Never Growing Old: Navigating Peter Pan Syndrome in the Gay Community 🧚‍♂️✨ | Episode 16

Description:

Dive into a thought-provoking discussion on the "Peter Pan Syndrome" 🌈 that seems to pervade not just the gay community, but society at large. Join Blaine, Ryan, and Adam as they explore the allure of eternal youth, the balance between fun and responsibility, and the impact of this phenomenon on relationships and personal growth. From circuit parties to life decisions, and a candid look at their own lives, this episode of "Coffee with Gays" Season 3 Episode 16 offers a mix of humor, introspection, and revelations that'll make you ponder, laugh, and maybe even see a bit of Peter Pan in yourself. 🚀💭

Summary:

• Exploring the concept of Peter Pan Syndrome, especially in the gay community. 🏳️‍🌈
• Discussing the impact of societal norms and the lack of traditional responsibilities like children on the syndrome's prevalence. 👶🚫
• Reflecting on the pursuit of fun vs. the necessity of embracing adulthood responsibilities. ⚖️✨
• The role of social media in portraying an eternal youth lifestyle and its real-life implications. 📱💡
• Personal anecdotes and observations on the desire for youthfulness, cosmetic procedures, and the culture of circuit parties. 🎉💉
• Debating the complexities of relationships, the desire to settle down, and considerations about having children in today's society. 💑🤔
• Embracing a bit of Peter Pan while finding balance and growing up without losing the essence of fun and youthfulness. 🧚‍♂️❤️

Show Notes:

[00:00:22] The hosts discuss the concept of Peter Pan Syndrome, especially in the gay community. 💭
[00:01:19] Adam ties the syndrome to the lack of traditional responsibilities, like children. 👶🚫
[00:02:34] Ryan mentions the pursuit of fun and balance in life. ⚖️✨
[00:03:14] A lively discussion about social media portrayal and real-life implications. 📱💡
[00:10:34] The conversation shifts to the desire for youthfulness, cosmetic procedures, and the quest for physical perfection. ❤️🔍
[00:14:02] Delving into the culture of circuit parties and the drug use associated with them. 🕺💊
[00:22:33] Exploring family dynamics and the perception of the "gay Peter Pan" within families. 🏠👀
[00:25:29] Personal revelations and accepting some level of Peter Pan Syndrome in themselves. 🧚‍♂️💬
[00:27:47] Discussion on relationships and the difficulty of settling down within the Peter Pan context. 💑🤔
[00:31:25] The hosts debate the practicality and desire for having children in today's society. 👨‍👨‍👦
[00:33:01] Closing thoughts on embracing a bit of Peter Pan while finding balance in life. 🤸‍♂️❤️
[00:44:44] Episode wrap-up with reflections on staying young at heart and the importance of fun. 🎉👋

Transcript

0:00

We're gonna be the loud ones. We're willing to speak out. I'm not politically correct. If you want the truth, I'll give it to you. We're gonna start having this wine. Maybe we'll show some true colors.

Blaine: 0:13

Welcome to another episode of Coffee with Gays. We are season three , episode sixteen , and we are super excited.

Ryan: 0:20

We're always super excited to start an episode.

Blaine: 0:23

I'm Blaine.

Ryan: 0:24

I'm ryan.

Adam: 0:25

I'm Adam.

Blaine: 0:26

And today we are talking about Peter Pan syndrome, which I think is running rampant these days. Always gonna fly away Just because you know you can Never gonna learn, there's no such place as Neverland You don't understand, you'll never grow You're never gonna be a man You're never gonna grow

Ryan: 1:05

Guilty. No, I don't.

Adam: 1:06

Welll

Ryan: 1:07

We'll find out.

Blaine: 1:09

Who isn't the biggest Peter Pan of this group? Ryan for sure. 1000%.

Ryan: 1:14

I don't know. I don't know.

Adam: 1:15

I think Blaine is,

Blaine: 1:16

I am not a Peter Pan. When was the last time I've been to a circuit party?

Adam: 1:20

It's not just a circuit party. You just don't wanna grow up.

Blaine: 1:23

Especially I think in the gay community, this is actually a really, I mean the straight community has this as well, but , I mean there are people that just refuse to grow up and really. The definition of Peter Pan Syndrome are just individuals who refuse to grow up, take on adult responsibilities, and just, you know, want to remain youthful and shun adult norms.

Adam: 1:44

And I think that the reason why gays are so, , what's the word I'm looking for? Not pronouned to this, but they're just, they do this more than anybody, it's because they don't have kids. It's the ones that don't have responsibilities. They don't have a kid to make sure that they're taken care of and stuff like that. So they figured, why not? Let's just be, you know, a 20 year old until I'm dead. Which it just blows my mind.

Blaine: 2:10

I think also we're predisposed to it because look, we want to look young. We go to the gym, we take care of ourselves, we also have a different, thought on, beauty and aesthetic, right?

Ryan: 2:23

Yeah, and, mainly, it could be those things, but I think there's also instances where someone came out later in life, didn't have their childhood or, like, feel like they live fully. in their like 20s fun party era or whatever so like maybe they're trying to recreate that yeah a little later But

Blaine: 2:42

let's be honest we know a lot of peter Pans who will remain nameless on the show they all were partying in their 20s and they're still going in their 40s and their 50s

Adam: 2:51

true

Blaine: 2:52

yeah i mean i'm knocking on the door of 40 and you know I'm not still partying like I was when I was in my 20s. I'm going to be very honest.

Ryan: 3:01

I would think that it would evolve and change. I think we still want to have a lot of fun. Don't grow up and let go of the fun. But yeah, that's really different than that definition of Peter Pan syndrome. I think where it's that refusal of taking on adult responsibilities. If you can take that on and still know, like, how to balance and have fun, that sounds like a good thing.

Blaine: 3:24

There are people that do have like big careers and, they're still, gonna strip down to their jockstraps and go to a circuit party on a weekend. How do we feel about that?

Adam: 3:34

So I've seen a lot of Instagram and this is where I've actually tapped into this. I see a lot of people's Instagrams and they are putting a lot of stuff out there. And I'm talking about a lot of pictures that when you were in your 50s and you're in corporate America, you want to rethink that because there's a guy, hold on. I have right here. There's a guy on Instagram and his name is,

Blaine: 4:02

I will be posting this on the YouTube video.

Adam: 4:04

His name is Brad hole, right?

Blaine: 4:08

Brad what? Hole, okay. Like

Adam: 4:11

your butthole.

Blaine: 4:11

Okay. I figured, but I just wanted to make sure I wasn't getting it wrong.

Adam: 4:15

He's probably one of his. I'm going to say very late forties, early fifties. And he has some pictures on there that will post that you'd literally go 50 year olds doing this. This is a little intense because I looked at it where he's pumping gas in a jockstrap.

Blaine: 4:36

Let me see. To

Adam: 4:36

show off his ass.

Blaine: 4:38

I just have to see.

Adam: 4:39

I got to pull this up.

Blaine: 4:42

But Ryan, don't you pumped gas in a jockstrap?

Ryan: 4:46

I have jeans on over the jockstrap.

Blaine: 4:48

Oh, okay. Shouldn't we just normalize pumping gas on a, in a jockstrap? I think we should.

Ryan: 4:54

Is it someone that's, Is he like a model for this doc shot part of the ad, or is it literally just, okay, so that's him.

Blaine: 5:01

No, he's just literally pumping gas, gas.

Ryan: 5:03

He's like, this is hot in video.

Blaine: 5:04

So

Adam: 5:04

here's

Blaine: 5:05

nice thighs though.

Ryan: 5:06

He does look good and a nice thighs

Adam: 5:07

look . He looks good, but here's the thing's. 50. Wow. Here's what I think about society. This, you have somebody like this that actually went to a gas station in a jockstrap and it pumped gas. Could you imagine being a father with two kids, knowing what is going on over here, dad?

Blaine: 5:26

Adam, you always are like this. You create these hypothetical scenarios of what existed, and you're like, so, like, anti gay with this stuff.

Adam: 5:34

But, but, okay, so, In society, because I think society pushes the limits.

Blaine: 5:39

How do you not know he went to the West Hollywood gas station where there's only gay people? I'm just saying.

Adam: 5:47

In

Blaine: 5:48

19, like, 90s? You make it sound like he's in Peoria, Indiana.

Ryan: 5:52

I don't know, it's what have we become, right? Like, you would be clothed, it'd be normal or whatever. Now it's just like, do a hand, and film it and show everybody.

Adam: 6:00

Like, so, so here's my thing that I, that I struggle with, with especially our community, like, you know, there's, there's girls out there that'll do the same thing. And then there's also guys out there that are straight guys who will do this just to get gay guys to pay for their sites.

Blaine: 6:15

Hello. What about those like car washes where the girls are like in the wet t shirts with their titties out?

Ryan: 6:21

They've been doing that forever.

Adam: 6:22

When does, Indecent exposure start coming into play anymore. Is that out the window anymore? Is that law just gone? I guess.

Blaine: 6:29

No, it's not. I mean, I actually heard there was a kid and there was a kid that was arrested for indecent exposure and, uh, Louisiana recently

Ryan: 6:37

about what?

Blaine: 6:37

Cause he went pee outside. Cause. He had to pee and it was actually, it

Ryan: 6:41

was like a young, was it a young kid? Yeah, I think I heard about that.

Blaine: 6:43

The, the cop got fired because it's racially charged. Yeah, no, definitely those laws are still in place,

Ryan: 6:49

but I think all the times you had to pee outside. Like if there's no restroom, I mean, you're gonna try to find a hidden spot behind a tree or whatever.

Blaine: 6:55

By the way, like side note, can we tell like a quick funny Ryan story? Story, Ryan and Bradley story. Oh, so we were on a boat in New Orleans. We were there for Southern Decadence, which obviously is a big gay like fun. You know, party of gayness and parade. And, but we planned a swamp tour and, we didn't get a private boat. We were supposed to get an air, like one of those air swamp tour

Ryan: 7:22

boats. The fan boat.

Blaine: 7:24

That's what we thought we were going on, but our friend booked us a slower boat and it was a shared boat. Even though there were like, what, like probably 15 gays . we also shared it with families and kids and, Ryan and Brad had to pee. And so they just decided to pee off the side of the boat and, I'm going to finish this story and then you can give your response because talk about Peter Pan. They just decided to pee off the back of the boat and the captain was pissed. I mean, literally, you should hang your head in shame. It was, I was shocked, one, and then the captain literally was like, There are kids on this boat, you cannot pee off the boat. Now, what's your rebuttal, Ryan?

Ryan: 8:15

Wow, way to shame me.

Adam: 8:16

I just,

Blaine: 8:17

I just, I don't know. I just had to say it because we were talking about indecent exposure.

Adam: 8:20

I'll just sit over here and suck it on the show.

Blaine: 8:23

Yeah, okay. And I'll get mine too.

Ryan: 8:24

Maybe I'll start by saying now that maybe I'm sober today, Sure, maybe that wasn't the, whatever, best place to do it. But I have to say We went out on a bus all the way out in the swamp, Then they dropped us off at a bar and said, Drink up, bitches. And then put us on like a three hour slow ass boat ride in the swamp that I was not even having it. Cause I was like, see this shit every day in Florida. It was the same old, oh look, there's another four foot alligator. Anyway, it was three hours long after they loaded us up with booze. We had to pee and there was no restroom on board. And I have to say we really waited to try to find the bathroom. the best opportunity given the situation.

Blaine: 9:04

And everybody was looking at an alligator.

Ryan: 9:06

Everyone was looking at a gator. We went to the far other corner with nobody around us and went up to the corner and like, it wasn't like, you know, we pointed it away.

Blaine: 9:15

And I think your mom would have done the same thing.

Ryan: 9:17

Oh, sure. No. Yeah. I called my mom and she at first, she was like, Oh my gosh, Ryan , I can't believe I was like, Mom, this is what happened. You would have done the same thing. And there's a little pause, like, Yeah, I probably would. If you have, if you really have to go to the bathroom, like, I wouldn't have chosen to do that necessarily.

Blaine: 9:33

And by the way, if any one of those kids had to go to the bathroom, they would have been the same.

Ryan: 9:37

Oh yeah, but they wouldn't have been shamed.

Blaine: 9:39

No, no, just the two gays.

Adam: 9:40

Did you not ask the captain?

Blaine: 9:42

No, they didn't. They just whipped him out. So what

Adam: 9:45

if the captain took off and you're asking them to go into the swamp? It was a,

Blaine: 9:49

it was a pontoon, Adam. And it was literally, and it was two miles an hour. Like it was the slowest swamp tour you've ever been on. I mean, and there were no booze on board. This was not a booze cruise. It was, it was really painful. It was painful. And sorry to our friend that had booked it. Hopefully he doesn't listen to this episode. And if he does, um, you booked the wrong tour. You were supposed to book the airboat. Well, that was fun. With the little headphones and everything. Because that's what we all thought we were getting on. And we were like running to the airboat. And then we were like, Oh no, the pontoon with the kids. It was awful. Got us what we wanted during Southern Decades. Yeah, so, yeah, wrong, wrong tour.

Adam: 10:33

Shucks that I missed that.

Blaine: 10:34

Yeah, so Ryan and Brad almost got us kicked off the boat. If he could have kicked us off, he definitely would have. He was already like upset. I mean, this guy was like a Louisiana Bayou. I know.

Adam: 10:46

She was mad ' cause there was gays.

Blaine: 10:47

Well he was already mad. There was 15 gays on board. Yeah. With children. And then the two gays whipped their dicks out and started peeing on the back of the boat. This is not a good situation., he wasn't . It was his face was red. I mean, he is probably an alcoholic, but his face was beet red, right?

Ryan: 11:02

Yeah. We. We, we didn't face him after that. We just, we were, we ignored it. We dealt with the rest of the ride and then we just quickly got off. We're like, well, whatever, that's done.

Blaine: 11:11

Well, we were ready to drink anyway. And then we had to do another, like an hour drive back to New Orleans. It is a lot.

Ryan: 11:16

We're like, just get us back. We're just ready. We

Blaine: 11:18

won't be doing another swamp tour in New Orleans? I can tell you that next time we do Southern Decadence, we're just going to go have fun. Um, okay, so back to the topic at hand of Peter Pan Syndrome. So Ryan, you recently had a procedure that I'm a super big fan of, and I think, when it comes to gay men, and I kind of actually wish straight men would do this more, and women do this really well. We were just looking at one of my family members who will remain nameless. I was shocked at how much her husband has aged compared to her because she looks very young and he's aged a lot. I mean, he used to be a hottie and I think straight men tend to let themselves go a little more than their women.

Adam: 11:56

I think that has something to do with their relationship. What are they pushing themselves? Like, what are they proving? They're in a relationship.

Blaine: 12:02

I know. But like as gay men, like we have to keep ourselves hot. Because us gay

Adam: 12:07

men are still running after even people in a relationship. You're still trying to get approval. From the other gay men in the communities.

Ryan: 12:14

What about your own self approval? You want to look in the mirror and be like, damn, I look good.

Adam: 12:19

Have you seen me?

Ryan: 12:20

So you need it. So you need it.

Blaine: 12:23

Oh, whatever, Adam. Don't even bullshit us. Don't even bullshit us. You're like, I'm still like pretty, like we all know that we all know. We all know, don't even bullshit us. I'm sick and tired of this bullshit of I'm fat and everything with your chest all burled up and your little arms and your little biceps happening right now. Give me a freaking break. Shut up. Go say you're fat to anybody that is fat. Give me a break . Jesus Christ. So Ryan recently had a procedure.

Ryan: 12:52

That's a compliment. That's Blaine's way of complimenting me.

Blaine: 12:54

It's my way of complimenting him. Adam: I can treat it as a compliment? You're welcome. So Ryan recently had a procedure that I'm a super fan of. CO2 laser. I think it's great. I think everybody should do it. You should definitely do it, Adam. Because your skin has also seen a lot of sun, Adam: I've been, you know. Well, I just think you've had a lot of sun damage over the years. And you don't use sunscreen. And for anybody that, you know, you know, knows, knows, sunscreen is very important. I think on the verge of Peter Pan, there's the Peter Pans that never grow up, but then there's the, We all have a little Peter Pan because we never want to get old, right? So I think there's like a little bit of youthfulness in our community because we have to stay youthful. Look, I am a huge fan. I mean, I had more procedures this last year than anybody. I had a daddy do over. I had chest etching, stomach etching, I had a, uh, mini tummy tuck. You had more than one. Wow. I had CO2 laser resurfacing for the second time.,Invisalign, what else did I have done? Multiple teeth bleaching. I don't know, like, I've had tons of stuff done. And I could have more done. I don't even know what I'm going to do next year. I was just thinking, like, what am I going to do this year? Well, I'm really focused on the gym and then, you know, we'll see what doesn't go into place like I want it to and then I'll

Adam: 14:08

Nip it, and tuck it.

Blaine: 14:10

Yeah, and then we'll just tuck it. Whatever doesn't go where I want it to go, I'll just have it tucked.

Adam: 14:15

But it's, it's funny with like, with all Peter Pan Syndrome things, like, I know I have been to a couple circuit parties. So what a circuit party is for anybody that doesn't know is it's basically EDM music, it's in either a club or an arena or something and it's very loud and crazy and strobe lights and lasers and all that stuff.

Blaine: 14:39

Ryan, can you expand? Because Ryan has been to more than you.

Ryan: 14:42

I don't know. I'm only a year and a half in actually since my first one.

Blaine: 14:46

And they go tell dawn. And a lot of people, a lot of people are on ecstasy

All: 14:53

or

Blaine: 14:53

whatever you call it. What did the kids call it these days? Molly, Molly,

Ryan: 14:57

Molly's like a new version of. exctasy yeah, I think.

Adam: 15:01

It's a different, it's like a different, it's a rebrand, either way, it's a rebrand,

Blaine: 15:06

it's a motherfucking rebrand, that's all I'm gonna say, but

Adam: 15:08

I remember back, one's a capsule, one's a pressed

Blaine: 15:11

pump, whatever,

Ryan: 15:13

Molly, like Molly could be either way,

All: 15:16

yeah,

Blaine: 15:16

and it basically gives you this euphoric feeling,

Adam: 15:18

I'm blowing my car.

Ryan: 15:22

It's getting hot in this episode.

Blaine: 15:24

I'm trying to get a job

Adam: 15:26

exactly. And again, that's what I say. People, we're talking about, and when corporate America comes looking,

Ryan: 15:34

let's not focus on the drugs, but the circuit parties, even though if you go, you may probably see,

Blaine: 15:40

I wasn't calling anyone out. I was saying that a lot of people do them there. And, and I just think. Like if you're in your 20s and you're experimenting great, but like when you're 40 and 50 and doing like ecstasy I just don't think it's a great look especially every weekend and you know who I'm talking about It's those boys that have those damn little fanny pack Mm hmm, and they've got like a whole bunch of drugs in there and you know what they're reaching for it Like they're all like they're all like in a little like

Ryan: 16:08

I know, no, I know now I used to be, it wasn't only just two years ago that I thought, oh wow, like the friends helping the friends like go poop in the bathroom. Yeah. And then like the last two years I've been educated and I know there's something more going on than just. Pooping and peeing in that stall.

Blaine: 16:24

I mean, one time I was at a place that, it's a barbecue joint that has a Ferris wheel here in Dallas. And there was, I didn't know it was a circuit party, but it was like a random circuit party and went after a drag show and everybody was like doing their clack fans. And it was like, it was actually really a lot of, but there was some like older gay with his little fanny pack, like propping this like younger guy up. And he was doing bumps just in the. open literally it was just like a whole pharmacy in there of drugs. And it was just like this

Ryan: 16:55

older guy, older guy, but it was an older

Blaine: 16:57

guy with his little fanny pack and he was hot. No, like he had abs and he had a little thing, but talk about Peter Pan. I was like, Jesus Christ. Like when do you grow up? And I mean, I'm sure he's professional. He's probably a lawyer.

Adam: 17:09

I sit there and wonder is at what point did you Stand there and you go, I'm the last one standing of Family, because if you're 50, your parents are only, you know, they're probably 70 in their, at least their seventies. So, you know, your whole family is going to start to shrink. And then what do you do if you don't have a partner because you're playing this Peter Pan and you're still fucked around as a single man and partying all the time. Who do you have as far as a family? Isn't that a sad life or not?

Blaine: 17:41

I think it's totally a sad life.

Ryan: 17:44

Or is there, I don't know, are they searching out that feeling of family, community, partners in that community of other people doing the same thing.

Adam: 17:53

But okay, so let's go with that. When shit hits the fan in your life, you think they're going to be around?

Ryan: 17:58

Uh, yeah, maybe, maybe not. That's probably just that, right there in that searching feeling. But I would, you know, they're always maybe stuck in that, and always. So this was another Instagram thing I saw, but it was on the account overheard at a gay bar. Do you guys follow?

Blaine: 18:12

I didn't know they had an overheard at the gay bar. I have overheard LA, overheard San Francisco.

Ryan: 18:16

Yeah.

Blaine: 18:17

So on point and funny.

Ryan: 18:18

But I seen this one this week and it feels very much like what we're talking about. It says the most, so overheard at a gay bar. The most wild thing about being gay is watching your club rat friends become working professionals every week. Yesterday, Adam was on Ketamine at the Eagle. Today, he's discussing CAP EX Reduction Strategies.

Adam: 18:38

Oh my gosh.

Ryan: 18:39

Oh my god. And like you read that and you're like, oh my god, that's really true.

Adam: 18:43

And I Do you know how many doctors, and I'm talking doctors, that I know that I have seen messed up at a circuit party.

Blaine: 18:52

Seriously?

Adam: 18:52

And I sit there and go, wow, they're the ones I haven't. They're the ones that are doing surgeries. I haven't. Holy shit.

Blaine: 18:59

I was about to say, like, I think my biggest offender in this Peter Pan circuit party syndrome is, uh, HR professionals.

All: 19:06

Oh,

Blaine: 19:07

I think they're the worst. Literally the ones I knew in LA, I was like, every single one of them was a circuit party queen and they're like 40, 50. Wow. Yeah. And like, at a circuit party every week, they're like, head of HR.

Adam: 19:22

I mean, if Google would get rid of all the people, they'd just do a drug test. Knock in, knock out. Well. The whole place out.

Blaine: 19:28

That is probably true, actually. Yeah. Could

Adam: 19:31

you imagine? I mean, it'd be a lot cheaper than paying, paying a severance.

Blaine: 19:36

I mean, look. A severance. I think I don't want to be judgey here because I do think like, this is a good part, like what's, what's the line between professionalism and personal expression? Because I do think everyone should have their own personal life.

Adam: 19:49

But let me, let me take this back is I'm not saying that it's bad for anybody to go to a circuit party. Like it's fine. Like you want to go to a circuit party once a year, twice a year, whatever. But when you're,

All: 19:59

well, yeah, when you're

Adam: 20:00

going every weekend, every month, All the time at what poop do you burn out and like, how do you have a stable life with that? You can't there's no way

Ryan: 20:13

or I see I feel like I can tell the ones that like are doing that all the time They're like, oh my god their face like they look like they're really aging and so I'm like bullshit I don't want to go that much. It's like I want to I want to stay looking like, fresh. I don't want to get that, like that look where you just look like, Ooh, it's rough.

Blaine: 20:30

They are definitely aging and it's like, and you see them all the time. And they're

All: 20:34

like,

Blaine: 20:35

Hey, like, I mean, I mean, I can't do what I did. In my twenties . I mean, I would go Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday, fun day and just hard and we're actually Wednesdays usually too. And then we did trashy Tuesday. I was just. Like,

Ryan: 20:55

Monday was your one night off.

Blaine: 20:57

Yeah, Monday.

Adam: 20:57

I'm like, what day was your sober day?

Blaine: 20:59

Monday, basically.

Ryan: 21:00

Just so you know.

Blaine: 21:01

Yeah, basically.

Adam: 21:02

And that's really the worst day to have the hangover.

Blaine: 21:05

Yeah, and that was a hungover day, and then every other day was like, But tell like two, three in the morning and I can get up and go to work. Look, a lot of people in New York do this all the time. I mean, they, they like party till like four in the morning and then they're, you know, at, at the office at 7. AM

Ryan: 21:19

that's going to catch up with the health of their body.

Blaine: 21:22

No. And really by the time I hit in my thirties, I was like, Ooh, I can't do that anymore.

Ryan: 21:28

I usually don't say like, I can't do it anymore. I choose to not do that anymore. Yeah. Like, cause of the one I get, we're going to feel different. I don't want to feel like it that often.

Blaine: 21:37

I mean, you are the energizer bunny of the group.

Ryan: 21:40

I do have a lot of energy, though. Like I don't always need a little extra to help that out.

Blaine: 21:45

But Ryan's always bouncing around. Yes, exactly. He's a little

Ryan: 21:53

it's actual coffee.

Blaine: 21:54

I mean, most of our Peter Pan people that we know, they all have like professional jobs.

All: 21:58

Yeah.

Blaine: 21:59

I mean, how else would they afford To go to a circut party in every city around the country.

Adam: 22:04

They don't own a house because they can't afford it because they use all the money on drugs.

Blaine: 22:10

Well, there's that.

Ryan: 22:12

For some of them it sounds, well, yeah.

Blaine: 22:14

I think some of them own though, too, actually.

Ryan: 22:17

I'm not also traveling to that many cities.

Blaine: 22:20

Yeah.

Ryan: 22:21

I bought my house,

Adam: 22:22

I just, I thought it'd be crazy and I'm like, when, at what age do you go? It's like, what are you waiting until you're 70?

Ryan: 22:29

What's your retirement account look like?

Blaine: 22:30

I just honestly, I've never found them fun personally. Like I just don't. That's just me. I

Adam: 22:37

just, I don't understand, like, how do you build a relationship with somebody when that's all you're doing? Like a lot of these people are single people, I'm going to say majority of them are single people and they're just, well, some, I mean, but most of them are single people and they're just go, go, go. And I'm like, well, how do you build a relationship or how do you build a life with somebody when all you're doing is partying all the time?

Blaine: 23:02

It's

Adam: 23:02

literally like New Year's Eve every day of your life.

Ryan: 23:04

Yeah.

Adam: 23:05

It's crazy.

Blaine: 23:06

Yeah, I don't get

Ryan: 23:07

I mean, I like to, I like, I like to dance and like have fun, but not necessarily a circuit party, but yeah, every day.

Blaine: 23:12

And can I, um, just, um, put a funny note about our New Year's Eve this year, um, someone actually sent me our New Year's Eve photo and, uh, which I'll go ahead and post in the video as well, but, um, and said that it looked like a geriatric New Year's Eve party. Because

Ryan: 23:31

it

All: 23:31

was. Because it

Ryan: 23:33

was this year, it was. I mean, we were up till four, but not doing that circuit. I know we were up really late. We were playing

Blaine: 23:39

dominoes till four in the morning.

Adam: 23:42

Actually,

Blaine: 23:42

I was up till five cause I had to put up all the food and everything after y'all left.

Adam: 23:46

Oh, God never has heard all about that.

Blaine: 23:50

Well, you were being a bitch. I mean, you deserved every, every bit of my criticism.

Adam: 23:54

I am the nicest bitch you'll ever meet.

Blaine: 23:55

There is something about aging gracefully, which I think is gracefully, and accepting that we're getting a little older and not able

Ryan: 24:02

right down the street was a circuit party house party, you know. There was? Until like 7 a. m. Nobody told me about that! It was fun. And Adam tried to play the game of life.

Blaine: 24:19

Which was really funny because that didn't last very

Ryan: 24:22

long. We

Blaine: 24:23

played

Ryan: 24:23

life?

Blaine: 24:24

He had one participant that was like, interested in playing the game of life. Well, Adam was trying to learn how to like, navigate life, so he was playing the game of life. He thought it would give him answers on his own life. We'll play the game of life some other day, for sure. We'll do an actual real game night. So, do you think that people that, like, have Peter Pan Syndrome can actually have a meaningful relationship?

Adam: 24:47

No.

Blaine: 24:47

Why? Ryan: Why? Anybody that's like, kind of in Peter Pan mode, can they have a meaningful relationship?

Ryan: 24:54

Oh, Adam, you think they cannot? I think, yeah, if you're sticking to that definition we had at the beginning, I would say no, because that means they're like, stuck as a little kid. And I think you gotta have a lot of maturity to have a deeper, meaningful relationship.

Adam: 25:14

Because you also, you have to have, there's two sides of the gay world. There are the party gays, and then there are the gays that literally have a structured life. Don't go out, you'll hardly ever see them at the gay bars. They, you know, have their house in Highland Park.

Blaine: 25:32

They have their, they're so boring. There is a happy medium.

Ryan: 25:38

Yeah, there has to be something in between.

Blaine: 25:40

There is a happy medium. I don't want to be a boring fucking gay living in Kessler Park, you know, cheating on my husband at lunch. This happened once when I was in my 20s, I was sleeping with the Kessler Park gay on the lunch break. Mm hmm. Yeah, I know those gays. And they're not as happy as they seem and they're boring. Well, they are. You think they live this perfect life and they have all the parties and everything. A great example of that group. I remember I went to one of those house parties and, , one of the husbands, attacked me in the bathroom and, then the other has been basically did the same thing separate times. And then I ended up sleeping with the other has been like quite regularly.

Adam: 26:28

So who's the common denominator of this?

Blaine: 26:30

It was me, but both husbands, both husbands are coming up. And then I had to, I had to park my car on another block so the neighbors wouldn't see me. Yeah. So they lived the perfect life. They had the perfect house. And they weren't the circuit party gays, but you know what? They were like, you know, really not that perfect though. Just a little food for thought, but I will say we do have another person that we all know who. Still has fun and has a younger boyfriend and lives like kind of that younger life. And I think they actually have a really good relationship.

Ryan: 27:07

Much younger. Yes. A good, decent, half difference age.

Blaine: 27:11

Yeah. And I, I mean, first of all, he's hot, well, he's older, but he's hot. And then his boyfriend's hot, and I think they have a really good, like, vibe.

Adam: 27:21

But see, but hold on, but with him, he, he doesn't go out all the time. Ryan: He has a balance, right, and He does have a balance. There we go, there's an example.

Blaine: 27:31

And he does live a lot, live in the gym.

Adam: 27:33

But we're talking about, like, Peter Pan, like, like he's got a dog, he's got a house, he's got a boyfriend, like he's got

Ryan: 27:42

check the box.

Adam: 27:43

He's got a foundation to his house. I'm talking about the other people that are living with quicksand and try to build a hut.

Blaine: 27:49

The ones that are at the trashy gay bar every single weekend with their with their fanny.

Adam: 27:54

God,

Blaine: 27:55

I don't even know the last S4. Yeah, that's been a while. Was it when we went together? Yeah. I mean literally like S4 is like club. Oh my. The super club EDM bar in Dallas and I just can't, every time I'm there, I feel like I'm just like a fish out of water. I just, I don't even know what to do with myself. I mean, do you know what to do with yourself when you're there? Have you been? To S4? Yeah. I've been to S4 a lot. Oh. Do you dance?

Adam: 28:25

Strip down to your jockstrap and chase your team.

Ryan: 28:26

Strip it down.

Blaine: 28:27

I have never seen anyone in a jockstrap there. Can you wear a jockstrap there?? Ryan: I don't know. Why are you looking at me? I'm asking because you literally strip down everywhere you go.

Ryan: 28:37

Well, I don't.

Blaine: 28:38

So I'm wanting to know if you did that and got kicked out.

Ryan: 28:41

Uh, not at S4.

Blaine: 28:42

Okay. Yeah. You did that at Tin Room and you got kicked out. Same thing. Adam: You stripped down

Ryan: 28:49

Well, I mean, they were briefs.

Blaine: 28:52

He did it at Tin Room too and got kicked out because

Ryan: 28:54

It wasn't my best night. I'm not gonna, that's one of the nights that'll come up in therapy.

Adam: 28:58

Are you a nudist?

Ryan: 28:59

Yes.

Adam: 29:00

Are you really?

Ryan: 29:01

I mean, I love being naked. Oh,

Blaine: 29:02

okay. So I have this theory that there were two types of kid as kids in this world. There are the kids that like ran around naked all the time and which is totally Ryan and the kids that always run around clothes, which is totally me. I guess you too. Yeah. And I have so many friends and you can literally divide the entire world population probably into these groups. And it's like, the naked kids and the non naked kids. And like, I don't know what it is, but there's two defining groups.

Ryan: 29:33

Where did you guys, like, grow up? Cause maybe, I feel like, geographically, like, it makes a difference.

Blaine: 29:37

I grew up in Texas, but I have other friends that grew up in Texas. And, uh, a brother and sister in particular. Um, and they both were the kids that were, like, naked all the time. And You know, and their parents were very conservative, but they were just naked all the time and they're still cool If you think about time, they're just like

Adam: 29:56

my niece nephew are naked All the time. It's ridiculous. I'm like, put some clothes on them. They're just like, what? I,

Ryan: 30:06

I, I mean, I feel like I just grew up, it was like, outside a lot, or the pool a lot, or the beach a lot. And then also the like, way my mom and dad raised me. I feel like it was, I don't know, it was pretty open. And honestly, it'd be oh, I gave birth to you. This is all just anatomy.

Adam: 30:21

Are your parents nudists?

Ryan: 30:23

I want to say they're, I want to say they're nudists, but I wouldn't, my mom wouldn't be like, terrified, like, oh, I walked in, oh, she doesn't have her top on yet, like, it's fine.

Blaine: 30:33

Yeah, Cindy would be cool with that.

Ryan: 30:35

My dad would be like, Honey, put your bra on, put your top on. And she's like, what? Whatever. Like, I've never seen this before.

Blaine: 30:43

I think your dad is more conservative than your mom. Yeah, for sure. How are your parents?

Adam: 30:52

My parents were more conservative, they'll talk about anything, but, I mean, like, we were always, I don't want to say primitive, we weren't primitive proper, obviously not proper, but, but we were definitely clear with everyone, like, we were clear with everyone, my mother was like, if you don't shape up, I'm going to beat your ass.

Blaine: 31:14

Yeah, I was always clothed. And also we didn't talk about sex stuff, ever.

Adam: 31:20

Even, well now, I mean, you're mothers.

Blaine: 31:22

Ugh, my sex talk was awful. My dad gave me With your mother? No, with my dad. He made me do a 10 hour drive to like Galveston. And we had to listen to the James Dobson series. Did you have to do that, Ryan? No, I, but I remember talking about this with you at one point. It just sounded terrible. It was awful. It was a whole tape series. And he talked about like how like masturbation was evil and, um, it was very Christian and, and then my dad would like stop it along the way. And he would be like, do you have any questions, son? And I like, have I never really gotten along with my dad? And I was like, no, I'm fine. Like I was totally good. It was the most awkward thing. And James Dobson was like, came and came to be like, he was like a super evil guy. Like it was the worst way to learn about sex.

Ryan: 32:08

Like a big name, like in the Christian.

Blaine: 32:10

Oh yeah. He was like one of those big Christian things that you just sell all these tapes, all these Christian parents. Oh, I made so much money on it. Oh, I'm sure he made tens of millions of dollars. I feel like he was in some kind of scandal eventually. Um, but it was literally like the sex talk should not take, you know, 10 or 15 hours. And this was like a whole tape. Like foldable tape series that you would un, you know, accordion out and about everything and it was just the worst It was like the most awful trip of my life,

Adam: 32:43

you know, like don't imagine the Peter Pan thing I wonder how families like if you had a big family, right? You had one like say it's a family of five and the one son brother Whatever is the gay Peter Pan of it how the other families look at that

Ryan: 33:00

the other family members Yeah,

Adam: 33:02

I wonder if they're all right There goes Mike's game. Well, it's not gonna really be a while, is it? I wonder I would love to figure that out. I'd love to talk to somebody about that. Can we phone somebody?

Blaine: 33:16

I mean, I'm probably the Peter Pan of my family, so Actually, I take it back. I'm definitely not. I think my cousins will be forever the Peter Pans. They definitely don't listen. Well, I'm the only child. I mean, he's the only child.

Adam: 33:31

I'm the Peter Pan of my family.

Blaine: 33:35

So, see, we're all Peter Pans in some ways. In some ways, yeah. Oh my god, he didn't even plan that revelation.

Adam: 33:42

Well,

Blaine: 33:44

that was unscripted. That wasn't even on Blaine's notecard. notecard, y'all. Oh my god. But we did come to that realization, and I guess we aren't all, some of us all like Peter Pan in some way or another, which is probably like part of it.

Adam: 33:58

Well, some of it has to be. I mean, some of it has to, there's, there's one in every crowd, so some of it has to be.

Blaine: 34:04

Do you think that, uh, people that, are , in great shape , like, have, like, beautiful ambitions, like, it takes a toll on their mental health? And there's other people that we know that are, like, very fit, very good looking, still go out all the time. I mean, it's gotta be exhausting, right? To, like.

Adam: 34:24

I don't know how they do it because I can't even get my ass to the gym. How do you go to a party, gym, and work?

Blaine: 34:29

And they look so damn good. What are they doing? And they're like on Ozempic. And they have a six pack. Or an eight pack. I don't know how they do it.

Ryan: 34:39

That takes some work. I'm trying.

Adam: 34:42

I'm exhausted to think about it.

Blaine: 34:44

I know. Must be really, really exhausting. I couldn't do it.

Adam: 34:48

I just, I don't know how they mentally can handle all of that stuff. And like, again, when do you want to grow up? When do you want to actually put your big, you know, boy shoes on and go do stuff? Like, and I think

Ryan: 35:02

that's,

Adam: 35:02

I guess we

Ryan: 35:02

need to have someone on and ask them.

Adam: 35:04

Here's the thing that, that here's the love, hate that I have about Dallas, right? I love the fact that we have a very close knit community. But damn, the gays do not like to leave that community. Like, we all know the gay bars, and that's all we know. We don't go, we don't go rock climbing. We don't go, like, we don't go do different things. We don't go out hiking.

Blaine: 35:29

Like, well, we have, to go to Woody's to by 3,

Ryan: 35:31

it's such a routine, Woody's, and then the, you know, grapevine, JR's is like, no, no, and don't forget about Grapevine, yes, and then we would need to add a little hidden door, you know,

Blaine: 35:41

sometimes hidden door in the summer, it's always the same damn thing.

Ryan: 35:45

Same thing. Did you see, what's that, there's, I don't know if it's a new group, but it's, um, there's some Dallas activities going on about like, LGBTQ and nature, I don't know, trying to like, do more than just like, bars.

Blaine: 35:58

Wait, there's like, gay groups that are doing like,

Ryan: 36:00

Yeah, I saw,

Blaine: 36:02

Maybe I can find a boyfriend.

Adam: 36:04

Another one?

Ryan: 36:05

Add them to the tornado.

Adam: 36:07

Speaking of Peter Pan.

Blaine: 36:09

Yeah. Hey, there's nothing wrong with

Adam: 36:12

Having 45 boyfriends?

Blaine: 36:14

No, just a few in the mix to make sure that I'm picking the right one.

Adam: 36:21

So you don't want to grow up?

Blaine: 36:22

No, I do want to grow up. I'm ready to settle down with someone. Let's talk about that. Totally. Settling down with someone. How did that work for you last time, Adam?

Adam: 36:31

Which time? The first, second, third, fourth, or fifth?

Blaine: 36:33

This last one. See, Ryan's shocked. He hasn't heard

Ryan: 36:39

because guess what? I mean, you know what? I know it's fine. I don't need it. I don't need to be surprised because it's different every single day. We're done.

Blaine: 36:45

We don't actually want to know about it anymore because we already know the story on this one. Um, so yes. Um, I want to pick the right one. And so therefore I may have a few sutors, uh, that I have been talking to. And just like Ryan has found the right one, I would like to find the right one.

Adam: 37:06

I hope I'm there for the engagement so I can fly a drone right into your face. Ha ha

Ryan: 37:10

ha ha. Oh no, that battery died again.

Blaine: 37:14

You can fly a drone into my forehead. Ha ha ha ha. I am ready to settle down. I think I'm ready to settle down. I'm getting very close. I think, um, it's going to happen. I'm not going to lie.

Ryan: 37:25

Don't say settle down.

Adam: 37:27

Wait, wait, does the other person know that you're getting very close? Ha ha.

Blaine: 37:30

I've told, no, I've told him that I'm seeing other people, you know, and I've been very honest about it. Or he is seeing someone else too. No, he's seeing someone else too, but we both, um, rest that we, uh, find each other very, so I like that. And I like, so we'll see,

Ryan: 37:52

but I'm

Blaine: 37:52

also like about to be 40 and I can't make a bad decision. You know, I don't want to be a Kellser Park gay that sneaking around, like having boys come out lunch at lunchtime.

Adam: 38:04

So I think this is part of the Peter Pan syndrome is you're afraid to lock it down because you're afraid of what's behind door number two. It's the whole, I keep looking for more.

Blaine: 38:14

No, I think I just want to give it enough time that I'm like really, really sure.

Adam: 38:19

For what, when you get into a wheelchair and you need somebody to push you around?

Blaine 2: 38:22

No, I just want to make sure that like, we're the right ones. That's it. And, you know, the last time, my last relationship was five years. We just jumped in, head over heels for each other. And it was not a great five years of living together. And, you know, it's like nine times in five years. Terrible. And I thought that's what, I thought that's what relationships were.

Blaine: 38:50

Holding hands. But we just,

Ryan: 38:51

sometime, maybe. I know,

Blaine: 38:53

like, we had so many cute things, but we didn't have, like, the, that part.

Ryan: 38:56

So, yeah, roleplay, have a little, like, hot, like, yeah, come in and, and be, yeah, not tear down the door, have him waiting, ass up, ready, and then just, gotta have it all. I don't know where that just came from.

All: 39:07

What? You

Ryan: 39:10

gotta have it all. I mean, I think, yeah, mixing's that fun. I mean,

All: 39:15

Face down ass up...I left the door unlocked

Blaine: 39:18

think part of the problem with some of the straight, our straight friends is like, they have the same problem. They just like, they lose the spark and you got to have the spark too. So I want to make sure that sparks there, I want to make sure that the, the cuddling there and I want to make sure that watching TV, yeah, I want to, yeah, like our lesbian friend. I want to make sure that pulsating is there.

Ryan: 39:41

You just want to find the right one.

Blaine: 39:42

Yeah. I want to find the right guy. I don't want be a Kessler Park gay, you know, sneaking around on my husband on our lunch break and making some guy park around the block that my neighbors don't see. That's my take, and I think that's okay.

Adam: 39:57

But you're the one that contributed

Ryan: 39:59

at that time,

Blaine: 40:01

I young and impressionable.

Ryan: 40:04

I was old

Blaine: 40:07

and still impressionable.. All: I still, I still see that couple around and you know them. You both know them. I'm not gonna say who they're, but. Um, I'm just telling you, I just, I don't know. I want to find the right guy, but I got to say, I do think in the gay community, one thing that's special about us is we're all little Peter Pan. Now that is kind of what I've come to just a little bit. And I think it's a good thing.

Adam: 40:37

See, this is where I am . I want to slow down. I want to get a house. I wanted like, I want peace and calm and cool collective shit. I don't want to party. Yeah, that would be crazy.

Blaine: 40:50

Um, Adam, but do you want to be boring? You don't want to be like a boring straight person.

Adam: 40:56

I want to be able to travel. I want to have a partner.

Blaine: 40:59

Yeah.

Ryan: 40:59

Yeah. Yeah.

Blaine: 41:01

By the way, that's the fun thing about gays is we travel and do stuff. You know, I actually just another bill for my frozen sperm. Uh, cause I had decided in 2020 that I, I did, I froze my sperm because I, well, I had decided that I wanted to have a child of my own, so I was going to do surrogacy. Um, and when did, when did you decide this book in 2020 during the pandemic I decided

Adam: 41:28

because he had nothing else better to do with sitting there thinking about sperm freezing.

Blaine: 41:31

Well, and I thought like I'm working from home. I can just like, you know, take care of a kid as well.

Adam: 41:35

Can't take care of yourself.

Blaine: 41:37

I know

Ryan: 41:37

he started with a puppy and

Adam: 41:39

he got rid of that puppy. And now he wants a kid,

Blaine: 41:44

multiple puppies.

Adam: 41:44

What are you going to do when you can't shits on your floor?

Blaine: 41:46

And I also took care of my grandmother for three months and that actually cured my, uh, that cured my whole thing. Cause her like vomiting at night at like four in the morning. I was like, the kids do this. I can't. So, um, I have now canceled my sperm. It's being destroyed. Um, yeah.

Ryan: 42:03

Being destroyed.

Blaine: 42:05

Yeah, I'm not going to pay 600 a year to freeze my sperm.

Ryan: 42:07

Oh, that's much cost.

Blaine: 42:09

Yeah, it's a lot.

Ryan: 42:09

Maybe do it, like, when you're closer to, like, knowing you want to really do it? Or, I don't know, like, can't we, aren't our, aren't our sperm good for a long time?

Blaine: 42:17

Yeah, but allegedly 30 year old sperm is better than, like, 40 year old sperm.

Adam: 42:21

Wait a minute.

Ryan: 42:21

Just that, like, the strength

Blaine: 42:22

to Yeah.

Adam: 42:24

Question.

Blaine: 42:24

I have very strong swimmers, I've been told.

Adam: 42:27

600 for a small test tube?

Blaine: 42:29

No, I have, I actually,

Adam: 42:31

you

Ryan: 42:31

can't store it in your own freezer. We got a new job.

Blaine: 42:36

This may be like

Adam: 42:38

freezers in all the garages and just start

Blaine: 42:41

This maybe TMI, but I have 10 vials from one,

Adam: 42:45

10 vials?!?!

Blaine: 42:46

I have 10 vials from one load. Yeah. I, I, well, you

Ryan: 42:51

didn't have to give up, you give them as much as you want.

Blaine: 42:53

Well, no, they make you, , cum, two days before, because you need fresh sperm, but I have a very high production. So I actually produced a lot of sperm. So I could technically have 10 children, because they use one vial per.

Adam: 43:09

Honey, we want one. We want one. We want one. No. No.

Blaine: 43:13

We could actually have like more than 10. I could have 10 pregnancies, 10 rounds of it. So I could have multiple children per time. But anyway, I'm letting it go.

Adam: 43:23

Thank God. Um. Bye.

Blaine: 43:24

And that's my Peter Pan thing. I think I've decided I don't really want kids unless maybe someday if I find the right guy, but, yeah, I don't know. Do you want kids still?

Ryan: 43:36

Maybe. Yeah. I mean, I, I think I've always thought of myself as well, like wanting to be the dad and have a couple of kids, but it hasn't felt like your right time yet. So it hasn't really been top of my life. Priorities right now you're still in your thirties or like maybe, I don't know, maybe adopt, like I'd be open to that if that's the thing, I don't know.

Blaine: 43:55

And you?

Adam: 43:57

I would love to, but not in this society.

Blaine: 44:00

I agree. Yeah.

Adam: 44:01

I don't want to

Ryan: 44:02

This sure feels insane these days.

Adam: 44:04

Like, I just feel like there's no good in this world anymore. I just, I'm so scared with a kid to have.

Ryan: 44:12

This is maybe a small act of goodness, but I was really excited a day at the gym that someone walked over and I had left my AirPods case somewhere, I was like, Hey, were these yours? And he handed them back to me. You know? I was like Thank you. Like good. There's someone that actually still good still like that really gave me just that one act like

All: 44:29

Mm-Hmm.

Ryan: 44:30

really helped me feel like, wow, okay. There's some good people or good.

Blaine: 44:34

Must've been part of the older generation. Cause the younger generation.

Ryan: 44:37

No, he looked like he was probably around my age. I think

Adam: 44:39

he was probably a firm boy.

Ryan: 44:40

He was a farm boy. No, he didn't look like I wanna, he didn't look like a farm boy. But

Adam: 44:44

do I look like a farm boy?

Ryan: 44:46

Yeah.

Blaine: 44:46

Yeah. You do. With those buck teeth.

Ryan: 44:48

You got your Cody James on? I got to tell us fun to tell people at work now that I've got Cody James jeans I got the belt and the belt buckle and I got the square toe boot Concert season's right around the corner

Blaine: 45:03

It's April still isn't it concert season starting when

Ryan: 45:06

there's art. There's something coming up. You got Pam Tillis coming up lawn concerts won't start until like May Okay My birthday. Okay. Yeah. No, I don't want to season pass.

Blaine: 45:18

Well, you know what? I think we all have a little Peter Pan's in our and I think it's good. I think it's good that we're all a little Peter Pan. And we stay a little young,

Adam: 45:30

young at heart,

Blaine: 45:31

young at heart always because it makes this fun. Oh yeah. Hold on to the fun. And I think the gay community is like really good at that. Yeah. Cheers. Cheers. To another episode of Coffee with Gays for you guys.

Ryan: 45:46

Let's go out Sunday, Saturday, fun day. Saturday, fun day. Cheers, cheers, cheers