Episode 33 - Trans Joy Returns!

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Trans Joy with Erica returns! This week she's joined by Jess, Vanessa and Zach to bring some more uplifting conversation to the mix.

Transcript

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Zach: 0:00

For a political party.

Vanessa: 0:03

I mean, if people want to ask me about it, I'll talk about it. But I don't. There's already been too many episodes lately all about me. And I feel like I'm hogging the spotlight. So I do have news and all sorts of updates. But we can get into that if people want to later. But for now, why don't we wrap up with that? Did you want to start off with that then?

Erica: 0:25

Or no? Well, we can either start or wrap up.

Vanessa: 0:27

Yeah, go for it. I thought you might wrap up.

Erica: 0:33

Not wrap my breath.

Vanessa: 0:37

On it. Okay. Well, then, Erica, since this is your episode, would you like to kick us off? Yeah, for

Erica: 0:45

sure. Hi, everybody. Welcome back to another episode of transcending humanity. I think this is 33. Yes, it's 3333, which is wild. I know, our humble beginnings. And here we are 33 year old. Right. So we're coming back to one of the things we used to do a little bit more regularly through last spring and summer and follow up, we just kind of fell about power, because life is life. So we're gonna be talking about trans joy. As always, with trans joy, we have to make time to celebrate the good things in our life. Because there's so much bad in the in the public eye in the media, in politics, that you could really start to drowned in those feelings, right. And so we start to miss the things that are good. And then we're happy about whether that's euphoria that you're having with your gender, or just good things that have happened in your life. Think it's also always important to share and other people's joy as a community. You know, that's one of the ways in which we look out for each other and raise each other up is in sharing our joy. So we're going to, we're going to talk about that tonight. Hopefully, everybody here has something to express. It's good Zach with us, we would love to hear just your joy as well, Zach, what's happened in your life? So I guess I'll go first, I've got a couple of things. And then I have a few things that I've sourced from some friends around the interwebs. So the first thing for me is that I'm really excited about I have been working on a dei certification through Cornell University. And I am almost done. I am in the midst of my last class, which should wrap up in two weeks. And I'll have that certification. Yeah, I'm very excited about that. And yes, it is. And I plan to focus on the tech space. Right. So I've got a lot of friends that work in dei across various industries. And one of the things they have said universally, there's not really people approaching the AI practices from a tech lens. So my goal is to help companies learn how to build inclusively, instead of exclusively, most often, as a person who works in tech is in the halls of technology. We're building for abstract people. But really, we're really just thinking about the finger pressing the button in our apps, and that's not a good way to think about people. And when you think about that way, then you're building for whoever's in the room, which is typically a 35 year old white guy. Right. So it's really, really hard to because those are the people in the room, right? Yeah. So the hard to make sure we're building tech that includes people instead of excludes people. So I want to help companies start to really focus on those efforts, use our innovation, to drive inclusion and belonging and help change the landscape, right. And we've seen some incidences of this like where we've seen like the apples and the Googles of the world and get behind massive social justice issues and help change them and sometimes not. So jumping into that being someone, there's not very many people like me that want to do that in tech. So that's one thing. I'm excited about doing. Somebody that happened just earlier tonight, before jumping on the show, I was returning from the grocery store, because it's going to snow again, here in the DC area tomorrow. So we'll have probably two more into this. And Tomorrow's the day yesterday. Tomorrow's the day we normally go the store so we didn't want to deal with it. And while we were there, we ran into two friends that you know, basically, their kids and our candidates are involved in some of the same youth leagues and youth groups. And so we've seen these people quite a lot and gotten to know them. And the wife is this girl. She's like, we're literally standing in the produce Island and holding bananas. That's you know, Erica, I love your style. Every time I see you, you're always very well put together. You're very stylish, and I just I love it. And I feel frumpy next you would you go shopping with me and help me find my style. And I was like, you know, like, clutching the pearls gasp and it was really affirming and really exciting to have as this woman be like, you know what you're doing? Could you help me. So I love that. And then like, a third thing is I've really been working on increasing my group of my squad, my group of friends, I have people like Jess and Vanessa and getting to know Zack, my ward, other people have been on the show. But recently, I've added two scouts to my group that I feel really comfortable with, and really home with until very included with and I just, I love having people that are like besties In My Squad. And a couple of months ago, I got connected with a girl in the UK, who's trans hat, who's a friend of the show, she's never been on the show. And I talked to her almost every day. And it's just really nice to continue to build other female friends that are trans or sis. And feel like my worldview matches so many other women's worldview. And I just want to call that out how good it is. Get out there, make those friends make them internet. Pat's introduced me to other people in the UK. So I have more friends in the UK than I ever thought I would have. And I might go there this year to visit all these people. So I just love making prints. I have some other sources to share from other people. But if one of y'all wants to go for a while, we can jump to that.

Vanessa: 6:29

Let's do Zack. Next, Zach,

Erica: 6:31

what's happening in your world? What are you happy about?

Zach: 6:34

I mean, honestly, I've been thinking about everything that's been going on with me from my advocacy in the disability community, to me reaching new mediums to speak out, such as this podcast and other podcasts as well. To really just having job security, having a roof over my head, living in an expensive neighborhood that I should not be able to afford. But can because I live in New York. So New York City's Upper East Side. No way, is no joke. How expensive shit is out here.

Vanessa: 7:14

Wow.

Zach: 7:16

So I consider myself an anomaly. Because I should not be able to live here and live comfortably. But I've been here for three years now. So I think my joy isn't just one thing. It's that I'm at a point in my life where I'm content with everything. And it's been a long time coming for me to feel this way. I got time. I mean, a long time.

Vanessa: 7:48

So many people can never even achieve that. Right. And the fact that you were there at such a young age, Zach, that is amazing. me young.

Erica: 8:00

We're all young here. Yeah, that's, that's amazing. Zach, I when I got to that point in my life, where I felt secure, when I can count on the paycheck coming in every week and count on making rent or mortgage and paying all the bills. And then when I got to the point of having like, just a little bit of extra like it was such a weight lifted and and it realizes how much paycheck to paycheck are being less than paycheck to paycheck for me am I was such a stressor. So I always celebrate people when they find that sense of security in their lives and get things stable and feel like they can thrive. Yeah.

Zach: 8:41

And I've got a small circle of close friends, which is really all I need. Because I'd rather have a small, a small circle of close friends and a bunch of acquaintances. Yeah. So, you know, things are, things are at a high point for me right now. But I wasn't gonna stop because there's always There's always more room for me to go. But

Erica: 9:08

I would love to, like dial in on that really quickly. So it's something that I've kind of wrestled with from time to time as well. Like, when I'm feeling content, or especially secure in my world. I feel like where did my advocacy go? Like, how do you? How do you like? And I'm starting to realize like, I don't need a sense of like my world falling apart to be an advocate. But there's a part of me that I've tied to that. Like, how do you how do you manage that?

Zach: 9:38

Oh, I just basically look at wildlife. And ask myself, why can't other people have this? Yeah. Why do they have to work as hard as me or harder than me to get tonight and get to this point, but to get to somewhere like it I mean, really, people should get what they need, when they need it. And I think we're just overworked and hired and stressed. I don't think like, that's how people should be. I'm not saying you shouldn't work, but you really shouldn't spend your life you really shouldn't work to live. Yeah. Yeah, everybody is doing now.

Erica: 10:34

Having your needs met, up and really having your needs met really sounds like a basic human. Right. And I know, because capitalism, it's not here and in many other places, right? That's a lot of the roots go to because capitalism. And it's wild to me the amounts that people have to struggle to get just covered the basics in their life, in a society that has sent people to the moon, that we carry the world's knowledge in the pocket of our pants and a phone. And those are the things like, I'm glad that you said that, because that's reminding me of when I think about how good my life is, and how much ease there is, as a trans person, it really fires me up to be like, it should be that way for everybody. Yeah. Oh, which is in its own sense, since the joy like purpose is joy, right?

Vanessa: 11:36

It is so

Zach: 11:37

hard for people to find a sense of purpose, or just a hobby. Today, I hear a lot I hear a lot of this was especially young men that feel like they're isolated from their group, or they don't have a purpose or passion. So they just kind of sit. And they while and it really just it shouldn't, it shouldn't be that way. Yeah.

Erica: 12:07

I agree that the fellowship that men don't have, is, is quite problematic. And I'm glad that I've transitioned into a lot more fellowship than I used to have. But then, like, you know, not to kind of get off topic with Joe here, you know, those those of our part of our family that are non binary and leaning mask or trans mask, like, this is something that they expressed to me, I'm just here to talk about it. But, you know, kind of feeling like you lose that, how do you maintain how you build those circles of community within your local area? Because I think that's what a lot of people are missing.

Jess: 12:48

Yeah, I don't know. I'm curious too, with like, I mean, I definitely think that there's a push for that for more masculine leaning folks or men in society, because of like, just the expectations of toughness and independence and whatever. But if you don't have an updated

Zach: 13:09

definition of masculinity for the 21st century, that's the problem. Yeah,

Jess: 13:14

well, and I also wonder, like, how I've pondered on how technology has affected that, you know, mostly in a negative way. And I mean, you know, social media, but even just the, the, kind of the comfort that we've all gotten used to being so isolated, or having that be more routine. And, you know, it's something kind of really struck me, it was sometime last year, and I think it was, I was reading some article about virtual reality. And, you know, Google and meta both developing like the VR glasses are the AR glasses, the VR glasses, what the difference is, and all that stuff, and, and kind of somebody kind of bringing up the point that one of the obviously writers and one of the articles I was reading, saying, like, you know, you're really we're really already pretty much living in a virtual reality. I mean, if you think about it, there's a lot of platforms that we use that are basically little tiny virtual reality. Universe in general. Yeah, and I mean, but the way that it is right now, it's like, I mean, social media even it's like, they're all their own little virtual reality. You know, and yeah, you may not be able to drop in as an avatar and look around in this whole virtual reality scape, but like, mentally you are kind of in a dark, like millions of other people. Right. Yeah. Yeah. And, and I think that I think that's something that has, even though there are ways that technology, and even social media can be positive, I mean, this is a really good example of how we're using technology right now in a way that I feel like it's really positive to, to come together and collaborate. You know, At this moment, the four of us to come together as a group, for this kind of for this podcast for this venture as a larger group, you know, and using the platforms that enable us to do that, and all of that, but it's like, I think that people in general have become more isolated. And I think that specifically, men, masculine leaning folks, and young people are specifically like have feel even more of the negative effects of that. I think I think it just seems like it's exacerbated in those groups as well, of like that isolation.

Zach: 15:35

Oh, my question is, if you're transitioning from a man to a woman or vice versa? How does that affect your definition of what, of what masculinity or femininity? Is?

Erica: 15:55

That's a great question. Anybody want to feel that one

Vanessa: 15:58

that just kind of broke my brain?

Erica: 16:02

Well, I'll give it a stab. As, as someone who's gone from what the world thought was a guy to actually reeling themselves as a woman, I always struggled in masculinity. Zakon. And in masculine spaces I always shared, I expressed too many emotions. I wanted to discuss too many deep topics. I had to learn about sports that I didn't care about in order to fit in. I had to learn not to cry in front of other people. And control my hand movements, I always talk with my hands. If you had met me prior to now most people assumed that I was good. Because I had a very sort of effeminate personality. And it was really just that was all I was working my ass off to mask that as much as possible. So for me, I think it's not so much that I changed my idea of what masculinity was as much as I let go of the fact that I didn't fit into it.

Vanessa: 17:15

I can definitely, definitely feel that, like, throughout my life, I have always gravitated towards hanging out with women. And just being around guys, just the dude speak and you know, just fucking drove me crazy. And even as an employer, I found myself hiring way more women than I did men, because I didn't want to be around all that. All that macho testosterone bullshit. So and now I know why.

Erica: 17:48

Yeah, I've always had like, like, like, you bet. As a more female friends than elephants. I didn't have good male friends. But interestingly, the male friends that I've been stuck around are the ones that were interested in deep conversations and sharing emotionally, though none of them Well, none of them had said to me, but they were people that could meet me on that level that are the ones that I was I was close to. But I also think that I had to let go have some some ideas of what it meant to be a woman as well. You know, because when you're thinking about, Oh, I don't fit in and should I be this or that I had to sort of grow into that when I gave myself permission. Yeah, right. You know, I think and a lot of us go through, go through, I had to find my, I had to find my way. And I you know, hear it two years in. I'm still discovering new things every day. I'm like, I was just talking to my partner the other day about, I'm trying to explore the ways in which I need to allow myself to be softer, but also allowed myself to be more direct and firmer. As a woman, like sort of drawing the line between it's not masculine or feminine. It's the qualities of softness and strong Ness. Right.

Vanessa: 19:04

That's such a

Erica: 19:08

what do you say? Vanessa?

Vanessa: 19:09

Said, that's legit.

Erica: 19:10

Yeah. What about you just?

Jess: 19:14

Well, I'm non binary. So I mean, I think it's just all made up. You know?

Erica: 19:18

It's all made up. Well, what's, I guess, just sort of reframe Zach's question, what's been your experience of like, Hey, don't wait, that

Jess: 19:29

or that. Yeah, no, I mean, I think um, I think that my feelings around it have shifted a little bit because I mean, I haven't. I went through you know, sometimes people talk about before people, sometimes before people transition, they go through like a hyper, like a hyper gender phase where they, they're trying they kind of are trying to assimilate to the gender they were born into, right before they are finally like, okay, you know, I really tried really hard and I just can't do it, I'm trans, you know, like, I'm this is just really not me. And that was just all way, you know, way too much of a painful performance. I think that like, I went through that when I was like a teenager and you know, really came out very an androgynous when I pretty much came out as queer, you know, and that was like, was using those terms like androgynous and genderqueer, and all of that. So it's like, I feel like I was kind of have had kind of already rejected femininity in the, in the kind of standards that are imposed on girls are those ideas of women, but it's like, at the same time, like, I never, I never felt like I, you know, really fit any of those masculine stereotypes, either it really, I've always just, I personally have always just been a blend, you know, and that's me, as far as what I think of it, you know, I think there's I do think that like, you know, our construction of masculinity and femininity, I think that there's strength in that, and there's positive aspects of both. But I do also think that it is one of the big kind of downfalls of our current society that we, that we box people in, in certain in certain ways, you know, that you can't be that it's that it's hard to be soft and strong as a woman, or it's hard to be, you know, sensitive as a man without feeling like you're betraying femininity, or masculinity. And I think when I really came around to like, owning my trans SNESs, in, you know, the last several years, it's been a, some of that has been, like, realizing that I don't like a lot of the negative aspects of masculinity. And so I haven't wanted to own that, as much, I really had wanted to stay in this very, very androgynous lesbian space, but also recognizing that like, that really wasn't my truth either. And that I really was very much, you know, a trans kid and had been layered a lot of kind of various masking on top of that, to try to survive, and, you know, get into adulthood and get my own life going. And so, you know, kind of finding a way to, like, take that take the positive aspects of masculinity for me, and, and be able to, like, lean into those more, which some of that has been very, like, I mean, just even physical, you know, or just like working out, you know, actually being working towards getting the medical procedures that I wanted, things like that. But, um, but at the same time, it's like, for me, there's always this aspect of like, I will, I will always be kind of soft, in certain ways, like, like, I mean, just with, like, in friendships, or, you know, with my kid, like, I'm always going to be I mean, I'll like be, you know, firm, but like, soft, and that's, you know, if that's an aspect of femininity, can you know, if that's still considered feminine, that's probably to me, like, the way that I'm still feminine is the way that I can be like, kind of more emotionally soft, not in the way that I'm like, bribing a lot or something, because that has shifted now, you know, it's like, I mean, it's like, it's always always like, Aaron Reed always gets me you know, but, but like, um, but, you know, even just, and not being quite so emotionally volatile as I as I used to feel with different hormones in my system. But, but definitely still not wanting to let go of any of that softness, that I think is part of something that is hard for masculine people to own.

Erica: 24:17

You know, there really is like a, it really is a process of shedding what is not true about you to uncover what is true, right, what I mean, there's a lot more to it than that, but at the core, that's kind of what we're talking about, which, as it's always wild to me when people have such a problem with us because if you can't identify with shedding what's untrue about yourself to embrace what's true, like I don't, what are you doing on this planet, man? Right. So, but yeah, I love that tape. Just like how are we? How do we disconnect femininity from softness and masculinity, for instance, Right, how do you embrace those qualities within yourself regardless of your gender expression?

Vanessa: 25:08

The societal norms just they just, the society is so completely obsessed with a binary. And our non binary friends just smashed that, and it makes people uncomfortable. I personally think it's absolutely amazing. The society lives in the past so much, and we could get dragged back by one thing or another. But if anything, we're just the next step in human evolution. So I mean, I

Zach: 25:42

think it all has to do with grasping on to concepts. And if people hear a concept, but they don't have a visual to grasp it with, then they're going to view it as a negative because they don't understand. Like, this is what I meant, when I first met you and started leaving comments on your post about how first it was gay rights and gay marriage in the 2000 10s. And I think the 2020s is going to be society's transition to acceptance of the trans and non binary community. Because it takes it takes time to get to the front of the public consciousness that you're here. So I think, you know, this is all part of that. That part part of the transition of the LGBTQ ai plus community fully into the American consciousness.

Vanessa: 26:42

I hope you're right, my friend. I hope you're right.

Jess: 26:47

I think that's pretty accurate, though. Because I mean, I mean, first of all, the a lot of the pushback the right wing is the playbook is very, I mean, it's like the same thing. It's like the same playbook. It's like all arguments, a lot of the same no

Zach: 27:02

way we could have this conversation if we're if we've been 10 years ago.

Jess: 27:07

I guess it's already shifted over. Yeah. Well, the other thing is, it's it's, you know, the what the resistance is its own tell that, and we, you know, we've discussed, I think it was maybe in the last episode that you all talked about, like how the, it's not, it's really not likely that it's, you know, it's not like there are really all that many people against trans people, it's the vocal few that are the extreme. Right. And really, what it is, is, is it the, the fact that the conservatives think it will drive people to the polls, you know, that this is the issue that they actually pulled on several different issues. Before coming into, even before these last election cycles, I feel like it was maybe I'm not gonna say the years, right, but I know, it was, like, after 2016 that they started to do some polling on some different issues within conservative side of politics. And it basically was that, you know, people would come out to, to speak out against trans people. And I think it's to your point, Zack, like more of the idea of like, it's the unknown. And so it's going to be like, Well, no, I don't want that, you know, kind of almost in like a while kind of in like, a NIMBY way. But you know, even in the, the same vein that people would come out against homosexuality, when, when so many people were in the closet, and it just wasn't as known. And it just wasn't as as prevalent in society. But it's definitely that the noise about it is is more of just kind of like a flag. I think that you know, just that trans people happen to be the current scapegoat for the Conservative Party, but it's also a sign I think that society is turning and, and this is kind of like, the whole the, you know, people digging in their heels. But way even more than that, you know, I think it is just a hopefully a failing, it really seems like in a lot of ways it's a failing mechanism to try to to try to like, pull together a republican party that is like falling apart. Pretty much.

Vanessa: 29:33

It's absolutely shredded, shredded.

Erica: 29:36

Yeah, I am. I'm old enough to remember the gay panic in the age crisis of the 80s and 90s. My dad, my dad's gay, came out in the 70s. And I remember watching him go through that trying to navigate life as a business owner in Atlanta. As a somewhat out gay man with a partner always introduces his business partner I don't think anybody ever bought that my, my stepdad was his business partner. And, you know, it was it was sort of wild to grow up in that time knowing all of their friends growing up with drag queens in the house effectively, but also watching them a few drop like flies because of the AIDS crisis and sort of hearing. I know that message. I know that message, same one they're using today, which is the same one they use in the civil rights movement, which is the same one they use during McCarthyism, right, it's just the same recycled message that's thinly veiled white nationalism, right. And I know we've already taken like this dark turn away from joy. But it is a support message. It's important in order to fund this study, and I don't know if I've mentioned on here before, but I came across something recently that during times of national or global crisis, so think about COVID. Think about 911. And think about Vietnam, World War Two, were the Great Depression were won, many, many, many countries turns towards nationalism and xenophobia, and particularly white nationalism as a way as a response to the fear of the world and getting out of control. And what coincides with that every time is coming out against marginalized communities. Right? It is, it is a direct route. So we just given a COVID. So that's another reason why it is a hot topic. Because nations have turned towards like, I need to really take care of myself right now. Which breeds white nationalism and breeds xenophobia, that fear starts to sell. And eventually, it recedes. And then we all kind of go about our business and we start to make strides again. But every time that there's going, every time there's a national or global crisis, we see this happen like clockwork. And I, my hope is that throughout time, eventually respond to it less and less and less by going after the people that have the least. Alright, anyways, that's my soapbox. Who else has to share today?

Vanessa: 32:08

I guess I can go. On the first things is, throughout all this mess of me being infamous in the national media over the past two weeks, and it's starting up again. The outpouring of support that I've heard from so many people is absolutely wonderful. Having the opportunity to talk to Aaron and Zoe was, like, that was like, ultimate fan girl moment for me to be able to do that. And so I'm trying not to abuse the fact that I have Aaron's phone number now. But you know, I do texture updates on what's going on here in Ohio. So, but that's pretty cool. Yeah, it is. But yeah, just being able to actually talk about the trans experience here in Ohio, to people and try to get the word out is is major. There was an excellent, I was interviewed by extra magazine out of it's a queer magazine in Canada. And they wrote a lovely article. And it was a great article, yeah, is written by a trans person. And you can just see that perspective, you know, laid out in there. And just that kind of stuff does give me hope. And the amount of as I said, the amount of outpouring of support I've had from so many strangers, really helps drown out all the bad because I'm one of those people that still, you know, you never read the comments. I still read the comments and you know, that can that can do a number on you're on your brain but my other trans joy is I had sex for the first time a couple of weeks ago. I lost my my second Virginia. Yeah, I lost my second virginity. Oh, yeah, I post up so I know. I no longer have a penis. It was not with someone with a penis. It was with someone with with an AFib person, but it was

Zach: 34:29

real life. Yeah, I

Vanessa: 34:31

know. Right. So I'm still learning to be comfortable with my body and that kind of situation. But it was transformative, I guess you can say after two years when NASA finally got laid, and it was yeah,

Jess: 34:52

it transformative is a great word.

Vanessa: 34:54

Yeah, isn't it because like, I don't know how it is once you started tea. I don't know. Like where the nerve endings and stuff change for you, but like, everything's different estrogen rewires everybody's your nipples. And I have a clitoris now. And that thing's fun. And orgasms are different. And everything's different. So, yeah, that that was my

Zach: 35:24

communicate before or during? What do you mean? About how to? Because you said it was your first time? So did you communicate with the person about where your limits are? Where you can push boundaries? Or did you do that during? Oh?

Vanessa: 35:43

Well, we kept it fairly vanilla, just because I'm still pretty recently posted up and things that stuck be fragile down there. So, but it was more of a exploratory venture than anything. So honestly, I would much rather have someone scratch my back then have sex, but that's just me. So.

Zach: 36:05

But it's in the back feels like it. Yeah, no. I

Vanessa: 36:10

mean, because the for years, all of the all the sex I've had in the past was when people thought I was a guy. And I, a lot of trans women echo this in that our sex drive for a lot of us seemed to be less about having sex and more about being with a naked person have the body that you wanted to have. And so now, actually, since I have that body, or working on having that body, my priorities can change for it. So like, before, when I had sex, I just wanted to get it over with so I could just, you know, have the afterglow and just cuddle and just enjoy the person. Now, it's different. So.

Erica: 37:05

Well, that's very good news. very joyful news. We love that for you to NASA.

Vanessa: 37:11

So that was a nice distraction from all this bullshit going on, though, I think, action now. So welcome to Women who

Erica: 37:21

just did you give us an enjoy? I don't recall.

Jess: 37:24

I don't think I've gone yet. I don't know how I could follow that up, possibly. But I'm going to try

Erica: 37:32

to come after that one.

Jess: 37:34

Yeah, no, I mean, different direction. Well see, I was hoping I could come I could come down tonight and say, you know, trans joint hair cut, because that's always a really simple one for me. But again, I'm, I'm very fuzzy up here, because it's cold. I'm gonna I'm gonna get through that this next week or so. But, um, let's

Vanessa: 37:54

see, what's the pair? Yeah,

Jess: 37:55

that's kind of Yeah, it happens. But yeah, I think my biggest part of trend, you know, my biggest point of joy and I do have a connection to trans joy has been I, I mentioned, the last time I was on the podcast that I had this course, I was gonna launch actually launched two online courses, through the organization that I founded last year, and I finally got those out, I've been working on those for like, six months. So that was just a huge, huge project to get out the door, which was a big deal. And I kind of it's, it's was a really cool project, obviously, I'm super, like, relieved that it's published, and it's out there. And I can focus on other things related to it, mostly, like doing some social posts and trying to get people to actually know that the site exists at this point. But the I think, for me, really, the the biggest thing about it was kind of really just getting right with myself and the whole process. And I think a lot of that, for me is like how it connects specifically to actually to like my transness because I feel like before I really own that label, and really felt like I am totally authentic, and I'm like, proud to call myself trans there was a part of myself that I was kind of holding back. And, and it came across in all sorts of ways and a part of like, kind of a part of my brain that was not as free as it is now. I didn't have as I didn't feel like I had as much capacity as I did. And it was also just like confidence. And I don't think that that's like the hormones as much as it's like the decision to transition and whatever that looks like for me the decision to be on this journey and, and and really love myself to the fullest and like to me, I feel think that like, without that process, I don't know, if I ever would have launched these courses, because I don't think I would have really believed in myself 100% I think I would have been holding back in a way or like, you know, somewhat like related unrelated to this trans journey for me has been the last few years letting go of like my own workaholic tendencies and kind of perfectionism tendencies, and like, this project has taken a really long time to get out the door. But it also, I also kind of just own the fact that like, I sometimes am more methodical, and like, I, it's this, this whole organization for me is like, it's just me, it's like, I've just self funded it, I don't have anybody else, you know, breathing down my neck on a timeline or anything like that. And that aspect of it has allowed me to just be like, you know, what, I'm on vacation this week, I'm actually not going to work on this thing every night, or, you know, like, my kids sick this week, I'm gonna let this go, I'm gonna put this down, it'll be there. When I come back, you know, when I have time for it. And kind of that part of it again, with like, really recognizing, and being able to love myself and feel authentic, you know, has just been awesome to just like, to just like, push through it, but not from that perspective of kind of how I used to approach work. Which is luckily, how I, I no longer approach work that way. So, so that's been really fun. And that's just been a really big, a big deal. But also just me kind of recognizing that, that for me, living my truth has just opened my life up in so many ways to just be more comfortable. And, and it also really has invigorated that kind of side of advocacy that I've had put down for a really long time, I was like a really big advocate and kind of activist when I was a teenager. And and then in high school, I was like, working on starting a gay straight alliance, like pre 2000 in like a private school in Georgia. Like, it's like, a lot of intense stuff, you know. And then I like, had some traumatic stuff happen towards the end of high school and just kind of I felt like really dropped that activism, that advocacy, and really just became more focused on myself, which is what I needed to do at the time. But I just really feel like that has turned around and kind of felt that energy again, to like to be to be more active in the community, and also just to be more of an advocate. So yeah, that's been it for me.

Erica: 42:43

Hey, we love that. All sounds good. Definitely want to call out the workaholic madness as a distraction from what's going on in your life. Like, hey, if you're workaholic, that's great. Don't use it as a distraction from what's happening, particularly trans people. It's one of the things that we do. Okay, I'm going to turn to some of the messages I got. And then I think we're going to get maybe an update from Vanessa and all of the politics in her life. And so a friend of mine, Christie in the UK, finally got to start on gender affirming care, officially instead of having to do it DIY. So congratulations, Christy. We love that for you. My friend Kat, who I mentioned earlier, actually was in she's trans. She was in discourse on LinkedIn somewhere and was talking about why it's important to use your pronouns and got assumed to be CES and she just thoroughly loved that by by a troll. That's awesome. She was like, I'm not gonna fuck you. I think we all have to recognize the amazingness that was Pedro and lo flex this week at the Emmys. Right. That was such good stuff. Weirdly, there's been a lot of kerfuffle about that online with various people saying it was not enough representation somehow. That's the camp you're in like y'all, y'all are watching the wrong

Vanessa: 44:10

podcast. Yeah, coming up on.

Erica: 44:13

And then another friend of mine, Jen that just sort of talked about things in a more sort of general sense. And that she just has been experiencing tons of joy when she sees that who she is as a trans woman is reflected back to her by the people around her essentially that other people are seeing her the way she sees herself and how important it is to acknowledge that but also she said that come to the point where Sue celebrating her her trans this the fact that she's a trans woman and being that as beautiful and being seen as beautiful in her transness. So that's also important to call out. I think it's wonderful when people assume or system or not. It's wonderful to be given affirmations to being beautiful or handsome. But when people can celebrate your transness and see the beauty of who you are, I think it's one of the most, most affirming things that there is the most. So that's, yeah. So, but otherwise, unless someone has something they want to say, let's turn it back over to Vanessa and see what's happening in the world of Oh, I do. Politics.

Vanessa: 45:21

Officer. Anyone else have something before I start yammering?

Jess: 45:25

I will just throw in one thing. I just saw something right before we started, which is that, and I just saw a clip of it. It was on threads. But a Lok has a film. That's a short maybe that's it, Sundance, I believe. And I just saw a few clips of it. I believe they said it was their first Sundance. I should have paid more attention to it if I was going to mention it. Anyway, check it out. It looks just the clips that I saw. Were really cool. I'm sure I'm not the only a local fan here, but they are just like, so wonderful. And always like just like, you know, a minute of a clip and I was coming out of that, like totally inspired. So

Vanessa: 46:05

I've never even heard of them. So

Erica: 46:07

oh, just you

Jess: 46:08

should you should look. Huge,

Erica: 46:11

huge activist. And they really come at people with love even when they're being awful. Well, that's amazing. isn't quite as popular. elope.

Jess: 46:22

How do you spell that? Hello, Al. Okay. Now, okay. Yeah. spends

Erica: 46:28

a lot of time with Jonathan Van Ness and Bill Mulvaney and people of that level.

Jess: 46:35

Done some interviews with Mr. Jones.

Erica: 46:37

Yes, Mr. Jones. That

Vanessa: 46:40

vibe here for the people viewing? And yes, there it is. Oh, yes. Yeah, we

Jess: 46:47

love a look. pretty

Vanessa: 46:49

badass. And

Erica: 46:51

they have they have a couple of books out some two books of poetry. And I think penguin asked them to do a book on gender.

Jess: 47:01

Yes. And it's a short one. And it's really good. I first audiobook and it was like about an hour long. But yeah, it's a it's a short book. I think it's I think it's actually beyond the binary or the on beyond the gender binary. Yeah. Yeah. But there if you if you need to hit a trans Joy Lok always does it for me.

Vanessa: 47:22

Look, I look. I just want to keep on saying like elope. I love love, love.

Erica: 47:27

And also they are into high end fashion. Yes. In all of their lungs. Yes. Anyways, okay. Back over to Vanessa.

Vanessa: 47:36

Okay, well, hello, everybody. So, last week, I talked about my candidacy and all the fun stuff. If you didn't hear that one, just as a catch up. I was running for office for the Ohio House of Representatives. And while I had enough signatures to get on the ballot, there is a very, very little known law in Ohio that states that if you have changed your name within the past five years, you have to put your former name, or in my case, my dead name on the petitions. And the issue being with this is that the candidate guide has no information about that on it at all. The petitions have no place to put that on there. Most of the boards of election don't even know that this law exists. Sounds like the Secretary of State didn't really know that it existed. The Democratic Party didn't know that it existed. But I was singled out by my someone at my board of elections. Because I turned in my name change paperwork with it too. Because when you're Chad, when you're trans, when you change your name, you just automatically bring your name change thing whenever there's anything government related. So yeah, Erica, your face? Yeah,

Erica: 48:50

you just have a copy in your bag. Exactly.

Vanessa: 48:53

So I was disqualified to this law because I didn't put my former name on there. There are four trans candidates in Ohio currently. And two other ones are trans women who also recently changed their names and also did not know about this law, and also did not put their former names on their petitions. So I was instantly disqualified. And I have some juicy details on that I'll get into in a second. But the other two were certified to be able to be on the ballot. But then once the news of my disqualification became national, like the last episode we recorded on a Wednesday, which is day after I got disqualified, and by Friday, I was on MSNBC live. Like it blew up fast. I had no idea that would happen. And so the other two candidates got called into their boards of elections this week. Bobby Arnold was called in on Tuesday and Aryan shield tree was called into Today, and both of them were allowed to remain on the ballot, their boards of elections, which are bipartisan mind you, and for in Bobby's case, the head of the board was firmly on her side, and he's a Republican. So just that they don't all hate us. But they said that this information was not communicated to the candidates and that the candidate should be able to continue to run. Even Governor dewine, who is famously in a trance, he's currently trying to make it impossible for trans adults and children to get gender affirming care in the state. Even he spoke out saying that this law is unfair to trans people, and it should not be keeping us off the ballot. So my update is, is I was disqualified the day before we recorded our last episode. Then the week later, I went in for a hearing where they disqualified me again, they wouldn't hear it. So they're like, No, this the law is law. So go suck a rock or something or something that I got whatever. So and then afterwards, I heard that they, they wanted to leave it up to the courts. They didn't want it to be their decision. So but then that was last week, and this week, the other two candidates were allowed to stay on the ballot. So now I am the only one still disqualified. And here's where the juicy details come in. The head of the stark County Democratic Party, a guy named Dimitrios blue Assad's, I do not know how to pronounce his last name. It's a long Creek last name. But throughout my entire signature campaign where I was trying to build up my signatures, I reached out to him because head of the Democratic Party in my county you think that he would want to be involved with candidates? Nothing. I could not get a hold of him. I was only given his email address. They would not give me his phone number. And he didn't respond. They respond I'm like great. Okay, I guess I'll do this alone. Answers I'm not the only one they didn't respond to either. There's other candidates as well, that he didn't respond to so but I heard through the grapevine and let me back up a second Dimitrios in addition to being the chairman of the stark county Democrats is also one of the four board members at the stark county board of elections. So he voted against my candidacy twice I've been chatting I've been making acquaintances I can say with a number of reporters and I've been talking to one from the plane dealer. And he told me yesterday or the day before it all runs together now that he had been told that Dimitrios was not a fan of me running, he did not want to meet me to be a candidate. So what it appears to be is a member of my own party worked against me to the point where the Republican in my district is now most likely running uncontested that there's supposedly a Democrat right in but who knows. So I've informed the Ohio Democratic caucus about this and they're pretty alarmed, to say the least. So they're trying to figure out what's going on with that, but I'm getting notes of discrimination. Especially since one of my LinkedIn followers reached out to me and said, look up person's name. Steph pull Assad's Well, let's say I don't know how to pronounce the name. I'm sorry. But Steph goes by she they Steph is Dimitrios is child, I am assuming since Steph is very big on pronouns and posts on pronouns and stuff like that. That stuff is non binary. So my theory, my conspiracy brain is thinking that Demetrius is not proud of having a trans child. And it's taking that bias and bigotry towards other people in the community. Because I don't see why he would personally have a problem with me. My first correspondence with him was saying, hey, because he had he's, he just took over the the as chair because I guess the last guy was even worse. And the website was a complete mess. I said, Hey, I'll pop in. I'll fix your website for you. No charge, you know, just be volunteer on my part. Nothing didn't hear anything. So I wrote a letter today. Right after I heard that Ariane was allowed to stay on the ballot, in that I am now the sole disqualified candidate. I wrote a rather scathing letter to the board of elections and hand delivered it well Where I straight up called out to me trios and call it out my suspicion of discrimination. So, yeah, it's, we'll see what happens here. If they're gonna stick to their guns, the reporters keep calling the Board of Elections over and over and over again, trying to get a statement. The Board of Elections says, don't talk to us talk to the Secretary of State. So then the reporter is called the Secretary of State's office, the Secretary of State says this is not up to us. This is in the hands of the individual boards of election. So the reporters are just being sent an endless circle, and no one can get an answer. But I'm hoping someone here will be able to get an answer soon. How they respond to my letter will be very telling, I requested another review based on the fact that two other candidates have been allowed to remain on the ballot. And that stark county is now the sole outlier on that. So we'll see. I do I think it'll do anything. Probably not. But I figured I would be remiss if for not just myself, but for the community at large. My district, everybody, if I didn't at least try so.

Erica: 56:14

Yeah. Well, good on you for writing a letter calling it out. Continuing to make it an issue. Right. It's it sounds like a pretty open and close case for discrimination. We shall see hopes happens, but

Vanessa: 56:27

I mean, it's, you would think that Dimitrios after I became national to international news, you think I would have heard from the guy as the head of the Democratic Party. In my, in my area, you know, with all this news going on, like I thought the news cycle would die out quickly. But it's two weeks later, and I'm still getting interviewed. So whatever this is, is big enough that it's causing waves to the point where the governor now knows who I am. So yeah. So how

Zach: 56:59

much of this do you think is in violation of human rights? Because I mean, did you think you need to go to Ohio human rights law? Well,

Vanessa: 57:14

the queer community is not protected in Ohio. We're one of the states that we're not so we can be discriminated against. But I'm working with the Ohio Democratic Party to try to secure legal representation to at least challenge the law. And go from there. So because the fact that the law was has been enforced unevenly on different people, so it was enforced against me and then not against the other candidates. So that right there is a flag that there's a problem there. So yeah, absolutely. That's it's a civil rights thing,

Jess: 57:48

I think. Yeah. That's pretty clear. I mean, even beyond the yes, even beyond the, you know, trans or queer, LGBTQ discrimination, that is its own thing, the the uneven application of the law. And I mean, just the fact that the one your board of elections is trying to uphold the law, without properly notifying the, you know, without having proper notification for the candidates. Yeah, running is just pretty clearly, you know, wrong, like plainly. And, and, and it's, and it's interesting, because it's, you know, now it's a bigger deal because of how they've handled it. Yeah. You know, which is good for you. And, and, you know, maybe eventually for your candidacy, even the next go around, if you wanted to do it again, but if you're not allowed to run this time, but yeah, it's, um, I mean, yeah, just that clear, as you said, uneven application of the laws is, I mean, that just shouldn't be upheld.

Vanessa: 58:56

Yeah, exactly. So now, the law has to be amended somehow, before the November election. Because even though the candidates and if I'm allowed to run, even if I'm allowed to run and get on, if I got elected, we would technically be illegally elected. Because the law states that anyone who violates the law is to be immediately removed from office and have to pay back their entire salary. So something is going to have to happen within the next few months to sort this out. So.

Erica: 59:33

All right, well, thank you for the update on what's happening. I know that you will continue to keep us posted and we'll probably start to see you show up and more interviews. If you just follow

Vanessa: 59:43

me on Instagram, and Australia. You know, I keep that's where I do most of my updates. So.

Erica: 59:52

Alright, well, I think that's it for our episode. A little bit of joy, a little bit of politics a little bit. of human rights all one episode. So I think that I think that's it for us. I just want to thank everybody for coming on tonight and sharing the joy with me but also talking about politics.

Vanessa: 1:00:13

Thank you. Don't forget like, comment, subscribe. Tell people about the show. We need some patrons. We're losing patrons. We're supposed to be getting more not losing them.

Erica: 1:00:23

Yeah, suddenly internationally famous woman here, right? Come on.

Vanessa: 1:00:27

Send us your $5 a month. I mean, come on. It's just five bucks fee.

Erica: 1:00:31

So easy. That's from Starbucks. Exactly.

Vanessa: 1:00:35

Exactly. So whatever we got. Thank you, everyone. Anyone have any closing thoughts?

Jess: 1:00:46

Stay cool. Keep your heads up. Rock on. Stay

Erica: 1:00:50

cool. All right. Keep your heads up.

Vanessa: 1:00:53

Have a good one, everyone. Thank you for listening and watching