Now that's somebody that is, they're, I will say, in control of their anger. They're harnessing it and they're keeping a cool head at the same time, but they're not letting it.

Steph Shay (05:43.497)
take them over almost and the next thing you know, they rip somebody's head off. Yeah, I mean, we see it a lot, you know, and I'm sure you have as well Brandon, that just like negative emotions are in control of people and they don't even know that it's gonna happen. They all of a sudden just bite someone's head off. You know, that is the, you know, not having control over your emotions versus the person like Steph said, it's just calm, cool head and in control. Yet if someone violates you, you have that ability to stand up for yourself. Big difference, you don't burn the bridge.

Steph Shay (06:12.881)
You don't make a fool of yourself. You just stand up for yourself and communicate what you need. It's kind of like quick analogy, Brandon. It's like think of a teapot, right? And if the water is already at the boiling point and you've got the top of the kettle, the top is starting to wiggle a little bit and you just turn up the heat just a little tiny bit and the top blows off, right?

Steph Shay (06:38.557)
That's an emotionally immature individual and emotionally mature people, the water is constantly cool to warm and you would have to crank up the heat really high in order for it to even get to the boiling point and in order for the top to blow off. But most emotionally mature people, as you say, they do a good job keeping the water constantly cool. That's the key, which is again, what we talk about core emotional resilience.

Thebrandonthornhill (07:03.458)
No, it makes sense, you know, and when you're looking at emotional maturity, I think, especially when you're saying what you guys just said, if people disagree with them a lot of times nowadays, it's like cancel culture, you're done, you can't, I can never talk to you again. If you, you know what, if I'm left and you're right and I'm right and you're left, then we can't, we can't hang out anymore. We can't have conversations. So it's like, you know, the, the culture that we've now started to, I think, move into in America, especially is, is, is a culture of.

Steph Shay (07:15.458)
Oh, totally, totally.

Thebrandonthornhill (07:33.322)
You know, if you believe what I believe in, then we can, we can hang out and we can be friends. But if you don't, then you're done.

Steph Shay (07:39.101)
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It is very polarized like that. And so it is creating a lot of strife, a lot of disagreement, a lot of just, you know, clashing and conflict. And, and again, though, that stems from a lot of pent up built up unresolved negative emotions that people aren't willing to deal with. And, you know, we, especially in the field that we're in, we've seen a drastic change since the pandemic.

Steph Shay (08:06.265)
Right? And mental health is at an all-time low right now. And something needs to be done about it. Yeah. People need help. People need a lot of help. Yeah, right now more than ever. And it's been, mental health has been cascading ever since 9-11. That was the point where it all began. And then on top of it, the 2008 great recession. And then, 12 years later, the great pandemic in 2020. So it's like, boom, boom, boom.

Steph Shay (08:33.541)
And so people are struggling right now more than ever. And most individuals don't realize how their past hardships are causing them to be so emotionally immature and not have any emotional resilience. And they spill their mocha whipped Frappuccino, latte, sprinkles, swirl, skinny, whatever on the blacktop and they have an existential crisis. And that's where people are at right now. Just this amount, literally just.

Steph Shay (09:00.57)
It becomes a huge event for them. And that's, that's where we're at right now for a lot of people.

Thebrandonthornhill (09:05.058)
Yeah, you know, I was in a mentorship group with Ed Mylette and he was talking about how everybody has an emotional home that they'd like to go back to. You know, and some people it's, it's anger, it's re it's resentment, it's guilt, it's fear. And it seems like to me, you know, whenever somebody like I'm hanging around somebody and I know that they're negative or they're, you know, they just lash out very quickly. He says, at least that those individuals, he feels sorry for them because he knows that they're, they're fearful, like they're scared of something.

Steph Shay (09:11.41)
Right?

Thebrandonthornhill (09:33.006)
And what I also know is that I've seen it myself where the people who are most confident in their skin and people who have the best emotional maturity, like they don't, they don't care. Like they're so, they're so even keeled on, their highs get too high, their lows too low. And but some of these individuals, like they're so insecure that they're really just projecting insecurities out into the world. So what do you guys think about that?

Steph Shay (09:47.377)
Yeah.

Steph Shay (09:55.269)
Yeah. Yeah. 100%. I mean, spot on. It it's so true. I mean, and it's, you know, like the old saying goes, you know, hurt people hurt people. Right. And so somebody who has all of these hurts and pains and traumas and which lead to insecurities, abandonment issues and all of this stuff. Right. It's like it's it's just all balled up inside. And so then.

Steph Shay (10:20.805)
Like Steph said, one tiny little thing happens. They spill their coffee onto the ground. Someone bumps into them and it just all like almost projectile vomits out of them. And they just spew all of their stuff onto the world around them. So yeah, we would, speaking of, you brought up running parachutes. We would call those running parachutes. Big time. Our analogy with that is, if you, I'm sure you're familiar, but we'll explain to your audience as well that,

Steph Shay (10:50.377)
I think of an athlete, they train with, you know, running parachute, sometimes called training parachute, right? And it, and it, you know, extends back behind them while they're training and running, it creates a drag and a resistance. And so they have to work harder because they've got this resistance and drag. And so then, you know, they're training and they get stronger and better and faster. Muscles get bigger. The muscle fibers twitch a little bit faster. Yeah. And then come game day or race day, they take that parachute off.

Steph Shay (11:19.065)
and now they're explosive off the line and they're faster and they're stronger and they're better. Now we equate that in our world to all the mental and emotional barriers that we carry around that look like anger, sadness, fear, guilt, self-doubt, not good enough. Feeling not worthy, feeling insignificant, all these things all.

Steph Shay (11:39.513)
major negative emotions or limiting beliefs, like some people would call them as well. And so, you know, as we go along in life, those get bigger and bigger and bigger, that parachute behind us or parachutes get bigger and more of them. And, you know, and we're getting slower and slower as we go through life until for some, if they're not resolved, you know, it leads to all the way up to death, right? Yeah, mental diseases, physiological diseases or dis-

Steph Shay (12:06.677)
eases, if I may, I'll pronounce it like that on purpose. And then ultimately it could be death. Here's the thing, it's like, when you're in your teens or twenties, you've already got some running parachutes because a lot of running parachutes are formed between zero to seven, according to Dr. Morris Massey, famous sociologist, and he talked about that being the imprint period. And zero to seven, so as kids, and you're seeing this with your kids, they're sponges.

Steph Shay (12:31.441)
They just absorb everything. They're absorbing everything. They also have their mirror neurons are on hyperdrive and they're just observing everything around their environment and just mimicking it. And so 98% of our behaviors even today as adults are learned from watching other people. 98%, a large part of those being from that period at zero to seven. Dr. Paul Goodwin was at Alaska Pacific University and he was a quantum biologist. He talked about during the zero to seven time period, arborization is happening.

Steph Shay (13:01.041)
So that's when new neurological connections are being made in the brain. And he says, during zero to seven, up to a million connections an hour, an hour. And so a lot of our running parachutes came from watching other people, observing other people, seeing a family member get angry, seeing a friend be hyper anxious. And so a lot of these running parachutes came from other people just observing them and their behaviors. And so the thing is, most of them come from their teenage years, no problem.

Steph Shay (13:31.401)
Brute force, a lot of adrenaline, right? You can just power through it. You can overpower them and it's almost like a teenager wouldn't even know they're there just because of all of the infinite energy. 20s comes along, ah, starts to slow down, but that's okay. We have this great thing called caffeine. Energy drinks. Or for some people, uppers, or some do more positive things like breathing, meditation, prayer, working out, but they'll figure out ways, whether good or bad, to overcompensate for the drag. 30s come around.

Steph Shay (13:58.997)
Slow down a little bit more. Well, I mean, get out of bed, amp up more of those things from before. 40s comes around. Now it's like, oh, it becomes a little bit harder to use all the good or bad things to overpower the running parachutes. And this is where the over the hill or midlife crisis time period starts to come in and people start slowing down or trying to buy a Ferrari for happiness or whatever. Distract themselves from their problems. It's running parachutes that are literally, they are now.

Steph Shay (14:28.193)
helping them or not, come to a halt, like almost a screeching halt. And so now fifties comes around. If something's not done about it, this is when disease starts to set in. And then shortly thereafter, probably an early death. Now these things, it's like, we always say this, a marathon athlete would not train with training parachutes for the length of the marathon. They do a little bit of track training just to get a little bit stronger.

Steph Shay (14:55.609)
And then what do they do? They take it off and then go run without it. So the body can feel the difference and then grow into it. We shouldn't be training with our running parachutes all the way till our death. We should utilize them. We should appreciate them. We should respect them probably somewhere in our twenties, thirties, get the learnings and lessons we need to get from them, release them, let them go. Now be a superhuman. And so.

Steph Shay (15:21.661)
So I think what's super important is for individuals to get that their past, their traumas, their hardships, they're not wounds that need to heal, but they literally have been making them better, faster and stronger, and they've been developing them into a superhuman, but there comes a point where it's time to say, you don't serve me anymore, I gotta let you go. And that, for the smart, happens in their 20s, 30s. Unfortunately, most people don't get there until 50s or 60s when it's almost too late.

Thebrandonthornhill (15:47.214)
You guys, there's a lot of stuff. There's a lot of different ways we can go from here. Like there's a lot of stuff you can ask from that alone. But man, I'm gonna come back to one thing and that's kids. Because you guys have had, you know, a kid, how old is he now?

Steph Shay (15:50.489)
Yeah.

Steph Shay (15:59.982)
Uh, 10, 10 months next week, 10 months next week. Insane. Yeah. Thanks brother.

Thebrandonthornhill (16:01.986)
10 months, man, congratulations, amazing. So I wanna talk about that here in a second because there's so much we can go on that. But before I do, you're talking about how people can run with these running parachutes and they can actually get stronger from them, but eventually they have to face them. One, how they even know they have a running parachute. Like you guys are giving them the signs, but.

Thebrandonthornhill (16:25.57)
How do they know, you know, how to identify what it is? Because a lot of times you said it's from that zero to seven years old, maybe they got it when they're in their teenage years, and then it's just grown and grown and grown compound effect. But how do they find it? And then how can they get rid of it?

Steph Shay (16:41.961)
Okay. Yeah. We're going to question. Great question. Um, here's an easy, you know, obviously without going into the whole lengthy process, like, like I know you've experienced, which is understanding all your running parachutes, which is, you know, that's, that's something when we do that with private clients, run our group programs, that's usually a two to three hour process. Let's give the listeners something that's quick and easy that they can implement today, which is, you know, if they pull out their journal in a pen, pencil marker, whatever right now.

Steph Shay (17:11.605)
First they just say what is it I want right now step one What is this? What is something that I want right now that I've I've got to have I've got to accomplish What is an outcome? I want what is a goal that I want and and you know, don't overthink it Just think about this one goal that if you achieve this goal This would end up being the best year to date so far step one step two Okay, what's keeping you from just achieving it?

Steph Shay (17:37.197)
And don't think about it consciously. Just, just, just do a brain dump without analysis. Just let it unconsciously flow without judgment. Yep. Just, just what, what is, or could be keeping me from achieving this outcome, goal, result, what have you that step too. Cool. Now you look at that and say, sweet, what within there is driven by emotion or some sort of a belief.

Steph Shay (18:02.597)
So is there an emotion, anger, sadness, fear, hurt, guilt are known as the big five emotions in the mental health world. That's anger, sadness, fear, hurt, guilt. There are emotions that look like anger. That could be rage, frustration, pissed off. Upset. Upset, right? Sadness could look like depression or- Despair. Feeling despair, lost, alone, right? So look out for things that look or sound like sadness. Fear, okay? Scared. Scared is a big one.

Steph Shay (18:32.929)
Anxiety is rooted in fear because fear is of the past. Anxiety is using the fear from the past and projecting it into the future. So anything that looks like anxiety, worry, concern. Concern. Okay, so that's all rooted in fear. And then you have hurt, right? This is hurt, feeling hurt. Or like somebody betrayed you or somebody crossed you. Or in some way, shape or form, sometimes it could be linked to aspects of sadness as well.

Steph Shay (19:01.233)
Same. Regret or not forgiving yourself or things of that nature. So you look at the step two answers and then in step three, you say, what looks like anger, sadness, fear, hurt, guilt? You write that down. And then you look within step three as well, which is helping you identify your running parachutes and say, what looks like limiting beliefs? We'll tell you.

Steph Shay (19:23.697)
So Shay and I have literally worked with thousands upon thousands of people and what we have found out is that all limiting beliefs usually are presided by or we call master limiting beliefs. They're mastered by the big limiting beliefs which would be self doubt, which we've talked about before. Not being good enough. And feeling not good enough. Those are primarily the two main ones. Of course there's many others, but those are the two main that kind of stem.

Steph Shay (19:51.697)
The other stem from those. Cause self doubt is where self worth issues, right? Or self love issues, or you can't love other people cause you can't love yourself, right? Anything that has to do with not seeing yourself as a fully awesome divine being and capable being is gonna be all rooted in self doubt or feelings of not good enough. So in that step three, what looks like anger, sadness, fear, hurt, guilt, or self doubt or feelings of not good enough?

Steph Shay (20:21.149)
Boom, they're your major running parachutes. These are the things that are keeping you right now from achieving everything you want and they will keep you from achieving everything you want. That's a quick one, two, three process. So that's step one, what do you want? Step two, what do you think could be keeping you from getting what you want without analysis or judgment? Step three, what looks like anger, sadness, fear, hurt, guilt or self doubt or not good enough? Boom, those are your major running parachutes keeping you from the next level.

Thebrandonthornhill (20:48.878)
So those are the running parachutes. And by the way, I ask people all the time, what do you want? What is it that you want? And I know you guys ask this question a lot. They don't know, do they? They're going, they're going. It's wild. I mean, I just asked my friend the other day, he's a big time influencer. I'm like, but what do you want, man? He's like, I don't know.

Steph Shay (20:53.681)
Yeah. Yeah. No, no, no, no, people don't. They don't know.

Steph Shay (21:09.061)
Well, a lot of people, okay, so there's man, this is a good point. So a lot of people don't know what they want. Then there's the next level of people that they think they know what they want, but really what they want is what they saw on social media. It's based off of someone else's wants and they just kind of adopted as theirs, but then they don't have that true emotional connection with it. And so then they want it for all the wrong reasons. And so the, the subconscious is going to go.

Steph Shay (21:38.097)
I'm not gonna work for that. That's not what I want. So people are misleading themselves thinking they want what they want, but they don't, and so they're never gonna get it. So then they go down the spiral of, I never get what I want, but they're not actually going after what they truly want. Cause they don't know. Yeah, we had one of our members that was going through our program and called Mind Power Breakthrough. And we said, what do you want? And he was like, I wanna be making $500,000 a year.

Steph Shay (22:07.781)
And I want a Lamborghini, a Porsche and a Ferrari. And I said, cool, tell me about that. So, you know, for what purpose? And he was like, I don't know. Well, okay, well, what will that do for you? What does that mean to you? I don't know. And at this point, I've got a little bit of the BS meter that's starting to go up bit by bit by bit by bit. And I was like, okay, what emotions do you have attached to that important question? He was like, I can't really get in touch with any. And I said, so whose goals are those because they're not yours?

Steph Shay (22:37.745)
You saw that somewhere and took it on as your own. And I'm telling you, you will never achieve it because there's no emotion behind it. Goals without emotion connected to it will never be achieved, period, full stop. So a lot of people that's that next level, they think they know what they want, but they actually want what other people want, which by the way is probably what other people want, probably what other people want, what other people want. And it's the freaking telephone game. And it's so diluted and there's no emotion attached to it. And they wonder why they're broke.

Steph Shay (23:08.477)
They're broke and they're not achieving any of their goals. So then the next level is individuals that they, they know what they want. That's good. That's positive. That's a lot more than most people know. So that's good. They're thinking small. They're thinking small and they're thinking based on again, their environment, their sphere and how they think, you know, the late Jim Rohn said we've become the average of the five people we hang out with the most. And, and so I, I always say, show me your friends and I'll show you your future.

Thebrandonthornhill (23:11.234)
Yeah.

Steph Shay (23:37.657)
Simply put. So then there's that level right there, which is, okay, cool, you're just not thinking big enough. Now we start getting into individuals that are the super achiever. They're the super wealthy people. They're the ones that are the true world changers and universe denters. And they're thinking huge, huge, huge. We always say to individuals coming through our program, we're like, think bigger than that. No, not bigger for the purpose of bigger. Think bigger for the purpose of easier, but think bigger than that. And we always say it's our job.

Steph Shay (24:06.845)
to believe in you more than you believe in yourself, but it's your job to live up to our belief. So get to work. And so there's most individuals, they're in that almost purgatory, where they're at least, like Shay said, they're focusing what they want and they know what they want, but it's just small. And it's probably only 1% of the population that's actually thinking big enough. And they're doing it not for bigger sake, but for easier sake. And that's a whole nother story.

Thebrandonthornhill (24:36.802)
No, that's so good. You know, again, I can go in 10 different directions on this. You know, when I when I was when I was growing up, I grew up in a trailer park, man. And and I think the reason why, you know, I've been able to get to where I am today is just because I had quite a bit of a level of being naive, you know, being naive enough to believe that it was possible for me to go and be an ABCO and then go into the business world and have success there and then network with some of the people I've been able to network with. So it's like and by the way, I know I'm very, very confident. I'm just getting started like.

Steph Shay (24:58.289)
Yeah.

Thebrandonthornhill (25:05.738)
You know, it's I got some really big plans and really big goals, but it's because I've, I've, I've gotten the right, I've gotten the right coaches. Like you guys have coached me. So I've gotten the right coaches around my corner to be able to help increase my belief, get rid of the running parachutes, you know, and, and like you said, level up the environment. All that stuff matters. And so, okay. So you guys are talking about then how, how do I identify it? And if, if at that point they finally identified it, you've talked about.

Steph Shay (25:23.921)
Yep. Yep.

Thebrandonthornhill (25:35.134)
Now they know exactly what they want. But then if they have the running parachutes, it's still gonna hold them back. How do they get rid of the running parachutes? Obviously they need your coaching, right? I'm gonna promote you guys. They definitely need your coaching. But let's just say that they wanna work on it themselves and then they just can't get rid of it. Maybe they come to you next level. What's your guys' recommendation?

Steph Shay (25:45.294)
Thanks, brother.

Steph Shay (25:56.913)
Yeah. Yeah, we get that individuals, they go through phases of development. And for some individuals, you know, they get started books, podcasts, et cetera, which is fricking phenomenal because that is better than nothing better than watching TV. And there's a lot of really good content like this podcast right here. Right. There's a lot of good, deep, rich content in it. And we have that at our fingertips today. Right. We didn't have that 20 years ago. Yeah. Not even really 10 years ago. Like it's

Steph Shay (26:25.569)
Now is the time, like we have so much information at our fingertips, so that's a great place to start. So, and then from there, it's like, okay, cool, what are some trainings that I could take that could help me get to the next level from there so I can really truly be on the path to being an expert? And then from there, how do I have mentoring from a very insightful mentor who is knowledgeable? They have the knowledge, they have the skill, and they have the attitude to bring you to the next level, and they've also been...

Steph Shay (26:54.065)
where you want to go. Great, this is just how things go bit by bit by bit. Those individuals, when they seek out, say, a mentor, now they're probably seeking mastery, right? I always say that probably in the population, anyone that's studying any certain topic or subject, there's probably 80% dabblers. And we see this all the time. We do keynotes, we do training programs, whether it's retreats, seminars, what have you, even in our group. And we say, you gotta understand, this is gonna be your...

Steph Shay (27:24.209)
one bit that you're going to be focusing on your development probably for the year. And what you're seeing here, we do every single day for ourselves, for our family, for our team, and with others, we live, live and breathe this stuff with no side hustle. Like we, we're on the path to mastery. And so, um, but most individuals, 80% are probably dabblers on any given topic. They just kind of dip their toe in and that's it. Probably about 19% of the population are experts. They actually, they know enough to apply it and maybe to start to help some other people apply it as well.

Steph Shay (27:52.361)
Um, but only 1% really is probably less of the population or true masters. They, they, they are willing to do what it takes on this journey towards mastery. And even when they are a master would never even call themselves a master. They're going to call themselves a student because they're still learning and they're trying to master that of which that they haven't. So anyway, this is all part of the growth process and where somebody is on their journey is great in the early stages of understanding running parachutes.

Steph Shay (28:19.965)
This is important, this is one for your journal as well. I hope the listeners have a journal in pen because we are dropping golden nuggets left and right and center and I hope you're catching all of these. But there's a powerful question you can ask. You look at the running parachute. Let's say it's like I have explosive moments where I really tap into anger. You ask yourself a very important question. What do I want instead? Boom. What do I, instead of tapping into whatever, whatever that negative emotion or

Thebrandonthornhill (28:26.666)
Yes, you are.

Steph Shay (28:48.581)
limiting belief is just ask yourself, what do I want instead? And it will flip you to the positive, right? If it's anger, okay, what do I want instead? I wanna be calm, cool-headed. I wanna be in control of myself, right? So you write that down. Yep. And then from there, you really just, what we like to do as an exercise is you cross out that negative or that limitation so that it's like a sign to your brain, like no more. No more. Cross that out. I'm done with this.

Steph Shay (29:18.749)
This is in its most simple form because here's the deal. So listen, I love our process, it's called running parachute release, which will help somebody in less than eight weeks get rid of all of their running parachutes. And I know there's gonna be some individuals that just aren't, they're not there yet. They're still dabbling, which is fine. They should just trust where they're at in the journey, which is great. Shay and I, what we always love to do is be able to make the development journey one that is exactly that, a journey where there is beginner level

Steph Shay (29:48.057)
level things that you can do for more resilience. And then there's more, I will say, intermediate things that you can do, then more advanced things, then more expert, then more mastery things. If you can just identify it, there's so much power in identification. Identification is release. At that moment, your brain has like connected, oh, this is what it is. And then your unconscious already starts getting to work.

Steph Shay (30:17.845)
Magics are happening. Yeah. As said famously by Epicurus, the knowledge of sin is the beginning of salvation. Wow. So so OK, that what an individual starts to realize right there is like, OK, cool. Me just having conscious awareness of that of which that is holding me back will begin the change process. Nathaniel Brandon said the first step toward change is awareness. Again, we're talking about awareness again.

Steph Shay (30:45.517)
The second step is acceptance now. That's that's his quote. We're gonna add into it. The third step is massive action Okay, so first step is awareness Second step is acceptance third step is massive action. So you're looking at this saying, okay, let's say it's fear By the way, that's one of the very common one one of the most common running parachutes The two most common and dangerous running parachutes are fear and self-doubt right, so fear and self-doubt so

Steph Shay (31:12.261)
So let's, I'm going to use fear because it's the one that's plaguing our society right now more than ever. I mean, we're, you know, listen, so some people say we're heading into a recession. Some say we're already in an unofficial recession. Uh, the reality is you just got a lot of people that are fearful, right? Uh, energy prices are soaring. You've got rates are high, uh, food costs are high, uh, I mean, everything. So, so you've got a lot of people that are tapping into fear, by the way, in the next few years, they're going to be tapping even more into it. So let's use fear.

Steph Shay (31:41.509)
Why? Because we want to prepare the audience for the next few years and make them some of the most resilient people in the world. By the way, side note in terms of some stats, heading into a recession and then in and through the recession, traditionally speaking, 90 percent of people will struggle. 90 percent. And 10 percent. They thrive. Will thrive. So what is our goal for the listeners here today? We want to get you in the 10 percent. Absolutely.

Steph Shay (32:09.885)
Just by listening to today's podcast, if you will implement some of the things that we're saying here, and you will mine some of these golden nuggets, we guarantee you you'll get into the 10% because you're gonna have a mind shift. So the reality is, is let's take fear because fear is going to be the running parachute people are gonna be troubled by the most, especially in the next few years, okay? So to Shay's point, fear, what do I want instead? Courage, as an example, that's what came up for me. Okay, so.

Steph Shay (32:39.837)
Hey, brother, have you ever seen the movie? We bought a zoo. Oh, my God. It's a good brother. It's a good dude. Put it on your list. It's a family film. It's warm hearted. It'll make you laugh. And, you know, for some people might make them cry. There's a character, Benjamin, me, who who buys a home for his family and doesn't realize that he's also buying a zoo, a zoo. And anyway, it's a great story. It's not a true story. Actually based off of a true story. And anyway, so.

Thebrandonthornhill (32:48.303)
I gotta watch it now, okay.

Steph Shay (33:07.973)
He's talking to his son, it's an awesome scene, and his son's like, I wanna talk to this girl, but, you know, it scares me. And he's like, listen, all it takes is 20 seconds of courage. 20 seconds of insane bravery. It doesn't take an hour, it doesn't take a week, it doesn't take a month, it doesn't take a year. You just need 20 seconds of courage, that's it. And so we love that philosophy, especially with fear. For everybody, if you've got fear as a running parachute, which let's not BS ourselves, we all do. It is what it is.

Steph Shay (33:37.837)
And so at some level, and we're talking about the negative aspects of fear, positive aspects of fear are tied to the fight or flight response. That's fine. That's instinctual. We'll always keep that. It's, it makes us stay alive. Thank God. But the negative parts of fear that cause people to be inactive and just have tree have phobias. Yeah. Um, these, these are not good, uh, to, yeah, be paralyzed. And so they'd say fear, what do I want instead? I I'd say use courage and try to employ the 20 seconds of courage. Right.

Steph Shay (34:07.789)
And then just act. Too many people. This is so important, man. So too many people think everything's got to be perfect before they act. Too many people think, Oh wait, I got to get confident. And then I can be successful. They need to switch that. So, so most people think confidence leads to success. No way. What you have to do is take action quickly with 20 seconds of courage. Then that success.

Steph Shay (34:37.569)
will make you confident and then confidence will beget more success, will beget more confidence, which will beget more success. But the first step in all of it is success, by the way, through failure. There's a reason why success is broken up into two syllables, suck and then cess. You got to suck first. You got to suck first on the path to success. There's no way to get to success without sucking first. And it's why SUC, suck, cess, suck is the beginning, first part of success. What does that mean? Plan to fail.

Steph Shay (35:07.205)
And fail fast and fail often get the success, by the way, then you'll be confident. So, so for, for everybody that's listening in, if you can do something instead. Yep. What do you want instead of fear? Man, your whole world will open up. I mean, and literally just applying this, this, this mental process, this mental rehearsal in your head will literally change things. Cause remember identification is released and then self-doubt another big running parachute, one of the most dangerous.

Steph Shay (35:36.777)
What do you want instead? Like Brandon, what would you hallucinate somebody would say if I said, what do you want instead of self doubt?

Thebrandonthornhill (35:45.194)
on my self-confidence.

Steph Shay (35:46.685)
Boom, and then we'd say, write that down and then scratch out the self doubt. And then how are you gonna get confident? Well, through success. So take action quickly. Don't think, just do. Love Mel Robbins five second rule. Just if you need to give yourself a countdown, do it five, four, three, two, one, go. Don't think about it. Just lean into it, lean through it. Quiet the mind. I love in, have you seen the movie Last Samurai? Tom Cruise? Yeah. Okay.

Thebrandonthornhill (36:12.67)
Yes, of course. Yeah. Yeah.

Steph Shay (36:15.477)
And the Hatsimoto, his son, who it's his village, Hatsimoto says, he comes up to him and, no, Katsimoto, sorry, Katsimoto, he says, this is my son's village. Anyway, while he's sitting there with the wooden sword, practicing how to be a samurai, he comes up to him and he says, no mind, no mind. Which he's talking about the conscious mind. Like quiet that conscious mind, it's like- That thinking.

Steph Shay (36:44.533)
overthinking mind for most people. The conscious mind is an itty bitty shitty committee. And what they need to do is they need to turn it into a cheer squad and make it their best friend rather than that. The constant questioning. So I hope that helps. Does that help brother like give a step by step process what they can do? You know, even before ever experiencing a formal running parachute release, it's what they can do through their own action.

Thebrandonthornhill (37:07.274)
No, it definitely helps. And I got again, a couple of questions, but you know, I'll give an example. Even when I first got, you guys know I'm in direct sales. When I first got in direct sales, I was active duty, still working full time. And I actually lacked a lot of self-confidence when it came to speaking. And this is a speaking game, let's be honest. And so when we started doing meetings and doing calls for my team, like

Steph Shay (37:23.25)
Yeah, it is.

Thebrandonthornhill (37:27.754)
I remember getting so crazy nervous, but I thought like, well, if I don't do this, my team's not going to do it. So I have to do it, but I didn't want to do it. And every time I like my first time getting up and speaking, literally was in a hotel room. We had probably 50 guests and I had to tell my 32nd testimony when I forgot my name. So talk about like terrified, scary, whatever. It was just.

Steph Shay (37:33.725)
Yeah. Yeah.

Steph Shay (37:53.289)
Sure.

Thebrandonthornhill (37:53.786)
It is what it is. And I just remember, you know, as a saying goes, I stood up, my mind sat back down, like I just blanked out. And I remember that actually happened to me in the military one time when I was briefing to and I just said, how am I going to get over this? The only way to get over this is like to continue to do it over repetitively, continue to allow myself to be bad at it. So one day I can be good at it. And now I you know, I get in front of stages, I think the biggest stage I've spoke at was over 5000 people. And I'm not even barely nervous at all before I go up there anymore.

Steph Shay (37:59.644)
Yeah.

Steph Shay (38:14.802)
Yeah.

Steph Shay (38:23.229)
Nice. Nice. Yeah. Yep. Yeah. Totally. That's awesome. Part of that. Good job, dude. I bet you part of that was at some point, because everyone has the capability of releasing the running parachutes on their own. I was talking to a guy about this just the other day. He was, I was telling him about our running parachute release process. And, and, uh, and he was like, man, he goes, I'm hearing all this. And he was like, and I, I know I've released a lot of them. I mean, I know I've got a lot more work to go, uh, to do, um, and ways to go. And he said, but.

Thebrandonthornhill (38:23.458)
I'm actually more excited to like pour into them, you know?

Steph Shay (38:52.337)
I got to tell you, it's probably like a three year process to, like that was a very conscious process. And he goes, laws said it was long, hard, arduous. He goes, took daily practice just to do it. Um, and he was like, wow, he goes, that's crazy to think somebody could do it in a really short period of time, uh, just with the right mentoring and understanding the right system or the right process. But, um, we, that's an example right there. And I told him the same thing I said, everybody can release the running parachutes. It's just a matter of how long will it take?

Steph Shay (39:19.857)
Right. And so I bet you there you released your running parachutes, but I mean to spotlight something that you did too, is you did the thing, you know, Ralph Waldo Emerson said, do the thing, you will have the power, but they that do not the thing will not have the power. Do the thing, do the thing, do the thing. You did the thing by speaking over and over and over again. That's the lean into it and lean through it part. That's just the sheer determination will grit and grind that is possible. It's just, it's hard ass work. And you did that, right? And you did the work. And that's what a lot of people will see.

Steph Shay (39:50.321)
that's what stands you out from the crowd. Most people, they give up and stop because it's too much work, it's too hard. And so what we find is, you know, then there's another part that people don't even get that far. They just, you know, after that first meeting you did, they would have just been like, forget it. This isn't worth it.

Thebrandonthornhill (40:10.798)
Yeah, it was a conscious decision to go all in, you know, I remember driving in my car and stopped listening to music. I literally turned my car into university on wheels and I was, I would, I would identify mentors like Jim Rohn and like you guys talked about with mentors, how to find them, like I looked for mentors that had what I wanted, like you got, you guys are that couple, like I've hung around you guys. I've been around you guys at you're at our event for like three days, you know, and I, and I, and I'm very, uh, vigilant, you know, I'm constantly watching if people are truly practicing what they're preaching and

Steph Shay (40:13.031)
Yeah.

Steph Shay (40:18.309)
Yeah, totally.

Steph Shay (40:32.049)
Yeah.

Steph Shay (40:40.285)
Yeah.

Thebrandonthornhill (40:40.478)
And it was just very refreshing to see that you guys truly do practice the things that you guys preach in your marriage, because I, otherwise I wouldn't have brought people to you guys with my married couples, my seven figure earners to you guys to mentor them. And so, you know, I just, I look for good mentors that, that embody the message that's out there actually out there preaching. And, um, and I appreciate you guys for, for living it.

Steph Shay (40:48.901)
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Steph Shay (41:02.076)
Yeah.

Steph Shay (41:05.565)
Yeah. Yeah. Thanks. We appreciate you as well. Just for being you. Yeah. It's, it's, it's, uh, we always say, people are actually surprised whenever at some of our programs, uh, we tell them about some of our rituals and some of our practices and, and people stop us all the time when we're like, yep. So we, we do, we do the morning routine. You know, our morning routine. Um, you know, part of it was adapted from Eastern philosophies. Part of it was adapted from one of my first mentors, Tony Robbins. Um, part of it is adapted from some Hawaiian, uh, practices and philosophies. And

Thebrandonthornhill (41:09.035)
Well.

Steph Shay (41:35.065)
And people are like, oh, you do that? And we're like, of course we do. Why, what do you think? We're just teaching it. And then we go through our ritual some more and we're talking about, um, listening to our podcast. And I went, you listen to your own podcast? Well, yeah, we eat our own cooking and it's, and it's cool to be on the other side. I'm like, there's I've actually, I've listened on a run, uh, same thing. It's not only university on wheels, but also, you know, university on tennis shoes for me as well on my morning run, you know, listening to something. And sometimes, uh, it's Jim Rohn, sometimes it's other mentors.

Steph Shay (42:05.241)
like Darren Hardy, sometimes it's us. And I've had times before where I'm running and I say something, I'm like, that's a good point. And I'm like, I can't believe I just said that to myself. But no, but we eat our own cooking. And I think there's a lot of charlatans out there. And especially in this fake book world, it's Insta-famous world, it drives me, it drives us batty and we're like, wow, I'm glad you're doing something, but.

Thebrandonthornhill (42:16.098)
Thank you. Bye.

Steph Shay (42:33.745)
Holy cow. And like anyone can regurgitate a quote, right? But can they actually dissect it and understand it and then put it into action? Tell them the questions that we asked. Speaking of that, because this is what I mean with the charlatans. They don't say yes to these three questions. And this has to do with them employing it and mastering it. The first question is, are you doing it? Number one. Right? Would your results show that you're doing it? Yep.

Steph Shay (43:02.013)
Number two, have you mastered it? Have you mastered it? That's right. And number three, would your results show that you've mastered it? There's so many people out there that are Insta-famous and they, it's really easy to be a mockingbird and we can tell we're like, dude, you're not even doing this. So there's that level of people. Then there's some individuals where, where, you know, the next question, have you mastered it? We're like, you haven't mastered it and you're not trying to. That's okay. Not everyone has gotten a mastery yet.

Steph Shay (43:31.229)
But you should at least be trying to. But there's a lot of individuals out there, um, that they're not even trying to and what their results show that they mastered it. No, because they haven't mastered it yet. So for us, we, I, we, we are the perpetual student. Like we, it does not matter what success we experienced in past lives before we started our business in 2009, going into 2010, what success level we've gotten to in our business, we, we are of the belief of constantly being a student, like having a

Steph Shay (44:01.233)
beginners minders, they say in Japanese, shoshin, which I know you're very familiar with. Shoshin is having a, it's from Zen Buddhism, having a beginner's mind, like you have an attitude of openness, eagerness, lack of preconceptions. You're not closed when you hear something, you're open. Even if you've heard it over and over and over again, you still have that openness to find what else you can learn from it. I think it's important.

Steph Shay (44:26.925)
I know the power of ambition from Jim Rohn, you and I share the fact that we've probably both listened to it over a hundred times, is one of the reasons why you're one of the top people in your industry and why we feel like we're on the path to be there too, because we are not afraid to rinse and repeat the same information over and over and over and over and over again, because we're not doing knowledge consumption, right?

Steph Shay (44:50.449)
which a lot of people do, are actually trying to apply it. And then on top of it, what we wanna do is we wanna try and seek mastery. And I think that is something that too many people today, they're not willing to do is to get on the path to mastery. It's like one and done. And I know you know people like this. And they have the shiny object syndrome and oh, here's a new thing, let me try this. Let me see if this is the quick fix or the quick silver bullet that'll get me there. Just because you've heard it doesn't mean that you've learned it. Just because you've learned it doesn't mean that you're actually using it.

Steph Shay (45:20.273)
because you're using it doesn't mean that you've mastered it. And that is what we see a lot on, especially social media today, is we're like, wow, I think individuals are just sitting there doing knowledge consumption without application. And anyway, we just wish individuals got what it means to be on the road to mastery, because man, everything would open up for them in their life, but anyway, I went on a tangent.

Thebrandonthornhill (45:46.254)
Well, no, you're good. I mean, that's what, unfortunately, that's what sells on social media, right? The easy route. And, and, um, in fact, it's not like it's people should know that I work with a lot of influencers and, and they even tell me like, if you're on there telling people that you gotta work hard and grind, like you're not going to be relatable with people, so they're not going to follow as much of your content as the person that says, Hey, here's a very quick fix to your problem, which

Steph Shay (45:51.282)
Yum.

Thebrandonthornhill (46:11.042)
probably isn't going to be, it might be a quick fix, but it's not going to be a long fix because it's not going to get them to where they want to go long term, just short term. You know, it's like some of these diets, like, like 92% failure rate rebound diet, yo yo dieting over and over again. And they're a quick fix, but long term, it's going to hurt them more than help them. And so, you know, you know, you guys, you just, you brought up a good point. It's like Bruce Lee said, don't fear the man that I've heard this. Don't fear the man that. Yeah.

Steph Shay (46:37.117)
It's one of our favorite quotes, fear not the man who has practiced 10,000 kicks once, but the man who's practiced one kick 10,000 times. I say that to myself every single day saying, what can I rinse and repeat today on the path to mastery that I was practicing yesterday? And people don't get that. Again, it's knowledge consumption and knowledge accumulation. And people that we all know that literally it's...

Steph Shay (47:03.105)
It's oh, it's like squirrel syndrome and shiny object syndrome. Or it's like, cool. Oh, influence over here. Let me listen to them. Oh, influence over here. Listen to them. Oh, influence over here. Listen to them. And I wish I could take them by the shoulders, not shake them, but just in a loving way and look at them and say that influencer that you followed, like say a year ago. Why don't you really apply every single thing that they taught you at first on the path to mastery?

Steph Shay (47:32.349)
then to get to mastery, then consider bringing in another mentor. But most people, they're like this. And for Shay and I, it's heavy on our hearts because we know if they just applied a percentage of what they learned in the beginning and then did it over and over and over relentlessly, they'd get on the path to success a lot quicker rather than chasing shiny objects and constantly switching up influencer here, there, and everywhere.

Steph Shay (48:01.857)
I'm going to be interested to see what things are like 20 years from now. Looking back and I promise you, Jim Rohn is still going to be a big name. Tony Robbins is still going to be a big name. Darren Hardy is still going to be a big name, right? Mel Robbins is still going to be a big name. It's you're going to look at individuals that literally they, they kept a certain path on mastery towards mastery, never calling themselves a master, but still on the path towards mastery.

Steph Shay (48:30.597)
And I got to tell you all the individuals that are their students are going to be individuals that are probably going to be wildly, much more wildly successful than a lot of the generations today that literally are just doing what we call dabbling. They're dabbling and they do influencer hopping. That, that is knowledge accumulation, but it's not knowledge application.

Thebrandonthornhill (48:48.758)
Yeah, it's so true. You know, 10 people forget mastery takes 10,000 hours right of mastering your craft. It's like Jim Rohn said work twice as hard on yourself as you do your job. And so, you know, when I got started this industry, I started working I said, Hey, if I become the person, then I can attract the level of success that I'm looking for. And actually, I was just taking Jim Rohn's words. And, and I just applied everything that that guy was saying, man, and everything changed for me when I started doing that. It was pretty wild. So

Steph Shay (48:53.669)
Yeah. Totally. Totally.

Steph Shay (48:59.357)
Totally.

Steph Shay (49:09.469)
Yeah.

Steph Shay (49:15.11)
I love that.

Thebrandonthornhill (49:16.458)
So let's before we, because I want to, I want to ask a few more things before we, uh, before we finish up and I want to kind of backtrack here now and go back to the kids conversation because obviously I have two girls, you guys have, you know, a beautiful little boy and you know, like, like most of those unconscious, subconscious things that are, that they're going to pick up from watching, right? Because I have, I have a saying

Steph Shay (49:22.205)
Yeah. Sure. Yeah. Yeah.

Steph Shay (49:40.999)
Yeah.

Thebrandonthornhill (49:42.986)
in my team, people do half of what you do right, twice of what you do wrong. You know, and, and parents and parents, a lot of times leaders in general, they want to tell people what to do, but then they're doing the complete opposite thing. And they think that's it's going to, it's going to, like, they're going to pick it up and start doing it. No, they're going to do what you're doing wrong. So, so they're telling them to have dreams and big dreams and you can be anything you want, but then they're still living in their limiting beliefs in life. So like, how can you.

Steph Shay (49:48.2)
Yep. So true. So true.

Steph Shay (50:01.941)
Yeah. Yeah.

Thebrandonthornhill (50:12.078)
Like, how can we prevent our children from, you know, creating or I guess, absorbing some of these running parachutes in life? And what have you guys seen and what are you guys currently doing maybe for your child to make sure that he's not getting those?

Steph Shay (50:26.769)
Yeah. Yeah. Great. Great question. I mean, I think, you know, to take some of the pressure and stress off of, you know, any parents that might be listening here, right? It's inevitable. It will happen, right? It happened to all of us. And, you know, here we are, and we've survived and we've gotten through it. Yet, for the conscious listener who's like, but I want to make sure that I'm trying to eliminate that as much as possible. Okay. For sure.

Thebrandonthornhill (50:50.647)
It's like limit, right? Like mitigate it. Yeah.

Steph Shay (50:53.281)
Exactly. Exactly. First of all, you know, above all, like like you're saying, you know, you got to lead by example. So you got to think, okay, what do I want my child to be like? And if I if I don't want them to do this behavior, then you know, it's a check in the mirror, like, am I doing that behavior? Am I doing what I would want them to do? Right. And so you first got to check yourself and then you know, implement what you need to do to make sure that you're doing what you would want your child because

Steph Shay (51:17.673)
98% of what we learn is by watching other people. So it's not what we say It's what they see. Yep, we could say all day long and and we're not we're not believers in saying don't do this Right because the mind can't process negative. So when you say don't hit your brother don't fight with your sister All they hear is do that that like if I say don't think of a blue tree What do you think about a freaking blue tree? You can't not

Steph Shay (51:43.537)
So if we say as a parent, don't run out to the street and they run out to the street, we can't get mad at them. We told them what not to do, which is what to do. It's language. Yeah. So you.

Thebrandonthornhill (51:51.086)
This is good, this is good, not to interrupt, this is good because my daughter keeps taking my four month old daughter's binky and putting it in her mouth and I keep saying, hey, stop doing that. So what do I say? Teach me.

Steph Shay (52:01.617)
Yeah, say you could say so say what you want. Right. So ask yourself, okay, what do I want her to do instead, like, leave that in your sister's mouth? Yeah. Leave the binky in your sister's mouth. She needs it. She wants it. Play with something else. Play with something else. Tell them what you want them to do rather than what you don't want them to. This is huge. Parents wonder why when they say don't come home past curfew, they come home late, they come home late, or you want to know a marketing campaign, we believe in

Steph Shay (52:31.109)
You know, the, the intentions of it and we support the intentions of it, but it was poor language was the whole marketing campaign, just say no to drugs instead of saying, just say no to drugs or, or don't do drugs. You should say, stay clean. Yeah. Practice a healthy, active, awesome lifestyle, take care of your physical body. And so as parents, we got to rather than say what not to do, we have to tell them what we want them to do, but Shay brought up a great point too. We need to lead.

Steph Shay (53:00.273)
with our feet, not our mouth, super important, and not just lead by example, but also a positive example. This is so, so important. Listen, the last thing we wanna do, and there's a couple different directions I think we need to go with this, is have parent guilt. Like, that's just a no-no, and it can happen. We have to know that we're doing the best that we can, and all we can do is the best that we can. We gotta take it easy on ourselves, and we need to forgive ourselves every single day, but the reality is is...

Steph Shay (53:29.433)
Now this is a paradox, dude. Like, what we know is that our hardships fuel our resilience. The more hardships, more resilience. And resilience will get you to success. What we know, having studied some of the most successful people in the world with our book, our book is a 12-year research project, and the reality is all of these individuals that we studied had ridiculous amounts of resilience, crazy amounts of resilience. And even more hardships.

Steph Shay (53:56.985)
more hardships that fueled that resilience that fueled their success. Right. So that puts us in a predicament as parents, because we're like, man, we don't want to wish hardships upon them. No, but you don't want them to have this picture perfect life because what are they going to learn from that? And then they'll become a wet noodle. That everything's easy. You don't have to work for anything. So I think as parents, we want to, it's a balance. It's also, it's paradoxical thinking. It's like you, you want them to experience hardships.

Steph Shay (54:23.769)
and learn from it to become resilient in order to become successful, while at the same time, if possible, it to be as smooth and easy of a road as possible, right? So I think that that's important to understand is to hold these two thoughts in parallel, which is the whole notion of a paradox, is being able to be like, okay, I want the best for them, and I want them to have a good life, and I want them to be successful, and I need to support the fact that they are gonna have hardships and it's okay. Let them fail. They're gonna fail.

Steph Shay (54:52.937)
They're going to learn from it. Help them get the learnings and the lessons. That's what we can do as parents. Hardships are inevitable. Help them through the hardships by saying, what did you learn from this? What's the lesson from this? Boom, now they get to resilience. But the reality is they will do as we do, not as we say. So that's why we have to lead with our feet, not our mouth. For sure. And so we have to lead by a positive example. I think we were having a discussion with a friend of ours, very successful.

Steph Shay (55:22.337)
owns a company of which we all know the name of this company. Um, it's worth over a hundred million dollars. And we were just having a discussion. He's, he's a very skilled, experienced parent. I would say we're very much students in that category right now, to be honest. And, and he gave us some awesome wisdom. He said there, he goes, you just understand this guys. You guys know so much about the mind, so much about success, so much about life. He goes.

Steph Shay (55:47.345)
He goes, I feel like I know a good amount. He goes, but I'd put you guys in the mastery category that you guys talk about. It put me in the expert category. And he goes, you just have to understand this that he's gonna watch what you do more than anything you say. So there's probably gonna be a point you're gonna have to just let go, not try and do too much coaching and work more on yourself and coach yourself to be the positive example. And then they will follow suit again, because mirror neurons, 98% of our behaviors are learned from watching others.

Steph Shay (56:16.241)
But he said there's three things that he says that they need from you as a parent. And that would be your unconditional love. Number one. Your positive example, like we've been talking a lot about. Number two, don't sit on the couch like a bump on the log. Right, and for the parent, for the mom or dad to be vulnerable. Number three. And not to pretend or play like everything's perfect. Let them see when you fail and then what you do to overcome that. Let them see you maybe

Steph Shay (56:46.205)
be down and upset about something, but then let them see you. The key is let them see you. Rise like a phoenix from the ashes and literally getting the lesson and the learning and becoming more resilient because you've used that hardship to fuel that resilience. Man, what a story for your kid to watch and see that. Exactly, with a very fine line of don't make your problems their problems, right? If the household is experiencing, say, financial issues, don't make that the kid's problem, but maybe they see you.

Steph Shay (57:15.965)
down and out about something, but then they see you rise up and get to, you're resilient and you get through it, but don't make the kids stress and have worry and anxiety over the parents' problems. Like there's healthy, Jim Rohn talks about a healthy family and the reality is he, and I know you know this, you've probably heard it a thousand times like I have too, and he talked about importance of communication, activities, and then also spiritual connection.

Steph Shay (57:44.585)
part of activities where he talked about speaking with each other and communicating with each other and doing activities like journaling exercises to do so or flat out in the communication part of it just at the dinner table talking about things. You don't have to be the parent that everything's perfect. It's okay to be vulnerable because here's what can happen from a psychology standpoint is if it's a facade and there's a veneer of perfection that the parents work real hard to hold.

Steph Shay (58:14.181)
it'll actually install the running parachute of I'm not good enough because I will never be able to be like that. Um, so I'm just going to take this running parachute of I'm not good enough and let it run my life and make it my identity. So I think, I think as parents, we got to be vulnerable. We got to be vulnerable with our kids, show them who we are. Um, and, and stop trying to be perfect because that, that can only create more havoc in their world. It'll make sure, make them actually more resilient to see you vulnerable.

Steph Shay (58:43.401)
And like Shay said, learning from the hardship, getting the lesson from the hardship and letting it fuel your resilience. Now they're gonna be a resilient kid, like way ahead of their time.

Thebrandonthornhill (58:53.994)
Yeah, we could do a whole podcast on just this alone. You know? Um, so, you know, we've been on from us now or so on. I want to value your guys' time and the listeners, you know, and I know they would, they would keep listening. Uh, you know, here's the thing. Like I think when people are listening to that, that's not just for kids. Like that is for leadership in general. Like your team, your team wants to see you vulnerable. And if they just think that, you know,

Steph Shay (58:56.169)
Totally, totally.

Steph Shay (59:13.33)
It is.

Thebrandonthornhill (59:18.75)
You're this perfect person that they can't touch, especially if you're in a, in a, in a, you know, a sales driven position where people can, can come up like in direct sales. Um, if you want people to be able to see themselves in a, in a bigger, you know, vision of, of, of, of who they can become, then you need to show them that you're not perfect and that you do go through ups and downs, but you grow through it. You know what I mean?

Steph Shay (59:24.691)
Yeah.

Steph Shay (59:41.777)
Yeah, it's the same thing, supply and leadership. Your team needs your unconditional love. Same, same, same. Your team needs your positive example, right? Like Patton famously said, he said, you got to lead from the front. And he took the string that was on the map, put his finger on the front of the string and pulled it forward. You know, and his great story when they said, you know, we're going into battle.

Steph Shay (01:00:05.969)
What do we do here? And he had, you know, all of the leaders were at the back. He took a string, he puts it on the map. He puts his finger on the back of the string and pushes it. And the string bunches up and doesn't move anywhere. He takes his finger on the front of the string and pulls it forward. And the string comes behind the finger and he says, you need a lead from the front. And so same thing from a leadership standpoint, that's number two, your positive example. Number three, that you're vulnerable. And back to number one, the unconditional love. Most leaders suck at that.

Thebrandonthornhill (01:00:24.238)
That's great.

Steph Shay (01:00:35.537)
They, because of their own insecurities, aren't able to truly give unconditional love to their teammates and people need love. They, as Oprah said best, you know, everybody wants to be seen, heard, and understood, and when you give unconditional love to team members, kids, et cetera, they feel seen, heard, understood. So yeah, absolutely. Good call. It's absolutely, it's applicable to all leadership, which is really what parenting is, it's leadership.

Thebrandonthornhill (01:00:59.73)
Yeah, yeah, that's great guys. And unfortunately, most leaders, most parents want to be interested or want to be interesting and not interested, you know. And it's like you guys said, being active listeners and actually hearing people out. So let's do this. So let's finish up. Let me ask you guys this. Because I forgot I haven't we've just been flowing man never asked you guys

Steph Shay (01:01:07.081)
Totally, totally.

Steph Shay (01:01:19.013)
Yeah. I don't even know what time it is. Yeah. Oh, great question. You know, I think, I think, uh, it's, it's such a good question. So many different ways that I could go with this. And I gotta say getting on the path to mastery. Don't, don't be a dabbler. Like if there's something that's important to you at minimum, become an expert. Yeah.

Thebrandonthornhill (01:01:21.71)
But what is, what is this is the journey to win? What is winning to Stefan Che?

Steph Shay (01:01:47.553)
And for those of you that really want to achieve and you wanna be a world changer and a universe denter, get on the path to mastery, be part of the 1%. And I think it's important, like people are always like, okay, okay, okay, give me three steps to mastery. And I'm like, easy, number one, shou shun. We talked about that already. Have a beginner's mind, right? Number two, rinse and repeat.

Steph Shay (01:02:10.397)
Be willing to take the same information, whatever it is you're studying, and rinse and repeat it over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again until you get to mastery. Step three, seek the 2%. What do I mean by that? Even the master, the master knows about 98% of the body of knowledge of whatever it is they're studying. But they...

Steph Shay (01:02:35.917)
still don't know the 2%. And what makes the master the master is they never call themselves the master because they're relentless about trying to find that other 2%. And the reality is it's kind of like with passing a test. Like if passing is an 80, don't shoot for an 80 because you might not pass. Shoot for 100, shoot for excellence, you'll definitely pass. So the reality is if more people shot for mastery,

Steph Shay (01:03:02.433)
Rather than being an expert, at minimum, they'll be an expert, which is pretty awesome. Also, for the select few who keep pushing, they will get on the path to mastery. I think somebody wants to win, they've got to get on the path to mastery. For us, it's constant beginner's mind. Like, it's even when there's information I've heard before, I'm sitting there and I'm writing it again. We have five specific mentors, one of which is Darren Hardy.

Steph Shay (01:03:30.305)
And it's when we sit down in sessions with him, there's stuff that he talks to us about that he did a year ago, that he did two years ago, that he did three years ago. Every time Brandon, I write it down, even though I've written it down before. Yeah. And I'm like, man, I'm feeling like I need to write this down. And I feel like I need to, there's something else to learn here. I need to master this. I don't have this yet. So what do I need to learn? What do I need to do to master it? So I think that's one key thing for us. We made a huge pivot in our business in 2019.

Steph Shay (01:03:58.253)
And I think that we were at a point where like, okay, cool. We're definitely experts of understanding aspects of mental toughness and emotional resilience. And then something switched inside of us. And we're like, it's probably great mentoring from great mentors. Was we're like, forget about being an expert. Let's get on the path to mastery. And I don't even care about a title or what it is. I just want to get on the path to mastery because it's that journey of ongoing relentless growth.

Steph Shay (01:04:23.857)
That is awesome. It's one of the reasons why we're here. Yeah, absolutely. I mean, and you know, in a lot of our research and writing our book, Master Your Mind Power, we did 12 years of researching the greats, right? And we use sports and athletics a lot for showing resilience. Or Fortune 100 companies or their executives. Exactly. Now, if you look at some of the greats like the late Kobe Bryant, Master, Master, Tom Brady, Master. They didn't stop when they got to a certain level. No, they kept, they pushed it harder. They just kept going and practicing and practicing and practicing.

Steph Shay (01:04:53.669)
Yep. Every day. Every day they were doing their craft. And that made them a master at what they did. Tom Brady's retired from football. And I'm sure you know what's happening behind the scenes, too. He has an apparel company crushing it. He's got a supplement company crushing it. And just bought his ownership now with the Las Vegas Aces basketball team. This is somebody who's not stopping. Like.

Steph Shay (01:05:16.869)
He's like, he got to a crescendo, a climactic type of experience in life. And it's like, cool. What's my next Superbowl? That's a master. And so for us, winning means mastery, or at least being on the path to mastery and respecting that journey and being okay with being a beginner every day, being okay with rinsing and repeating the same knowledge over and over and over again. Like Jim Rohn says, he goes, it's

Steph Shay (01:05:45.525)
successful people, they do the easy things. There's no problem with the easy things. Yes, they're easy to do, but they're also easy not to do. And so, again, this is this notion of rinsing and repeating. Be okay to do the easy things over and over and over and over and over and over again. And be okay with the monotony, be okay with the boredom. Be okay with that, because that's what the master does. They practice that one kick 10,000 times. That's...

Steph Shay (01:06:15.013)
I think for us, for sure. I don't know if you have anything to add, but I think for us, it's being on the path to mastery. Yeah, no, a hundred percent.

Thebrandonthornhill (01:06:21.134)
That's great. That's great guys. You know, what's my next Super Bowl? I mean, there's so much power in just that. So many people hit a rank and then they take their foot off the gas pedal. So many people achieve a title or they achieve their ultimate goal. Let's just say becoming a seal or whatever. It's like, what's my next, what's my next ridgeline? The guys who went to the moon, you know, they came back and became alcoholics because it's like, what was my next ridgeline?

Steph Shay (01:06:35.184)
Yeah.

Steph Shay (01:06:39.697)
Yeah. Depressed. They lost their purpose. Yeah. Yup. Totally. Totally.

Thebrandonthornhill (01:06:47.174)
So much power in today's podcast. I think it just tells us that we probably need to do another one. Tell everybody, where can they find you? Where can they find your book? If they want to be coached by you guys, where can they find that? Let's give them all the information.

Steph Shay (01:06:55.692)
Let's do it. Yeah. Happy. Honored to do so.

Steph Shay (01:07:07.409)
Yeah, I think, I think what we'd like to do for everybody that's listening is buy everybody a copy of our book. And so all they have to do is go to mindpowerbook.com, one word, mindpowerbook.com. And literally they'll be able to just, we're going to literally buy a copy of our book. It's on Amazon. If somebody wants to do the, the audible version narrated by us, by the way.

Steph Shay (01:07:31.501)
It's a $30 book on Amazon. We'll literally buy everybody a copy of the book if they go to mindpowerbook.com. They just gotta cover shipping. And I think that's a great way for individuals to get introduced to this whole concept known as mind power and to get on the path to mastering, speaking of mastery, mental toughness and emotional resilience, which is mind power. I think the book is a great starting place. And like I said, we'll buy you a copy of the book. Just go to mindpowerbook.com. And then from there,

Steph Shay (01:08:00.893)
You know, there's great opportunities to connect with us post book and look at some of our training programs and you would be on our newsletter list just by getting the book on mindpowerbook.com. And from there we can be in touch and talk about other growth opportunities. But I think the book is the best place to start and it's risk free for buying you a copy cover the shipping and we even say don't like the book. We'll even refund your shipping. Like, so we like to make it risk free. We want to get people to ease into this concept of mind power. And

Steph Shay (01:08:29.765)
You know, just for everyone to know the in the book is a 12 year research project and we studied the likes of top, not only performers in the professional sense, but also in the athletic sense. So a lot of our stories are of Tom Brady. You look at Elon Musk, Richard Branson, Oprah Winfrey, Tiger Woods, Jack Nicklaus, Sarah Blakely, Lindsey Vonn, Carissa Moore, like Olympians, top level athletes, Fortune 100 executives. We also looked at

Steph Shay (01:08:57.849)
individuals that were in special forces and special operation forces and mindset strategies they use like army Rangers and Navy SEALs. Um, we, we also looked at trauma room physicians, uh, individuals who, um, they negotiated multimillion or billion dollar contracts. And it's like, what made them so resilient? So you're going to see in the book, what we do is we take a lot of concepts and give you how like step by step processes of how to do what Navy SEALs did to drop their blood pressure by 20 points, the top number in a, in literally less than a minute.

Steph Shay (01:09:26.993)
what trauma room physicians would do to ease their mind going into having to do triage or a mass casualty or injury event. Like it's the, you'll come out of the book literally with a lot of how to. One of the things that drives us nuts is what the new age movement did, like practice positive thinking or PMA. And most people were left wondering. How do you do it? How do you do it? Or practice gratitude. It feels real good, by the way, true. And we do it daily, but how do you do it?

Steph Shay (01:09:55.385)
And so the whole book is about taking the ethereal and taking the feely good and taking the, what some people would say out there's a little bit new agey and actually giving a substance and scientific backing and then step-by-step processes so that an individual, rather than is left wondering like most people are when they read developmental books saying, how do I do this? We will teach you the step-by-step of how to do it. But you've read our book, you know what we're talking about. So I think the best place to start is with our book and then...

Thebrandonthornhill (01:10:19.714)
Yeah, absolutely.

Steph Shay (01:10:21.829)
You'll be on our newsletter. And then from there, if you want to evolve into Mindpower true mastery, we have different programs that can help you get there. Absolutely. Yeah, and then also just to connect with us on social media, they can go to at Steph and Shay on Instagram. And we do little bite size bits of Mindpower every day. And that's another way that listeners can get to know us.

Thebrandonthornhill (01:10:46.678)
Perfect. I'll put all the links down below as well. So you guys just click on them. And then, yeah, guys, definitely, you know, I've read their book. It's a must read on one of my, on my list of books that you guys have to read. So again, thank you guys for your time. And again, I'm sure I'll have you guys back on and it's always a pleasure.

Steph Shay (01:10:48.421)
Yeah, sweet. Sweet.

Steph Shay (01:11:01.437)
Thanks, brother.

Steph Shay (01:11:04.937)
Hey, best and love to the whole family, man. Thanks for running out. Hi to the fam. All right. Take care.

Thebrandonthornhill (01:11:08.291)
Alright guys, thank you.