Pride and Intersectional Bigotry - Episode 43

Vanessa and Jess discuss Pride events and the discourse surrounding them. They talk about the importance of supporting Pride events and the need for inclusivity. They also touch on the controversy of bringing children to Pride and the role of law enforcement at these events. Overall, they emphasize the importance of creating a safe and welcoming environment for all attendees. 

They also various topics related to Pride Month and LGBTQ+ issues. They touch on the importance of chosen family and the significance of free hugs at Pride events. They also explore the dynamics of queer spaces and the inclusion of cisgender heterosexual individuals. The conversation then shifts to the recent ruling in Florida that struck down restrictions on gender-affirming care, highlighting the ongoing battle for transgender rights. They also discuss the challenges of social media and the importance of representation and diversity in the LGBTQ+ community.

Quote of the episode:  "The queer community has far bigger fish to fry than to be concerned about Chad showing up at Pride with his bisexual girlfriend." - Jess

Chapters

00:00 Introduction and Announcements
02:18 Discussion on Pride Events
09:37 Incidents and Safety Concerns at Pride
25:41 Controversy and Discourse around Pride
36:24 Debating the Inclusion of Cishet Partners at Pride
39:38 Supporting Allies and Creating a Welcoming Environment
41:04 The Importance of Chosen Family and Free Hugs at Pride
44:30 Navigating Queer Spaces and the Inclusion of Cisgender Heterosexual Individuals
50:00 The Battle for Transgender Rights: The Florida Ruling
57:23 The Challenges and Impact of Social Media
01:08:15 The Significance of Representation and Diversity in the LGBTQ+ Community

Transcript

Vanessa: 0:00

It's the fanciest countdown ever, because we are so high tech with this new recording thing. So hello, welcome back to transcending humanity. This is episode 43. The typical reminder, you know, for the legal whatever would bet a bad bet. Our views are our views and not those of anybody we work for represent or anything like that. So, yeah. I got a couple of announcements, one that Patreon is what was probably on your screen somewhere right now. So like, send us money, please. Like I really want to keep doing the show as much as possible, but it's expensive. It's like 15% of my income. yearly income goes into the show. If you love the show, help us out. We also now have a merch store. You heard that right. I am currently testing out the T shirts. They should hopefully be here this week. Keep an eye on our Instagram to see how those look. But I put some other things up there. There's a conservative tears mug, which, you know, yeah, I ordered one of those too. And I made a little hormone bag for injectable hormones or whatever. You need to come up with some other things too. But you know, and there's a hoodie, there's pajamas. And as I think of other things, oh yeah, there's a there's a baby onesie and says gender is a construct of our capitalist overlords. So and you can't get it in pink, or blue is only comes in white, gray or yellow. So fuck gender. There you go. So yeah, maybe, maybe not. What's that?

Jess: 1:53

I said, that could also be another baby onesie, but I don't know how you know, that's a little maybe a little abrupt for the baby to be just Kherson right out of the gate. That's

Vanessa: 2:02

what the Conservatives put on there. You know, I'm sure conservatives like fuck Joe Biden things and everything because he conservatives. You're not watching this. So whatever. So this week, justice here, and we are going to be talking about pride. I know just has a couple of talking points. I have to stuck I can talk about but I just want you to go first. Okay. Okay, everybody. Happy to be back on the show.

Jess: 2:44

We are about halfway through June. And I know a lot of pride events already happened. I think the one that I just got a little blue in my ears. But it looks like everything's so on. I think the thing that's standing out to meet him. Am I I think my internet is being a little wonky again.

Vanessa: 3:05

It's been it's pretty wonky. Okay.

Jess: 3:09

I tell you what, I'm going to take a second and and and see if I can

Vanessa: 3:14

fix that. Okay, we'll just cut this part out. Okay,

Jess: 3:18

I know it's disruptive. I apologize. But I'm gonna try.

Vanessa: 3:21

All I have to do is do a slice and then a slice. Okay, good. The editing, or I leave the center. And we're like, a natural. Yeah. And

Jess: 3:37

this other network. If this doesn't work, then I'll put on my hotspot.

Vanessa: 3:41

People are like, so you want us to donate to your Patreon. Yet? You're leaving shit like this. Have you heard of that thing? And yes, I have heard of that thing. But this shows unscripted. It's raw. It's real.

Jess: 4:01

So maybe leave it in? I think it's switched around. Well, is this better?

Vanessa: 4:05

Is the scene a little bit better? Yeah. Okay. Okay. I mean, your video is kind of blurry, but like, I can hear you better. So in the video doesn't matter, because it's Riverside, and it uploads it from your computer. So all right. I think I

Jess: 4:19

would have tried this. Yeah, Internet. The Internet gods have not been smiling on me today. But hopefully that was the glitch. And now we're done.

Vanessa: 4:27

I'm hoping so I'm moving on Saturday. And so I'm going to try one is T Mobile like home internet things. But my phone services also T Mobile and they don't have a very good signal at my new house. So fingers crossed, because it's a lot cheaper than any of the internet options around here. It's like 40 bucks versus like the cheapest one around here. 60. So yeah, let's see. Yeah,

Jess: 4:49

hopefully. Yeah, I've had one of those before like the little hotspot right but for at home.

Vanessa: 4:54

Yeah, it's like a box or something. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, hopefully

Jess: 4:59

it'll be a Good minus, minus annoying it's through the case. We don't have cable TV, but our internet is sued like the cable provider. And it's like, it's just like, very intermittent. And plus I'm in the basement, so I have to have a, like a booster. Yeah, I gotta like, yeah, it's, it's, uh, you know, she can be a little bit touchy. But, you know, sometimes she gets through.

Vanessa: 5:26

Cable companies are the devil. So it's TMobile not a sponsor. But if this works, hey, you could be a sponsor you especially because you have that 15 day trial period. So

Jess: 5:38

good, man. Yeah, yeah, that's Pride Month. So I mean, come on to Melvil. What are you doing? Yeah,

Vanessa: 5:43

pink. And I switched to you, because you're not at&t? Who like is severely anti trans? From what I've heard. So I'm like, fuck them. I think they're getting sued for it to sound like other T Mobile. I'm pretty sure had that. I'm sure someone can fact check this. If anyone cares enough. Anyways, back to what you're saying about pride before the technical touch?

Jess: 6:06

Yeah. We're about halfway through Pride Month.

Vanessa: 6:10

June 17. Today? Yes. Yes, recording

Jess: 6:14

on a Monday a little different. But I know a lot of prides have already happened. I think LA pride already happened. I believe that I think that DC pride has happened. The thing that stood out to me close to DC not the same as Baltimore pride. Don't know if you heard about a chemical weapon or something. It was a chemical agent released during Baltimore pride, I believe it was. Okay, I'm going to have to apologize a little bit because this may not be 100% accurate. I was trying to check it. But again, the internet is funky. But I believe if I remember correctly, it was a really Saturday night between like 830 and 9pm. At the nearest stage, you know, so where there was a crowd gathered, and it has been determined by law enforcement. Apparently, we're investigating bodies that it was mace. And so it was affecting a lot of people people were renting out their eyes. There was even a report of a child in a stroller who was having to have their eyes rinsed out around the same time that this chemical was dispersed. Someone said a fireworks which scattered the crowd, because people I'm assuming thought it was gun such gunshots.

Vanessa: 7:35

Every product go to I'm afraid the shooter is going to show up.

Jess: 7:37

Yeah, it well. Yes, there is that. And I just also think, unfortunately, any public gathering where there is fireworks even at this point, you're kind of like double checking your cell phone that was a really a firework. So yeah, this is I mean, really sad and terrible. That this is happening. There was a warning from the State Department, the US State Department that prides could be targeted, you know, this year. I mean, I think that between the rhetoric being so escalated and the fact that it is an election year. Yeah, the interesting thing that I saw about the State Department warning was they were saying that it was a warning from a foreign terrorist organization. And it's like, I'm sorry, not to say that some foreign organizations might metal but let's not put it past the non foreign, the domestic terror groups to do something like this. Because more likely in the US, that is often what it is. It's proud boys, and it's, you know, the like, so. So, yeah, that is, you know, definitely very scary and intimidating for the whole community. And of course, like, you know, my hearts are with anybody in Baltimore, I actually have some friends in Baltimore, I need to check on personally, but um, you know, this is just, this is where we are. And unfortunately in America, this is where we are anytime we go out in public that we have to be like, slightly concerned about this possibility. So being really like vigilant of everything, and really aware and kind of having to take some, some additional considerations into you know, what kind of cards do you want to go into? And if you see something if something starts to feel funny, which of course it might not, it might just feel totally fine and then and then it's not fine, but yeah,

Vanessa: 9:33

then a fine bomb blows up. Yeah, it's

Jess: 9:38

Yeah, so starting out a little bit starting out this episode a little heavy, but that was like literally the news that I heard this morning.

Vanessa: 9:44

I had just saw a little clip of that on on something too. So

Jess: 9:50

yeah, so so that really sucks. I have not heard of anything else really specific. That has happened from you know, pride events this year. least not so far knock on some wood there.

Vanessa: 10:02

It's been quiet in Ohio for the most part at the STB lab. I think it was asked to Beulah it was one of them there is a guy in like full black gear with sunglasses and a mask wearing a press badge. And he had his phone on a like a tripod thing with a cup holder with a bottle of water so he's staying hydrated while then the job but like he was recording like kids and stuff like that and people were really you know, skeeved out by it. You know the, the wing that that's all upset about drag shows, you know, so there he is acting like a creeper recording kids. I haven't heard any more details on him. The only thing I personally saw, like, I went to Cleveland pride. I went to start pride and I went to Medina pride. And the Cleveland one. I remember I was driving into town and I looked I saw this guy wearing a mega hat in a like T shirt that had like said no homos on the front. And then later on, I saw him on a corner like kind of corner upright. And he had a loudspeaker kind of thing. Actually, I think it was a karaoke machine, honestly, with his little Magga hat, and he was going on about how everyone's singing. And then like the crowd was kind of gathered around him and he disappeared. So

Jess: 11:29

yeah, that's, I mean, at least it was like one guy. You know, that's, that's nice. And you have really been getting around the pride circuit in that case.

Vanessa: 11:40

Yeah, I was. Yeah. So I didn't actually really get to get around the pride circuit. I was more of behind a little table at the pride circuit, but it's fun. I spoke at Stark pride Stark pride for anybody in the adjacent Ohio area. Go to Stark pride next year. It is really really really good. Like I went to Cleveland pride and it was pretty chaotic. I soon as I got there, I had like an autistic like meltdown. And I was texting like the other people in the group like where are you? I don't know where to get. I don't know, I just shut the fuck down. And then once I was there and set up I was fine. With Stark was this is only their third year at Stark. It's held in downtown canton in a very red area. And it's so wonderful. The entertainment was just perfect. The vibe was amazing. They have bathrooms, like you go in their sinks, their stalls. It's an entire separate building that was built last year. So there's bathrooms and not just porta potties, there's tons of food there tons of vendors, it was I would say as many people there as we're at Cleveland pride for the most part. And it was just a super chill vibe. It's if you want a nice chill, fun, warm pride in you're not too far from Ohio destock pride next year, it's I can't give them enough kudos for that event. It was absolutely just perfect. So

Jess: 13:21

it's always great to see that like some newer communities, excuse me, come on, you know, with like pride events. I mean, that's, that is very cool, especially if they're growing that much in just a few years, you know, around where I am in Asheville, the pride is later in the fall. And it's because it's just I mean, it's so hot right now. I don't know if it's also has to do with like, space booking in the city. There's like a lot of Asheville has a super duper busy summer. But I believe it's either in late September, early October, the day has kind of shifted a little bit. But there there is always a contingent of local protesters. It's usually a few of a handful of people. It's usually the same people who the exact same people who protest the Planned Parenthood you know, so it's the same like they literally like Saturday morning they go to Planned Parenthood and protest anybody who's trying to get health care and then, you know, Saturday afternoon they go down to pride and and they

Vanessa: 14:27

tell us to get a job.

Jess: 14:29

Seriously. Yeah, ya know, the amount of spare time that these folks have is really impressive. But it's it is generally so so yeah, it's for us for this community. It is unfortunately not just one guy, but it is a pretty small group and they all are always just so very much outnumbered and there's usually pretty good security so there's usually like a pretty good buffer zone in between like they don't ever get inside any area or anything like that, which is good. Yeah, but that's That's, I mean, that's something that like, so I mean, growing up in Atlanta, Atlanta pride is a mazing. Atlanta pride is another one of those that used to be in June, when I was a teenager and first started going to pride it was in June. That's hot. It's so true. It's so hot. It's also hot, not temperature wise. It's also it's just hot. There's like hot people everywhere. But they're scantily clad, because it's hot. So it was at one of the biggest parks in the city Piedmont Park. And I don't know, you know, I think a lot of people have a lot of attachment to their first Pride. And I definitely have attachment to because it was my first pride, but also, it's also just a really amazing pride. So for quite a while it was at Piedmont Park, which is this really huge park. So they have the whole area with the food trucks, they have the whole area with the vendors, they had the parade that I believe would end there, if I remember correctly, like ended that park, then they just had a ton of green space, just enough green space for you to like, have room, have your blanket, bring your bike, you know, like come in with your I mean, it was always really hard to find parking and then you had to walk forever. But then you were just like there for the day. Just an amazing, an amazing spot. So now Atlanta pride has moved to the fall as well just because of the frickin heat, which is just smart. It's smart. And I believe I'm pretty sure that it is back in Pima park for a little while they moved it to another location. And it was basically like a massive parking lot. It was like around like a civic center or something. And it was like, even I think even in the fall, it was just like it was still hot. And it was just like not pleasant. And it wasn't cool. And not just not cool. It's a parking lot. Not cool. It just was a shitty area. Right. But I believe it's I believe it's back at FEMA Park. In fact, we might consider going this fall. So I have not made it to a summer pride. I don't know if I will this year but I know it's happening. It's awesome. I know especially other folks in the northeast, I believe Providence pride happened up in Rhode Island, which I heard some really good things about Providence pride as well. So So yeah, I know that's that is all happening. And I believe I can try to look it up. Let me see if my internet will. I believe that. San Francisco pride may not have happened yet. A lot of times that's the last thing. One.

Vanessa: 17:27

That one's probably pretty epic. I would hope so.

Jess: 17:30

Okay, San Francisco pride is awesome. Yeah. San Francisco pride is so huge. That Oh, yeah, yeah, that's right. That's right. Yes. Okay. San Francisco. Pride is the very end of June. So it's the last so it's not even it's not even this weekend coming up. I believe it's the following weekend. It spread out. You know, understandable because that community is massive. There is a whole vendor area and area downtown in the civic center. The parade route is super long. They actually have bleachers and stuff along the parade route because it's that big. I went there in Oh my goodness. I think it was 2018 that Kamala Harris was actually there and was like marching. Yeah, for a while which was really cool in her like rainbows sequined jacket, there are some photos of her online and this jacket. It was really, really awesome. And I saw her we were in the bleachers. So we were not super close. But I saw her maybe that was that was actually 2019. Then the play there you had civic Center's huge, but the gem of San Francisco pride that any local San Francisco person would tell you, I believe Taryn would 100% concur with this is that Dolores Park is a big park, they're not super close to the other areas and kind of easier to have a car to get over there. But public trans is still pretty good. But the Dyke March, the trans March, which I believe usually are on separate days, like usually trans marches like Friday night and night marches Saturday night or you know, something like that Saturday, Sunday, they're separate days. But those are more of the like the park hang, they still have a stage but it's not like a super massive stage. But they still have a stage and they have a parking and, and they and so like it's kind of like stuff is spread out around the whole city, which is different. Totally different experience. Yeah. From like where I am now, which is like everything is really in this like in the square, you know. But yeah, I mean, love pride all around. I'll stop advertising for all the prizes up into now. But no, it was really amazing.

Vanessa: 19:39

Well, this is an episode about pride and you're educating people on price to go to That's

Jess: 19:44

right. That's right. 100% San Francisco was good. Atlanta is good.

Vanessa: 19:48

I'm worried about Atkins pride. So there's a little bit of drama going on here in Ohio. Akron is the most major city north of me so like, if you're looking at Ohio, there's Cleveland up another like acronyms like 40 miles south, and then I am another like 25 miles southwest of Akron. But over the weekend, we are supposed to have a there's supposed to be a bunch of Juneteenth events. And an announcement came out, literally in some cases one hour before the event was supposed to start saying that it was canceled. So, like, all these vendors are, like, out of all the money and all these people, like people traveling from out of state to come to it all screwed. And from what I've heard, I watched the video by I'm not sure if she's a current or former African council person, but there was a guy, a council guy, Councilman, council me and we're definitely gonna go man, I'm pretty sure he's an old white Boomer. But even if he's not, he's an old white Boomer. I don't have a filter to it. So he had gotten into, he was in argument with a couple of his constituents, some some younger black men, I believe, like a safety thing that they were concerned about, and he felt cornered. And he wound up, he got his panties in a bunch, and wound up joining together with another council person, and then bringing in six more to write a letter, saying that they were concerned about safety on these events, and that they need to be cancelled immediately. And but they also talked that there was no credible threat to any of this. And if you know anything about accurate, and it's not a safe town, especially if you're a black person, and a cop was around, it's one of those cities. And but neighborhoods take care of themselves there too. And these are neighborhood celebrations. And they were really important to a lot of people. And there's a lot of really pissed off people. I wouldn't be surprised if the news of this starts branching out and getting bigger and it might pop up on national news sooner or later. I hope it does. Because this kind of thing needs to be exposed. Like this guy was voted into office. And it doesn't sound like he's representing his constituents, which is definitely a very common problem we have in this country. So but yeah, that a little dramatic thing going down near Vanessa.

Jess: 22:48

That really sucks. I mean, it's terrible for for those celebrations to have to be canceled. For all the vendors, just for the whole community to like, lose that. That's, that's really shitty.

Vanessa: 23:04

People are like, are you gonna cancel July 4? And since you're canceling? Yeah.

Jess: 23:09

See, that's that's where it starts to get into, you know, like, on the one hand, if there was a really credible threat right before an event, sure, it may be in the best interest of safety to cancel it, you know, on the other hand, if there's no credible threat, or like they're not explaining it, or they can't handle the security for Juneteenth, but they can handle the security for July 4, for instance, you know, then it starts to get into like, okay, what are what are the real priorities here? You know, what's going on? So yeah, that's, that is really unfortunate. We are I was actually just looking up Juneteenth events in around here because in this city, there was a there are different. Juneteenth is a good changes a little bit every year, how the celebrations go, you know, some different organizations in a couple different parts of the small city where I am. But last year, there was actually a shooting really close to a celebration. And they've it's not, they are still having celebrations, but they're, it's different. And it's been different every year. Like I kind of think the city is trying to figure it out. But I did wonder if they were not having it at the same location, they had it last year because of what happened. I don't know. So, so Yeah, who knows? I mean, again, it's it is on the one hand, it is really tricky and you want to keep people safe. But yeah, on the other hand, like, you know, we, we need to be able to celebrate these different holidays. You know, whether it's Juneteenth or pride or July 4 For whoever celebrates those different holidays.

Vanessa: 24:54

I personally think Juneteenth is far more important than July 4 to this country, but Whatever. That's one girl's opinion. Yeah.

Jess: 25:04

It's a it's a definitely more impressive mark in history, at least by some standards. It

Vanessa: 25:13

wasn't taught in school. I didn't learn. I didn't learn about you, too. As an adult. I didn't even know anything about it in college. So, which is a crime? Absolute crime. But it's whitewashing of history. Oh, the point I was trying to make with the whole aircon thing, acronyms. Pride is like August 24, for some reason. And I'm hoping that it doesn't get canceled too. So because it's a pretty it's a pretty big one.

Jess: 25:41

Yeah, yeah, hopefully it won't. There was a pride celebration at a city just south of where we are and, and we decided not to go I kind of was a little torn because I like want to support these really small cities around here doing it. But I also like that particular one is one where I'm sure that same group of protesters will just go around their their circuit because it's like, local enough. And I didn't I just wasn't quite sure. And plus, it's a it's a much more, it's a much less diverse, more white Boomer town. And we just weren't quite feeling it. But But I do feel worn I feel torn about this. Okay, so this can get us into the discourse, though, because one of the reasons why I was a little hesitant was because, like, we would have taken our kid, and I didn't really it's not that I don't like I we take our kid to pride. Like, we're happy to integrate. And we're again, considering going to Atlanta pride this year, we'll definitely take our kid. And we'll definitely go to the pride in town with our kids. And this pride in town is like it's a lot, it's a more family friendly pride. Anything that is not family friendly, is as it is, at most prides that I would say really honestly, at any price that I've seen. I personally don't think there's anything at during the daytime in those really big public events. That is not okay for my kid to see. Like, yes, sometimes people are more scantily clad. That is something that can be like talked about, you know, if the opportunity comes up, that's like, fine. That's, you know, a way that some people celebrate express himself, right? Their freedom, and like, that's part of it, right? I'm, like, hey, it was like, kind of like Mardi Gras in a different way. Right. But so I don't have an issue with that anything that's really going to be kind of what I what I would say is like, not appropriate for kids is going to happen at a club at night, and my kid is going to be in bed asleep. And that's just not it's not a concern. My kid did see drag, there was drag. At this point, that was actually the first drag that he was able to see, which is cool. So

Vanessa: 28:01

cool.

Jess: 28:02

I think it was last year, maybe it was last year. And I don't know, the years kind of went together in my head. I'm not sure I know. But um, but yeah, he definitely saw his first drag queen was there. And so they did, they did some, some drag at, you know, just like the outdoor stages in areas, which was awesome. And he loved it. And that was really wonderful to have that exposure for him. But there has been one thing that I thought we could talk a little bit about is all the discourse around pride. So I think there's been like a few subjects of discourse around pride and one of them is the whole Do you want to take your kid to pride and with this little town pride that the small town south of where we are that we decided not to go recently. There certainly would not have been anything inappropriate for a kid but I just didn't really want to you know, it does take a certain amount of energy to get a kid out the door and to an activity and manage you know, in addition to managing your own energy and thirst levels, and hunger levels, and all of that, like dealing with that with you know, a young kid is a whole other ball of energy, you know, a whole nother task to take on too and I just wasn't afford at the time. So I was like, I'm just gonna wait for the ride in town. But this whole like, conversation around. Do you want you know, is it okay to take kids to pride or not to pride? What do you think about this? Have you seen this?

Vanessa: 29:27

I don't know how much of it I've seen. Personally. We took my kid to the first stock pride. We did not go last year because we were afraid of something violent popping up. And we did obviously don't like him exposed to that. Yeah. And this year, I actually spoke at my pride on stage so my kids or their mother said that she would try to bring him in. She did Um, after I spoke in, they were just walking around, he was putting in bouncy castles and stuff. But I think, you know, when it comes to kid appropriateness, like during the day, as you said, pride, it's much more family friendly. Yeah, you're gonna see some tips, I saw some glorious tests. And, but my kids seen my tests, you know, it's just what happens. And if you don't make a big deal out of it, it's not a big deal. So but like, if they were people like actually imitating sex on stage or something that might give me a little bit more of a positive them because, you know, he's gotten in, you know. But it's overall, none of the products I've been to were in any way not family friendly. In fact, they were, they were actively family friendly, with stuff for the kids to do. And, you know, all the vendors had a bunch of stuff to give away to kids, like, we had flags and stickers, and, you know, just, you'd see kids walking around like flags and all kinds of fun things just sticking out of their hair and just having a blast. So it's, if you're a kid at Pride, it's colorful. There's a bunch of interesting looking people, a bunch of people wearing really cool, wild fun outfits, a lot of people that are really happy, and there's just a good vibe to it. So I personally think bringing kids to pride is I encourage it. The only thing that gives me pause really is some mega idiot showing up with again, transcending humanity has joined the feminist podcast collective in we will be exchanging ads on each other's shows in order to grow our mutual following. Here's one for this week.

Nikki Smith: 32:02

Let's face it, we're all going to face loss one day, be it a loved one job, a pet a home or a sense of self and security, or my keys again, but grief is going to hit us all someday. Hi. Welcome to Good grief, a podcast dedicated to demystifying and destigmatizing grief and loss with compassion and humor. I'm Nikki I'm an end of life doula and grief coach in Columbus, Ohio. On this podcast, we will get down and dirty with all things grief related, and hopefully learn a thing or two about living with loss and coping with grief and the grieving. You might laugh, you might cry, but hopefully you'll just feel a little less alone. tune in each week to learn all about grief, meet some special guests and learn that grief doesn't always have to suck.

Jess: 33:02

Yeah, fair enough. And that's a lot of times what ends up you know, the, the that is what has shut down a lot of like, drag queen story hours and stuff, right? Even the things that are specifically for kids, but then they get shut down just because of the amount of threats against them. Yeah. Yeah, no, I totally agree. I even remember, even in San Francisco, which again, obviously has, you know, just the just the quantity of queer people. The quantity of people period is so much larger, they're so much more densely populated. And then the quantity equip you know, there's a lot of queer people there and they're very out and, and it's a very mixed crowd. It is a just a superduper mixed crowd. But I would say that like actually in San Francisco, it was always Folsom Street Fair, which is the leather fair, that is far less kid appropriate. Just like as far as like, who's walking around on the street? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's like, you know, like you said it pride. It's like, there may be you know, there may be some scantily clad, there may be, you know, there may be a little you know, there may be some boobs out. There may be some harnesses, chest harnesses or something, they may be a little bit of, you know, a little like, flash a leather, but it's not generally really anything that I think would be I kind of rather like my kid be exposed to that with me around maybe the first time anyway, you know, and not having like a huge deal. But, but yeah, yeah, so that's so so that's Um, okay, the kids in the kink is one of the some of the discourse conversation that's been going around than the other whole discourse conversation, and there's been so much online discourse around this. And I feel like I didn't really pay attention to the online discourse like in previous years. I just don't think I was involved in it to notice it, but apparently it has been going on for quite a while, this is not the first year that there has been a bunch of opinionated queer folks talking about pride and what they think of it and who's, who should go and who shouldn't go and what should be there and what shouldn't be there. But there was so much discourse about it that there were actually articles written about the discourse that were published in magazines, I believe it was for them, or them. Or them. One of the things, just them, and maybe it's them. Yeah, then period, I think, yes, I believe that they, they them. So sorry, I had to get that pun in there. Yeah. Put out an article about the discourse. So here we are having discourse on the discourse, the main one this year has been if you're a bisexual woman, and you have a sis het boyfriend, is it okay for him to go to pride? Although I don't necessarily think that was how it started. Because I think it I believe it started from some other origins, there's a lot of like, I think it's also really hard to kind of figure out exactly where the conversation started. And who was having it and what was it about? Because I think there's like, there's a lot of levels of this conversation that you can have, right. But the main point of the article written by them was that, you know, the queer community in general has far, far bigger fish to fry than to really be too concerned about Chad, or whoever, showing up at the pride parade with his bisexual girlfriend. And

Vanessa: 36:45

yeah, it doesn't sound like a big deal to me at all. Yeah, everyone's working with pride as long as they're not nasil. So that's

Jess: 36:53

the idea. Right? Yes. So that's the idea. I've, and I'm saying this from the perspective of them, I also agree with this idea, you know, of just, this is not, this is not really like, this is not the hill that I will die on. This is not really have that much of that much interest. You know, if Chad's gonna come, he better be chill. And if he's not, then he's gonna get put in his place. Like, and like it'll be handled, and it's not that big of a deal. The protesters need to like, either stay home or stay on the outside, you know, the cops need to be respectful and like, ideally, hardly visible or not visible and not on the inside the cops should be the ones like in between the protesters and the people celebrating pride. Right? Because pride is a protest against police. This is true. So true. So I'm not really inside. That's not cool. I think that I think it would be definitely better if if the cops out. And I will say that here and what I've noticed, I don't I can't speak for all the different prides, obviously. But I've noticed that there's like so like pride has its own security team. That's like not the cops, right. So it's a different like this, it's like kind of like, the the security team is more on the inside of the group. Right? They may be checking check to kind of check in the perimeters and stuff like that kind of seeing who's getting further in and all in communication. But, but yeah, beyond that. I definitely, I think that it's like people who are supportive in my book, are welcome, if they're going to be supportive, and want to experience the queer community and queer culture, and that's great at the larger public events, and if it is a specific event for a specific subset of the community, you know, then that needs to be respected to you know, if it's a lesbian event, if it's a an event for black and brown folks, you know, that all needs to be respected. Right, but other than that, like, you know, everybody's welcome parents are welcome. You know, neighbors are welcome if they want to check it out, and they're like open to it and and even the straight guys if they're not going to mind getting hit on and maybe want to consider like alternative lifestyles, or whatever.

Vanessa: 39:47

Like, if they're just going to support a friend or family member you know, what is it from the Kingsman Manners maketh man? It's pretty simple. Just Just be nice, you know, and enjoy yours. Self in support, whoever you're there with if you're there as an ally, so because allies are welcome to i, I saw a I forget where it was, maybe I'm read it or something. But a guy was like, is it disrespectful if my wife and I were a sis hat married couple? Is it disrespectful if we show up to prides wearing free mom hugs and free dad hugs shirts, and people were like, it's not disrespectful at all. You're welcome. Like when I was at privates. And I saw people in those shirts, it warms my heart. Because I know I come from such an accepting family. So many other people do, too, that that hug from one of them, could honestly save a life. So yes, you have a place there. Yeah,

Jess: 40:55

absolutely. Yeah, I would definitely support people being that ping that supportive and wanting to do that. And I think that that's really nice. I love those people in general in public cool. Put the like, free hugs shirt on, you know, for people who like it. And I actually, I think I saw this online. And I saw a comment on this that I really liked, which was somebody saying, you know, that's actually, in their opinion, a little more inbounds than saying like, if you don't have your family anymore, like, I'm your dad now, or I'm your mom now. Because honestly, that's not that's not really something you're really going to be able to, if you're a stranger, like you're not really, you know, it's a wonderful sentiment, right? The the feeling behind it is, is very nice and warm, but you're not really going to be able to like be in somebody's life in that supportive way. And then kind of in that way, it might even kind of like, twist the knife a little bit, you know, but saying some prayers. Yeah, yeah. It's like, it's like, you know, it's kind of like, I wish you had an accepting family. But it's like, if you're not, if you're not actively in somebody's life, and really part of somebody's chosen family, then maybe don't make that statement. But being able to say like, Hey, maybe, you know, some queer folks are estranged from their fit, so I'm not some people who aren't queer. Oh, I hear Gabby. Gabby's talking. You know, even some folks who are not queer, no contact with their families. But yes, especially for people in the queer community who are no contact with their families. Yeah, if somebody wants to show up and give free mux that's really sweet. And, and totally appreciate it. And somebody might not have had a hug from their mom or dad and a really long time. And even though it's not their mom or dad, so is really appreciate it. So I love that. I think that's awesome. And yeah, I mean, I still just think that like, yeah, even if it's friends, you know, and they just want to go because, like, you know, I've had straight friends who like, like to hang out at the gay club. I mean, I used to work in different again, but when I was in San Francisco, I used to work in a bar on the edge of the Castro. And it was a very mixed bar, you know, and again, it's like, so freakin liberal out there. Like, it's just the whole culture is so mixed, and so diverse, and it's amazing. But it was a very, like, it was very, like, it was not a gay bar. It was not a straight bar. It was like just a very mixed bar. We had knights that were taken over by different factions, you know. You know, of like, of the different you know, we definitely had some really amazing, amazing, you know, Knights, some of like, music, music, takeovers, DJ takeovers, and some of them were like, totally, like, boys and speedos dancing on the bar, and, you know, whatever. Those were some of the best those were actually they were called That party was called Big Top that particular one. Anyway, you know, but it was just very, like, if you were there, you just needed to be very open and that was cool. So I love that vibe. I did also find interesting in this discourse, though, that other people have counted out this whole this whole theoretical bisexual woman who has a sis boyfriend who is considering going to pride with their SIS boyfriend, that like it's like, Can we can we flip that and say, Okay, what if it's a bisexual guy who has a sis girlfriend? Why are we not talking about that? More? Like, why is that not a you know, and I get it because right? Because there is a huge reason why it's and it's like, why we choose the bear right?

Vanessa: 44:44

Misogyny

Jess: 44:46

not expecting it so much. And, you know, sis, heterosexual men invading queer spaces is kind of speaking of the origins of pride as a protest and queer people know not being able to gather legally and without potential safety repercussions. And like life or repercussions is like the whole reason why this started. So yes, of course there is sensitivity around sis heterosexual men invading pride invading queer space. Right and, and like, and you know, those guys need to be aware of that. And in my book, like they can still come, but they just need to like, you know, be aware that it is not their party, they can like, hang with the party, but it didn't make it, you know,

Vanessa: 45:40

they have to remember that. Ally is a title that is given, it is not a title that you give yourself.

Jess: 45:47

I like that. I think that's cool.

Vanessa: 45:52

I don't know where I heard that. But I use it a lot. Now. It's earned, you know, like, if you call yourself an ally, but you don't do anything to support that, if a true ally, will continue to have your back when you are not in the room, they will continue to defend you, a true ally will put themselves themselves in the same harm's way that we are in all the time. That's what a true ally does. That's why it's a title that's earned.

Jess: 46:27

Totally agreed.

Vanessa: 46:32

Get some words of wisdom on this podcast. Yeah. But that that's a silly discourse to just start like, I don't know.

Jess: 46:45

I mean, I do think that the bigger you know, I do think that we have bigger fish to fry as far as external, people who are outside of the community, people who are unquestionably not queer, who are anti queer, whether some of them are anti trans, and some of them are probably also I'm gonna venture to say, homophobic. I don't know if I would meet anybody in this current culture, who is homophobic who is not also anti trans, but who knows? I'm sure there's possibilities. I definitely think that that's, I think that's a bigger concern. And we need, like, you know, the whole, like, we need all the help we can get, we need to stick together, we need to stand together like all of that, of course. Right. And trans folks specifically are, you know, just under so much. I don't know what to say like, not scrutiny is not the right word. But yes, attack just under such attack. legislatively, legally. Very much. And, and that is obviously it's obviously bigger, you know, as there is the intersection of bigotry, right. Yeah. As there is the intersection of

Vanessa: 48:07

big intersectional bigotry.

Jess: 48:09

How many levels of bigotry, can you experience, right? And, you know, obviously, people who are lacking melanin like ourselves, right, white folks, have it have privilege attached to that, that needs to be exceedingly high privilege that absolutely needs to be recognized that it's just part of our culture and the systems within it. You know, and men, and even more so sis men, right. So all of that is, is totally legit. And important to recognize as well, especially in these times where the community is under attack, it is like the most vulnerable, the most bigoted, the intersections of bigotry, right. And the and the people who are experiencing the most of that are black and brown trans women. Right. And so that's always important to recognize and remember, as one of the leaders of the beginning of pride. Marcia Johnson

Vanessa: 49:27

was a black trans woman she was

Jess: 49:32

and we celebrate her legacy and, and appreciate all of that. So like, that's all really important on the scope of legislative attacks, like switching gears a little bit, a little bit of good news outside of pride stuff. There was a big ruling that came down from Florida. Did you hear about this last week? Oh, yeah.

Vanessa: 49:52

That was major news.

Jess: 49:55

And what I was trying to look up that I didn't they didn't quite get to but I was kind of curious, because, you know, sort of makes sure all our listeners are caught up to this, which a lot of them probably are. But um, there was the I believe it was the 19 circuit court threw out, not sure if it was nice. It was a federal court that Florida has restrictions on gender affirming treatment, gender affirming care for children, and some parts of the restrictions on Trent, gender affirming care for adults, were struck down as unconstitutional. Just kind of a little bit from my, from my memory on this. The I think one of the things was just the the judges basically said that you can't write law on morals, like it's not, we're not, you can't legislate morality. If you disagree with something you can disagree with it. But that doesn't mean that you can not allow somebody to have it. And I think specifically with the, with the adult care that they were having an issue with, they were saying that, you know, because one of the things that Florida did was they made it so that if I remember correctly, they made it so that nurse practitioners who were the most common healthcare worker to to prescribe or administer gender affirming care in the in the form of HRT, right, hormone replacement therapy, hormone treatments. Were they were saying that those MPs couldn't do it anymore. It had to be doctors. And so that just really that was that was what really shifted. And so and I believe that the way that this ruling came down was they basically said you can't you can't say that nurse practitioners can't do this when they can do all this other stuff. And there's really no reason that you're not like there's no basis why you're saying that. NPS can't do this. Other than that, you're obviously just trying to make it hard for trans adults to get care.

Vanessa: 51:56

Yeah, I think there's like one person can get hormones to treat something, but a trans person can't. It's just flat out discrimination. I believe he even I don't remember the exact wording, but I believe he even called the laws out as just being mean, or something along those are cruel. And because they are, I think also in Florida. For adults. If you're on Medicare, they took away any

Jess: 52:23

HRT, so that makes sense. So so it's a really strong ruling and a big win as far as that battle? What I have not been able to catch up on quite yet is I'm not I'm not sure what that means about. Like, does care change? Like, does that mean that people are accessing care again, this week? You know, what I mean? Does that like, when does that go into effect? Or, you know, what does that mean, for folks in Florida? Some of our listeners might know, and I need to do some research on it. And hey, if you know, and you feel like writing in then like, let us know what it's like on the ground there, please. But yeah, I'm curious, because I know that, you know, some people were, I mean, a lot of, we know that we know that some people left Florida. Because of this, and some other people were having to stop care. Some people might have been considering traveling in order to continue to get care in different states, much like people who are seeking abortion are having to do in a lot of cases. So that was a big ruling that came down. I do also think that this the flip side of that, and the reason why I was phrasing it as as the battle is because I do think that this continues to I mean, obviously, the state of Florida and Ron DeSantis is going to push back on this and are they going to try to elevate it, you know, up to is this is this part of the process of eventually getting it in front of the Supreme Court.

Vanessa: 54:04

So yeah, I know he said he's gonna appeal Sure. That was so stuck in the closet.

Jess: 54:11

It's It's really crazy. And he you know, he had such a terrible presidential candidacy run that I know he's, I'm sure really, really butthurt right now.

Vanessa: 54:24

My heart is broken for that absolute piece of I don't have words. I don't know words. Yeah.

Jess: 54:39

Yeah. So anyway, just something to something to be aware of, just in case anybody didn't know. And I think that was I just I was, you know, of course happy to see that ruling. But also a little bit. I always feel now, unfortunately, like, this is great for now. Once you have it, it's gonna be Up next, you know, it does seem like, you know, there's been some talk and I know that, you know, one of our favorite places to get trans news, Aaron Reed has, you know, reported that in several different states, this last legislative session, there was really kind of a loss in momentum. One of those states was Florida, where a lot of bills, I believe there was also New Hampshire, there were several states in which this happened. There were a lot of bills that died, you know, at the end of the session, or just we're not, at least we're not moved, move forward, they didn't really have any progress. And in fact, it seemed like compared to the last few years, a lot less really kind of made it further down the legislative pike there. But, but it's definitely still an incredibly alarming number of bills that are being introduced, that are anti trans bills and anti queer bills. And I think in that in that regard, obviously, it is the trans kids that are under that are in the worst position or under siege, especially in certain, especially in certain states, and then trans adults very closely behind them. So, yeah,

Vanessa: 56:32

the gender gender affirming care ban in Ohio keeps getting blocked, too, which is good. A couple of notes on Aaron, actually, Aaron Read. One, she she wrote about some polling data that shows like Republican voters aren't interested in in anything about trans people. It's not even on their radar. And they're frustrated. Because this is this entire agenda. The same thing happened, you know, with gay panic, and it just, oh, that's one thing that I think the judge said someone said, I think it was the judge. He said that this is just the latest fad. And this is going to disappear. Like, just like it was with like, the fad was like going against gay, trans people, just like it was against gay people. I think it was that judge or something else I read. But I want to send a quick note out to Aaron. I don't know if he listened to the show or not. But I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. And mom passed. And it's heartbreaking. So we're here for you and your family. And yeah. I'm sorry. Yeah. And that.

Jess: 57:53

That is, that is very sad. I, yeah, I sometimes find it hard to read all of Aaron's work when it comes out because she publishes so much. And I try to I try to keep up on it. Very much.

Vanessa: 58:15

It's overwhelming.

Jess: 58:16

I think the last, I believe the last thing that I read was about the Florida case, or maybe it was the thing about I believe it was that that poll about Republicans that you're mentioning, I believe it was like 76% was the percentage of people who said like, we're really not interested in this. Obviously, I did not have that personal news. And so yeah, I need to catch up a little bit. But

Vanessa: 58:42

for those that don't know, Aaron Reed is an independent reporter. She's engaged to sow his effort, who is a Montana State House Rep that has been in the news for being bullied by Republicans. But Erin, I would say she is the source for all news trans, in transit Jason. And her reporting helps so many people it's I'm sure it saved lives. And I'm sure it's a lot of it is very hard to read. Because any any news around trans people tends to be pretty depressing. But she's always always makes a point to share good news whenever it comes up to try to stay up with things but if any, because I know we have we have sis listeners, we've had hit listeners, you know, just anybody listening to the show if you if you want to know what's really going on in this community and why trans people are so fucking terrified all the time and why you hear me talking about comparing to Republicans to the Nazis. Go read air and stuff. It's legit. She's a lot of her reporting is on what's going on and state legislatures across the country. And you can just see it's just, it's a nonstop just deluge of hate being thrown against us. And she's doing everything she can to get the word out there. She even creates maps to show which states are safer and which states you shouldn't go to when you're trans. So sorry for the assignment.

Jess: 1:00:20

Leave her. Her sub SEC is Aaron in the morning. And you can just like, subscribe to her newsletter directly there. The she will, once you subscribe, you'll get articles emailed directly to you really great. And yes, the maps are really helpful. I know a lot of she started to create those maps because she was getting people asking her when they were considering moving or even traveling, trying to understand what states were safer. And I believe that at this point, she actually has an adult map and a and trans youth map.

Vanessa: 1:01:00

gathers two separate ones. And she's not paywalled either. When you go to her substack it does pop up saying that, please donate it if you're able to. But donations from our readers make it so people that can't afford to donate can still read the articles. So she makes sure that nothing's behind the paywall. That

Jess: 1:01:19

is true. Yeah. Which is, which is really awesome. I am a I'm a paid subscriber at this point, because I want to support her. But it is also only like, it's like five meters a month. It's like very it's very Exactly. It's not matter the amount of gas that comes out. It is it is incredible.

Vanessa: 1:01:36

It's the best deal for media. But

Jess: 1:01:42

I know Gabby's got a lot to say this evening.

Vanessa: 1:01:46

Yeah, my, this is my last week, the last week that you're gonna see this purple background, because I got my own place. And so Gabby, and my son's other mothers dog, they've lived together for four years. But Gabby is a people dog and not in not a dog dog. So she attacks her dog all the time. And there's this jealousy thing that whenever Gabby hears the other dog, she just loses her absolute shit. And it's, I can't wait to not have to hear that screaming all the time, and just be able to just cut it with my puppy rather than hear her scream. So yeah. They just got back from a walk. So if you're wondering people watching this, or when he was looking down earlier is because my kids or their mom was asking me if I want to go on the walks like no, I'm podcasting.

Jess: 1:02:38

Well, that's very exciting that you're about to get to your new place. That's yeah, I can't wait to hear about you're settling in and everything that goes well, you've already been over there and everything. I saw some posts or something, right? Yeah,

Vanessa: 1:02:52

yeah, I put my dog over there. It's just a tiny little house. And you know, exactly. And there's a second floor, what's not really air condition. And I told the landlord that she she's moving all of her like in last, the landlord is one of my clients for photography. Absolutely wonderful woman. She's never been a landlord before. She's like, I don't know what to do. Oh, I'm like, we'll figure it out. But. So like, there's a bunch of stuff up in like second floor of like, family heirlooms and crap. And like, just leave it there. I don't care. So when I'm out, you eventually want to sell the house, whatever, but it's not hurting anything. And I'm not going to use it. So I don't know where I was going with that. But yeah, it's just a cute little house for and it's me my little queer paradise. So

Jess: 1:03:38

that's awesome. And it's so great that you didn't you know that you found a place that is not super far.

Vanessa: 1:03:47

That's only 15 minutes away from here. So yeah, yeah. Awesome. And pumped. Well, we just had the size of one hour in

Jess: 1:04:01

that was our timer. Yeah. Yeah, I

Vanessa: 1:04:04

think we're, I think we're both like okay. So, yeah, we're still halfway through Pride Month. This episode will be released on whatever. Thursday is the 20th and you'll show up to your privates and if you want if you're neurodivergent and autistic, invest in some loop earplugs, they will help. I was the Cleveland one was getting pretty rowdy at the end and I had to put them in but it's just kind of helps us tune things down. So loop not a sponsor, but you could be

Jess: 1:04:39

looping in I am loop. If you're listening. I am actually considering getting a pair of loop as well because I have I have not been tested for any neurodivergent sees but I wouldn't necessarily be surprised but I have I definitely have a lot of noise sensitivity. I have noticed a lot, especially since I have a young kid who has a very, you know, wide range of volume, all the things that come along with kids that are very loud. So it's just been something that I've been working on. And at certain points, I get really, really sensitive to the noise. And I've always been sensitive to the noise out and about in public, I definitely get really overwhelmed by that. So I've been looking at I know they have a few different kinds of yeah, just different reasons. There's, there is one though, that is like what you're describing of the one where you're not trying to do noise cancelling, but you're, it's like a noise reduction, or it kind of, it kind of calms things down a little bit more.

Vanessa: 1:05:42

I think there might even be called calm ones

Jess: 1:05:45

I need to look into, I want to give those a try. Because I, I just have to like have to limit my time at big loud events because of that, or, or like even at home, I just need to be like, I gotta go in a quiet room for a little while. So

Vanessa: 1:06:02

I've worn them while my kid was melting down. And it helps. I mean, you can still hear like, I was wearing them at the Cleveland pride and still having conversations with people, but it takes that edge off. Loop if you're listening, the one thing you need to do your case is fucking suck. They're hard to open. And when you're having an autistic episode, autistic, autistic episode, and you can't get that damn fucking thing open. It it's aggravating. Try a better case, please. suggestion

Jess: 1:06:36

for loop? Yes. Yes. Feel free to contact us to be a sponsor?

Vanessa: 1:06:42

Yeah, for all the loop people that aren't listening to this. So yeah, we do have a new Patreon subscriber. Thank you, Lucy. She's been support. She's also been supporting Ohio rice. So yeah, it's all you know, it's all big stuff to us. And Lucy has been Lucy's been kind of like a champion. For me on LinkedIn, she always has nice and supportive things to say, and she's helping me with my job hunt. And so yeah, there's an ally right there. So and thank you to the rest of our supporters. And, again, anyone else listening seriously, like five bucks a month, it's, it would really help. If I had 40 subscribers, the show would pay for itself. If I had more subscribers for that, it would more than pay for itself, I eventually would really like to have this show get bigger and have an impact on as many people's lives as possible. Because the feedback I've received from it, I don't know what you hear just on it. But the feedback I receive is really positive. And it's makes me feel good. Because a lot of times I don't feel very good about the show. Like I'm like, Oh, I don't know, if it's helping anybody, but then people are like, it's really like I learned a lot, it helps a lot. So I want to keep this,

Jess: 1:08:04

it's really important to have the representation. You know, and and, I mean, I think this is a really fun show, because of the collaborative nature of it. I love I love being able to be a co host. And you know, and I also love it that there's like a group of us and it's not, you know, it's not like it doesn't feel overwhelming. And it really we're able to provide a pretty diverse perspective, hopefully could be more diverse, we could definitely work on that. We'd love to, you know, we're definitely more CO hosts and

Vanessa: 1:08:37

through different that aren't as pale don't

Jess: 1:08:41

have don't like melanin. Yes. Yes. Well, you know, that would be great. Absolutely. Because there needs to be more representation of of folks who are not white. In the trans community, specifically, I'm speaking of so

Vanessa: 1:09:00

in everywhere. Yes, you know, every place. Diversity dei starts and ends with race period starts and ends with race. So we're guilty of a year of not having enough diversity.

Jess: 1:09:17

And it would also be something we could work on a bit more with more subscribers, because at some point, we actually might be able to, you know, if we get to a certain level, we might actually be able to pay people to be on the show. Versus versus just having to volunteer our time, which like, obviously, some of us are happy to do I'm stoked to do it. I love it. But you know, it is it is a lot if we're asking folks and so yeah, that somebody to consider. Yes, please support the show.

Vanessa: 1:09:53

And it would make it would make us happy. And

Jess: 1:09:57

write in and tell us what you think and

Vanessa: 1:10:01

Yeah, I got a Symbaloo check on Instagram to hopefully increase our reach. It's fun, like getting a blue check as a organization or as a company is harder. The only way I was able to do it is because they needed a picture of you like the actual you and your name on it. And like what this is a company, like, I wanted to just do it as a company, but apparently I couldn't do that way. So that's why if you're seeing on socials, it says, transcending humanity with Vanessa Joy. Yeah, I do have a big ego, but it's not specifically because of my ego. It's so I could get that loot check in order to help help reach. So if you're wondering why my face is now with it, and it says with Vanessa Joy, well,

Jess: 1:10:40

you are the fabulous executive producer. And, and, you know, yeah, lead the leader of this of this wonderful collaboration. So, I mean, and

Vanessa: 1:10:51

I have an ego. Sure. And asked my friend, as my people at Ohio, he writes, I have an ego.

Jess: 1:11:00

And metta wants to make sure that you are who man. So, so that is true as well.

Vanessa: 1:11:09

Man, female. Yeah. So here's a tip. If you haven't a company and you want to get a blue, check with it. Getting a blue check with anything's paying as every time, you might tick tock story about verification. Okay, I've tried a couple times. And so I submitted articles about myself from Washington Post AP and New York Times. And both times he came back telling me that I needed to use articles from prestigious news organizations. Now, I really don't think there's a news organization more prestigious than the AP. Yeah. Because this entire kind of fucking Point, New York Times, okay, go back and forth. WIPO. Yeah, they're trying to get taken over by conservatives. But still, I would call them both prestigious. Like, it's not like,

Jess: 1:12:05

what does that like the New York poster? Whatever. The there's some other ones that are like really? Yeah,

Vanessa: 1:12:11

one of them is? Yeah, yeah. One of those. That's wild.

Jess: 1:12:17

Yeah, yeah. That kind of verification stuff is kind of weird. Yeah, and I could never figure out I, back when I was in, like, 2022 or 23. When I was job searching. I was I tried to get on. It was one of the lesbian dating apps. And I got blocked. And I couldn't figure out why, like, they wouldn't let me on because they couldn't verify that I was a woman. I don't know why I was like, Okay, this was like, early in. And I didn't even necessarily think I was trying to pretend that I was a woman. But I do think that they were trying to block men from from doing it, which is not what I'm saying. I was walking around, I gave up because the whole reason I was even looking into it was because they had a job. Not because I was looking to join the dating site. Not that I have any issue with people joining those dating sites, but that's not like I'm married and monogamous and have no need to be on there. So I was actually trying to check out the platform. Let's check it out. Yeah, and I remember that they you know, they they asked for they wanted a picture. And whatever picture I sent in it wasn't like and I don't know if it was like, I don't know what it was. I do not know what it was that was that like did not allow me to go on because they certainly were not trying to say that it could only be sis folks on their like, I think that they were definitely like non binary and trans friendly. But they were very explicit that they were trying to you know, that men were not welcome on the site that sis men were not welcome on the site. So anyway, I don't know if but it was like, it was too much. And I couldn't deal with it. And I was like, This is too hard. And this is probably not gonna work anyway. So I just gave up. So yeah, sometimes

Vanessa: 1:13:57

we're also strangely gender affirming, maybe

Jess: 1:13:59

in a in a weird way. Yeah. Yeah. Sure, it's true.

Vanessa: 1:14:10

Another note, for blue checks, on meta platforms, you can pay for them. And that's what I do. And I also my Facebook posts are monetize. So in the end, it all kind of evens out. So if you want to do a blue check, get your page like monetize first so your posts actually start earning a little bit of money and then it all kind of evens itself out. And I've definitely found better reach when I have it turned on when I have it turned off. Especially when you come and comment on things because it stands out more. And it's just a nice little way to just kind of build up and get you got to pay for it. But if you can get the money back from from Facebook, right. If you can

Jess: 1:14:54

have it pay for itself. Absolutely. Advice. Yeah, all the ins and outs of social media are like it's a lot and it's like constantly changing. Yeah, wants to learn. So I was love it that you are so into that because I know we a little bit about it. And I like I'm like my kids too much.

Vanessa: 1:15:10

I don't wish it like right now, with Ohio equal rights, we're trying to build up the social media. And we need I mean, we have a Gen Z in charge of it, you know, it's the other co executive director. And like, she made a tic tac video. And I got five years on tick tock five, and like nothing. Nothing's going anywhere. Probably partially because we're a pack. But it's, I don't know. We need someone that's smarter at social media than we are. But we also can't afford to pay someone for that. So just kind of winging it, I suppose.

Jess: 1:15:54

Yeah, I know enough to just know that it can be really tricky. And they're constantly changing the algorithms and everything. And it's a lot. It's a lot to keep up with. But yeah, except for I do know that comments, drive engagement. That's about it. It's about all of God. Yeah,

Vanessa: 1:16:09

um, some things I've learned like on Instagram, when people comment, you want to start a post with that's engaging, so has to be controversial, or start with a question something to get people to read more. I'm actually testing it right now with my Instagram page, I've been posting some pretty deep shit and and starting with like a question, in order to kind of see how the engagement works with it. And even now, still, though, like, most of the insights, like it's like, 90% of the people are followers and like 1%, or 2% aren't. So even then I don't know, but from, from what I've learned, when people comment on your stuff, respond, but don't just respond with like an emoji. You'll want to respond with something engaging, and even asking another question to have them respond to you again. For me, personally, I hate that because I don't like talking about like, I hate it when people message me, like when people send me a DM off of my like, stories or something like that. And like, Fuck, I don't want to know, I don't want to be social. But it's how you work with the algorithm for like, comments on posts. So if you want your posts to grow, you need to it's just like creating tick tock videos or reels. You have to have a hook to get people to want to engage with it. And once they start commenting, and you start coming back, that's when the algorithm will start to understand that maybe this is something for it to look at and push out to more people. I don't really know how well it works, but that's what I've learned. That's your crash course on social

Jess: 1:17:46

media tips. Social media. Okay, yeah.

Vanessa: 1:17:52

My dog just tweet is terrifying.

Jess: 1:17:56

Something. Yeah.

Vanessa: 1:18:00

Can you say hi to chat chest scab? Near she is Hello,

Jess: 1:18:07

Gabby. Hi. Oh, my goodness. Yeah, that face.

Vanessa: 1:18:11

I like how 20 minutes ago? We're like, Yeah, we're out it. I know.

Jess: 1:18:14

I know. We were wrapping up. But then we got a second wind was happening. But

Vanessa: 1:18:19

hopefully people do you want to do you want to go for a little ride or some fleece or what you want? Yes, please. It was, it's so hot here. Like today, tomorrow at three o'clock, it's gonna be heat index. So it's like 98 standard. And today hit like, I think he hit 94 here. And Ohio. He is pure humid. Yeah. So it's

Jess: 1:18:46

really humid here. Not as bad as it was like, when I lived in Atlanta, that's like, just that is just, that is just want to call it like, yeah, all the time. But it is hot here. But um, you know, we're in the mountains. We're in like the foothills. But but the we hit that huge difference. Once you go a little bit further away, and you go down a little bit in elevation, and it's more flat without all of the foothills and mountains to break up the wind and everything. It is totally different. So this is, you know, it's it's interesting to me that I'm further south than you, but it's going to be like 85 You know, so like, you're actually going to be hotter, but it's just because I'm sure that there are other places in North Carolina that are going to be 95 or whatever tomorrow probably but it's just not we're just lucky enough to get get a little bit of a little bit of relief from that even though it still gets

Vanessa: 1:19:41

in a reprieve is nice. But yeah, I don't take her for car rides. When it's hot. I don't take her for walks. Don't take your dog for a walk on a hot day. You're just gonna hit their feet unless you have shoes for them. And one of my clients, she and her husband busted up the window on an on a truck at a bar that the guy left his dog in the car over the weekend.

Jess: 1:20:08

So yeah, it's dangerous folks. Don't leave. Don't leave your animals in in a car like that.

Vanessa: 1:20:15

We don't deserve dogs is what animals in general we don't deserve them. They're, they're wonderful critters. So okay good episode Yeah, this was fun

Jess: 1:20:29

another in the books. Exactly.

Vanessa: 1:20:32

They're always they're always good to have. So if you have any fun stories that you would like us to share, like pumped them out on ourselves was something like that, you know, contact us, it's easy to get a hold of us. Links are gonna be in the bio for all the things and stuff and a merch store. When you buy stuff from the merch store, you support the show directly. So I tried to keep the prices pretty reasonable. And they're all slightly curvy. You'll see if you if you know, you know. But yeah, thank you, everyone for this team. And I'm not sure who's gonna be on next week, but there'll be someone back to weekly. We are back to weekly now. So tell your friends. I engagement had definitely dropped off big time on the show with us going to every two weeks like so I'm hoping that this kind of brings more people in. I mean, it makes sense. You know, if when a show comes out weekly, you expect it when it's every two weeks you start to forget about it. So

Jess: 1:21:36

back to weeklies good. So usually Thursdays right Thursdays or Fridays, it'll come out.

Vanessa: 1:21:42

Yeah, that release Thursday is probably unless I wind up recording like late on a Wednesday or something. Who knows Thursdays or Fridays? Yeah, it's a good way of putting it. It'll come out when it comes out when it's ready to come out and not sooner. All right. Yes. All right. Thank you for joining me. And thank you everyone for watching, listening whatever.