Unveiling The Truth: Kate Bridal's Insight On Burnout In Work, Life, And The Transgender Community - Episode 37

Main episode content starts at 6:26

Kate Bridal of the Legal Burnouts Podcast joins Taryn and Vanessa to talk about burnout, in life, the workplace, as well as the trans community!

Follow Kate on IG and TikTok at bridalpartyof5

Follow The Legal Burnouts Podcast on IG and TikTok at thelegalburnouts

Opening song: "Sing for Me" (from Divinity: Original Sin 2) cover by Alina Gingertail:

https://youtu.be/FXTje80hLWk?si=nqzX_wUboUAS7XS6

(from her YouTube channel, https://www.youtube.com/@AlinaGingertail )

Closing song: Sing for Me - Lohse Version - Borislav Slavov, vocals by Tamaryn Payne:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l1XRcw3nLS0 

Transcript

Music: 0:10

Come to me, the night is dark Come to me, the night is long Sing for me, I'll sing along Sing for me, oh sing for me Sway with me, we'll make them scream Dance with me, we'll make them bleed Sing for me, I'll sing along Sing for me, oh sing for me Listen, do you hear it? Listen, do you feel it? Listen, I'm calling you Listen, you do know me Listen, swing and roll me Listen, I'm calling you You hardly know (hardly know) You hardly know (hardly know) You hardly know (hardly know) You hardly know (hardly know)(Let's make them scream) Listen, do you hear it? Listen, do you feel it? Listen, I'm calling you Listen, you do know me Listen, swing and roll me Listen, I'm calling you Listen, do you hear it? Listen, do you feel it? Listen, I'm calling you Listen, you do know me? Listen, swing and roll me Listen, I'm calling you (I'm calling you)

Vanessa: 2:45

Some be real on there. So what am I doing here? Start Recording double record. All right. So yeah, yeah Taryn and I were talking about Ted's

Kate Bridal: 3:01

love it and what about them specifically?

Vanessa: 3:04

How they grow. And you know how she around your five had another little spike? Of a really? Yeah.

Taryn: 3:14

Yeah, it's like I'm on my fifth year of puberty. It's getting blueprints for a while. So that's the last one. I was like a few months back where I was just like, the burning nipples. I'm like, You're clumsy again. And now they're like,

Kate Bridal: 3:29

you have to get like new bras every time.

Taryn: 3:32

Sometimes. Yeah. Like I've actually thrown out or like kind of donated probably at least 30 plus years.

Vanessa: 3:39

That's a lot of bones. So

Kate Bridal: 3:40

that's expensive.

Taryn: 3:43

Right now I'm a 49 and I think maybe a city or a D Yeah, I

Kate Bridal: 3:52

was a growing up but now I'm like a be solid be solid. I'm going

Vanessa: 3:59

I'm these are like A's right now. So but you know, the year two to three is when a lot of things happen in year five. A lot of things happens. But I'm really it doesn't bother me that much. I'm happy with them. So yeah, they're super perky. Well, you've seen them so they're perky as fuck. So up to

Taryn: 4:21

Asli show them at every opportunity.

Vanessa: 4:22

Oh yes. I got it. Oh, I can send nudes everywhere. We have the NSF s NS F W channel in our Discord. And you know if your full and full nude Vanessa in there, so.

Taryn: 4:39

Oh my god, I haven't been in all her glory.

Vanessa: 4:42

Yeah, I haven't done it. Since I've had my labia reduction in clutter. plasti you know that's all looking at nicer down there now to so nice. So nice. Not having What's that?

Taryn: 4:56

Look after more pics?

Vanessa: 4:57

Yeah, well, it's nice not having a labia stick into my leg all the time, which is what was happening. So yeah,

Kate Bridal: 5:03

then sound that's like, you might as well just have a skirt. I'm not gonna stick to your

Vanessa: 5:09

Yeah, pretty much and fuck that as Sorry

Taryn: 5:14

bro you're not offending me.

Vanessa: 5:16

I don't I don't miss it at all. So you're you okay if they like backed up earlier? Apparently she was right behind me and I ran over her and Taryn got to see her scream so but hopefully she'll behave herself for this recording

Kate Bridal: 5:33

might chime in happens a lot in our background.

Vanessa: 5:41

Okay, should we do a show?

Taryn: 5:44

Yeah, shall we not?

Vanessa: 5:45

Yeah, not to show Okay. Struggling struggling with my voice after surgery. So it's not it's it didn't turn out the way that I wanted it to. I'm really not that happy with it. But

Kate Bridal: 5:56

I know what it is.

Vanessa: 5:58

Well, it used to be so low that even with a 30% reduction, it's but my vocal cords aren't touching when I talk and so there's a lot of like deep resonance. Especially when I'm like stressed and shit like that. So anyways, who knows how much of that I'm gonna leave in at the beginning. But Hello, everybody, welcome back to transcending humanity. I am joined today by my co host Heron and Hannibal Lecter is girlfriend, Kate bridle. Kate is one of the hosts of the legal burnouts podcast, I was a guest on this show. Maybe two months ago now a month and a half, two months ago. Now. It was a lot of fun. If you want to hear me getting very sexual with a microphone in the opening. You can do that I did a little bit

Unknown: 7:00

of ASMR. Left and right. This really doesn't come out very good podcast format, though. If that's your car, probably sounds like shit. But

Vanessa: 7:11

yeah, so we're going to be talking today about burnout in the trans community. Which is extremely just prevalent. We're all just fucking exhausted. If you listen to the show, you know how exhausted we are. And the amount of spoons it takes just to get up every day is it's it's a lot. So I'd like to give you a second to just introduce yourself.

Kate Bridal: 7:47

Yeah, yeah. Well, first off, thank you, both of you for having me on. And Taryn, it's so nice to finally like actually talk to you because we interact a lot on Instagram, and both love Mads Nicholson of course. But it's so nice to actually get to speak to you and see your lovely face. I am the best. Vanessa mentioned, I am the co host and co founder of legal burnouts podcast, we are a podcast that is dedicated. Originally, we were dedicated to exploring the issue of burnout in the legal industry, specifically because my co hosts and I are all former legal industry employees and noticed that we and everyone we knew had burned out. So we figured there was probably a reason for that. And now we're branching out a little bit to focus more on burnout more generally, which is why we had Vanessa on to talk about her experience, like job hunting and the whole election fucking situation. And all of that fun stuff. And yeah, I'm a former attorney. I was practicing for a couple of years doing nonprofit work, homelessness prevention work in LA during COVID, which, as you can imagine what's very difficult and burned me out pretty quickly. But before that, I lived a couple of lives went to drama school right after high school that I worked with chimpanzees who spoke fine language in undergrad and then I went to law school. So I've been all over the place, nonlinear career path. And now, as Vanessa mentioned, I also make silly videos where I pretend to be in a relationship with Hannibal Lecter on Hannibal Lecter should at least say his last name right? He would literally kill me on on Tiktok and Instagram, so follow me. It'll party if you want to see some of that ridiculousness.

Vanessa: 9:31

I'll link that to in the description. But yeah, her stuffs funny, and I didn't know that you had some acting training, too. That makes a whole lot more sense now with your tic TOCs because you actually know what you're doing with yours. So uh, Taryn, just pop in? How are you? What's going on with you?

Taryn: 9:48

I mean, it's just work. You know, the work of a marketing leader never stops. So it's just kind of before you join in, I was telling him that um, you know, I do social media, personally, right, but it's like Got to be good for. So I feel like I'm doing double duty. So just Yes. Work for Me and poke and prod people to, to elevate stuff and just been doing a lot of content writing and stuff like that. Probably about a week and a half off from posting any trans related stuff. So just, you know, just feel like it's new. It's kind of a little tense, I think with next murder, his murder, you know, just kind of pull back a little bit. I'm like, I'm good. Just go LinkedIn for a little bit. But other than that, okay, and yeah, I gotta be honest. So, y'all know I'm a liberal. I actually really enjoyed that. I know, right? You're shocked shocked by that? Forward. So I really enjoyed I'm a political geek. Man, I really enjoyed the State of the Union. Like watching your Uncle Joe. Really lay into some people really kind of put a smile on my face and then watching. Handmaid's Tale rebuttal and just everything about it. So I kind of like I stayed up and watched MSNBC until that one in the morning. So it was like, I couldn't see Michael Steele's hot take on this like, you know, Handmaid's Tale thing, so I've been having a little fun with politics, but yeah,

Vanessa: 11:16

Scarlett Johansson spoof of that. Talk about perfect casting. Where did that come from? That was,

Kate Bridal: 11:23

I don't know what any of I gotta figure I gotta get on my shit I have so I obsessively Doom scrolled the entire time that Trump was in office for like four years. I was just constantly on the news. The second Biden got inaugurated, I just stopped looking at the news because that was I burned myself out honestly, from just like, looking all the time. And I still now I'm way too much of a slacker. I need to like, probably at least look at the important stuff like the State of the Union. Fear thing.

Taryn: 11:54

I mean, like when Obama got like, four years, you know, mission accomplished. Yeah,

Kate Bridal: 12:02

we're like the world's probably not gonna end if I don't look at what's going on.

Taryn: 12:07

I mean, the during the Trump years, I spent like every morning at 5am on Twitter and responding in a very sarcastically English way to Donald Trump. Probably one of the only people is sassed him every day. And we never blocked. I was a little offended. But yeah, before the transmittance. I was like the liberal minutes. So that's

Vanessa: 12:26

amazing. Just a menace in general. Pretty much so magazine. So key. For our listeners, define burnout for us, oh,

Kate Bridal: 12:38

my God, I really wish that Rhea my co host was here because she's an actual anti production. Yeah, she's an amazing, like synced, but I think I remember the definition that she is given. So burnout is actually a result of sustained and unmanaged stress. So you can be stressed without burning out, you can not have burnout without Vignon stressed. So it's basically about stress management is preventing burnout. And some of us obviously have more things to be stressed out on a daily basis than others. So that is part of why burnout is a much more prevalent issue among women, particularly global majority women, the trans community, obviously LGBTQ folks in general, because all of us have an one or multiple additional layers of identity. That mean we have to navigate the world differently day to day, and that we have to deal with different bullshit, quite frankly, that everybody else day to day. And of course, the further the more layers of identity you get away from straight and white and sis and male, the harder and harder it gets and the more prone to burnout you become. So that's that's the basic definition of burnout. Hopefully,

Vanessa: 13:57

that's a pretty good definition. What sorts of burnout do you face currently?

Kate Bridal: 14:05

Currently, I'm actually doing relatively okay, I started a part time job. And I was like, because I've been doing this work now for almost a year and doing the podcast for almost a year I've learned so much. And I set up boundaries right away. I was really proud of myself. I was like sending Ria, Jesse all these messages about like, I sent an email and I said this that I made sure that they'll respect my hours and all this stuff, which they have been they've been great. And so that actually that element of structure that I haven't had for seven or eight months voluntarily, I rage quit my job and lean into the podcast for the last little while. I have actually found it made me has made me much more productive, like the last couple of weeks. Just knowing that I have these hours to work in the morning and then the afternoon I dedicate that time content has actually really helped me. But at the same time, one of the things that makes me prone to burnout is I am inclined to say yes to a lot of stuff. And especially when I'm excited about things, and I've noticed myself start to creep into that a little bit. So I'm being aware of that. And I noticed like, this morning, my anxiety was kind of bad. So I'm trying to check in with myself a little bit. But generally, that is, my, my risk for burnout these days is my own self relationship, my own lack of boundaries around work and productivity. And of course, just like existing in the world, and being a human being, existence

Vanessa: 15:41

is pain. Ah,

Kate Bridal: 15:45

how about the two of you? I want to hear from both of you like, I mean, apart from the obvious, what kind of did you feel like you're in a state of burnout right now? Are you skirting around it? But so I feel like I know your answer. But

Vanessa: 16:00

yeah, I'm gonna turn go first.

Taryn: 16:02

I mean, I gotta be honest, I've been in the same career field for about 27 years, I think 20. November, the sharp, amazing. And I think marketing and design is just geared, probably like legal writing is to, like being burned out prone. And I live in a constant state of like, fight or flight burnout. So for me, my last episode really got bad because, um, I was doing some volunteer work. So I volunteer for a strategy forum, right. And it's not necessarily my job function, but it's like, something, I feel like, I'm trying to expand my mind and try different things. So, but it got too much. And I'm telling you, like, literally two months ago, two months ago, I was having panic attacks, like, on a weekly basis, my heart rate was like, at 100 beats per minute resting, right, like I just, I just was losing myself, because I was planning a marketing summit in Utah, which also creates more stress, because it's Utah, and I know that I'm like, literally, you know, unwelcomed. So I had this thing building and building, it's like this giant boulder thing. So after the event, I had set some boundaries with the volunteer function. And we negotiated on something that, you know, we can both have, like, you know, I get a little bit peace of mind and not die of a heart attack, and they get some marketing work freelance. You know, so it's been doing a little bit better. And when you're saying setting boundaries, one of the things I do I mean, this sounds very, I know, we retail, like very transactional. But if I'm only doing things that benefit me, right, and if there's no benefit to myself, like give, it gives me a strategic advantage or financial advantage or tactical advantage, then I'm going to do it. But if it's just showing up to do something, I'm like, I couldn't believe somebody asked for work this weekend. You know, I had a horrible headache on Saturday. That was actually my official excuse, but I didn't want to go, because I'm like, It's Saturday, in all my time this week, cranked out all this stuff. I'm like, can I just chill out droplet gummy and like, stream some Netflix or something? Right now? So that's what I'm doing. I'm trying to put myself forward into saying, you know, does it benefit me? Is there benefit from being or my just giving and giving and getting getting nothing in return?

Kate Bridal: 18:28

Oh, I love that. Because it is so especially for women like it's just the expectation, right? Like socialized, trained and expected to be the person who's doing all the things and remembering all the stuff. And it's it gets to be like, even at work and like that people don't mean to do it. The women in the workplace, but it happens like, stuff just falls on. You're like, what is that my job? Because you're the girl rescue. Yeah. But I've been so impressed that you've been in marketing for so long, because I did. I mean, I actually really loved my marketing job and like the marketing side of it, but I know what you mean it it's a lot and it's changes so much. You have to get pulled in so many directions, which I thought

Taryn: 19:15

was the way to burn out stories involve back a little bit on the pulp like that, but a lot about marketing. You know, the stuff that like your pizza on a Friday night, dropping a gummy again, Hi, my Chanel with some Rachel Maddow now, and your CMO is like who the hell approved the CBO campaign at

7: 19:31

30am. Like, at work, you know, eating pizza high and LIKE Rachel's in the background. I'm like, Oh my god. Oh my God.

Kate Bridal: 19:37

You're like, I cannot deal with this crisis right now. I have not in the state of mind. Yeah, exactly.

Taryn: 19:42

But I still had to do it right. And like that's, I mean, that's the expected expectation is like and I think I don't know what generation y'all are in. Probably I'm gonna guess millennial, am I right? Okay, transitional So, I, for me, I just think as a Gen X er, there's a whole different mindset with that, like when I was brought up and kind of raised and you could totally influence this with your parents, right? It's just kind of like you discuss, suck it up and take your lumps, right and just deal with it. Like no complaining, just like plowed through it. And I mean, I'm telling you like that kind of toxicity. It's like 2025 years of dealing with that stuff on and on. And it's still a constant fight. Right? So if you'd like generationally, there's, you know, like, boomers don't show it. And whether they're buying their Mazda Miata convertible when they're 55. And, you know, they're drinking and they have, you know, they're thrown their third wife for, you know, whatever it is, but it's like, it's somehow manifest. Yeah,

Kate Bridal: 20:46

and they're doing all of that and claiming that they never burned out for them, and that we're so sad. It's like, okay, well, maybe if we examine some of the situations that you find yourself in, you might learn actually, that those were the results of you having some ill behavior, because you were burned out from, you know, grinding constantly in a job that you didn't really like, not that all boomers did that but you know, plenty of them did, and I might sister's accent I also I think, and it is interesting, it's kind of slightly different between the generations. And I think millennials, like the thing that we struggle with most is that we were told, like, oh, well, if you go to school, you can do anything. The world is our oyster, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, like, just get an education, and everything's possible. And then it's like, we start doing that stuff. And then we're like, wait, wait, this is what you promised us. And boomers were like, well, that's your fault. You're not working hard enough, like, hold up. And so we get all these mixed messages of like, the fantasy and the reality and we're still like, also realizing maybe we just kind of want to be teenagers forever, and just do what we want to do. And we're all just navigating that whereas Gen Z is like, comes out of the womb knowing these things. Yeah. annuals are like learning the hard way. I feel like

Vanessa: 22:06

yeah, millennials are we're a very, I like how you said the house just wanted to stay teenagers. Because, I mean, if you just look at us and our pop culture and everything, we're still obsessed with everything that when we grew up, you know, yeah, and I mean, I'm 42 now he has a millennial slash exam, y'all really? And I don't want to grow up I just want to be a Toys R Us kid. You know? Yeah. And poor toys r us there. They got like, tragic. Yeah, well, they kind of came back but they're in like this little corner of Macy's stores in it is so pitiful. Like why it's a slap in the face. You know, poor Jeffrey they have like a little Jeffrey Sachi. They're

Kate Bridal: 22:54

excited. It used to be when your parents were like, we're going to Toys R Us. Yeah.

Vanessa: 23:00

It's don't get to experience that anymore. So we had an interesting thing. Amazon actually sent a toy catalog. And it was so nostalgic. Just flip through this physical toy catalog. And I missed that my kid fucking loved it. So I

Kate Bridal: 23:18

just did that with my nephew actually with a mind where catalogus It's his birthday just a couple of days that I was like, show me what you want and of course he pointed to like every big on every page and I have to do my own narrowing down but yeah, it was super fun to just be like oh, let's flip through this and he loves reading and books anyways.

Vanessa: 23:39

Oh, the standard Yeah, it's well

Taryn: 23:44

you know, going through the catalog and be like I want this I want this one this one

Kate Bridal: 23:49

you know and I miss SkyMall that was the best way to kill time on a flight was just be like so I couldn't get my I actually just I was back at my parents house and I just found my boyfriend my very first boyfriend in high school bought me our when even stars pendant from Lord of the Rings out of SkyMall magazine. It was like$70 big deal for like a 15 year old and I was obsessed with Lord of the Rings. And I just found it I brought it home.

Vanessa: 24:24

My Chart out no no that that's just not going to your jewelry you wear that.

Kate Bridal: 24:30

I should have word it right now. I'm really sad actually. But I'm not new, but you wouldn't see it.

Vanessa: 24:39

So you said something earlier that kind of resonate with me. Your rage quitting. It reminds me of when I left my family's business which I haven't really talked a whole lot about my past with my family's business but it was about as toxic of a workplace as you could possibly get and When I left, because I had been it was a cycle of abuse when I was there. And the sense of relief that I had, like, when I left, I had no idea how badly burned out that I was. But you know, I, I was suicidal towards the end, because it was just so hard. And so just that like rage quitting thing I rage laid myself off, but the freedom I had, I took a couple months to just not really do anything. Yes. And then eventually started to like driving for Uber and stuff like that, but it was the most liberating thing ever. And it's that release from burnout, can it's euphoric, really, I'm the level of gender euphoria, honestly. And is pretty, pretty crazy. I think a lot of people can relate with that too. Just like, when you've been stuck at a job that's just horrible, and you hate it. And you finally have the opportunity to leave for one reason or another. It's a lightly going through. It's kind of like going through a divorce in a way. Like, the sudden just responsibilities lifted off of you. And is wild. Absolutely why. And

Kate Bridal: 26:33

it can be painful in some ways, too. Because I there was so much about that job I really loved it just came to a head eventually. And I was just like, okay, like yet, do both these things. And I so so it hurt. But I felt the same way. I was just like so liberated, so energized, just felt really empowered, like the most empowered I've probably ever felt. But I will say that that can be a little dangerous in itself, because then of course, I just threw myself in the podcast, and I was like, This is what I'm doing. I'm gonna edit until 1am, you know, and I had to take a step back in doing the podcast and learning from other people that like, okay, you know, you can take yourself out of a bad work situation. But if you don't work on your own habits as well, this is a recurring theme on our podcast yourself relationship. Chances are, if you've burned out you, you have some element of something that you were doing that's contributing as well, not that you're completely responsible. But there are things that you could have done differently, like boundaries, etc. And I've learned that the hard way. And also burnout recovery, especially if you're that burnout, that extremely I'm so glad that you just took time to do nothing, it can take up to two years to recover from severe burnout. Her RIA again, these are facts. If I say a fact about burnout, chances are I was from RIA. But, or one of our other amazing guests. But but it's it can take so long depending on how severe it is. And so I'm really glad that you did that. And then that you did a job, like Uber driving, you're working but like it's a lower stakes. Running a business, right, it's still of us like a break when you've been doing there's not much brain power involved. So exactly, you can just get zoned out, you're like I'm making money and the stakes are very low. And that can also be kind of a good thing. Just like give yourself a break. don't view it as stepping down as like a step down or anything like if you can do what you need to do, give yourself a break and take maybe a little lower stakes job if you're concerned about resume gap money, what have you, which is obviously legitimate. That's pretty much do what I did was really, I had a lot of privilege because I had a supportive spouse and you know, I wasn't gonna be I was okay financially to just be like I'm walking away for a little bit. But I recognize that everyone's able to do that. I had a little bit of a break lower stakes job. Sorry, sorry, go ahead.

Taryn: 29:06

No, it's fine. I'm just going to chime in I had a little bit of that in 2020 So um, you know move from one burning ship late return we leave it to job I never rage quit. I just moved joke from one burning ship to another. Even we'll see how fast it's burning. So I was in. I was in a business I hadn't done before, but I'm working in a marketing role where they threw literally, like, I had like 27 different things in my job when COVID hit, and I'm kind of an extrovert, so like if I require humans to be around me, like I don't know, maybe a lion with the gazelles just like in the background, right. And like you need somebody to get there. So being alone and isolated and working 12 hours a day was crushing for me. And me, I was stressed out I was just burning up. I was uninterested like every typical thing you can think of Right. And when I express some of the stuff to my manage my direct manager, I got a crying emoji in Slack. It's like that was literally that. And I felt like I didn't hopeless, right. So a couple months later, they needed to acquire. Yeah. By the way, one of the my techniques that I do want I leave a job is I block everybody that was in leadership with a scar. So I don't want you to see me, like you're dead to me. And I did find out that you have to do that to protect yourself. One of the people I blocked two years ago, was ally me on Facebook. I found that out through a friend. So what that's like, during that area, right, it was really stressful. I was relieved when I got laid off, right. And I was just like, because I hated that place. So much the boss everything, they culture was toxic. So you know, what I did was I had Rico money leftover from a previous burning show. So I sold stock. And that helped get me through that entire COVID layoff. So I'm able to do some education for the first time. So instead of like, you know, doing whatever I can for $1, right, during a layoff, I educated for three months, I hiked like three or four times, like a month, sometimes more, did a beach high, when we would eat great meals, like just healthy cooking and stuff like that, and it just, but it was privileged right to have that ability and have the cash, but it got me ready for the next job. You know, like, I still had nightmares that three months after the layoff of how inadequate I was, from this boss, like would have these like recurring, like impostor syndrome nightmares. And then after just going through that whole thing, and working through the burnout, I was able to get back into a company. And of course, that blew up but transphobia and everything, so I'm leaving that burning ship. But um, it just strengthened me right and helped me kind of RE is what I call it is resupply, Rearm, and unrest and just get back.

Kate Bridal: 32:04

I love that. And the thing about rest is it's hard for a lot of people like it is we were not trained that it was okay to just exist and just rest and just be with ourselves unless it's a reward for something else, especially again, as the women, but you're like it, that is something that I'm really trying to separate is if you need to feel productive, you can think about rest as being something productive, because it is going to help you reset. I mean, think about the quality of your work when you're really tired. Or if you've ever been burned out. I mean, that's when you start making mistakes, you start missing things, you start being really mad at yourself for sending that email with that typo that you read 15 times and you didn't catch it somehow like all of that stuff you can avoid if you just before you get to that point say it's okay for me to stop working. And some people have jobs and bosses, your boss here and it was like, you know, giving you something to do at 730 at night on a Friday but to the extent that you can you can shut off you can set the boundary and make the choice and reframe how you're thinking about rest. You know it's not a reward it is something you need and it is something you need to continue to be productive. So just lock in let yourself do it. It's hard though. I still struggle.

Taryn: 33:22

Yeah, no, it is it's almost a radical concept of like rescue nation. I like to blame the Puritans for bringing that message. That's really there again and I see another non Safe For Work podcast because of my potty mouth. But yeah, so Puritans blame them production.

Vanessa: 33:40

Yeah, tearing this podcast is always not safe for work is really explicit.

Kate Bridal: 33:46

I didn't even ask I was just like, yeah,

Vanessa: 33:49

she apologizes like a lot like, pardon my French you don't fucking have to faculty, faculty. Fuck as shit Falkor. Show?

Taryn: 33:59

Yeah, whatever the fuck pologize to otters and stuff like that. When I'm talking to vendors and the recorders are playing. I'm like, I'm sorry, recorder. I'm really profane. I love it.

Vanessa: 34:10

It's just words. And there's so much power in those words so

Kate Bridal: 34:16

hard to get. Treating burnout, honestly. Yes. Just letting yourself kind of feel that stuff and say stuff Josie, one of my co host, my OG co hosts, she was just talking about how one of her things that she likes to do when she's feeling really overwhelmed is in the privacy of her own home. She just out loud says everything that she wanted to say exactly the way she wanted to say it. Not mincing words. Like if I could talk to that person the way I really wanted to, this is what I would say and she just gets it out. And that's like one of her ways of, you know, completing the stress cycle, which is also something I've been learning about a lot which is you know, your body responds to stress in a fight or flight way and if you don't complete that that cycle in some way with like, it could be physical movement. It could be somatic stuff tapping, EFT tapping, I've just learned about that. Or it could be the breathing, it could be going for a walk, it could be taking a nap, if you need to, it could be crying, it could be screaming into a pillow. All of those things help you work through the stress cycle. So it doesn't continue. Because the thing is, if you don't complete it, you're gonna continue to be in that stressed state and your anxiety won't go down. And that just causes more exhaustion because the more prolonged you're feeling that same anxiety, the more severe your exhaustion and burnout is going to be as a result.

Vanessa: 35:42

I mean, you said that she waits till she gets home to just arrow everything. Maybe it's just my autism, but I just got in tell people, it gets me in trouble. But, you know, I've been very blunt to pet like, I remember someone I feel bad about it now. But someone that I just didn't really like that much was just unloading all these problems and that and I just don't, I don't care. And made me feel better made them feel like shit. And afterwards, I'm like, Oh, I probably shouldn't have done that. But I don't know.

Kate Bridal: 36:19

Karen kind of stress like, well, you initiated in that person.

Vanessa: 36:23

Yeah, I I consider myself online. My alignment, chaotic neutral. I'm not good. I'm not evil. I'm just fucked up. And it's fun. But, Taryn, you mentioned something that I wanted to talk on. impostor syndrome. I think impostor syndrome and in burnout are like, like this. My personal burnout right now is this brutal fucking job hunt that I've been going through for the past two and a half years. And the imposter syndrome is real. Like, because you, myself, and you see so many other people. I know Liam's going through right now to just firing out resumes and just comes into the void. And you think that you're good at what you do you know that you're good at what you do. But when you get so much rejection over and over, and over and over and over again, or just not hearing anything, being ghosted, it makes you feel like, maybe I suck. And I have the extra fun part of my parents always telling me that when reason I stuck with the family business for so long, they would tell me repeatedly that you, you're not gonna have to work anywhere else, you know, you have this job, you know, as a favor, you know, you'll never succeed anywhere else. So, when I get into these things, like, I'm so deep in this job, I'm so exhausted, that goes through my head a lot. And parents do fuck up your kids,

Kate Bridal: 38:05

please. It's like such a simple request.

Vanessa: 38:09

It does. It really does. But

Taryn: 38:13

no, I mean, I totally get that, you know, and it's like, yeah, your parents are a special kind of shitstain. You know, hopefully get there as in the end somewhere. You know, I think someone will have already gotten theirs. But um, ya know, I mean, that's, it's, we always doubt, right, because we see each other through, like we see ourselves during this critical lens that swayed, of looking at other people and saying that, like, I have never been on a list of 30, under 3040, under 4050, under 50, whatever, right? And then they used to bug me a little bit because I felt like I was competent, right? I'm like, why don't I get these opportunities? And I stopped judging myself with others, right? I stopped looking at other people and being like, and just I kind of like, it's a singular kind of warrior mindset, but it's just like, like, and I'm just gonna say this, y'all without apologizing. Motherfuckers you are and you are not capable of understanding what I am capable of. You know, and I focus on that and I bring that to me, right. I like my grandfather when he died years ago. Yeah, this be I went through his paper. So I know this little thing about, like, living with honor and being the person you want to be in the mirror, but it's really focused on on you, right, and strengthening who you are. And your resolve and like, that's always kind of stayed with me, but it's helped. But I mean, still, I'll get impostor syndrome, right. Like, you know, I'm getting more and more media appearances, right, and NASDAQ and some of the other stuff and it's like, I still feel like I'm a hack. Right? Yeah. I have to draw my chin out. And just be like, you know, shit, you have done chest and we can you know, you have a long list of accomplishments. They can fit on a resume if it was 100 pages? So this?

Kate Bridal: 40:04

Yes, that is the thing is, that's one of the most valuable I can't remember who said this, to me, I think actually is my friend, Kate Giordano. She's like a legal tech writer. And she's an independent contractor, we were talking about stuff around the holidays, we did a little webinar on LinkedIn. And she was like, you have to ask your anxiety or your imposter syndrome, or whatever it is, for evidence, like, what is the evidence that I don't know what I'm doing? What is the evidence that I'm incompetent? What is the evidence that I'm not as good as these people who were on the 30 other 30, usually, there isn't any, besides the fact that you didn't get put on 30, under 30, or whatever this thing is, like you in a moment of exit, and that has helped me so much is when I'm having these moments of anxiety where I'm like, it'll be something stupid, like, I have a day where I didn't have a creative idea, right. And my brain says, You're never going to have another idea, again, despite the fact that five every day for five days before that I was having ideas, and I have plenty of ideas, and it's gonna be fine. If that's what pops up. And so I'm learning the value of talking to my self in those moments and challenging my anxiety for evidence, but it's really hard for me, I'm someone who, and I'm working on this. But I will value the opinions of other people more than my own opinion every time. And so I need a lot of external validation. And so that's why I kind of tend to put myself out there, even though I'm very, very soft, and I cannot handle anyone's mean to me. So I'm like, why am I putting myself on social media all the time? Oh, because I'm getting a majority of the time I'm getting like positive feedback, right. And that's what I need to tell myself that I am not an impostor. But one strategy that I've started employing is talking to myself in my head, in the voice of my husband, or my best friend, or Ria. And so if I have a negative thought, what I do is, I will have one of them pretend that I'm talking to one of them, and hear their voice in my head go, what the fuck are you talking about? Because that's what any of them would say to me? What are you talking about? That is not true. And you know, all of the things that they have said to me in the past and the circumstances. So if you're like me, and you're trying to learn to validate yourself, but you're not quite there yet, that's a useful trick that I have started employing is like, pull someone who is a support system for you hear their voice in your head in response to what you're thinking.

Taryn: 42:34

Now, that's really good. I mean, my inner voice is Gerard Butler, from like, 300 screaming, no sparring dice today. So do what you do.

Kate Bridal: 42:44

I love that. I also once heard a trick that you're supposed to turn yourself criticism voice, like the voice that says mean things to you in your head into someone you really hate and don't respect the opinion of so like the example that was given us, like, talk to yourself, like, it's Donald Trump saying it to you. But like, when you know, like, stay the mean thought back to yourself and the voice of someone that you really are just like, what

Vanessa: 43:07

are something funny, like, almost voice or something like that, you know, to just make you laugh. I think one thing that a lot of us don't realize is everybody has impostor syndrome. And whether or not they admit it, I mean, Joe Biden, I'm sure has quite a bit of it, too. You know, he struggled with a stutter for most of his life. And he probably has times where he feels, you know, feels it but he's the leader of a country. So we all have it. It's, it's the hard part is getting through it.

Kate Bridal: 43:44

And so much is projected on you too. And like especially for I mean, you folks who are trans are like, treated as imposters all sorts of there's the participation. She was feeling. She has feelings about impossible. No. But like, you know, when you're or women to I mean, women in general, like are often just treated and workplace like the workplace aren't designed for women. The nine to five is not designed for like nothing about corporate America is designed. It was designed when men were the ones working when we're staying home. So it's an even I just learned this apparently, again from RIA. Currently men's hormonal cycles are even because men have the same like, cycle every day, whereas women are hormones change daily. And so what were our levels of exhaustion and things change depending on where in our hormonal cycle we are. The nine to five, five day a week work week was designed around men's hormonal cycles where they're like, top energy at 9am and I'm with the day at five, so it's all of the shit isn't the aside for us, so of course, we feel like imposters, what are we going into it like, and again, every layer that you get away from the people that it was designed for the more like an imposter you're going to be made to feel, which is bullshit. So, exactly.

Taryn: 45:16

I've been nicknamed because on spicy tech. Now like trans women, we have like, ups and downs with hormones. So I'm just going down from like finishing a cycle right now, where mine cycle was, I eat everything in sight for the last three days. And I try not to kill people. You know, so it's like, but I'm going to do it, it will work. One of my colleagues is like, this spicy parent is here, everybody.

Kate Bridal: 45:48

This is what we need in the workplace. We need people to just be like, it's okay that you're spicy. Terran today, and we're just gonna roll with it. You know? What are you on the rag? Like, that's not what we need. We don't need you like, yes. I don't need a reminder. Yeah.

Taryn: 46:05

But um, no, it's funny when you were talking about men's hormone cycles, because like, the older I get, and the more guys that I'm working with my age, I'm just like, Jesus, you guys are going through menopause. Like, consistency in your train of thought. Like, you're like over here rage tweeting this and doing this and then you're out drinking all night. I'm like, like, just get some tea or something? Or, like, just just be done with it.

Kate Bridal: 46:32

Yep, and then we all have to deal with them, which is another source of?

Taryn: 46:37

Well, yeah, menopause is definitely in your attempts. experiencing a lot of them last couple years will be some folks I work with.

Kate Bridal: 46:45

Hmm, good times. Good times.

Vanessa: 46:49

Bye, boys. And

Kate Bridal: 46:51

then it's like, all of these things on top of the imposter syndrome on top of all of this other stuff, like just the considerations that, you know, I'm exhausted as like a straight sis white woman walking around in the world. And I don't have to worry about where I'm gonna pee. Right? Like, at least that's one thing that is not on my mind. So when you think about all of the extra consideration, I mean, turn when you were talking about like having to plan a work thing in Utah, like that. wouldn't even be I'm going to Utah in the summer for my cousin's wedding didn't even think about it, you know. And there's moments where you realize those extra steps that you were having to take every single day that you don't even consciously always think about can just they just pile up?

Taryn: 47:41

I mean, it's been before I've been asked, I can't speak for you, but it's been in the forefront of my mind for like, the last five or six years since I came out. I transitioned Right? Was like, I'm always like, eyes in the back of the head hyper vigilant. Yep, I did like Sparrow Mom, just violence and being encountered as a youth. So I've got the hyper vigilance of a secret service agent protecting POTUS. But I'm not I'm constantly watching stuff. And I shared it on the pod before like when I was in Arizona. So I was in Tucson, you know, a little bit of a liberal city college town. And I walked back into the hotel with my mom, and literally, I could feel them. All these sad white guys stuck all staring me right. Someone discussed some with anger and hate in their eyes, and walking through the lobbying. So for me, one of the things I do for competence, right is I will click on walking a runway show in Milan to like EDM song. When I walk in somewhere says, like, bars, a friend of mine says, heads up and tits out. And I'm just going right now I'm going through it. And I'm seeing all of them in my peripheral. And then we got through the room and my mom goes, What the hell was wrong with those guys? I said, it's me, mom. I said, some of them want to know, Can I can I take her right now? And she can can they take me on? But they find me when they kill me? Why am I here? Why do I exist? I said, these are all the things going through their mind. And they let that show on their face. I said, this is what the community endures all the time. Like you don't see it. But that's like the stress, like just being in that environment. Right. I mean, thankfully, none of them had the stupidity to do anything. But still you walk into a room where you're obviously hated. When I fly into Miami, right? I'm clocked immediately. I feel like had sheriff's deputies on my ass throughout the airport, making sure I'm using the right restaurant. Which I don't because they use the family restroom. Right? And but you're right. I mean, that kind of stress. It is. It's a lot. And it's why I don't go to probably about 20 states in this country.

Kate Bridal: 49:51

And I'm relatable. You have to be vigilant in order to protect yourself. You're not being paranoid or silly or hysterical You know that there is a real risk of danger for you. And that is heavy. It's not like, Oh, I'm just doing this as a precaution like, you know, oh, you know, if I don't arm my security system tonight specific example, like, I'll be fine. I lived without one for forever, like, I locked my doors, whatever, I'm fine. It's not that kind of just like extra thing it is either legitimately concerned for your safety in your life a lot of the time, and that is really exhausting and also just totally unavoidable, because you'd have to, like, go out and, you know, yeah, I mean, after you could be a complete hermit, but like, obviously, that's not your vibe. Maybe mine.

Taryn: 50:46

I don't know, I could do some hermit for a while. I mean, if I have enough cannabis, I'll be good. But, ya know, when I was in India, I mean, I experienced that, right? Like I shared my concerns about safety. My team in India did an amazing job making sure I was safe seeing respected. The hotel was, you know, high end hotel in Bangalore. Everything was perfect, right? And then one of the people I worked with was like, Don't you feel foolish being worried about your security, and it was like, two days later, I was flying back. And my passport doesn't match, right. And I had a lot of visa as trans. So I fill out a visa as trans, my passport doesn't match. They sent me through the mensline Because I'm six foot one. And I got assaulted in the airport in front of 2000 people at 230. In the morning, I was in tears at the gate, right? Like, I couldn't wait to get to Germany. I was like, just give me the hell out of here. But that was like you just said writing like, the SIS head, dude. It's just like, oh, well, don't you feel foolish being so worried everything worked out in the airport. Like I literally was humiliated and assaulted button by a security officer in a men's line. As he Jim that thing between my legs and crushed my breasts. And like, I just felt like, and I didn't have to go to this past year. Right, your end. But I'm telling you, it was like that, to me. It was it just people don't understand the nuances and what that means, right? Like, nobody should experience that. And that is what is on the forefront, even if it matched. Right? Because of my height. I can be classified as something else. Right. You know, and I felt like a ninja. Right. I mean, that's, that creates a lot of stress. I mean, being in the bay area right now is kind of like a bit of a paradise. Right? And certainly, like far, far above where you are Vanessa, right in Ohio, which is, you know, I couldn't even imagine, like, I think about you, right, and just think about how I have relative safety here. And how you are literally in a hostile state. You know, it's hostile territory. You're gonna have some safety here and there, but you also have a state that like literally goes out of their way to punish you.

Vanessa: 52:53

It just happened. It just happened today. I got a surprise, a little gift from a new client. And whenever I have new clients, I have to ask them like, you do know that I'm trans right. And this shoot was in a town called Doylestown, which is deep Trump country. And I had to ask her, I'm like, do the sellers know that I'm trans? Because I'm afraid of showing up to the house. I'm terrified to drive through the country here. Because there's people that would shoot me and even just pulling up you know, like, what if if they give me the wrong address? And because I have clients give me the wrong address all the fucking time. And I could go up to the door. Especially like with this house doors is supposed to be vacant. In the doors unlocked. I got there and the owner was there. Luckily, she's just just a nice lady about my age, but you just never know. And then you hear people like online like saying, What are you talking about trans people having their rights taken away? Trans people don't have the right second way like this. No one just no one watched the news at all. That's all the government's doing.

Kate Bridal: 54:06

That's confusing to me. I mean, even if you're because

Vanessa: 54:09

people are just so clueless. They're like, what, what rights are being taken away? Right, our rights to live, you know? Like, we have this looking at 2024 I personally think that it's going to go in our favor. I think Democrats are going to do pretty well, I hope. But if they don't, we have project 2025 And Trump's agenda 47. And both of those are flat out deadly. It's full on, you know, stages eight and nine of genocide that we're going to be seeing where they are going to start analyzing us. And concentration camps, whatever. You know, if, for me, being post op, I don't, my body doesn't produce hormones anymore. So If I no longer have access to my hormones that could kill me now, it'd be a slow, horrible, brutal death. And I, myself and I know a lot of other trans people, we have it in my desk, these are my old estrogen pills, I change injections now. But like, my, my injection vials, I save a little bit in the bottom of each one. Because you just never know, we might need something to be able to just survive. And it's it's terrifying. And it's constant burnout for us on a daily fucking down to the minute level from the minute we wake up. If we have to go anywhere, like, anywhere I just go to Starbucks by me. And overall, Starbucks is a safe place from the employees. But when I go in there, it's just a bunch of old white guys. And it's just, here's the white guys want to see me? Yeah, constantly. I've had cars stop and stare at me. And it's, you just never know what's going to happen. So yeah, as Taryn said, head on a swivel. And in the before times back when I presented is just your set white guy that didn't cross my mind at all, but now go into a parking lot in a parking garage, I carried my car keys with with the good with a key sticking out, you know, overhead. Yeah. And it's just stuffed that. You're so sick guy you just can't comprehend? And say,

Kate Bridal: 56:39

right, yeah, don't have to deal with it. You're talking to women in their lives or other people in their lives, who I mean, like, I've had this conversation multiple times with men in their 30s where I'm like, you know, every woman, you know, is but followed at some point in their life. Right? And they're like, what, like, they just think that you're right. And I'm like, yeah, it's happened to me multiple times. It's terrifying. And, you know, obviously, same for for trans folks, regardless of if you're a trans woman or a trans man, like, we're non binary like that, that shit still happens. And it's not just that feeling of constant danger, which would be enough on its own right, but like, you never know where it's gonna come from. And like, I think about this as a woman, right? Like, I really only have to be afraid of half the population. And sometimes men that you think you're safe with turns out that you're not and that really sucks. It's hurtful, like a whole nother level. But then, again, the the further you get away from that straight white sis, male identity, the more people that you have to worry about. So I can only imagine how difficult it is for you to not just have to keep your head on a swivel around men, but around literally everyone. I mean, anyone could be an and having to justify your existence. All the time is exhausting, constantly, and to justify your exhaustion is exhausting. Like, can you just take our word for it that we have all this shit to deal with? And we're tired. And it's something that is a human flaw that I am certainly guilty of, of not even thinking about something that doesn't apply to me until someone else has talked to me about it. So we all do. We all do it. But don't. When someone does tell you something like that. Don't tell them they're wrong.

Vanessa: 58:26

Yeah. Don't talk. Don't talk over them. You know? Yeah, listen, and respect it.

Kate Bridal: 58:35

Absolutely. Every time you help combat burnout.

Vanessa: 58:39

Okay, every time you give a thumbs up, it pops up like this, like, thumbs up bubble on your screen.

Kate Bridal: 58:44

I'm not doing it.

Vanessa: 58:47

It's funny, you do the thumbs up and it pops up this this bubble on your screen. And now it's not doing registering

Kate Bridal: 58:54

it Oh, it was one of you and making my what I was saying. Oh,

Vanessa: 58:58

I think it was I like what is going on. But now that you're actually trying to do it. It doesn't do it. Yeah.

Taryn: 59:07

But I was like, Wow, I'm like, are we doing bubbles and thumbs up now? That's awesome. Yeah,

Vanessa: 59:12

I'm like, waited. I was like, I am confused. I want that. You know,

Kate Bridal: 59:17

I mean, you can do it from the reactions, right? Like there. Oh, but that's different.

Taryn: 59:22

Totally different. On your own yours. Yeah. So

Kate Bridal: 59:26

weird. Yeah, I saw it. I was seeing it. Well,

Vanessa: 59:30

the podcast listeners are happy. Like, where?

Kate Bridal: 59:34

Zoom is giving us little emojis. Yeah. Yes, sir.

Taryn: 59:38

Do you have any questions? Watch the YouTube video and there you go.

Vanessa: 59:42

There you go, you know, are talking about

Kate Bridal: 59:47

but anyway, I just think that it's so yeah, y'all have just so many extra things to worry about. And I don't understand the tendency to just dismiss it and Be like, Well, you're wrong about that with your lived experience, like I don't? What's the why? Yeah, I assume you know better than the person who's experiencing it.

Taryn: 1:00:11

And we certainly get some someone who's a little bit higher on the narcissism scale. Right? Yeah. That's usually the thing where there's like a lack of empathy and understanding and you know, just not getting the picture. So I feel like maybe get Bumble and lean towards narcissism, tend to be the people that kind of dismissed you, you know, like, oh, and worrying about nothing happens to you, right? So, but But no, I mean, Vanessa, you covered it, like Project 2025 is terrifying for me. And I have a lot of privilege, right. And I'm working, I've got some 36. I want to tap out by 60 to do some volunteer work for a couple years and retire. My goal was to leave this country and to find somewhere safe, like a safe zone on this planet. I can like burn the passport or the citizenship papers done, keep the putting Social Security pieces of crap. Like I'm just like, I just don't want to be here, right? Because if you read that document, it talks about what we're starting to see. Right, which is how they document and how they classify being trans being LGBTQ, to to less eye as a pornographic type of material, which means it's a felony for us to be within a certain amount of feet of a skull around children, right? Like, this is the kind of stuff that like, in a sense, well said that this will lead to camps and prisons, right? Where we will not be able to be in society. It's extricating us from that. And I hope that it does not come to fruition. I am kind of hopeful. Like, because we're already seeing like Ron to Satan. You know, his his one, don't say God, and we're seeing some courts overall, some of that stuff, right. Like, you can't teach it, but you can talk about it because it's free speech, right? Like you're not earning anything having a conversation. So we're seeing some of these things fall apart because conservatives do a lot. They do this really well. They hate the super well. They like a master like it's like the Rembrandt's of hate. That's the Conservative parties. But what they do hardly is write legislation. Because most of them aren't even lawyers, right? They're like, they're they're I don't know, like, I don't want to wanted to mean anybody's thing. Whatever Marjorie Taylor Greene was before she ran. But the Camry law, and it's easily challenged in court, right? So we're seeing things failing to go higher. I had something good. I was in Ohio, and I had something else fail. I know, West Virginia had something recently, it was Virginia had the thing where we wouldn't be able to go near schools bail. Yeah.

Kate Bridal: 1:02:56

But I don't even have that much warmer, illegals. Employ, like, I'm glad that that's happening. Because I maybe, you know, pre Trump era, I would have been like, yes, the courts will do the right thing, but not anymore. Like, and I never should have really, because then I read a bunch of cases that happened in the pre Trump era. And I was like, oh, courts are crazy. And they have way too much power in this country. But like, it's, you know, the Supreme Court, especially the fact that we can't remove anyone is that we need to does this. But it's that I'm glad to hear that it's going that way that does give me a little bit of faith, but I don't want anyone to, you know, rest on their laurels and assume that that is a given because and I know the two of you don't want that either. And you were saying at all but like it's the courts are also affected by political you know, they are

Vanessa: 1:03:56

it's the things are only turning around to because there are people fighting in Florida there are rights that are fighting this stuff, you know, tooth and nail. And if they were there doing that, these changes wouldn't happen. But they shouldn't have to fucking either do that. They should really just live their lives and

Kate Bridal: 1:04:14

and isn't it exhausting to just hate everyone all the time, like talk about burnout? That doesn't sound fun to me. Like have you walk around assuming that every person who's just trying to live their life is like attacking you personally somehow by just existing like, six months, tiring.

Taryn: 1:04:33

He comes out in the skin so like as you can see, you know, like I mean, a lot of those like right wingers you see out there, Donald Trump with his horrible skin and it's orange tent. You know, hate damages the skin. So like, that's why we all look really young. You know, now

Kate Bridal: 1:04:48

I'm 37. So, we're all keeping it very tight.

Vanessa: 1:04:51

We are slow, I have no idea

Taryn: 1:04:58

but that's the thing. It's like stuff comes up a monster you are on the inside, come down on me It happens through its

Vanessa: 1:05:07

toxicity. It's just pure toxicity live. Yeah, it does. This episode's going away that I'm kind of hoping to kind of push the show towards where we've been so trans focused up until now. But I also wanting to focus on the humanity part of transcending humanity. And I love that we were able to just talk his three people. And yeah, we did talk about trans stuff here as well. But we're, I'll just purchase three people like in the workplace, three women in the workplace, trying to just do our things. So that's why I it's amazing to be able to have this conversation with both of you. So

Taryn: 1:05:55

I Packards have been really looking forward to talking with Kate.

Vanessa: 1:05:59

Yeah. Free to

Taryn: 1:06:02

multimedia I love like our interactions with social media. I was like, Oh my God, you're so awesome. Like, I just, like, have to have coffee with you. So it's kind of nice to be able to do this. So

Kate Bridal: 1:06:14

thank you, right back at you. And Vanessa, of course, you and I have already spent time together on on my podcast, but always Always a pleasure. And I really appreciate you having me on and chatting with me. And yeah, Tara definitely if next time I'm in the Bay Area, or if God forbid you ever wind up where I am in the middle of the Nevada desert. Coffee. If we go here we'll go to my house. Coffee at my in my the safety of my

Vanessa: 1:06:38

home. I would love to come visit you in Nevada.

Kate Bridal: 1:06:41

Oh my god. I love Nevada down where I am. But yeah, sure.

Vanessa: 1:06:45

It's, it's just a gorgeous state. That's another that's one thing that buys me I will not be able to go to Utah because I remember taking road trips through Utah through like the Green River area. Were so fucking pretty. And I can't go there anymore. It bums me out.

Kate Bridal: 1:06:59

Summer. Yeah, Utah shape up. Yeah, trans people travel safely. Everywhere shape up.

Vanessa: 1:07:07

Yeah, the entire fucking red block of law that Aaron reads maps that are just, here's everywhere that you can go.

Taryn: 1:07:17

The upper layer of where I can go, it was a transport. And it was almost the same overlay of where I couldn't go. It was a brown person before transitioning. Yeah. Yeah. It's funny, because I mean, when I look at the Deep South, unlike there were states that I went to that I was like, treated like utter garbage. I'm like, wow. So at least you're consistent with your hate. So it's like, Oh, yeah. So it's like you don't like you because you're brown doesn't like you because you're trans.

Vanessa: 1:07:42

Their hate is very intersectional if they could just turn that around and not be hate then. You know, it's very, it's crazy. That's how

Kate Bridal: 1:07:53

I'm gonna say that's a t shirt or something.

Taryn: 1:07:56

Right? There hate is intersectional oh, we're just America. Probably. Need to get them.

Kate Bridal: 1:08:05

Yeah, you definitely need some merch, because

Vanessa: 1:08:07

I want to get the logo redesigned. Again, I don't have any money. So it's sometime but I still looking for an artist. I was kind of hoping to use the ones that Kate was using. But I never heard from them. So oh, well, if she

Kate Bridal: 1:08:23

if you reach out to Taylor, I think she followed you on Instagram or you followed her.

Vanessa: 1:08:28

I found her she's not following me. But oh,

Kate Bridal: 1:08:31

she's not on there that much to be honest. But I did tell her about you. So I can also reach out and see if she's okay with me like, giving you her number or anything. So you can actually get in touch with her but she's also just been had a lot going on. So yeah,

Vanessa: 1:08:47

yeah, we all have. Yeah, that doesn't need to be t shirt conservative haters in intersection. So we need to have fun. Yeah, right wing. Yeah. Haters intersectional. We need mugs. We need hoodies, we need fucking all that stuff. So either you have any closing thoughts. I need to sign off here before my dog starts losing her shit again. So

Taryn: 1:09:11

here you go. First of all the closing thoughts?

Kate Bridal: 1:09:14

Okay, um, well, I feel like I offered a lot of like the problems and maybe not as many solutions. We always try and like give some manner of practical advice. I would just say, practice positive self talk. It sounds cheesy and like it's not going to work. But I promise you it does. The more you do it, the more your neural pathways will get used to being kind to you and you will start talking to yourself positively in your own head before you know it. It's a practice though, and don't beat yourself up. You are not being perfect at it. And I would say you know when you're in these moments of stress if you are in a circumstance where you are going to experience prolonged stress, and there's really nothing you can do about it, all you can do is try and manage it. So Go do what you can. Some of the stuff we mentioned earlier, tapping, screaming, crying, whatever you have to do to just work your way through that, that stress cycle. And check out the legal burnouts if you want any more anti burnout advice, and keep listening to this show and support it so that it can keep going. Because I think that what you all do here is so fucking important and really vital and helpful. And it's probably helping more people than you even realize or know. So

Vanessa: 1:10:31

that's why that's why we keep doing it.

Kate Bridal: 1:10:33

I know, and I know how difficult and expensive it can be to make your own podcast. So go on Patreon and support.

Vanessa: 1:10:41

Yeah, send us money. Yeah.

Taryn: 1:10:44

Money helps with Bill does does. Awesome. Thanks. So I'm going to just share something that I'm you know, seconding what Kate had said, you know, find that find the way to relieve the stress that you're constantly in for me, it's walking, sometimes I put your heavy bag and knock it down to the ground. You know, I find that really exhausting myself and the breaks the stress up a little bit. But I'll remember that these are jobs, right? They're not your life. They don't, they aren't the all encompassing measure of your life. So always prioritize what's important to you prioritize who you love, prioritize what feeds you what, what hurdles you what helps you grow, right, and just be able to try to really compartmentalize some of the angst and the stress and the anxiety from work and, and kind of set those boundaries that have reinforced that. I've done that throughout my career. And it's, it has helped me have stronger relationships with people when I can set that like Berlin wall boundary and, and just be able to hold it and maintain it. And if people can't respect that, then you got to cut them off. Man, you've got to got to really get the people. Yeah, I was gonna say you bring the people when that support and help you and uplift you and kind of cut out the people who don't.

Vanessa: 1:12:05

Yeah, toxicity out of your life. It's gonna

Kate Bridal: 1:12:10

be hard to do a lot about a person from how they respond to you setting boundaries.

Vanessa: 1:12:14

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Well, Kate, thank you for being on the show. You're welcome to come back anytime we love having you. Absolutely. And Taryn, thank you again for being here this week. And you'll get gorgeous today again. Thank you, thank you. Tune in next time for who knows what we're going to talk about something you know, we are always open to suggestions of topics to you welcome to send us a message on our website transcending humanity that calm or transcending humanity podcast@gmail.com And to think about that for a second why don't we keep making these long email addresses such a pain like

Kate Bridal: 1:13:03

a release today I put out a clip on Monday of me stumbling over immediately I go to tell our email address and I'm like s is in I don't know snake like try to do some kind of phonetic thing and just bombed right off the bat but it was just like fuck it it's stories of illegal burnouts.

Vanessa: 1:13:22

There you go. Stories of legal burden so that's easy. Thank you both Thank you people for listening and watching and we'll see you next time and style. Bye oops No, that's not what I wanted to hit. I wanted to

Music: 1:13:51

Come to me, the night is dark Come to me, the night is long Sing for me, I'll sing along Sing for me, oh sing for me Sway with me, we'll make them scream Dance with me, we'll make them bleed Sing for me, I'll sing along Sing for me, oh sing for me Listen, do you hear it? Listen, do you feel it? Listen, I'm calling you Listen, you do know me Listen, swing and roll me Listen, I'm calling you You hardly know (hardly know) You hardly know (hardly know) You hardly know (hardly know) You hardly know (hardly know)(Let's make them scream) Listen, do you hear it? Listen, do you feel it? Listen, I'm calling you Listen, you do know me Listen, swing and roll me Listen, I'm calling you Listen, do you hear it? Listen, do you feel it? Listen, I'm calling you Listen, you do know me? Listen, swing and roll me Listen, I'm calling you (I'm calling you)