How to Ask for Help

Asking for help can be really hard, and it is a significant and brave step in our healing.

When we are serious about our healing, we will start to ask for help when we need it. 

But why is it so hard to ask for help? What keeps us from asking for help when we need it?

This episode is a continuation of the "How We Heal" series. 

In this episode, we take a look at the following:

1. What keeps us from asking for help.
2. Getting clarity on what you need help with.
3. Getting clarity on the right person or resource you need.
4. How to make the ask for help

I hope this episode helps you in taking the steps towards getting the help you need.

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Transcript

Jerry Henderson: 0:00

One of the hardest things about making change is asking for help. So today we're going to be talking about why we don't ask for help, and then number two, how we can begin to ask for help. So this is a really important episode as a part of the how we Heal series, and so I want to ask you to stick till the end, and also I have some special offers and some special announcements for the listeners of this podcast. Hello everybody, it's Jerry, and welcome to another episode of the Permission to Love podcast. I'm your host and I'm grateful that you're here.

Jerry Henderson: 0:35

As always, we're in the middle of a how we Heal series and I'm sharing, kind of step by step, how I went about changing my life. And so last week we talked about the decision to change. How do we make that decision and how do we make that decision sticky? By realizing that number one change is possible. Number two, change is possible for us. And then number three, that we are worthy of that change. And so this is a continuation of that series, and this episode is about how we ask for help. You know, asking for help is such an important part of healing it was for me for sure. I remember the day that I actually asked for help, really for the first time, other people came to me and told me that I needed help, but I never really asked for help. I never saw myself as valuable enough to ask for help. But there was a specific day and I've talked about it before about four years ago, where I woke up to the fact that I had to change. I needed to change and, no matter what I needed to do, I was going to do it. I remember calling my friend, having him come over, having him help me get checked into rehab, and then I remember being in rehab and telling the therapist that, hey, man, I'll stand on my head in the corner of this room if that's what it's going to take for me to change. So just tell me. Whatever I need to do to change, tell me and I'm going to do it. So that's the place that we often have to come to in order to get help. We get to the place where we understand that overcoming our fear of asking for help is more important than staying the way that we are.

Jerry Henderson: 2:18

So let's get into this. Let's talk about first why we don't ask for help. What is blocking us? What's keeping us from doing that. Well, there's a lot of reasons why we don't ask for help.

Jerry Henderson: 2:28

So I'm going to share some things and as I share them, I want you to pay attention to which one of these resonates with you. Where do you feel it? Which one of these do you feel in your system when I say it? And the first one is this is we often don't ask for help because of shame. We're afraid of the way that it's going to make us look. We're embarrassed to ask. We're embarrassed that we have that issue in our life and we're afraid that we're going to be judged for having that issue in life. Especially as trauma survivors and people who carry shame, asking for help is a big hurdle because we feel like it's going to compound the shame that we feel. We think that people are going to look at us with more judgment and with more shame towards us. Now, that can be true, depending on the person that you ask.

Jerry Henderson: 3:17

I remember a very specific time in my life where I'd asked a person for help and they immediately shamed me for it. I was 19 years old and I didn't know what to do about a situation, and I asked a pastor of a church for some help and he immediately shamed me and told me to knock it off. I didn't need to be dealing with that stuff, we just needed to pray and figure it out. So I'll tell you what that puts. Some shame in me for sure, because I felt like, well, what's wrong with me that I have this in my life? What's wrong with me that I'm dealing with this? And wow, that amount of judgment from that person to me, who I trusted and looked up to, really made me feel like I shouldn't ask for help. Which leads me into the second point of why we don't ask for help Because we've often been traumatized or victimized by asking for help.

Jerry Henderson: 4:08

We've gone to people they've used it as a weapon against us and they've used it to victimize us because they've seen a vulnerability that we have and so that's wiring into us that we shouldn't ask for help. It's wiring into our systems that asking for help is dangerous. I mean, another story for me and it happened in the church again is I went to another respected mentor of mine in the church and I began to share with them about my struggle in my marriage. At that time I was 21 years old and was having some real struggles. I was a young married person and didn't really know how to do marriage I mean, who does, let alone at that age and we were really struggling. And so I went to this person that I was working for that was also a pastor on staff and I began to share with him about my struggle with my marriage, and he used that as an opportunity to groom me and to try to groom me and begin to sexually harass me, and so you might have experienced those things, you might have been traumatized, you might have been victimized or you might have been taught that asking for help isn't okay. I just want to say to you that there are people who are safe places to ask for help, and if you've had those experiences before, please don't deny yourself the opportunity to get the help that you need because of other people's actions. I know it's hard, I know it's painful, I know it's scary, but the reality is you deserve the help that you need. So we're going to have to unlearn the fact that asking for help is dangerous, and I'm not saying that is easy, but I am saying that it's important and that you can do it Now.

Jerry Henderson: 5:56

Another reason we don't ask for help is because we don't feel like we deserve it. We feel like we deserve the life that we have or we deserve the pain that we're experiencing. We also don't believe that we're worthy of somebody else helping us. So that is a barrier that often keeps us from asking for people to help us, because we don't feel like we deserve their help or we're in inconvenience or there's a fear that they'll say no to us and that will reinforce our belief that we don't deserve the help.

Jerry Henderson: 6:29

Now, another reason that people don't ask for help is they're afraid that they're going to be found out or they're doing a lot of image management, and I'm very familiar with image management, and what I mean by image management is that part of us that's trying to project an image of who we are to everybody around us and that if we ask for help, we're going to be found out. We're going to be exposed that we're not that person. And that was a real fear for me when I checked into rehab as a leader in a not-for-profit organization that me asking for help and going into rehab was going to cause me to lose respect, potentially lose my job, and that everybody was going to know that I wasn't the person that I was trying to project myself, as I mean here's a former pastor guy who's working to serve the poor and is drinking himself to death, hating himself as suicidal, and can't figure out how to fix his life, and is trying to lead people in an organization. Well, asking for help at that level and being that vulnerable put all of that at risk, which was one of the best things that happened for me, because it allowed me to come out of the shadows, it allowed me to drop the image and it allowed me to start telling my story, which was one of the things that was keeping me in pain. You see that secrecy and that hiding is what's continuing the pain.

Jerry Henderson: 7:59

Image management is one of the most dangerous things in keeping us stuck, because it keeps us from asking for help and it continues to put a load on us of who we think we need to be and who we need to project. Then, all of a sudden, we've built this character that is so separated from who we are and we're separated from the relationships that we're engaged in because we have to keep projecting this image instead of our authentic self. So we wind up feeling lonely. I mean, there's a whole dangerous narrative that begins to unfold with image management. So one of the best things you can do if you're a person who really struggles with image management is to ask for help, and this can be really hard, especially if you're a person dealing with imposter syndrome and you've been thinking that you're just waiting to be found out. Well, this is the moment where you're going to be found out, not that you're an imposter, but that you need help, and that's okay. Breaking through that barrier, giving yourself the freedom to be who you are, to ask for help and to drop the image, is one of the most freeing things that can ever happen to you in your healing journey, because it then frees you to heal instead of staying in hiding. All right, so let's go ahead and continue on, and I'll try to go through the rest of these fairly quickly.

Jerry Henderson: 9:21

Another reason is that you might be in a role where it's really hard to ask for help. You might be a CEO, you might be a leader. Whatever that story is. You don't feel like that. You can ask for help because maybe you're reporting up to a board and if they find out that you're struggling with some of these issues, they're going to kick you out of the organization. Maybe you're a leader in a religious organization or a faith-based organization and you feel like if you share the things that you're struggling with, you're going to be kicked out, you're going to lose your position or whatever the story is, and so you don't feel like you have any place to go. You can't share it with peers because you feel like you'll be judged. You can't share it with your leadership because you feel like they'll get rid of you. You don't feel like you have anybody underneath you on your team that you can share it with, because they're going to lose respect for you, and so that's a really difficult place to be, when you're in a place of feeling like your position is keeping you from being able to ask for help.

Jerry Henderson: 10:19

I want to encourage you that there are places that you can go. There are support groups, there are communities who are dealing with exactly that barrier, and they've created groups that are safe places. So you just have to do the research. You just have to get hungry enough to heal in order to find those places, but they're out there. Let me say this that losing your role or losing face, or losing respect or whatever the story is that you have in your head is nothing in comparison to you changing your life, you being happy, you being whole, you being healed. That story in your head is preventing you from being the person that you want to be and having the life that you want to have. Now, related to that, you might not be a CEO or a key leader who's afraid of asking because of your position, but you just don't feel like you have anybody to go to. You don't know where to go and you don't know who to trust. And here's a little bit. I hope to help with that by unpacking maybe some creative ideas about how you can get the help that you need. Now.

Jerry Henderson: 11:25

Another reason is that you feel like asking for help is failure. It shows weakness. You feel like you should be able to figure it out on your own. Well, asking for help is not weakness. There's nothing about asking for help that resembles failure in any way. It's actually a huge sign of innovation and creativity to say how can I do this? How can I get this problem solved? So we have to get that story out of our head that says I should be able to figure this out on my own. I shouldn't be dealing with this. What's wrong with me that I can't figure this out. Nothing wrong with you. Everybody needs help, so the courage to ask for help is actually something that's honorable, not something to be ashamed of.

Jerry Henderson: 12:11

Now, another reason that we don't ask for help is because we've become so identified with that suffering in our lives that we don't know who we would be without it. I think we know people like that and we might be people like that. I know that my story had a part of that in it, and so that might be the story for you. You've become so identified with that suffering, with that narrative, that it doesn't feel safe to let that go, because being that person or having that issue has served you in many ways. Maybe it's got you certain attention, or maybe it's allowed you to do certain things that you wouldn't have been able to do otherwise. So that identification with that thing or that challenge feels more safe to you to stay connected to that than to ask for help. Because when we ask for help, we then expose that that's something that we want to change and then we begin to get some accountability around making changes, and it's scary to change, but there will come a point for anybody who really wants to change that they have to let go of their identity around their suffering and begin to create a new identity of wholeness and health.

Jerry Henderson: 13:21

Okay, the last barrier that I'm going to address in this episode is that I can't afford it barrier. I can't get help because I can't afford it. Well, there are creative ways for you to get help that don't cost anything or can cost you just a little bit to engage in it. But I do want to say that often that I can't afford it is simply code, for I don't deserve it Because we do a lot of investments in a lot of things in our lives, but when it comes to us investing in therapy or investing in coaching or investing in whatever you need to do, if your narrative is I can't afford to get help, then what you're really saying is I'm not worth figuring out how to get the help that I need. Now you might be in a situation where you just absolutely zero resources. There still are resources for you to get help for free. It just takes some creative innovation and it takes some motivation to figure out how to get those resources. So that narrative and that story has to begin to get addressed in order for you to be able to say I am worth it, and I do deserve investing in myself, and I'm going to do what it takes to be healthy, to be whole.

Jerry Henderson: 14:36

Okay, let's go ahead and now start talking about how do you ask for help, and guess what? Point? Number one get curious. You know that I always love talking about curiosity, because curiosity will set us free. It shifts our energy right, it takes us from judgment to possibilities, it takes us from shame into hopefulness. So let's get curious. Let's start to ask some questions about why you're not asking for help, because it's not doing you any good at all to simply be sitting around thinking about the fact that you need to change and that you should be asking for help, and then to start shaming yourself for not asking for help and finding all the reasons why you can't. That's not going to serve you at all. Shaming yourself for not asking for help is going to keep you stuck, and so becoming curious instead of shameful, about why you're not asking for help is key in moving forward. So here's some things that you can do to practice that curiosity and start to get to the root of what's blocking you from asking for help.

Jerry Henderson: 15:39

Number one what does it feel like when you think about asking for help. Do you feel afraid, do you feel shameful, do you feel weak, do you feel embarrassed? What's the feeling that comes up as soon as you start thinking about asking for help? Where do you feel it in your body? Is it in your gut? Is it in your chest? I mean, where is that? Identify what the feeling is, and I bet you that almost all those feelings are fear-based. I mean, if we think about the list that we just covered as to why people don't ask for help, it's almost all fear-based.

Jerry Henderson: 16:17

And so those feelings that are coming up of embarrassment and shame being found out, or anxiety, whatever it is, there's usually a fear that's underlying it. There's something going on, and that fear usually comes from an experience that you've had. We have fears, typically from experiences. So, as we talked about before, you might have asked for help, been shamed and rejected by it. You might have asked for help and it was dismissed and seen as unimportant. So you're afraid of having that happen to you again. You might have asked for help and then nothing changed. So you think that asking for help is pointless. So there's a fear that when you do ask for help, it's not going to do you any good anyway and you're just going to stay stuck. So I even do it.

Jerry Henderson: 17:03

But imagine with me for a moment if we lived in a world where asking for help was normal and everybody did it. All of the fears that we had about asking for help would be removed, because we'd be living in a society where vulnerability was honored. We'd be living in a society where asking for help seemed courageous and not weak. We'd be living in a world where, when we did ask for help, we were met with kindness, we were met with resources to get the help that we needed. In that world, everybody would be asking for help and I just don't understand how it's not become normal, why we've done this to one another. So if all of those things were removed, you'd feel really free to ask for help.

Jerry Henderson: 17:49

So begin to become curious about the experiences that you've had that removed that freedom, that made it feel like you can't ask for help. What took that away from you? When did that happen? And, becoming curious about that, begin to let you know that that's a story that you've developed from an experience, and the challenge with that is that the experiences that we've had have developed core beliefs and those core beliefs drive our behaviors, and those behaviors then keep us stuck and keep us in a place that we don't want to be. So just because you had the experience that created a fear, that created a response that's keeping you now from asking for help, doesn't mean that you'll have that same experience again. So we get stuck in thinking, we get programmed because our brains are trying to keep us safe and one thing that it's doing is saying, hey, asking for help isn't safe. When I think about asking for help, I feel all of these ways and so I can't ask for help.

Jerry Henderson: 18:54

Well, become curious about when that first showed up, and then let's start having a corrective experience. You see, one of the ways that we heal and we'll talk about this in another episode is having corrective experiences. We had an experience that gave us a belief, and now we need to have new experiences, corrective experiences that give us new beliefs. And one of those corrective experiences is to begin to ask for help and, if you need to, to do it with baby steps. Find things that you haven't asked for help for in the past and just begin to ask for help with them now. I mean, it might just be as small as asking for help at work on a project that you're struggling with, or it might be asking for help from your partner on something that you typically would have never asked for help for. That is a way to start training yourself to do micro asks for help, just little things that you can begin to do, because one of the things that asking for help does is it teaches us that we deserve and are worthy of the help of others and that it's safe to get help from others.

Jerry Henderson: 20:03

I know for me, in relationships I would never ask for help. I felt very independent. Being self-reliant was something I learned as a little kid. I learned that it was safer for me to not ask for help. It was safer for me to depend on me and nobody else. Well, what that does is it keeps us from asking for help in the big things when we really need them, or it causes us to delay asking for help until things get really bad. If you'll start training yourself to ask for help now, in the small things, it will help you in asking for help in the bigger things Now.

Jerry Henderson: 20:38

The final thing to ask around this curiosity is how is it serving you to not ask for help? Just ask that question, sit with it and write out what comes up when you ask that question. All right, let's go ahead and move on to the second point about how we ask for help, and it's getting clarity about what we need help with. What is an area that you've really been struggling with, that you've tried to make progress in you haven't been able to change. Write it out. Write out exactly what it is that you're wanting to change.

Jerry Henderson: 21:15

You see, a lot of times, a lack of clarity on what we need help with is what's preventing us from making the ask. We'll say things like well, I just need help with my marriage. Well, what kind of help do you need with your marriage? I don't know. We don't communicate well, okay. Well, what happens when you try to communicate? Well, you know he raises a voice or she does this, and I just don't feel heard. Okay, you don't feel heard. Let's dig into that. What does it feel like when you don't feel heard?

Jerry Henderson: 21:46

You see, that's the things that we try to get to, and working together or working with the therapist, working with the coach, is trying to drill down on those things that you're feeling. What are the core things that you're actually really needing help with? Because a lot of what brings us to a point of asking for help is symptoms. Now I need to stop drinking. Okay, why do you drink? I don't know. I just need to unwind, I need to relax. Well, what's going on in your life that you need to unwind and relax from? You see, you start asking those questions, you start really getting clarity on what you need help with, because a symptom isn't the thing that you always need help with. I mean, that's what brings you to the ER room, that's what brings you to the triage room. Right, I've got this problem and it's causing chaos in my life. Fix this and we label it at these highest levels my marriage, my job, my, you know, drinking, whatever. And then we need to really do the work of thinking through what are those layers underneath it. Now, often we're going to need help in getting to those layers.

Jerry Henderson: 22:51

I know I did. I thought I just need to stop drinking. I didn't realize that I needed to address what the drinking was doing for me, the pain that it was managing for me, the voice that it was shutting up in my head, my inner critic, all of the things that drinking was doing for me which were soothing and trying to heal a source of childhood trauma. I had to go all the way back there to understand and realize that what I was actually dealing with was unhealed trauma, and that then led me to asking for help around that space. Not just let me stop drinking, but let me get to the source of why I do those things. And then, when I get to the source of that and heal that, then I won't need to drink. You see, that's one of the keys in the healing journey is getting down to those root causes, not just symptoms.

Jerry Henderson: 23:44

Now, one of the things that you might identify that you need help in is getting to that root issue, getting to the core issue. You might be saying I don't know what's wrong. I just know that life is chaos for me and I need somebody to help me drill down on the why, the root issue, the core of what's going on, and that can be a beautiful place to start right there. That may be the only thing you know, and that's okay. It was the only thing I knew when I started my healing journey as well. So make that list of the things that you think that you need help with, get really curious about it, get as detailed as you can. And then let's move on to the third thing, which is who can help you with that. You see, when we just go really high on the I need help with X, and you know it's very generic we don't really know who can help us with that. We don't know the right resources to go to because it's too broad. The more narrow we get, the more specialized we can get and we can make the right asks of the right people.

Jerry Henderson: 24:46

For instance, if you're a person who's trying to deal with weight issues, you just think well, I need to, you know, lose weight and I need to stop binge eating. Well, in that situation, you probably don't need to just go to a physical trainer or somebody who can help you with exercise. You're probably going to need to work with somebody who understands eating disorders and the unique challenges that that brings with it in managing weight control. You see, once again we're just dealing with symptoms. I need to lose weight, so I probably need to get a personal trainer and that's going to solve my problem. No, you're going to need to go a layer deeper, which is wow. My issue with weight and eating is around some wounds and I use food and other strategies to try to cope with the pain of that or to keep me safe. So I really need to work with somebody who has a joint skill set of dealing with the emotional issues and dealing with the physical issues.

Jerry Henderson: 25:46

So that's the importance of really understanding what you're trying to get help with, and then that will allow you to laser in on who you can get help from. And this is one of the most frustrating things that I think happens for people who are seeking help. They don't get specific enough, so they go to people who don't have the skill set that they need and then they get frustrated because that person isn't really helping them and so they give up on trying to get help. But the more specific you can get will lead you to the people who can really have the skill sets to help you in that area. And then you realize that it's not that there's something wrong with you that you can't change. It's just that we're picking the wrong people to help us try to change. And, once again, if you don't know what you need to change, you just know you have these symptoms. Work with somebody who can really help you identify those core things and in those core things you can then begin to go look for help with people who specialize in those core things.

Jerry Henderson: 26:47

Now here's a few important points about asking for help. It's important, as I said, to find the right person, to ask, the person who can give you a sense of safety. But let's not keep that story of I can't find a person who has everything that I need, so I'm not going to ask for help. If you want to change, you're going to keep looking for the right resources to help you change. When your story of why you can't change becomes less powerful to you than your desire to change, you're going to look for whatever resources that you need in order to find the person, the organization or whatever it is that you need to make the change.

Jerry Henderson: 27:32

Now, another important point is we often need anonymity or distance when we ask for help. We don't often ask for help because people are too close to us. It might be your church or your pastor or family member or somebody that you know and you're afraid to ask because they're too close. Well, don't let that keep you from getting the help that you need. You can find an anonymous place, a place with distance, to get help. That's why there's support groups, that's why there's Alenon. That's why there's recovery groups or whatever that you need. That's why there's therapists, that's why there's coaches, because it gives you some distance and it gives you some anonymity.

Jerry Henderson: 28:07

And you might be saying, once again, I can't afford therapy or I can't afford coaching. Once again, it's about are you willing to make that investment in yourself? And let me just say this for those of you who are listening to this podcast I want to encourage you. You know I offer group coaching, I offer individual coaching and I offer that group coaching on a sliding scale and I also offer scholarships. So there's really no reason why you can't sign up for it and get involved in it. The only reason why is because of a story or a narrative, and that story might be well. Other people deserve it more than I do. Or, you know, I don't want to take somebody else's place or, gosh, it's embarrassing to ask for help. All these stories are keeping you from living the life that you want and getting the help that you need. You know what To remove all barriers that you might have to asking for help.

Jerry Henderson: 28:57

I'm going to set up free discovery calls for the people who are listening to this podcast. I'm going to set up a code. It's going to be Ptl100, and if you go to my website, jerryhendersonorg forward slash coaching, and you go to the discovery call, click on the link. It'll take you to a page. Enter the code Ptl100. That'll give you 100% off. Remove all of the barriers.

Jerry Henderson: 29:20

Let's sit down, let's think of a strategy that you might need to get the help that you need, and that doesn't mean it's going to be me that's going to give you the help that you need. It might be somebody else, but let's at least remove any barriers that you have right now about asking for help. Deal, all right, let's go ahead and move on to the next point, and it should be no surprise that next point and the last point is ask. Make the ask for help. We've identified why we don't do it. We've become curious about our personal blockages to doing it. We've identified the things that we need help with, which has led us to identifying the right type of resources or the right type of people who can help us, and now we get to ask.

Jerry Henderson: 30:06

The only thing that's going to keep you from making that ask for help is the story that you have in your head, the excuses that you have, and all of those excuses, all of those stories boil down to one thing I'm not worthy of change. I'm afraid of what change is going to do for me. I'm afraid of what's going to happen if I start getting serious about my healing. That is what's going to keep you from taking action, and I want to encourage you as soon as you identify what you need help with and who could potentially help you with that, take immediate action Right away. Do not delay. What does that immediate action look like? Googling, talking, calling, researching, signing up for a free discovery call? Whatever it is that you need, go for it.

Jerry Henderson: 31:01

Don't delay, because if you delay, you're going to talk yourself out of it. You're going to get back into repeated patterns. You're going to tell yourself the narrative as to why you don't deserve it, why you can't change, and all of a sudden, you're going to be in the same position you are a year later that you are right now. Think about it. How long have you been struggling with that thing? How long has that thing been haunting you and messing up your life? It's not going to change by itself. You're not going to be able to change it, evidently because it's still there. So the only thing I can think of that might be different than what you've tried before is to actually get serious about asking for help and following through on that help.

Jerry Henderson: 31:49

Now I want to make sure that you know one thing I'm not shaming you at this point. I'm trying to encourage you, and you might have asked for help before, as we talked about earlier, but it might just be that you asked the wrong people or you shamed yourself out of the healing process and you allowed the story to come back to you as to why you don't deserve change, or you had the smallest hiccup or the smallest mess up and then, all of a sudden, you shamed yourself out of that. You see, you've got to work with people who won't shame you as a part of your healing journey. You know, often people work with a therapist or a coach and it feels like they're constantly disappointing that person or they're constantly being shamed by that person, and they get the narrative of well, you should be doing this and why didn't you follow through with that? Or you know whatever. Now, yes, accountability is always a little uncomfortable, but there's a difference between loving accountability and shaming somebody to try to change, and so, especially for us who've survived trauma and have dealt with shame. We are really sensitive to working with people who use shame as a motivator or who use judgment or this really you know negative energy to try to get us to change. We repel against that because that's the experience that we've had in our past and so our nervous systems just reject it. Then, all of a sudden, we stop working with people, thinking that there's something wrong with us. But no, it's really that you're not aligned with that type of coach or that type of therapist. They're not using empathy and they're not using trauma-informed therapy or coaching in order to help you, and that's really important for you to find. So just because you've had some bad experiences before, once again, don't let that keep you from getting what you need, what you deserve, and keep you from making that next ask.

Jerry Henderson: 33:45

Now here's a few practical tips on asking for help. If it's really tough for you to make that ask, find a trusted friend, someone you really care about and who really cares about you, and ask them to help you to ask. I know that sounds like a lot of asking right, but it can be a real key strategy. Ask that friend to go with you to that support group. Ask that friend to be in the room with you as you make that first call to whatever place, person or organization that you're trying to get help from. That can provide a sense of safety and support in you asking for help. Another thing that can help in making the ask is asking somebody that you have watched changed and ask them who they reached out to, ask them what resources they would recommend. You see, asking them that question is removing another barrier, which is well, I don't know where to go to, I don't know who to ask, and so if you'll start by asking people who have made those changes, you're already asking for help because you're asking them for help to point you in the right direction. And the last tip on asking is this Ask afraid.

Jerry Henderson: 35:01

Ask shaking in your boots. Ask even if you feel shame about it. Ask even if everything in your body is rejecting you doing it. Still ask, and all of those feelings are normal. When I asked for help, I was afraid. I didn't know really what was going to happen, but what I did know is that the consequences of asking for help at that point in my life could not compare to the consequences of staying the way that I was. That, my friends, is when true change is going to start happening. That is when you will ask whatever you need to ask, from whoever you need to ask to make the changes that you need to make.

Jerry Henderson: 35:47

You see, the people who ask for help are the people who are truly transforming and changing. You know I'm asking for a lot of help these days Total reinvention of my life over the last four to five years and that reinvention is causing me to go into things that I have no clue what I'm doing. But that future self who I am becoming and where I want to be requires my present self to ask for help. My future self is already thinking my present self for having the courage to ask for help. So if you need that, that can be a really helpful tool as well. To think about what does your future self look like? What do you want to be? Where do you need to go? And to begin to ask for the help to keep you motivated to go in that direction so that you can become the person that you want to be, because change doesn't happen by sitting around and waiting for it. Change happens by taking that one step at a time, and it's often asking how to take that step from the people who've already been there. No ask is too small and no ask is too big because you, my friend, are worthy of change and you are worthy of getting the help that you need.

Jerry Henderson: 37:09

Well, thank you for being here, thank you for being a part of another episode, and it is because of you that this podcast is a top 10% podcast and continues to grow. So thank you. Now a lot of you continue to ask me about how you can help support this show, and I'm going to tell you that there's those three primary ways. These are really important. Number one subscribe and follow, if you haven't done so already. Number two rate it and review it. The more ratings and reviews that we get, the more visible the podcast is and the more likely people are to listen to it and to get the help that they need. And number three is to share this podcast with people that you know. Those are the best ways right now that you can support the show. Every single week, I get emails or DMs and the people who listen to this show about how transformative it has been for them, how life changing these principles are and how they're making progress in their healing journey. So thank you so much for those encouraging notes, thank you for being here and thank you for sharing it with people and growing this community. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Jerry Henderson: 38:18

So, as I close, I've just got a few announcements and updates. Number one group coaching. It starts on the 19th of February. It's coming up and it's not too late to sign up. And, once again, if you need help, ask for it, sign up for the group coaching. I'm offering scholarships. I've still got a few of those left. I'm offering a sliding scale, and so those are things that I'm just putting out there to remove any barrier that you have. It's normally $95 a month. So if you can afford that, make that investment yourself, get signed up. If you need a little bit of help, there's that sliding scale that'll give you 50% off. It brings the price down to $47.50 a month. And if you can't afford either one of those right now, I do have just a few scholarships left. So go, get signed up or DM me or email me if you're interested in the scholarships.

Jerry Henderson: 39:12

So the second announcement that I have is that I'm going to be doing a Q&A show on Fridays. I'm going to look at the rhythm if it's every week or every other week, but on Fridays I'm going to start episodes around questions and answers. So if you do have questions about the things that I share or things that I haven't shared that you're just curious about, shoot me an email or DM me and I'll start to answer those questions on Friday episodes. So I'm really excited about that and looking forward to it. Now the final two announcements that I have.

Jerry Henderson: 39:41

Number one my book Returning. It's a collection of thoughts and poems about healing. It's really designed to be a daily reflection book for you to read a passage or to read a part of it and reflect on it, and I've made lots of room for notes in the margins and in the back of the book. It just got back from final edit and it's going to be released soon, so be on the lookout for that. And if you haven't signed up for my email list yet, do that, because that's where I'm going to be sending out the notification as soon as the book is released.

Jerry Henderson: 40:12

And the final announcement so I'm going to be starting a Facebook group for this podcast, specifically for this podcast, where we can have discussions, q&as, engagement around the content that's being shared and really try to build community as we're journeying together in the things that this podcast is covering. So there is a link to that Facebook group in the show notes of this episode. Really love to have you be a part of that community where we can discuss things, encourage one another and go on a journey together. Well, thank you again for being here and I want to remind you, as always, you are worthy of your own love and you are worthy of asking for the help that you need.